Chapter Text
A Cold and Breezy Day in Seoul, Early 2019
The first time Taehyung walked into his shared flat, he knew the barren white curtains and conventional wooden cabinets just wouldn’t do. It had only taken him ten minutes of setting up his vinyl player before he got to work, replacing the brown knobs on the dresser drawers with building blocks from a toddler’s playset(acquired from the second-hand store down the street- he did not actually steal it from a toddler), unpacking his collection of tapestries and vintage paintings to adorn the walls, and stringing fairy lights along the curtains. The place resembled a colouring page that fell into the hands of a toddler. A twenty-two year old, eccentric toddler with a bright, boxy grin.
His flatmate had arrived just as he was laying out the carpet, eyes bulging out of his head at the mismatch of colours piercing his vision.
“The place looks like a unicorn threw up and died.” Hoseok had stated bluntly, eyeing the asymmetry of the living room warily . “How are we supposed to keep anything organised here?”
To which, Taehyung had simply tutted, “you need to loosen up hyung. You gotta admit it looks more fun this way! Now help me unroll this, it’s heavy.”
It took both boys a decent amount of physical exertion to unwrap the giant carpet, hauling it across the hallway and letting it land in the centre of the living room with a loud thump. “So, care to explain what we just unwrapped?” Hoseok questioned between pants.
From his heap on the floor, Taehyung unleashed a blinding grin. “This, my dear hobi hyung, is the finishing touch.” he announced with finesse, unrolling the rug to unveil a kaleidoscope of yellows and reds forming a sun. “The shining star of the sunshine house!” he declared.
“The sunshine house?” Hoseok frowns.
“That’s the name of our house! Anyway,” he gestures back to the rug, “Do you like it hyung? I bargained it off the guy who owns the vintage store two streets down.” (Yes, he bargained the toddler playset off the poor unsuspecting man as well.)
Hoseok could only smile fondly. “It looks great, tae. I love it.”
Calling the rug the finishing touch might not have been the complete truth. Taehyung had waited for Hoseok to leave to teach his dance class before he unwrapped his prized possession- the true finishing touch, which he displayed on the wall next to the television with great caution. With a small step back, he admired the canvas, bright strokes of orange and pink congregating to assume the splitting image of the sunset looming over the sea. Their sunset.
Taehyung keeps the decorations ever changing over the next few months, but the sunset stays still.
Present Day, 2019
He finds himself in the same spot this dreary Monday morning. While cold gusts of air sweep dark clouds into the city, Taehyung cradles his cup of coffee in one hand and runs his fingers over the neat scrawl in the corner of the canvas.
With all my love, JK.
He’ll hear from him soon, surely.
The sound of the front door swinging open draws his attention away from the painting. “Taetae! I brought fresh flowers.” Jimin announces, dropping his spare key on the counter. Taehyung shuffles over to join him, peering over his shoulder, “What are they today chim?” he asks.
Jimin removes the wilting zinnias from its misshapen vases and unwraps a new bundle of flowers to leave in its place. “The lilacs are extra vibrant today.” he beams, and turns to face his best friend. “You were staring at the painting again.” he says pointedly.
Taehyung traces a flower petal with his fingertip, resting his other hand on his cheek. “I was just thinking.”
“About him.” The other boy alleges.
He lifts his shoulder in a half shrug, which is enough confirmation for Jimin.
“Have you heard from him lately?” he asks. Taehyung shakes his head with a sigh, but makes an effort to perk his eyes up after.”I’m sure he got my letter tho.” he says through a tight-lipped smile. Jimin frowns, surveying his face and reaching up to brush strands of bright blue hair from Taehyung’s eyebrows, “yeah tae, I’m sure he did.” he says softly, patting his cheeks lightly. “I gotta get back to the flower shop. Do something productive today, ok?”
When Jimin leaves, Taehyung decides to heed his advice, casting his eyes on the old violin where it’s mounted to the wall, collecting dust. He had placed it there for decoration, with no intention of picking it up again, but Kim Taehyung has never been predictable, so today, he tunes the violin and lifts it to the nape of his neck.
