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“sasha! sasha, hey…” he is absolutely panic-stricken — trembling form makes a desperate effort to cup her cheek, to hold her steady. “hey, hey, are you with me?“ to bring her back to him. “you’re with me, right?”
she’s pale. she’s too pale. why is she so pale? the blood. it’s the blood loss. his thoughts race, a jumbled mess of tactical knowledge and personal feelings at play, yet no thought lasts long enough to form something clear and coherent. armin cradles sasha in his lap, staring hard through oncoming tears that cloud his vision. steam emits from charred skin as the regeneration process begins, now that he has fulfilled his duty. as soon as he learned of sasha’s condition, time completely stilled.
there was no one to keep her from him.
sasha groans.
he chokes back a sob; feels the weight on his chest lift as the brunette’s eyes flutter; unfocused, at first. “h-hey! sasha?”
then those big, beautiful brown eyes are able to find his. “a… armin?” she croaks, lips chapped and dry.
the hand that returns to her cheek is stained with her blood. “hi.”
“fuck …how bad is it?”
he laughs. she already sounds back to herself, despite the scare. “bad enough that I…almost…” a shaky intake of breath as he admits, “jeopardized this entire operation?”
her eyebrows furrow. “that’s not good. you can’t be doing that.” her breathing, while labored, is doable for the moment. for her. he watches her chest rise and fall, over and over, until he feels like he’s seeing right through her. this comment, though, pulls him back to focus.
“I’m aware of that, thank you.”
“have you been crying?” she asks him of this, while knowing his answer.
“no.”
knowing that his first instinct is to lie.
her smile is saddened, and a bit forced. she is the furthest from being at a hundred percent, and her need for medical attention grows dire the more she continues to bleed —but she is trying. she wants to cheer him up somehow, with the little energy that remains within her.
so, she lifts a hand to his face, the pads of her fingers brushing over the tear stained surface, and the healing skin. at her touch, it seems, his healing time is sliced perfectly in half, and the apple of his cheeks return to their softness.
armin’s eyes widen, as he now covers her hand with his own, a display of this tenderness that is shared only between them.
“I’m okay, right? see? whoever fixed me up did real good.”
“yes, and I’m grateful. but you still need to be treated, urgently —”
“yeah, well, we can’t just magically conjure ourselves up a good ol’ doc, right?”
he sighs her name.
“careful what you wish for.”
“huh? what do you mean?”
“I, uh…” color finally returns to her cheeks. “I was hoping that I got to…that we got to…” she struggles. speaking is beginning to fall at her expense, so she slows. “spend some time?”
“oh…”
“I don’t know. I like it when we…when I play a part in your plan.”
“don’t be silly. you always do.”
“yeah.” snuggling her face into his chest more comfortably.
he knows what she means, though. battle plans where they work together and it becomes a more hands-on, side by side kind of thing.
“armin?”
“hm?”
“I don’t feel too good.”
“I know. stay with me, okay? just…hold on a little longer.” he squeezes her hand a little tighter, holding the precious limb against his chest. she can feel his heartbeat, and the way it races; the way it rages.
the first person she sees when she is able to walk again is armin.
okay, and she may be pushing it. like, a day or two early. but what’s twenty-four to forty-eight hours, really, if you’re just in bed the whole time?
“sasha!”
and he sees her before anyone else does, closing his book shut. nearly knocks his chair over just to get to her, pulling her into his arms albeit so gently . “oh, sweetheart…why are you out of bed? you shouldn’t be walking all by your lonesome, especially this late.” and despite his words, he has yet to release delicate hold of his love, sighing into her shoulder as she clutches his back.
tears prick at her eyes. she blinks them back, closing them in this moment. “I wanted to see you. figured you’d be here?” an uneasy giggle follows.
they have yet to part.
“of course. I should have been with you tonight. I…I wish I could’ve—”
in midst of babble, sasha pulls back in slight; only slight, to silence him with her lips instead. to ease the very worries she knows are coursing through him as they speak. “no,” she breathes, threading digits through the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck. “I couldn’t wait another night. gets lonely. kinda old...”
armin cups her face, keeping her there. “I was with you every night.” shaking his head. “even when you didn’t know.”
“you were?” she believes him. when she was awake, he was always there, with those calm, sea hues and that gentle smile she’s absolutely smitten with. he was always reading, or slouched over in his chair, slumbering peacefully by her side.
“I was. even while you slept…”
“I was sleeping a lot.” she’s not happy with that fact.
“I know. you needed to.”
“I know.”
“do you need to sit? are you in pain at all? let me check your bandages…” he’s in full doctor mode, guiding her over to his desk with a hand at the small of her back. he quickly picks up the fallen chair and sets it neatly for her, gesturing for her to take it. she has no choice in the matter.
giggling softly, sasha follows behind him closely, running her fingers up his sleeve. “you sure you don’t want me on higher elevation, doctor? might be easier for ya.”
he blushes faintly in the candlelight. “hm? oh! well…I mean…” he clears his throat. “sure. whatever you’d like.”
she decides his desk is the better seat, lifting herself about an inch or less as she scoots back onto the wooden surface. armin moves his paperwork aside, hovering just over her. when he finishes, he rises to his full height and appraises her evenly; closely.
their gazes linger for a moment. armin’s hands smooth over her thighs and she sighs, wishing that it was her bare skin in place of this long skirt. suddenly, she feels as if she is overdressed.
