Chapter Text
Reality Check
Chapter One
“Ummm, Rich?” Matt Cohen had been watching the final J2 panel of the day in New Jersey like he almost always did when it suddenly hit him what he was seeing and decided he needed a second opinion. “Rich? Someone just asked Jared how he kissed Gen since he was so tall and she’s so much shorter than he is.”
Richard Speight, Jr. had been snarling at the man who played Castiel after a couple of his more determined fans tried to cause a scene during the morning J2 panel. He was just in the process of poking him in the chest when he heard that and felt like groaning. “Why can’t these people just ask harmless little questions?” he asked no one in particular while vowing he’d pound his head in later. “Okay, so someone asked a too personal question again. Is Jensen snarling or why do you sound like this is something bad?”
“What the bloody hell is Moose doing kissing Squirrel?”
Mark Sheppard’s voice shouted from somewhere and Richard knew his day had just gone south as he forgot a wide eyed Misha Collins in his haste to bolt back to the rear of the stage to look out and groan while just knowing this was going to end up being bad.
It had all started out so innocently. In fact if anyone had asked either Jared Padalecki or Jensen Ackles what the hell happened that Sunday in New Jersey at the afternoon panel neither man would really have an answer because it had all happened so quickly and so damn innocently.
Conventions on the East Coast were always more difficult since the travel time from Vancouver to the state of New Jersey was longer than if the convention was on the West Coast or more in the middle of the country. This trip in to New Jersey had been worse because there’d been rough weather and then a traffic back-up on the highway leading from the airport.
The two stars of Supernatural had gotten to the convention barely in time to shake hands with anyone or grab coffee before doing their morning panel.
The rush as well as the bad weather had already tensed Jensen out while Jared still looked a little pale from the flight. They’d managed to mostly get through the special Gold panel with only one small issue that had nearly set off Jensen’s already tight nerves but as always when any of Misha’s fans decided to try to throw up a shipping question the younger man was able to defuse Jensen’s growling response with a tense joke or two until the moment passed.
Now they were doing their afternoon panel after managing to grab food, sign autographs and do some of their photo ops. The afternoon panel was usually more laid back because by them they’d been at the con a while to get a feel for it, the crowd and how things were so Jared wasn’t too worried.
He and Jensen were relaxed, happy, and just playing around on stage while answering some questions, avoiding any that were too personal or might come close to being a lead-in to one of those that everyone tried to keep Jensen away from.
Jared had been playing Sam Winchester for nearly 10 years and he still enjoyed the part as well as acting with the man who played Sam’s older brother.
He and Jensen had been more than co-stars since pretty much that first week of filming. They were best friends and as close as brothers. Of course a piece of Jared had other feelings for his co-star that he was very careful to keep locked away because not only did they confuse him but he knew if Jensen ever learned of them that he’d lose his best friend.
Because not all of their fans had accepted either of the marriages well, especially Jensen’s it seemed, they tried to keep any questions away from their actual families but since Jared had met his wife on the set of Supernatural and that one scene between him and Gen was still a topic of questions sometimes it happened.
Somehow they’d gotten to talking about the height difference between them and their various guest stars and given that Jared was 6’4” and Genevieve Cortese-Padalecki was 5’4”, a good foot shorter, someone in the audience thought it cute to ask him how he kissed Gen or vice versa given their height difference and if they kissed at home like they did that time on screen.
“Uhh, no. We don’t actually kiss like we did in that scene.” Jared wondered if he was blushing as much as he thought he felt like doing. “We…ummm…we kiss like any other couple…a little help here, Ackles?” he shot a smirking Jensen a not so faked look of panic in the hopes that Jensen might change the topic of something.
“Oh no, I’m with them for once. I’d like to know how you and Gen kiss too.” Jensen wasn’t sure what the hell possessed him to say that. Normally he’d be the first one to try to change the topic if one of them got hit with a side-ball question but this time he didn’t.
Maybe it was because he was still tired from too long filming, too long a flight in rough weather, too little coffee and that damn scene on the fourth season still irked him for some reason he could name but refused to. He caught Jared’s look of surprise and also a little confusion but before Jensen could go ahead and try to get them onto more solid ground he began to hear some of the suggestions shouted from the audience and saw Jared’s cheeks got even redder.
Jensen smirked at the suggestions that Jared demonstrate his kissing technique and while that was a cute suggestion and he found it adorable to see his best friend blush up to his beanie when the offers started coming in to volunteer to take Gen’s place it became less cute.
Jared was trying every way possible to get off of this topic without hurting anyone’s feelings when he suddenly caught Jensen’s eye and saw his friend’s lips curve before sliding off his stool to stand up.
“Okay, okay, simmer down.” Jensen knew their fans might be loyal but they were also obsessive at times and knew if they didn’t nip this little matter in the bud right then that it would keep coming up and while he also knew Felicia was backstage somewhere to do a pretend kiss with his now furiously blushing co-star he made no move to call her out. “Show ‘em how you kiss Gen.”