A Time When Things Were Good,a little over a year ago.
“Whatcha got there, kookie?” Taehyung crooks his head at the folder in Jungkook’s hand. The boy had just arrived back to their dorm room, a dorky grin plastered on his face.
“A gift.” He smiles broadly, kicking his shoes off and plopping down on Taehyung's bed as he clambers onto his outstretched legs “I’ve been working with Yoongi hyung to compose this for you.”
Taehyung takes the folder from Jungkook’s hand, flipping it open to reveal-
“Sheet music?” he cocks an eyebrow.
Jungkook nods his head with barely contained excitement, nearly knocking Taehyung’s laptop off the bed
“For your violin!” he exclaims, “because you’ve been complaining about how you’ve been playing the same old pieces. So i thought you should change it up”
Taehyung stares at Jungkook long and hard. Outside, the shuffles of feet can be heard as students mill around the busy dorm building. He wonders if they can hear his heart swelling. If they can feel the wind rustling through the open window, turning Jungkook’s already messy hair into a bigger tangle of knots.
The dark circles under Jungkook’s eyes aren’t as prominent today, his smile seeming a lot less forced than usual.
He looks happier than he’s been in the past few months. Taehyung doesn’t know if it has anything to do with his new gift, but he’s relieved all the same.
Slowly, he closes his laptop and brings both hands to cup Jungkook’s face, “thank you koo. I can’t wait to play it.” He plants a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth and nuzzles his nose into his cheek.
“I really hope you like it, hyung.” Jungkook whispers back, wide eyes gleaming.
A Wakeup Call, Present Day 2019
The piece comes like second nature to him. As if this wasn’t the first time in nearly a year that he's picking up his violin again. It feels like riding a bike, or ripping off a bandaid.
The sunset sits vibrantly on the wall in the corner of his eye, taunting him. The last time he played was the day before he-
No .
Don’t think about that.
He needs to get out of here.
-
Somehow, Taehyung ends up at seniors jazz night. He’s not entirely sure how he found the place, nestled between the tailor shop and the bakery near Hoseok’s dance studio. It was easy to miss in the daytime, but once everything else closed at night, it stood out. Taehyung had been drawn in by the warm glow from inside spilling over the sidewalk, the faint sounds of the trumpet luring him further in. He figured it was better here than a bar anyways. From his spot at the polished table in the corner, he examines the interior of the place, with cream curtains drooping down to brush the dark washed wooden flooring. Flickering light bulbs hang over the bowtie-clad bartender taking orders from a besuited customer perched on a bar stool, hands fixing his graying hair. The only pop of colour seems to be coming from the plush red chairs accompanying the tables.
If it were anywhere else, Taehyng would have thought the place to be too bland. But here, with the live band and a few pairs of elderly couples waltzing around, it just fits.
His outfit today is pretty bland too. He’s glad for it.
When he decides that he doesn’t appear too out of place, Taehyung adjusts his white blouse and advances toward the crowd of couples on the dance floor. He doesn’t recognise the song playing but there’s a lighthearted rhythm to it, enough to subdue the ache that had been forming at the base of his skull. With little care for the couples circling him, he closes his eyes and sways, letting the music filter through his tense muscles. For the first time that day, a smile settles naturally on his face.
Maybe he should bring Jimin here. Or Hoseok.
Taehyung remains on the dance floor for another four songs until he decides to head for the bar, sliding onto one of the stools and glancing over the menu. To his left, an elderly couple are deep in conversation, the man resting his chin on his hand as he admires his partner. He observes them until the bartender moves to take his order.
“A strawberry martini please.”
When he’s about to take his first sip, someone settles into the seat next to him.
“Why, fancy seeing you here.” A familiar voice pipes.
Taehyung jerks his head to its owner, eyebrows raised in surprise.
“Jin hyung? What are you doing here?”
Seokjin smiles at him coyly, “Yerin halmeoni invited me for bingo night.” he says, nodding toward the group of elderly women gathered at a table on the outskirts of the room. He presses his lips together. “Are you here alone?”.
