Archive of Our Own

Women are beautiful—objectively speaking. 

They have beautiful lines and curves and edges and there’s a superior way that feminine energy triumphs over everything. They’re all unique pieces of art. 

The woman on the screen is oozing over exaggerated sensuality, demure and dirty in the same blink of her eyes. Her mouth is wide open, letting out a wailing noise, and her breasts are jiggling almost painfully with every powerful thrust of her body, and she’s very beautiful, like every woman on this site.

That being said, Louis isn’t watching the porn video for her. Or any woman, for that matter.

Towering over her, in all his god-like naked beauty, is Harry Cawke. Despite the ridiculous name that was admittedly stupid and an actual turnoff, he‘s entirely convinced that Harry’s the most perfect human being he’s ever laid eyes on. 

Tendrils of dark brown curls were bouncing in front of his forehead, masking his furrowed brows, and even the sight of his big flared nose had Louis swooning. He looked like a prince, with pretty green eyes and a strong jawline, and big bunny teeth. The camera panned to a different angle, the strong muscles on his bare back flexing with every twist of his arm whenever he sent a powerful slap down on the woman beneath him. 

His cock came out of her completely, standing hard and glistening, looking huge and perfect and hot. It was a perfect dick, really. And Harry was perfect. He was everything Louis’ dreamed of and quite literally the only thing Louis’ dreams were full of. 

It focused on the woman again as Harry pounded back into her—Louis thinks her name is Lexi Sexi or something equally as suggestive and brass—before once again showing who Louis was paying to see. 

Harry’s face was full of concentration, confident, and cocky as he forced her to look up at him roughly, flashing a wolfish grin before speaking in a low rumble. 

“You’re such a fucking slut,” He huffed, all of the sounds of sex mixing together in a loud echo in Louis’ living room.

On his off days, when he had nothing to do, he was afforded the luxury to watch his videos on the big screen. The TV wasn’t really that big, but he didn’t have to hold up his phone screen until his arm got tired or sat next to the wall so his old laptop wouldn’t die mid-scene. Apple TV was the best thing he’s invested in.

Laying back and munching on chips while watching comfort porn was his at-home paradise. 

Harry was really getting into the dialogue now, completely committing to the role of a jock frat boy who stumbled upon a sneaky sorority girl bent over in his room. Louis honestly thinks that this is one of Harry’s hotter roles and the shots are great, equally distributing the frames between both of the actors.

It was at the point where Harry was getting ready to flip the girl on her back and treat her like a sex doll, fully showing his strength and his dominance in the exact way that Louis drooled over. He was completely engrossed in the scene, the hand that was feeding him chips slowing in its pace, and his mouth left dangling open as he stared at the TV in awe. 

Right before it was getting to the climax, he heard the familiar sound of a key jiggling in the keyhole of the apartment door. 

Louis scrambled to find his phone, the bowl of chips spilling across his socked feet as his heart raced and his hands shook in a poor effort to hurry the fuck up and change the fucking screen. 

He managed to find it and barely flicked over to some random Netflix movie when Zayn fully walked into their apartment. 

Zayn was rifling through his bag for something, relying on his muscle memory to shut the door behind him and walk him over to Louis. Louis didn’t take his eyes off of him, his heart still racing with nerves and his breathing a little erratic. 

“Brought you a muffin from Whoops! It’s a little old and crumbled because I forgot it was in my bag today, but it’s free. Beggars can’t be choosers, cupcake. What’s for dinner?”

He threw a crumpled white pastry bag onto their coffee table, creating a mess of crumbs. Zayn had a tendency of rambling to the open air without bothering to check if anyone was actually there. He also had a tendency to make a mess wherever he went, but he bought Louis food from expensive hipster bakeries, so there’s that.

When Zayn finally turned to look at him, his gorgeous eyes scanned Louis easily before his beautiful face dimmed in disappointment. “You’re watching Harry? In our living room? On a Tuesday afternoon?” 

He tossed his bag in the direction of the accent chair far off by the corner before slumping down next to Louis. 

“You weren’t supposed to be here until seven,” Louis muttered, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to avoid any sort of physical contact with Zayn. 

His roommate wasn’t phased in the slightest and let his body sink into the uneven cushions of their couch, eyes closed and limbs sprawled out like a starfish. ”I can’t believe you. You dirty little perv. If there’s jizz on the couch, I’m going to send you to rehab. Actually, I’d be more relieved if you were jacking off because then that would mean you were watching porn normally.”

“God,” Louis groaned in embarrassment, hiding behind his hands and digging his palms into his eyes. “Zayn, shut up.” 

He didn’t care that he was whining, his best friend was annoying. 

"Because now, you watch it like it’s a movie. It’s one thing to watch porn and jizz yourself to it, but it’s a whole other thing to watch it just for fun. For the plot. Because you think some guy is hot. When he’s fucking women!” Zayn laughed, squeezing at Louis’ knees as the other boy tried to kick him away. He was taking advantage of all the knowledge he had and using it against Louis. 

“He’s not even a gay pornstar. You watch straight porn. You’re the gayest person in the world. You’ve never even looked at a pair of tits on accident and yet, you’re out watching tits because Harry Cawke’s got his cock between ‘em.”

“Don’t say his full name,” Louis complained, a cringe working its way through his body. 

“His name should ward you off, fucking ridiculous is what it is,” Zayn grumbled, burrowing his face between the back cushion and Louis’ thigh. He’s not even sure how his best friend managed to squeeze himself into that position. “It’s not even that hairy.”

“He’s perfect.” 

“He's no Hugh Jackman, but he’s decent. Which video was it this time? Was it the Hung Lifeguard one? Or the CEO playing with his secretary?”

Louis honestly thinks they need more boundaries between them. He doesn’t even know when they’d crossed those boundaries. He doesn’t think any level of embarrassment that he’s feeling would amount to how embarrassed he should be. 

“The Frat Boy one,” Louis fessed up a second later, scrolling through his phone. His Safari was still open to the porn tab and it’d be a waste to watch the video without being able to listen to Harry’s dirty talk. Zayn couldn’t see him look though the photo stills, but even if he could see his phone, it wasn’t anything that Zayn’s never seen before. 

It’s all Zayn’s fault anyways—for always being in Louis’ business. 

Zayn made a noise of agreement. “A classic, that one.”

Louis rolled his eyes, staring at the shaved blond head on his lap. If he had hair, Louis would’ve pulled at it until he shut up.  

“Girls are obsessed with singers in boy bands,” Zayn continued. “Louis’ obsessed with boys in straight porn videos. A little pornstar groupie.”

“Jesus, you’re awfully chatty today. Was work that fucking bad?”

“Work was shit. I fucking hate everyone. I have to do some sort of presentation and I have to put in statistics, so you’ve got to help me. I think I’ve forgotten how to add double digits.”

Louis giggled, turning his attention away from his phone and letting his fingers sift through the tiny little bristly hairs on Zayn’s head. “For the sake of your job and our flat, I’ll make sure your presentation is flawless.” 

As soon as they graduated, Zayn scored a good paying job working for an animation company because he lied on his resume and said he was able to do math. Not very many people who work in the arts are able to math apparently. Louis took the credentials exam for him and Zayn’s job acceptance email chimed sixteen hours later. 

It wasn’t even the first time they’d done something like that. Again, they should probably discuss healthy boundaries and codependency and being responsible adults.

“You’re a Godsend, babe.” Zayn’s words were starting to roll together with sleepiness. 

“Of course I am, love. God kissed me right on the mouth.”

“I’ve kissed your mouth before. I bet I could do a better job fucking you than Harry.”

They’ve made out plenty of times and each time, they couldn’t get further than a little tongue without bursting into giggles. Louis wouldn’t let Zayn fuck him anyways. 

“Zayn, shut up.”

“I pay the Netflix bill, you pay the PornHub bill. We’re a team, baby. The dream team.”

Louis did actually pay for the PornHub bill and it was definitely another weird boundary that they had—sharing the same account and inevitably seeing what the other person got off to. 

Zayn was starting to doze off as Louis was thinking of a new password for their account. He could go without Netflix if Zayn retaliated against him, so long as he had Harry and his videos. 

It wasn’t even just his videos that Louis was so enthralled with in all fairness. 

Because aside from being a phenomenal pornstar, Harry also had a tiny cult-like following on about every single social media app out there. He was hot as fuck and he was always posting pictures of himself and what he was doing, with funny little captions and cute quirks that made him even more attractive. Not only did he have a nice dick, he had a nice personality too. 

Maybe Louis’ crush was a bit obsessive. Maybe. 

The majority of Harry’s followers were women with crushes and fantasies just like Louis, except they commented on his posts as if they knew him personally. It was weirdly invasive, even Louis could recognize that. 

Other girls made typical passes at him, begging for a chance and for Harry to check the pics they’ve sent in his DMs. Those girls were probably worse. A lot of them were into Daddy kink and being tied up and they all were ignored. 

So Louis wasn’t too crazy. 

Louis was watching Harry’s story, a shirtless promo pic for a new video squished in between the little tidbits of Harry’s day. He had a smoothie, he gave a fifteen-second review of something that came out in the theaters recently, he had sushi for dinner. 

Zayn’s soft snores were lulling him to sleep and he could feel his eyes start to become too heavy to keep open. The last thing he thought about was if Harry liked gouda cheese or not.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Zayn’s presentation went amazing and if Louis couldn’t figure that out from the thousands of all-caps texts and exclamation marks sent to his phone, he heard all about it the minute they both got home.

And if he still didn’t get the hint, he listened to Zayn’s rambles on the way to the bar. And then he listened to it over their first drink.

It was Friday and Louis normally liked to be home before eight because usually Harry did a livestream around that time. Instead, he was taken to a bar against his will. Now he’s sitting alone waiting for a notification while his best friend is getting drunk and messy.

It had been a pretty slow week as far as posting went for Harry and Louis would be more worried if Harry hadn’t posted a picture of him carrying his couch down a flight of stairs, obviously emphasizing his biceps, with the caption “BIG news coming soon!”

That was yesterday afternoon and his comment section was a scrambled disaster of theories. A few people were worried that this was the end, a few more were thinking that he was moving porn agencies. Louis didn’t know what to think, but his leg was bouncing up and down on the bar stool. 

“Louis! Babe, look at me,” Zayn shouted at him from somewhere across the room and Louis turned his head with the concern of a mother.

Zayn’s clothes were on, no one around him looked bothered or annoyed, and he was having a good time. Louis sent a wave, receiving a few in return from the two girls bumping against his friend’s hips. The bartender was filling his glass of water when the notification banner came across the top of his phone, scaring him away from the Wordle. His fingers clicked away automatically and when the shitty service finally loaded the Instagram video, he felt his heart swoop.

Harry was walking down a neighborhood, street lights illuminating his face every other stride. He looked so fucking good, his curls were loose and coiled across his forehead and his hoodie was big and comfortable looking. He looked like a boyfriend.

“Hello everyone! It’s me, Harry,” his voice sounded over the phone and Louis giggled in a stupid stupor of giddiness. Harry always introduced himself, as if no one following him on Instagram or any other platform knew who he was.

Louis’ feet were kicking in excitement. He knew he looked ridiculous and the squeals he tried to contain were probably what drew the bartender away, but he didn’t fucking care. This was important.

“Sorry about my little disappearance this past week, I hope no one has missed me too much. Anyways, I’ve got really exciting news that I’m going to be sharing with you all right now. Obviously right now, right?” 

Harry scrunched his eyebrows and it was hard to believe that this goofball was the same guy who was a fucking casanova. “Right, so I moved! I spent the whole week shuttling boxes around and getting settled in my new apartment. It was pretty hectic because, like, my best mate crashed our U-Haul. Everything’s fine now, it was actually really fucking funny. And he also broke our table. Well, technically we both did, but he pushed me first.”

Harry’s run-on stories were Louis’ favorite things in the world. 

“Anyways, what was I saying? Oh, yes, I’ve moved. I feel like that’s not what you guys are excited to hear though. Should I keep dragging it on orrrr…..” Harry was dramatic and silly and he was making himself laugh, walking alone down a street, his dimple on display, and he was everything Louis’ dreams were made of. “Alright, alright, settle down. I think there’s a time limit on story videos, so I’ll come out with it. I am going to be an OnlyFans creator. Is that what they’re called? Well, whatever the term is, I’ll be on OnlyFans and I’ll be making exclusive content on there, stuff that will cater to you guys more and be interactive. I mean, it was only a matter of time before it happened, right? So, yeah. Exciting, right?”

The video buffered for a second. 

“I’ll attach the link to this and hopefully you guys can subscribe. I’ve got special stuff waiting for you there and even better stuff planned. I really appreciate all your support, I couldn’t have done this without you, and, uh, yeah. Thank you, bye!”

The next story was a black screen with white, all-caps letters.

“I LIED, I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO ATTACH THE LINK TO THE VID. SO HERE YA GOOOOO!!” 

There was a couple of random emojis thrown in there, with an even more random gif of a whale splashing across the screen, the link right on the very bottom.

Louis’ internet wasn’t fast enough.

Louis tried to click it a thousand times, but nothing. 

It was time to go home. And it was probably time for a phone upgrade, but there were only so many things he could pay for at a time and he had priorities. 

Paying the tab was easy enough, one drink for Louis and about a thousand for Zayn, but getting Zayn away from the dance floor was not. He had to chase him down, apologizing and sending embarrassing smiles to every person Zayn crashed into in his haste to get away. Luckily, the people around them weren’t too deterred.

“Zayn, stop fucking running away, Goddammit!” Louis hissed when the other boy was finally in arms’ reach; close enough for his inebriated giggles to taunt Louis, close enough for Louis to wrangle his neck.

“No! Unhand me, you scoundrel!”

Zayn was a fucking idiot when he was drunk. He was beautiful and annoying and only amusing when he wasn’t a liability to himself and everyone within a thirty-meter distance. 

“Zayn, please,” Louis whined as blondie kept squirming in his hold. They were both going to fall and eat shit if he wouldn’t keep still. “It’s hot in here and I want to go home. Pretty please.”

He stopped wiggling around to stare at Louis’ attempt at a puppy face. He couldn’t tell if it was working or not because Zayn’s face was blank in concentration. 

“Oh, Louis,” Zayn sobbed as he threw his body on him. “You’re so beautiful. So, so beautiful and precious. You’re so beautiful, how could I ever deny you anything?” 

He let Zayn go on about who the fuck knows what because it was easy to manuver him out the door and honestly, it was nice to hear about how pretty he thinks Louis is. He used Zayn’s card to order the Uber home because they were all about spending money on each other and if Zayn were sober, Louis thinks he’d want to pay for it. 

“I think those girls, Penny Lane and Lucy Diamond are their names. They wanted me to join their throuple. Do you join a throuple or do you become a throuple?”  Zayn was swinging from a streetlight post, clumsy and silly, but not injuring himself, therefore earning him his independence privilege. Their Uber would be here soon. Hopefully. 

“I think their names are just Beatles songs, love,” Louis muttered to him as he went back to rewatching Harry’s story. 

“No way the Beatles wrote songs about them.” 

“Of course, love.” 

He was on his third run-through of the video when he noticed a familiar sign in the background of Harry’s frame. His eyes crossed over before bulging out and he felt the world freeze for a moment. Was this what an out-of-body experience felt like? 

Maybe he was going crazy. There was no way that the neon purple and yellow sign with the ITALICS Whoops! ITALICS logo on it was behind Harry. There’s no way. No way that Harry was walking down a street that was a seven-minute and forty-two-second walk from Louis’ apartment. No.

Except it fucking was. 

“Zayn.”

He was still spinning around the lamppost, chatting to no one about some sort of anime character, completely ignorant of the sheer panic running through Louis’ blood.

“Zayn.” He tried again, the drunk boy freezing in his tracks and looking at Louis with wide eyes.

“Are you okay?” 

“Zayn,” Louis said again, holding his phone out as he took two large and swift strides toward him. “Zayn, look at this very closely, and don’t bullshit me, alright?”

“Louis, you’re scaring me,” Zayn whimpered, clutching onto Louis when he lost his balance. He squinted at the tiny phone screen, body bent and swaying. “What am I supposed to be—Oh shit.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Zayn burped right next to Louis’ cheek before his face twisted in disbelief. “I think,” he hiccupped. “I think that you know what I’m thinking like I know what you’re thinking.”

"It’s not the same place, right? Tell me it’s not the same place.”

“It’s the same place. Wait, it’s not the same place. Repeat what you want me to say, I think I fucked up my lines.”

“This is awful,” Louis whined. “Please tell me this is a nightmare. How am I supposed to live my life knowing that Harry lives here now? He could be anywhere.”

“He could be our neighbor. Or our landlord. Doesn’t he have a porno like that? Sexy.” 

“This is serious, Zayn. I think I’m going to die.”

“Babes, I don’t know what the problem is. The love of your life is within his dick’s distance, now is your chance to woo him with your beautiful face and your pretty blue eyes and big heart and your delicate bird bones and—”

“I’d rather jump in front of a car than bump into the straight pornstar I’m obsessed with—”

A loud honk startled the both of them, a woman with big glasses and bug eyes sitting in the driver’s seat of a black SUV. She was flailing an annoyed arm around. “Are you two going to get in the Uber or should I cancel your ride?”

“That’s a little fucking rude, innit?” Zayn was riding the mean wave of drunkenness now. 

“Let’s not do that, just get in the car, okay?” 

Maintaining peace during the car ride while he was also turning his head every second to scan the streets and cars and windows for any sighting of Harry was harder than Louis realized. Work wasn’t even this stressful. Their Uber driver—Fiona—hardly kept her eyes on the road as she kept eyeballing Zayn through the rearview window, her face only getting worse as he continued to be passive-aggressive.

The walk up to their flat was more stressful, every noise could possibly be Harry. He could be the downstairs neighbor or the upstairs neighbor or the next-door neighbor or even the ground-floor neighbor and he could walk right out into the staircase and bump into Louis, who looked sweaty and gross from dealing with the toddler that Zayn has become.

Even in the comfort of their apartment, Louis didn’t feel safe. He drew the curtains shut, made sure the door was locked four times, and tried to be as quiet as possible because what if Harry actually was a neighbor and hated noise? 

“Stop fucking stressing out, it’s ruining the vibe I’m trying to create.”

“Where’s your laptop? I’ve got to set up an OnlyFans account.”

“‘M starting to get horny.” Zayn threw himself on the ground, creating a loud thump that had Louis’ eye twitching in annoyance. “Will you kiss me a little bit?”

Louis wasn’t drunk enough for that. 

He left Zayn to groan to himself on their shitty carpet while he brought out the fancy laptop Zayn’s job gave him. He contemplated staying in the silence of an enclosed space, but he needed comic relief so he sat on the couch with Zayn at his feet. 

“Can you put it on a video for me then?”

Louis kicked Zayn in the shoulder. On accident. Zayn didn’t even feel it. “Does OnlyFans show your location? Like if I made an account, will my location pop up so Harry can see it and then be grossed out and move away from here?”

“Reckon that wouldn’t be smart. Isn’t OnlyFans only for creeps?”

“Thanks, charmer,” Louis muttered, accidentally kicking Zayn’s neck. Accidentally. 

“I’m a real catch with the ladies. That’s why the Beatles wanted me.”

“What’s my card information?” Louis was talking to himself at this point, abandoning the laptop to search through his phone to see if he had it anywhere.

Still, Zayn heard his murmurs and recited Louis’ Visa perfectly. “The CVV code is 951 and the expiration date is zero-nine eighteen. I also know your national insurance number.”

Louis ignored whatever else he said after that. 

He also ignored the fact that Zayn knew so much about him. Boundaries, they needed boundaries. The subscription Louis was paying for was obviously going to be the top tier and while reading the description, another wave of panic hit. 

“We can private message. I can message Harry. I won’t, he doesn’t want to text a boy, he’ll kick me off his site. I can’t use my real name. I need a name. Give me a name.”

The mere idea of getting to message Harry was sending Louis into a frenzy, his hands were sliding across the keys and his throat was dry. 

“He won’t care, you pay his rent. And his phone bill. Electric bill.”

“I’m going to be a woman. I’ll be Lou. It’s not too far off.”