“Huh?” Jared was sure his ears were clogged with all the noise from the room because he was almost positive he could not have just heard Jensen suggest that. “Ummm, okay…but we seem to be lacking someone for me to kiss,” he cringed even as he said that since it just restarted the shouts of offers from the audience when again he saw the slow smirk Jensen had that never failed to distract Jared at times when he couldn’t afford to be distracted.
Jensen’s brain was shouting at him to regain control of whatever the hell was making him think this was a good idea but for some reason the older actor ignored that little voice to move the stools out of the way. “You’re an actor, I’m an actor…so just pretend I’m a girl and show these nice people how you kiss Gen after you’ve been away from home for long periods of time,” he said while catching and holding Jared’s eyes to see a hint of panic but there was also something there that Jensen couldn’t identify as it was quickly gone behind the increased look of panic. “You know, one of those sweep her off her feet types of kisses.”
Jared knew what Jensen was doing. He knew he was offering him a way out of possibly having this brought back up at another convention but he also knew what his friend was suggesting might not be a good plan. Then as Jared told himself to settle down to just do it since there was no way he’d kiss Felicia; Gen would kill him.
“You’re taller than Gen,” he tried to point out only to laugh when his 6’1” co-star bent his knees a little to take his height down a bit more. “Fine but if this lands me on the sofa once this hits Twitter you’re explaining it to Gen.”
“You kissing the little redhead backstage would land you on the sofa. You smacking lips with your co-star will just land us both in Jeremy’s office come Monday.” Jensen shot back with a laugh as he tried to get Jared to relax a little while also ignoring the little nagging voice in the back of his head that tried to warn him to back off this idea. “Think of it as a scene. You come in the door after filming in Vancouver for a month, see Gen and what do you do?”
Jared wasn’t about to tell Jensen yet much less the overly expectant audience that he’d never actually scooped his wife up off her feet since their posed for their engagement shots but since he thought he knew what Jensen meant he blew out a nervous breath, willed his hands to not shake as he reached out to follow instructions that should have had him laughing.
He was amused and it was hard not to laugh as Jensen tried his best to put him at ease by trying to pretend to be a little more Gen-like. Jared suddenly had every corny old movie flash through his head so he decided to grab Jensen and with a flourish that Jared thought his Texas ancestors would approve of, dipped him back so Jared was leaning over his friend and Jensen’s one hand had to reach up to catch a shoulder to try to keep his balance.
“Show off,” he muttered softly while looking up into Jared’s eyes before quirking his lips up. “So you’re more a dip’em style of kisser over the sweep the girl off her feet. Okay, I can see that…now kiss me, hot stuff.”
Neither man knew how the moment went from harmless kidding and teasing to something more. All Jared knew was the daring tone in Jensen’s voice pushed him to actually complete the act when he had been going to stop right there or maybe just do a quick brush of his lips on Jensen’s cheek where now that he was this close Jared could see the array of freckles littering them.
Even as he felt his mind changing, he still only planned for a quick fast playful kiss. That was all Jared planned…right up until his lips touched Jensen’s and then he wasn’t sure what the hell happened as he lost himself in the softness of plush lips and the feel and taste of them.
The moment seemed to freeze. One minute Jensen was teasing Jared, almost daring him to kiss him and the next thing the man knew was what had been meant as a teasing, playful kiss just to amuse the fans suddenly had Jensen’s blood heating, his head spinning and a part of his body starting to react that he damn well knew couldn’t in the middle of a goddamn convention.
“Okay! Well, I think now that our boys have done their Gone with the Wind imitation that it’s time for them to head to a cold shower and fix up that make-up for more photo-ops!” Richard’s voice suddenly boomed as the man burst thru the curtain as if he’d ran up the backstage steps to get onto the stage even as a loud voice clearing cough was heard from the side of the stage where a clearly stunned Rob Benedict stood with his equally wide-eyed band. “Say bye-bye to the overly inquisitive fans for now guys!”
It took another cough and Richard’s hand hitting his shoulder to make Jared’s brains kick back in to realize he was just standing on the stage motionless while staring at his oddly quiet co-star. The moment that kicked in he was quickly moving to pull Jensen up, letting him go and would’ve tried to put a good foot or six between them if Richard wasn’t suddenly and annoyingly in his way, blocking his escape even as he swore his face was getting red as he thought of what that must look like to their fans much less Jensen who was just staring at him now.
“And…and that’s how Jared greets his wife after being in Vancouver for a month filming with my sorry ass.” Jensen suddenly addressed the laughing and amused audience with a dry chuckle as if he were laughing off the kiss or the sudden tension even as he avoided Jared’s eyes while agreeing with Richard’s not so subtle hint that they needed off that stage ASAP. “And yes, feel free to rat me out to my wife that you have pics of me kissing someone with hair almost as long as hers,” he added to the crowd with a teasing wink as he quickly followed an oddly quiet Jared thru the curtain and backstage where Jensen hoped to catch his breath and rethink what the hell had just happened much less what the hell he needed to do about it or if he should do anything about it.
Jensen had not been expecting what happened. He’d known Jared was nervous. He’d known he shouldn’t have dared his friend and should’ve gotten the topic changed so he was inwardly kicking himself…until Jared’s lips touched his and he would never secretly admit to seeing those fabled fireworks.
