Work Text:
at the sight of you
i freeze, as you are
soaked in crimson
bathing in despondency
a crumbling effigy
with a crude, unhewn heartbeat
mimicking the sound of
a conversation in passing
like a restless soul
flickering, both lost and found
in that muddled reflection
of the one i came here for
and maybe it’s not you
i sought, midway
between here and nowhere
but it’s you i kneel next to
in this twilit state of
uncertainty, like sleepwalking
and waking up in unspeakable dreams
yet aware that you’ve been there before
in this labyrinthine corridor
crowded with questions
you feel your limp body
being lifted up, gently
foaming at its mouth
through the silence that stares at you
sorrow waits its turn
winter follows, looming
and your eyes are wide open
and your breath is so still
and the space you inhabit
half-empty, half-full
and i know it’s not me
you wished to meet at this place
but the smoldering spectre
you see in the haze
resembles the image
that stayed when he left
counterfeit painting of a setting sun
you pinned all your faltering hopes on
as you struggle to make sense
of unfinished outlines, complex ghosts
play across vacant surfaces
in the shadow that numbs with purpose
gets ahold of your features
and your cracked tongue, muttering
deified words in between short,
labored breaths and attempting in vain
to repair what is left
of your sacred mosaic
of make-believe devotion
it’s already too late
something is always, irrevocably missing
and everything is out of our hands
and still, you reach out, yearning,
like the sea to hold an unknown fish
or the beginning to kiss the end goodnight
while in a fever, the planet forgets to spin
against its own will, against all odds
letting reason rust in despair
in this godless encounter, i try to hush you up
i hear his voice resonate, not mine
“hold still,” he whispers
and my heart feels heavy
and only he knows that you will die today
like a midsummer rainstorm
caught in comfortless currents
no permission to linger
and you could start to doubt
that you are
lying next to him, but you know
there’s no point in questioning
when this is all you ever wanted
when this is the best thing
you could have done
when this is the best lie you could have told yourself
you drift along, lost
in mind-altering desire,
in seasonal deceits and
tripped up in ceaseless pursuit
and the whole world is yours
and all the world exists in him
all the time passes through him and
in time, he will be there
taking the whole entire universe
in his grasp and
holding your heart
in the palms of a stranger
it beats too slow, but still, it pulsates
and the way the moonlight moves
in your veins and burns like a fallen star
slow dancing, turning to cinders, then ash
half-sinking in blissful surrender
to your body’s need for sleep
you cling to him
as if his very strength
is all you have got
and all the stars will be
eclipsed due to the blinding,
all-consuming brightness of his likeness
and you could start to doubt
that you are
lying next to him, but you know
there’s no point in questioning
when this is all you ever wanted
when this is the best thing
you could have done
and weary, you ask him
“my lord… are you proud..?”
but your king does not answer
and perhaps it was foolish
to pray that he would
yet through overcast senses
grieving clouds hanging low
you feel a sudden gesture
break the sky in half
and a warm hand reaching
through the cracks
touches yours
the weight of the world dissipates
and as i nod in his stead
reality collapses
an incredulous whimper
escapes your dry throat
but you know you’re not mistaken
as green fabric sweetly tells you
of his fortuitous presence, cradling you
with arms that aren’t his own
and forsaking understanding
we share a stolen moment
between everything we think is real
and the untimely nothing
and just for a split second
time stops and the moments
between us are the only truth
that lifts the fog like dusty curtains
enveloped by unyielding faith
the earth takes one last trembling breath
you’re smiling through the tears, at last
gravity loses its grip