Chapter Text
Kisses. Warm and open mouthed on the back of Dean’s neck. Little butterfly kisses that tickle behind his ear and hungry ones with teeth scraping and stubble scratching the skin between his neck and his shoulder. Aidan loves kissing. It is a great way to get things started when he’s with a client and when he is with Dean he feels so connected to him. He could spend all day doing nothing but kiss Dean.
It’s the morning after Adam and Graham’s wedding and it is still too early to be up, really, but Aidan has been up – in every sense of the word – for a while now. He leans over to lick the shell of Dean’s ear playfully and that finally does it. Dean sighs and yawns and stretches and when he moves, the curve of his bum presses pleasantly against Aidan’s hard cock. Yup, he is up all right.
“Again?” Dean rubs his eyes and squints at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It isn’t even noon yet, and they only stumbled in around five. Drunk and feeling incredibly romantic, they proceeded to have the most unromantic shag since the invention of sex. Aidan accidentally hit Dean in the face twice with his cast and himself once, they had to take a pee break and a snack break, but even clumsy, unromantic and slightly hilarious as it was, it was still pretty damn good.
“Problem?” Aidan mumbles against the spot right between Dean’s shoulder blades. He takes a moment to answer and Aidan knows exactly what he is thinking. They should talk, they should have a discussion about the things they want. They should sit down and be adults about this. Give this thing they are doing no chance to fuck with their heads. Before they actually fuck. Again. But Dean is warm and sleepy and this talk isn’t going to go anywhere.
“No, no problem,” Dean says and tries to turn around, but Aidan stops him, rolls him onto his stomach and pins him to the bed.
“Good. Because I’m not done here.” He nudges Dean’s legs apart and climbs between them. “I’m not even close to done.”
He licks down Dean’s spine and follows the wet path the created with his hands. He rubs them over Dean’s shoulders and his sides and when he reaches his ass, he slaps it experimentally and, in return, gets a delightful “hngh”, slightly muffled by the pillow.
“How come you’re so cheerful? We’re supposed to hang around all day and nurse our hangovers.”
“I’m still drunk,” Aidan explains with inappropriate joy in his voice. “And I want to kiss you and lick you and make you come.”
He can hear Dean inhale sharply, but he doesn’t know if that comes from his words or from his hands cupping and squeezing his arse. It doesn’t matter either way. Aidan enjoys those little sounds, no matter what causes them.
Dean squirms a little, when Aidan spreads him open and blows cool air against the newly exposed skin.
“It’s okay,” he says reassuringly. He remembers his first experience with rimming very vividly. It made him feel vulnerable and excited at the same time, but mostly, it made him squeamish. There is something off-limits about the butt as it is and no matter how many times you touch it, finger it, fuck it, it doesn’t go away. When he first came to terms with being gay, Aidan discovered slowly that the asshole is fun and kind of underappreciated and not nearly as dirty or disgusting as people make it out to be. Still, that doesn’t mean that it suddenly made all the top ten lists for great places to kiss. So for someone to actually want to do it is a very frightening concept. He gets that, but once you get over that, it’s amazing and that’s how he wants to make Dean feel. “I’ll stop if you want me to.”
He runs his fingers up and down Dean’s crack with feather light touches that make goose bumps spread over his skin.
“Okay.” Dean nods, because his voice is barely more than a whisper. Aidan smiles and places another enthusiastic kiss on Dean’s tailbone. He makes himself more comfortable between Dean’s legs and takes his time to ease Dean and himself into the situation. He has been on the receiving end of a rimjob a few times, but he has only ever done it once before. It is incredibly difficult to do it with a condom rolled over his tongue and the act is so much more intimate than he really ever wants to be with any client.
He goes all in, heart thumping in his chest, when he is sure that Dean is ready and relaxed. He plants a wet kiss against Dean’s hole and hears his breath hitch in response.
“Good?”
“Wrong. Very, very wrong,” Dean replies. “But, yeah, good.” Like a cat that has woken from a nap, Dean stretches his arms out in front of him and raises his arse a little for better access. Aidan follows the gorgeous curve of his spine with his eyes before going back to the task at hand with another kiss. Long and lingering this time, his tongue trailing around Dean’s rim until he is rewarded with a moan. He reaches around to curl his fingers around Dean’s cock, while he continues to lick and suck his hole. Rimming is so much more intimate than fucking. It’s a statement and Aidan wants his actions to speak loud and clear. He wants Dean, he wants him for more than one night. This is his way of showing him and Dean seems to enjoy the unspoken commitment.
