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When Maya’s name was called she stood abruptly, as if she hadn’t been expecting it. As if she hadn’t been sitting alone in that chair for the better part of half an hour.
She was led through the double doors and down a corridor she hadn’t been in before. Placed in a spot on one side of a glass divider and told that the prisoner would be out in a minute or two.
She attempted to use the time to collect her thoughts once more. She worried the end of one of her sleeves. The elders had fitted her with new robes as she officially took over the role of Master of the Kurain channeling technique. She was still getting used to them, making a scolded habit of pulling the new length up so she didn’t trip.
The door opened on the other side of the pane and Maya’s head shot up.
“Mystic Maya. It’s such an honor for you to visit me.” Iris bowed, speaking with all the cadence expected from someone who didn’t stab her mother’s body. She used it anyway. Maya didn’t rise to greet her; she had no energy left to spare.
“Just Maya is fine. How are you, Iris?”
Iris sat down. Prim and proper and polite. “Everyone is very nice here. How are you?”
“I’m good, but that’s not what I asked.”
Iris let out a breathy laugh. “I’m doing well, all things considered. Sister Bikini visits me at least twice a week, although I asked her not to make the trip that often due to her back.”
“That’s nice of her.”
“I think so.”
The conversation petered out from there.
“I’m sorry to say this isn’t a completely friendly visit.” Maya started.
Iris wrung her hands together. “I figured. I don’t…” Want to talk about it. About her. Maya can hear it left unsaid.
“We don’t have the luxury of not talking about things.” Maya leaned forward in her chair. “This family ruined itself over that.”
She nodded. “I’m sorry for all the hurt my mother and sister caused. All the damage they’ve done.”
Maya smiled. “Iris?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t pretend you weren’t involved.”
Her face dropped, but only slightly. Like she had been expecting that.
Maya never knew Dahlia and her manipulations, but she knew her aunt. Lived under her thumb long enough to know which expressions were fake and which were real. The hurt and guilt she saw on Iris’ face were genuine. But if they didn’t rip open the wounds now they would never heal properly.
“I’m sorry,” Iris said. Genuine.
It was hard to separate the bitterness she felt from talking to her cousin even when she didn’t blame Iris for what happened. When Iris was the only one to help. Maya pushed it down, there was no place for it when everything was over. It was all just… unfortunate. That’s what the clan was sometimes: unfortunate.
Maya felt far too young for her new clothes, for this discussion. She didn’t feel any more ready for this responsibility than she had when she was put first in line.
“I know.” She took a breath. “I get why you did it. Mostly. I missed a lot of the details but … We haven’t really had a chance to talk, and I want to change that.”
“Can I… Can I try to explain? It’s mostly excuses but…”
“Go ahead. It’s part of why I came here.”
“...I guess I was trying to do my time. I never stopped my sister or any of her crimes… Then the Master and Mr. Armando came to me and made it clear that we should do everything in our power to protect you from the branch family, and I saw a way to help undo some of the damage we’d done. We couldn’t let them win… But I’m sorry it cost your mother to do that.”
Maya thought of what she would do for her family. All of the confidential documents she held for Mia. The ones Mia ended up killed over. All of the times she wondered if she had gotten there a little earlier then maybe- “You weren’t responsible for your sister.”
“But I helped her. Too much… Too little. I can’t say which…” She shook her head. Her hands moved in an arc. “I felt sorry for her. I thought I could pay for our places in this life if I helped. Dahlia told our father to send me to Hazakura temple when we were children. She’d convinced him there were too many mouths to feed... But I still loved her. I thought we were better for it because I had Sister Bikini. And I thought my sister had me."
Maya thought of the days she spent wondering if she was useful. Wondering if she really contributed anything to Nick’s work besides being a handful. If she was teaching Pearl good life lessons or setting her up for failure.
“Do you regret it? The plan?” Maya asked. She knew the answer, it was likely the same as Mr. Armando’s. Even if it had to end this way, it needed to end. It was a pile of mistakes that could not be undone and dwelling on it meant madness. Sheared sheep cannot blame themselves for where they walked when their wool was too thick.
“Would it be wrong of me to say I can’t?”
