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He did not know what he was doing
But, fuck, it was funny.
Midoriya Izuku, 18, a hero-in-training, the next symbol of peace, one of the Japan's -if not the whole world's- best future heroes, had recently discovered- unfortunately -that he had a flaw and he was not particularly proud of it.
Well, more or less.
Izuku Midoriya loved playing pranks.
But if we take a moment to think about it, it's nothing so strange. It's a trifle compared to how many qualities he has instead. He is kind, intelligent, sensitive, empathetic, determined, he wears his heart on his sleeve, he helps the helpless, champion of freedom, stuttering bundle of nerves, whiner, awkward with the fairer sex, mama's boy...
Right, we were talking about qualities.
Well, whatever. We love him for that, too.
The only problem?
He loved playing pranks on All Might.
Of all people.
All Might .
Former number one, the symbol of peace and a source of inspiration for all the heroes of Izuku's generation and the previous generation and the future -hopefully-
Blond-haired, blue-eyed, imposing, massive, 6 feet 8 inches of pure muscles -there were once, okay?!- looming presence that made the bad guys he fought tremble with fear. Teenage dream of many women -and yes, I know what you're thinking, even Inko's because Inko always liked men older than her who could assure her peace of mind and security. Sue her-.
All Might, 54, a youngster, part-time coach at the simple cost of "eat this," former pro-hero, one of the most famous men in the world, with poor skills as a teacher but with a good heart.
All Might, Izuku's idol since he was 3 and mentor since he was 14, always made expressions at the least hilarious when a joke was played on him but promptly he never knew who to blame and then he pointed at a person completely at random.
It had started with a simple misunderstanding, really.
In the teacher's lounge the coffee tasted better- guilty Aizawa-sensei, for sure - so at least, once a day, Izuku would sneak over there to drink it and get as much caffeine as possible, and that was something no one knew about and the boy wanted to keep hidden as long as possible. He certainly didn't want Shinsou to find out considering the amount of coffee his friend drank.
Vade retro Shinsou.
Especially now that teachers suspected a thief .
Izuku was not a thief, okay? He was just broke af because that coffee cost as much as one of his kidneys on the underground market.
And if he had to be sincere, it was worth every penny.
He had just inserted the capsule into the coffee machine after turning it on. He clicked the button and an intense scent of hot coffee wafted through the room.
Izuku flared his nostrils to take a deep breath. Awesome.
He needed his 3 teaspoons of sugar so that at least the coffee could be sent down.
He opened the cabinet door at the side to find two empty jars, both the sugar and salt jars . -He didn't know who used salt and he didn't dare ask- .
He filled them, not totally full, in fact almost empty, so as not to be suspicious, and he enjoyed his coffee in peace before classes.
He loved his life.
His tranquility was soon washed away by the sound of approaching footsteps. Izuku put everything back in its place, he turned off the machine, and he climbed to the ceiling, stepping into a vent.
"I'll just take a spoonful of sugar for my tea, Mic."
All Might entered the hall at a brisk pace, clearly in a hurry as Yamada-sensei waited for him in the doorway. "Hurry up, we're late."
"I never remember which one is the right one."
"The yellow one is sugar, the blue one is salt," said the English teacher as he browsed Heronet's homepage.
"Oh, the yellow one then," he received a murmur in response.
OH
OH
Izuku had just switched jars. He had put salt in the yellow one and sugar in the blue one. He wanted to warn but...
All Might spit out the tea staining the entire wall with his spit.
The expression he made was beyond hilarious, his eyes widened like two saucers so that his dark circles disappeared altogether. His mouth remained open while disgust distorted his features.
His eyes rested on the figure of Yamada-sensei in the doorway who stared at him open-mouthed, forming a perfect "o."
Loose stance, eyes averted were replaced by stiff muscles and an awkward posture while a shouted laughter made the whole institution shake so much that Izuku, terrified, had to hold on to the iron walls of the air vent.
"What the fuck, Yamada!" shouted All Might or at least tried. Salt was scraping his throat.
Yamada was making intermittent sounds, laughing without his usual shout, but his shoulders were still shaking.