He can feel Dean become more comfortable and more confident to push back against Aidan’s face and fuck into his slow-stroking hand. His spine arches beautifully from his efforts to do both at the same time and he seems to have lost all control over the sounds that come out of his mouth, which makes him even hotter.
Aidan knows that he has him on the verge of a trembling, head-spinning, toe-curling orgasm and just when Dean manages to get out a breathless “Oh God!” Aidan speeds up his stroking and pushes his tongue in and Dean over the edge with it.
He comes for ages and then collapses onto the bed, just as Aidan finishes off his masterpiece with more little kisses, up his back, until he ends up at Dean’s ear where he started.
He brushes his fingers through Dean’s hair slow and calming to give them both a chance to catch their breath.
“You okay?”
Dean turns onto his side and nods slowly, thoughtfully, as if he still isn’t quite sure what just happened. There is a lovely blush spread over his face and Aidan just wants to kiss those cheeks as well. Dean drops his forehead against Aidan’s chest and nods again, more convinced this time.
“That was amazing.”
“Yeah?” Aidan gently pulls on the hair at the back of Dean’s head to make him look up at him. “Your first time?”
“What do you think?” Dean laughs out loud. “Sorry. The idea that Megan would go anywhere near there even with her hands is hilarious.”
“Well, I don’t really know what straight people do in bed. And Luke could have been a kinky bastard underneath that clean-cut, well-dressed exterior.”
“It was the first time.” Dean runs his hand up and down Aidan’s flank. “And it was mind-blowing.”
“Good. That’s good, because I intend to blow your mind a lot more often from now on. If you let me.”
“I’d like that.” Dean smiles. “Would you, uhm, like me to return the favour?”
Aidan notices the hesitation in Dean’s voice and he doesn’t blame him. You have to be absolutely ready to go for a rimjob. He knows that if he asked for it, Dean would flip him onto his stomach and turn him into a whimpering, moaning mess, as a favour, but Aidan doesn’t want that. He wants Dean to want to do it, when he is ready.
“Nah, that’s okay.”
Dean mumbles a few words along the line of “it’s not you, it’s me” and ends up saying “thanks”. Aidan thinks he should be offended. “Thank you for not making me lick your ass”, has kind of a weird ring to it, but he is sure that Dean didn’t mean it like that. And anyway, Dean is moving down his chest now, which is much more promising than a pointless argument over a poor choice of words.
Aidan reaches into the top drawer of his nightstand to fish out a condom. He hands it to Dean, hoping he would take the hint. Aidan has been hard for quite a while and doesn’t want to spend any more time on foreplay. Dean understands and thankfully gets right to it with charming enthusiasm. He rolls the condom on and once his kisses reach Aidan’s pelvic bone, he opens his mouth around the head of his dick. He lets it slide in a little and wraps his hand around the base. Aidan closes his eyes and enjoys the soft, warm heat on his cock.
Dean sucks him slowly at first, going down a little and then pulling off again to work his tongue around the head until Aidan starts rolling his hips and moans encouragingly.
He increases his speed bobbing his head up and down a little more sloppily, until Aidan’s cock hits the back of his throat, making him gag.
”That cock too big for you, slut?” Aidan’s fingers curl into his own hair painfully and Dean pulls off, using his hand to stroke for a moment. After giving himself time to breathe, Dean tries again, letting the length go all the way to the back of his throat, until his completely untrained gag-reflex kicks in.
”Swallow this cock, bitch, don’t puke on it!”
He’s gagging. He can’t breathe.
“Nnngh.” Aidan twists his hips away as best as he can, trapped between the mattress and Dean.
“You’re so hot,” Dean whispers admiringly.
”You’re disgusting. You are a disgusting, filthy slut.”
Dean ducks his head down again, and Aidan can tell that he is determined to make this the best blowjob ever, but Dean’s body protests against the intrusion with more gagging and coughing. It makes Aidan’s stomach turn.
He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe.
He can’t breathe! Aidan can’t breathe. He can’t.
“Dean, stop, please.” Aidan manages and struggles to get away. He scrambles all the way to the head of the bed until he is sitting up against the headboard with his legs drawn up protectively in front of his body. His heart is thumping as if he just finished a marathon and he sucks in a few shallow breaths, relieved that he can. “Can we do something else? Please?”
“Shit, are you okay?” Dean furrows his brow in concern. “Am I doing it really wrong?”
