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IN FEAR, I watched you run away from me for the first time. You seemed so afraid like you'd seen a ghost. Your legs carried you through the forest fast, but I kept following you at a steady pace. No need to rush. I always get my way in the end anyways. So eventually I caught you and I took my time to watch the mix of emotions gathering in your face. Stupid me. Didn't know how to deal with you back then. But I thought it was that. That I'd won. So easy.
But in despair I watched you walk out for the second time. I'd done something terrible, something horrific in front of you, and maybe you thought I'd do the same to yourself. But I would never. I'd seen so much inside your mind, so much potential to be explored. I wanted to show you all these possibilities. I wanted you to be mine.
In hate I watched you run away for the third time. Our fates would probably be different if the ground hadn't opened up right in front of us. Would you have killed me right then or tended to my wounds? Would you have stayed if I had used the right words? Because I felt so much, saw so much inside your eyes at the edge of that cliff. Did you too? Or was it just in my naive head?
I didn't see you leave for the fourth time. It never occured to me there would even be a fourth time because you were the one who came to me back then. You offered yourself freely after so much shared between us that month, and I thought you'd finally understood me, chosen me. We fought together, side by side, and you were right there for heaven's sake, so beautiful. You could've said yes and been with me, I know you wanted to, but I was wrong again. The Force was too much and everything went black, so when I woke up, you were already gone.
Disappointed, I saw you leave for the fifth time. I was defeated, alone, heartbroken, and you sealed the deal by shutting the Falcon's door on my face. I almost got up and forced myself through the Bond to plead for your compassion one last time. Could you feel how much I needed you?
In astonishment, I watched you retreating back for the sixth time. It was right there, the proof of your potential, the purple lightning shooting off your fingertips, the balance between our combined powers. In the harsh desert sun, you looked at me like I had the explanation for what had just happened. I had. But you didn't stay longer to listen to me. You never do.
In denial, I saw you leave for the seventh time. This time you stayed back long enough to listen. I took my helmet off so you could remember our intimate moments back when you were lost somewhere in the Galaxy, unsuccessfully looking for answers you could've found in me. You were almost at arm's reach. My fingers itched to throw all those troopers off the ship just so I could have you just for myself back then, to touch you properly like we were supposed to. But I brought some bad news, and your stupid friends got in the way again, so you left in great style leaving an even greater pain in my heart.
In conflict, I watched you run away for the last time. There were only the two of us, lost in a storm, fighting like there was even a chance of one of us winning the battle. There wasn't. Even when you pierced my ribs with my own saber, sentencing me to death, you were defeated too. Because none of us could ever really win unless we let go of the pain that kept us back the most. So as you healed the wound on my stomach, another one reopened in my heart. You walked away, stole my ship like the little smartass you are and left me to deal with this one on my own.
And it changed everything.
Despite it all, I never mind seeing you go. There is always this myriad of awful feelings towards me, but I guess I'm used to receiving them. Am I pathetic? Probably. But watching you run further away from me only means that I had the opportunity to have all these precious moments with you. Maybe they weren't ideally good, and I hope you can forgive me for that, but they led me here to where you always wanted me to be.
Will you forgive me for doing it just this once?
I promise it will be just this time. I promise that you won't have to deal with the pain of watching the person you want the most to turn their back on you again. But it's something I have to do. Because I can't bear to watch you leave again, not like this. You're so cold and pale, and I can't fucking feel you anymore, even though I finally have you in my arms. You brought light back into my life, so now I must give it back to you. Promise you'll keep it lit for me?
I wanna believe you will. I can see this light in your eyes when you finally open them, warm and alive and so full of hope. Please, don't give up on hope after this. Don't forget about the feeling of my lips on your lips, or the way I smile just for you. Please, don't forget about me. I'm sorry if I'm the one now who can't stay longer to explain what's going on and I'm sorry I didn't manage to get my way this time.
But know that I'll always be with you.
Goodbye, my love. My dyad.