Work Text:
There’s a still in the street outside your window.
And you’re keeping secrets on your pillow.
Kate Beckett, no longer a Detective, walked to the swing-set in the pouring rain. She didn’t care about the rain, did not even contemplate the fact that the frame of the swing-set was metal and might attract the lightening the storm carried. She sat on seat of the swing and ruminated over everything that had happened. Not just on the day but on the ones before it. She thought about her mom and how she would have felt if she could see where her daughter was now. Kate had always imposed her own feelings on what she thought her mom would have wanted her to do but she knew she was lying to herself, knew that this wasn’t what Johanna would have wanted for her daughter. Johanna Beckett would not have wanted her daughter to waste her life trying to solve her murder and forget to live for herself. Kate had put her life and her dreams on pause trying to catch her mom’s killer and now, Kate sighed as she leaned her head against the cold metal chain of the swing, now she had to let it go. Wasn’t it on this same swing-set she had told Castle that if she solved her mother’s case then maybe she could break down the wall around her heart? She’d told him even more recently that she thought the wall was coming down, that she was almost to a place where she could let him in. The truth was, wall or no, Richard Castle had found his way into her heart, as if he had a skeleton key to a hidden door no one else had managed to find.
Kate looked over at the empty swing beside her. It was strange how whenever Castle was absent she realized how much she truly enjoyed his company; that she was always left staring at an empty seat and wishing he was in it. She knew she didn’t feel whole without him. The team didn’t feel like a full cohesive unit when he wasn’t there. Beckett liked having a partner that was there to have her back, so much so that when he wasn’t and she was left dangling by her arms, hanging on by her fingertips to life from a rooftop ledge she imagined he would come to her rescue. He would have too if she hadn’t been so stubborn. She wouldn’t have been in that position in the first place if she had just listened to him.
Beckett ran through everything he had said about ‘Smith’ and the fact that he was protecting her. She had felt betrayed that Castle had lied to her, not told her the whole truth about what was going on. Deciding her own fate with a stranger he didn’t really know the identity of without even consulting with her. The revelation had hurt and she had instinctively pushed him away. Now it hurt more to know that he was right, he said she would be blasting headlong into a situation that would get herself killed, did do exactly that and would be dead if not for Ryan. She wasn’t a child, but maybe she did need someone to look out for her, even if she never wanted or expected them to.
Kate realized, though, that there was another betrayal at work and it was one of her own doing. “Because I love you, but you already know that, don’t you? You’ve known for about a year.” His words echoed in her mind. He knew that she remembered which meant that he knew that she lied to him about not remembering, and yet he had stuck with her. Castle figuring out she was lying to him would certainly make sense of the rough patch they’d had recently, explained the sudden appearance of the blonde flight attendant. They had both been keeping secrets from each other and in the end they only ended up hurting each other with those secrets’ revelations.
Somehow she found herself outside his place looking up at his windows. No one was outside on the streets but her, the rain driving everyone inside. She was the only one around out in the pouring rain. A few cautious cars drove by but other than that the neighbourhood was empty. She wondered what he was doing now? What was he thinking? How was he feeling?
Let me inside, no cause for alarm.
I promise tonight not to do you no harm.
I promise you, babe, I won’t do ya no harm.
So what, Kate wondered, did she do now? Castle said he was done, that they were over. Her refusal of his feelings by not caring about her own mortality as much as he did, by not responding to his pleads for her to not go after the man who shot her, had been a harsh turn, more painful to him than if she had attacked him physically. How did she fix that? Would he even listen to her? If he did what words did she say to him that would show him how sorry she was for hurting him, for denying him, how much she needed him, wanted him in her life, just plain wanted him? There was only one thing she was sure of, nothing would fix itself by just standing out in the pouring rain.
Beckett walked to the overhang of his apartment building’s door and pulled out her cell phone. She walked inside and past the doorman who gave her a look-over and a nod as she entered the elevator. She hit speed-dial and listened to it ring on the ride up on the elevator. His cell went to voice-mail, she didn’t bother leaving a message, pocketed her cell. When the elevator doors opened on his floor she took a few steadying breaths outside his apartment door. She was still debating what she was going to say to him. She squared her shoulders and decided that she wouldn’t hold back, she’d follow her heart, let it do the talking, after all, it was what had led her here, to him. She raised her hand and knocked on his door with one more deep breath and a silent prayer.
And we’re caught up in the crossfire
of Heaven and Hell.
And we’re searching for shelter.
Lay your body down, lay your body down, lay your body down.
