Archive of Our Own

It was the traveller that brought him the news, of all people.

Kaeya had leisurely been patrolling the area around Mondstadt, until he’d spotted her sprinting towards him like she was being chased by a hoard of hilichurls.  

He couldn’t understand for the life of him why the Knights kept making the poor girl run around doing brainless errands all the time, but he selfishly decided he was rather grateful it was her delivering the message when she revealed to him the true reason for her distress.

Diluc had gotten himself into some serious trouble.

And for some reason, someone had decided to make that his problem. 

Before Kaeya’s brain even had the chance to fully process the information, Lumine and Paimon were already dragging him along towards the city gates. He didn’t get the opportunity to argue or struggle whatsoever, even if he didn’t see the point in going with them.

Diluc was prone to getting himself into all sorts of predicaments, yet he always managed to make his way out of them as well. He didn’t need someone like Kaeya to come and save him. Didn’t want to be saved. It didn’t make any sense as to why they were making such a fuss, unless something was seriously wrong.

It made Kaeya feel sick to the stomach to think about what that meant.

Lumine shot him a worried look as they made their way towards the Knights’ Headquarters, and he wondered if getting him involved had been her idea. Wondered if perhaps she knew he cared more than he let on.

Perhaps he’d opened up to her a little too easily, all too willing to talk even without alcohol to loosen his tongue. Spilling his secrets had never been his style, yet he’d told her all about himself for some reason.

Kaeya blamed the uncanny similarity between their situations, an absent sibling they missed dearly being something they unfortunately had in common. It was inevitable they’d bond over something like that.

Of course the big difference between them was that in Lumine’s case, her sibling likely still wanted to be found. Wanted her to reach out to him.

When it came to him and Diluc, no such thing applied. They weren’t anything to each other anymore, if Kaeya had to believe the other’s words. Just a pair of strangers that had no obligations to each other whatsoever.

Except then suddenly he did, because Diluc had amnesia, as Lumine was kind enough to tell him discreetly. Not that it made the shock that went through his body any less.

Amnesia. Amnesia, for fuck’s sake.

This wasn’t just the everyday trouble of being knocked around by a Lawachurl one too many times, or an overconfident Fatui agent making the mistake of trying to infiltrate the winery. This was serious.

Thanks to the surprise-attack of some sort of mutated monster, Diluc had gone back to the mind-set of his teenage self, anything beyond the age of sixteen entirely forgotten.

He’d been asking where his brother was.

Where his father was.

It was an impossible and insane situation, which was exactly why Kaeya needed to witness it for himself.

As the three of them hurried up the stairs towards the Knights’ headquarters, he had to supress a certain feeling of pettiness bubbling in his chest. Under any normal circumstances he didn’t doubt Diluc would have thrown a fit about having to be anywhere near the Knights, but even he couldn’t deny they had the most capable infirmary in town.

Of course there was little joy in that knowledge if the other didn’t remember his dislike for them in the first place. The situation was too dire to care about such trivialities.

Kaeya’s heart stopped for a good few seconds as he let that thought sink in properly, nearly tripping over his own feet as the realization hit him.

Diluc’s amnesia meant his dislike for the Knights of Favonius wouldn’t be the only dislike he’d have forgotten.

‘You okay?’ Lumine asked him as they finally walked inside.

Kaeya didn’t have an answer to that.

No, he wasn’t okay, because his brother was in trouble and was probably very confused and upset right now.

Yes, he was okay, because maybe he’d get a chance to do this all over again.

No, he wasn’t okay, because he didn’t have the heart to tell Diluc the truth a second time, nor would he be able to handle losing him all over again.

Yes, he was okay, because—

Before he could even open his mouth to try and put those thoughts into words, Jean came rushing out of the infirmary, looking more stressed than ever. The moment she spotted him and the traveller however, it seemed to magically disappear, relief washing over her instead.

‘You’re here.’ she breathed out.

‘We didn’t give him a chance to resist.’ Paimon stated proudly.

Not that Kaeya would have resisted in the first place, had they told him what was wrong right away, but for now there was no harm in letting her gloat about it. His priorities were elsewhere.

‘Is he alright?’ he asked, forgoing his usual act of teasing or avoiding the subject.

‘He’s…he’s alive, and awake, and his injuries are…treatable.’ Jean brought out.

‘That’s not what I asked though, is it?’

At that, she bit her lip, looking back at the door she’d just come out of.

‘I don’t know.’ she admitted. ‘He’s upset and disorientated. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him like this.’

‘Figured.’ Kaeya huffed.

‘And…he’s been asking for you.’ Jean continued. ‘I think he’s convinced that you’ll be able to make things okay somehow.’

When he felt Lumine’s eyes burning into him curiously, Kaeya crossed his arms. ‘I wonder why, really. Most of the time, all I did was make things worse.’

‘He doesn’t seem to agree with that.’ Jean argued. ‘Apparently, his memories differ from your own.’

‘Yeah, well he’s—’

‘Will you just go and help out your brother instead of continuing this self-loathing?’ Lumine snapped at him, quickly making him shut his mouth.

He should have known something like this would affect her so much, and yet he wasn’t prepared for such an outburst. It was good way of pulling him back into the present, that’s for sure.

‘Sorry.’ he mumbled, making his way towards the infirmary door with the others close in tow.

Was he ready for this? Absolutely not. Did he owe it to Diluc because of everything they’d been through together? Most definitely.

With trembling hands, he pushed open the door, steeling himself for the sight he’d be met with.

‘—to sit here and wait until—!’ a familiar voice echoed, clearly arguing with someone. The owner of said voice faltered upon hearing the door open, which made Kaeya want to turn around and run far, far away before he could be noticed.