“I feel like you should use your real name. It’s a solid name, Louis Tomlinson.”

“I’m not using my name. What if we’re both getting coffee and they shout my name for my order and Harry recognizes my name and finds out how I’m in love with him and then he blocks me forever and hates me?”

“You give the baristas your full name?”

“I’ll use Lou. It’s short and cute and it’s got poise.”

“On a site for nudes and explicit videos.”

The noise of the keyboard wasn’t enough to drown out the snarkiness coming from the floor or the nerves bubbling in his stomach. OnlyFans was new territory for both Harry and Louis. Louis had a right to be nervous. He kept his username simple, lou_20, no selfie for his profile, and tried to figure out how to use the site. Harry hadn’t posted anything so far, only a single welcome announcement and the same profile picture he had on all his social media.

Louis felt like he could breathe again, there was nothing to freak out about in the moment. He was okay. Harry was fine. Everything is alright.

“Louis,” Zayn grumbled. “Louis, I think I’m going to throw up.”

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

It took approximately two and a half days for Harry to get back on his OnlyFans and give Louis a heart attack at his job. 

The poor litter of puppies surrounding him startled in fear, some of them whimpering and letting out little yips of concern as Louis tried to stop choking on his saliva. A vet technician offered to perform CPR on him and a few other people watched him the same way they watch the animals that come into the ER throw up.

“I’m going to take a minute,” Louis blurted, trying to compose himself as he took off his hair cap and ignored everyone’s bewildered stares. The long walk outside and the sticky morning air did nothing to cool him down, either. 

His phone felt like it was burning his lab coat pocket. 

Three OnlyFans notifications, all in quick succession, on a Monday morning greeted his lock screen. He was at fucking work and he was going to check OnlyFans. He prayed to everything out there that it wasn’t anything explicit.

It was a private message, the very thing that Louis feared, and it took him too long to muster up the courage to open it. 

“Hey, I’m Harry. Thank you so much for subscribing! I wanted to personally message you and show my gratitude and also familiarize myself with how the messaging works. It works like regular messaging [thumbs up emoji and flame emoji] I’m really excited for what this new chapter holds and I am so glad that we get to do this together. Please fill out the survey below about what content you’d like to see more of, answer as honestly as you can. The more open you are, the more open I am, the happier we all are! Loook forward to chatting with you soon ;)” 

That wasn’t too bad. 

It was obviously a generalized message. Harry wrote it, but he didn’t perceive Louis in any way. The other announcements were links to his socials, and his anticipated posting schedule, the first real post being tomorrow. It worked out perfectly and even if it didn’t, Louis would’ve figured something out.

He glanced at his wristwatch. He had time to fill out the survey. 

And maybe he was extremely, humiliatingly honest. Like, paragraphs in the optional comments section for each answer, full-on fanboy behavior that Louis couldn’t help but write. It was a survey. 

The embarrassment was still on his face as he walked back into the patient room and continued the deworming process.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Harry’s first OnlyFans video was the best thing Louis’ has ever seen. 

It was a clip of him jacking off, from beginning to end. He took his shirt off but didn’t even take his pants all the way off. No foreplay either, just rushed right into the frame to kneel on his giant-sized bed and got his dick out. He went straight to hurried up and down strokes from the base to right under the head. 

He looked desperate, the muscles on his torso were tense and twitching with every brush on his sensitive length, and his grunts were loud and aggressive. His low lids were focused on the camera, looking right at Louis.

Harry was so fucking hot and Louis would give anything to be the pocket pussy peeking on Harry’s bedside table. He was all gritted teeth and heavy pants, the word “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” a litany that Louis whimpered back as he ground against the folded pillow on his mattress. It didn’t take him long, he didn’t even last until the end of the video, and he watched Harry spill his load on the mattress with heavy breaths and lazy bones.

“Were you watching me?” Harry said through harsh pants, eyes narrowed and sharp. “You fucking dirty girl, you’re touching yourself right in front of me. You’re all wet because I fucked my hand and not your cunt. You’re so fucking filthy, I can’t believe you. Well, are you gonna show me what I did to you?”

Louis was throbbing again, his exhaustion blending into another round of arousal. 

“Show me how wet I got you when you were watching me touch myself.” Harry went to grab the camera, his dick still half-hard between his legs, and he panned the lens to the ribbons of cum on the white mattress. 

“I bet you’d do anything to taste it, wouldn’t you? I’d fill you up until you couldn’t take anymore until you can’t think about anything but my cock. And then I’d keep you in my bed all day, use you whenever I want to put my cum on something stupid. Because that’s all you are, a stupid perverted girl who’s paying to watch me stroke my cock.”

The video cut off, leaving Louis in a worse state than before, Harry’s words ringing in his ears.

“Show me, show me what I did to you, show me, show me, show me.”

He wondered what would happen if he did. Every girl who would watch this video would no doubt send Harry videos and photos and messages and everything else under the sun. Hell, even the odd number of guys who watched Harry would probably do the same. 

They’d face rejection, surely—at least the guys would. Because Harry was straight and had said so millions of times. In all his interviews and behind-the-scenes content and his posts on social media, he reminded everyone of how pussy-whipped he is. 

So right now, he was probably replying to the girls, playing into all their fantasies, and Louis would lay here with his sadness and jealousy. 

He always gets mopey after he gets off. He hated being alone after masturbating. Zayn would be here soon, hopefully. 

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

There really wasn’t any surprise when Harry became a top creator on OnlyFans within a short frame of being active on the site. 

He was well-known and hot and apparently, OnlyFans was a pretty popular spot for people in the adult entertainment industry. Harry was working his dick off posting content, it was almost hard to keep up with him. It made sense. 

What didn’t make any sense was the text message blurring before him on the screen.

“Why did we stop walking? Are you having another crisis?” Zayn bumped his shoulder, shuffling his balance off the sidewalk and into the bike lane.

It wouldn’t be too bad if a bike hit him at full speed. He’d prefer those fancy, expensive ones that go the same speed as a car. Maybe he’d prefer a car. 

He couldn't feel the strong grip his thumb had on the screen or hear any of the city noise that surrounded them or focus on anything other than his sanity floating away. 

“Is it work?"

Actually, it would make more sense for him to freeze in the middle of an evening walk with Zayn because of something work sent him. Being a veterinarian was equal parts wonderful and heartbreaking and Louis was grateful that he loved his job as much as he did. Stressing about emails from work when he wasn’t on the clock seemed like something a responsible adult would do.

Louis isn’t a responsible adult. Not in the slightest.

“I wish it was work. Or the hospital. Or your mother telling me about her bird concerns.”

Zayn’s mom had two birds and she took amazing care of them but never ceased to have an endless amount of questions and comments for Louis about any little thing they did or didn’t do. It was nice.

“Fuck those damn birds. What’s got your knickers in a twist?”

The sun was starting to set, everything around them was glowing orange and red, the trees were beginning to sway, and the usual rowdiness of the city was echoing around them. The litter of puppies that were dropped off at the hospital all went to good foster families, an elderly cat that was put on a weight loss plan returned three pounds down. It was supposed to be a beautiful day.

“Can you read the fucking thing because I think I’m going fucking crazy?”

Zayn took the phone, nodding solemnly. “Mercury is in retrograde. It's not you, it’s the stars.”

“Why is this happening to me? I want things to go back to how they were before, where I lived in peace. Now, I have to deal with all this mess. I can’t even walk my own fucking neighborhood without a fucking hood on because I have to worry about him. He’s invading my space.” Louis didn’t realize that he had stomped his foot a few times, but he didn’t care once he did.

It wasn’t him, it was the stars. Zayn said so.

“I don’t even know why you have the hoodie on. He won’t recognize you. He doesn’t even know you.” Zayn had a hand on his hip.

“Well don’t look too fucking gay,” Louis muttered, shoving the hand on Zayn’s hip. “I don’t want to be perceived by him. Ever. I don’t want him to ever know about my existence. I want to keep paying for his content so I can see his stupid hot face and that’s it. But now he’s gone and fucked that all up.”

“This could be a good thing. What if he falls in love with you? That would be so romantic. And at your wedding, I’ll get to tell everyone that you two met on OnlyFans in my speech. We could probably get a sponsorship.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want that happening,” Louis huffed. 

“Well, it’s happening. He’s a little too forward, though. Straight to the fucking dirty talk. No good afternoon, how are you, no chivalry at all. Not a good look.”

“I have to respond. What if he gets offended and then removes me?”

“Then we save money on the porn rehab I’m going to send you to.” Zayn shrugged. “I think you're being too fucking dramatic. I’m going to walk through the posh flats, you stay here and think of something sexy to reply with. If you don’t reply, I’ll scream and embarrass both of us in front of the rich.”

Louis watched him go in both disdain and in admiration. His best friend was a fucking lunatic.

He glanced at the messages again. 

"Thanks for participating in the survey, Lou! I look forward to doing what I can for you.” It was simple enough that it could’ve been a bot message and everything would’ve been fine. Louis wouldn’t be pissing his pants on the sidewalk of a big city. 

It was the second message that made him dizzy.

"So you’re into being humiliated?” 

What the fuck was Louis supposed to say to that? This was a sick fucking prank, Zayn was catfishing. The cameras were going to appear at any second and they’d laugh it off for the rest of their lives. 

So you’re into being humiliated? 

Yes, Harry. Obviously. Louis was into anything and everything Harry was into, no questions asked. He wasn’t too picky, not if Harry was the one who was in control. His experiences with sex were far and few, but he was certain that he’d be satisfied and sated with Harry.

He was in too deep.

He needed to drink water. 

He needed to stop thinking. This didn’t mean anything, it was Harry doing his job. It was nothing more and nothing was going to come out of it. Any little fantasy that was starting to unravel in his head was just as delusional and crazy as all the other girls thirsting over Harry. 

How did you find that out? It was an honest question. Louis didn’t know how to sext or dirty talk and the idea of trying was not the type of humiliation he preferred. Maybe he’ll ward Harry away.

The reply came two minutes later, the vibration ratting his whole body, right as he caught up with Zayn. The two boys said nothing as they continued on their way, Louis gluing himself to his phone. 

“You took the survey. You told me everything, all your wants and needs. You’re a real freak, you know that?” 

God, Louis was burning red and the temperature of his body was a steady three hundred degrees. He might burst into tears. Another text came before he could reply.

“It honestly turned me on, reading your little comments. Do you think about me often?” 

Louis’ eyes were watering with something, humiliation? Arousal? Awe and disbelief? He was starstruck and dumb. He doesn’t even remember what he revealed in the survey comments, but he didn’t want to know.

All the time.  It was painstakingly honest and embarrassing enough that Louis sent it. Harry already knew that Louis had no dignity, what else was there to lose?

“How sweet. Does my sweet girl want to watch me fuck my fleshlight?” 

Holy fucking shit, fuck. Fuck. Fuck? What?

“Zayn,” Louis practically shouted, grabbing his best friend’s arm. “We have to go home. Like,  now.” 

“What?” Zayn continued to ask as Louis pulled him along, clumsily running through the crooked sidewalks and knocking the toe of shoes against every uneven piece of cement they came across. “What the fuck, Louis, I don’t run.”

“You’re being bad. I don’t need you to get off, look at how good this is taking my dick. You’re a useless slut.” It was followed by a picture of Harry’s dick, standing tall and proud and firm, wrapped tightly around a clear fleshlight. 

Louis picked up the pace. He didn’t offer much else as they made it to the front steps of their apartment, bent over and out of breath as Zayn fished for the apartment keys. 

“You’re so fucking weird,” He muttered to him, eyeing his body. He gasped when Louis straightened his posture, pointing a finger right at Louis’ crotch. “No fucking way you’ve got a stiffy out in public! In public? Oh my fuck, Louis Tomlinson, what in the fuck?”

Louis didn’t even care and completely ignored him as he shoved past him to get up the stairs and into their apartment. 

“Louis, you’re so naughty,” Zayn cackled from two flights below him. “I can’t believe you. Harry must be raunchier than I thought. I’ll give you two some time, but I will be hearing the details later. And this will be in my wedding speech!” He shut the door on any sentences that came after that, throwing himself onto his mattress and hiding under his big comforter. He was hard, the thin sweats he had on tenting between his legs and sporting a tiny dot of wetness. 

I’m sorry, I was in public. I’m sorry, I really do want to watch. 

He hoped he hadn’t lost Harry’s attention to the toy he was using—or worse, someone else. Maybe he should double-text. 

Please, I’m sorry. 

He stared at the white background of the chatroom, swallowing his nerves and torment. The second it showed Harry was typing, he sat up in anticipation. 

“I don’t give a fuck if you’re in public. If I want to use you to get off, then figure it out. Next time, I’ll have you stay exactly where you are so everyone can see how much of a slut you are. Getting yourself all wet in public just for me.” 

Louis gulped because he would do it. If Harry genuinely wanted him to, he’d do it and risk any consequence he might face, so long as it wasn’t from Harry. 

I will. I promise.  He wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say. He was making a fool of himself. 

“You’re that desperate for it, aren’t you? Do you want to see what I’m doing?”

Please.

Please, please, please; a thousand times, please. 

It was a video. A personal video. A video, for Louis. A video. Louis flopped back onto the bed with a squeal.

The fleshlight was still wrapped around Harry, the camera panning a bird’s eye view from above, his stomach laurels and butterfly and happy trail all for Louis to see. He had one hand holding it, thrusting shallowly three times before he completely uncovered his cock. It was wet with lube and veiny and Louis is no expert in art, but he can recognize beauty when he sees it. And Harry was beautiful, every single inch of him. Literally.

“Was thinking about what you said, about all your little wet dreams. Tell me what you’re doing right now.” His voice was rough and deep, coming out controlled and confident with each slow stroke of his length. Louis felt hypnotized. “Maybe I’ll call you one day, force you to touch your cunt for me.”

He shoved his way back inside the fleshlight, one single heavy breath coming through the phone. “You wish this was your pussy, don’t you? Isn’t this what you want? To be stuffed full all the time, always fucked brainless. My very own pocket pussy.”

It ended right there, followed by one message.  “Send me something back.” 

No please, no uncertainty. A demand. 

But what the fuck was Louis supposed to send back? He didn’t exactly have a pussy or tits. Louis couldn’t leave him hanging either, he’d rather get a limb cut off, because this was the start of something. Not much, nothing that would lead anywhere, but it was the beginning of something—the beginning of the best masturbation session he’ll ever have, at the very least. 

He tried to think of something, anything. There’s no way he was going to fully catfish Harry either. Louis was neither stupid or smart enough to pull something like that off successfully. 

With shaking hands and red cheeks, he stuck a hand down his sweat. He was completely alone, Harry couldn’t see him. No one was watching him, but he felt like he had the eyes of an entire stadium on him. 

He was throbbing in his pants, warm and stiff and wet. It was relieving to finally give into his own touch, slightly easing the tension he felt, and he didn’t think he’d take very long to finish. 

He brought his hand back out, holding three fingers up to the dim fairy lights hanging off of his bed frame, and contemplating his entire existence. His fingers were slick, shining with the precum he had gathered, and it could be similar to what he thinks girls’... stuff might look like. 

The picture he took didn’t give much away, wet fingers and white comforters in the glow of yellow lighting. He sent it without overthinking; for once in his life, he was going to roll with what was happening. And what was happening was surreal and insane, but it was happening nonetheless. 

“For such a slut, you’re a fucking tease. Did you touch yourself? Is that how many fingers you’re going to shove in your pussy? You’re so pathetic, baby.” 

Pathetic was the fucking understatement of the century. Louis was at rock bottom. 

“You’ve seen my toy. Let me see yours.” 

Louis didn’t know anything about sexting etiquette, he had no idea if this was the average pace or if this is what normally went down. He’d had about four sexual partners his entire life and never did they ever do things a centimeter outside of the vanilla border. He was already exhausted, but he was enchanted by a big dick and a pretty face. He had one toy that was gifted to him as a joke from Zayn. It was comically large, a monster that stood eight inches in length, with eight intense vibration settings and five movement settings. It was purple, waterproof, ribbed, and it almost looked like an alien dick, and Louis didn’t touch it for the first couple of months he had it.

Once he had, it was hard for him to turn back. 

Still, showing it off to Harry—who had no clue who Louis was and probably didn’t care—felt intimate and weird. Is this how sexting was supposed to feel?

His tiny hand made the size of it look ridiculously large, fingers clutching the base and not meeting the middle. There was something awkward, but so fucking sexy about this whole thing. 

Louis did everything Harry asked him to, no questions asked. He obeyed this man through a fucking iPhone screen, dropped everything for him, and has never once had any interaction with him other than this moment. But it felt right, it felt good, Louis doesn’t think he’s ever been more sure of himself than right now.

A video reply appeared—this time, Harry’s face up close and personal. 

He was laughing, head tilted back and his sharp teeth on display like a wolf. “You’re serious? My fuck, you’re the dirtiest bitch I’ve ever seen. That’s what you are, right? A dirty bitch. Do you use that every time you think of me? I bet your holes are all stretched out. What the fuck do I want a used-up whore for?” 

He laughed again, a mean smirk cutting across his face. “I guess I can still use you, right pup? I’ve been wanting a dog. You’re so desperate to be my puppy, I bet you’d crawl to me right now, so you can please me. I’d keep you tied up on your leash all day and use your pussy whenever I felt like it until I got bored. I’d keep that plastic dick in your hole and keep your little puppy cunt all to myself.”

He panned down to the clear fleshlight milking his cock, a controlled and steady pace working its way up and down. Louis couldn’t even bring himself to use a toy, he couldn’t even get himself out of his sweats, rapidly rubbing off against the lump of fabric on his bed. They were getting off together, possibly in the same area code, just the two of them—it's what Louis’ wet dreams looked like and it was overwhelmingly tickling his body in pleasure.

He was a teenager all over again. 

“I’d pump you full of cum, make you full of me and only me, so the next time you think about using that stupid toy, you feel pathetic. Because your cunt is mine. Only I belong inside you, not your stupid little fingers, not some random dick on the street, not some stupid fucking toy. Only me. I’ll even fuck your mouth, have my cum drip all over your face and make you walk around like that. So everyone can see how slutty my girl is.” 

Louis’ vision was blurring as his eyes struggled not to roll over in pleasure, putting all his might into watching every second of the video. His eyes were watering with exhaustion and the pure need spiking each pore on his body. Harry’s grunts were pushing him on, the rapid pace of the man on the screen driving Louis closer to the edge of oblivion. He was falling, his body was starting to slump in sensitivity, his throat was gasping for a cure to his desperation.

“Fuck, baby, look,” Harry groaned, his hand forcing out every last drop of the very white substance Louis was craving. He was sick in the head, surely. “That was all for you, Lou. You’re my special girl, aren’t you? Be a good girl and show me when you’re all done, Lou. Show me why I should keep you, pup.” The video cut off, but Louis was crying as he finished, his body shivering and shaking and his voice the rawest it’s ever been. He came in his sweats, the unused toy right against his thigh, his phone clutched tightly in his hands. 

Lou, Lou, Lou. All for you, Lou. 

Show me. Show me. 

Louis was going to show him. 

For the final time that night, he reached down into his underwear, the remnants of Harry’s doing smeared all over his fingers. Brushing against the head of his own cock had his body wincing away, the rough trembles that had died down returning in full force, but he managed enough strength to take and send the picture. 

All for you, Harry. Thank you.  He sent, brain fuzzy with sedation.

He fell against the mattress one last time, face sticky with tears and sweat, a black haze settling over him, the softest smile plastered on his lips. He was happy.

Whoops! Coffee was a shitty tourist spot that sold everything at a ridiculous price and didn’t deserve any of the buzz it got. People who weren’t from the city were paying for photo ops and bragging rights. Their coffee was shit even with the fun colors and silly names. It was a stupid place and Louis hated it with a passion. It was pretty unfortunate that they had the best chocolate muffins Louis’ ever had. They didn’t even make them, Louis is certain that they bought them from some sort of bulk spot and put them in their own wrapping. 

He hated being here. It was too small and cramped and no matter where he stood, he was bound to photobomb someone’s Instagram photo. Pressing himself against a spot on the wall wasn’t far enough to make himself disappear. He also felt fucking ridiculous asking for a “Choco-to-You-Later” muffin. It didn’t even have a nice ring to it. 