Izuku was completely shocked.
Yamada-sensei was a seal!?!!
"We don't have time for this, Mic," Toshinori said, coughing. He spilled his tea into the trash while with one hand he tore a sheet of paper to clean it up.
"Shit!" he complained.
The sight of the former hero cursing as he wiped his own spit off the wall made Yamada laugh even harder.
As if his life was in danger-because it was-Izuku continued to hold on to the walls while also trying not to spill his own coffee.
The "fucking earthquake"-as it will be kindly called by Aizawa-made the tired-looking and sleepy-looking 3-A teacher rush in.
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" his eyes glowed red, focused on Mic.
Yamada stifled a few words as he tried to stop laughing but from the strong tremors in his shoulders and intermittent laughter, he was not even trying.
Aizawa turned off his quirk and he turned toward All Might looking at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Don't look at me like that, it's his fault," he said disconsolate, pointing at Mic. "He told me the sugar jar is the yellow one but there was salt inside and so," he pointed to the stain.
"Huh?"
No longer being stopped by Aizawa's Erasure, Mic resumed laughing using his quirk. "Hizashi!"
"I CAN'T STOP IT."
Aizawa looked at him ruefully.
If Shota's gazes could kill, Hizashi would already be dead. 300 times.
And Izuku, too.
And also All Might.
And also the stupid mouse/bear/ermine principal who insisted on not telling anyone about the coffee thief.
Mic raised his hands in surrender, noticing the malacqua and walked out of the room.
Aizawa huffed and then he massaged the bridge of his nose. He looked around and after All Might who was still lying there cleaning up as he muttered a few expletives to himself in English.
He might as well have cursed him at that instant not that Aizawa understood him.
He sucked in English.
"There's no time to clean up, Yagi. Nedzu will send someone, surely he already knows everything," he huffed. "Classes will start in a few minutes."
In the vent, Izuku's expression was not much different from All Might's defeated by salt.
WHAT THE FUCK HAD JUST HAPPENED?
*-*-*-*
"Deku-kun, where were you?"
Uraraka greeted him as soon as he entered the classroom. Iida now merely looked at him disapprovingly, losing more and more hope in making his friend more on time in the morning.
"Midoriya, are you okay?" asked Todoroki.
The mismatched eyes looked at him with mild concern.
"Did you guys hear that? It seems that Yamada-sensei played a prank on All Might this morning," Kaminari shouted as he rushed in, "His laughter caused that quake we heard this mornin'."
Surprised nods asked for more. A slight hubbub arose.
"What I wouldn't give to see it happen before my eyes," said Sero as he sank into his chair.
His comment brought Midoriya out of his trance-like state.
Thunderous laughter erupted from deep within Izuku. Everyone fell silent as Izuku laughed so loudly that he slumped forward.
"Deku, what the fuck?!" exploded Bakugou as he turned to Kirishima for confirmation.
Aizawa chose that very moment to enter the classroom. Not even the sight of the sensei made him stop laughing; rather, his bemused frown encouraged him to take a deep breath and laugh again.
Sero, Mina, Kaminari, Uraraka and others joined in while Todoroki and Bakugou smiled.
"Midoriya, be careful you'll risk spilling your coffee."
Iida approached, he would catch the drink if Izuku ever died of a sudden attack of laughing.
Coffee was more important than a fallen Midoriya.
Obviously. Class 3-A had priorities.
Aizawa's eyes flashed at the sight of the sky-blue cup in his problem child's hands.
He should have known better.
"Why are we laughing?" Said someone amid the cackling.
"I haven't the foggiest idea but I can't stop."
Izuku looked from his cup to his teacher's face. The empty jars were nothing more than " a logical ruse," and he had fallen for it like a first-grader.
Aizawa snorted a smile, and the others took his action as an incentive to laugh even harder.
The class could have started ten minutes later.
_____
The situation got worse.
Well, for All Might.
For Izuku it was frankly thrilling and super fun.
He was sitting in the cafeteria at his usual table. Uraraka and Iida on his left, Todoroki and Tsuyu on his right.