When Taehyung nods his head, the crease between Seokjin’s eyebrows deepens.
“But you don’t like going anywhere alone.”
He nods again. “Yeah. I kinda left the house on impulse and everyone was still at work.” He raises the glass to his lips. “It’s nice here tho. I don’t mind being alone here.”
“Well if you would like some company, Joon is coming to pick me up soon. We could go for supper?”
Sure enough, Kim Namjoon is waiting for them outside of the bar, leaning against the lamppost with a dopey smile on his face, dimples on full display. When he spots Seokjin, his eyes light up from under his cap. “Hi darling, how was bingo night?”
“Aggressive.”
Namjoon lets out a chuckle.
“Ah, so the usual then.”
It’s then that he sees Taehyung step out from behind him. “Tae! Didn’t know you’d be here. Haven’t heard from you in ages, how are you?”
Taehyung grimaces, “yeah, uh. I forgot to reply to your messages, sorry about that.” Namjoon waves him off warmly, “don’t stress it.” he replies.
The three of them end up at a bibimbap place a few blocks away. They gather around a table near the entrance as Namjoon launches into a conversation about a trip he and Seokjin had recently taken to Ilsan to visit his parents.
“The flowers were in full bloom, it was gorgeous.”
“You know what wasn’t gorgeous? Your aunt trying to hit on me.” Seokjin deadpans.
Namjoon nudges him lightly. “She’s like that with everyone, don’t worry.”
“It worries me that she’s into men a third her age.”
“Anyway,” Namjoon declares, changing the topic, “We’re thinking of going to Jeju soon, when work is less hectic.”
Taehyung freezes, his heart skipping a beat.
Oh.
Jeju.
Namjoon pauses, sensing Taehyung’s tension. “Everything okay Tae? You look really pale all of the sudden.”
“Yeah, I’m okay.” no, I’m not.
He attempts to still his quivering lips long enough to smile, “Jeju sounds fun.” Jungkook was supposed to take me to jeju. His nails carve little red lines into his palms. “I’m sure you two will have a great time.” he grits out.
Seokjin frowns, “Tae-”.
To Taehyung’s relief, they’re interrupted by his phone ringing. Hobi hyung, thank god.
“Hello?”
“Tae? It’s late. Where are you? I came home and you weren’t here.”
“I just went out for a bit. I’ll come home now.”
Before the other two can say anything, he’s sputtering apologies and stumbling for the exit.
-
When Taehyung was younger, he used to dream about going on an airplane. He would daydream about what it would feel like; the anticipation as the plane takes off, all the little buttons on the seat, eating as many snacks as the flight attendants would provide, watching the clouds float by out the tiny window. He used to watch youtube videos of people vlogging their travels, nearly shaking with envy. Then he went to university, and Jeon Jungkook came along. The same Jeon Jungkook who promised him,
“I’ll take you on an airplane hyung! It doesn’t have to be far, we can fly to jeju island.”
Tonight, he’s flying, but for a very different reason. There’s no airplane, just specks of darkness floating across his vision as he huddles on the cold wood with his back against the door.
Hoseok had been worried when Taehyung came home with red-rimmed eyes. It was evident in the careful tone he used, the gentle hands handing him a mug of tea, and the way he adjusted the aircon to a comfortable temperature for him, even though Hoseok got cold easily. Between his Hoseok and Jimin, Taehyung was so loved. His flatmate and his best friend were like sunlight- warm, reliable, everpresent. Jeon Jungkook was an earthquake that formed a chasm in his chest. One so deep that the sunlight couldn’t even begin to touch.
Taehyung can’t pretend to be okay tonight. His face won’t listen to him, his hands won’t stop fumbling. So he gives in to the hurricanes sweeping his feet off the ground, leaving him dangling hundreds of feet in the air. It’s raining, but there aren’t even any clouds.
On the living room couch, his violin lies haphazardly in the dark, just inches away from its wall mount.
Too far away to return home.