And more often than not, the baristas never knew what the hell he was talking about. No one got the chocolate muffin, it was too simple and boring, and Louis had to almost convince the workers that they indeed had a regular, plain chocolate muffin that didn’t come with stupid extras. 

This is why he made Zayn bring him the muffins. 

He was waiting for his name to be called, watching some poor girl take a hundred of the same photos of her friend, who held up a big giant cupcake that looked like Hello Kitty threw up all over it. He had forty more minutes to kill in between a morning and night shift and it was a rough day, all he wanted was his muffin and milkshake. 

A beloved patient named Betty had to be put down today, after sixteen years that didn’t seem like enough. She was a mutt that was Louis’ very first patient when he started, easygoing and always happy to be involved in any attention, who moved at a turtle’s pace with a tail that went a hundred miles per hour. Her family was devastated and the sound of their cries and the helpless look in Betty’s eyes were slamming around in his brain. 

It was so fucking shit. Louis felt the tears coming again and the palms pressed into his eye sockets didn’t help. 

“Tough day?” 

Louis almost didn’t hear the person beside him. He blinked away the dots of pressure and the wetness from his eyes that didn’t stick to his palms. 

“Huh? Sorry,” Louis sniffed, straightening his back and turning to look at the stranger searching for conversation.

He was attractive, around Louis’ age, brown-haired and blue-eyed, with a butt-chin. Louis felt guilty for pointing it out, but it was one of those things that Louis couldn’t help but stare at. Like outie belly buttons.

He didn’t really care to talk to people, his only friend was Zayn and the few people at work that found amusement in him. He wasn’t mean, he never knew what to say. The man was close to him and it wasn’t his fault;  Whoops!  was that fucking cramped.

“You look a little down, didn’t mean to intrude. I was looking at your scrubs. Working with animals is really fucking cool, but I bet it isn’t easy.” He nodded in the direction of Louis’ body, eyeing the white lettering on the pocket of his shirt. 

Louis was still in his maroon scrubs, Healthy Paws Valley Hospital with Louis Tomlinson, D.V.M, P.H.D, embroidered right above it. His gray zip-up hoodie didn’t cover any of it, spilling his business for everyone to see. It was kind of creepy. 

“It’s not, but I love what I do. Some days are better than others, I guess,” Louis shrugged, not offering much else. 

“Guess you can say that about any job, right?” He puffed out a laugh, running a hand through his hair. He had a nice smile and he was pretty handsome, Louis wasn’t an idiot. “I’m Niall, I just moved here. I feel like it’s really fucking obvious.”

It was. Everyone who lived here communicated through head nods and short greetings, the only small talk from tourists who were too eager in a foreign land. Both he and Zayn used to be like that, when they were fresh in college, naive to debt and hour-long commutes. 

“It’s fine. Where are you from?”

Niall was nice, he was from Ireland before he lived in London, before he lived in San Diego, and before he came here. He and his best friend moved into the same apartment building, but different apartments because they drove each other crazy. He produced music and bartended for fun. He only came here because his best friend bribed him with free coffee. 

“This isn’t the kind of place I’d go for, but he loves shit like this. He’s over there, chit-chatting with that unlucky barista like she doesn’t have a job to do. Figured if he can waste someone’s time, I could too. So you’re as unlucky as she is, I reckon.”

Louis giggled a bit, following the finger Niall pointed out. A tall man stood with his back to them, wearing gym shorts with a big hoodie and trainers on. He had a hat on as well, his hair curling under the brim. 

There was something familiar in the curl pattern that triggered Louis’ asthma. 

“He’s a real flirt. Everywhere we go, that fucker always shows me up. I think it’s because he’s competitive—”

“Uh, for Louis? A Choco-to-You-Later and a Vanilla Killa.” The bored barista called out, tossing the brown bag onto the counter.  

The counter wasn’t too far from where he was standing, two steps and an arms’ stretch away. All he had to do was grab it. All he had to do was grab it, walk two steps, right in front of Niall’s tall friend with curly hair and a hat. 

Louis wasn’t saying it was him, but he also had come to recognize him by the sounds of his breathing when he was having sex and the knuckle on his left hand. He was a freak, Harry said so himself. 

Louis wasn’t saying it was him, but he didn’t obsess over Harry without memorizing every pore on him. 

Fuck. 

Today couldn’t have gone worse, really. 

His eyes were beginning to water again. 

“Oh, I don’t mean to keep you,” Niall reassured, probably because Louis hadn’t moved in the five minutes since his name had been called. “It was really nice meeting you. My mate’s got a dog so I’ll see you around. If that’s alright with you, Dr. Tomlinson.”

Louis winced. “It’s just Louis, I don’t really—Dr. Tomlinson feels too formal. I’m Louis.”

“Oops, sorry Louis. Just Louis, cool. Maybe I can get a friendly discount now that we’re on a first name basis.” He gave a wiggle of his eyebrows, teasing him like they were already good friends. 

Louis could use another friend, but did he need a friend that was also friends with the pornstar in all of Louis’ dreams? Probably not. 

“Uh,” He started out lamely, wondering if Niall’s friend was going to turn around any time soon or if he was going to be safe. “I’d really like that. For you to come in, with the dog. I’m always happy to meet new patients.”

“Perfect! Sounds like a date, Louis. See ya soon.” He gave him a wink, obviously giving him an out of the conversation. 

Taking the out meant putting himself in harm’s way—right in maybe Harry’s peripheral vision. It wasn’t Harry. It was a damn good doppelganger. Louis was fine. 

He had another eight-hour shift to get through and he needed to start making his way down to the hospital so he could enjoy his unpaid break thoroughly. He needed to get his fucking food.

“Bye, Niall, thanks for the, uh,” Louis began walking away, vision trained on Tall Guy’s back. He didn’t finish his sentence, darting for his items and ignoring any pair of eyes that looked at him curiously. 

It wasn’t Harry, it wasn’t Harry, it wasn’t Harry. 

Still, face bright red and his whole body on fire, he thought about what it would mean if it was the entire bus ride to work. He looked at Louis, he did. Even if it were one second, Louis’ paranoia replayed every single frame a thousand times. He saw Louis, he saw the very boy that he had been sexting every Wednesday and Friday night without having any fucking clue. 

What if it was him? Jesus, what if Harry actually was his fucking landlord?

The whole thing haunted him, his guilt and anxiety biting his nerves each chance they got. He hallucinated text message confessions, panicking every time he watched Harry’s new PornHub videos and rewatched the old ones, worrying that somehow Harry would find out. 

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

He thought about it every time he got on OnlyFans and had his alone time with Harry in the chatroom. 

Louis never worked double shifts on Wednesdays. 

Dr. Umar, the specialist that worked the afternoon shift, called in sick and wouldn’t be able to come in. She was really nice, outgoing and chatty in the way that Louis wasn’t, and she taught him tips and tricks that he didn’t get from school. 

He owed her, really, and he didn’t think twice when she asked him to cover for her. 

And it was easy enough. It wasn’t too busy and all the appointments were pretty standard check-ups, nothing groundbreaking. He spun around on the circular stool, listening to the talk of the techs around him. They finished with a patient, an easy anal gland expression. It was gross, but it was standard. 

“Michael Myers is not hot. Ghostface is hot. Those are facts. What are you trying to argue?” Taylor was leaning against the countertop, light pink scrubs littered with cats on them. 

“Michael Myers is hot. He’s six foot something, he doesn’t speak. He’s everything you could want in a man. Ghostface is an angsty teenager who hasn’t hit puberty yet. And he doesn’t shut up.” Amy was caging her in against the countertop.

“Ugh,” Taylor’s face twisted in disgust. “I’m not talking about the actual characters. I’m talking about the costumes.”

“Well, that’s stupid. An ugly person wearing a costume won’t make them hot. A man can be wearing the costume, would you have sex with him?” Taylor shrugged and Amy tutted. 

“I wouldn’t have sex with a man, but I’d consider it. Would you have sex with me if I were in a Michael Myers costume?” 

This was not an appropriate workplace discussion whatsoever, but Louis knew that this was some form of flirting between the two. Taylor was super gay, Amy was not. But she was into Taylor. Nothing had come from it yet other than intense flirting and longing stares. 

“I’d consider it,” Amy muttered, chin tilted high as she finally paid mind to Louis. “So, Doc, what do you normally do with your Wednesday evenings?”

What did Louis do? He went on a walk, sometimes he’d drink a glass of wine. He ate dinner with Zayn if they caught each other in time, they went to their rooms to recharge their batteries for the next day. 

In his room, he’d watch a movie. Or he’d talk to Harry and watch whatever videos Harry would send him. It’s been a whole month of consistent texting with Harry and it never ceased to excite Louis.

Harry. 

Motherfucking shit, today was Wednesday. As in the scheduled day they had been using the past month for their little escapades. Did attendance count? Fuck, was Louis going to be in trouble? Harry was going to be pissed. The thought of disappointing Harry stung his eyes.

Maybe he could disappear for a minute or two. 

“Nothing exciting. I watch a movie and pass out in my bed. I’m lame,” Louis gave a self-deprecating laugh, weak and obvious. He wondered if they could tell he was lying. 

“C’mon on, Lou,” Amy skipped over to him. “You’ve got to be more exciting. You’re beautiful, you’ve got an amazing body, you’re young, you’re smart. We’re gonna go clubbing, don’t you worry.”

Louis blushed. “I don’t know, I don’t think that’s really for me. Like, yesterday me and Zayn went out and he went home with someone and I sat at the bar the whole time.”

“Boo,” Amy groaned. “When was the last time you got fucked?”

Does whatever he’s doing with Harry count? Because Harry’s fucking him in his dreams almost every night—that had to count for something. 

“Aims,” Taylor scolded. “We’re at work. Louis’ our superior.”

He was used to the way Amy spoke, sweet like candy and then vulgar like a sailor in the next sentence. “I’d like a boyfriend, I don’t have any luck I guess?”

“Bullshit,” Amy cooed, biting the air when Taylor flipped her off. “What’s your type? Maybe I can find someone for you.”

Harry. Pornstars. Pornstars named Harry. Straight pornstars named Harry.

“Uh. Tall, I guess. Curly hair. Green eyes, and a really silly personality. Tattoos. Straight and super out of my league, because that’s the kind of shit that always bites me in the ass.” So what if he described Harry? 

It was true and he was sure if he found someone who checked all those boxes, he’d fall in love.

“Don’t straight people fucking suck?” Taylor mumbled, arms crossed and purposely glaring at the back of Amy’s head. Amy was completely oblivious. 

“We’ll find you the perfect guy, Lou,” Amy reassured, rubbing a comforting hand on his arm. “How about we set up a Tinder profile for you? Or Grindr. Or Bumble. I’ve had a lot of luck with Bumble.”

A knock sounded on the counter, all three of their heads turning to Liam. 

“Sorry to interrupt the conversation, but we’ve got an appointment in room six. I already checked them in and got their chart ready. Her name is Sadie, a three year old retriever. She’s a cutie.”

“All dogs are cute.” 

“Not all of them.” Taylor was a cat person. Until the day she died, she’d be a cat person.

Louis left the two girls to bicker back and forth, hoping that they’d finally shut up and kiss by the time he finished this appointment. 

He followed Liam down the hall and to room six, giving Liam a grateful smile as he handed over the clipboard with all the information Louis needed. 

“Please don’t get on Grindr,” Liam pleaded. He wouldn’t let go of the clipboard. 

“Do you really think I’d make an account?”

“No,” Liam hummed. “But don’t let Amy bully you into finding someone.”

“I will not get Grindr,” Louis dutifully recited. “Now can I have the clipboard back so I can treat our patient?” He gave a winning grin when Liam gave in. 

“I’ll be on my break, get one of the girls to help you out if you need it.” 

Liam was practically running away, probably skipping off to some girl who he was seeing. Good for Liam. 

Louis knocked on the door before opening it, immediately catching sight of a pretty golden retriever with a cute little bow on her head and shoes to match. She was adorable. 

“Hello there!” He greeted, bending down to her height and accepting the kisses she was trying to plant all over his face. He giggled, petting her down and looking at her owner sitting in the chair beside her. 

He fell flat on his fucking ass the second his eyes met her owner’s. 

He fell right on his ass and became roadkill for Sadie to walk right on, still licking him as he tried to regain control of his breathing. 

What the fuck has his life become?

“I’m so sorry,” Sadie’s owner rushed, standing to push her off and scold her a little. “She’s excited, new environment and all. Sadie, stop!”

He pulled her off easily, carrying her like a baby in one arm as if she wasn’t 70lbs. He held a big hand out for Louis—Louis, who was still on the ground and two breaths away from bursting into tears. 

This couldn’t be happening. 

“Hello, I’m Harry,” He said like Louis had no idea who he was. 

His voice was deep, it sounded exactly like it did on his Instagram. He looked taller from Louis’ floor spot. Louis could see the tiny tattoo on his knees, the long expanse of his legs, the wispy curls of hair spattering across them. His hair was damp, he smelled fucking amazing. He was beautiful really. Louis’ mouth shut once he realized it was wide open. 

His hand. Harry’s hand, the same hand that he used to stroke his cock and shove the girls he had sex with around. The fingers he pressed inside girls’ vaginas and mouths. It was outstretched for him to grab. He should grab it. It would be impolite and unprofessional to ignore him. 

Louis let himself be helped, scurrying to put a safe distance between them. 

“Thanks, uh.” He brushed his hands on his pants, mostly because of the painful tingles poking at him, partly because of the sweat. “It’s fine, she was being friendly.”

Louis was nothing but a bag of anxiety-riddled bones. It was a wonder that he hadn’t passed out yet. 

Harry was right in front of him, casual and friendly and so, so, so beautiful. Louis was for sure going to cry. 

“I’m Louis,” He began, searching in his head through all the steps of patient care as if it were his first day in residency. “I’ll be your doctor today. What seems to be the issue?”

Harry settled her on the patient bed, patting her once to prevent her from jumping on Louis again. Louis couldn’t help but start to run his hands over her fur again, carefully avoiding the spot near her collar where Harry’s hands were. 

Harry didn’t have to say anything before Louis found the problem. 

“Oh no,” He sighed, putting his forehead right against Sadie’s. She was so happy, it was the sweetest thing in the world. “You’ve got a hot spot, don’t you? Poor baby, I bet it hurts.”

She was whining like a baby who was being coddled exactly the way they wanted to be. 

“I honestly don’t know how she got it. I noticed her licking her left foot obsessively the other day and when I looked, it was red. Like bright red. It was scary. I've tried all kinds of stuff but I don’t know.”

He sort of forgot he was there, it must’ve been some sort of defense mechanism. Harry sounded worried, moving his hands to pull at his lips. 

His lips. The same lips that Louis would pay to kiss, that he pays to see. Louis wanted to kiss him. 

“What have you tried?”

“Well, so far, I’ve washed it a couple of times. The first two times I used her shampoo and she didn’t seem to like that too much so I used water. And I also tried this balm, but I don’t really know what’s in it 'cause she bit off the wrapper when she was a puppy.”

Louis tried not to cringe when he said puppy. Trying to keep his composure and not start humping the shit out of Harry’s leg was a challenge.

“Have you changed her food at all? Or her environment, maybe?”

Louis couldn’t tell Harry that he knew that he moved recently. He couldn’t even believe that Harry was right here before him. 

The very same man that he’s paid monthly for almost three years, that he was obsessed with, was right in front of him, breathing and blinking and watching Louis with concern for his dog.

“We actually moved here not too long ago. We’re not from here,” Harry sounded happy, putting his hands in the pockets of his shorts and grinning with a dimple. Louis wasn’t sure if his charm was intentional or if it came naturally. “It’s a pretty nice area. She really likes it, we go on walks all the time and there’s a dog park not too far off from us.”

Right. Louis’ heart wasn’t listening to his brain, rifling through every dog park he knew of in the city. 

“That’s sweet,” Louis mumbled, focusing on Sadie’s big brown eyes. 

“Yeah, it’s really cool. My best mate, Niall, actually told us about you, like a while ago. I don’t know if you remember him, brown hair, about this tall,” He gestured to the tip of his nose with a flat hand. “I made the appointment once I noticed the paw stuff. It didn’t say that you were going to be the doctor seeing us, though. I thought he made up a story.”

Louis didn’t forget about Niall, he’d told Zayn all about the near-death experience he had with Niall and the doppelganger. He hoped he made it out of this alive so he could tell Zayn all about this one.

“Niall is nice, we talked for a bit.”

Harry made a face. “He’s a shit. He broke my table—”

When you were moving. He also could’ve been the one who crashed the U-Haul. 

“—He watches her for me when I have work—”

Work. As in porn. The porn that Louis pays for. Work where he fucks girls on camera and then posts his nudes on OnlyFans. The work that gets Louis off and has him drooling and cumming all over himself. 

“—but she’s a good girl—”

Good girl. That’s what Harry called Louis when he sent him a picture of his soaked panties last Friday. Jesus Christ, Louis’ sent him pictures of his soaked panties before. 

Harry had stopped talking and was looking at Louis expectantly. 

“Uh, I didn’t catch that last part, sorry.” He scuffed his Vans against the laminate floors, kicking the toe of it roughly to snap him back into focus.

He was a professional.

“Nah, you’re all good. It’s hard to concentrate with a slobbery puppy in your face.” Harry moved Sadie around so he could see Louis better, entirely ignorant to the fact that maybe Louis was purposely hiding behind the dog. He needed to stop saying the word puppy. “Sadie’s my first dog, so I feel like I might be a helicopter owner. This is the first time something’s happened like this and I almost went to the emergency room.”

Louis laughed, still on edge but getting a little better. Talking about dogs is something he could do.

“That would’ve been a really big bill for something easily treatable. Hot spots are pretty common, especially with golden retrievers because of their thicker coat. Is it alright if I run a few tests on her as a precaution?”

“You’re the doctor, I’ll do whatever you suggest.”

Literally. Harry’s done it before. Louis coughed a few times and shook his head to rid all thoughts. He might lose his job today. 

“Perfect. May I have you hold onto her body while I check her ears really quickly? Most dogs don’t like the feeling.” 

Harry quickly assumed the position, keeping her body firmly against his and giving her a few kisses to her head. Sadie didn’t seem bothered yet, her tongue flopping around and her face happy. 

Louis went for the first ear, swabbing and searching for any dissimilarities, soothing Sadie once she started huffing and fidgeting. Harry went on his phone with his other hand in the meantime. His thumb was swiping across the screen expertly, his face amused. 

The Apple Watch wrapped around Louis’ wrist chimed, both of them looking towards the noise, Louis blushing when Harry sent him a little smile. Louis turned it to vibrate, not bothering to check the time or the notification. 

They went back to their respective tasks, Louis inspecting the skin around Sadie’s paw and Harry on his phone. 

It happened again, Harry’s head darting straight to the Apple Watch. The room was quiet enough that the vibration could be heard clearly. This time his laugh was a little strained and more curious like he was witnessing the strangest coincidence of all time. 

He wasn’t, because every Wednesday evening at around seven, Harry began texting Louis to give him a helping hand,  per se. 

Harry let his thumb hover over the screen and Louis knew he was watching him. He tried to ignore it as best he could, willing the redness on his face and the shakiness of his hands to go away. 

He was a fucking idiot, he should’ve been keeping track of the time. Why the fuck was Harry even texting him right now? Harry was in public, for fuck’s sake. 

The rapid test strip in his hands couldn’t have been any slower. He could feel Harry peering at him, right above Louis’ head, close enough that he wondered if Harry felt his sweat. 

One last vibration should’ve been the nail in Louis’ coffin. Instead, two more followed, both in quick succession of each other, sealing Louis’ fate with a sick certainty. And because Louis had bad luck—horrible, no good, terrible, shitty, disastrous luck—his wrist tilted the wrong way at the wrong time. 

The OnlyFans notification was bright on the tiny Apple Watch, the letters too tiny to discern but the logo easy to see from a mile away. 

“Well, isn’t that something?” Harry broke the silence first, staring hard at Louis’ wrist before slowly blinking his way up to Louis. Louis had never wanted the ground to swallow him up as badly as he wanted to right now. He was praying at this point, eyes flushing with embarrassed tears. 

