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"What the fuck is her deal?" Taking her seat beside Laszlo on the second fanciest loveseat, Nadja gestures in the direction of Marwa. She appears to be sitting on top of the desk Guillermo is attempting to use to write out their monthly finances, which seems difficult as she repeatedly attempts to push his papers aside to move closer.
Without so much as a glance upwards, Laszlo scoffs. "Don't fucking ask. She's been at it all bloody morning. Nearly lit her skirt on fire earlier, on the desk candles."
She observes as Marwa twiddles her hair, knocks her leg gently into Guillermo's arm. With her enhanced vampire-hearing she can make out Guillermo saying the words 'please don't do that.' Either that or 'bees tote blue hat'--it was hard to say.
"And Nandor hasn't come to bitch them out yet?" Laszlo shrugs grandeously, his eyes still not leaving his copy of Parenting Through Puberty: A Father's Survival Guide.
That Nandor, woof. He would fuck and suck just about anyone, but the moment no one is fucking and sucking him, it's like melt down central. Oh, look at me, look at me and my shiny hair and my broad chest. So annoying.
Luckily the two of them don't seem to pick up on their conversation, too caught up in their own back-and-forth. More like back-and-back-and-back, based on Guillermo's lack of response towards Marwa's nonstop jabbering. Nadja tunes in.
"You write so nicely, Guillermo. I know how to write too, you know. Not like you, of course. You should give me writing lessons--wouldn't that be exciting? Oh, do you like basketball, Guillermo? It's the most wonderful game, here, let me show you–" As she attempts to tug him out of his seat, he slams his quill-pen-thing hard onto the table, eyes shut and face screwed up in frustration.
"Be careful with that, Guillermo! That desk is older than your bloodline," she scolds half-heartedly. Truthfully she's trying to watch him really fucking loose it. It's been a boring morning.
His chest heaves with a heavy sigh, like an animal preparing to let out a primal shriek before attack. Oh, this should be good. Guillermo is a wet sock most of the time, but Nadja has found she quite enjoys him angry, the little spitfire.
"Nandor!" He shouts, much to Nadja's disappointment. Leave it to Nandor to ruin what was shaping up to be a perfectly good catfight.
Hardly a moment passes before the flinging open of a coffin can be heard. "Guillermo? Where are you?" Echoes down the hall. Those must be his 4 favorite words, she thinks to herself. It's quite funny, so she tells Laszlo as well, who snickers.
Nightshirt swishing dramatically around the corner, Nandor enters, his hair a mess and his feet bare. "Yes? What is the matter?"
Guillermo strides towards him, leaving a pouting and confused Marwa leaning against the desk. "Your wife won't leave me alone," he hisses.
"She's been sitting on my desk and talking and shoving and– squeezing my face all fucking morning, and it's kind of driving me crazy, so could you just…" They're standing very closely now, close enough that Marwa's puny human ears cannot possibly hear them.
"Squeezing you?" Nandor splutters ridiculously. Right on cue, Marwa appears next to Guillermo, hanging off his arm and smiling stupidly. Guillermo holds out a hand towards her pointedly, glancing to a spot behind Nadja where a camera is surely positioned.
"What are we talking about?" Marwa asks breezily. Guillermo raises his eyebrows at Nandor, who looks positively dumbfounded.
"Er, Marwa, Guillermo and I were just…" Nadja almost pities him, the clumsy brute. Almost. "We were discussing my plans for tonight. Ah, how would you like to have a, a picnic? Outside?" Marwa perks up.
"Oh, yes! That sounds lovely."
"Wonderful! Erm, Guillermo, go fetch us some…picnic supplies. Human foods, and such." He attempts to wave him off with a lazy wrist flicking gesture.
"Yes, and I will go with him." Nadja and Laszlo exchange glances.
"Marwa," Nadja interjects hesitantly. "Wouldn't you rather, um, go help Nandor get dressed?" She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "Much more fun than doing, yuck, boring human work with Guillermo." She adds a choking noise for effect. Marwas face falls, her arms clinging to Guillermo tighter.
She seems to search for words for a moment, finally settling on a firm "But I like Guillermo."
Every eyebrow in the room shoots up. Ready to witness a Nandor sized tantrum, Nadja turns her attention back to see him looking at his wife and Guillermo with an expression of pure, unadulterated…nausea?
"Nandor? You still in there, old chap?" Laszlo dares to ask.
"Shit," he replies solemnly, dissolving into a puff of smoke and a twittering of black wings as he shoots out the window into the night. Her and Laszlo exchange another look. What the fuck?
"Hey guys," Colin says as he enters the room. "Look what I can do." Placing his head and hands on the ground, he kicks his feet off and is horizontal for about 2 seconds before he comes crashing down into the coffee table, bringing down several candles in the process.
"SHIT!" The three of them shout in freakish unison. Laszlo's book is launched towards the wall as they rush to put out the fire and drag the boy that crawled out of the corpse of their dead friend Colin Robinson away from the wreckage, Nandor's weirdness all but forgotten in the chaos.