Chapter Text
Signing up my soul to the devil.
Sabi ng konsensya ko, hesitating, kasi once na ma-upload all these personal details - a photoset of my portrait and whole body, two national identification cards, and curriculum vitae na laman ay walang kinalaman for this job - sa website, bawal na umatras. Fuck me and my digital footprints kung scam man ito.
Ayon nga sa hierarchy of needs ni Abraham Maslow, physiological needs ang first stage na dapat pagtuunan to achieve self-actualization, lalo na ng kumakalam na sikmura.
Ilang buwan na kong di nakakapag-Jollibee. Nagkataon na sa terminal papasok ng campus ay may branch nito. The smell of that fucking fastfood chain. Every time I pass, I shed a tear and that’s coming from a cold hearted bitch like me. At every time din, I try to spend a minute to glare at any children on sight who were slurping the gravy with smile on their faces.
Kapag napapatingin sila sa akin, I communicate telepathically with them through the glassed wall -- savor it bata, in a few years, you’ll be crying about your lost childhood and wallet.
I had already portioned my money to tuition fee, school projects, sapat na daily transpo, and rent to keep me alive for one term. Saan ko kukunin yung budget for 2nd term? Graduating pa ako. Couldn't fucking wait to be out of this urban jungle.
I stared at the molding canvasses sa darkest corner ng bago at maliit kong apartment. I couldn’t stand to take a second look at them after being rejected this summer sa local competitions to earn money. Di ko rin naman kayang itapon.
What if may maka-discover ng artworks ko after dying in my sleep because of hunger? Kadalasan naman ganun di ba, people start to care about your life once you’re dead. Example, Vincent Van Gogh, and of course, our favorite lesbian poet, Emily Dickinson.
Ooooh~ medyo nabuhayan ako sa aking magiging backstory as tortured artist.
My deceitful and missing father would have just shrugged all of these -- Regina, college is stupid anyways, you can manage our business naman. I’ll teach you the ways.
Teach me the ways? The ways to run from your debts and taxes, and abandon your child?
If he only knew how I spent my last cash on hand na 250 pesos to go to the mall to cancel my postpaid plan. Then instead sa mall stalls, I bought a sim from Ate Rubi’s carinderia beside my apartment (don't judge me I thought it would be cheaper) to change my number, buy internet data, calls and texts promos (again so tedious) so I could inform and explain my situation to all my close contacts.
Kasi naman, every single day, summer started and ended, my alarm had been calls from banks and strangers who sounded like from mafia pa ata. Kinailangan ko rin umalis sa condo ko dahil of suspicious strangers constantly following me!
I could have bought a spicy chickenjoy with jolly spaghetti on the side, with upgraded pineapple juice, and spare for jeepney pauwi with that money. Fuck me. It had been 2 months. I missed eating at Wolfgang’s.
I clicked submit and waited for the uploading screen to finish. Hoping makayanan ng 100mb left data ko. Sakto, nang mapuno ang uploading bar, my phone rang. Before I answered, I mulled over the device. carressing its form.
If this website won’t be able to help me, I’d have to sell my iPhone 13 Pro Max and my Macbook Pro as last resort. I groaned.
Fuck! Where the fuck would I put my mirror selfies. I should’ve tried to be an influencer, a vlogger of some sort before all these shit hit the fan. Oh well, maybe in the next life? I wish my other universes were fabulously thriving.
I put the phone on my ear, “Fuck you Xandra, I’ll fucking kill you.”
“Whoa, calm down Regina, what did I do?” I rolled my eyes at her sarcastic tone.
“This is a threat. Kung ano man ang mangyari saken, I’ll make sure you go down with me.”
“Stop overthinking, babe. I told you I tried working there myself. It’s legit money.”
“Yeah fucking legit, pero is it safe? Sasagutin niyo ba ako?”
“Babe, the clients also have to sign up through private recommendations, may health declaration din silang ina-upload.”
“How the heck is this legal in this country?”
“How the heck did your father run your money laundering financial investment company?”
“Tang-ina mo talaga.” Yes, I curse in Tagalog when my frustration and stress were at peak.
“Love you too! Balitaan mo ko pag-naapprove. I know a clinic to get you tested.”
“For free?” Unconsciously came out of me. I winced. Kailangan ko na masanay asking that question.
“Yeah, suki ako. I go there to get checked by the ob-gyne every week so...”
Unbelievable. Not gonna lie, I laughed at her insinuation. The individuals you meet in college were the most fascinating people talaga.
“...update me?” Xandra continued.
“Yes, bitch.” I dropped the call.
Exhaustion flowed through my mind and body. I turned off my data, phone, and macbook. I had to get up early tomorrow, find an ATM para simutin ang last of my savings.
Then siguro takbuhin ko na lang to campus para makatipid, I love running naman. I'd still have time to charge my devices before the first day of term.
I smiled satisfyingly for planning a day of my life which I've never done before.
I went to my single-hung window, latched it open to inhale dusty and warm Manila night air. Then exhaled praying its effect would be stronger immune system. I couldn't afford to be sick in this economy. And country.
And oh, I also need light pala from the - wait where's the moon? Godfuckingdamn it’s new moon.
I frowned at the darkness while computing the days I have to endure this month, bago dumating ang Meralco bill ko.