“I—”

“How’s the testing coming along? We’ve both got busy plans it seems.” There wasn’t much in Harry’s tone that gave anything away. It was blank and empty, the cold seeping in right at the end of his words like a whip. 

“It’s—She’s fine. No severe allergies, no parasites, nothing bad. Just irritated skin that she keeps irritating even more. She’ll get an antiseptic soap, nothing harsh on the skin, and a topical cream that’ll soothe and numb it. Uh, one of my techs will come in shortly and teach you how to apply the stuff, and, uh, yeah. They’ll help.” His voice was a soft, sad, shaking mess and he couldn’t look up from the dirty laminate floors. Sadie was still being sweet, reaching for kisses and wagging her tail. 

Harry didn’t say anything, he watched Louis make a fucking fool of himself like he wasn’t already a fool that had been caught. He was a creep and he’d been found out red-handed and this was all so humiliating. 

“Is there anything else you need from me?” Nothing was said and Louis removed his hands from the comfort of Sadie’s fur. “Thank you so much for your time, I will—”

As if it couldn’t go any worse, Louis’ words got stuck in his throat. He forgot what the standard protocol is for the ending speech and he looked stupid standing there. Harry’s eyebrow was slightly raised, the only show of emotion that Louis’ received during this whole fiasco. 

Louis rushed out of there, clutching the clipboard tightly as he scribbled everything important in the patient notes. He made it to the backroom, trying to remember the names of whatever Sadie needed, exactly one minute away from a breakdown. 

“Here,” Louis said, handing over the information to whoever would take it first. It was Taylor and Louis wasn’t sure if it was an incredulous look or a concerned one she was giving him. “This is for Sadie, room six. Uh, I’m gonna take a break. I’ll be in there, let me know if you need me.”

He didn’t bother explaining anything else, sprinting to the tiny closet that they turned into a sleep room for the surgeons and doctors that worked on call or around the clock. Louis’ never needed to use it before, but he was planning on being in here for as long as he could.

He still had five hours left on his shift. 

Louis shoved a pillow over his head, curled into himself, and cried. 

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Zayn was brushing his fingers through his hair, reading him fanfiction between two characters from something he watched. It was weird and it was really fucking smutty, but it was nice to be cuddled and taken care of. 

They’d spent so much time in Louis’ bed, he thinks that they’d become immune to the odors that had to have transpired in the past two days. 

He came home crying on Wednesday and he hasn’t left the apartment since. He called off and then he took a sick day, too embarrassed to leave the safety of his room. 

Harry was out there, disgusted and disturbed, and Louis was still a creepy, lonely sicko. 

He couldn’t show his face to the world ever again. He hadn’t even been on his phone, glancing at it brought up the humiliation that Louis was riding over and over again. He cried about a thousand times and sniffled pathetically in Zayn’s arms while Zayn promised him everything was alright.

It wasn’t. This was the worst form of suffering in the world.

Zayn would leave for work and then come back and assume the position, not bothered that Louis hadn’t showered. 

He was in misery and he was allowed to wallow in it for however long he wanted. 

At least until Monday, when he definitely had to go back to work.

“You haven’t eaten one single taco since I brought them. I even took out the onions and cilantro for you,” Zayn said, stopping mid-read along. “Think about your bum, you’ve got to eat. 

Louis groaned, pushing himself off of Zayn’s body and rolling further into the bed. He was trying to squish himself against the wall, wanting nothing more than to be completely smothered by the cool brick.

“I’ll mama bird feed you if I have to.”

An empty threat, but a gross image nonetheless. 

“I don’t want to eat, I just want to die,” Louis cried, slapping his shoulder right against the wall. He could hear Zayn’s eye roll. Screw Zayn. “If I try to eat, I’ll throw up. I’ve already binged enough.”

“Having a bag of chips and Swedish Fish is not sustainable. I really want you to listen to this part of the story and I can’t have you do that if you pass out from hunger.”

Truthfully, Louis had no idea what was happening in the story. Someone got fucked and then there was a fight, but Louis’ attention was tuning in and out at best. 

“Honestly, how do we know this is even real? For all we know, you’re lucid dreaming. This will be over soon.” Zayn started humming, waving his fingers like a jellyfish in front of Louis’ face. 

It would make things a lot better if this were a nightmare. He’d wake up and go back to watching Harry’s videos, stalking his Instagram, and lurking on his Twitter, with no worry in the world. He couldn’t even watch the very content that comforted him.

“This is your fault. Why would you let me fall in love with a pornstar? Why couldn’t you force me to obsess over a boy band or something?” 

Zayn left him unsupervised too often, it was Zayn’s doing.

He felt a pull on the back of his head. 

“This is Harry’s fault. He hypnotized you with his big cock and big nose. We should take legal action. I slept with a girl who worked in a law office, bet she’d help us out.”

She wouldn’t help them out. Louis was pretty sure Zayn ghosted her when she asked to take things to the next level. If anything, she’d kick them in the balls. 

“Stop saying his name, it makes me nauseous.” Louis rolled back over to face Zayn, the other boy sitting up straight and reading through his little story.

“No, pretending he doesn’t exist is not fixing anything. Denial is the first stage of grief. It happened Louis, you embarrassed yourself in front of someone who you were in a one-sided relationship with. So what? Who cares? Not us, not anymore.”

Louis groaned in reply, kicking his leg out for the sake of dramatics. 

“Fuck that guy. Fuck Harry Cawke. Fuck Harry whatever his real name is. Fuck him. Say it with me, Louis, this is for your health.” Zayn grabbed his hand, pointing it to the sky and waving it around while chanting out curses against a man who was probably working out a restraining order. 

“We’ve got to cancel your subscriptions.”

That had the spinning in Louis’ head come to an abrupt stop, like a bucket of ice-cold water being dumped right down his spine.  What? 

“What?” He said as much, sitting straight and looking at Zayn wildly. Zayn could have said that he was pregnant and that would have been less of a surprise.

Zayn nodded solemnly. “I’m not saying you have to, I just think it would be the best next step in moving on from this moment in your life. Paying this dickhead on a monthly basis isn’t fair to you, he was an ass and you don’t need to relive that embarrassment every time you want to get off. In my opinion.”

He was right, Zayn was usually right. He was supportive and loyal and he never led Louis too far astray. 

But canceling his subscriptions? Louis had been holding onto them for so long and had been dutifully watching every drop of a new video or photo shoot without ever failing to miss anything. It was embedded in his routine.

He wasn’t addicted to porn, he was addicted to Harry. 

Because he wasn’t only watching the porn for Harry’s body—which admittedly was the drawing point the very first time he stumbled upon his videos—he was watching Harry’s videos for Harry’s personality. For his corny acting and silly persona, for his weird quirks on social media, and his random shitposting. 

“You don’t have to do it. I just don’t know what will help you stop moping and locking yourself away in your room. I mean, you called off. You didn’t even call off when I broke my hand.”

He didn’t call off because he was already at work and Louis had told Zayn not to work out with his CrossFit coworkers. He left work a couple hours early and waited seven hours in the ER with Zayn, so he wasn’t the jerk he was being made out to be. 

“No,” Louis finally spoke up, a little scared and unsure. “No, I think I should. This is unhealthy, right? Like, I’m in love with the idea I’ve created of him and that’s all it is. Just some fantasy I’ve created. I talk shit about the girls thirsting over him on Instagram, but I’m not any better because I leave his clothes on and call him boyfriend in my dreams.”

Zayn snapped his fingers like he was at a poetry reading. 

“I need my phone, I’m ending this. Fuck Harry.”

“Fuck Harry and his stupid name and his hairline. Amen.”

His phone had messages from his work group chat; Amy, Taylor, and Liam all sending him messages of concern and then ideas for a night out. He’d get to them later. 

“I’m so proud of you, babes. This is a big step. Who would’ve thought that you would be doing this? You are amazing,” Zayn cheered, planting a big sloppy wet kiss on his cheek and laying his head on Louis’ shoulder to peek at the phone.

He was on the account settings page for OnlyFans, figuring he should start with the very thing that put this whole situation into motion. Fuck this website. 

He was going to do it. He needed to take a minute.

This was really it, this would finalize everything with Harry. Harry would only know him as the weirdo who lived in the same city as him and catfished him and paid to see him jack off. And that was it. No redemption, no ever turning back for Louis. Harry could think that about him and it wouldn’t be a big deal, it wasn’t.

But it kind of was. This was years of Louis being absolutely endeared by a man who had sex on camera for a living, who Louis could recognize by a strand of hair on his leg. This was the end of all the heartache and daydreaming and the end of Louis’ crush.

What happens then?

Zayn wrapped a helping hand around his finger. “Ready whenever you are, babes. Or not.”

He wasn’t ready, but he wasn’t ready for Harry to move into his city and barge into his DMs and storm into his workplace. 

“Fuck Harry,” Louis said, one centimeter away from the button.

A vibration tingled their hands and a banner appeared right at the top of the iPhone display. A private message, from the very bane of Louis’ existence. 

We should talk. 

Louis dropped his phone. “What the fuck?” He thinks he was having a panic attack.

Zayn didn’t look any better, mouth wide open. “What the fuck.”

That was all they could get out for two minutes straight, the same three words repeated a million times before another ding interrupted their moment. 

“Well, are you going to look at it?” Zayn asked, eyes darting between the phone and Louis.

Louis’ eyes widened. “Why do I have to look at it? You look at it!”

His best friend frowned at him but snatched the phone from the blanket anyways. He read it, head hanging in disbelief, and then flashed it over to Louis.

In person. 

“Do I respond?”

“There’s no way this is happening. Like, all this other bullshit, fine. Getting to text your favorite pornstar because you pay for it? Valid. Said pornstar moving near us? That’s plausible. Hell of a coincidence, but sure, why not. Running into Harry at Whoops! And talking to his best friend? Alright, maybe you’ve got early signs of some sort of hallucinatory mental illness. The pornstar walking into your job with his dog? No fucking way. And then for all this shit? Not a chance this is real.”

Louis watched as he recited his monologue like a madman, looking exactly like Louis felt.

“Lay down and shut your eyes, we’re getting out of this sick dream right now.” Zayn threw the sheets over his head, laying like a corpse. 

Louis needed to respond. 

What else did he have left to lose? His dignity had been dead the minute he started paying PornHub monthly.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Zayn uncovered himself, peeking one brown eye at Louis. 

“It’s what I said. I also said that I wasn’t going to bother him or his safety.” 

“That kind of sounds like you might be a threat to his safety, no offense.”

“Well, I’m not. This will be it. Maybe this is closure. I’m trying to get over him, remember? Maybe this is what I need.”

Zayn’s bottom lip jutted out. “You’re so brave and inspirational. You’re beautiful.”

There wasn’t any other response besides an address. When Louis clicked it, it was for a book and tea spot thirty minutes out of the city. 

I’m assuming you’re free Friday at the usual time.

The usual time, as in the time they were usually getting each other off. Louis was burning again.

“Are you going to go?” Zayn snapped him away from the dirty memories stored away in Louis’ brain. 

“Uh, yeah?” He winced at Zayn’s expression. “I mean, like why not? He probably wants to make sure I won’t, like, dox him or stalk him. I get it. Wouldn’t you be concerned?”

“Okay, yeah, but what if he’s the real creep? He could be dangerous. You can’t go alone.”

“I can’t bring you with me! Or anyone,” Louis immediately shot down. “That’s weird and even more sketchy. Harry thinks I’m the dangerous one. And if something does happen, you can always expose him and get rich off the Netflix doc they’ll make about me.”

“I’d make sure they used good photos of you,” Zayn promised.

“See, I should go.” Louis wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince more. All of his bravery was fading away from his fingertips. 

“I think we should ignore this right now before we freak ourselves out and combust into rainbow glitter. Let's stop talking about this.”

Zayn definitely felt the anxiety rolling off of Louis and he opened his arms for him to fall into. 

“Right. Ignore it.”

“Ignore what? What are you talking about? I’m reading.” 

He had his best friend and cold tacos and weird fanfiction on the internet. He didn’t need anything else and didn’t need to worry about anything else. All was well.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

The shop was cute. It was quiet and smelled like the perfume that Louis used. There were enough people that it didn’t feel too lonely or too busy, talking quietly among themselves or sitting in silence.

Louis’ leg was bouncing up and down, shaking the tiny table slightly, and he was looking everywhere but straight ahead. 

He was being studied, observed like an odd animal, and it was extremely unnerving. At least he wasn’t being taken into custody by the police. 

“You look too weak to be a murderer,” was the first thing Harry said, almost scaring Louis out of his seat. 

Never meet your heroes, or in this case, never meet the pornstar who you latched onto for comfort. 

Louis allowed himself a minute to really look at Harry and to no one’s surprise, he was beautiful. He had on a plain white tee, a few necklaces dangling from his neck, his scruff was peppered along his jawline and upper lip. His blue jeans and vans were dirty, as was the hat he took off his head when he first took a seat. He smelled fucking amazing. 

He took up a large mass of the space they were in, broad and thick, and the tops of his spread legs peeked over the circular table. His arms were crossed and he leaned back in his chair. He took up the space Louis didn’t.

His green eyes never wavered from Louis, fully aware of the intimidation Louis felt and taking advantage of it wholly.

“But you could still be a stalker.”

Louis was a stalker in some sense. He lived on Harry’s social media profiles, but he didn’t ever care to find out where he lived. Louis was the most non threatening individual to be placed in this position. He had a career, he didn’t care to jeopardize that for this. 

“I promise you that I’m not. Really,” Louis insisted, voice shy. “It was a crazy coincidence that freaked me out more than it did you. I swear. You can even ask my best friend! I didn’t leave my apartment for a good week because I was scared of bumping into you.”

“Wait, how did you know I moved to begin with?”

It wasn’t Louis’ fault Harry posted everything he did on social media. None of this was Louis’ fault and Harry should be more fucking appreciative of the way Louis’ handled his knowledge of his whereabouts. 

“You literally posted it! You know, for someone who’s so upset about all this, you really ought to be more careful about what you share with everyone. You post places you eat out at all the time. It doesn’t take a genius to do a quick google search.” Louis was out of breath and so was the fuel for his little outburst.

Harry didn’t say anything, but his narrowed eyes let Louis know that he didn’t appreciate it.

“I’ve never once bothered to google anything because I never wanted to cross that boundary with you. Honestly, the idea of ever seeing you in real life stressed me out,” Louis’ voice lowered and he found himself tearing up the napkin on the table. Harry watched his fingers.

“You were meant to stay an untouchable little fantasy, but then you had to move and mess it all up. I noticed Whoops! in the background of one of your little videos. That’s not a chain restaurant. There’s only one of them in the world and it's five minutes from my apartment.”

“Is that why you were there when me and Niall went? And then having a chat with him, on top of that. That’s fucking creepy.”

Okay, well, that was some pretty damning evidence.

“No!” Louis’ defensive mode might’ve seemed a little bit incriminating. “I hate that place. I go there, like, maybe twice a year. My roommate goes there a lot and he got me hooked on their muffins I was having a really shit day at work and I needed a pick-me-up. It was a shit coincidence.”

Harry said nothing.

“I’m not going to bother you, I unfollowed you on Instagram and Twitter and everything else after three years or however long it’s been. This whole situation is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Do you really think normal people want to meet their favorite pornstars?”

Harry, again, said nothing, and Louis was ready to throw a tantrum. He looked like an idiot and Harry didn’t care at all. He brought Louis here to make him look ridiculous.

“What was the point in bringing me here if you say like three words every twenty minutes? I had to Uber here, I couldn’t even take the Metro. Do you know how pricy Uber gets? I live on Prairie and Sunset, by the way, so don't go there because that’s my area, or else I might think you’re the creep.”

Zayn would be proud of how well Louis is managing himself. They both believed Louis was going to pass out on the floor. Zayn even tried to force him to wear a bracelet with his medical information on it.

Harry laughed. Like really loud. It was honestly more of a bark, drawing people’s attention to their little table. He didn’t seem to care as he kept laughing, eyes squinted shut and his bunny teeth out, his knee peeping up. He even slapped the table. 

Louis stared, eyebrow raised, because what the fuck is this guy’s problem?

“Uh, I’m sorry, I’m really confused right now.”

“Whew!” Harry whistled, wiping his eyes with his ringed pointer fingers, and he kind of reminded Louis of a dad who heard a stupid joke. “That was really funny. Wow. Alright. So you’re, like actually, a fan? Three years you said?”

He took a sip of the drink in front of him before crossing a leg over the other. He looked like he was interviewing Louis on a talk show. Maybe he was. The cameras might be in the corner. 

“Uh,” Louis could feel himself turning a different color and he wiped at his nose for the sake of giving him something else to do. “I mean, yeah? I’ve watched your content for a while.”

Harry hummed, leaning forward in sudden interest. His fingers were distracting Louis, falling against the table in a random pattern. 

“Prove it.”

Show me rang through Louis’ red ears. 

“I don’t, I mean, like, how? I’m pretty sure you can check your stats on whatever website and see my user on there.” God, this fucking sucks. 

“True,” Harry agreed after a minute. “So you get off to my stuff.” 

It wasn’t a question and Harry didn’t phrase it as one. He was speaking too fucking loudly for Louis’ liking. He didn’t even know why they were still here.

“Well, yes?” Louis ran a hand over his face because as humiliating as this was, it was also kind of fucking hot. The perfect specimen of man was right here in front of him and Louis’ wanted this for years. “I’m sorry, this is humiliating.”

“But you’re into that, though. I remember our messages.” Harry said it so casually like they were talking about the weather and not Louis’ fucking kinks. 

He stopped his pattern of tapping, staring straight at Louis with deep green eyes and a blank face. Louis was trying not to make his squirming noticeable. He didn’t think it was working, Harry had the upper hand no matter what they were talking about. 

“Jesus,” Louis hissed at him, glancing around them to make sure no one was listening in. “Is this really necessary? Is this some sort of sick punishment—”

“I’ve never met a guy fan before,” Harry continued at a normal volume, ignoring Louis’ whispers. “Like, I know I have them, but still. It’s kind of weird.”

Louis wanted to scream. Never, ever meet your heroes. 

“This was your idea! I don’t even know what the point of this is. I am not going to expose your address to the world. I could’ve texted you that or done a phone call or a fucking fax. Why the hell did you want to do this?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders. “Dunno, really. Was just curious, I guess. Have you got a boyfriend?” 

No, he fucking didn’t. He had Harry instead.

“Um, not at the moment, no. I’m sorry, but what—”

“Am I your type?” 

What the fuck, what in the actual fuck was happening? Harry’s questions came quickly, not listening to anything other than what he wanted. 

“Have you never met a gay person before? Or another person in general?”

“Not one that pays my bills and has creamed their pants because of me, no.” Harry gave him a boyish smile, his right dimple mocking Louis. “So you would let me fuck you in front of all these people?”

Louis has never been more mortified or turned on in his life because even despite all this, he wanted Harry to bend him over the table and spank him around a bit, like in the videos. And this was all Louis’ fault. Fuck that damn survey.

“I don’t really know what you want me to say.”

Harry puffed out a breath, still smiling and looking so damn perfect. “Honestly me neither. I’ve never had sex with a guy before.” 

Did Harry really have to rub more salt in the open wound on Louis’ body? He wanted to go back in time and change the pornstar he would obsess over—preferably a gay one, who lived in another country and spoke a different language. Anyone but the one sitting before him.

Uh, do you want to?” They both knew the answer to that. For the sake of something to say, he asked it anyway. 

“Not particularly, no. I don’t like men.”

Right. “That’s cool, I guess?” Could Louis go home?

“But you’re not really a man, though, are you?”

What? What. 

He was choking on thin air and Harry didn't move a muscle. His stupidly perfect face still didn’t look phased whatsoever. Louis pinched his thigh. Nothing happened. The stars were more fucked up than Zayn had said they were. This is what Louis gets for having weird interests.

“What?” 

“Like, I don’t know,” Harry shrugged again, scratching his right shoulder with his left hand. “You’re kind of girly.”

Louis’ mouth was dry and he had cold sweats. This couldn’t be happening. Louis thought about slamming his face against the table. Louis had dumb moments, but he wasn’t a fucking idiot. 