She thought of Morgan trying to accuse her of murder. How her aunt was brought kicking and screaming to jail. Of Dahlia trying to kill her. How the echo of her cousin’s screaming exorcism still rang deep in her subconscious.
And then she thought of Iris walking out of the courthouse in handcuffs, poised as though she had accepted her fate long before it was given to her. As though she would be able to atone for the actions of her bloodline by sitting in a cell silently. It wouldn’t be that simple, but Maya respected the effort.
“I’d thank you for being honest.”
Maya has learned that Feys lie and cheat and kill and yet defend each other so fiercely. Avenging and protecting each other from beyond the veil, for better or for worse.
Mr. Armando killing her possessed mother and Iris stabbing the body was just a drop in the large bucket that was Fey tragedy. It still made Maya want to scream. How was that the best plan they could have come up with?
It kept her up at night. The way Feys showed love. Not even love, maybe just what they perceived as a duty. Obligation. A plan that was doomed to fail from the start, every conspirator thinking they deserved the fallout that would follow.
As much as she hated to admit it, her mother got off the easiest. Her death left the burden on Mr. Armando and Iris, casualties of a sister rivalry hundreds of years in the making. She left her only remaining daughter behind and in doing so she did not have to face the consequences of her disappearance. She was practically a ghost before her body ever hit the floor.
Maya didn’t want people to die for her. To go to jail for her. She was so tired of sacrifices. So tired of secrets.
She was sitting in front of this woman who was so entwined with her and yet they were never allowed to meet. This woman who in part caused the scars on Nick’s lips, Mr. Armando’s poisoning, and her mother’s death. Who also took each punishment, self-imposed or otherwise, in the journey to repent.
And Maya was tired. She’s been tired since she walked into Fey & Co and saw her sister’s still cooling body against the wall.
She just… She wanted to know why. And she knew Iris wouldn’t be able to tell her that fully. Wouldn’t be able to tell her why her mother decided this was the best way. Why none of them burned that letter when they had the chance. Why this would be their last stand. Iris was a follower; as much as she had her own agenda, her own reasons, she did not ask questions.
The cycle of pain and hurt the Feys caused others, caused themselves… that would die by Maya’s hand. Even if she had to destroy herself trying. The Master of Kurain was a large burden, she couldn’t imagine why anyone would want it. Would kill for it even. The adrenaline had worn off and left Maya drained with nothing to show for it but the weight on her shoulders and the lingering chill.
She resolved herself to take an ax to the rotted lines of the family tree, strangling the vines before they harmed the only family she had left. Pearly and Nick deserved so much better than that. Maybe she and Iris did too.
It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
Maya exhaled. “We’re the last members of the Fey branches. You, me, and Pearl… What the branches have done to each other isn’t sustainable. I don’t want that for any of us anymore.” She watched Iris soften, looking like she wanted to reach out her hand. That seemed like the kind of person she was, at heart. “I… you can continue your isolation… or you can have a family. I talked to Pearl. She’d like to know you.”
It wouldn’t have been right to keep Pearl from her half-sister, as much as Maya wanted to cradle her away. It wouldn’t have been right to make decisions for her as so many did for Maya. Pearly deserved the choice.
Iris sat up impossibly straighter. “Really? She said that?” She was hopeful, eager. Her hand reached to her mouth in shock and Maya saw Pearl ingrained in the action.
She wanted to break the glass and… she didn’t know. Hug her. Strangle her. Maya didn’t move an inch.
“She did.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful! I really would love to see her. And maybe, if possible, Fee-”
Maya put up a hand. Gathered her thoughts. “I want to make one thing clear. We forgive you. We want to move on. Trust me, I want to move on so badly …” Her throat tightened. “But I need to know you won’t hurt them. I can’t do this again, I really can’t… And you’re on some thin ice.”
Iris looked down at her cradled hands.
“Between you and me, Iris, I’ve been accused of murder enough I think I’ve earned a freebie.” She gave Iris a thin smile. It’s a joke, although not a good one. Threatening was not in her nature. It was better that way.
Even still, Iris is the only one of them who has moved a blade through flesh. She knew the value of a threat, however joking. “I understand, Maya. Truly, I do.”
