Chapter Text
Young-Woo had once confessed to Jun-Ho that she ‘had never thought of someone constantly like this and it was strange’.
When they’d first started getting to know each other before dating, her thoughts had fixated on him more than she had anticipated. More than whales, even!
And it wasn’t even big, ground-breaking stuff. She obsessed over the tiniest little details. It was almost frustrating the things she noticed about him, the things she couldn’t get out of her head.
She thought of the way his hair fell in uneven tufts down over his forehead, just messy enough to bother her.
She thought of the veins and muscles on his arm when he was driving. The way his sleeves would be pushed carelessly up to his elbows.
She thought of the leather bracelet on his wrist overlapping his watch and drawing attention to his beautiful hands.
She thought of the way he ate his rice, in a small little spoonful dipped into his soup and slurped up gracefully.
She thought of the way he gripped his backpack when he was walking, like he had some divine purpose.
She thought of the way he gasped ‘I like you’ while struggling to breathe outside the revolving doors of their office building.
The thoughts never stopped.
There had been a lot of new discoveries to be made over the last few months, a lot of changes to her fundamental way of thinking, since meeting Jun-Ho.
At first, she had learned simple things. Like how it was okay to talk about whales as long as it was during designated times such as lunch. Or how dates between two people were supposed to appeal to the interests of both parties, and maybe Jun-Ho didn’t enjoy protesting the ongoing perpetuation of animal cruelty towards dolphins trapped in aquariums on his days off.
These things she had gradually become accustomed to.
Now they went to restaurants that served gimbap AND other menu items as well to accommodate his tastes.
And on their days off, they split their time between her ‘unusual’ activities and other more conventional romantic outings. They still picked up garbage by the river, but only for one hour, and this was now followed by a picnic lunch.
And when they went to the arcade, they took turns picking the game. She was better at Find the Difference, but he was better at Claw Machines. He’d even won her a cute little seal which, although it wasn’t biologically accurate, was still given pride of place on top of her dresser at home.
Young-Woo was adjusting.
But so far, every little change to her routine or to her former mindset had made her…
Hmmm… happy, she surmised.
Even when it was intimidating and scary and made her uncomfortable at first. She was still happy. Seeing the smile on Jun-Ho’s face, feeling the camaraderie grow between them, made her happy.
Because she was growing more and more comfortable with him. Things didn’t remain uneasy for long when he was by her side. He always listened to her when it became too much, and he was so patient and considerate. So even when she was challenged by something new, she felt safe.
It felt beautiful.
……
……
There were other changes too.
Young-Woo had grown comfortable with exchanging intimacies with her boyfriend surprisingly quickly. After their first kiss, she’d obsessed over the feel of his lips on hers and the gentle pressure of his hands on her back. Her skin had tingled for days.
Their second kiss had been even easier. After the initial quiver of discomfort when he’d first touched her arms, she’d relaxed so much that her whole body had felt all lethargic and complacent by the time he’d drawn away. She’d been like the ocean, deep and still. Rolling like the swell of waves in the distance.
Once they got back together, things became so… natural. Surprisingly so. Autistic she might be, but Young-Woo was also a sensitive soul, and her heart was overflowing with feelings for Jun-ho.
So, it only made sense that each time they kissed she felt… lovely.
It was like the pressure hugs he gave her when she was feeling stressed. Somehow his kisses just softened her, drew all the tension from her body and left her feeling boneless.
Sometimes they kissed outside her front door after he walked her home from work. Or he leaned over and kissed her in the car when he dropped her off after a date. Once or twice, she’d gone over to his apartment when Min-Woo was out, and they’d sat on his couch watching nature documentaries. Usually when the credits rolled, he’d give her that look that she’d come to interpret as ‘affection’, and then he’d lean in slowly and kiss her for a long time right there in the living room.
Sometimes they kissed for so long that she wondered if her lips still looked swollen the next day, and she’d keep pursing them to make sure nobody noticed.