Now as he got backstage he didn’t have a chance to pull Jared aside for a quiet word or to see if his co-star was okay or anything as they were both hustled back into photo ops and whatever convention duties they were still required to do.
Normally when doing photo ops, either together or solo, they were focused on that moment. Jensen tried and he did make sure his focus was on the fans but during their duo op this time he thought he kept noticing Jared’s eyes sliding to him whenever there was a rare lull or Chris, the photographer, had to do something with the camera but he didn’t have time to do anything about it right then.
As it turned out, Jensen didn’t find time to address the situation until it was nearly time to leave for the airport and that was only because he’d noticed that Jared seemed to now be avoiding looking at him all together.
“You broke Moose! Fix him before I go all Crowley on your ass!” Mark Sheppard’s sudden finger to the chest took Jensen by surprise and then his eyes were narrowing dangerously.
“I did not break Jared.” Jensen shot back but as he thought back to that sudden kiss, the kiss that he suddenly couldn’t get out of his head or the images that came with it, he actually wasn’t so sure of that statement. “Look, it wasn’t anything but something to play with the crowd or stop them from hassling him at another convention. We’re fine. Jared’s just tired and not looking forward to another bumpy plane trip home.”
“Oh really? Moose is fine?” Mark’s eyebrows shot up as he rocked back on his heels to stare at one of the co-leads of Supernatural like he’d grown a second head. “If he’s so fine then why did he just come close to punching the angel playing moron when he teased him about getting to do what so many Destiel fans want to see him do and…there’s the Squirrel I know.”
Jensen’s already narrowed eyes now went to slits and he was shoving Mark aside to stalk down the hallway toward the Green Room but paused just long enough to give a sheepish Misha a growling warning that he’d better never hear him say that crap either to Jared or to the fans unless he wanted his fist in his throat.
“I was playing with the kid, Jensen!” Misha argued but took a step back out of self-preservation. “I mean, it’s true and if I’d have ever pulled a stunt like that on the stage with him you’d…”
“I’d kick your ass all over the goddamn place.” Jensen saw red at even the teasing hint of ever seeing that happen. “Jared’s off limits to your damn con pranks. Jared’s off limits period. Jared’s…” he barely managed to bite off what was on the tip of his tongue before it was out and just shoved open the door to the Green Room with a muttered curse about shiny blades and Holy Oil once he was back in Vancouver.
Jensen leaned against the door to try to settle himself down some as he looked around the room to see Jared sitting on the sofa nervously twisting the beanie that Jensen really did wish he could make disappear sometimes.
“Jared?” he felt something knot in his chest when wide, nervous hazel eyes shot up a second before his obviously on edge co-star shot to his feet.
In the years they’d filmed together there had only been one time that Jared had ever been this nervous or on edge around him and that had been right after they had their one and only serious, come to blows, fight on set right after they’d begun to film.
Jensen had waited to cool off before going in search of Jared because he knew to make the show work they needed to be on the same page. He’d seen the same nervous fear on a younger Jared because he hadn’t learned to read Jensen yet and hadn’t been sure what to expect from now. Now he saw the same fear and Jensen knew that had to be fixed before they even left New Jersey.
“Hey,” he greeted quietly, taking a step only to stop the second Jared moved back. “Huh. Okay, so maybe Mark was right and I broke you. Jared, I’m sorry if I let that go too far out there. It was wrong of me to tease you or dare you like I did. I’m…I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking or why I did it and…I’m sorry.”
“Sorry it happened or sorry it sucked?” Jared asked quietly, awkwardly letting the toe of his shoe rub over the carpeting in the room as he kept his eyes down instead of looking at Jensen.
From the moment he’d been snapped back to his senses by Richard to realize what he’d done or what they’d done, all Jared could think about was the feel of Jensen’s lips on his. Even if it hadn’t been more than a playful teasing kiss just the feel of Jensen in his arms, the feel of his lips rocked Jared in a way he knew wasn’t right.
All through the photo ops he’d chastised himself for getting so distracted that all he could think of as they did their duo ops was the texture, the feel, the taste of the man he’d played opposite with, the man he considered his best friend, his brother and who he definitely knew now he could fall for.
That thought alone scared Jared because he knew he couldn’t let Jensen find that out. He couldn’t let Jensen know he might have feelings outside friendship because that would be too weird. Jared knew he had to find a way to get them back to normal since clearly the kiss had not affected Jensen because he’d heard the man laugh it off so it was definitely Jared’s brain wired wrong if he was now fantasizing about what it be like if…
“Huh?” he blinked when fingers suddenly snapped in front of his face and he realized he’d been daydreaming. Jared also realized Jensen had gotten closer and one look told him his friend was angry. “Jensen…I’m sorry. I…”
“What the hell did that mean?” Jensen wondered if it was something Jersey put in their water that was making him act like this.
He knew he should be trying to sweep it under the rug before Jared got the hint that he was thinking too much about their play kiss and how much he wanted to give it another go but this time make it not so play. Jensen knew he should be doing that but at first Jared’s nervousness, how he seemed to be avoiding his eyes, how he almost seemed to be expecting Jensen to be angry with him had concerned the other actor.
