Chapter Text
I own nothing.. except the story line.
Hermione Granger was the brightest witch of her age, at least that’s what everyone kept telling her. She however felt her big brain was a hindrance if anything. Her memory was too good, too detailed, and her mind never seemed to wander far from the things she most wished to forget. Thankfully no one ever seemed to notice the way her smile never quite touched her eyes. At least until someone did. And that someone was none other than Draco Malfoy himself.
She had been in the library for at least two hours before Harry and Ron had come to join her, they sat at their table while Ron and Harry had joked back and forth about something or other. Hermione had not participated in the conversation, nor had she been studying. She sat quietly waiting for the moment her friends would decide to leave her there. Which took longer than she had wanted. Once they had gone, she packed her book bag slowly and relocated to a more secluded area in the back of the library.
It was almost her birthday, and that always made it harder to pretend, coming up on the anniversary of the worst day of her life and all. She prayed day and night that her friends would never notice, that no one would. She prayed she would be able to keep it all in and hold herself together. Except this day, would put an end to all that.
As she unpacked at her new darkened table she heard footsteps approaching, when she turned to see the person interrupting her alone time she let out a soft gasp before schooling her features as she came face to chest with Draco Malfoy.
“Granger” he said casually with a slight nod before sitting himself next to her at her table. Not knowing what to do in this situation she simply sat down and picked up her book pretended to read it. They sat quietly together for some time, neither really reading the book they were holding, but chancing occasional glances in the others direction. While taking the time to observe Malfoy on her own she realized that he really was quite attractive. Hermione noticed that Malfoy had not turned a single page since he sat down, and neither had she.
Closing her book and turning in her chair to face him she found him already watching her. A few minutes passed as they held eye contact. “What are you doing here Malfoy?” She questioned abruptly, trying her best to sound intimidating. Malfoy took his time watching her, analyzing the fire in her eyes before he responded. “I’m not sure, honestly” he said rubbing the back of his neck with an exhale. “You looked sad, and I just felt..” his voice died off with the uncertainty of how to say what he was thinking. He dropped his head forward letting out a strained breath. Of course Granger wouldn’t want his company, even if she did need someone to be with her, and even then he had no proof of her needs. Only a hunch. “I don’t know Granger, I suppose I felt the need to come and sit with you.” He finally finished as Hermione stared incredulously at him. At least he had the good graces to look embarrassed she thought as she noted the blush creeping into his perfect porcelain skin.
After a moment the shock wore off and she threw up her defenses. “I’m not sure what you mean, I’m perfectly fine, and I don’t see why you would think I need your company anyways, you’ve never done anything but be completely horrid to me.” Hermione stated matter of factly. Malfoy threw his hands up in a show of surrender, “I didn’t think you would want my company anyway, you just seem different. Maybe not different because you have always been this way, a little bit sad, I suppose. it just seemed more today if that makes any sense. But don’t worry Granger, I’ll leave you be.” With that, Malfoy stood quickly and walked away. Leaving behind a very confused and nervous muggleborn in his wake.
Hermione very slowly packed her stuff up shortly after Malfoy left, making sure their paths wouldnt cross again tonight and feeling like she wasn’t going to find the relief she needed in a library. On the walk back to the tower she began to wonder about the strange encounter with Malfoy. What did he mean, how did he know? What did he know? And if he did know how on earth was Draco “Sodding” Malfoy the first person in her entire life to notice something… and what would he do with any kind of information he thinks he knows. She couldnt be sure, but one thing she did know was that this simply would not do. Hermione’s mind was going haywire as she made her way back up to her dorms. As soon as she got there she grabbed her toiletry bag and headed for the baths.
Once the got to the loo she filled the tub, dimmed the lights, removed her clothes, locked the doors and lit one of the joints she had brought from home with her. She slid down into the water allowing the heat to soak into her bones. She lay flat in the water, floating on her back looking up at the ceiling, which had taken on the appearance of a clear night sky. "The wonders of the wizarding world will never cease to amaze me" she thought as she watched the smoke fade into nothing. She closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of the bubbles breaking on her skin. Suddenly the darkness behind her eyelids turned to flashes of memories clear as day, her breath became harder to catch, as she drug herself out of the tub kneeling on the hard floor wrapping her arms around herself. A strangled sob escaped her as one particular memory took the spotlight.
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Hermione was six years old running up the patchy lawn of her uncles house excited to see her favorite cousin, she jumped into his arms as he stepped outside the house to meet her. They were getting ready for bed and she had begged to sleep in his room, he was 7 years older, but he always treated her like they were the same, she loved him more than anyone. They lay in his bed with the lights off talking about her new friends she made at school when she feels him roll onto his side to face her. innocently she mimics his actions so they are face to face in the dim light of his room. She smiles up at him marveling at how safe she feels, how her parents dont make her feel as happy as she is when she gets to see her Cousin. At home her parents take care of her she has lovely things and great big parties with all her friends and family, but once the people leave, so does the happiness. Her parents fight everyday, yelling and sometimes even hitting each other. They don't tell her but she knows they fight because of her, because of the strange things that happen around her. She comes back to reality when she hears him speak. “Hermione, do you want to play a game?” He asks so quietly she almost didn’t hear him. She thinks back to this very moment most of all. She wonders what would have happened if she hadn’t heard him, maybe everything would be different, but she did hear him. Just barely but it was enough.