“may I?” he breathes, sweetly.
she gives him a shy smile, and nods.
the tactician’s fingers undo the first button of her blouse. she cannot seem to take her eyes off of him as he works with diligence. the room is warm; comfortable. the draft that meets her skin as he continues to expose it doesn’t affect her as dramatically as it would have.
armin pauses, randomly, his gaze flitting back up to meet hers. he is on the second to last button, surprised that she’s come to him with - “no bra?”
she blinks. “yeah? is this gonna be an issue?”
shaking his head, amused by her. “not in the least.” blush remains ever present on his cheeks as he pushes soft fabric down her shoulders, and he can’t help but come back to caress them. she sighs again. now topless, sasha watches as armin’s gaze drops; sees the way they linger at her breasts, before his focus resumes on the task at hand.
her bandages are located just beneath her mounds. armin kneels.
“do you want me to… hold them?” she offers, folding an arm over her bosom anyway. armin hums, thanking her quietly. she misses the moment he must have put on his glasses, for the spectacles now sit upon the bridge of his nose. the way his hands glide over the gauze is nothing short of professionalism. it amazes her how quickly he can switch from being her boyfriend to her personal nurse, and perfectly balance the two.
“have you been experiencing any soreness?” he asks, now seated in the chair. he’s positioned towards the edge of it, for effectiveness.
“yeah. no more than usual, I guess…”
“how would you rate your pain from a scale of one to ten?”
“eh. it’s about a five or six.”
“I see. the spotted bleeding seems to have stopped, which is good.”
he is… so attractive.
“kinda sucks not having titan powers right now.”
“what makes you say that?”
“I could use some super healing right about now.”
he chuckles. “contrary to what you may believe, that’s something that has always been the least of my concern.”
“how come?”
“well. when I’m out there on the battlefield, I can’t spend too much time wondering if I’ll heal from something. I’m expendable.”
he strikes a nerve. “don’t say that.”
“sasha…”
“don’t,” she pleads. “I know what we signed up for. I do. I just..I hate hearing you talking about yourself like that. like…like you’re just another pile of ashes.”
he remains quiet. he doesn’t quite meet her gaze again; not while he picks up her fallen blouse and pulls it back over her shoulders. she doesn’t like the feeling gnawing at her chest. she’s ruined this. she’s taken an intimate moment and turned it sour.
“armin,” she tries, quietly. when he doesn’t respond immediately, she closes a fist around his shirt, gazing, unseeing, at her lap. she cannot help the way she feels; she very well knows what it’s like to be in a space where she doesn’t belong. feeling useless around a group of people who are idolized with impossible standards, yet they exceed them every time.
armin’s mindset towards himself is a tricky one. he knows his worth intellectually , but when it comes to him as an actual person and the way he truly feels about himself?
their foreheads meet, s o f t l y, in the middle.
“I know,” armin whispers, running a hand up the back of her calf.
he’s still working on that one.
“is it a…bad idea to make out?”
that gets a chuckle out of him. mood restored. “yes.” brushing his nose against hers, back and forth. “and believe me. I want to.” voice low, husky. her body instantly reacts to it. “but I am a gentleman. I can wait.”
she doesn’t want him to be a gentleman! “aw, man…can I not tempt you at all?” she’s playful at first, but then her tone too changes, and she’s grabbing at the hand nearest her thigh. she then places his over her blouse, slips beneath the little that remains that covers her; squeezes flesh with clear intention.
she enjoys watching desire darken his eyes, dilate his pupils.
“I’m not sure I…understand what exactly you are insinuating here.”
“I think you do.”
“I think you’re craving something more than just ‘making out’.”
“...so what if I am?”
“sasha. that’s dangerous.”
“live a little.”
“live a little? I’m not risking hurting you further.”
she actually ponders about this. “I’m sure I can take it?”
“oh my god.”
“please?”
“sweetheart—” pinching the bridge of his nose. “we’re not having this discussion. I’m not touching you until your bandages come off.”
“fine.”
“okay?”
“okay. I get it. I’m dumb.” a stubborn huff; pouts as she begins to button herself back up. no need for her to embarrass herself further.
“hey. I never said that...” gently pushing her hands away to do it himself, armin places a chaste kiss to her forehead. “as much as I would love to give in to you, temptress, we both know the repercussions should we choose otherwise.”
“I’m willing to take that chance.”
“you’re insatiable.”
“can you blame me?”
armin’s never been a… cocky individual, but the way his lips curve now just does something to her. if stroking his ego like this is gonna give her what she shamelessly craves, she’ll sure be stroking something else -
“c’mon.” taking both of her hands in his as he rises, armin hovers an arm behind her back as she begins to push herself off the desk.
she is, understandably, puzzled. “where we goin’?”
“where do you think?” he winks. oh yes. he is definitely playing with her feelings. “back to the hospital wing, crazy.”
she huffs, cheeks rosy in the dimming light.
soon.