A dejected Kaminari approached with a tray in his hands.
"Can I sit here? I've been kicked out," he pulled up with his nose.
Everyone agreed with a "sure" "yes," "you don't even have to ask" except Todoroki who came up with a "Even today?"
Everyone looked at him while Kaminari sat down without even blinking.
He had said something he shouldn't have, hadn't he?
"Bakugou?" asked Uraraka as Shoto resumed eating quietly after a shrug. He couldn't have changed his brain-mouth filter even if he had wanted to.
C'est la vie, mon coeur
(Cit.Aoyama)
"Kirishima"
"Woah, what did you do to get kicked out of Kirishima?"
"What makes you think I did anything?"
Izuku looked at him with tight lips and a "are you serious?" look as the sudden silence played its part.
"Okay, good. I pranked him" Shoto sucked in his cold soba "Well more than one time" he confessed.
"Which means?"
"Disgraceful for a hero, Kaminari. You must apologize to Kirishima now."
"Tenya shh" shushed Uraraka "tell US what you did"
Midoriya chuckled and then he clutched his shoulders at Iida's stunned gaze.
"You know those pranks that Mic-sensei keeps playing on All Might even though he constantly denies that he is the one doing them?"
There were 5 murmurs.
"Like the salt's one or when he changed language on the cell phone, the tape under the mouse sensor, the toothpaste in the Oreos?"
"Toothpaste in Oreos?" asked Uraraka scandalized. "Oh God, poor All Might."
"It's All Might, you have to show respect."
Iida said, clinking his chopsticks on the plate, "Who would do that?"
Izuku. Midoriya Izuku. Totally.
That was his work. The most fulfilling so far.
Thank you very much for the applause.
Izuku laughed, drawing attention.
"Well, I did them to Kirishima, too."
"Well, I don't blame him for kicking you out," said Tsuyu.
"HEY!" Kaminari became indignant and ran a hand through his hair. "The bubble bath one was the straw that broke the camel's back though."
"Oh well, I'm sure," Midoriya said with an amused smile.
______
Izuku decided to play one last prank, and just the idea instantly killed him. He would reveal to All Might that he was the prankster and not Mic-sensei.
Poor Mic-sensei.
Izuku was still a hero after all.
He would have saved him from unjust accusations.
To take the glory, of course.
He and All Might had grown closer and closer. Every day they ate together outside or inside the school. They had tea in their private room at five o'clock every afternoon like perfect Englishmen. There, they talked less and less about OFA and AFO and more and more about lighter topics like "how to set up the washing machine for safe washing" or "the best cast choices for the next Mount Lady movie."
And yes, Izuku took the opportunity to play tricks on All Might in washing his clothes as well. Inserting more detergent than necessary so that it would make the washing machine go haywire and create a lake of suds or replacing the color catcher with a simple napkin.
Priceless .
Simply sublime. *Chef kiss*
All Might arrived at school in a white jersey tending to pink with some darker spots.
Izuku had laughed so hard that day that he thought he would die. But it would have been a pleasant death. His poor abs.
He was now sitting in his car, with his freshly printed driver's license in his wallet, calling All Might's number and waiting for his answer.
"Young-Izuku"
"Toshi!"
"What happened?"
"I need help, my mother is not here. I can only ask you. Please help me," he said in the most alarmed and worried voice he could fake.
"What? Of course my b-"
"Listen to me, something happened..."
"What's going on? Are you in the hospital?"
"What? No, I'm not in the hospital."
Izuku was somewhat outraged by that question. He had not been hospitalized for a full five months.
5 months.
That is, it was great progress. No broken limb for a full 153 days.
"Were you attacked? Should I call Aizawa?"
"No, no" All Might's pure concern warmed his heart, but Izuku was a bit of a bastard inside.
"I was stopped by the police-I, um, I was running and they wanted to fine me 85,000 yen- "
"Oh, Izuku."
"-I begged them not to do it to me and I told them I was running home because my father had fallen to the ground, okay?" He mumbled quickly.
"Me? Fallen to the ground?" stammered All Might.