Castle opened the door and Beckett watched his face go from an expression of curiosity of who would be knocking on his door to angry, angry at seeing her and it broke her heart to see him that way. She just stood there silently, feeling like an idiot, dripping wet in his hallway.
“Beckett, what do you want?” he asked, his hurt evident and also his vexation toward her. A heartbeat passed, a roll of thunder.
In that moment she realized there was really only one answer to his question, the one that fell from her lips, “You.”
She let her feet carry her through his doorway, her arms raised reaching for his face, wanting nothing more than to kiss away that look upon his face. He stepped back, not sure of what was going on. She advanced until she did win that kiss she wanted, needed, to give him. Rick’s hands fluttered, in shock, unsure. Her hands caressed his neck, their foreheads still pressed together, breathing the same air.
“I’m so sorry, Castle. I’m so sorry,” Kate’s words were a breathy whisper. The true depth of her regret felt with each utterance. “I’m so sorry.” She kissed him again and his body finally broke free of the shock he was in, allowed him to think, to react. The part of him that was learning to guard his heart from being hurt by her wondered if she was really there because this was what she wanted, if she felt for him the same way he did for her. What had driven her to this, made her come back to him? As great as it felt to have her in his arms he had to know. He pushed her back, broke off the kiss and he saw the tracks of tears on her face, felt his heart plummet. Maybe this wasn’t just about them, maybe this was scared Kate once again running to a place where she thought she could retreat, running to the nearest shelter to hide. He shook that thought off because he knew he couldn’t deny her either way, never really could. He would be there for her because despite his best efforts lately she still had his heart. What had happened? All the terrible possibilities of everything that could have gone wrong ran through his mind in a split second, and as a writer there were quite a few imaginative and horrible scenarios.
“What happened?”
“He got away, and I didn’t care,” Kate told him with a bittersweet smile. She looked into Rick’s eyes willing him to understand what she was trying to tell him. “I almost died and all I could think about was you. I just want you.”
Kate tried kissing him again then, but Rick leaned back, still processing. She searched his expression, trying to read his face, know what he was thinking. She gently touched her fingertips to his face and as a flash of lightening lit up the sky, the room and his face, she saw a change sweep over him. The look that Castle gave her when he thought she wasn’t looking, that one that showed how much he desired her, and wanted her and asserted him as an alpha-male, a look of pure, unfiltered sexual hunger, it was there.
As if a crack of thunder had been the walls guarding their hearts being blasted and crumbled down allowing them to act on all the things they had held in check for so long, everything was now happening in a rush, a flurry of movement. Rick rushed her and Kate’s back met the door slamming it closed with a bang. They kissed each other with vigor. Arms wrapped around each other, their breathing became rapid with passion. He kissed her moving from her mouth down to her neck as she caressed his neck the back of his head, ran her fingers though his hair. She could feel the evidence of his desire pressed against her through their clothes. She ran her hand across his back, along his broad shoulders, the feel of the silk of his shirt was exquisite. She kissed his neck, tasted the saltiness of his skin. He kissed his way down her neck, kissed the hollow of her throat, the top of her chest, reached the barrier of her shirt and broke off his kisses.
Kate watched as he unbuttoned her blouse, opened the garment to reveal the swell of her breasts in a black lace bra, the circular scar from where she was shot marring her skin in between her breasts. A part of her worried that he would be repulsed by the scar, afraid of how he would react. She needn’t have worried. He looked down with what she could only described as reverence, here was a mark that proved how close he had come to losing her, how close her heart was to him now, how vulnerable she was allowing herself to be with him. His hand hovered over the mark, her hand came up to guide his hand covering his and pressing his hand to her chest to feel her heartbeat, how it beat now for him. With her other hand she touched his chin, brought him back in to kiss sweetly and he felt her heart continue to beat a staccato against his palm. She opened her eyes and smiled. They rubbed noses as she looked down at their hands now down by their waists. Her hand reached out for his and, fingers splayed, she took his hand gently, palm to palm. He looked at her, trying to read what she was trying to tell him with her eyes. She bit her bottom lip and started to walk with him toward his office where she knew beyond that was his bedroom. Decision made, Rick Castle did what he had always done since he met Kate Beckett four years ago, he followed her.
Watch y’undress as you turn down the lights.
I forget all about the storm outside.
Dark clouds roll their way over town.
Heartache and pain came a-pourin’ down,
like hail sleet, and rain,
yeah they’re handin’ it out.