“What are you trying to say?” 

Harry’s smile turned sinister like before licking his bottom lip and taking a deep breath. He leaned in like he was ready to talk business. 

“I need to know you’re not going to be a danger to my life. I’d appreciate it if I could see your ID and also have you take a background check. I’ve heard a shit ton of fucked up stories in my line of work and I think it would make both of us feel better if I could trust you.”

Louis questioned if the conversation they were having two seconds ago really occurred. It probably didn’t. 

“Of course, I get that,” Louis mumbled, sliding his ID across the table. He thinks of all the things that have happened, Harry looking at a photo of him still going through puberty was the least stressful. 

“Cute,” Harry offered once he returned the plastic card. He was unnervingly cocky at all times. “I have a link to a background test I’ll send you before you go, one that everyone I work with has to take. It’s nothing too stressful—if you’re not psycho.”

The underlying of a smirk was floating on the tip of Harry’s mouth, pinning Louis in place with a long stare. He might be the psycho one. 

“You should also get tested.”

Louis’ mind dove straight into confusion. “I am, I’ll do the background check.”

“No,” Harry’s voice changed into something different, something Louis couldn’t quite pin down. “You should get tested for STD’s.”

Louis froze. This might be the part where he passes out, all the lines of conversation they’ve shared finally clicking together. 

“Why—”

“I think we should fuck,” Harry shrugged again. “Doesn’t it make sense?”

Louis was in an episode of hysteria, caught right in the middle, like Alice in Wonderland. 

“I’m not following, like at all. What the fuck, Harry? You thought I was a creepy stalker and you’ve never had sex with another boy and now you want to what? Use me as an experiment? This has to be a joke.”

He was angry and annoyed, but he was also fighting against giving Harry whatever he wanted. He was an entitled prick. 

“Well, if your tests come back clear, I don’t see why not. I’m open about sex and experimenting. You’re pretty and you’ve got a fat ass. And I don’t know if you know this or not, but I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

He cackled. The bastard had the audacity to cackle at his own fucking joke while Louis was turning into a puddle of every emotion accessible to humanity. 

“Look, I’m not going to pressure you to do anything or whatever. You can take the background check and that’ll be it. We can live our lives separately and in peace. Or we can do what you’ve wanted to do for a long time now and we can fuck. I know you want me and I know exactly how you want it.”

He was offering something so easy, at least that’s what he made it seem like. This wasn’t a big deal to him because to Harry, sex was sex. He had sex to have sex and then, he went and had sex with girls on camera for money. And after that, he went home and had text sex with people who paid him for it. 

To Louis, this had the potential to fuck him up in so many ways. He’s not the most logical person in the world, but even with the haze of want and need, he knew this was going to be a bad idea. The worst part of it all, Louis’ desperation for this had been running for so long that he didn’t care about the aftermath. 

“Think it over if you want to. I’m not gonna be upset with whatever you decide, but I’ll still want a discount for Sadie’s shots,” Harry winked at him, wiggling his eyebrows. 

This was going to destroy Louis and meeting Harry’s gaze, he found he didn’t mind.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

The background check and the other test came back completely clear, not that Louis had a fraction of a doubt it would say anything else. Harry’s response had been the flame emoji and then his personal phone number.

His phone number was placed over a picture of his hard dick, lined up perfectly with his length. He was ridiculous and somehow still perfect to Louis. 

He stared at the red brick wall of the apartment building before him. It was a nice building in a nice neighborhood surrounded by nice cars and nice people. Zayn would be jealous, it was the type of spot he wanted to live in. As he stood there staring at it, still in work scrubs and a jacket, he contemplated every decision he’s ever made in his life. 

They’d shared brief conversations that were surface-level comments about the city from Harry and pictures of Sadie to document her progress. She was healing nicely and her owner was an idiot. 

It had been days since he heard from Harry and then, four hours into his shift, he texted Louis. 

He had asked Louis what he was doing and when Louis said he was at work, he proceeded to ask when Louis would be out. And then when he was given a time, he sent him an address. 

"If you’re free after work, come and let me fuck your pussy.” He sent it with a couple more emojis. He told Zayn he’d be doing a double shift and then turned his location off. 

Louis didn’t respond, didn’t have to, because they both knew what Louis would do. What other option did he have?

He had to be buzzed up because this apartment building was fancy and safe, unlike the rough little spot he lived in. He felt like he was doing the walk of shame on the way up. 

Harry had the door wide open, standing in nothing but gym shorts and long socks and a big smirk. He was freshly showered and Louis wondered if he came back from the gym or from a shoot. He didn’t doubt that it could’ve been the latter. 

“Did you come straight from work?” was the first thing out of Harry’s mouth. Louis stopped in his tracks. 

“Is that not what you meant?” It was already late and it was a weekday. If Louis had gone home, it would’ve been even later and he had work bright and early tomorrow morning. Besides, he had freshened up at the hospital before he got here and changed into fresh scrubs that weren’t covered in animal fur.

Harry lifted up one shoulder coyly. “There was no rush.” 

He stared at Louis and Louis almost wanted to ask him if he had a staring problem because that was all this fucker did. Having his attention was tickling his tummy, but Louis wouldn’t ever tell him that. 

“You wanna keep standing there or are we going to have sex anytime soon?”

Sex. Right. They were going to have sex. Louis came here to have sex. With Harry. Harry, his favorite pornstar in the world, the most attractive man in the world, the man. He’s seen his dick a million times before. Now, he was really going to see it. In person. 

“I’m not gonna invite myself into your apartment. I always thought you’d be more of a gentleman.” Louis crossed his arms over his chest as Harry moved aside to let him in. Into his apartment, where he lived. Where he shot explicit videos. That he used to watch. And now he’s here.

The nerves were beginning to settle in. 

“I am a gentleman,” Harry insisted, voice booming right beside Louis’ ear. He was really close to Louis, terrifyingly close, and Louis was ready to back out of this whole deal. “I even lit a candle.”

The lights were dark and dim but the area around them was pretty spacious for this side of the city. He was properly moved in, Louis could make out the shadowy shapes of furniture and picture frames and the tiny hints of Sadie in a corner of the living room

It was clean and smelled really good, the three-wick candle flickering on a record table was the only light source. Louis tried to erase any tracings of daydreams in his head. This was a one-time thing. 

“Where’s Sadie?”

Harry moved past him, purposely knocking their shoulders and smirking back at Louis to walk in his kitchen. He used the tiny oven light to get whatever he was grabbing, maybe a knife. Louis was too fucking horny to be concerned. 

“She’s with Niall, they’re two floors down,” Harry finally emerged again, holding a wine bottle—not a knife—and a set of keys. He waved the two at Louis. “You’re tense and it’s making me soft. We’re gonna make a toast.”

Louis was tense. His body was completely rigid. 

Harry gripped the neck of the bottle tightly and used the opposite hand to twist the cork out with the keys. He looked really fucking hot, the light contouring every muscle in his arms and the structure of his face. He was still perfect to Louis. 

He cheered happily when the cork popped off, not bothering to pick it up as he made his way over to Louis. 

“Ladies first,” He bowed in a silly voice. 

“You’re not going to get glasses?” He might’ve been stalling. 

“Fuck no, I’m not washing dishes. I’ll be spitting in your mouth soon, so don’t tell me that drinking out of the same spout is gross.” 

Louis couldn’t have snatched the bottle out of Harry’s hand fast enough. He was going to pass out. He squeezed his eyes shut as he took two big gulps before handing it off to Harry.

“Are you a virgin or something? That’ll make the situation even weirder.”

That would definitely not be the weirdest thing about this situation, not even by a lightyear.

“I’m not, I just. This whole thing is weird.”

Harry frowned. “You’re overthinking. I know a lot of people who have it weirder. You don’t have to do this. I want this to be enjoyable for both of us, not stressful or anything. I already know what you’re into and you probably have an idea of what I like, but still. You can not be into this. I’m not gonna be pissed off or whatever. Swear.” He sounded earnest, his big green eyes looking sweet and honest.

“No, I do, trust me. I really do,” Louis tried not to fidget. “I don’t know. I never thought I’d be in this position, I guess. It’s kind of surreal.”

The other boy hummed. “Well, at any point, let me know if you change your mind. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s kind of intimidating, isn’t it? My dick, I mean.” He was smiling bright enough to stop Louis’ erratic heartbeat. 

“To finally having sex with a guy,” Harry announced, raising the bottle before drinking it. His eyes never left Louis’, watching the boy count each bob of his Adam’s apple and the shape of his lips. He knew what effect he had on Louis.

To finally having sex with the personification of Louis’ wet dreams. 

“Cheers,” Louis mumbled back, his feet shuffling in their place and his hands swaying. 

“Hey.” The seriousness in his voice made Louis’ head snap up. “I’m serious. We can stop whenever. You okay?”

Louis nodded. He was okay. He was terrified like he was waiting in line for a rollercoaster. He was staring at doom itself, but he wanted it. 

“Swear? Talk to me.”

“I promise.” Louis damned his entire life and any forgiveness from God with two words.

The first time Harry touched Louis, it felt like being burned. He’d live with the impact of Harry on his skin forever. 

Big hands came to grab at his neck, maneuvering him to look right at Harry. It was rough and urgent, fingers coming to squeeze his cheeks together to make his lips pucker. Harry’s eyes were circling Louis’ face, stretching down to his body. They were closer now than before, chests bouncing off to an erratic pattern of breaths.

“You’re real pretty, you know that?” Harry’s voice was steady, Louis was already falling apart. 

He couldn’t muster a reply under Harry’s control and he wasn’t expected to. 

“You want a kiss, baby?” A thumb was tracing his bottom lip, pushing it every which way. Louis’ dignity has died for a kiss. “Give me a kiss.”

Louis didn’t know what to do. 

But Harry was standing tall above him, not bothering to move down for him, and that was direction enough. He picked up whatever courage from the ground, pushed on his tiptoes, and kissed him. 

Kissing Harry was like tasting adrenaline itself. His mouth was warm and wet, remnants of wine and mint and Harry flooding his own with each demand of Harry’s tongue. There wasn’t any amount of kisses adequate to soothe this newfound addiction. 

Harry pushed against him, forcing him to crash his back on a wall scattered with things that fell to the floor. He was being smothered by everything Harry was giving him, bites of sharp teeth digging into his neck and shoulder unforgivingly. He was losing himself to the hand around his neck and the other on his waist, both gripping him into stillness. 

“You feel that?” Harry asked him, pressing his lower body right into Louis’ navel. “It’s because of this.” Wandering hands wrapped around his body like tight vines, twisting until they landed right on Louis’ ass. He was fondled roughly, forcing Louis to grab onto Harry for balance. 

Louis’ brain was fuzzy with the reality of all this. Never would he have dreamed this would happen to him. Never. The small slap on his cheek anchored his brain.

“I’m talking to you, bitch. Answer me.”

He scrambled to think of an answer, but he didn’t even hear the question. 

Harry looked at him with mock sympathy, cruel and amused. 

“Awe,” He cooed, tilting his head like he was conversing with something silly. “You’re dumb, aren’t you? You can’t do anything for yourself, you can’t even think for yourself, right?” He nodded Louis’ head for him as if he couldn’t do a simple act on his own.

“That’s why I’ll do all your thinking for you. You’re gonna shut up and be good. Right, hole? Brainless. Little. Slut.” He received a pat on the top of his head.

Hole. Because that’s what Louis has succumbed to. Not a single thought other than whatever Harry wanted for him. 

“Take your clothes off. Show me what I want to see.”

Harry pushed him towards the center of the room, watching as Louis shakily discarded his jacket, shedding every article of protection after that. It was intimidating, standing there in absolutely nothing, his only saving grace being the cloak of darkness enveloping them.

It was his saving grace—until it wasn’t. The light came on, a blinding white that put Louis on display like he was something to be looked at. 

Harry was taking some sort of sadistic pleasure in the flush of red that bloomed all over Louis’ naked body, a one-sided smirk decorating his face. His eyes danced all over Louis, like he could see through the arms Louis used to cover himself. 

“Harry, what—” His voice came out as weak and embarrassed as he felt. 

“What’s the matter, love?” The names he used to refer to Louis gave him whiplash and Louis didn’t know which ones he preferred more. “Don’t cover up. Do a spin for me. Now.”

Louis did, he had to obey. His body moved on its own accord, giving a feeble attempt at a small spin. He was still covering up and he wasn’t expecting it when Harry forced his hands away. 

“I said let me see. If I wanted you to cover up, I would’ve had you leave your clothes on,” Harry said to his body, not once meeting Louis’ eyes as he took in every detail. 

He spun Louis himself, bouncing Louis’ cheeks as he hummed appreciatively. “This is beautiful. It's no wonder why your brain is small when your ass is so big. You were meant to be a slut.”

He spun again, this time coming to face Harry. Harry’s eyes were lowered, studying Louis’ frontside now. He huffed out a laugh, mocking and mean. Two fingers came to flick at Louis’ cock, the smallest hint of pain and relief making it jump. 

“This is tiny. I wasn’t supposed to be fucking a girl today. It’s like a clit.” He laughed and Louis hid his face in shame. It shouldn’t be so fucking hot, but it was and Louis was burning with an overwhelming need for more. 

“What’s wrong, pretty girl? You want me to stop looking at your pussy?” Harry gently removed Louis’ hands away, smiling kindly. Louis nodded before he was being kissed again, the forcefulness coming back in full swing. 

“Then go turn the light off,” Harry countered, moving to sit on the couch, leaving Louis standing alone again. Louis was stumped for a second, but as he went to walk to the lightswitch, another command came. “I didn’t say walk. Hands and knees.”

As if this couldn’t get more humiliating, as if this couldn’t be any more arousing. Louis’ mind was bouncing. His knees and the palms of his hands hit the carpet quietly, the only sound ringing in his ears was his embarrassment. When he made his way back to Harry in the darkness, he sat right by his feet, vibrating in anticipation. 

Harry pulled him on his knees by his hair, bringing their faces close together for a moment. 

“How are you feeling?” The deepness was gone, as was the dominating aura Harry had created for both of them. This was Harry and his concern, brows pulled together like he was trying to read Louis.

Louis had no words. His throat was dry, his eyes were wet, his body was on fire. Every breath he took served Harry and whatever his wants were. Desperation and need were the only thing holding his bones together. 

“If you don’t tell me, we won’t do anything else.”

“Good,” Louis rasped out, neck bent almost painfully. Hands went to massage the muscle there, soothing the tingles on the bruises from Harry’s lips he’s sure were there. “Good, I’m fine. I, this is good.”

Harry smiled. “Good boy. Do you want to continue?” Louis nodded. It was painfully evident how bad he wanted more. “No, use your words. Tell me, baby.” 

“I want this.” His voice was already gone and so was his stamina. His cock was weeping right against Harry’s sock.

“What do you want? Be specific.” Fuck Harry, Louis eyes were burning the message right on his nose. 

“I want more,” Louis whined, the onslaught of a tantrum rubbing against his knees. “I want you to fuck me, I want to be good. I want you to do whatever you want to me. I want this more than anything.”

He didn’t recognize the tears falling on his face until Harry wiped them away. 

“You’re so good, sweet,” Harry praised, raising his foot slightly. It wasn’t enough pressure, it was something. But Louis called good and he wouldn’t throw it all away so soon. He was awarded a small kiss. “Your lips are so soft, baby. Get them on my cock.”

He was brought down to the tent in his shorts and Louis was faced with the very thing that he was obsessed with. He’d dreamt of this moment for so long, he thought about this every day. Louis’ mouth was watering and his eyes glazed over with the triumph he’d finally be able to taste.

Harry took his time getting himself out, still maintaining Louis a teasingly small distance away. Once he was finally out, Louis felt him pulling against the restraint on his head. He wanted it.

Dicks have never been particularly pretty or perfect, but Harry’s was. It was shiny, hard, and the hair around the base was dark and curly. It was big and with Louis’ face right next to it, it aligned from his chin to right under his hairline. 

“You’ve got your mouth open, you know that?” Harry laughed, jostling his face around like he wanted Louis to reach forward and grab the tip of his cock with his mouth. “You really do want me that bad. I can feel how wet you are."

He kicked his foot once, Louis’ cock dangling with the movement. 

“How many times have you thought about this?” 

Too many times, Louis thought. He didn’t want to answer, couldn’t get the chance to answer because his mouth was forced onto Harry. His air was stolen from him, as was every thought racing in his mind.

“Look at me, darling. Let me see your pretty face.”

Pretty, Harry thought Louis was pretty. 

His lips were wrapped around Harry, taking him up and down with as much willpower as he could, trying to follow the controlled pace Harry was setting for him. It was slow and it was more teasing for Louis than it was the other man.

He wasn’t struggling yet, able to fit the girth and the length in nicely without choking. 

“Is it better than you thought it would be?”

Louis could die right here, with his hands on Harry’s thighs and his mouth on his cock.

A hand was placed on the back of his head, forcing him all the way down and keeping him there. It was difficult to look at Harry, to gauge what he was up to and what his plan was, and it was even more difficult to keep his throat relaxed.

His mouth was stretched painfully, drool beginning to slip out of the sides of his lips, and his nose was the only way he could breathe. Harry’s nails were scratching at his scalp, gentle and calming despite the anxiety crawling through his face because he still couldn’t breathe.

“You’re doing great,” Harry encouraged, like the gagging noises Louis was releasing weren’t echoing around the room. He finally let him off after what felt like forever of struggling, watching him intently as Louis gasped and coughed with the first huffs down his airway.

His watered eyes blurred the outline of Harry still on the couch, leaning forward and waiting for some sign from Louis. 

He was fine, he was okay. He liked it really, it was just a little unexpected and now Louis looked inexperienced. He’d be more upset if Harry didn’t have a smile on his face.

“You okay?”

Louis sent a shaky smile back, holding a thumbs up with the hand that wasn’t wiping away the spit from his face. Harry’s own thumb came to rub some of it away, squishing his chin and lips together.

“Was that your first time deepthroating?”

Jesus, Louis couldn’t have been that bad.

“I mean,” Louis rasped, voice weak and squeaky. “I’m no fucking pornstar.” 

Harry cackled, settling his back into the couch like his dick wasn’t bobbing around. 

“I’m sorry, I should have warned you. Got a little carried away. You’re really fucking hot, you know that?” Louis blushed, but in his defense, his face was already red from the lack of air moments ago. “Like, you’re just, I don’t know. Naturally submissive, I guess? It’s impressive. Have you ever considered doing porn?”

“Uh, no,” Louis sputtered. As much as he loved watching Harry, being filmed for anyone on the internet to see was not for him. “Definitely not. I’m, no. Not for me.”

“Alright,” Harry agreed easily. “You’d be great in the industry, but it’s fine. So how do you want it?”

It being sex. Harry really had a way with words, he really did. 

“You’re asking me? You’ve been in charge this whole time and now you expect me to make a decision?” He was still on the ground, legs pressed together like a mermaid, naked as the day he was born.

Harry shrugged. “Why not?” 

“Well, for starters, I think I’m done being on the ground, right?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Harry swooped into action, helping Louis stand with a few touches here and there. Nothing was more attractive to Louis than getting to feel how much Harry wanted him. “Here, let me help you to my bedroom.”

He threw Louis over his shoulder, his knee brushing against Harry’s still out cock, his vision turned upside down through the short little walk down the hall. 

“This look familiar?” 

He put Louis on the ground and faced him in the space of his room, hands right on his shoulder. Louis might be a little starstruck and breathless because this was familiar. This was the place where Harry created content for his adoring fans, for Louis. 

He recognized some of the trinkets, the stark white sheets with a single green throw and a matching decorative pillow on it. He saw the opposite wall, the one that was never shown, and the collection of postcards and posters and picture frames all screamed Harry.

The chances of fainting were high, but he’s recently become all too familiar with the feeling.

Kisses were being pressed onto his neck, rough hands on his waist again.

“Enough looking around, yeah?” Harry didn’t give him time before he was forced chest-first onto the bed, his awkward landing cushioned by the big fluffy pillows.

“Warn me a little before you start—"

He was jolted forward by a sharp smack right on his ass, cutting him off with the surprising sting of pain.