Then when Jared spoke he felt a spark of temper except Jensen wasn’t sure what made him angry: Jared asking if he was the one sorry it happened or that Jared actually thought the kiss sucked.
“I…forget it, Jen. I’m just tired and…whoa!” Jared had to put space between them before he let his damn suddenly over active imagination make him do something that would ruin not only his friendship but the show. He’d started to step back and reach for his single bag when suddenly he felt his shoulder caught and then he was on the sofa with an intense Jensen in his face. “Jensen…”
“What did that mean?” Jensen asked again, pressing his hand flat against Jared’s chest and could feel the way his heart was beating under his fingers. “Damn it, Jared. Answer me or else we’re missing our flight because we’re not leaving this room until you do.”
Jared blew out a breath in frustration. He couldn’t answer and he wasn’t sure why Jensen wasn’t letting this go. “Look, I’m tired. You’re tired. We were both acting…silly out there and…things went…too far so if you’re not angry with me for…”
“I teased you. Why would I be angry with you for doing what I basically told you to?” Jensen saw a flash of nerves while also noticing the way Jared’s fingers were digging into his leg as he leaned over him on the sofa. “I thought you’d be mad at me for pushing you into that kiss to begin with,” he said and nearly groaned when Jared bit his bottom lip like he’d always done with nervous or scared; a habit that had caused Jensen more restless nights in 10 years than he ever wanted to admit. “I knew you’d never kissed a guy before so I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
“I think I drunk kissed a guy while filming House of Wax but that was Paris’s fault so…wait…have you ever kissed a guy before?” Jared was fighting the very real need to touch Jensen as he felt the solid pressure of his hand on his chest when something in Jensen’s phrasing of that sentence made his already whirling brain turn even more.
“I hate the girl and that did not make me like her anymore.” Jensen muttered and then wondered how to answer the other question. “Yeah, I have,” he was now positive it was the water because that was an admission he’d never made before and hoped he hadn’t just screwed up when he watched wide eyes nearly pop out. “Was it…just acting silly to you, Jay?”
“You laughed it off first so I thought you thought it was and…God, I need to shut up before you think I’m creepy or something.” Jared muttered and tried to move, to get up only to blink when he wasn’t just pushed back onto the sofa but his breath caught in his throat when Jensen suddenly straddled him. “Jen…”
Jensen gave up common sense right then as he let himself straddle Jared’s lap on the sofa both to keep him from moving and because he suddenly wanted to see what would happen if he did. If Jared had freaked out or told him to move then he would’ve and worked to level off what was clearly a very confusing event for both of them.
He’d been expecting Jared to push him away or tell him to move or something. When that didn’t happen, when all Jared did was sit perfectly still as if scared to move several scenarios ran through Jensen’s mind to explain it but then he caught a flash of darkening hazel eyes before lashes tried to cover them and felt the knot that had been in his belly at the fear that he’d messed up their friendship starting to loosen.
“I laughed it off to the fans and so Richard didn’t have a heart attack out there. That did not mean I laughed it off for you or that I thought it was anything silly.” Jensen remarked slowly, using his free hand to lift a lowered chin up so their eyes could meet. “Did you?”
“I…” Jared shut his mouth because he was not about to answer that. “What guy have you kissed and when?” he suddenly asked but not sure if that was any safer a topic since the fact that Jensen might’ve kissed a guy before meant…nope, not safer ground because now Jared wasn’t sure if he was curious or jealous.
“Back when I was on Days and…a couple times since.” Jensen replied while swearing he almost saw a flash of jealousy reflected on Jared’s face but it was gone as fast as it had come so he wasn’t sure. “I guess now would be a good time to mention despite filming with you for going on 10 years, being married to a girl who was always more friend than girlfriend that…I haven’t been exactly straight since my time on Days?”
Up until that moment Jared was certain nothing more could shock him. He’d already been shocked that day by discovering all those damn whispers and rumors going around on set by various females who shared screen time or kisses with his friend were true and he had more than a mild curiosity about what it would be like to be kissed by Jensen if he meant it. Now Jared was certain his mind was blown because that had been the last possible thing he’d expected Jensen to say to him.
“You’re not…you…but…” he had to stop, rethink what he knew, push down the really strong urge to either throttle Jensen or kiss him again and try to get actual words to come out of his mouth when his damn best friend decided to play dirty when he leaned close enough to let their chests touch while sliding his hands up to Jared’s shaking shoulders. “You’ve kissed a guy.”
“Yeah,” Jensen’s lips curved into a slow smile while he watched Jared’s face and saw confusion there but not the disgust he feared he might. “Been a while but I have. I never told you because I didn’t want you to freak out like some people have if they found out and since we shared and still share a place I didn’t want you to be worried I’d jump you coming out of the shower.”