Beckett released Castle’s hand when they reached his bedroom and she took off her squishy wet calf-high boots, the sound they had made while she walked had made them both giggle, a sound that seemed juxtaposed with the seriousness of everything that was happening. She took off her leather jacket, she’d worry about the damage the rain had caused it later, not a worry for now. Castle took the coat to hang it up to drip in the bathroom. She watched him walk carefully, smirked saucily with understanding, bit her cheek so he wouldn’t see. She took the few moments he was out of the room to strip out of her soaked skin-tight black jeans, not an easy task and under no circumstances was the process attractive no matter what the movies showed. It wasn’t a fast thing to do either and Castle returned before she could get fully out of them. He smiled at what must have been a comical scene, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Kate threw the soaked pants at him that he caught deftly with one hand. He threw the soaked jeans behind him onto the bathroom floor. She noticed he had removed his belt and had unbuttoned his shirt, or had she unbuttoned it before?
Castle closed his bedroom door, locking it just in case for good measure. When he turned back around Beckett was turning off one of the lamps. She started to finish unbuttoning her shirt, the ability to form a coherent sentence had left his brain, the writer turned speechless. He took in the sight of her, willing the vision of her incredibly sexy body standing there before him to be etched into his memory. Her hair was still dripping, rivulets of water running down from her locks to travel into curves and crevices he’d like to follow with his mouth: down her shoulders, along her collarbone, down the swell of her breasts to the scar there and further still. His eyes drank in every inch of her, loving the look of her long legs bare all the way up until her shirt cut off his view tantalizingly. He met her eyes again and suddenly he was wishing he wasn’t wearing quite so much clothing. She must have been thinking the same thing because she closed the gap between them and began to pull his shirt out of the waistband of his slacks as she kissed him on the mouth.
The thunder rolled loudly, vibrating throughout the building, but neither of the two seemed to notice anymore. They let the outside world drift away in this moment. All the problems that they had faced, all the near-death escapes, everything that the world had ever thrown at them now lay beyond the bedroom door.
And we’re caught up in the crossfire
of Heaven and Hell
And we’re searchin’ for shelter.
Lay your body down, lay your body down…
Here were two people who had veritably been through Hell together and now, finally, they were finding their own bit of heaven on earth with each other. Castle followed one of those drips of water, the ones he had envied earlier, with his mouth across her clavicle, down to her left breast. She arched back with a sigh before impatiently finishing her task of removing his shirt. She ran her hands across his chest, over his pecks, up over his shoulders, back up his neck to draw his head back down for more heated kisses. He ran his hands down her front, over her lace covered breasts, thumbs rubbing her nipples through the fabric before sliding his hands further down over her belly to her sides, the curve where her hips met torso. His fingers brushed at the fabric of her matching black lace panties, let his hands go behind her to cup her buttocks, pressing her body closer to his letting his pelvis press against her lower abdomen. He brought one hand back to the curve of her waist but the other strayed down to lift one of her long legs up, her knee hooking on his hip. She kept it there as she leaned back just enough to run her fingers across his stomach, the muscles rippled under her touch. She let her leg slip down so she could unfasten his pants. Her once nimble fingers turned clumsy and had trouble with the fastener. He helped her with the button and zipper and she pushed the slacks down. He took her wet shirt off of her. His breath caught for a second and she covered the linear scar on her side, the one on her ribcage from the surgery that saved her life. He moved her hand away and replaced it with his mouth, kissing the unnatural mark. He kissed his way back up her body as she wove her fingers into his hair. He stepped out of his pants that were pooled at his feet and led them to the bed.
She arched her back and reached behind her to unclasp her bra one-handed. A skill he couldn’t help but admire and she knew he thought it, acknowledged the thought with an arched brow. He smiled crookedly at her then divested her of the bra by easing the straps down her shoulders then sliding down the lace cups and kissing every inch of where the lace had touched her skin. He tossed the scrap of lace to the floor, preoccupied now with her pert breasts and rosy nipples. He suckled at them equally, teasing them with his tongue, nipping at them lightly with his teeth, first on one breast then the other. As he did so she arched into his mouth, her fingers scratching lightly across his back and neck. Her knee rode up his side, her foot caressing up the back of his leg. She brought her hands down to his waist as he kissed the crook of her neck. He felt her slide down the band of his boxers, felt her fingernails graze his ass-cheeks, he couldn’t help the need to grind against her. He kissed up the side up her face then hovered his face inches above hers, watched a lazy sultry smile cross her face. He raised himself up on his arms and knees to the outside of her body and she scooted herself up fully on the bed, her wet hair splaying across the pillows. He reached into the nightstand for protection that he kept in the drawer. He finished taking off his boxers then he slid her panties off, she lifted her hips up to help. As he moved to kneel in-between her legs she took the condom package from him.