Sometimes when he leaned back after kissing her, Jun-Ho would have an expression on his face that she couldn’t figure out. When she studied the photographs on her wall, the closest example she could find was either ‘frustration’ or ‘anger’, but neither of these seemed to make sense, so Young-Woo assumed it was just one of those things she didn’t understand.
But she was more than happy to keep kissing him. Sometimes she even initiated it! It took a great deal of courage, but she was slowly growing more at ease with the thought that she could just lean up and kiss him when she felt like it (as long as they weren’t at work, absolutely not!).
Her heart fluttered when she did something so bold, a part of her afraid that she was doing it wrong, but Jun-Ho always welcomed her lips gladly, his breath catching in his throat and his hands gripping her arms firmly as if to steady himself.
Young-Woo liked that part especially. The feeling of his hands on her shoulders, on her back between her shoulder blades, on her upper arms. Sometimes he would keep them still, and sometimes he would run them gently over her upper body, his fingers stroking the soft material of her clothes.
All in all, she was very happy with those kinds of changes too. She thought she would be very happy to keep kissing Jun-Ho forever.
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Then one night, something else changed, and this time it threw Young-Woo for a loop.
Three months into their relationship, from when they had started dating ‘officially’ as Jun-Ho called it, something else shifted.
Min-Woo was visiting his family for the weekend, and Young-Woo had been invited over for the evening to watch a new series on ocean rescues. Jun-Ho had even hand-made gimbap for her for dinner. It was a lovely evening, and Young-Woo thought she never wanted it to end.
As usual, the show ended and Jun-Ho flicked off the television, turning to face her in the dim light of the room. She blinked up at him and smiled.
“Thank you for making me gimbap and watching that new show with me, Jun-Ho Ssi,” she told him with a slight twitch of her lips, enjoying the warmth of his body next to hers where their shoulders were touching.
Jun-Ho smiled at her in response and reached up slowly to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. For some reason he liked to see her ears, which she thought was a bit odd but didn’t really mind. So, she had slowly adjusted to the feeling of his touch there.
Young-Woo thought that maybe he looked a bit tired, because his eyes were hooded, and he was breathing quite heavily as he stared at her. She licked her lips and started to tell him that it was time that she headed home. Even though the thought made her a bit sad.
But before she could get the words out, Jun-Ho had leaned in, a bit quicker than his usual approach, and he was kissing her softly, sweetly, his eyes drifting closed.
Young-Woo didn’t mind. She had been thinking about kissing him when she’d seen the rows of straight, symmetrical gimbap pieces presented on a plate at the table for her. Now she finally could.
Jun-Ho kissed her thoroughly this time, tilting his head and moving his lips against hers again and again. His pace was a little faster than usual and the pressure of his lips slightly harder. With a shaky breath he drew away just a few millimetres.
“Is this okay?” he asked, the words falling in puffs of air against her cheek.
“Yes, this is okay,” she replied instantly, her lips tingling and desperately wanting him to kiss her again.
Jun-Ho paused for another second, and she thought she almost felt him tremble, but then his lips returned to hers.
She knew what ‘passionate’ meant logically, and she’d seen people kissing in public with a degree of enthusiasm that always made her avert her eyes. But without any other way of describing what she was feeling, she knew that ‘passionate’ was an appropriate term for this kind of kiss.
Jun-Ho kissed her hard, as if there was something urgent that he was working towards. It felt like… like…
Like there was no time. That’s how Jun-Ho was kissing her. As if he was running out of time and he had to kiss her or else something terrible would happen.
But… but…
She liked it.
Young-Woo thought it was… warm. She liked that her heart was racing, and her thoughts were spinning frantically. She liked that she couldn’t seem to stop herself from clenching her eyes shut and holding on to maintain some semblance of control.
Slowly she felt her pulse accelerate until she was sure that Jun-Ho would hear it.
Her hands glided up over his shoulders, trying to find something, some kind of anchor that would ground her and help her ride this wave that was plundering through her. She was riding the wave like a bottle-nosed dolphin, letting the current propel her forwards.
Still, Jun-Ho kept kissing her, long past the normal time when he would stop and pull away.
And that’s when it happened.