“Shut up,” Harry said, still feeling the shape of him. It felt good, relaxing almost if it weren’t for the harsh grabs in between. “This is pretty. Can I taste it?”

“Yes,” Louis answered immediately, his body moving on his own accord. He can’t be blamed for how badly he wanted this and he wasn’t ashamed of the way he angled himself for more.

He was spread open easily, being examined again for a few moments until Harry decided he was ready to do something. It could’ve been forever or a second, but when Harry finally leaned down to press his tongue right against him, the wait was worth it.

He was held down with a forearm across his lower back and another arm right under his thighs, propping him up perfectly. He didn’t receive any more than one press inside before another smack landed on his bum. It fucking hurt, a lot, but it felt so good that Louis wasn’t running from it.

“Could probably spend days just tasting you,” Harry murmured against his hole, the soft vibrations tingling up his spine. “I’d pay to have you sit on my face, bet you’re cheap.”

He sent another slap down, Louis pushing against the hold on his body to seek relief from wherever he could get it, but Harry wasn’t letting up.

“Stop moving or I won’t fuck you.” Louis stilled immediately, trying to relax. 

Another slap on the opposite cheek, followed by a stronger one had him gasping into the pillows, clutching onto them for comfort. Harry stroked his skin gently, right where his skin felt red and raised.

“Gonna finger you a bit, yeah?” A digit ran over his hole, slick with lube and making a mess of it, tracing circles and lines before pressing in for one second. It was gone before Louis could even register it. 

“What are you—”

“I liked your mouth better when my dick was in it,” Harry interrupted, shoving his finger in all the way and leaving it there this time. “Shut up, I know what I’m doing. Slut.”

A second finger wiggled between the first, curling ever so slightly. It was close, but not close enough. 

“Would you let me put all my fingers in here? They’d fit so nicely in your cunt, would you let me?”

Of course Louis would let him, he’d let him do anything. Everyone knew this. 

“Yeah,” was punched out of him, as a third finger followed, beckoning Louis backward until he was chasing after Harry’s hand blindly. He was fast, beating at Louis’ prostate relentlessly and fighting against all the thrashing Louis was doing. 

“Does that even feel good?” Huh? Louis’ fuzzy brain didn’t capture the words correctly. “Like, if I were to eat you out. It’s not really like a clit, is it?”

Was Harry seriously trying to make conversation right now?

“I’m just asking because I don’t really know—”

“Yes, Harry, yes,” Louis bit out, clearly affected by Harry’s ministrations while the man had no care in the world. 

“No need to be rude,” Harry complained, shoving his pinky in. “You really could fit my whole fist in here.”

Louis would if Harry asked. It wasn’t anything that he had ever thought about doing, but he had no concerns about it. He would do it and it would be incredibly hot. 

“Harry,” He mumbled against the pillow, eyes sticky with tears that hadn’t fallen yet and the ones that had already dried. “Harry, I think I might—”

“Don’t, I didn’t say you could.” He kept going, switching the pace whenever he pleased. Louis was feeling fuzzy and sore and he wanted more. 

He was flipped over at some point, flat on his back and vision bouncing as he tried to focus on the outline of Harry above him. 

“Think you’re starting to slip, Louis. You want to take a break or—"

“No,” Louis cried, hands reaching for Harry. He wanted more, he wanted to lose the parts of himself he still had completely. “Please, I want—”

“I got you, babe,” Harry cooed, letting Louis nuzzle into his wrist. He’d never felt like this before, had never felt like he was jumping face-first into a black pool of ecstasy. “Pretty boy, wanted to see your face when I fucked you. You’re so cockdumb I have to do everything myself.”

He didn’t sound mean, or if he did, Louis couldn’t tell. Everything was far away and that was still too close. 

“Are you going to let me in your cunt, baby?” Harry mumbled it against his neck, in between kisses and bruises from his lips. Louis held on to his back, digging his nails in once he felt the pressure between his legs when he finally felt the warmth and the stretch of Harry. 

He’d been fingered for long enough that it shouldn’t have been difficult to handle, but even in the faintness of the spacey spot he was in, it fucking hurt a little. Harry must’ve understood because he settled in fully and let Louis adjust, continuing with the bruises he was creating. 

The hand on his waist was comforting, fitting right in the curve perfectly, thumb running back and forth over Louis’ stomach. 

“You feel amazing, Louis,” Harry whispered, fingernail catching on one of Louis’ nipples. He tugged on it a bit, a tiny pinch prompting him to blink away his tears and make eye contact with Harry. “Might not last as long as I want to.”

He laughed a little, more breathy little skips than anything, but Louis’ shaky muscles managed to return a grin. 

“I’m gonna move, alright?”

Louis nodded as Harry pulled out a bit, pressing in deeper than he’d been before, thrusting hard enough that Louis’ body was jolted upwards on the bed.

It took him a few more drags of his cock to finally hit Louis hard enough to stop his breathing. He was turning red with pleasure, burning every time Harry’s hips bounced against his ass. He was on fire and Harry was fanning the flames, squeezing Louis’ cheeks to keep him still.

“You finally got my dick in you,” He gritted. “Your hole’s tight for someone so easy. How many times have you thought about this when you’ve touched yourself? I want an answer this time.”

“All the time, Harry,” Louis whimpered, his voice jumping with the force of Harry over him. “Can’t finish without thinking about you.”

“You should be thanking me for this, ungrateful bitch. Let me hear you say it.”

“Thank you,” Louis tried, sounding pathetic even to his own ears. He couldn’t talk through the grip on his cheeks or the sobs wracking his body or the whines he couldn’t stop from escaping.

He was falling and he thinks he was going to be landing soon.

There was a hand squeezing his cock, stroking it with two fingers like it really was a clit. Harry went up and down, pushing on it in time with every fuck inside Louis’ body. He was forcing Louis’ legs to stay open, to stop fighting against the overwhelming pleasure that was being given to him. 

“You’ve got the prettiest cunt I think I’ve ever seen,” Harry said above him, eyes wandering all over the free expanse of the boy underneath him. “Gonna be thinking about it all the time.”

He brought their faces closer, their noses bumping with the movement of sex, and his gaze on Louis’ lips was obvious even through the tears. 

“Open up,” He commanded, thumb pulling Louis’ bottom lip down anyways. Louis did, tongue darting forward to catch what was coming. 

Harry spit right into his mouth, closing it shut for Louis and watching him take it all. He huffed a mix between a laugh and a moan when Louis opened up for more. 

“You’re a little minx. A slutty, messy whore. Say please.”

“Please,” Louis rasped, all of his breath leaving his body. His cock was bouncing painfully and it was only a matter of time before he would give in. 

Harry smirked, spitting once in his mouth and then spitting again messily on his face. Louis closed his eyes, ready to be a spit bucket if that’s what Harry was asking. 

He didn’t get to because Harry’s hand went back to petting his cock. 

“I wanna watch you touch yourself. Finish yourself off for me, baby.”

Louis did, with a heavy hand that was too rough and too eager. He had been holding out for so long that it only took him ten seconds, squirting all over his tummy and onto his cheek, Harry’s name on his lips. He thrashed against Harry’s hold once he had nothing left in him to release, too sensitive and too far gone. 

He wasn’t there anymore, he could barely feel the rough thrusts that Harry continued pounding into him, crashing against the bed to ride out the high of his orgasm. He was somewhat aware of the warmth that flooded his hole and the bite to his shoulder, the intrusion coming to a stop. 

A finger was rubbing through the mess that his hole became, leaking Harry’s cum and gaping open, and then that same finger was smearing cum all over his cheek. He knew that happened, the aftermath of his sobs skipping through his body despite Harry murmuring things to him.

He knew Harry was holding him, rocking him gently and petting him and telling him he did good. He’s never been in this spot before, in this comfortable numb, but Harry was going to take care of him. Harry was here.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

So Harry was as good at sex as it looked. 

It was a fact and Louis wasn’t surprised by it. He’s seen the videos, he knew what to expect. And even without his career, everything about Harry’s demeanor was proof that he was a fucking professional. 

The sore bones and aches all over Louis’ body were felt days later with flushed cheeks. 

Having really amazing, mind-blowing sex with Harry was a great way to get closure. He limped away from Harry’s apartment with the triumph of finality and the triumph of knowing he was right. 

And then he immediately confessed to Zayn, because he couldn’t keep anything from him and because he wanted to brag about that moment for the rest of his life. 

"If you’re hot enough to bag a straight, sexy pornstar after he found out you’re a creep, you’re hot enough to bag anyone you want out there, babes.”

Louis wouldn’t necessarily say his confidence was boosted enough to unabashedly agree with his biased best friend, but he was feeling pretty damn good about himself. 

He found himself laughing at his own disbelief all the time, garnering weird stares, but Louis didn’t care. Because he had sex and who he had sex with was insane and it all felt good. 

The one-time thing was worth all of the risks and he walked away from Harry and everything that came with him.

Harry was good at sex, Louis was in an amazing place, and that should’ve been it. 

But Harry would not stop texting Louis. 

He will persistently not shut the fuck up with random anecdotes and occasional horny texts. 

At first, it was fine and amusing to entertain him. This was a few years worth of Louis’ dreams and it was still something Louis wanted. Harry was funny and random and it was nice pretending that every text had a deeper level of meaning. 

how sad that whales n snakes dont know about each other :( 

Maybe you should introduce them to each other, Harry.

got that song from space jam stuck in my head .

Space Jam is a good movie.

niall wont shut the fuckk up ab sum place on 6th 

and then a few hours later, turns out the place is sick, pull apart bread made me nut

These texts, Louis had no problem responding to these. They lit up his day a little more, made Harry human, and gave Louis a reason to be on his phone now that he wasn’t watching his porn. 

The other texts were tiny pieces of heartbreak, little fragments that broke all the hope and fantasy still left in Louis. And the more frequent they became, the longer it took Louis to respond.

“I think this guy would be attractive to you,” Taylor said from his left. “He’s pretty tall.”

“Guys with their height in their bio are red flags,” Amy argued from his right. 

“He made a typo, sixth line.” Nothing disgusted Zayn more than a typo. 

Louis let his finger hover between the arrow and the X button on the screen, eyes scanning the projector on the wall. 

“Sai is handsome,” He finally spoke up, ignoring the snap of three heads on him. “But he seems like he’s looking for a gym partner that he can also dick down. I fucking hate the gym. And I’m looking for a boyfriend.”

“No one looks for their husband on fucking Grindr.” 

Amy didn’t agree with Taylor’s sentiment and so began their bickering. 

It wasn’t Louis’ idea to go on Grindr whatsoever, but Amy is persistent and they all found a bit of fun in messing around on an app like that because they were childish. The websites Zayn suggested were all for Boomers that were a little out of touch—they needed a break and Louis’ phone connected to the x-ray projector. 

Zayn squeezed him from behind. 

“We can look for speed date nights in the area. I bet Whoops! will have one.” 

He wasn’t supposed to be in here, but he refused to stay home alone after a scary movie and Louis was the authority of the night crew today. He didn’t have a backbone when it came to anything. Zayn dressed in their scrubs to fit the part, just to make Louis feel a little better. 

“What if I’m meant to be alone forever?”

He got a push to his shoulder. “You have me.”

“No,” Louis groaned, tossing his head back on Zayn’s shoulder. “I want to fall in love and be happy.”

“I’ll start looking for singles’ nights.” 

Louis disconnected his phone and opened up the one week’s worth of texts waiting for him, angling his phone away from everyone. 

His heart soared and dropped in the same swoop of the screen.

 come over? ;)

i wanna fuck u baby 

waiting 4 ur pussy

???? i said i wanted to fuck ????

heeeelllllooooo 

y r u doing this to me 

There were a few lewd pictures sent as incentives, but it didn’t make Louis feel any better.

Sleeping with Harry, while a major mood lifter, was also a downer. The bigger part of Louis matured enough to realize that he should spend all this energy on reality and not the fantasy on his screen. The smaller part of Louis still believed in some sense of a dream—the boyfriend dream that painted Harry as his perfect partner. 

It was stupid and it stung and only served to rush Louis into getting over him. Harry didn’t want that because he was still straight and he was not personalized for Louis’ tastes. 

It was still a fantasy, there were no friendships or relationships written for them in the real world. 

He kept the conversation muted and returned back to the chatter around him.

A few singles-themed nights in the nearby bars wouldn’t hurt. 

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Speed-Dating was fucking awful, as expected. 

Louis is dramatic, but it didn’t hurt, as much as he wanted to stab his eyes out. It was extremely disappointing though and it turned for worse when Zayn went home with someone, Liam kept to his girlfriend, and Amy and Taylor seemed to have gotten a tiny step further.

He was destined to be alone. 

Without the comfort of porn, he hadn’t realized just how often he worked. He loved his job, but he’d never felt the exhaustion because he had an outlet. He went to the hospital and did his thing, then he went home and did his thing. It repeated the next day and the one after that and Louis was content on his little hamster wheel.

As it is today, he could barely stand on his feet. 

He volunteered to cover a shift right after the twelve-hour one he just worked and Dr. Umar was running him up and down on surgeries and vaccines.

This was the second time he’d ever been in the closet-turned-bedroom and it wasn’t any warmer than his previous visit. It was taking him too long to doze off and when he finally began to get closer to sleep, he was startled out of the little ball he’d curled into. 

“Uh, Louis?” It was Taylor, her blonde head glowing in the hallway light seeping through the crack in the door. “I’m sorry, doc, but uh. There’s a dude here. To see you? Never seen him in my life, but he says he knows you.”

What? Louis blinked, shoving the rough hospital blanket off him. “What?”

“He has an appointment and he won’t let any of the doctors see his dog. He, uh, he says that you’re his—well, his dog’s doctor. He’s kind of creeping me out, to be honest. Dr. Umar is pissed and Dr. Garcia said she’d call the cops if you wanted her to.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Louis might know who it is, but he was praying it wasn’t. There wasn’t any fucking reason for this, it was ridiculous. 

“Louis, are you safe? Because—”

“I’m fine, love, thank you,” He pinched his brows, willing the aches in his body to go away. “I’ve got the worst fucking luck in the world, that’s all this is.”

And Harry’s a fucking idiot, Louis wanted to scream. He didn’t, mainly because Harry had embarrassed the shit out of them enough times already. 

He rushed past all the techs and staff staring at him like a scorned lover, straight to the commotion going on in the lobby. 

“Your website didn’t give me the option to do that! It’s really not that difficult, just let my dog see her doc and we’ll be on her way. It’s serious. If my dog dies, I’m blasting this place on Twitter and—Louis! Louis, please tell him that you’re Sadie’s doctor and medical expert.”

Harry was standing there, leash in hand and dimple winking at him. He was in the same big hoodie that Louis wanted to drown in and he looked ridiculous with all eyes on him, loudly misbehaving while Sadie sat there happily obedient. He was handsome and stupid.

“Harry,” Louis hissed, putting a hand on one of Liam’s crossed arms. Liam was also handsome and stupid, but Louis might be biased in saying Harry was six degrees hotter. “What are you doing here?”

Harry’s eyes swept over Louis in his baggy scrubs three times before landing on his hand. They narrowed just a bit.

“Tell your buddy here that Sadie is sick and you’re going to help cure her. She doesn’t want the other doctors. This guy doesn’t get it.”

He was sizing Liam up, probably had been the minute they started talking to each other because that’s exactly the thing Harry would do. He must’ve been surprised when Liam returned the favor.

“Harry,” Louis said again, resisting the urge to snap his fingers at him like a dog. “You can’t just talk to my employees like that, apologize and behave yourself or—”

“Louis, who the hell is this guy?” Liam shouldn’t have said anything.

“I’m his boyfriend and he’s my dog’s mom. And she’s really sick and needs his help and you’re refusing her care—”

He might lose his job today. All those years of studying and slaving away for school were thrown away for the mess that this moment was. 

He used all his might to drag Harry away, blocking whatever other exchanges tossed from Liam or Harry, avoiding any contact with any animal or human that bore witness to the tantrum in the lobby.

“Harry, what the fuck is your problem? Do you realize what you just did right now? You completely embarrassed me in front of everyone I work with, making me look unprofessional and crazy, and for what reason, I don’t—”

“Is that guy your boyfriend?” Harry stopped observing the makings of Louis’ office to pin him down with a raised brow. Sadie sniffed around for the box of treats hidden in his drawer. He picked up the framed photo of Louis and Zayn on his desk. “This guy your boyfriend?”

“No, what? For fuck’s sake Harry, can you stop talking and listen to what I’m saying?”

“You got a boyfriend?”

“No, now will you shut up—”

“So then why have you been ignoring me? I’ve sent you thirty texts in the last two hours alone, you don’t seem to be that busy—”

“You mean to tell me that all of this behavior is because I haven’t answered your texts?”

Harry grinned, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. “When you say it like that, it sounds kind of odd.”

“Because it is, Harry!” Louis covered his face with his elbow, trying to ground himself. His life was fake. “Is there actually something wrong with Sadie?”

“Uh, yeah. She’s being weird and she’s sick.” He even wasn’t trying to be good at lying, but he looked satisfied enough as he rocked back and forth on his dirty vans. 

When he bent down to take a look at her, Sadie came easily to him, covering him in kisses and licks. He inspected her paw, which had healed nicely, and her ears were fine. Her teeth were also fine, no lumps in her belly or throat, her eyes were clean. There was nothing wrong with her. 

“There’s nothing wrong with her, Harry.”

Harry had the decency to look a little sheepish, but his recovery was pretty quick. “You fixed her! Just like that, see? That’s why I couldn’t go to another vet, you’ve got the magic touch.”

“I’m serious,” Louis scolded, standing to his full height. “What do you want from me? You’re being weird and creepy and you were the one who was worried that I would act out.”

“I know the sex was good. It was damn good, like really fucking good, we-should-do-it-again type of amazing. So why are you ignoring me? And why haven’t we done it again?”

Louis didn’t feel most time, but now was definitely one of those times. Never in a million years would this have happened. How could all of mankind’s accomplishments dominoed into this moment?

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me right now. You can’t just show up to my job about this stuff. You do realize that you’re still going to have to pay for this appointment?”

“Alright,” Harry agreed easily. “It’s no different from when you would pay for my porn.”

“Shut up,” Louis hissed, attempting to busy himself with the reports on his desk. His office wasn’t the messiest it’s ever been, but it was still unorganized. “You could’ve got me fired.”

“You know,” Harry put a hand on his hip, a frown etched on his face. “For someone who was such a big fan, you don’t seem like it. I’m really offended right now.”

“Because I’m not bending to your every whim and command? This is my career, idiot. There’s more to my life than having sex with someone I used to watch to get off.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry pouted, coming around to sit in Louis’ office chair. He was too close to him now and all of the fight Louis had in him was beginning to fade away. “I didn’t know what else to do and that guy in the lobby is a dick.”

“Liam’s not a dick, he’s nice. You were being pushy. Inside an animal hospital, a place where you have no business being pushy.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry tried again. “Can you tell me why you’ve been ignoring me now?”

Louis shrugged, focusing on the blur of letters in front of him and not the spread of Harry’s legs on his office chair. “I don’t know.”

“Well don’t ignore me.”

“Uh, okay? I still don’t get why you’re doing all this. The sex was good and that’s it, isn’t it? I thought I don't know, our time is up?”

“So you’re telling me that you get to watch years' worth of my sex online and I only get one shot at blowing your back out? I wish you would’ve told me that beforehand, then I really would’ve dicked you down.”

He needed to stop talking. He needed to move out of the country, delete his digital footprint, and live off the grid entirely. 

“I never understand anything that comes out of your mouth.”

“Why can’t we have fun with each other? You had fun, I had fun. Why not?”

“Why not as in we should continue to have sex with each other?”

“Yeah,” Harry lifted a shoulder. “We can have sex, hang out, chill, whatever. It’ll be fun.”

“You don’t get tired of sex? Don’t you want to have sex with women?”

“Why would I get tired of sex?” Was he a sex addict? “No, I’m not a sex addict. The sex on the cameras isn’t real sex. It’s all acting, adult acting. Like I mean, it is sex, but it’s not sex sex. It’s different. It’s like a job. I’m working like you are. Mine just ends in a creampie.”