Kate reached for him but he pushed her gently to lay back down and he sat on his heels. Her look turned quizzical then, when she figured out what he intended she watched him with anticipation. He ran his hands down her torso all the way to her knees then back up her thighs to the juncture there. His fingers brushed lightly at the curls there before he touched her in earnest. He rubbed his thumb on her swelling bud making her hips jerk. He kept his thumb to continue it’s pleasurable torture while slipping two fingers into her folds, finding her sweet honey-pot already wet for him. He rubbed her clit a few moments longer before she reached for him again and he moved up her body. She had opened the condom and he gasped when she took him into her hands to roll the rubber onto him, sheathing him. She wrapped her fingers around him and pumped him a few times.
“Kate,” he said her name in soft warning, stopping her hand. She let out a sultry laugh that drove him even more wild. He claimed her mouth with his and positioned himself better between her legs. She guided him to her entrance and he slid in, a few inches at first then back out, testing the waters. The next time he went in for the plunge, burying himself to the hilt, grasping her hips. She gasped and so did he. Finally they were fully connected, this could never be taken back. They found a rhythm, a rise and fall together that drove them to greater heights. He found that if he rolled his hips and grinded into her on some of the thrusts it drove her wild, made her call out his name. She discovered that he really did like a little pain mixed with pleasure, she bit at his nipples and slapped his ass as he drove in. She reached her climax with eye rolling pleasure, her inner walls contracting around him. She reached her hand down to run her finger on the sensitive skin behind his testicles, rolled his balls gently in her hand. She felt the soft skin tighten as he neared his own climax. He brought his hand between them and rubbed her clit with his fingers bringing her to another climax to match his own. They rode the peak together than came back down breathless.
They lay panting for a few moments before he finally, reluctantly pulled out of her and rolled to lay on his back by her side.
“That was…”
“That was…,” they both started to describe what it was like at the same time but neither could find words quite fantastic enough to express what the release of four years of pent-up sexual attraction felt like. Instead they fell into a comfortable laughter together.
“Maybe I should get out my thesaurus and look up all the words that mean amazing, incredible, wonderful…,” he panted.
“Don’t forget, ah, explosive, phenomenal, glorious, epic and mmm,” she nibbled at his ear then whispered huskily, “and orgasmic.”
“Oh yeah,” he laughed low in his throat, “there’s no forgetting that.” He turned to face her and they kissed again, slowly and with tenderness.
Tell the Devil that He can go back from where He came.
His fiery arrows drew their bead in vain.
And when the hardest part is over we’ll be here.
And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fear.
The boundaries of our fear.
The two lovers eventually made their way to the shower together, cleaned each other, luxuriated in the feel of the water, the soap, the loving caresses. Rick noticed, in the brighter light in the bathroom, the bruises forming on her body from the day’s trials, kissed each mark. As they lay in bed later they talked for a long while. She fully explained everything that had happened: the lead that took them to the sniper’s room, finding Montgomery’s stolen file, laptop and wedding album, the fight on the rooftop. She had told him that he was right, she had run right into a situation that would have been the death of her if not for Ryan. She told Castle how she called out his name and thought it was his voice, not Ryan’s, calling back. He told her how he wished he was there, how he was sorry that in that moment he didn’t have her back. She told him it was okay, she understood his reasons and he was right to put his foot down, make the decision he felt he needed to. He thought that it was impossible for anyone to feel any happier than he when she finally told him that she loved him, sealed the moment with a kiss and smiled, happiness shining from both their eyes. She told him about Gates and the suspension and how she told Gates that she was resigning.
Castle was shocked to hear that particular bit of news, he was concerned by it but he told Beckett that whatever she decided to do that he would be there for her. They were fully in this together now, bonded even more than they had ever been before. As far as Rick Castle was concerned whoever it was that had caused so much death, so much pain in Kate Beckett’s life, the man could go straight back to Hell because he wasn’t going to win this one.
Lay your body down. Lay your body down. Lay your body down…
Kate Beckett was his, and Castle was hers, and she’d live and she’d learn how to be truly happy. The unnamed bastard had done his best to take Kate from this world but that wasn’t going to happen. They weren’t naïve enough to think it was all over, that they would be left alone to live in peace, but for now they had time to dream, time to enjoy what they had, each other. They both knew that it would never really be over until the bad guys were all caught but for now, a silent shared thought, for now they would live out the dreams they had for their future, live their lives together and not think about or fear a future they couldn’t control. Their love was stronger than any fear of the unknown. They fell asleep, bodies intertwined, limbs wrapped around each other, breathing the same air, as the last of the line of storms to roll through New York left the city leaving behind it a freshness of something new, air clear and holding the promise of a bright new day when night became dawn.
…Next to mine.