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The Daily Prophet landed on the floor with a quiet thump as Remus Lupin gripped the edge of the dining table, knuckles white and hands shaking. He gasped for air, desperately trying and failing to fill his suffocatingly tight lungs. His chest seared with a scalding hot pain, making his monthly transformations pale in comparison. Remus’ stomach bubbled with a bitter and unpleasant sensation as his heart pounded in his head, the world spinning underneath his feet. He leaned over and retched, vomiting on the floor of his and Sirius’––no, his flat.
Sirius was a traitor. James and Lily were dead. Peter was dead too. They were all gone. All but Remus.
Wiping his mouth with a shaking hand, Remus dropped to his hands and knees on the kitchen floor. He stared at the hardwood, almost determinedly, as he attempted to wrap his mind around the events of that night.
“Sirius––” whispered Remus, voice hoarse and crackling, before clenching his jaw shut hard. How foolish was he to still call for the man that betrayed them all? At the reminder of Sirius’ actions, bile rose in Remus’ stomach and he fought to keep it down. “How could you?” Remus croaked, closing his eyes and trying to picture Sirius’ carefree smile and bright grey eyes. He was so beautiful, the most beautiful and good man Remus had ever known. He opened his eyes, gaze landing on the Daily Prophet, which broadcasted a picture of Sirius on the front page. His hair was matted and his eyes were deranged. “Who are you?” Remus choked out, his voice shaking with horror. The photo of Sirius made eye contact with him, eyes almost softening, and Remus swore his mouth formed the word Moony. He almost looked like the Sirius that Remus knew.
Hit with a sudden wave of anger, Remus withdrew his wand from his trousers and pointed it at the paper. “Incendio,” he spat, and the newspaper went up in flames. Sirius’ grey eyes pierced into his until the paper was nothing but ash. Remus rose to his feet, resuming his stance with his hands on the edge of the table.
“James and Lily are dead,” Remus whispered. The words rang through the quiet kitchen, echoing in Remus’ skull. “James and Lily are dead,” he repeated, his voice louder this time. James, with his messy hair and crooked glasses and bright smile that took Remus under his wing when they were 11 and never let him go. Lily, with her determined eyes and kind laughter and loving hugs that stood by Remus no matter what. James and Lily, both only 21 years old. James and Lily, dead. Remus laughed mirthlessly, almost maniacally. “JAMES AND LILY ARE DEAD!” He roared, slamming his fist on the table. Uncontrolled magic pulsed through the small room, and a dish in the sink shattered.
“Stupid fucking Sirius and his bloody dishes!” yelled Remus, pointing his wand at the pile of dirty dishes that his boyfr––Sirius hadn’t washed. “Reducto!” The plates exploded, shards flying across the room and hitting Remus’ arm, cutting into his skin. Remus grinned sardonically, relishing in the pain, the momentary distraction from the burning and tearing in his heart.
“Fuck you, Sirius Black!” Remus bellowed, setting Sirius’ muggle rock poster ablaze. “You deserve to rot in Azkaban, you bloody traitor!” He turned his head wildly, searching for something else to destroy when his eyes landed on a framed photograph of them all. Remus pointed his wand at it, chest heaving.
“Blimey, lads,” said James, eyes shining. “I’m going to be a father.”
“A sodding awful one at that,” joked Sirius, ruffling James’ already unruly hair. “Only joking of course,” he added with a wink to Remus, who smiled and rolled his eyes enduringly.
“You’ll be a fantastic mum, Lils,” Remus said assuringly, reaching out and setting a hand on Lily’s shoulder.
“Thanks, Remus,” Lily breathed, smiling nervously. “I’m just so worried, with the war and all––”
“Nonsense, Lilykins,” Sirius interrupted. “Your son will grow up with the most badass parents a wizard could ask for.”
Lily smiled. “Thank you, Sirius.”
“Now how about you boys?” James said teasingly, turning his attention to Remus. “Thinking about adding any pups to the family?”
Remus shrugged. “I’m practically raising a child right now,” he said, jerking a thumb at Sirius. “Why add another?”
“Fair enough,” James said with a grin. “Maybe one day, though?”
Remus glanced at Sirius, who had remained unusually quiet during this conversation, and was surprised to see him flushed. “I don’t think I’d be a very good father,” Remus said, attempting to sound nonchalant. “And besides, I’m not going to live very long, not nearly as long as the rest of you.”
Lily frowned, cocking her head up to look at him. “Why do you say that?”
“Well werewolves don’t live very long and fulfilling lives, do they?” Remus said, casting his eyes down to his hands. “You’ll all outlive me by a long shot.”
“Nonsense, Moony my love,” Sirius interjected, and Remus’ head lifted to face the dark-haired boy. “We will all grow old together and our children will all marry James and Evans’ children and we’ll all be one big happy family.”
James and Lily laughed at this, and Remus smiled graciously at Sirius, who winked before leaning over and kissing him on the mouth.
“Until the very end, my love.”
What a cruel twist of fate.