Louis’ face was permanently flushed around Harry, all the way down to his chest. 

“Okay, right. Aren’t you straight?” Harry was straight. Unless he somehow lied to the entire internet about how much he likes pussy, he was straight.

“A good time is a good time. A hole is a hole. What does it matter that I’m straight?”

Louis’ knee wobbled. Barely. Everything was fine.

“That doesn’t sound straight to me.”

Harry groaned and tossed his head back. He looked more comfortable in Louis’ office than he did, swiveling back and forth. “What does it matter that I want to have sex with you? You’re pretty, like a girl, and you moan like one, too. It’s your fault, not mine.”

“Stop talking like that, I’m at work,” Louis gritted between his teeth, shoving a pile of papers into a random drawer. Sadie had found a rope toy and was hiding under the desk, oblivious to her owner’s stupidity and Louis’ torture. “I still don't get it.

“You don’t have to get everything! Literally, you just have to sit on my dick and we can be friends too if you want. I’m not just using you for sex, we can eat food or whatever if that makes you feel less used.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?”

“Oh. My. God. Do you ever just stop overthinking and let yourself be a little wild? It’s okay to do things, Louis. Really.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Harry blew out a breath, interlacing his fingers on his lap. Louis was still standing awkwardly, fluttering around under the gaze of a determined man. 

“So you really are a doctor?” He pointed his chin at the certificates lining the walls. 

“Uh, yeah? I mean, it’s veterinary science, so I’m not a—”

“You’re pretty smart, then?” 

Louis had to get back to work. There was a surgery he was scheduled to perform in two hours and he had to get ready for it and he was pretty sure he was going to have to count the time wasted in here as his lunch break. 

“I guess, I think intelligence and ‘being smart’ is subjective, though.”

“Were you a nerd in school?”

“I did alright, I think. You just have to pass the board exams really. And have really good connections. Uh, are you considering a career in veterinary science, maybe?”

Harry laughed, shaking his head a thousand times. “I fucking hated school. I only finished it because I had to. I think intelligence is fucking sexy though. I’m pretty hard right now.”

Louis’ eyes widened in horror and he couldn’t help himself from glancing down. It was supposed to be a quick check, just a second’s peek, but he had to do a double-take once he confirmed that Harry was in fact hard. 

What the fuck?

He had to get back to work. 

“You’re so fucking weird,” Louis grimaced. “I’ve have to get back to work and make up for the chaos you created. Take Sadie and go home and I’ll text you when I’m not at work, where I’m supposed to be a professional because I am a professional.”

“Ugh,” Harry stomped a foot. “I wanted you to blow me in your office with your scrubs on.”

“Stop being weird and go away. And make sure you apologize to everyone on your way out, you idiot. Without a stiffy.”

He left Harry alone to cackle in his office, shutting the door with a click, the harsh hospital light blinding his eyes for a second. He was back in reality, every step he took on the laminate floors grounding him again.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

“Do you think this looks good?” Zayn was sketching something for something, a work thing that he’s lost sleep for. 

Louis thought everything he created was amazing and way better than just good, but Zayn’s harshest critic was himself. His drawing of a cartoonish girl with pink hair and brown skin was cute.

“You know I think it looks good, babe. She’s adorable. Maybe change her hair part?” He was never a fan of dramatic side parts. It only took Zayn three seconds to fix it.

“Ugh, what would I do without you?” His beautiful face was giving Louis the puppy pout through the mirror. His best friend could be a model if he wanted to.

“Have a character with an ugly side part.” Louis was fixing his fringe as he said it, ruffling it and trying to make it look presentable. 

“See? You can’t leave me, for the sake of me and my characters.”

“Do I look alright?” He stood there lamely, sticking his arms out by his sides and twisting his hips to show himself off. 

He wasn’t dressed in anything special, but he was going out with the intention of looking effortlessly beautiful and it was proving to be more difficult than ever. His pants were loose fitting and his shirt was a little tighter, but still comfortable enough for Louis to breathe normally. His shoes were clean, his jacket was warm.

He was casual, but he was cool. He was cool, right?

“You always look gorgeous, love. That prick better appreciate you and treat you exactly how you deserve. He’s lucky I don’t march my arse over there right now and give him a piece of my mind.”

“I think your voice messages made that pretty clear.”

When Louis had told Zayn about Harry’s public outburst, Zayn ran away with his phone and gave Harry a piece of his mind. Or two. Or three minutes' worth of it. And then harassed him on Instagram. Louis was mortified to tears, but Harry laughed it off and apologized. 

“Yeah, well, you can never be too sure. He’s an idiot.”

“So I look fine?”

Zayn put aside his iPad to squeeze Louis, cradling his head like a baby. “Louis Tomlinson, you are literally so beautiful, I get jealous sometimes. Just a little though, I’m happy that you’re so pretty. This date is a little unconventional, but I’ve got to let you spread your wings.”

“It’s not a date,” Louis’ voice was muffled against Zayn’s shoulder and he had to force an inch between them to be heard properly. “It’s not a date. We’re going for lunch.”

“He’s paying for it.”

“Yeah, because he owes me after that stunt he pulled. And probably because he wants to get in my pants again.”

Zayn patted his bum firmly. “Don’t let him in.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket. “That’s probably him, I’ve got to go, deary.” He was trying to pull away from his best friend’s grasp, fighting his way to the front door.

“Stop fighting me, you’re not finished yet! You’re forgetting perfume, chapstick, and your bag. The bag that has your keys in it. And your wallet. Were you just going to leave without all of that?”

Louis grimaced, forgetting that he was half-ready at best, but he gave his friend the sweetest smile he could muster. “What would I do without you?”

Zayn welcomed him back into his arms like a mother helping her child put their shoes on.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

He remembered to check the message on his phone while sitting on the bus, confused at what he was reading. 

heeyyyy running a little late, meet here instead, thx ;)

It was a studio building and it wasn’t too far off from where they were supposed to meet. Harry hadn’t answered his texts after that and he felt weird standing outside on the sidewalk, so he waltzed into the area. 

The receptionist gave him an odd look when he said he wasn’t sure what floor Harry was on. 

“Well, what does he do for work?”

Everything clicked into place when she asked, the studio area and the lack of response on Harry’s part. What else could Harry be doing right now?

He was in the building where Harry recorded porn videos. The porn videos he was paying for and watching religiously up until a few weeks ago. He didn’t register the floor number he was being directed to until her hand waved in his face. 

“Eight floor. Hon, it’s probably the eighth floor.” 

The expression on his face probably said everything she needed to know. Harry wasn’t in finance or teaching or writing or food service. He was in porn.

And that wasn’t a problem for Louis. They weren’t even dating, as much as Louis had dreamed otherwise. 

The elevator ride was both too long and too short, too suffocating and too wide. 

He was contemplating calling Zayn to come to pick him up, but the ding and the opening of the metal doors cut any regret short. 

The only door that made sense for Louis to knock on was the one with PornHub Adult Film Studio B in the name tag and he couldn’t even rap his knuckles on the door because Niall greeted him.

“Hi, Louis! Harry told me you’d be coming up. I was just getting ready to leave, myself. How are you?”

“Uh, I’m doing good. What about you?” He really liked Niall, from the one interaction they had. Niall had also followed him on Instagram, which was a little strange, but he liked him.

It was hard trying not to peek at what the fuck was happening in the room. There were sounds that were typical of sex—loud moaning, heavy breathing—and there was also a few voices shouting out directions and other film-language mutters that weren’t usually in sex. At least in the sex Louis’ had. 

“Can’t complain. This fucking idiot forgot his apartment keys. I always tell him to keep his keys together and he never listens to me. He didn’t even lock his apartment, you’d think he’d realize then.”

So Niall didn’t just watch his best friend fuck on camera for fun. 

“Sounds like something Harry would do. I don’t know how you put up with it.”

“It’s not by choice, I’ve tried to get rid of him. You’re here of your own free will,” Niall winked. 

It didn’t seem like it was Louis’ free will. Harry was pushy and there was something that kept dragging Louis back to him, but it didn’t feel like free will. It felt like witchcraft. 

“We’ve got to hang out sometime. I’ll get your number from Harry and we’ll talk. I promise you I’m not as annoying as he is.”

Louis let out a weak laugh that gets interrupted by a shout. 

“Leave him the fuck alone, get out of the doorway!” It was Harry, his voice echoing around the studio. Niall rolled his eyes, throwing up a middle finger behind his back. 

“He’s a fucking tosser. Love him, though. You take care, I’ll see you soon, alright?” He was enveloped in a hug and Louis really, really liked Niall. He was so nice.

He took a step inside and the set looked like a bedroom, a big kingsized right in the middle with nightstands on the side and a lamp that wasn’t on. It was convincing if it weren’t for the thousands of studio lights and cameras surrounding the half-moon bedroom.

A few of the crew sent him wary glances, but they were mainly preoccupied with the screens in front of them. Someone told him to stay quiet with an index finger on their lips and he took in everything with unease.

Harry was standing by the bed, naked, and the worst part of it all was that he was still inside the girl bent over on the bed. He was yawning and when he caught Louis’ gaze, he wiggled his eyebrows.

He was beautiful, even when he was fucking someone else. 

It hurt, which was weird because he had no claim to Harry. He had watched Harry perform from his phone millions of times, had literally paid money for it, and it never bothered him then. The jealousy was silly. Having sex with him once didn’t mean anything, but it was pricking at his nerves more than ever. 

He felt a little sick. 

He sent a little wave to Harry, who gave him a big enough smile that his top teeth were barely showing. Louis might have been cured of any discomfort. 

“We’re clear. That’s a wrap everyone, thank you!” A man from somewhere in the room called out and he cut across the line between the scene and the magic behind it to talk to both the girl and Harry.

Louis had never seen her before and his mind ran through a galaxy of questions about who she could have been and how he compared to her. He was being stupid and childish.

The conversation seemed serious, Harry’s face twisted in concentration as he nodded along every so often, and when it finally ended with handshakes all around, he tried not to jump Harry’s bones.

Harry had a robe on and he was wiping his sweat away with the sleeve of it as he made his way over.

“Hey,” He said, the dimple that Louis dreamed about right there just for him. “What did ya think? Sorry, you couldn’t see the real stuff. We fell behind a little bit and I didn’t want you waiting at some restaurant alone.”

Louis would rather not see it in action. He was in further than he thought he was.

“It’s cool, it’s not what I was expecting.” That was a decent response. It was honest.

“I forgot to text you what floor, sorry. Got carried away. I’m gonna clean up and then we can head to my car.”

“You have a car?” That was probably the craziest thing about him. Who the fuck drives a car in the city? Driving was Louis’ worst nightmare and thinking about parking made him cry.

Harry lit up. “Yeah, she’s great. You don’t drive?”

Louis threw him a crazy look. “I’d rather die. I don’t even have my license.”

It was Harry’s time to return the expression. “You don’t have your license?”

“What the fuck do I need a car for when there’s public transportation?”

The laugh that escaped Harry’s mouth was both endearing and scary, maybe more of the latter judging from the crew.

“I’m going to get dressed, I’ll be done in a few.”

It took him longer than it needed to; he was only wearing shorts and a tee. He seemed like he was talking to everyone and their mother on his journey, but Louis kept busy observing people flutter around the set.

Harry smelled fucking amazing though, his intoxicating smell made it hard for Louis to focus on the conversation they made on their way to the parking garage. 

“It was Kat’s first movie with our production company, so they wanted to keep it simple. I think they were so focused on making it perfect that it took fucking forever. It was so boring. I can’t imagine how shit it would’ve been if they made us do a scene that had more plot.”

Louis didn’t really care about Kat and he decided to not let himself be bothered because Harry held the door open to his black car for him and Kat probably had to take the bus home. It was mean, but no one could read his mind. 

The car made it harder for Louis to escape the scent of Harry’s cologne and natural body odor. He just smelled really strong and it was too fucking good to be legal. 

He couldn’t even focus on how attractive Harry looked driving, one hand on the wheel while the other hung over the center consol, sunglasses on and his jaw catching Louis’ eye with every chew of his gum.

There was a cross hanging from the rear mirror and small things decorating the car that made it Harry’s. 

“There’s the spot, on the left,” Harry pointed out. Louis didn’t even know how long they’d been in the car for, but this wasn’t the spot they were originally supposed to go to. 

He tried to remember what the hell they had talked about, but he was distracted when Harry put the car in reverse. He was backing into a parking stall, the space already cramped and tiny because they lived in a city. He was backing into a parking stall that Louis wouldn’t even be able to pull into, with one hand and whistling a tune. 

He was so fucking hot, he didn’t even realize it. 

“We’re here,” Harry sang, putting the car in park and snatching the keys from the ignition. 

Harry liked to talk. He knew how to shut up, but Louis didn’t want him to and so he kept chasing every piece of conversation just to listen to his voice.

“Mashed potatoes are a classic dish, you cannot ever go wrong with that,” Harry advised over the brim of their shared menu. “If a place fucks that dish up, it’s not a good spot to eat at and you should never go back.”

“Says who? What if I don’t care for mashed potatoes?”

“It’s the golden rule. But if you don’t like mashed potatoes, then you should never leave your house.”

Louis hid his laugh behind his knuckles, ignoring every flutter in his tummy.

“What have you been up to today?”

Nothing. He and Zayn slept in and then they watched a random show they were hooked on. He only got up when it was time to leave. He told Harry as much. 

“You should’ve watched Sadie for me. Niall’s upset with her because she chewed through a pair of trainers. They were fucking ugly, in her defense.”

“She’s too big for my apartment. I think she’d go crazy there.”

His apartment was small, but it was cozy and it was cheap. It was the third place that they’d lived in since college and they loved it, dingy smelly hallway be damned. 

“Bummer. Don’t want you in my apartment alone, you might steal my boxers.” 

It wasn’t a funny joke, but Louis giggled anyways, tossing a fry at him from across the table. 

“You’d gift them to me before I stole anything of yours. You’re a weirdo.”

Harry winked, picking up the fry that fell on the table and shoving it in his mouth. “I love my fans, what can I say?”

“Have you met any fans other than me? Don’t flatter yourself too much, love. You’re not that handsome.”

“I don’t have to be handsome, my dick does. And we both know how sexy you think that thing is.” Louis threw another fry at him. “I have, actually. Women are a little scary when they’re determined.”

“I can’t imagine. I honestly don’t even know how you’re okay with this,” Louis motioned between them. “You’re more okay with this than I am.”

Harry shrugged. “You’re cool. And you’re pretty, that helped your favor a bit.”

Louis’ cheeks colored and he took a sip of his lemonade. “You’re the biggest sweet talker I know.”

“You really are beautiful. Scout’s honor. There’s no way you don’t know that.” 

He was attractive, he felt that on some days. He just wasn’t anything special. 

“Louis,” Harry said seriously, leaning forward on the chair. “You are insanely gorgeous. I’m not even gay and I still want to sleep with you.”

“You’re being persistent because you want to get in my pants again,” Louis pointed out. He deflected the subject by pointing out something on the menu he might order and Harry let him drop it in the meantime. 

When the waitress came to take their orders, Harry held her back from taking the ticket to kitchen. 

“Sorry to keep you, love,” Harry smiled, charm in full affect. “Mya? Can I call you Mya?”

The girl was obviously flustered, nodding her head. She had a look in her eyes that reminded Louis of himself, hopeful and dreamy. He wasn’t even upset with her. 

“The boyfriend here doesn’t believe he’s beautiful, no matter how many times I tell him. Isn’t he ridiculous? Anyways, isn’t he gorgeous? I mean, look at those eyes. Prettiest things ever.” 

Mya’s head nodded rapidly, despite the disappointment falling on her shoulders. “Yes, I agree.”

“See?” Harry raised an eyebrow. “Thank you, Mya. We’re sorry to bother, but you’re doing an excellent job managing our table. Absolutely stellar.”

He sent her off with a wave and a smile before dropping them both to look at Louis.

“I told you so. I’m not a liar. Sometimes.”

Louis rolled his eyes, pretending the blush on his cheeks wasn’t because he was endeared by the whole thing. Harry was insane. 

Wait, boyfriend? 

“You said boyfriend. That’s not the first time you’ve said something like that.” Louis sounded accusatory—what he was accusing Harry of, he had no idea. His heart was hammering out of his chest and he wondered what Harry would do with it once it finally burst out of his body.

Harry took a sip of his water, licking his bottom lip before thinking of a response. 

“Would you rather I introduced you as ‘this guy I want to have sex with who also happens to watch my porn’ or?”

He was like Mya, disappointment brushing his shoulders before slamming down completely. 

“You could not say anything.”

Harry smirked, brushing his foot against Louis’ under the table. “I’ll think about it next time.”

Next time. 

Louis wondered if next time, Harry would pay for the tab like he did today, if he’d drive him home and walk him up the stairs and finish their time off with a kiss. If next time, Harry would hold his hand and maybe call refer to him as boyfriend and mean it.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

There happens to be a lot of next times.

Next times happen at the park, at different shops around the city, on grocery trips, Target runs, random trips to each other’s jobs, proper introductions to Niall and Zayn. There are countless next times.

Each time, the title of friendship and nothing more becomes apparent and stagnant. 

Sadie’s between his legs, cuddling right onto his stomach. She took up more space on the couch than Louis did and she covered more than half his body and she was starting to snore a little louder, but Louis loved the affection.

It was cold and she kept the parts of him that the fire couldn’t reach warm. She slept through the flops of her ears that Louis waved back and forth. 

He was tipsy. He always felt like he was dripping honey when he was tipsy, slow and steady and silly and sticky and sleepy. He’s watching the fire, trying to ignore the warmth of the flames that burned his cheeks when he faced it and the burn of Harry’s stare. 

Zayn went to help his sister move into her dorm three states away, Louis didn’t want to be alone for three nights, Harry offered him an empty room. It seemed like a good idea, they were in a good spot. Louis didn’t feel as heartbroken anymore. 

It was an electric fireplace, but it was real enough to Louis. He could feel the flames on his bare foot when he closed his eyes, dipping in into the atmosphere of heat and raising it up and down like he’s petting the thick air from the flame.

The glow of the red and orange and specks of yellow made Harry look intimidating, his stare unnerving and too intense for Louis to look at. 

“Would you ever consider being gagged?”

Louis couldn’t squirm as much as his body ached to. Harry had been prodding him with questions since they’d both finished their third beer, the box of Modelos on the floor by Harry’s socked foot. 

He was in a hoodie and shorts, only in the hoodie because Louis insisted it was too cold to be shirtless. He didn’t think he could be around him if he wasn’t covered.

They were both different kinds of tipsy. Harry was a nosy bastard. 

Louis shrugged his shoulders. Most of his responses were the same because he’d do whatever Harry wanted him to do. Almost everything sounded better if Harry was making him do it. 

“What about hot wax?”

He made a face. He loved candles, but he wasn’t going to get his body burned. He shook his head. 

“You know,” Harry interrupts, voice gruff enough to startle Louis. His eyes aren’t on Louis’ own anymore, they’re staring at a spot near Louis’ ankle maybe. “I’ve never been into feet.”

Louis’ movements halted, frozen in the air, burning above an imaginary flame. His wide blues locked onto Harry’s dark ones and for a moment, he was back in the black space that he was in when they’d had sex for the first time. 

He put his foot back on the carpet, digging in the soft fuzz timidly. 

Harry stood up and Sadie grumbled at him, scurrying away to the kitchen to hide under the dining table. 

“You should get to bed, Louis.”

Louis. These days, he only used his full name when he meant something, when what he was saying was serious.

He was supposed to sleep in Harry’s bedroom and Harry would take the couch, but Louis didn’t want that. He wanted Harry again, he wanted him so badly he was ready to whine for it. 

“Come on,” Harry said above him, the gloss on his shorts blocking Louis’ view of the electrical fireplace. “I’ll help you.”

He held his hands out for Louis to grab, but Louis didn’t want that. He pressed his face into Harry’s kneecap, his nose tickled by the leg hair it landed upon. 

“Louis, don’t.”

He wanted to laugh because Harry started it, didn’t he? And the hand petting his hair wasn’t telling him to stop it. 

“You’re drunk.”

He wasn’t drunk, he was tipsy. Alcohol or not, Louis always wanted Harry. 

