Chapter Text
Inhale, 2, 3…clench the muscles in the arms, exhale, 2, 3…unclench…
Now the legs, 2, 3…the torso……3…
Panic rising. Breathe into it, 2, 3, 4, 5…Out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8…
I have endured far worse than this before, and this will end. I have endured far worse than this before, that’s for sure…
Sasuke couldn’t have known it, but six months had passed. He had long since abandoned any attempt to keep track of how many days it had been, here in the dank, underground pit that was Konoha’s most heavily guarded prison.
He shifted in his chains, breathing out a forceful sigh, demanding relief.
Any forgiveness he may once have thought possible for the village had been soured by this time spent kept like something less than human. The heavy chains - which not only limited his mobility, but drained his chakra to prevent any kind of “uprising” - were lifted only under the supervision of mealtimes; the blindfold never.
Six months in a sensory nightmare, tied up and tossed into a dark corner like he wasn’t the second most powerful living shinobi in the world. He wasn’t sure why he’d allowed it, but he hadn’t felt he had much choice. Sasuke often found himself being backed into these choices by some external force. He bit his lip bitterly, perturbed by the reminder of all the times he’d allowed the course of his fate to be decided by somebody else.
Not this time.
Really it wasn’t just the cruel nature of his imprisonment that had gotten to Sasuke, it was all that time to think. Think about all of it. Every cruel, unforgiving, unrelenting bloody detail.
You see, as Sasuke turned over the phrase again and again in his mind that he had been through so much worse, in an effort to soothe himself and tolerate an intolerable confinement, a million memories of things so much worse flashed in his mind, like waking nightmares, painting the blindfolded back of his eyelids with blood.
The sheer terror and agony he felt in these moments were as real as the day he was first made to feel this way, but unlike that day he was all alone. Somehow in retrospect the day of the massacre felt safer with Itachi there. He knew it didn’t make logical sense, but at least he had something to tether himself to, even if it was the last person he ever should have tried to tether himself to…
After all the carnage they both had been put through, how could he really be expected to forgive and forget?
The inharmonious creaking of a door followed by two sets of footsteps down cobbled path shook Sasuke from his thoughts. He wasn’t a sensor but the chakra was too familiar not to recognize.
Sasuke ignored the way his heart flipped, ignored the heat in his cheeks, ignored the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears. He shut down his senses and pushed away his reactions in the same way he always had.
What was harder to ignore was the sense of safety and true relief that finally washed over him.
“Hey, hey, Kakai-sensei, isn’t it weirdly still in here, y’know? Is Sasuke really in here? I bet they pointed us to the wrong door, w-we should go back…”
They were right outside his cell now. Sasuke gulped, not entirely comfortable with the idea of Naruto seeing him like this. This wasn’t right. The blindfold was too tight, seeming to squeeze tighter with every second that it wasn’t removed. He couldn’t see him. He wanted to see him.
Kakashi didn’t answer Naruto verbally at first, seemed to unlock and swing his cell door open with a candor that said “see for yourself”. Nervous silence hung in the air for just a second before Naruto’s footsteps came colliding towards him, stopping with a sudden scuffle.
“S-Sasuke?”
The tremble in Naruto’s voice was already audible. Sasuke gulped. His mouth was free, he could respond however he chose, but what could he say?
Naruto’s body weight came crashing into his own before he could decide.
“Sasuke…Sasuke……”
He could tell Naruto was crying as he held him; wet, teary eyes brushing against his neck.
“Naruto…”
He grimaced at how weak his own unused voice sounded and cleared his throat.
“Naruto, I’m okay…get me out…”
The words sounded strong enough, but he knew the deep-set look of panic on his face would give him away if he couldn’t wipe it off before the blindfold was removed.
He felt Naruto nod his head frantically at the request before pulling back, holding his shoulders in his hands. Sasuke burned to move his arm, to open his eyes. He had stayed strong this whole time, his resolve and composure barely cracking the entire time he was imprisoned, but he really couldn’t take it any longer. His muscles ached, begging for release.
“What the hell are you waiting for?!?!” Naruto called out to Kakashi, “Come let him out, hasn’t he suffered long enough?!”
Oh, Naruto was mad. It was unlike him to speak that way to Kakashi, and Sasuke could hear the fury in his voice, bubbling over like a pot of water left unattended for too long.
All on his behalf. Sasuke felt his heart stir as the second pair of footsteps walked his way.
“Sasuke? It’s me.”
Sasuke felt Kakashi’s hand on his knee.
“I’m going to let you out now so just stay still for a moment...”
Sasuke said nothing as Kakashi completed the hand seals to release the chains around him. Finally, he felt the weight of the world slide off his back. He grumbled a low, pained whimper as he attempted to shrug the metal off on his own.
“Let me help you…let me help you…” Naruto’s words were frantic, shaking with emotion as he rushed back in, pushing Kakashi aside.
He began tenderly lifting the chains off of Sasuke, lowering them to the floor with a clatter before hands rose once more to undo the straight jacket.
“How could you let them treat him like this? They’ve got him locked up worse than an animal…Kakai-sensei…why? How could you let this happen??”
That familiar strength and resolve was back in Naruto’s voice, but Sasuke was sure he was crying. He could hear the way Naruto’s voice wavered, despite his assertiveness.
“Naruto, I told you I did everything I could, please,”
“Well you CLEARLY didn’t do enough, y’know!!! Look at him! Guess you were too caught up in that book to make sure they weren’t torturing your student down here.”
“The elders were impossible to convince, Naruto, you know this. You know we are so lucky I was able to convince them to release him at all-”
Sasuke huffed an anguished exhale.