-
Taehyung first saw Jungkook in their visual communication module. Jungkook was two years younger than the entire class, but the boy was a prodigy. He was way ahead of his entire cohort.
Taehyung remembers how he shined in every lecture, sitting right at the front and answering every question. The first interaction he had with him was through accidental (and awkward) eye contact from five rows away. Truth be told, Taehyung had gotten a little tongue-tied. He resorted to sending him one of his signature boxy smiles, and Jungkook’s eyes had widened before flitting away. Still, he caught the way the corner of Jungkook’s lips tugged upwards. That day, he learned that Jungkook had eyes illuminated by stars, and as short as the interaction may have looked, Taehyung still swears that time stood still in that moment.
It’s so easy to forget that the lights that shine the brightest burn out the fastest.
-
The Day After a Night of Thunderclouds, Present Day 2019
Taehyung has to work today. Sure, freelance modeling between auditioning for roles gives him flexibility of schedule, but he actually has bills to pay.Hence why he’s trudging to the station at 7am with a thermos of coffee in hand, courtesy of his flatmate.
Thank god Hoseok is a morning person.
But also, fuck early morning shoots.
Lucky for him, he’d cried himself dry last night, so there’s a low risk of breaking down again this morning. He had the pleasure of waking up with dried tears crusting his pillowcase and extremely puffy eyes, which is the makeup team’s problem for today, so unlucky for them he supposes.
“Hey Taehyung-ssi, you look good today.” comes a deep voice from the makeup chair adjacent to his.
Through the mirror, he pinpoints the owner of the voice - Minho, a fellow model scheduled for today’s shoot. They’ve met a few times before, and gotten along fine, but it’s too early and there’s a stone in his heart that’s barring him from small talk today.
He manages to force out a ‘thanks’ before the hairstylist whisks him away.
Getting through the rest of the shoot is pretty painless once the caffeine has kicked in, and thankfully, it’s all wrapped up by mid-afternoon. Taehyung packs his things quickly, planning the shortest route to Jimin’s flower shop.
As he turns a corner on his way out, he walks face first into a sturdy wall of muscle. “Woah, careful there.You alright? ” an easy voice chuckles, hands reaching out to steady him.
“Sorry, sorry. I wasn’t seeing where I was going.” Taehyung admits sheepishly.
“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, I was just about to look for you.” Minho blushes. Taehyung’s lips part slightly, muscles tensing.
“You were?”
Minho turns a deeper shade of red “Yeah, well, I was wondering if I could take you out for dinner sometime.”
Oh.
“Um”
Yikes.
“I’m…sorry, Minho. You’re a great person, really. But there’s someone else already.” Taehyung grimaces.
Even if he hasn’t seen or heard from said person in months?
Yes, even so.
And then he’s turning and rushing out the exit, unwilling to entertain neither his thoughts nor Minho’s reaction.
-
Park Jimin takes one look at the concealer layered onto Taehyung’s eyebags and wastes no time fretting over him. He’d forgotten how observant his best friend could be. “You were crying last night”
“I was.” Why bother to deny it?
“It was about Jungkook.”
Taehyung whips around from where he was observing the chrysanthemums, glancing over at Jimin’s knowing expression.
“How did you know?”
He doesn’t need to keep looking at him to know Jimin’s face has contorted into worry. “Because I’ve never seen you cry about anything else.”
Taehyung sighs. In the twenty years he’s known Jimin, he only remembers crying a handful of times. He barely shed a tear when he broke his arm playing on the monkey bars when they were ten, or when Yang Woobin told his entire high school cohort that he was gay and he was ostracised for the rest of the year. Tears were reserved for special kinds of pain.
“I just got reminded of something I didn’t want to remember.” He finally says.
He feels Jimin’s arms wrap around him from behind, his voice vibrating through Taehyung’s back. “It hasn’t stopped hurting, hasn’t it? Even when you send him letters.”
“What good are the letters when I don’t even know if he’s read them?” He scoffs.
“It’s gotta count for something, Tae.”
