Chapter Text
“I think it’s my year Henderson,”
“I think it’s finally my year.”
Dustin clung on to Eddie, watching his friend choke on his words, his own throat constricting as tears streamed down his face.
“I love you man.” Eddie breathed out,
“I love you too.” Dustin choked out- barely able to speak.
He looked down on the boy, going limp in his arms,
“No- Eddie—” he gently shook him, trying to wake him up.
“Eddie? Come on.” he whispered, voice tightening. He let out a guttural scream, feeling pain wrack over every inch of his body. He frantically tried applying pressure to his wounds, to get the blood to stop, to somehow revive his now lifeless body.
“No, no… no please god no.” He lightly patted his face, sobbing as he held up the weight of his friend. He burrowed his face into Eddie’s, clinging onto the fabric of his jacket and crying into his chest.
‘He can’t be dead… he can’t.’ He thought to himself, digging his nails into the palms of his hand. He laid there with him for the next few minutes, letting grief wash over him in ruthless waves. He noticed the necklace around his neck, his favorite pick hanging down from his neck.
“I won’t let you be forgotten. I promise.” He gently removed the necklace, holding it delicately in the palm of his hands. He brought his closed fists up to his forehead and let out another cry, this time moving the boy's body to the ground and letting himself lay there with him.
He looked up through his tears, seeing the dead bats littered around him and cursed out in anger, a deep resentment of the disgusting creatures building up in his chest. If only he’d been able to get there in time, if only he’d been able to help him fend them off, stalled them a bit longer. He blamed himself.
He didn’t want to leave his body there, it felt wrong. Disrespectful. He mustered up the energy and dragged Eddie all the way back towards the trailer, every step causing excruciating pain to shoot up his broken leg. He sobbed the entire time, having to stop and cry in between each stride. When he made it, he managed to lift him into the trailer, laying him down in his living room.
His guitar.
Dustin limped his way towards Eddie’s room, taking hold of the instrument. Seeing it made him choke up, knowing how important it was- is- to Eddie, he slung it around his shoulder and made his way back to him, laying it down next to its owner, the bright red of the guitar matching the crimson that stained his clothes.
“I’ll miss you.”
—
“Fuck!” Steve woke up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down his face as he gripped the sheets on top of him. An agonizing feeling crashing into him as if he’d just been punched in the gut. The memories flooded back in a split second— adrenaline coursing through him as he continued to sob into his pillow.
He’s gone.
He’s really gone.
A searing pain shot through his chest, seeping into his heart and throat as he remembered the last words Eddies spoke to him.
“Hey Steve…
…make him pay.”
The words echoed in his mind, replaying the way his voice hesitated— as if he’d wanted to say something more. He remembered the look in his eyes, the way he stepped forward, the way he nodded to him, the way Eddie’s hand tightened around his spear when he said it. Every detail of that interaction was burned into memory, on a constant loop since Dustin had told him what happened.
“God damn it Eddie!” he cursed into his pillow, tears leaking down the side of his face. He limply hit the mattress, letting out a whimper.
“Why didn’t you listen to me you stupid asshole?” He spoke into the silence of his room, the darkness feeling overwhelmingly present. Why couldn’t he have gone with Dustin? Why’d he have to go and be a hero, why did he need to prove himself? Millions of questions were going through his head. One’s he knew he’d never have the answers to.
He got up and wiped away the salty residue of his tears from his face, knowing it was useless to try and go back to sleep. Ever since they’d came back from the upside down he hadn’t been able to sleep more than an hour at most, he felt like his brain was splitting in half- eyes growing heavier each passing day, yet not being able to do anything about it.
I should have told him. I should’ve fucking told him.
Steve squeezed his eyes shut again, digging the palms of his hands into his head. Thinking about the fact that he’d spent so much time pining over Nancy, fantasizing over what they’d had that he didn’t even get the chance to figure out what was sitting right in front of him… Eddie. It was him, it always was. Steve was just too fucking idiotic to see it, to say anything about it. God he felt so stupid.
Every interaction they’d had between them made his heart skip, his thoughts jumble. He used to roll his eyes at every sarcastic joke Eddie would throw at him, and now he found himself missing it, how he’d managed to make Steve laugh in even the most serious of situations. He missed the way he’d get nervous every time he did something around Eddie, the affectionate look of approval he’d get each time. He stifled another sob, putting a hand against his mouth so as not to make too much noise.
It’d been a week since chaos hit, Vecna’s “earthquake” completely disrupting Hawkins and people going missing left and right. Everything felt like it was ending, like it was crumbling and yet for some reason the only thing he could think about was Eddie. He couldn’t bring himself to go back to his trailer, scared of looking up in the portal and seeing his decaying body splayed out on the floor. He winced at the thought. He threw off his covers, suddenly remembering his object of comfort and running and grabbing the worn down denim vest. He clung to it, bringing it into his embrace as he sat in the empty room against the wall.
“I’m sorry Eddie. I’m so sorry.” He whispered into the fabric, breathing in the smell of denim, blood, sweat. He thumbed over the pins and hand sewn stitches, humming a song to try and calm himself down.
“When you cycled by,
Here began all my dreams—
The saddest thing I've ever seen.
And you never knew…
How much I really liked you.
Because I never even told you,
Oh, and I meant to.
Are you still there?
Or...have you moved away?
Oh...
I would love to go
Back to the old house
But I never will.
I never will...
I never will...
I never will...”