“Will both of you stop fighting and get me out of this fucking thing already?!”
Silence and stillness hung for a sobering second. Naruto refocused and quickly set about ripping the last layer of restraints from Sasuke’s torso, muttering a slew of apologies over and over. Kakashi was silent. Sasuke’s mouth hung in a distinct frown, displeased at himself for snapping at Naruto, who was defending him, and even more displeased at the way his body screamed in resistance as he was finally released from his binding.
Sasuke’s hair was lifted gently as if by a cool breeze as Naruto tenderly slid the blindfold off his eyes. Sasuke thought he had a brave face on, but Naruto’s reaction made him think otherwise; the way his lips sealed together in a tight frown, eyes wobbling with tears, before throwing his arms around Sasuke once more.
They’d never even embraced like this before.
Sasuke felt bitter. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He couldn’t even hug back properly, his arm too sore from disuse to move freely. He wrapped his arm around Naruto’s waist feebly, fingers gripping desperately at warmth and safety, pulling him closer. Naruto seemed to choke back a sob, held him tighter, fingertips digging in, face burying in his shoulder.
Sasuke’s cheeks felt hot as he remembered Kakashi’s presence in the room. He released his grip on Naruto, signaling that the embrace was over, and the blond pulled back. There seemed to be an air of disappointment clinging to him at this, but Sasuke wasn’t certain he wasn’t just projecting. Kakashi was minding his business, arms crossed as he looked off to the side at nothing in particular, seemingly lost in thought.
“So I’m finally free to go?”
“Not yet…..well yes, yes you’re free to go,” Kakashi quickly amended, hands raised in a plea for mercy to Naruto, who was already glaring panicked daggers in his direction, “I just have to go over a few conditions with you, Sasuke. And, there’s one other thing we need to get done before you go…”
Why did Kakashi seem so nervous?
“...and what is that?”
Kakashi looked at his feet and sighed.
“The elders have requested - well, no, they’ve required that you meet with them. They want to assess your, er, threat level...”
“My threat level?”
“Sasuke, Naruto and I know you won’t try anything like this ever again, but the elders are not on the same page. Not enough that I could arrange your release without this, I’m sorry.”
The lump in Sasuke’s throat felt like a ticking time bomb, full of unsaid words and unspoken hurt desperate to explode from his tongue. But that would just make him more of a “threat” now, wouldn’t it? Nevermind that he was the seven year old who came home to his entire clan slaughtered. Nevermind that he was the one left to raise himself, not even an adolescent. Nevermind the way no adult cared enough to stop Itachi from beating him into a coma at 12. Or the way no one made an effort to find and take down Orochimaru after they knew he’d preyed on him. Or…or…or…
He could go on but what did it matter to anyone other than him? He hadn’t been the perfect victim; hadn’t had the perfect, sane reaction to mass murder and genocide. And now he had to go have, what, a nice little chit chat? With the very orchestrators of said genocide? Right. Because he’s the threat. He who wanted revenge, but backed down, accepted an unfair prison sentence, suffered for crimes he hadn’t actually committed, Danzo aside. Was Danzo’s life that valuable that he deserved to live unchecked with the blood of an entire people on his hands?
The sound of Naruto shifting in his seat brought Sasuke back to the room. He looked over at the blond, who was glaring angrily at the ground, visibly gritting his teeth behind tightly pressed lips. That softened Sasuke.
Because there was one person who truly cared.
“Fine.” Sasuke spat. “I will talk to them and tell them whatever it is that they need to hear so just get on with it. What are the other conditions of my release? Obviously they intend to keep me on a tight leash.” Sasuke didn’t bother to hide his irritation.
Kakashi was solemn but dutiful in his recitation of the rules, read from a tattered piece of paper which he pulled from his pocket and unfolded with a sigh. Sasuke found it pitiful, and perhaps a bit disgusting.
“Sasuke Uchiha is not permitted to leave Konoha under absolutely any circumstances. He has proven to be a threat not only to shinobi life, but to the alliances of the Leaf. Upon release from prison, he is to be closely supervised, and an emissary affiliated with the hokage’s office will check in with him daily.
“Sasuke Uchiha will be required to meet with the Council of Elders of Konoha on an ongoing basis to ensure that he is indeed proving not to be a threat or disruption to daily life in Konoha. Meetings will persist on the basis that the Elders deem fit for the foreseeable future.
“Finally, Sasuke Uchiha will not be allowed access to Uchiha cultural artifacts and information,”
The tone of Kakashi’s voice changed, he almost sounded like he might throw up just saying the words.
“The cultural practices of the Uchiha clan have proven to be an affront to the affluence and wellbeing of Konoha. As the sole survivor of the clan, Sasuke Uchiha is expected to abandon these harmful practices for the greater good. Sasuke Uchiha is not to enter any historic Uchiha cultural grounds or engage in cultural practices, this is an effort to snuff out the dangerous legacy of the curse of hatred.”
The words were so vile they made Sasuke’s head spin faster than the rasengan forming in Naruto’s right hand as he let out a yell, pummeling a massive crater through the crude brick of the cell wall in a fit of rage.
Sasuke didn’t even react.
“Naruto please control yourself! Now I have to explain to the guards why there’s a giant hole in the wall! Do you think this helps our case with the council?”
“Shut up! Just shut up!!! How could you even say those words?! Have you forgotten Obito already?! Well, Sasuke is right here! What about Sasuke?!”