Feeling her centre of gravity tipping slightly as she lost her equilibrium, Young-Woo clumsily reached up with both hands until they were gripping him around the back of his neck. This seemed to pull him even closer, and her fingers slipped into the hair at the base of his skull.
When Jun-Ho registered the feeling of her fingers carding through his hair, she heard a muffled sort of groan against her mouth. The next thing she knew, Young-Woo became aware of the sensation of her boyfriend’s teeth gently biting down into her bottom lip.
It didn’t hurt. He was far too tender for her to experience any pain. But the shock to her system was unlike anything she’d ever known.
Something… stimulating traced down the length of her spine and settled low in her navel. Something charged like electricity.
And she had no idea what it was or where it came from.
Young-Woo gasped and dug her nails into the skin of his nape. It was a gut reaction that she couldn’t control. She instantly worried that she was hurting him and tried to relax her hands.
Jun-Ho released a pained sort of groan in response to the sting of her nails. But rather than pull away and detach himself, he actually tugged her forwards as if he liked it. As if he wanted her to latch on tighter.
Young-Woo’s body was in turmoil. The feeling in her navel hadn’t gone away and she felt tingly and hot.
She whimpered slightly and tugged her hands away hurriedly, growing a bit stiff with sudden tension.
Jun-Ho immediately sensed her withdrawal, and in a split second he stopped kissing her. He was panting for breath and his eyes looked hazy, but he released his hold on her until they were just staring at each other.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Young-Woo-ya,” he panted, his eyes widening in horror at the strange expression on her face.
“Huh?” she asked dimly, still overwhelmed and feeling flushed all over. Vaguely she was aware of him shifting a nearby cushion until it covered his lap, but she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was like a comfort aid. Sometimes she gripped her satchel tightly to reassure herself when she felt nervous.
“I… uh… I got carried away. I didn’t mean to… to make you uneasy. I just completely lost control for a second there. I’m sorry.”
His face looked so downcast and his eyes so sad, that Young-Woo felt her own thoughts crystallise as she regained control of her senses once more. He was bowing his head apologetically by the time she replied.
“Oh… no, it’s fine, Jun-Ho-Ssi. It wasn’t…I was just… it was very… hmmm… educational!”
He looked at her in bewilderment for a moment, but she just nodded to herself, thinking that this was a very good summary of what she’d just experienced. It was an illuminating evening. One she had to consider carefully before she knew how to process it.
“Educational?” he repeated incredulously, his brown eyes wide and soulful. She was used to these looks. It meant he felt bad for pushing her too far out of her comfort zone.
“I am not uncomfortable, Jun-Ho Ssi. You do not need to apologise.”
This was the truth. She wasn’t exactly uncomfortable. That was the wrong word. Confused, befuddled, curious, slightly panicked, and dizzy. But not uncomfortable.
“It’s getting late, and my father is expecting me home by ten,” she reminded him, and Jun-Ho nodded hurriedly. He glanced down at his lap and, sighing in what looked like relief, moved the cushion away and rose to his feet alongside her.
“Let me walk you home,” he offered kindly, and Young-Woo nodded in agreement. She always enjoyed her walks with Jun-Ho. So, the two set off, Young-Woo pushing the earlier thoughts and feelings from her head and focusing on the route they took.
By the time they had walked halfway home, she was feeling almost normal again, except for a lingering throb in her stomach that she couldn’t identify. Jun-Ho was fairly quiet and seemed to glance at her awkwardly now and again, but he still listened attentively as she described the life expectancy of Baleen Whales.
When they parted, she gave him a soft peck on the lips, but this time Jun-Ho kept his body rigid and pulled away quickly.
Young-Woo just shrugged and proceeded inside, comforted by the affectionate smile on his face and the look in his eyes that Su-Yeon often described as ‘dopey’.
She had several questions about what had happened to her tonight. But there was no use losing sleep over them. She knew her friend Geu-rami would have all the answers.
She would get to the bottom of this and figure out why her body reacted like a live wire when Jun-Ho nibbled on her bottom lip.
There must be some logical explanation, after all!
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