"Toshiii, listen to me, quickly let them find you on the ground, fallen. Now they follow me home to make sure whether I told the truth or not" .
Strange noises could be heard from the cell phone, All Might was ... running?
"Izuku? damn you!"
"All Might, I couldn't take this fine, you know mom, she would have cried and given me that 'I'm very disappointed in you, Izuku' look, and then 85,000 yen, that's a lot."
"And lie to the police?"
Was that a slightly annoyed tone?
"Izuku, I could have paid the fine."
"Toshi quickly, I have to end the call, leave the door open."
There was a circle of hell for Izuku. Ungrateful adopted children.
"But how? IZUKU."
"BYE BYE, BE QUICK!!!"
A snort and incoherent, stammering sentences rose from the other side. Izuku pushed the cell phone further and further away from his face. He pressed his hand to his mouth, his face red from the effort of holding back laughter.
" AND DON'T FORGET THE DOOR!!!" he said before ending the call. A laugh filled the silence.
It would have been fun.
****
All Might would have wanted to die, slowly, baked in his despair, thank you very much.
Things we do for a child.
Ah...
*****
"Please come in, officer."
Izuku entered the house by opening the door; what he saw would be forever etched in his memory and in his cell phone.
Obviously in his cell phone.
Say hi to the cameras, Toshi
***
ALL MIGHT, former number one hero, terror of many, hope of others, was about to be covered in immense ridicule. He was lying on the floor with a bathroom cabinet on his legs and towels scattered on the floor.
"Ah... Izuku I'm here, in the hallway," he complained after hearing the door open and Izuku's voice inviting the officer in, "Thank goodness you're here."
He closed his eyes to make everything seem more tragic and painful as the embarrassment of what he was about to do colored his cheeks.
May the gods take him at that time.
Please.
"Officer it was my fault, please call an ambulance and you, Izuku, help me up. I can't"
Izuku's airy laughter stiffened All Might. His successor was filming him with a cell phone and looking at him as if he were the funniest thing in the world.
What the fuck?
"Izuku"
"Get up," Midoriya ran a hand over his chest and then he moved the cabinet off his legs " All Might" he mimicked emphatically.
"Where is the policeman, Izuku?"
The teenager resumed laughing as he squatted toward him. Still no explanation on the horizon.
"Ah, I knew it. It's a prank" All Might began to stand up on his long, skinny knees that creaked along with the hardwood floor.
"AHHAHAHA this makes my tummy hurt," Izuku held back his abs.
"Izuku..." an angry frown distorted his features, the "you deserves it" painted on his face.
"Oh God, it was a joke da-"
"AH AH, Izuku don't do that" the man chastised him "I'll get up by myself" he whispered then, refusing his boy's strong hand.
Izuku resumed laughing, the vein on Toshinori's forehead violently pumping blood as it grew larger and larger.
'Izuku, stop it, it wasn't funny."
"Ohhh... it was instead, along with all the other jokes."
"Was that you?"
All Might's indignant and betrayed tone made it even funnier.
"The mouse?"
A nod
"Oreos?"
Another.
"The washing machine?"
One more.
"I am outraged and deeply disappointed by your behavior, young Izuku."
All Might looked at him exhausted, at the edge of endurance, his hands hanging at his sides, his red and blue plaid shirt and blue sleeve.
Izuku could not help but he laughed once again. He really was a meme. He should have called him All Meme."
"AHHAHAHAH Toshi you look like Iida."
"This does not help, young Midoriya."
"Oh no, did we go by last name?"
"Mh mh."
"Don't be angry, please."
Izuku flashed his most innocent and pure eyes. He reached out and squeezed Toshinori's torso in a strong embrace that was not reciprocated.
"Pleaseee" he pleaded.
Still nothing.
"Please, daaad."
And he was still new to their father-son relationship but they were trying. Izuku had told him about Todoroki's strange theory at which All Might could only laugh. One evening, on their sofa, with Izuku lying on his lap and Toshinori playing with his hair, his boy said
" I would like to be your son, you know."
"If you want, I would be honored."