“They’re not my words, Naruto, I was given very clear instructions to read the rules off as they were written,”
The tremble in Kakashi’s voice was reminiscent of the way he spoke to Sasuke at the five kage summit. Firm, but brimming with pain, with guilt, “it’s disgusting. Sasuke, you have to know I don’t approve of this. Negotiations were stretching on for weeks, for months. I could’ve never gotten you released without this-”
“You’re supposed to be the goddamn hokage.” Naruto’s voice was a guttural growl.
“I am.” His voice was a whisper, a sheepish admission, like he barely believed it, or maybe more like he knew it didn’t mean shit.
“I don’t want to sit in this dried up sewer anymore.” Sasuke didn’t bother to say more, let the words hang heavy in the silence that followed.
Kakashi nodded, brows knit tightly together.
“Let’s go then.”
Sasuke’s attempt to push to a standing position was derailed by the screaming of his muscles, burning sore from disuse. He only made it about halfway up before the tension in his legs dragged him back to a seat. He huffed in embarassed frustration, closed his eyes to take a breath. By the time his eyes were opened Naruto’s arm was outstretched before him, offering assistance.
With a sigh and a pang in his heart he didn’t entirely understand, Sasuke grabbed hold of Naruto’s arm and stood more successfully this time with the added support. As he rose, Naruto slid his free arm under Sasuke’s shoulder, taking on most of Sasuke’s body weight with an apparent effortlessness. Sasuke felt a knot in his stomach.
Relying on Naruto felt….wrong, amazing, too self indulgent, too close, not nearly close enough, and above all else…terrifyingly safe. Terrifying because safety was never something that could be guaranteed or preserved, never a feeling Sasuke should get too attached too. Not unless he wanted to risk crumbling once more when it was finally ripped out like a rug from underneath him.
Sasuke surrendered with a sigh, draping his arm over Naruto’s shoulder so they could walk in this way. His legs seemed to float along with the swimming in his mind as he was dragged through the anachronistic exit door; impenetrably strong metal in contrast to the deceivingly shoddy-looking brick fortress that was the prison.
For the first time in months, sunlight shone on Sasuke’s face, warming his skin like tepid winter waves under the first sunny spring day.
And for the first time in months, he felt relief. Felt he could breathe. Eagerly sucked in air that wasn’t dank and suffocating and stale.
Naruto’s eyes were on him. He flashed a wide smile when Sasuke took note of this and blushed faintly at the meeting of their eyes. Naruto was always looking at him like that. Some things never changed.
But there wasn’t any time to feel sentimental, or soft, or to even allow that relief to fully wash over his body. Sasuke had not forgotten what Kakashi had said; there were two demons waiting to make their deal with him if he wanted to cross the gates out of hell.
And maybe he was sick for it, but the thought of the elders waiting for him in their tower made Sasuke laugh. They were playing a tough hand, but they must have been feeling pretty threatened to pull out all the stops like this. What a shame it would be if they went out in the same way as their precious Danzo, hm?
They’d just have to wait and see just what he would do, just what the cost of all this needlessly spilled blood was. Sasuke didn’t believe in karma. The only God he’d ever known had tried to kill him. And he certainly didn’t believe that time was enough to heal these wounds. He would take matters into his own hands, for real this time.
Lucky for the elders, today that meant he’d play the part. He’d be that perfect victim they’d wanted all along; smiling and complacent. To the best of his ability, that is.
The meeting space where the elders resided felt eerily sterile, like the office of a doctor you knew you couldn’t trust. Sasuke almost didn't notice the two of them sitting still as stone, waiting for him beside each other on the couch that faced the entryway. He steeled his face, denying it the urge to contort in disgust.
“Sasuke Uchiha,” the woman crooned.
Sasuke remembered her name, one of the three he’d sworn to assassinate. Koharu Utatane.
“You brought the kyuubi boy too! I suppose just this once we can allow it, right Homura?”
Sasuke’s upper lip curled upwards in disgust at the way they carelessly dehumanized Naruto right in front of his face, referring to him only as a weapon. The man, Homura Mitokado wordlessly grumbled an agreement to his equally sinister counterpart.
“But I’d like to remind you, Kakashi, we discussed that these meetings would be confidential. The Council of Elders will convene with Sasuke Uchiha in private to ensure the utmost safety of the secrets of the Leaf.”
“Certainly, my presence as the hokage should never be impermissible?”
The silence that followed blew through the dead air of the tower like a chilling breeze.
“Certainly.” Homura finally spoke up. He wasn’t particularly convincing.
Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi took their seats across from the Council.
“Kakashi. Have you decided which of the approved housing locations Sasuke will be staying in?” Homura wasted no time getting to the subject at hand.
“With your permission, Honorable Elders, I’d like to let Sasuke pick from the three options I found most suitable.” Kakashi spoke carefully but with the same lazy cadence Sasuke had always known.
The pair shared a glance, deep in consideration, seemingly communicating with just the eyes. It was several dense moments before Koharu turned her head back to the present members of Team 7.
“So long as they are amongst the approved locations we’ll allow it.”
With an abrupt sharp inhale and a lifted index finger, Koharu paused, as though the thought she said next was just occurring to her,
“Though I must say, I highly recommend Sasuke stay here at Hokage Tower. This could be most….mutually beneficial…”
A chill racked its way harshly up Sasuke’s spine. What? He would prefer nothing less. Why did this conversation feel so…
Staged. Planned.
“Yes!” Homura chimed in, “Perhaps you could follow in your friend’s footsteps and develop an interest in the protection of the Will of Fire.”
That nationalistic bullshit.
“...what are you suggesting?”
“There are many roles beyond the Hokage that are essential to the leaf. Under proper guidance, Tobirama-sensei believed that even an Uchiha–”
Homura was cut short by the firm clap of Koharu’s hand on his shoulder as she spoke over him, “Think about it. There are many ways things can proceed from here.”
