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One day, Suk Simyeong walks into Yoohyun’s office. It’s a regular occurrence, given that Simyeong is the Head of Guild Affairs. The envelope in his hands is also given the barest of glances, before Yoohyun catches the sight of his brother’s loopy handwriting spelling out his name on the front of the letter. “For you, Yoohyun-ssi,” Simyeong says, voice even as he thrusts the letter in front of Yoohyun’s face, “from Han Yoojin-ssi,” he adds, unnecessarily.
“Oh,” Yoohyun says, dumbfounded. It’s the first form of contact he’s had with Yoojin in two years that isn’t one-sided texts. He didn’t really expect it to be a letter. In all honesty, Yoohyun had wondered if his efforts to distance himself from his brother were too effective, given that he’d heard of nothing concerning his brother that wasn’t rumors or anything from the man himself.
Besides the weekly reminders to take care of himself that he doesn’t respond to in an effort to uphold his promise to himself.
“Thank you, Simyeong-ssi,” Yoohyun says, taking the letter from him. Simyeong makes no effort to move from his position. “You may leave,” Yoohyun pauses, “Unless Simyeong-ssi, Head of Guild Affairs wants to dive into my business?”
“This is a matter of guild affairs… and I suspect I may be mentioned here,” Simyeong says, before taking a seat in one of the chairs at the far end of the room, pointedly turning to his phone.
Yoohyun doesn’t really know how to answer that, though he understands the reasoning, so he opens the envelope. He doesn’t expect to find a flash drive inside the letter, with the words ‘Audio Recording Only’ written in Yoojin’s handwriting inside.
Yoohyun plugs the flash drive into his computer, finding that the name of the drive is ‘Message 1(?) To My Lovely Yoohyun.’ He finds a similarly named .mp3 file inside the drive, the only file inside the drive. He clicks on the file, opening up the recording.
The sound of his old home, the incessant chirping of bugs outside their window, the muffled noise of their neighbor's radio, and the meowing of the family of cats that Yoohyun used to pass by on the way to school, pours out from the speakers, drowning the office in its atmosphere.
There’s the sound of a throat being cleared before his brother starts speaking.
“Hi, Yoohyun-ah. It’s your older brother, Yoojin. I don’t really know what compelled me to make this decision, but… it’s almost two years since you left to pursue being an S-rank hunter.”
Yoohyun’s breath hitches, unsure why it does. Today is the day that marks two years, and he doesn’t know why he’s as affected by the notion as he is. Maybe it’s the fact that this is the first time he’s heard his brother’s voice in two years and that he’s faced with the person he left behind two years ago. Maybe it's the first time he let himself think about it.
He left so his hyung could be safe, Yoohyun reminds himself.
“And, I’m proud of you, Yoohyun-ah. Really.” Yoohyun feels happier, knowing that his hyung is proud of him, though the next words quickly dash those feelings. “But… you left, no words, no warning, nothing. I’m not sure if I could forgive that, Yoohyun-ah. You really hurt your hyung…”
Yoohyun’s heart twists, ugly thoughts forming in his mind at that admission. He reminds himself of his reasoning, the only thing that he can hold onto when he doubts his decision. It has to work. There’s a pause in the recording, letting Yoohyun hear the sounds of his childhood once more.
“No amount of money can fix that, Yoohyun-ah, I didn’t raise you to throw money at your problems until they fixed themselves… I…” Yoohyun’s heart seizes in panic, thoughts racing. ‘Who told him?’ He thinks as he thinks over all the deposits in his brother’s account. The deposits were anonymous to prevent anybody from tracing them back to him. The recording continues before he could work himself into a frenzy.
“…I didn’t raise you to lie, too.” Yoohyun flashes back to the numerous interviews at the beginning of his career where he remembers saying that he wasn’t close with his brother.
A sour taste fills his mouth once he realizes that those aren’t exactly lies anymore.
“So, why do you do it?” Yoohyun thinks of answers to the question but is interrupted by the recording continuing. “At least try and do it better, from now on…” His hyung pauses again, the sound of something clinking accompanying the muffled noise from their neighbor’s radio.
“Where was I? Oh, right. I know that Haeyeon is giving me a portion of your salary, given that the amount I gain every month from an anonymous investor is around 2-5 percent of your estimated salary. Hyung did graduate with good grades, after all…”
Yoohyun’s eyes widen in surprise at having been found out so easily, and with the near correct percentages. He’s glad that none of the undercover guards have snitched, as losing any of them would have been rather inconvenient.
“Yoohyun, I’m going to be honest, when the first payment came in, I spent a third of it on alcohol.” Before he could mentally disapprove of the action, his logic kicks in and stops him from hastily deciding to station guards closer.
“Just… it felt good to use your money to give myself a temporary respite. It may have been my fault, but I can’t deny your part in this issue between us… I still don’t remember much of that week I spent drinking…"
"Actually, I’m drinking right now.” Yoohyun wonders how his hyung didn’t get hospitalized before the last part registers in his mind. He had half a mind to go over there and stop his hyung from drinking before it hits him that he isn’t sure whether he’d be welcome back. And that this is a recording.
“So!” His hyung nearly yells, the tone so unusually awkward. “Your hyung, after that incident, decided to do something new. To find some new hobbies. Hyung got into blogging and writing articles and stuff like that. I write under a pen name so… have fun trying to weed out my works to read, Yoohyun-ah… If you want to, that is.” Yoohyun’s heart hurts even more at the tone his brother adopts at the end, unsure and careful like he wasn’t sure whether Yoohyun wanted to see anything his hyung was involved in.