“Sorry.” Aidan covers his eyes with his cast, the one leftover reminder why he is so fucked up, and forces himself to inhale deeply and exhale slowly. He can’t believe this is happening. Now, when he thought he could finally be happy. “It’s not your fault.”
Considering that everything was fine before he started, Aidan can understand that Dean doesn’t believe him. He knows he owes him an explanation, but it is just so painful to explain something he never wants to talk about again.
“It’s stupid,” Aidan says after a long while. He uncovers his eyes and relaxes into a more approachable position. This is Dean, after all. He has to be able to trust Dean. “It’s the sound.”
“The sound?”
“The choking sound. It sounds like the video of me…” Aidan gestures towards his broken arm to save himself from going into any more detail. “Hearing it now, it… I... I didn’t think this would happen. It shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
“No! I’m sorry!” Dean looks genuinely upset. “Shit, I could punch myself. I thought you were enjoying it!”
“I was enjoying it until, well…”Aidan says with a feeble attempt at a smile and a little shrug. His attackers took too much from him already and now they are ruining getting his dick sucked as well. He could just scream. And punch something.
“Do you want me to try again? I can be more careful.” Dean strokes Aidan’s thigh, but there is nothing sexy about it. It feels more like your mother trying to comfort you after you fell off your bike as a kid.
“A careful blowjob? That sounds sad.” Aidan tries another smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He peels off the condom and drops it in the bin. “And I think the ship has sailed for now, anyway.”
“We’ll try again. We’ll get you earplugs if we have to.” He knows that Dean does his best to sound positive and reassuring, and Aidan laughs at his suggestion, genuinely, but there is no denying that they are both freaked out. “I don’t think we’re going to get much more sleep,” Dean sounds very regretful about it, “so how about I make us some coffee?”
Dean gives Aidan’s thigh one final squeeze. He rolls off the bed, but Aidan catches his arm before he can get up fully.
“Promise you’ll come back? Not like last time?”
“I promise I will come back.” He raises Aidan’s hand to his lips and gives his index finger a kiss. “Unless you have another contract for some amazing offer lying around that you’re not telling me about.”
Every other day Aidan would have called Dean’s attention to the amazing offer right there on the bed, but he is still upset and not in the mood to be cute.
“None that I know of,” he says instead and watches Dean leave the room. He gets up on his hands and knees and crawls to the edge of the bed, trying to peek around the corner into the kitchen. He needs to see that Dean is actually just making coffee instead of grabbing his stuff and running for the hills. Not that Aidan would really blame him if he did. No one wants to spend their time with someone so massively fucked up. The nightmares about his rape are one thing, but now there are bonus flashbacks during the day. Then there are years of prostitution, years of strangers doing whatever the hell they want with him, that is bound to have left him with some issues. Something a therapist could really dig into and savour for years. It is exactly the reason why Aidan cancelled the appointment with the psychiatrist. He doesn’t need to bring up everything and talk about it. Some things are best left alone. His point remains though, he is messed up and sure wouldn’t want to spend time with himself if he didn’t have to.
And yet, Dean doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave. Aidan can hear him puttering about the kitchen, humming, like it is no big deal and it’s a mystery how Dean can be so at peace with everything. Maybe it’s a Kiwi thing, but then again, maybe Dean’s on to something. Maybe there is nothing to worry about. Dean’s the relationship expert between the two of them, he should know. The fact that he doesn’t seem to be freaking out rubs off on Aidan and the longer he listens to the coffee machine gurgling and cups and spoons clattering and Dean humming, the calmer he feels.
Aidan scoots back the middle of the bed. If Dean’s positive attitude rubs off on him even from another room, he should do everything he can to make Dean want to stick around. He used to be like that, optimistic and cheerful, but he finds it more and more challenging to keep his attitude up when he is alone with his thoughts. He finds it much easier to be happy when someone else is around to force him out of his cocoon and out of his own head, but with Dean there is another element to it. Dean makes him happy. Not Dean’s company, just… just Dean.
When he returns Dean has put on underwear, Aidan is disappointed to see, but he carries two steaming mugs, which is at least some consolation. Dean hands him a cup and tosses a pair of shorts he picked up from the floor in Aidan’s direction.
“No distractions,” he explains and Aidan can’t argue with that. Dean sits down on the bed with his legs crossed and looks at Aidan expectantly with his pale blue eyes.