Sasuke’s face was like stone but inside he was ablaze. ‘Even an Uchiha’? Nothing had changed.
He turned to face Kakashi, who seemed to be lost in thought somewhere relatively unpleasant from his facial expression. Anyway, Sasuke obviously wasn't staying at Hokage Tower..
“And the other options?” Sasuke pressed.
Kakashi’s ears perked up like a dog.
“Right, so, firstly I want to say I know none of these are ideal. Please do your best to bear with it, Sasuke.”
Sasuke’s lips pressed together, but he nodded. Play the good victim, it’s not forever…
“Okay. Well, the first option is my old place. I’m here at the Hokage Residence for the time being so….you are welcome to use it, of course. It’s small but there’s everything you need.”
No way.
“Or, if you’d rather have some company, you can stay with Naruto…although he has even less space than I do, and you’d be sharing it.”
Sasuke looked at the blond beside him, who was grinning widely with a bashful laugh. Staying with Naruto could be…not so bad. Good, even. In fact, Sasuke couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather stay with.
But,
There were many things Naruto still didn't know about Sasuke. Like the way he crumbled behind closed doors. The way he was ripped out of sleep in the night by his own anguished screams, tormented by nightmares replaying traumatic memories like reels of film. Truthfully, the person Sasuke showed the world was only a fraction of who he really was, who he’d really become. Naruto saw through all that like no one else, but once he saw more would he finally turn on him like everyone else?
Sasuke didn’t want to think like that, but losing Naruto had admittedly become his biggest fear. The weight of such a loss would be too much to bear on its own, and Sasuke had already lost far too much.
Despite the conflict raging in his heart Sasuke managed to pull his lips into a soft smile back at Naruto before turning once more to Kakashi,
“And the third option?”
Kakashi stiffened. The way his one visible eye looked onto Sasuke, sullen but firm, told Sasuke some kind of lecture was likely attached to this option.
“This option…Sasuke let me just say first, I know things have been anything but easy between us but I hope you know how welcome you are at my place. And if not mine, then Naruto’s. There’s no need to exile yourself this way.”
Sasuke’s stomach flipped. Where was this going?
“...The third option is the Uchiha district. It’s been mostly untouched with a few damage repairs and-”
“I’ll stay there.”
Kakashi looked at him a bit like a disappointed parent, but given his lack of ‘fatherly support’ Sasuke found it laughable.
“Please think about this just a little more, Sasuke. Don’t you think it could be painful to be back there all alone everyday, in the place where everything happened…?”
“You mean like I did for years after the massacre?”
Piercing silence rung through the room for a moment,
“Sasuke, it was wrong-”
“Yea, Kakashi, it was wrong. It was wrong that a seven year old was left to raise himself in his family’s grave for four years.”
Kakashi looked sick to his stomach. There was so much more Sasuke wanted to say.
And I would’ve just kept rotting there too, had you all had it your way. Then you’d shape me into a perfect weapon, to be wielded by the very people responsible for the death of my happiness, the death of everything and everyone I knew, the pain I can’t forgive…
He bit his tongue, blinked back rage. By the time Sasuke reopened his eyes his gaze was once more cold and unreadable.
“By now I’m more than used to it. I want to go home.”
The giggle that slipped past Koharu’s lips was unnerving, shrill and smooth all at once, “Let him go back, Kakashi. If that’s what he so desires, perhaps there’s no better place for him.”
For the first time since the meeting began Koharu peered directly into Sasuke’s eyes, her poisonous smile pointed at him like a dagger. He glared back, unyielding, unwavering.
The rest of the encounter passed as a blur; words were exchanged, agreements were made, and before Sasuke knew it, Naruto was lugging him out of Hokage Tower and back out into the sunshine.
Kakashi was relentless.
“Sasuke just listen, don’t do this to yourself again just because I failed you in the past.”
“You failed me?”
“Yes, Sasuke, of course I did, I know that.”
“Not just you, Kakashi. Every adult in Konoha failed me. They failed Naruto, too.”
Sasuke could’ve sworn he felt Naruto siddle closer to him, hold onto him just a little tighter.
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right. That’s why I think it’s best if you don’t stay in the district. You don’t need to be reminded of that pain every single day.”
Blood boiled in Sasuke’s veins as he closed his eyes, his tightly clenched jaw relaxing slowly as he breathed, inhale…2…3…exhale…2…3…4…5…
The truth was, he didn’t want to forget. He didn’t want to wash away every thought of his family, his people, and who he was just because it was painful. In fact, more than anything else, he wanted to remember. He wanted to remember the kind words his mother shared with him while he sat at the kitchen table, and holidays as a family of 4, and afternoons with Itachi and Shisui before everything became…
Different.
“Stop trying to decide for me. You know it never works, Kakashi.”
Keep breathing…contain your anger…you can’t let him think you’re a threat anymore.
Sasuke huffed.
“I just want to live peacefully in my family home.”
Kakashi shrugged his shoulders in surrender, nodded sympathetically.
“Okay. Okay. I don’t want to fight with you, Sasuke. I have to go take care of some paperwork, Naruto, you’ve got it covered from here?”
“You can count on me, Kakai-sensei, I’ll take care of Sasuke.” Naruto boasted with a grin.
Sasuke grumbled quietly to himself. That idiot just loved to have the upperhand, didn’t he? Still, he couldn’t deny the relief he was feeling not having to drag his own fatigued muscles all the way to the otherside of the village. If there was one person he was willing to lean on, it was Naruto.