“Won’t we get in trouble? We're pose'd to go to bed?” She asked earnestly, after all, how was she suppose to know what would come of this. “Not if we stay quiet, can you do that Hermione? Can you stay quiet for me?” Her cousin had asked eagerly. If she had been older she might have known something was wrong, but she wasn’t older, she was only six years of age and had no understanding of what was about to happen to her. “Yes, I can!” She whispered excitedly. “Good girl, Hermione, just one more thing though,” he said as he pushed her hair from her face to behind her ear letting his hand linger there on the side of her face, she looked on eagerly waiting for him to explain the game so they could play. Hermione after all, loved her cousin more than any other person she knew. “This game is a secret, so you can’t tell anyone about it ever.” He finished as she shook her head enthusiastically accepting his terms.
“First rule of the game is we have to take of all our clothes, if we are going to play like cavemen, we have to dress like them.” He said sitting up and pulling his shirt off. Hermione hesitated knowing you don’t normally take your clothes off to play but maybe that’s why the game was a secret, and she didn’t want to miss out.
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A while later Hermione woke on the floor of the bathroom freezing cold and sore from having passed out on the stones for Merlin knows how long, luckily she woke before anyone else tried to come in here, Or she would have had some serious explaining to do. After casting what seemed like an endless amount of warming charms and realizing it was now morning and she had spent the entire night collapsed on the floor, she cleaned herself up and snuck out of the dorms before any of the other girls woke up. Decided a stroll to see Hagrid before her classes would do her some good, she off she went. The fresh air and brisk walk had helped her to clear her mind a bit, and she was begining to feel just a bit like herself again. As she came up to Hagrids hut she realized he had another student with him. Sneaking around the corner to see Malfoy and Hagrid working with the blast ended skrewts. "Must be his detention" she thought to herself as she came fully around the corner and greeted them both. Malfoy’s eyes were on hers in an instant cold but questioning, intrusive and stormy with a mix of emotions she couldn’t read, and then she found herself struggling to breath, she wasn’t sure why but something in his eyes told her he knew, maybe not everything but he definitely knew she was broken. Then suddenly the world was black and she was crumbling.
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For as long as she could remember she would argue to sleep in her cousins room, and when she stopped asking no one ever asked why. Every summer she went to stay at her cousins house after that first time he asked her to play,her parents had insisted she spend every summer and a few springs as she got older and he never stopped asking again, and she didn’t know she was allowed to say no. So when she would fall asleep on the couch in her uncles living room, she would wake to him picking her up and carrying her into his room. “Shh.shh.shh. Be quiet Hermione,” he would say as he carried her. “It’s time to play again.” Then he would lay her down on his bed and begin taking her clothes off her body. She didn’t try and help him anymore, she didn’t see the point in making things easier for him.
She didn’t understand fully what was happening to her until she was twelve, just before her second year at Hogwarts she discovered a book on sexual education in her fathers study. That’s the very first time Hermione had realized she was being raped. She thought she ought to tell someone, but as she walked down the hall to her parents bedroom she wondered what she would say when they asked how long this was going on, or when they asked why she didn’t tell them sooner. Then she thought about the time the cat had knocked a cup from the counter and broken glass was all over the kitchen floor, her father had come in while she was sweeping it and started yelling at her for not being careful and when she told him the cat did it, he didn’t believe her and she couldn't put her full weight on her left leg for almst two weeks. He had kicked her in the hip with the bottom of his foot and kocked her hard to the ground. Hermione shook her head and turned back to her room, terrified to tell her parents for all the wrong reasons, she cried herself to sleep for the first of many nights.
So there she was time and again picked up from the couch, woken from sleep to play a game she didn’t want to play, with a person she had once loved. She thought he loved her too, thought he would always protect her, like the time he came to her school and beat up the boys that would bully her about her hair. She used to think he was her knight in shining armor. The brother she didn’t have, disguised as a cousin. Now she lay completely motionless as he pulls down her sleep pants and panties. She lay motionless as he runs his hand up her leg, and as he pulls her legs apart so he can see the most intimate part of her. Then he spits on her, she flinches and he does it three more times. It’s better this way she thinks to herself, when he spits on me it hurts less. Then suddenly he is atop her. Pressing down on her in her and all around her, she hates the way the weight of him makes it hard to breath, she hates the way he keeps asking her if it feels good, and the way he expects her to answer. He gets angry if she doesn’t, but most of all she hates the way it does. It always hurts, starts out painful but then after a while it doesn’t hurt as much, it doesn’t ever feel good, but it’s not always bad either and she hates that the most. The way she can’t control her body.
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Hermione woke again, this time on the couch in Hagrids hut. With Hagrid and Malfoy looking down at her, faces ashen and worry clear across them both. Hermione realizes she is drenched in sweat and must look quite the sight.
Great. Hermione thought, knowing she would have to answer for this, or go to the hospital wing and be questioned even more by Madame Pomfrey.