They talk. It is a little slow and a lot awkward at first and Aidan wishes this was as quick and painless as his first and only relationship talk, fifteen years ago with Róisín Keohane.
“So, are you my boyfriend?” she asked as they walked from the chem lab to double math – a torture unlike any other. He shrugged his shoulders and tried to look cool and indifferent, the way all fifteen year old boys do.
“Okay,” he said, secretly excited, though. “Are you my girlfriend?” He felt like he should check.
“Yeah,” she replied and slipped her hands in his.
The other boys didn’t give Aidan too much grief about holding hands with a girl in public, because for one, Róisín was one of the prettier girls. But more importantly, rumour was that she got drunk on Shelly Dover’s sweet sixteenth’s and allowed Shelly’s brother – unfortunately named Ben – to touch her boobs. Under her top. Therefore it was okay for Aidan to date her, according to the boys. If anything, it made him cooler. The girls had a different set of rules for selecting the appropriate boyfriend, but Aidan had two things going for him. Aside from the odd pimple he didn’t have terribly bad skin, unlike a lot of the other boys. The staple diet of burgers, pizza and fizzy drinks really took a toll on some of his friends, but he got lucky there. The other thing working in his favour is that he kissed a girl before, during a game of spin the bottle and she described his kissing as adequate, which qualified him as acceptable boyfriend material. So it was settled.
Sadly, things with Dean aren’t as easy - to be fair, the stakes are slightly higher, this time around – but Dean is taking the lead. Once again, it scares Aidan how open and honest Dean can speak about his feelings. It is something he isn’t sure he can do himself. He never had to and he doesn’t know how to think “we” instead of “I”. Most of all, he was never responsible for someone else’s happiness. Not for more than a few hours, anyway, and it terrifies him. He has to learn from scratch how to be in a relationship and he is bound to make mistakes. He just needs to know that Dean won’t give up on him if, no, when he fucks up.
He can’t say that, though. He can’t.
He can’t fuck this up if he wants Dean to stick around, so he keeps his mouth shut and listens instead.
“What I am trying to say is,” Dean finishes a monologue about his ex-almost-fiancé and the shock and pain and devastation of discovering that she cheated on him. “I know what you do isn’t cheating, but it’s so close and that doesn’t make it easier to accept it. I’d lie if I said that I’m totally cool with your job, but I want to try.” He reaches over and takes Aidan’s hand in his. “I really do, but I can’t promise that I won’t get upset or jealous sometimes.”
“I won’t talk about it to you,” Aidan suggests. Of course, being an escort is the biggest obstacle in their path, but he can at least chip away at that one and make it a little smaller.
“No. That’s exactly the opposite of what I want. I don’t want to wonder if you just were with a client when we see each other and I don’t want to wonder what you did with them. I don’t want it to be a secret.”
Aidan scratches his head uncomfortably.
“Are you sure?” That Dean wants to know if he was working is pretty understandable, but to tell him what he did with a client seems to be a little dangerous. What good would it do Dean to know that some guy with the biggest dick fucked Aidan and made him come loads? It just… it isn’t the kind of information you would want to share with your boyfriend.
“Well, I don’t need a written report of every appointment, but if I ask you about it…”
“I’ll tell you,” Aidan agrees and tilts his head to the side. “And you kind of want that report, don’t you?”
Dean laughs and shakes his head.
“I just want you to be honest and… a fair warning. If you fall in love with someone else, I want to be prepared.”
Aidan barely has time to put his empty coffee cup aside before he tackle-hugs Dean. The thought that Dean is honestly worried about Aidan, who never loved anyone, falling for someone else is just so touching.
“I would never do that. My first rule, remember? Never fall in love with a client.”
“I thought your first rule was everything that goes in gets a condom.” Dean rolls them around so that he is on top.
“Yeah, that too.” He pauses to think. “So I have two number one rules, no one said I can’t! And, come on, give me some credit, I tried really hard not to fall in love with you.”
“That’s true,” Dean agrees, surely remembering all the “will they, won’t they?” drama as well as Aidan does. Honestly, if they hadn’t run into each other at the gallery Dean would have been nothing more but a pleasant memory by now.
“I’m really glad I did, though.” Yeah, it’s cheesy, but he’s looking into Dean’s eyes and that makes him feel all warm and fuzzy and besides, it is the truth.
“Me too,” Dean agrees and flops on the mattress next to Aidan. The talk is over, they survived and Aidan can’t help but check one thing.
“So, are you my boyfriend?”