The air seemed to hang a little lighter in Sasuke’s lungs as Kakashi walked away, leaving the two of them to each other. Just like old times, he could say what was really on his mind now that it was just the two of them.
In fact, he didn’t even have to, because Naruto was saying it first,
“I can’t believe it. I really can’t believe it, Sasuke. The way they had you all tied up like that.” Naruto’s jaw was clenched tightly, his eyes still brimming with tears.
Sasuke sighed. What could he say? He was no longer surprised by the level of mistreatment he faced. But part of him kind of couldn’t believe it either, everything he’d endured…
“They probably consider that humane treatment for an Uchiha.”
Sasuke rotated his wrists as he spoke, waking them back up with the movement, feeling the blood course uninhibited through his veins,
“Anyways, take me home, I’m tired,” Sasuke closed his eyes, hoping the faint heat he felt in his cheeks wasn’t visible.
Just this once, he’d rely on Naruto like this. Sasuke dumped his body weight rudely onto Naruto all at once. He wasn’t used to being seen in such a state, and his ego was handling it with about as much pride as he could muster. Teasing Naruto this way was a good way to even the playing field.
“Hey, you bastard…” Naruto laughed as he struggled to regain his footing and hold Sasuke up at the same time.
Sasuke couldn’t help the way his lips pulled upwards into a smirk, “Didn’t you beat me in the end? If you’re so strong this should be nothing for you, I used to walk this far home from school everyday and I was a child.” he teased.
“Hmf, yeah well you’re forgetting the part where you weren’t carrying a full grown man the whole way…” Naruto grumbled as his arm found its way under Sasuke’s shoulder once more, steadying the both of them.
“Oh? Is it too much trouble? I could hobble home myself, although you did tell Kakashi you’d take care of me. I was always faster than you anyways, I bet even like this-”
“Be quiet, you…”
In an act of defiance Naruto took off running right there, holding Sasuke tightly to his side. Sasuke’s eyes widened in initial shock as he waited for them to come colliding to the ground, but Naruto was surprisingly sturdy and seemed to have no issue bolting down Konoha’s main road while holding him up, legs floating just above the ground. The laughter that bubbled out of Sasuke’s throat was pure, unrestrained.
By the time Naruto slowed to a stop they were both gasping for air, fighting fits of laughter. This feeling…it felt so foreign yet so familiar. Sasuke felt a pang in his chest as he remembered the last time he laughed like this; bloodied, beside Naruto; and the time before that; years ago.
Suddenly the weight of the past clung to Sasuke and weighed him down like an anchor with a chain too short, dragging him deep into the abyss. His body hurt, hurt like the day he woke up in a hospital bed, relieved to find that maybe it had all only been a dream, only to be reminded it wasn’t. The walls of his house covered in blood flashed on the back of his eyelids.
It wouldn’t be like that when they got there. He reminded himself this over and over as he forced his eyes open, fixing them on the ground as he grasped for the present moment.
“You okay?”
Sasuke nodded, not sure who needed more convincing, Naruto or himself.
“I’m fine. Just still hurts more than I thought it would to stand…”
It wasn’t entirely untrue, and Naruto had set him down for the moment.
“Oh! Right right of course, sorry…” Naruto rushed to Sasuke’s side, wrapping his arm around his waist, “It’s easy to forget, I heal so much faster than everyone else y’know, heh heh.”
“Idiot. It’s fine.”
It was apparent from the way Naruto’s brows knit together that something was on his mind.
“What about you? Are you okay? You loser…”
Without fail, Naruto perked up immediately at the sound of the familiar insult-turned-pet-name.
“Ahh, it’s just…it does hurt to see you like this, y’know.”
The words rang so bittersweetly familiar; that moment that he’d clung to and remembered often during his imprisonment when he needed a reason to endure. He could tell that Naruto meant it just as much as he had the first time he’d said it.
“I’m fine, Naruto-”
“No, you’re not, and it’s not okay-”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will be fine but that’s not the point! Look at you, barely walking, this isn’t normal!! Sasuke, they can’t treat you this way!!!”
Sasuke had to turn away. All the emotions he had kept locked inside of him those 6 months were bubbling violently towards the surface, threatening to send the wall he’d built around himself crumbling down.
Rather than give himself away with the tremble in his voice, or the tears in his eyes, Sasuke wordlessly pulled himself closer to Naruto, holding onto him a bit tighter. He didn’t know what to say, and he was worried his face would give away his momentary weakness, so he just kept his head bowed, his face hidden behind the canopy of his thick black hair as they ambled along.
With no further cue Naruto seemed to understand. They carried on their path in silence until something caught Naruto’s eye.
“Oi, Sasuke, shouldn’t we go in there?”
Sasuke looked up and followed Naruto’s gaze to a small grocery store. He didn’t recognize it; as a child he’d always tended to go to the market in the Uchiha district, and he couldn’t remember if he’d seen this one before. He was tired but…he was hungry. Obviously there would be no usable food in the house.
“I suppose we’d better.”
The store was bigger on the inside, still brightly lit as the evening fell over the storefront.
“I’m out for one night and you already manage to scam a free meal out of me…”
“Hm? Are you crazy?! No way you’re doing the cooking in that condition!” Naruto snickered smugly.
“I haven’t had a real meal in months, I’m not eating instant ramen.” Sasuke teased as he reached for an item on the top shelf — a decision he would instantly regret as his body rejected the motion, protesting in pain as he attempted to reach beyond his capacity.
“You are so stubborn, y’know! Obviously you can’t cook when you're like this, Sasuke, you idiot,” The way Naruto dragged the word out was so familiar and oddly endearing, “I’ve been fending for myself this whole time y’know, by now I think I should know how to make something other than ramen!!” Naruto pouted, feigning offense as he teased Sasuke.