That thought actually had never crossed Jared’s mind…until right then. Then he frowned because something was bothering him. “Did you ever want to?” he asked and then wished he could just vanish as Jensen’s eyes shot to his. “Crap! Okay, I need to shut up and we need to…ummm Jensen?” Jared figured he was probably as red at Jensen’s button down was right that moment. He wished he could take back the whole damn day but for sure he wanted that question back. “Forget it. Ignore it. Ignore me. I don’t know why I asked that because I know I’m not…”
“The first month after I moved in with you I think I took more cold showers than hot because I meant what I said in our first interview, about you being hot. You were, you are and hell yeah, I thought about telling you that and kissing you more than once.” Jensen figured they’d crossed the proverbial bridge now so he might as well jump off it. “I never did, I’ve kept my mouth shut…and off of you all these years because I didn’t want to risk our friendship by telling you I found you hotter than hell.
“I figure I’m risking it now by telling you right here, right now that if Richard hadn’t about broken his neck getting out there to make a distraction that crowd of people would’ve gotten a lot more than they bargained for because I really wanted to take control of that kiss and kiss you for real,” he quirked his lips up as Jared’s tongue licked nervously over his well chewed on bottom lip. “I want to kiss you now.”
Jared had to remind himself to breathe while swallowing the sudden lump. He was half certain he was probably just sleeping and this was not real. This couldn’t be real. Jensen couldn’t be in his lap, on the sofa in the Green Room saying he wanted to kiss him or that he thought he was hot.
Jared had never seen himself as other people, as their fans did. Anytime someone would ask him who was hotter, him or Jensen, he always put Jensen in that listing because Jensen had been hot from day one in Eric Kripke’s office.
“Jay, you’re starting to scare me here.” Jensen touched his face to snap Jared’s focus back to him, a worried frown on his rugged face.
“You…didn’t think what happened on stage was silly?” Jared decided he needed to clarify before risking taking the step he wanted to. “You’ve kissed guys before and you think I’m hot and want to kiss me again even though I probably sucked at kissing you earlier because I had no clue what I was doing and…if Misha tries to kiss you anytime can I push him in front of a bus?”
Jensen adored the way Jared’s brain could work at times. It had never failed to amaze him that for someone as hyper as Jared could be as many ways his brain could work that the man could memorize scripts faster than Jensen could.
This latest detour had him working to focus on everything until he chuckled. “Yes, to all of that and oh hell yeah to the last one,” he agreed and felt his heart slam into his throat the moment Jared’s smile came out in full force complete with dimples. It had been this smile that told Jensen 10 years earlier that he could fall in love with his co-star if he wasn’t careful. Now he knew he was lost and for once he didn’t give a damn.
“Can I kiss you again sometime, Jared?” Jensen wanted to right then but he was working on telling himself he needed to wait until they were back in Vancouver.
“Sometime…when?” Jared asked quietly as he slowly became more aware of Jensen’s body pressing against his and felt his starting to respond. “Now?”
Jensen nearly groaned as he let his forehead touch Jared’s. “God, I want to,” he returned but then they both heard a pounding on the door. “Think on this. Think if you really want me to kiss you and think where you want this to go because if it crosses past kissing we’ll need to talk and you’ll need to talk to Gen because while I love you…” he froze as he realized what he’d just said but decided not to go back or try to cover it because Jensen guessed he’d been in love with Jared from day one and he’d crossed too many lines that day to go back. “While I love you, I also know you love Gen. I love Danneel too but she already knows how I feel for you so won’t be shocked. I don’t want you to be confused or think I’m asking you to choose.
“We’re going to fly home. I want you to talk to Gen and if you decide you want to try another kiss to see how it goes or if we’re both overreacting to something then we will. If you decide after some good sleep or if Gen’s a little weirded out that you kissed me or I kissed you depending on how you look at it then we’ll call do-over and this can go down as…well we’ll decide that when we get home. Okay?” Jensen longed to kiss Jared right there and then but he realized if and when they kissed again it needed to be elsewhere and if the younger man took that step then Jensen would handle that.
It was the fear that he might have opened himself up too much, confessed too much and how hard it would be to put all of that back in the proverbial bottle if Jared took the other choice that scared Jensen now. He hadn’t meant to confess his full feelings for his very confused co-star right then but now that he had Jensen would have to roll with whatever came next. Right then he just had to get them back to Vancouver and see what happened next.
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“What the hell do you mean you knew when we were dating that I loved Jensen? How could you know I loved Jensen when I didn’t know I loved Jensen until…well…I haven’t even said that to myself much less him even though he sorta said he loved me.”
The flight back to Vancouver was a lot smoother than their trip to New Jersey had been. Not that Jared had gotten any sleep given his brain was a whirl of confused emotions and worry and the way Jensen’s jaw kept twitching as he pretended to sleep in the seat next to him he didn’t think his friend was relaxed either despite what he tried to portray.
Their bodyguard had been too busy snarling about them being late leaving the convention to pick up on the new vibes that Jared now swore he could feel bouncing between them or how he swore there were sparks every time Jensen had brushed up against him in the Hummer on the way to the airport or to the house they shared in Vancouver after what seemed like the longest damn flight home Jared had ever sat through.
Jensen’s admission to loving him had rocked Jared and at first on the flight he’d almost had himself convinced maybe the man was just teasing or playing but then the one time they did encounter turbulence and Jared’s fingers had clenched on the armrest he felt a comforting squeeze as Jensen’s hand covered his.