-
Jimin didn’t always show up every three days with fresh flowers. It’s a routine that has been gradually built over the past few months. Taehyung had always been particular with his house decor. This too, included his blue flower vases he had made at a pottery class he had ditched one of his lectures for on one fine morning. The vases had held a central position on his dorm room dresser, completely barren until Jimin took over his Aunt’s flower shop in their final year of uni.
A Bright Morning, One Year Ago, 2018
“ Chim chim! Your finest flowers please!” Taehyung hollered, pushing open the glass door of the newly redecorated flower shop with gustow.
Jimin’s eyes shot up from where he had been arranging terrariums, one eyebrow raised in question.
“Are you going to be paying for said flowers, taetae?”
Taehyung bounded over to where Jimin was perched behind the counter, and attempted to round his eyes and morph his lips into a pout.
“How bout a friendship discount chim? Flowers are expensive! Anyway, what are you making? Looks cute.” he answered, reaching out to fiddle with the glass bowls. Jimin swatted his hand away in an instant.
“I’ll give you a discount if you don’t touch my terrariums. They’re fragile.”
“Thanks Chim, I knew I could count on you. Now, help me pick flowers for my vase! I need your expertise.” Taehyung cheered.
It continued on until they graduated, with Taehyung coming every few days to pick up a fresh bouquet. One morning, he arrived before the store opened to find a piano sitting in the corner.
A small figure sat hunched over said piano, their fingers dancing over the keys to produce a soft melody.
With a devilish smile, Taehyung snuck around the piano, creeped behind the pianist, and-
“BOO.”
With a fierce jump, the tune came to a screeching halt, the pianist shot around abruptly to throw Taehyung a death glare.
“Jesus christ Taehyung, there are better ways to kill me.” Yoongi snarled.
“Don’t be so dramatic, hyung, why’s there a piano here anyway?”
Yoongi subdued quickly, blushing and mumbling incoherently as he busied his hands with collecting his sheet music.
Frowning, Taehyung cupped a hand around his ear and leaned down, “I didn’t catch that, say again?”
“Jimin said the flowers like it when I play for them.” He snapped.
oh
awwww
Taehyung dissolves in laughter, ruffling Yoongi’s already disheveled hair. “Hyung. You. Are. So. Whipped.” he teases.
Yoongi turns even redder.
-
New Year, Same Pain, 2019
Taehyung stopped visiting the flower shop after the incident.
Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to come in and watch a lovesick Min Yoongi wasting his music degree on a flower shop (As if Taehyung was making such good use of his acting degree). Maybe it’s because the thought of constantly cycling through fresh flowers feels like a hassle he can’t handle right now. Once everything is unpacked in his and Hoseok’s apartment and laid out across his living room in various arrangements, the vases still remain empty.
For the first two weeks, at least.
One morning, he wakes up to find Jimin already in his apartment, clutching a paper bag close to his chest. He squints at him and rubs the sleep from his eyes, “hey chim, I didn’t know you were dropping by.”
“I brought flowers.” Jimin explained, gesturing to the vases behind him, where a fresh bouquet of daffodils sat.
“I don’t deserve flowers.” Taehyung states simply.
“No, you don’t.” Jimin says lightly, busying himself with packing up the flower wrappings. He peers at him earnestly. “You deserve much more.”
-
Present Day, 2019
Over breakfast one morning, Hoseok breaks the news. “I heard Namjoon hyung managed to get in contact with the facility.”
Taehyung chokes on his coffee.
“Namjoon hyung- what?” he sputters.
The world is spinning a little now.
“One of his doctor friends just started his residency there. He managed to get Namjoon access to the team treating Jungkook.” Hoseok elaborates. More words are flying out of his mouth, things like they’re still discussing the details and they’re making an exception for us but Taehyung is struggling to catch it all. He only needs to know one thing.
“So I can talk to him?” He blurts out, cutting Hoseok off mid-sentence.
His flatmate’s lips stretch into a smile. “Tae, you can visit him.”
His coffee cup crashes to the ground.