“R-right…” Sasuke collected himself, taking deep breaths to make the pain subside faster. He couldn’t quite place the emotion that came up at the thought of Naruto cooking for him but it felt like something he had to protect, something delicate but dangerous.
“I make a pretty good curry actually hehe~ Would you eat it if I made it??”
It was hard to deny this face beaming so brightly in front of him. He had to turn away again.
“…I guess even you can be trusted to throw ingredients in a pot, yes, I’ll eat it.”
The laughter and smile he was rewarded with was worth any indigestion that may follow as a result of whatever Naruto was like in the kitchen.
Ingredients were collected, and after a chaotic blur of Naruto running back and forth, checking and rechecking aisles for items he forgot, they eventually made their way to the checkout. Sasuke watched on with aloof fondness as Naruto effortlessly small-talked with the older woman working the register.
By the time they exited the store, night had fallen completely over Konoha, only the streetlights marking their path, still a few twists and turns away from the district.
“Y’know Sasuke…it is pretty dark out.”
“Yeah, well, it’s night time…”
“I mean, no ones even really out except us anyway…”
What was he getting at?
“…and?”
“I’m just saying you’re already having so much trouble walking. It would be wayyyyy easier if I just carried you, y’know! No one would see us anyways…”
Sasuke almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but if anyone was going to make such a ridiculous suggestion, it would be this knucklehead.
“No way. We’re almost there, just be patient.”
“Pfffft, we are not almost there, barely even half way. Hey wait!! Can’t you at least teleport us with your rinnegan or something?”
“No, my chakra is still depleted from the chains they had on me,” Sasuke sighed in defeat. Naruto unfortunately may have had a point.
“Fine. You can carry me the rest of the way there, BUT, no one hears a word of this, you understand?”
Without another word Naruto scooped Sasuke up bridal style, “Just like a princess, heh heh~”
Sasuke smacked his hand over his eyes, “You’re an embarrassment. Just take me home.”
The rest of their walk was mostly quiet. Naruto pretended not to enjoy having Sasuke in his arms too much while Sasuke pretended not to steal glances at Naruto’s jawline the whole way home. Anyways, it was only more efficient to do it this way. Years of training made carrying Sasuke along with the groceries an easy feat for Naruto.
Naruto had the right idea after all; in just a few minutes time they were on the front doorstep. Naruto set Sasuke down, and Sasuke stepped forward to confront the precipice, his hand resting hesitantly on the door.
Come on. Whatever’s waiting past that door can’t possibly be worse than on that day. Move.
When Sasuke finally pushed through the door, it dawned on him that he wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting.
It was just his house. Same as it always was, familiar as though he’d never left the village in the first place, hadn’t spent years away.
Okay, there was something a little eerie about the way the house stood seemingly completely unchanged by time. But it felt surprisingly natural to be back home.
Naruto walked in ahead as Sasuke took in the familiar surroundings and found the kitchen, setting down the grocery bags on the counter.
“I can't believe I’ve never been here before, y’know!” He called from the other room. Sasuke followed Naruto’s voice into the kitchen.
Sasuke braced himself before opening the fridge, unsure what rotting monstrosities may be waiting for him inside, but when he swung the door open he was shocked to see nothing but plain white shelves, clean and empty.
Had someone been in the house? He couldn’t remember every detail of how he left it, but he was certain there hadn’t been absolutely nothing in the fridge. Somebody had to have been here, or multiple somebodies.
“You sure you’re okay, Sasuke?”
“What? I’m fine…I was just thinking how badly I need to shower.”
No point in raising the alarm before he knew something was wrong. Somebody could’ve cleaned it in preparation for his potential arrival, Kakashi did say some minor repairs were made.
“Right, right, of course! Well go ahead, don't worry about me! I’ll just start making dinner, as long as you don’t mind me going through your kitchen, heh.”
“Hn. Try not to burn the house down while I’m gone.”
“Sasuke, this shit is gonna be so good you’re gonna wish I burned the house down to save you the embarrassment.” Naruto crossed his arms and tilted his chin up indignantly.
That moron always had a way of making Sasuke laugh. He allowed him a small chuckle and a playful roll of the eyes before making his way up the stairs. Oddly it was easier to climb them than to walk on level ground, probably because Sasuke's legs had been bound in a bent position.
Sasuke stepped into the shower and turned the water on without waiting for it to heat up, like he often had after a rigorous training or particularly grueling battle. He exhaled relief as the water came down on him, and quickly set to scrubbing every trace of the cave cell from his body. A million thoughts filled his head all at once.
There was one thing in particular that he just couldn’t quite understand. It was Homura’s suggestion that he ‘take an interest in the Leaf’, obviously a euphemism for getting involved with the Konoha government. The ‘even an Uchiha’ comment was what had stood out to him in the moment, but in retrospect the rest of the statement was even stranger to Sasuke. Why would they want ‘even an Uchiha’ involved in their system in the first place?
On the way out of the store with Naruto, Sasuke had grabbed some last minute things for his shower. Wanting to rush home, he’d quickly swiped the only bottle off the shelf that looked vaguely familiar without putting much thought into it. Holding the bottle in his hand now, he realized why he’d recognized it. This was the same shampoo his mom used to use.
With a stifled cry Sasuke sunk to the floor of the shower, no longer able to hold himself up through the pain. He had already been through way too much, but it wasn’t over yet. A few bitter tears finally escaped his eyes.. His heart hurt, his body hurt. He missed his mom, missed her warmth. The way her hair smelled when she hugged him. He opened the shampoo bottle…yeah, that was it alright. Sasuke’s sigh held the weight of the world. He could’ve cried more but felt he might not have been able to stop if he started and stopped himself, Naruto had already gotten him in enough compromising positions for the day.