The gesture wasn’t new but when Jensen didn’t move his hand and Jared felt a slow, relaxing almost caress over it as they were the only ones in that row to see anything he began to think something more.
Both men were practically asleep by the time Clif got them home and Jared barely remembered saying goodnight to his co-star much less the answering grunt he got before he headed upstairs to his room and fell face first onto his bed with only a dim awareness of thinking what it might be like to fall to sleep with Jensen.
The next day was back to filming or it was for Jensen as Jared had actually gotten a rare day off and by the time he dragged himself out of bed, got a shower and then headed for the kitchen to see what they had to eat he knew Jensen had probably been gone for hours.
Jared’s lips curved up though as he stepped into the kitchen to see coffee had been made and there was a plate waiting with a note telling him to heat it up and actually eat it.
The note made no mention of calling home to Texas but after he ate and managed to drink a second cup of too strong coffee, he had no idea how Jensen could drink stuff that strong and still have a stomach, he called home to try to get a feel for Gen’s reaction; only to find himself staring at the phone in his hand like it was an alien when his wife managed to shock him much like Jensen had in New Jersey.
“Jared, the moment I stepped on that set the first time, the first time I met both of you together I knew you had feelings for Jensen.” Gen said with amusement clear in her voice a second before she adjusted it to shout at their oldest son who was about to try a stunt she knew he’d picked up from his father. “That scene we shot, the one that we will never let the boys see until either their both in their 40’s or I’m dead? If looks could’ve killed that day, Eric would’ve needed a third actress to play Ruby because Jensen was shooting me looks that clearly said I was poaching.”
Jared frowned as he thought back to those scenes or any scene that Gen had been in either with him or with both of them. He’d never really noticed it much but he guessed Jensen was a little more abrupt, a little colder with Gen than he was with any other female guest-star the show had ever had before or since. “No. Jensen liked you. He said you were a great actress and…”
“Honey, I didn’t say Jensen didn’t like my acting as Ruby. He even told me I did a great job bringing the, and I quote ‘little demon skank bitch to life’. It wasn’t my acting that Jensen didn’t like. It was the fact that I was touching you that had him gritting his teeth,” Gen could see her husband’s big eyes staring at the phone and going through his memories to decide if he wanted to defend or move on. “When we got married? After the ceremony while you were dancing with your Mom? Jensen came over to me and the only thing he said to me was he was glad I made you happy and…not to ever hurt to you. He loves you. You love him. Now tell me what’s freaking you out about this?”
“The fact that you’re not freaking out that maybe I love Jensen…okay, I do love Jensen,” Jared slumped on the sofa and wondered if his life could get any weirder. “We kissed or play kissed and…he said I needed to decide if I wanted him to kiss me again. He also wanted me to talk to you. I love you, Gen. I love the boys but…I…”
“You love Jensen too.” Gen’s voice was calm, accepting; something she was because she’d been waiting for this moment since the day she met Jared. “Do you want to kiss him or have him kiss you again?” she asked but knew the answer even before she heard the long pause. “Jared?”
“God, yes,” Jared finally said, closing his eyes and had to work to not let his thoughts go to places they shouldn’t while on the phone with his wife. “I do…but I won’t if you say not to. I meant the vows I took and…”
“Jensen took vows too, but Danneel and I’ve both knew eventually his will power would snap and he’d either tell you how he felt or…something like this would happen.” Gen heard a choking cough and smiled. “Jared, Danneel and I do talk. We talk a lot and I know that while she and Jensen love one another they’re still best friends than anything else.
“She called me when the first pics of that kiss hit Twitter so I’ll tell you what I told her I would since we both knew Jensen would tell you to call me before letting anything else happen. I love you, Jared Padalecki. I love you, I will keep those vows we made, I will raise our sons and I will be your wife in public and your friend always, but I also want you to be happy. Talk to Jensen, Jared; talk to him and see where a kiss leads. Then your next weekend free, the four of us will make some choices for our families,” she understood the choice she was making. As well as what she was telling Jared to do but Gen also had understood something else right from the first moment she met the stars of Supernatural; there was no denying the chemistry between those two men both on screen and off.
Jared was still working thru his shock at Gen’s basic acceptance of this thing that suddenly seemed to be happening when he reminded himself that he still had to broach this with Jensen and hoped by the time his co-star got home…in another eight hours that he knew what the hell to say and that Jensen hadn’t changed his mind.
Twelve Hours later:
“What the hell happened to him? Who the hell did it to him? And when I get to set tomorrow please tell me I can break the son of a bitch!”
Jared had spent the rest of his day off trying to relax while also trying to get his head together in what he wanted to say when Jensen got home from filming.
He’d debated on cooking but then nixed that plan and ordered Jensen’s favorite take-out that he carefully sat out in the kitchen as he then only had to settle his nerves and wait.
When it went past the time that even at their latest that Jensen didn’t walk thru the door, the younger man started to worry but shrugged it off since he knew how easily their shoots could run long. By the time he got really worried and started texting, Jared’s head was giving him the worst case scenarios as to why Jensen wasn’t home or answering his calls or texts.
He debated with himself for an hour before finally placing another call and this one was picked up after a few rings.