"So I should call you Dad?"
"If you want"
"I don't know if I can, but I will try."
"I'm here, Izuku. I'm here to see you try and wait for you."
"Thank you...Dad."
And Toshinori every time he heard that word he felt a sticky warmth attacking him from inside, and it was so nice, so soft and at the same time so refreshing.
His son, his little Izuku with soft, bergamot-scented curls. All cute and cuddly and ...
"I'll show everyone this video, just know it," laughed Izuku in the hollow of his neck.
... asshole-hearted.
All Might held him tighter in his arms.
"Little brat," he smiled.
Izuku returned the grip even tighter.
_______
*Before the last prank*
"Toshinori, come in" All Might was at the Midoriya house to talk to Inko about a situation that was bothering him "To what do I owe the visit? Has Izuku gotten into trouble again?"
"No, no."
Both of them headed for the kitchen, Inko set some water to heat up for tea, taking from the top shelf, the jar reserved for the former hero "I mean...not really?"
Inko looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "What do you mean?"
"It's awkward... mmh, weird?"
All Might sat on the stool at the side of the counter.
"It's Izuku, he ... started playing tricks on me?"
Toshinori's cheeks turned red under Inko's inquiring gaze.
"I don't understand why he makes fun of an old man like me. I would understand if he did it with his peers but..."
All Might turned his gaze to his house slippers. He was a guest so often in this house that he also had his own personal, customized ones. They were blue, red and yellow.
Izuku was not a very creative child, okay?
"I wouldn't want him to be angry. Does he hate me?" he whispered almost in a huff.
A murmur arose in response.
Toshinori's eyes widened only to be reassured by Inko's words.
"No, no, it's not at all what you think," Inko grabbed the whistling kettle from the fire so he could pour the hot liquid into the cups, "it's more like the other way around."
"When Izuku was little and Hisashi was still around," the woman began, "he and Izuku were always playing a lot of tricks on each other."
"A small balloon under the sofa cushion, swapping sugar for salt, filling the computer with post-it notes, hiding the notebooks."
"Many times they would even ally against me, it was their way of telling me they loved me."
Inko sat down in front of All Might.
"But since that doctor's visit and with Hisashi's departure... Izuku has stopped being a troublemaker brat."
Inko blew tea into the cup, took it with both hands and brought it to his mouth.
"I was very worried at first. I wondered if everything would go back to the way it was, and then..."
Inko cleared his throat " Masarau helped."
"Masarau?" All Might stiffened. Was he Inko's second husband? A boyfriend? A second daddy for Izuku?
"Masarau Bakugou, Katsuki's dad."
Ah.
"Masarau was great with Izuku, he helped him a lot in the first few weeks. They became very close and Izuku started with little jokes again and Masarau was okay with that, he knew what Izuku was like. But then..."
"What happened?"
"Masarau is not Izuku's father, Katsuki became very jealous of their relationship. He would not share his father with Izuku and ... He told him very clearly in the only way Katsuki knew how."
"It hurts him a lot but I don't blame Masarau for choosing his son." Inko dwelled on the next word choice.
"Well, little Katsuki could be a handful when he wanted to be," he laughed without mirth.
"But in the end it was always the two of us, and since then I haven't seen Izuku play pranks," he concluded, "it's something he reserves for people he sees as Dad."
Inko smiled openly with a smile that was very reminiscent of her son's. A few wrinkles at the corners of her mouth made her even more beautiful.
"It is his way of expressing love and telling you that he trusts you."
All Might nodded as his cheeks grew redder and redder. He was going to be a really fun dad; he had 13 years to make up for.
------
"Really Yagi? Is that the best you could think of?" Aizawa asked as he looked a video on his computer.
"I ... panicked?" he whispered awkwardly to his friend.
"Would you have lied to the police?"
"Izuku could have lost his driver's license, and he worked so hard to get it," he said firmly, recalling the many afternoons together in the car.
Firmness that met two red eyes, however.
"It wouldn't be the first time I've lied to the police, Aizawa," he huffed, "and don't look at me like that, you would have done it too!"
"Maybe."