As he washed his hair with a sullen, half-dissociated gaze fixated on the shower drain, it dawned on him. Obviously his mom wasn’t here anymore. None of the Uchiha were except him, so really…
There was no restoring the clan. There would never be another full blood Uchiha ever again. And even if there were, the Elders wouldn’t permit them to practice their own customs. They had already succeeded, and the only one alive to tell the tale of their people firsthand was him. This attempt to get him on their side?
It was just the final act of genocide.
With the last survivor amongst their own ranks and down in the history books as one of their own, the Council could easily write off the reality of their own personal guilt. The people of Konoha still didn’t know the truth about the Uchiha Massacre. Sasuke was certain if he were to ally with Konoha, they never would.
“Tch…”
He pushed to a stand angrily, raking water impatiently through his hair and turning the shower off. He dried and dressed in somewhat of a frenzy, barely so much as glancing in the mirror, not desiring to see the faces of family members he’d never see again in his own reflection.
By the time he made it to the kitchen, Naruto was dividing servings into two bowls.
“Eh? Oh, Sasuke! Perfect timing!! I just finished. Try it, try it!”
Sasuke raised his eyebrows as a bowl was shoved into his hand.
“Alright, alright, let me sit down first.”
Naruto took his seat opposite him at the kitchen table with his own bowl. Rather than begin digging in, he sat upright, smile bright as ever, waiting to gauge Sasuke’s reaction.
Skepticism apparent on his face, Sasuke poked around a bit with his spoon before scooping up a small heap of curry and rice and lifting it to his mouth. He blinked in surprise. The taste was surprising, flavorful. The rice was a bit overcooked but all in all it was good.
“I don’t know how you pulled it off, but I like it.”
“HA! See Sasuke! I told you! I told you it was good.”
“Great job, loser, you finally learned how to feed yourself. Today is a proud day.”
“Hmmmm, you just can’t let me have this can you?”
“No, no, really, it’s good.” Sasuke meant to smile up at Naruto, but it may have looked more like a brief twitch in the corner of his mouth.
“Y’know Sasuke…I’ll really never forgive them for keeping you all locked up like that.”
Sasuke looked up from his meal to see Naruto staring wide eyed into his own bowl, clearly reeling just from the memory. Sasuke lowered his spoon but waited for Naruto to say more.
“They can’t get away with something like that. They just can’t. It’s too cruel.”
Sasuke squinted. “You know these are the people you’re going to work with, right? This is the Konoha you so desperately want to take the throne for.”
What was he saying? He had come to hate the idea of Naruto working for Konoha, but it was his lifelong dream after all…would this push him away?
If it did then fine. Maybe it was better that way anyway, Sasuke could go back to working alone, taking no one else down with him, answering only to himself. Naruto hadn’t exactly been easy to shake in the past, but maybe it would be different now that he had the chance to know him more, now that he had a chance to see all the ways Sasuke’s scars made him exactly who he was. In truth, the thought of losing Naruto sickened Sasuke so much he was finding it a bit hard to get the rest of his food down, but he endured for the sake of Naruto’s ego, and for the sake of his own revitilization.
“Well, it’s not a throne, y’know. Old-man-third-hokage said all the people of Konoha are like the hokage’s children.”
“And you really believe that?
The fire in Sasuke’s voice made Naruto pause for a moment.
“What?”
“You believe that? You think the third hokage saw you as one of his children? The man who left you to raise yourself unattended, harassed and rejected everywhere by hoards of angry villagers?”
Naruto went quiet.
“It’s all bullshit, Naruto. Bullshit brainwashing to get you to fight for a village that wouldn’t and didn’t do shit for you.”
“But y’know Sasuke, y’know! I felt the same before you and Iruka-sensei–”
“So you owe it to me and Iruka-sensei, not Konoha.”
Silence followed once more. Naruto looked down in thought, seemingly swimming along with the broth he stared down into.
“You’re right. That’s why…that’s why I’ll never let something happen like this again, Sasuke. Never as long as I live, I promise. Hey! I always promised I'd bring you back and I pulled that off, didn’t I?!”
“...I’m not sure I should’ve come back here, Naruto.”
Naruto’s spoon dropped into his empty bowl with a ‘clink’.
“This is my fault. If I hadn’t fought so hard to bring you back here you wouldn’t have had to go through this.”
“Idiot. That’s not it at all. It’s way more complicated than that,” Sasuke heaved a heavy sigh, “Forget I said that. It’s fine. Good, really. There’s important work to be done in Konoha.”
The glimmer in Naruto’s eyes almost had Sasuke convinced Naruto knew what he meant, but his hokage dreams suggested otherwise.
“Anyways, I know it’s not that late, but it’s been a long…6 months. To say the least. Sorry but I’m already exhausted.”
“I can only imagine. Don’t apologize Sasuke, you can sleep if you need to.”
“Right, so, I’ll walk you out.”
“Huh?”
“What?”
“Sasuke, didn’t you hear the Elders…? I have to stay with you all night tonight.”
Sasuke blinked. He couldn’t have heard that right.
“Excuse me? When did they say that?”
“Whaddya mean when did they say that?! Only about a hundred times at the end of the meeting! They’re afraid you’ll defect again! Weren’t you paying attention?”
Truthfully he hadn’t been. Sasuke remembered getting angry with Kakashi, angrier with the Elders, and spinning out to some distant memory he didn’t care to recall the details of.