“Gosh, it’s been close to two years since I last saw you in person. Are you still the same, Yoohyun-ah?” No, Yoohyun responds.
“Are you happy?” Hyung is safe, that’s all that matters.
“Hyung likes to think that you are, or that you’re trying to be. Don’t be afraid to take breaks, okay? I know that the job is demanding, but you’re powerful enough to warrant a few breaks every now and then.” Yoohyun knows he is, but he can’t afford a slip-up, being heralded as both the youngest S-ranker and the youngest Guild Master. The limelight burns bright, but Yoohyun has a high flame resistance, so he survives.
“…You’ve got all the power here, Yoohyun-ah.” His hyung says the sentence in the same tone he talks about their parents with, bitter and resigned. Yoohyun can only wonder as to the reason why. (In reality, he is denying himself the chance to dig deeper, for he already knows why.)
“Use it well, please? For hyung, or if that’s too much, for the people who you protect. …I haven’t been very good to you, Yoohyun-ah, haven’t I?” Yoohyun wants to deny it, wants to tell his hyung that he tried his best, and that he raised him well and that he appreciates him so much, but…
But, once again, this is a recording. Still, the recording pauses, and the clinking of glass and the swallowing of whiskey fill the room as the Yoojin of the past downs a glass.
“Right, this is about my plans for the next few years. That’s the reason I called. And got sent to voicemail. So, now I’m committing and making a recording. Heh, the person who raised you getting relegated to recording only. If you were in a dungeon, I forgive you and I understand. If you weren’t… well the same applies.” Yoohyun could only let out a breath, rising tension eased.
“I don’t think I’d want to talk to me, too. This bottle of whiskey is nice company, though.”
Scratch that, Yoohyun’s tenses faster than a cat upon the sight of water. The urge to deny the statement, to do something to ease his hyung’s silent suffering nearly overpowers him, before he traps the urge and stuffs it into a box for later.
“…Hyung has been learning a few languages recently, actually. I’m semi-decent in French, Chinese, Spanish, and English, actually. At least, that’s what the teachers at the programs I’ve been using your money to pay for are saying.” Yoohyun is silent, trying to think about what his hyung is leading up to. At the same time, he is glad his hyung has spent time trying to do something else. He hopes that it eased his hyung’s troubles, no matter how little.
“I think… for the next few years, hyung is going to try long-term traveling. Just, live in a few countries for a few months at a time. Be someone else, if you will.” Yoohyun’s hands grip the table hard, face screwing up into an ugly expression. (Though, Yoojin would argue he still looks handsome.) “If you think about it, we’ve been in Korea for our whole lives, even if society looks vastly different from now and then. “
“…I don’t think I can stand being here, stand being around…” Yoohyun’s heart nearly shatters, only stopped by the sound of Simyeong maneuvering in his chair and the next thing his hyung says.
“Hyung should clarify. It’s not that I hate you. I just… I look at you and I see my shortcomings, all the ways I could never live up to you. All the ways I’ve failed you.” As much as he hates to say it, Yoohyun relaxes, glad that his hyung doesn’t hate him, but still hates that his hyung thinks so negatively of himself.
“I’m going to leave the country next week, I have all of my documents processed and my stuff ready. Suk Simyeong has been helping me with that, actually. Sometimes, he tries to stop me from buying alcohol, though sometimes he doesn’t. That Suk Simyeong is really nice when he wants to be.” Yoohyun snaps his gaze to Simyeong, who sits uncomfortably in his chair, eyes hard and gaze cold. He resists the urge to yell, tempered by the mention that Simyeong, in all of his foolishness, still had the capacity to attempt to help his hyung. Even after having to deal with the rumors about S-ranker Han Yoohyun and his invisible brother.
“Most likely cause I lived quietly, like you asked me to, Yoohyun-ah.” Said person is gut-punched, wondering whether he put himself into his own situation. Whether in his desire to protect his hyung, he disregarded the effect it would have on anybody else.
Yoohyun doesn’t let himself stew in his own doubt for long.
“It’s probably cause when I leave, he can say that I’m gone to the wind, stopping any rumors about you and I.” Simyeong shakes his head, before looking away. Yoohyun isn’t sure how to interpret that in a way that doesn’t leave Simyeong in the hospital.
“So, yeah. Your useless hyung is leaving the country to go find himself, leaving his prodigal dongsaeng behind to live his own life. It’s kind of cowardly, isn’t it? But it’s the kind of cowardice only rich people can afford.” Yoohyun lets out a noise of pain, hurt by his hyung’s burdens. Still, he is glad that his hyung is able to deal with his issues in luxury.
“All thanks to you, Yoohyun-ah. Hyung still loves you, even if hyung’s head isn’t on right some days. Goodbye, Yoohyun-ah. Maybe I’ll even end up having another recording sent later.”
It must mean something that Yoohyun can only focus on the fact that his hyung still loves him, and not on the fact that this might be the last time he hears of his hyung in the foreseeable future.
“Sir?” Simyeong asks, standing once more by the door, tone questioning.
“The bodyguards aren’t willing to go overseas, right?” Yoohyun asks, thinking of ways to protect his hyung all the way from Korea.
“They’ll be delayed, eventually,” Simyeong says, voice even as always, “given that we don’t know Yoojin-ssi’s itinerary. However, it is entirely possible to station them near Yoojin shortly after he rents a location. He will first head to France.”
“Send them, then,” Yoohyun says, fingers thumbing lightly at the flash drive now in his hands. He hopes his hyung will at least bring him back some souvenirs.
And that he appreciates first class.