“It’ll be up to Pearl. Everything. We go at her pace. If she wants to see you, we will. If she decides she doesn’t, that’s it. Those are the only terms.”
Iris nodded. “Of course. I’ll only take what I’m given, Maya. I won’t overstep, I won’t intentionally hurt you. I promise.”
Promises held value too, sometimes. Fey blood ran through both of their veins and Maya wondered if the close proximity would make the building explode and take everyone with it. Take them with it.
A most powerful family in a most powerless position. Morgan must have hated it. And how unfortunate that Dahlia inherited that bitterness. That belief that they were owed more than they had.
Even after everything, Maya could only hope Iris was not her mother’s daughter. Could only hope that she wasn’t biding her time and wouldn’t try to sink claws into Pearl as Morgan had. Maya was taking a chance. Sticking her hand into water and hoping it wasn’t scalding.
But Iris sees Dahlia’s face in the mirror just as she sees Mia’s, even more so. A physical haunting as much as a spiritual one. It was a burden that could not be removed and threatened to drown you under its weight.
Iris stared at her for a moment as if reading her thoughts. “You know, I’m thinking of cutting my hair. Short.”
Iris’ piercing gaze was not lost on her.
“It’ll be a good look on you,” is what she replied.
“Thank you. I think so too.” She smiled. “It’ll be a nice change. I never really tried anything new before.” Tried anything for herself, she meant.
Maya smiled too. “Alright. Good, I don’t want this to be hostile and everything was just sounding too serious and ominous. From now on,” she threw her hands in forward, “good foot forward. We’ll visit you… And we’ll be waiting for you to get out. However long it takes.”
“I look forward to it. Maybe we can go to this burger place by the Ivy campus library if it’s still there.”
“Burger Haven?”
The tone shifted instantly. Indescribably lighter.
Iris clapped her hands. “That’s it! You know it?”
“Yeah, their fries are so good!”
“It was one of the things I missed most. I used to drag Phoenix there all the time.”
Maya slammed the counter. “No way! I drag Phoenix there all the time!”
Iris laughed. “It’s good food!”
“Yeah! And the jingle! Haven to Haven- ”
Iris joined in. “- We got what you cravin’. We have the beef!”
Maya wiped a tear from her eye. “Oh man, poor Nick.”
Iris waved her off. “He’ll live.” They dissolved into giggles. It was the most normal Maya felt in a long time, if she ignored their surroundings.
The further they lapsed into a comfortable conversation, the more Maya wondered if this is what life could have been like. If there weren't generations of rivalry and duty crushing them at every turn. She didn’t let herself dwell on it.
“I don’t know how much it really matters hearing it from me,” Iris started, “but, I’m proud of you. You’ve gone through so much and you’re stronger than the rest of us ever were. You’ll make a wonderful successor.”
Maya straightened, she restrained herself from picking at her sleeve. “Thank you… No, it means a lot.”
Iris smiled at her again, sweet and delicate. “Thank you, Maya, really. It’ll be nice to have a sister again.”
And Maya’s stomach dropped. The room was suddenly too small. Too suffocating.
“Pearly will be really excited.” She gritted through her teeth.
“Can I call her that too? Pearly?” Iris’ eyes shined.
Maya swallowed, tried not to gasp out her response. “You can ask. We’ll come down next week.” The new robes still constricted her lungs and she felt tears building in the back of her eyes.
It was time to leave.
“You know, I should go. Train times and all that- Have a good day.” Maya stood and turned to leave. The exit was just in sight.
“Maya,” Iris called, and Maya did her the honor of stopping. “A part of me wonders if I had just loved her more... if it would have changed anything.”
Her voice held the tiniest bits of hope and regret crashing into each other, forming a turbulent wave. It was an idealist fantasy. An impossible fantasy. Maya had had to grow up a lot over the past few years; she knew a losing battle when she saw one.
“It wouldn’t have.”
Maya left.
Maya wanted closure. She wanted to be able to walk down the street without the ghosts of her family’s past nipping at her heels. She felt she might finally be starting to get that.
She held her final note to Mia in her pocket and told herself that if a lawyer can’t cry until it’s over, neither can she.