Anger bubbled deep in the pit of Sasuke’s stomach. The Council was so overbearing. He had half a mind to go pick a fight over at Hokage Tower right then and there but…how entirely unnecessary it would be to ruin all his plans over a sleepover with Naruto.
Sasuke closed his eyes and groaned in annoyance.
“I must’ve missed that part.”
“But hey, hey! You won’t even know I’m here, y’know! Just put me in somebody else’s room, I won’t bug ya.”
“Ugh…” Sasuke rubbed the bridge of his nose, “I knew I’d have to explain this one day.”
“Explain what?”
“Just come here. It’s easier if I show you.”
Sasuke led Naruto up the stairs to his childhood bedroom. He felt his heart thumping lightly in his throat as they walked; somehow this felt a bit too private, too personal. But he felt possessed by a need to be understood by the only person who’d ever seemed capable of understanding him.
He opened the door, revealing a mostly typical child’s bedroom; a desk, some bookcases, a TV on its stand…and singed black rings of ash on the floor and the wall, outlining where the bed used to be.
“You burned it down Sasuke?”
Sasuke snorted at Naruto’s complete absence of tact, half smug and half embarrassed, “Yeah.”
The air hung uncomfortably silent for a moment. Just showing Naruto this was a lot. Telling him why he did it seemed suddenly unthinkable, but this wasn’t exactly the sort of thing you could show someone without an explanation.
“Actually, I burnt Itachi’s first. We used to push our futons together and sleep in the living room sometimes. I was so mad…just throwing them away wasn’t enough. I needed to destroy them, so I threw the futons on top of his mattress and watched it all burn up.”
Sasuke gulped, remembering the visceral rage he felt that day. He didn’t mention that it had been his mom’s birthday. It wasn’t necessary.
“Anyways after that I still felt angry so I burnt mine too. I wanted to, um, feel closer to my parents anyway. Their room became my room.”
His face was still as stone on the outside, but inside Sasuke was beginning to panic. Why did he tell him all that?
The sound of Naruto’s laughter caught his attention and drew him out of his mind.
“You really fireball-jutsu’d your fucking bed, huh Sasuke?”
The blond was crouched beside the singe mark in the floor, dragging his finger across the ash. Sasuke paced closer.
“Shut the fuck up. Yes.”
Naruto’s ridiculous giggling got louder.
“But I totally get it, y’know.”
“...how so?”
“Well, it’s not exactly the same, but what you said kinda reminded me of how I felt when I would vandalize Hokage Mountain,” Naruto laughed through his grin at the memory of his mischief, “I was so angry at everyone, just being mad about it wasn’t enough. I had to do something about it. I had to show it. This is kinda like that, right?”
Sasuke breathed out a small laugh, his lips turning ever so slightly upwards into a smile.
“Yeah, this is like that.”
Sure enough they were the same.
“Anyways, since you’re my guest you can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“What? Sasuke, are you crazy?! No way you’re sleeping on the couch, your body needs to recover. I’ll take the couch.”
“You won’t fit on the couch.”
“Is it really that small?”
“Yes.”
“So then, how will you fit on the couch?”
Sasuke sighed in defeat, “I guess it’s…not so bad if we just share the bed. It’s big enough anyway…”
Naruto’s face was too serious for the matter at hand, “Yeah. Yeah! It’s not so bad! We’ll have plenty of space this way!!”
“...right. Well I’m going to bed. I don’t know if you, um–”
“Y-Yeah!”
“Yeah?” Had Naruto understood him? He hadn’t exactly gotten the question out right.
“I mean, yeah I’ll come with you.”
So he had. Sasuke nodded and turned out into the hall and walked, Naruto in tow, towards the only usable bedroom. With the long walk home now behind him, he found that walking these short distances through the house seemed to be helping his muscles regain their full mobility. Still, he ached for sleep.
The only thing unfamiliar about the bedroom was how cold it was. When the place had been more lived in, the master bedroom was always the warmest room in the house. A stale sadness hung in the air. Sasuke wondered if Naruto could feel it too, or if it was just his memories.
“Um, sorry, I’d give you something to wear but all my clothes here are too small…”
Naruto waved his hands in protest.
“‘S fine, don’t even worry ‘bout it.”
He shrugged off that ridiculous orange jacket and tossed it carelessly on the floor, plopping inharmoniously onto the queen mattress without waiting for any invitation.
Typical.
Sasuke climbed into bed beside him, breathing a sigh of relief as his head hit the pillow. His eyes were already closed.
“Y’know, I’m really glad you’re okay Sasuke.”
He fluttered his eyelids open and found himself eye to eye with Naruto. Heat rose in his cheeks and the blond smiled in response. Sasuke made a soft fist and bopped Naruto playfully on the head.
“Of course I’m okay.”
Was he okay?
“Hmf.”
This time Naruto’s fist collided with the top of Sasuke’s head. It just so happened that his hand fell particularly close to where Sasuke’s hand was resting, and it just so happened that Sasuke’s fingers twitched closer until their skin made contact.
“You know Sasuke, I think you’re right.” Naruto squeezed out through a yawn, his eyelids pulling shut of their own accord.
“What do you mean? About what?”
Naruto yawned again.
“Dunno. Everything. You see things I don’t see.”
Sasuke’s heart leapt.
“You really think I’m right?”
Several moments of silence were followed by the sound of Naruto snoring, softly at first, but crescendoing louder and louder. Sasuke breathed an exasperated but fond laugh, inched his hand on top of Naruto’s, and drifted off to sleep. For the first time in years, Sasuke slept through the night without waking.