“We should fuck.” The words surprised the logical part of Louis’ brain, the one that said he was being dumb and reckless and ruining all the walls he had built. The words were exactly what the tipsy side of his brain wanted to say, bold and confident and ready to bend over now if he needed to.

Harry’s hand stopped. 

“Don’t say things like that, Louis.”

“But you can say shit like that the whole night to me? Isn’t this what you wanted?” His hair was being gripped a little too roughly to be done without intent. 

“You don’t want this. You’ve been drinking.”

“I do want this,” Louis whined, nuzzling his nose further and trying to get under Harry’s shorts. “I’ve wanted this longer than you have. Want to always be fucked by you. Please?”

He brought his head out of its hiding spot, pouting up at Harry. 

“Louis.”

“Stop overthinking and just live a little. Don’t you ever just have fun?”

“Shut up,” Harry hissed at him, pulling his hair all the way back, giving right into where Louis wanted him. “You don’t get to talk to me like that, brat.”

“I’m sorry, Harry,” He pouted again. “I just want you to fuck me.”

He reached out to touch Harry’s dick, already half-hard and saying hello to Louis through the thin material of the shorts. It was firm and warm and Louis wanted to taste it again. 

Harry gave him a shove to the couch before settling right beside him, looking grumpy and handsome and a little ridiculous with a boner. Louis couldn’t reach him with his arms, but he was still smart.

He placed his foot right in Harry’s lap, savoring the gulp and the nervous glance that Harry shared with what was happening on his crotch. 

Louis had never given a footjob, didn’t even know if it was a thing or not, but he was determined. And he was smart. And horny. He was so fucking horny. 

He used his big toe to run up and down the length of it, tracing the shape lightly, getting used to the way it felt for him. It was exciting, knowing that something like his foot was enough to rile Harry up.

“Louis,” Harry warned, grabbing his ankle with one hand. It was small enough that Harry’s thumb met his other digits around it, squeezing roughly and stopping Louis. 

Louis had two feet though and he giggled when he crept the other one up slowly, using both of his feet to rub Harry to full hardness.

“Please, daddy,” Louis pouted again. “Let me see your cock. Get it out for me, please. I promise I can make you feel good.”

Harry couldn’t even look at him, heaving out a heavy sigh as he shoved his shorts down enough to free himself. Louis giggled to egg him on even more. 

It was already wet with precum, jumping under the attention of Louis’ feet. He ran the head over the arch of his foot, watching for the signs of Harry’s arousal. He kept biting his lip, his breathing was erratic, his knuckles were white against the couch. 

He kept going for a bit, but he wanted Harry’s attention on him. He wanted to look into Harry’s eyes and see just a fraction of what he made Louis feel. 

It only made sense for Louis to start touching himself. He parted his legs just enough for his hand to slide in, right past his cock and to his hole. He didn’t even get to put a finger inside before he was snatched into Harry’s lap, finally meeting the gaze of the man he wanted most. 

He smiled and giggled again because Harry looked angry and wrecked and out of control. He was always in control during sex, Louis had seen it firsthand, but now he was powerless. 

“Take your clothes off.” 

He was already ripping them off of Louis anyways, tearing a seam in Louis’ baggy sweats and almost shredding his shirt. He left him naked on his lap, glowing under the fireplace light.

Louis didn’t know what Harry’s plan was, but it wasn’t going to happen. He was in charge here, he was calling the shots. 

And if Harry didn’t want to fuck Louis, that was fine. Louis could do a million other things.

He reached behind him, grappling Harry’s cock and lining it right between his cheeks. He swiveled his hips, rising slowly and falling even slower, wanting Harry to feel every time the head of his dick caught on Louis’ hole. 

“You’re so big,” Louis murmured, guiding Harry’s hands to his bum. “Last time, you left me gaping open. Your cock was so big it had me open for days. Did you see it?”

Harry didn’t say anything, just watched Louis with untrusting eyes. His mouth was open and his cheeks were flushed, and he looked like Louis. The satisfaction bubbling in Louis’ veins was better than any orgasm he would have tonight. 

“I asked you a question,” Louis frowned, bringing a finger up to Harry’s chin. “Answer me.”

He mimicked the movements on Harry’s mouth until the man finally pushed away, clearing his throat. 

“Yeah, I did.” His voice was whinier than Louis’ ever heard it and Louis smiled at him sweetly. 

“What did you think of it?” He traced a circle with his hips, Harry’s cock still trapped between him, following every shape he made.

“It was—Shit, Louis.” The moan he made sounded like it wasn’t meant to be let out like Louis had the power to make him force out noises he’s never made before. “It was beautiful and hot. I wouldn’t shut up about it.”

Louis hummed, grinding roughly before slowing down again. “What do you mean you wouldn’t shut up about it?” Harry turned away, dropping his gaze to Louis’ body, but Louis wasn’t having it. “Tell me.”

“I talked about gaping in a video I made on OnlyFans, a couple of them. Was thinking about your hole the whole time.” Harry looked embarrassed, nose twitching as he groaned with every grind on his cock, and Louis loved it.

“What did you say?”

“About how I wanted to fill you up, dump my cum in you all day so I could watch it leak from you. Never want your hole to close up, just want to fuck it all the time. Put a baby in you, maybe."

Louis blushed, trying to keep his composure. He wasn’t good at dirty talk, but Harry was an expert and that would be the only thing he’d be doing tonight. 

It sounded like Harry was getting closer, his hips jumping to chase after more grinding, to speed up the pace that wasn’t fast enough for him. “Jerk off on my face.”

He stood from Harry’s lap on wobbly legs, wiggling them a little before getting ready to bend them again, but he was pulled towards Harry’s face. 

He was being kissed, hard and full of tongue and passion and heat. It was dizzying, it was almost strong enough to snap Louis out of the confident stupor he was stuck in, but Harry pulled them apart with a string of saliva connecting them.

“Daddy’s good girl,” He gasped, spanking Louis’ ass before sending him on his way down. 

Louis blinked into the reality set before him, focusing on the way Harry brought his cock closer to Louis’ face, the hand wrapped around it rapidly firing away. 

“Thought about how bad I wanted you. How every time I see you in your scrubs, I want to make you crawl around for me and make you dumb for my dick. And every time I shove my cock in someone else’s hole, all I can think about is how bad I want yours instead.”

Louis swallowed the nerves and the heartbeat and the butterflies fighting their way up his throat, trying to stay calm and pretend like Harry’s admission was just sextalk. That’s all this was to Harry and that’s all it was for him, too. 

“You’re so pretty, I want to look at you all the damned time. Want to make a mess of you and put you together again and again and again.”

He was ready, his hand covered in his own mess over the weight of Harry’s words, over the fantasy that Louis had already created in his head. He orgasmed over the idea that maybe they could work something out, maybe there was a next step.

“Wanna mark you with my name, make you mine, and walk you around everywhere so everyone can see my pretty doll. You’re mine, only mine. Gonna keep you forever.”

He closed his eyes, listening to the grunts and groans Harry was making. He was finishing, the last of his moans sounding guttural, coming in between breathless pauses and gasps for air. 

Ribbons of cum painted Louis’ face, landing on his eyelashes and his nose and his eyebrows and his forehead and lips and hair. He opened his eyes once he was no longer being splashed, blinking through mops of cum on his eye.

He wiped it away, bringing the finger to his lips to taste it. Louis wanted it in his mouth next time. 

“Did you finish?” Harry asked, dragging the boy up on the couch with him. He found his answer when he looked down at Louis’ soft member in awe, kissing him senseless, cum and sweat and all. “You’re amazing. I owe you one. Where the hell did all that come from?”

Louis shrugged sheepishly, curling into Harry’s lap to get away from his attention. 

“Holy shit,” Harry laughed, the hands on Louis’ bare body wrapped around him with pride. “You are fucking amazing.”

They sat in silence for a bit, Harry making work at wiping away Louis’ face with the sleeve of his hoodie, giving him supportive squeezes and kisses and massages whenever he felt like it.

Louis didn’t know what happened, but suddenly, his emotions were eating him alive. He couldn’t do this, this wasn’t all he wanted to amount to and it wasn’t fair to either one of them. He couldn’t just have sex and pretend it didn’t mean anything like he hadn’t been craving a real date since he first subscribed to his channel. 

Harry was allowed to say whatever he wanted, fuck whoever he wanted, but he couldn’t hang out with Louis and be his friend and then fuck around with him just because it was fun. This all meant more to Louis than that and he was stupid for trying something like this, to begin with. 

He could only blame himself and he felt fucking stupid.

“Did you mean all that stuff you were saying earlier?”

“The stuff I said like five minutes ago? Yeah, I did.” He was quiet for a moment. “I only lie sometimes, that wasn’t one of those times.”

Where had all the courage he had disappeared to? 

“So I’m yours?”

They were taking long pauses in their conversation, letting the silence speak more for them than they could. They were both aware of the danger that lay ahead, like a balloon they were filling up that they were just waiting to explode. 

“I’d say. Don’t really want you to be anybody else’s.”

Silence, again. The fireplace was artificial, that much was obvious when the goosebumps and shivers dancing across Louis’ forearms kept creeping in.

“Are you mine?”

Harry let his fingers trace shapes into Louis’ skin, patterns Louis didn’t have the heart to figure out or pay attention to. He was being broken into smaller pieces with every passing moment.

“I don’t know, Louis. Am I?”

“I’d like you to be.” There was the honest truth.

“I don’t think you do.” Harry didn’t move, but Louis did. He was ready to scream at him, to beg him for one chance, to let him love him the way that he’d been waiting for.

“How could you say that? You don’t know what I think.”

His anger was evident, but so were the brokenness and the sadness. Harry waited longer.

“So you’ll be okay when I go off to work and I fuck ten girls in a day because that’s my job? My job is to have sex with women, with sexy chicks that have tits and a pussy and that can get me off in the blink of an eye. You’re okay with that, Louis?”

Harry’s anger was louder, rumbling against Louis’ ear. Louis stood up, shoving his legs into his sweats and shoving his hoodie over his head. He couldn’t be any more naked.

“I’ve known that was your job longer than you’ve known about me, Harry, and I’ve been fine with it. I don’t care that you’re going to have sex because that’s your job.”

“So then why are you making a big fucking deal out of this? What’s the matter with the way things have been?” Harry stood up, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Are we dating? If someone asked you, would you say that I was your boyfriend?”

Harry ran a hand through the mess of hair on his head, scratching it and pulling it. “No, I wouldn’t because I don’t see what the big deal is. Who cares if I don’t call you my boyfriend? We know what we have and that shouldn’t be affected by other people.”

“Because of your job, Harry. You’re a pornstar. You have sex. That label matters because you can have sex with girls, but you only have one partner that you go home to and that means more to you than whatever you do on camera. It matters to me and if you can’t give me that piece of stability then I don’t want anything to do with you.”

Louis wasn’t sure when he started crying, but he was crying and he felt embarrassed and he wanted to go home.

“You want nothing to do with me? Really? That’s fucking great,” Harry swore, grabbing a pillow only to throw it back on the couch. He was mean when he was angry and he was irrational and he wasn’t listening to Louis, he only wanted to hurt him.

“It hurts my feelings, Harry. I like you, a lot. Like more than we both probably realize. I want a relationship with a future. I don’t want to be another sex thing that you’ll get bored of eventually. We want different things and that’s okay, it’s fine.”

“So that’s it? Seriously, Louis?”

“I’m going to go down to Niall’s apartment, goodnight Harry.”

Louis let out a shaky breath once he shut the door, listening to the sounds of Harry throwing things around and cursing at the walls. He didn’t stop crying until Zayn came home three days later, surprised to see him in their apartment and not still at Harry’s.

He didn’t stop crying for a long time because he loved Harry and not getting to do anything about it felt like fucking shit. He had all these feelings and wants and they would never get to happen.

He fucking loved Harry and Harry was too stubborn to love him back. Louis had come to the burning realization that Harry was not perfect, not in the slightest. But still, despite the tattered image Louis now had of him, he still thinks Harry was the most beautiful work of art he had bore witness to. 

He still loved Harry.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

The days go by only because they have to.

They weren’t going to wait for Louis to wake up without a headache and a heartache, or for him to finally stop feeling like the world was going to cave in on him. None of his patients could halt their treatments for him to get off the ground, and his landlord wasn’t going to stop asking for the rent money so Louis could breathe normally again.

He had to keep going because everything else did.

It was really fucking hard. 

Zayn was being helpful, cuddling and loving and supporting him with everything he needed, like food and baths and blankets and kisses. Amy, Taylor, Liam, and even Dr. Umar, and Dr. Garcia made sure to be careful around him, avoiding giving him any cases that would make him burst into tears. 

His social media was purged of Harry and his number was blocked. 

He tried not to scream about it.

He was recovering slowly and had recognized his progress when everyone at the hospital complimented him on how lovely he looked. 

There were days when he felt like he was never going to be loved, where he cried because Harry was Harry and of course, he wouldn’t love Louis back. Why would he, when he was surrounded by people who adored him in the way that he wanted to be adored? 

Some days, Louis didn’t feel much. He didn’t let himself because that would mean tears or frustration or things that Louis didn’t have the energy to do anymore. 

And then on better days, he thought that this would pass. There wasn’t anything he could do about the situation and moping about it wasn’t going to fix anything. He went on walks, he went out with his friends, and he bought himself expensive dinners. 

He powered through no matter the type of day. 

The hospital was slow today and Louis was exhausted. He hadn’t brought a big enough lunch because he hadn’t known he was going to hold over and he wanted to collapse on the ground. He was catching up on reports and paperwork and his eyes were straining. 

Amy and Taylor were holding hands under the lunch table, thankfully keeping the PDA to a minimum after they were caught making out in the bathroom. Liam was making casts for fun, another tech was trying to teach the puppies in the recovery room how to give paw. 

There was a kitten running around and Louis wasn’t sure how he kept escaping the kennel. 

There was too much happening and not enough. 

He tried to focus on the font in front of him, Times New Roman, size 12. It was a standard report about a cat that came in for a mouth assessment. She needed to get her teeth extracted. He knew what the report should say, but the words were flying in front of him.

He thinks he might be hallucinating and he didn’t want to bother anyone with his crazy eyesight, so he picked up his packet and took a walk around the hospital. 

His office was messy, the other doctors were either on break or didn’t want to be interacted with. There was a patient in room nine that a tech Louis wasn’t familiar with was handling.

The lobby was empty, save for Liam and their receptionist, chatting away about something Louis had no interest in. 

“I’m losing my mind, I think.” He interrupted, waving his packet around. “My eyes hurt and I haven’t eaten anything. Or slept.”

“Should I call Zayn?”

“I don’t want you to worry him, he’s got a big presentation tomorrow about this character he wants to pitch.”

Liam pinched him lightly. “If you pass out, he’s going to be even more stressed.”

“I’m a big boy. I just need to be entertained for a moment.”

Liam pinched him again. “Are you taking care of yourself? Because this doesn’t seem like it.”

“I am,” Louis insisted, pinching him right back. “I know how to—”

The door chime rang, all three of them snapping their heads at the person entering the lobby. They were carrying a big bouquet of flowers, several of them actually, all various volumes and colors. 

They were beautiful flowers and all three of them were gobsmacked when the stranger pulled a trolley full of more flowers behind him.

“Woah,” Liam whispered. “Who do you think it's for?”

“I heard Dr. Garcia has a rich husband.” She was really damn secretive and they knew almost nothing about her other than she was pregnant. And Mexican. 

“But he’s never done something like this before, has he?”

“Maybe he really fucked it up this time,” The receptionist said. He was an eighteen-year-old boy who wasn’t all too good at being a receptionist. He was nice though and Louis liked him enough. 

“Hello, sir,” Liam took charge once the bouquets were placed on the counter and the stranger was close enough to talk to. “Special delivery?”

The stranger struggled for air, peeking his head out between the bouquet heads. 

Louis wanted to scream. And throw a chair. And kick a chair. Run over a chair. Move to a different country. 

“Sup, Liam,” Harry said once he regained his breath. “How are you, buddy?”

Liam narrowed his eyes and if looks could kill, Harry would at the very least be injured right now. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve got a special delivery, didn’t you just say that?”

“I’m going to call the police—”

“I’m not here for you, kid. Where’s Louis?”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Louis spoke, angry arms crossed over his chest. 

Harry looked startled but recovered quick enough to smile at him. “Hi, love. We should talk.”

“About?”

Green eyes darted between the two other men in the room, willing them to leave. They were going to stay, no matter how awkward the conversation might get. Harry had to say what he means and mean what he says.

“About,” Harry stalled, bouncing on his tiptoes. “About us.”

Louis didn’t say anything, letting Harry bask in the awkward silence. It made Louis feel a little better. 

“Louis,” Harry whined a bit, trying his hardest not to pout. 

His stubble was more grown out than it usually is and the mustache he had on his lip might have to become permanent. He was dressed up for once, in slacks and a button-down and his dirty Adidas. His curls weren't windblown and he was still dreamy to Louis.

"I miss you. A lot. And I am sorry for everything I said. I got nervous and I don't know shit about relationships and this will be my first one—if you'll still have me—and I don't know. Speaking to an audience of more than just you and like, a dog or two wasn't in the plan."

"Okay fine," Louis gave in. "Can you please give me and him a few minutes alone? I'll let you know if you need to come back in and kick him out." When the boys left, Harry looked relieved and a little scared. 

"Louis, I'm really sorry. Ever since that night, I've been thinking about what you said and you're completely right. It wasn't fair to you and I just, I really don't know what it comes to being a boyfriend. It's scary and I don't want to fuck anything up more than I already have. And I know that you need to forgive me still and you can take all the time in the world because whenever you're ready, your boyfriend will be right here. If you'll have him—me—back."

Louis studied all the flowers around them. There were a least a dozen vases and a few more bouquets shoved between. Harry was drowning in flower petals.

"What exactly was your plan with all these flowers?"

Harry looked sheepish, scratching the back of his head. "You like flowers, so. Here's a million of them. Because you deserve flowers every day, not just because I was being a dickhead. And as your boyfriend, I will do that."

"Every day?" Louis scrunched his nose. "That's kind of expensive and hard to keep up with.""Then I can make you brownies. Or breakfast in bed. I'll bring you your favorite foods to work, homemade and better-tasting than anywhere else."

"I feel like that's going to be even harder to keep up with."

Harry frowned. "Well, I will love you more than anyone else in the world. Every single day. And I'll make sure you don't forget it. You'll be sick of me."

Louis giggled, reaching out to touch a petal and it seemed to calm some of Harry's nerves.

"You have to take me out on a first date, an official one. And then I'll consider dating you."

"Deal," Harry agreed easily. "Wherever you want to go. We can go right now if you want or I can wait for you to get out of work."

He giggled at him again. "You're silly. I haven't fully forgiven you, but I'll offer you a hug."

Harry didn't hesitate before jumping over the counter and scooping Louis up in his arms, the one bouquet that he had been holding falling to the ground. "I missed you so much. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I have when you were upset with me. Can we please not fight again?"
He was suffocated against his chest, rocked back and forth like a glass doll, but Louis was happy. 

Liam came in with a frown on his face, but Louis could see through it right away. He wasn't as mad as he was playing it up to be. 

"I already told Zayn about all this," He told them, wiggling his finger between the two.

"Oh god," Harry groaned against his forehead. "Zayn's going to cut my balls off."

"He'll get one for sure, I'll stop him before he gets to the second one."

"You're the sweetest thing in the world," Harry mumbled, taking a nibble out of his cheek.

"Please don't kiss in front of me or I'll call Dr. Umar."

Harry's eyes were pleading with him and Louis doesn't think he could ever say no to Harry, so he let Harry lean in and plant the sloppiest kiss in the world. 

"We're going to do that. A lot. Every day. It's in the contract."

Harry was very persistent in remaining true to that. And in telling everyone who would listen to him that they were boyfriends.

It felt fucking amazing to be loved, to feel what it felt like to love Harry and be loved by him. He was still in awe of everything he did, that was something that he wouldn't ever get used to, but he was fucking grateful that the butterflies in his tummy still tickled him every time Harry came across his mind. He got the love he always wanted and the love he always deserved.

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