“Okay, so before you start ranting the only thing I’m saying to you is wait 15 more minutes, open the bloody front door and vent to your bodyguard who can give you the detailed…or not, so detailed tale since no one wants you going off on a moose-size tantrum tomorrow.” Mark Sheppard’s voice said and then disconnected quickly before Jared could process that.
By the time he did he heard keys in the front door and was just getting to the hall when he stopped, looked, blinked to look again and then he was in their bodyguard’s face shouting.
“I told you to let me call him on the way home or else this was the reaction he was going to give.” Jensen sounded tired but he also sounded in pain; which if he considered the bruises he knew he was going to have in the morning and how his head was still throbbing he guessed he was despite the drugs the hospital had given him for pain. “Jared, I’m…” he started to speak but lost the chance when Jared whirled from growling at Clif to stare at him and Jensen read the fear and worry as well some hurt. “Let me find the sofa and then I’ll tell you about my interesting day and why new stunt men really should be trained better or something.”
Jensen’s face was bruised and dirty but Jared wasn’t sure if that was real or his friend hadn’t had any prop wounds removed until he remembered that Dean wasn’t supposed to be hurt today so that sent his worry up a notch and his temper thru the roof as he reached out to try to offer support when he saw how off balanced Jensen seemed. He heard a soft hiss of pain and had just started to whirl back to a grumbling Clif when fingers caught his arm.
“What happened?” Jared asked and flipped a coin between the sofa and Jensen’s bedroom when he lost the choice as his co-star headed for the living room to slump on the sofa with a groan of pain. “Tell me,” he growled at Clif who stayed in the door between hall and living room.
“You know that flu bug that has been making the rounds on set? Well, it finally hit the stunt people so the bosses had to call in some extras today and…one of them must be new to the job or has never been told even when working with other stunt people that he’s not supposed to go full out much less go full out when working with the actual actor; the actor who insisted on doing his own goddamn stunt work today.” Clif shot a firm look to see that Jensen had managed to get his jacket off but had given up on his shirts in favor of just falling back on the sofa after flipping him off.
“Short story, Bob called the scene the moment Jensen went down and didn’t get back up after I guess according to everyone’s favorite demon the stunt ass had been warned a couple times to pull back and by the time I got there, the set medic was there and Mark was going Crowley on the stunt guys. We took Jensen to the ER to get checked out but they say he’s only got a slight concussion, some bruised ribs, and will probably be black and blue in some places tomorrow,” the bodyguard heard teeth gritting and had to admit it was a nice change to see this reaction on the more mellow one of his two charges since normally it was Jensen growling and snarling when Jared got hurt.
“Jeremy said to see how he was tonight or in the morning and if he can’t move or can’t come in to just call or you can tell him when you come in.” Clif said this while stepping back since he already knew Jared would be spinning on his heel to shoot him one hell of a dark look; he wasn’t disappointed. “Of course I also told him that would be your reaction so Mark volunteered him and Misha to film their scenes tomorrow so the day won’t be wasted.”
Jared snorted and headed in to sit on the coffee table to gaze down at Jensen as he appeared to have fallen to sleep with the help of the pain meds given to him. “Does he have meds to take or a list of orders or am I winging it?” he asked, sounding disgusted at both the senseless way Jensen was injured and that no one had called him. “A phone call would’ve been nice, Clif.”
“Jensen wanted to call you when it happened but…” Clif had to phrase this carefully or else the moment Jared got to set someone would bleed. “People thought it best if…you know…we waited to tell you until Jensen was home or…”
“Uh, no. It doesn’t work that way and you damn well know that.” Jared snapped, careful to keep his tone low so if Jensen was sleeping he didn’t wake back up. “If one of us gets hurt, the other one knows about it and if one of us asks for the other then someone on that set had damn well better be calling the other so that means you should have called me,” he shot a glare over his shoulder as a bag from the local pharmacy was handed out along with a typed sheet of paper with general instructions.
A look at the paper didn’t tell Jared anything he didn’t know by using common sense so he discarded that in favor of checking the meds or what was in the bag to sigh. He and Jensen knew one another for 10 years so they both knew each other well enough to know how to handle injuries incurred on set and what Jared didn’t know he had speed dial he could use.
Once Clif was gone, he left Jensen to sleep while he went to put the food away and try to find something he thought Jensen might want to eat or would need to eat when he did wake up. Jared’s concerns about kissing or anything else were pushed aside since he knew Jensen wouldn’t be interested in that until he felt better.
The little niblets of doubt were still in Jared’s head about what happened in New Jersey being a one-time thing and maybe now that they were home and the excitement of the con and stuff was gone that he was mis-reading Jensen’s comments or he had just dreamed the whole damn thing.
“You know you’re still adorable when you’re overthinking something and worrying too much about stuff.”
Jensen’s rough with sleep, still half out of it on pain meds voice took Jared by surprise and he whirled from where he’d been looking in one of the upper cabinets for some soup and felt his forehead connect with the cabinet door after he forget it was open.