His voice cracked each line, attempting to hold back tears as he sung into the vest, remembering the time Eddie had shown him this song:
“I promise Harrington you’ll like this one, if you’re into that cheesy Tears for Fears shit then The Smiths are right up your alley and I can at least tolerate their music.” Eddie held out the album cover for Steve to take in his hand, laughing with a glint of humor in his eyes. Steve rolls his eyes in response,
“This shit is depressing as hell Munson— what makes you think I’d be into that? ” He scoffs and begrudgingly takes the album sleeve from his hands, pausing and looking over the different songs. “Plus he sounds all weird when he sings.” He scrunches up his face in displeasure as he listens to the record player warble out the music. He skims down the tracklist,
“So this is the one playing right now?” He drags his finger down the list and hovers over the 14th track. Eddie nods, smiling.
“Back to The Old House… huh. Interesting name.” Steve reads the name aloud, flipping the cover back and forth to look at the art and album name. He paused before asking a question,
“Why’d you show me one of the last songs on the album first?” He brought his attention back up to Eddie, who’d gone quiet. Steve swore he saw something flash through his eyes before responding… Was it sadness? Couldn’t be. He ignored it.
“I just thought you’d like it.” Eddie was back to smiling, despite the hesitance in his voice. Steve stared in confusion, watching him with a dry expression as he felt Eddie’s hand come up and ruffle his hair. He swatted Eddie’s fingers away, despite the fluttering in his stomach that he passed off as irritation. Eddie pouted, bringing his hand back to his chest and holding it like a wounded puppy,
“Aww Harrington you hurt me!”
He understood now. He understood why Eddie had shown him the 14th song. And he felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. And it was all he could think about.
He glanced over at the clock, squinting in the darkness to read the glowing outline of 3:07 AM flashing on display. He grabbed a crewneck sweater and tugged on Eddie’s Dio vest, planning on going outside for some fresh air. He quietly left his room, careful not to disturb the others in his house- Robin, Dustin, Jonathan and Will, who hadn’t been able to find a place to stay that wasn’t destroyed by the wreckage of Vecna’s portals opening. He made his way downstairs and snuck out the sliding glass door, shuffling towards the edge of the pool. The lights from inside the water lit up the dark area, a light blue hue reflecting off of every surface. He sat at the edge of the water, dangling just his feet in and laid his back on the concrete, looking up at the dark red sky and closing his eyes.
He heard someone sit down besides him, jolting upright and throwing his hands out in defense, fearful that it was one of Vecna’s monsters out to get him,
“Woah- woah, It’s just me Harrington, chill!” Steve’s eyes focused on the kids outline, Dustin's face becoming visible as his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. Steve breathed out a sigh of relief, tension in his body leaving as he watched the boy dip his feet in the pool with him. There was a moment of silence as the two of them sat in each others company.
“Having trouble sleeping?” Dustin asked, picking at a thread on his sweater.
“Yup.” Steve’s mouth twisted up into a forced grimace. Dustin nodded,
“Yeahhh me too. Not since…” Dustin paused, unable to finish the sentence. Steve put his weight against his hands as he leaned back, sighing in a silent understanding. He had so many questions, and didn’t want to pry open traumatic memories for the younger kid- but he couldn’t help it. His curiosity got the better of him.
“What did… he say? You know… when he-” Steve cleared his throat, also finding it hard to mention his passing. Dustin went silent for a moment, unusual for his joking demeanor.
“He told me that—” his voice cracked slightly, before quietly saying the rest, “—he loved me.” Steve saw the tears brimming in his eyes, feeling an immense amount of guilt well up in him knowing he shouldn’t have asked. He pulled Dustin into a tight embrace, feeling him sob into his chest as he silently cried with him, experiencing a feeling of grief he’d never felt before. He tried his best to hold it together for Dustin, petting his back in soothing motions to calm him. He mumbled “I’m sorry”s into the curly haired boy's head over and over again, not sure if it was directed at Dustin or Eddie at that point. He pulled back, the both of them sniffling in the dark, mourning together for the loss of their friend.
“I never got to tell him Dusty.” Steve breathed out a shaky half hearted laugh- Dustin's head whipping back to face him, eyes shining and eyebrows furrowed in worry and confusion.
“Tell him what?” Dustin said, taking in Steve’s silence- quickly realizing what he’d meant.
“Oh. Shit… Steve.” Steve watched the gears in his head turn as his mouth hung open in awe. He let out another bitter chuckle, this time shaking his head and looking down into his lap. He wasn’t surprised Dustin had caught on so fast, he was a smart kid.
“Yeah.” he gave a weak smile, “I didn’t know. Until he was gone.” Steve winced, mentally shaming himself for how pathetic he had been. Dustin lowered his voice, keeping it at a soft level,
“Steve…” Dustin grabbed his hand gently,
“He wanted me to give this to you.” he snaked a small trinket into Steve’s hand, closing it and patting his fist, releasing both of his hands.
Steve opened his palm, seeing a glint of metal resting in the center. When he realized what it was he choked back on his tears- feeling a wave of grief pierce through him. It was Eddie’s favorite ring- the gemstone one. He closed his fist again, bringing it up to his head and curling up his knees out of the water, not caring if he got himself wet. He let out a disgustingly loud sob, wrapping his arms around his legs and feeling Dustin's arm snake up his back in comfort, hearing the boy starting to cry with him. He hiccuped, gasping for breath as he let himself weep in the younger kids arms, regret and guilt wracking through his body- thinking about all the missed opportunities, the possible futures that were now out of reach.
When he’d finally managed to calm himself down to a decent level he took the ring in his hand, thumbing over all the crevices of it, before slipping it on his ring finger.
It fit perfectly.