“Dammit!” he grabbed for his head with one hand and barely resisted the urge to slam the door closed with his other when he heard a low chuckle. “I didn’t think you’d wake up this soon.” Jared blinked to clear his eyes of the tears that had blurred his vision at the sharp pain only to go still when fingers brushed over his aching forehead. “I’ll…I called out for Chinese but I can…umm make soup or whatever you want or…”
“Did you call Gen today?” Jensen was still in pain and his body was craving a soft bed and 12 hours of sleep after the day on set that he had, the rest of which he’d tell Jared about in pieces.
Jensen knew it was frowned upon when either he or Jared did their own stunts but he’d been so on edge, so distracted today that he’d pushed for it. He knew it was half his fault he’d be sore tomorrow but he also knew the other half was a too energetic stunt guy that he hoped he never saw again.
He’d worried and wondered about Jared since he left the house earlier and had to wonder if he hadn’t talked a little too much on the way home to their bodyguard since Jensen swore he could recall giving a silent and always understanding Clif a play-by-play idea of what he’d like to do with Jared if he could.
Waking up a little groggy and a lot stiff told Jensen he probably should just go to bed until he was clearer, and until he could move a little better but then the noises coming from the kitchen caught his attention and it amused him that Jared really had no idea that when he was brooding or so deep into his own head with worries or doubts that he tended to talk out loud.
Of course Jensen hadn’t meant to make his friend concuss himself by slamming his head into the cabinet door so he winced at he watched this happen but then stepped closer to touch the red spot to both try to soothe the pain and to be sure Jared hadn’t cut his head open.
“Oh…umm…yeah, I did.” Jared leaned against the counter, curling his fingers over the edge of it rather than risk reaching out to touch Jensen like he really wanted to do. “She…she said when she and I did that scene that you were giving her death looks.”
Jensen guessed that wasn’t all Gen said but he knew Jared was nervous and would play along for the moment while stepping a half-step closer. “Oh, you mean the scene that we will make sure your sons never see until they’re 50?” he smirked while letting his fingers brush Jared’s hair back away from his eyes to cock his head. “The scene that nearly got me banned from set because I might’ve been growling and snarling a little too much every time Gen touched you? Yeah, I’d say that would be an accurate description of the looks I was shooting her. What else did Gen say, Jared?” he asked quietly and hoped he didn’t look as nervous as he suddenly felt. “Or…what have you decided?”
“I…I…thought you’d want to wait until you felt better or less in pain or…” Jared bit his lip when deep green eyes suddenly locked on his and every calm thought or the preplanned words he’d worked all damn day seemed to vanish from his head, leaving him nervous and as awkward as he could remember being at 16 and on a date. “Kiss me?”
A piece of Jensen had worried all day that once Jared thought more about what had happened or talked with Gen that he’d change his mind and while Jensen would’ve have honored that choice he couldn’t help the flare of relief he felt a moment before his blood heated as he reached up to frame Jared’s pale cheeks.
“Are you sure?” he got the slightest glimpse of a frustrated look but to Jensen this was vitally important Jared be totally sure. “I’m not trying to back out. Believe me, if I was less responsible or even a bit more hyped on pain pills you’d be on the table by now. I’m asking because this is more than a kiss, Jay. If I kiss you now, if I let myself kiss you like I want…letting go of you, going back to co-stars, best friends, whatever we are now is going to be hard.” Jensen explained as best as he could right then.
Jared wasn’t the only one who had lent pieces of himself to his character over the years. Dean Winchester’s inability or dislike of opening himself emotionally or sharing his true thoughts with nearly anyone came from Jensen’s own dislike of those things.
He’d learned early on in his Hollywood career to close himself off emotionally, to hide or shield his deepest thoughts or emotions or else he’d be chewed up. Jensen had been hurt before learning that lesson which is why he’d tried to shield Jared so much in the start after seeing how much of his heart the younger man wore and still did wear on his sleeve.
Now as he watched Jared’s face as they stood close enough to touch but held back from anything else, Jensen knew he’d have to let that wall down a little for Jared’s sake. “Since Jersey, all I’ve done was keep thinking about you, that kiss and how damn badly I want to kiss you for real. I want that now but I also want to be sure you understand this is about more than a kiss or working off stress or anything. I meant it when I said I loved you there and while that was really too fast to drop that one on you I won’t take it back.”
Jensen could see Jared’s eyes getting wide, darker. He saw how tense he was but also how he seemed to be gripping the counter rather than touch him. “Are you sure you want me to kiss you?” he asked again with the very last bit of his patience waning as his head really wanted to feel Jared’s lips on his again.
“Yes.” Jared thought he understood Jensen’s concerns. He also understood his worries and wished he could focus right then to reassure his friend that his worries were moot but right then all he could focus on was the feel of Jensen’s fingers on his face and how intense his eyes were. “Yes, I want you to kiss me. Yes, I understand what I’m saying, what it means and…who said you’d have to let me go? I think I’ve been yours since a night on a bridge when it would’ve been so damn easy to turn Eric’s scene into something else. I’m yours now, Jensen, if you want me.”
“Yahtzee.” Jensen whispered as if those were the words he’d been waiting to hear and one swift tug took Jared away from the counter and into Jensen’s arms for a kiss that would change both of their worlds.
TBC