‘Kaeya!’

Too late.

Diluc quickly came storming his way, and for a moment, Kaeya felt frozen on the spot.

‘Will you please tell Lisa I’m fine so she’ll let me go? She doesn’t seem to believe me for some reason, and nobody here wants to tell me anything either.’

At that, Kaeya shot Lisa a look that could almost be described as a glare. It seemed nobody had dared to tell Diluc anything until his arrival, meaning they’d left him to deal with the most difficult part of this bizarre occurrence.

Coming up with a convincing story.

Such great friends he had.

‘It could be…dangerous if we tell him too much at once.’ Lisa explained. ‘We wouldn’t want dear Diluc here to end up with permanent brain damage, would we?’

If it meant their broken bond would be mended once more, Kaeya wasn’t so sure about that.

Of course the guilt would end up eating him alive sooner rather than later, so it wasn’t an option, but still. He wouldn’t deny it was at least a little tempting.

‘Some monster hit you on your head pretty hard, Luc.’ Kaeya huffed, ruffling his hair in the same manner he used to do when they were kids. A little softer perhaps, just to be mindful of his injuries.

He hoped the way his hand trembled as he did so went unnoticed.

‘Yeah well, I feel fine.’ Diluc argued. ‘Bit dizzy maybe, but that’s about it. If they give you the rest of the day off to help me get home safely, surely that should be enough?’

‘Oh? Convincing them to give me a free day as well?’ Kaeya mused. ‘How considerate of you.’

‘Hey, just because I’ve got a headache—’

‘—concussion.’ Lisa corrected him.

‘—doesn’t mean I can’t still be a good brother.’ Diluc finished his sentence. ‘If I’m forced into taking a rest, the least they can do is allow you to come along so I won’t be bored out of my mind.’

Kaeya hoped the cough he used to hide the choking noise he let out was convincing enough.

Brother.

Spoken so casually and thoughtlessly it was almost as if the past four years hadn’t happened at all.

‘You okay?’ Diluc asked, looking concerned. ‘From the sound of it, you seem to be needing an infirmary more than I do.’

‘I’m fine.’ Kaeya brought out, averting his gaze.

Either this was some sick and twisted nightmare, or he was having the best dream of his entire life.

He wasn’t particularly keen on finding out which of the two it was anytime soon.

‘You’ve…got amnesia.’ Jean interrupted them, briefly glancing at Lisa to see how much she was allowed to say. ‘A lot has happened in the meantime. We’re just worried you won’t recognize the current Mondstadt and panic.’

‘I’m sure I can handle a few unfamiliar buildings and some new faces, thanks.’ he deadpanned. ‘I remember the important things. And besides, Kaeya here will make sure I don’t…walk into a wall or anything. He can fill me in on the details along the way.’

‘Is that so?’ Kaeya asked, trying to sound calm. ‘I don’t recall agreeing on giving you the full tour.’

‘Don’t tell me you’re too busy with you knightly duties.’ Diluc gasped. ‘I can handle a lot of changes, but you actually taking your work seriously is something I would never recover from.’

‘Don’t worry.’ Kaeya chuckled awkwardly. ‘That’s something that won’t ever change…’

‘Then I don’t see the problem.’ Diluc stated smugly while crossing his arms. ‘Can I go now?’

‘Paimon bets you don’t remember who Paimon is!’ Paimon suddenly exclaimed, floating in front of Diluc and startling him.

‘I…I don’t.’ he begrudgingly admitted.

‘And Lumine either!’ Paimon continued. ‘Paimon thinks it’s really important you stay here until you remember us. It’s rude to forget about your friends you know!’

Diluc didn’t look happy, but it did seem to make him reconsider for a moment. Kaeya made a mental note to give the flying girl as many treats as she wanted later.

‘Alright, so maybe I need to remember a bit more than I originally thought.’ he admitted. ‘I do apologize for making you feel bad, but…well, staying here isn’t going to make me remember any faster, is it?’

‘He has a point.’ Lisa agreed. ‘I still insist that you take things slow, but if your brother is there to keep you safe…I suppose it can’t hurt to try.’

Kaeya had never wanted to strangle the woman this much before in his entire life. Which was saying something, because Lisa had a knack for teasing people almost even more so than he did. She gave him a knowing grin, and he only barely managed to keep his cool.

‘Good.’ Diluc grinned. ‘Glad we see eye to eye.’

‘Of course.’ Lisa mused. ‘You always bring back your books in time, I can give you some slack for that.’

‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ Jean asked, still looking concerned. ‘You…don’t know the severity of the situation.’

Barbatos bless Jean.

Kaeya was truly grateful for her in that moment, considering she was the one person aware of just how bad the fight between them had been exactly. Much like him, she was trying to prevent a catastrophe from happening when Diluc eventually regained his memories or found out the truth some other way.

In comparison, his friends seemed even more keen on mending their relationship than Kaeya himself was. For better or worse he hadn’t decided yet.

‘It’s not like we can stop him.’ Lisa sighed. ‘He’ll just get even more frustrated and end up hurting himself. Or someone else.’

Jean sucked in a deep breath, and gave Kaeya an apologetic look.

‘You can take a stroll around Mondstadt.’ she eventually said. ‘Spend the day outside, see if you remember anything. For the night, however, I want you to come back here. Going back home in this state might be risky. It’s best if we…keep you here for a while just to keep an eye on you.’

Kaeya could only hope it sounded convincing enough to keep Diluc from attempting to go back home.

Back home to the mansion he’d sold.

Kaeya really didn’t want to be the person to break the news to him.

‘Deal.’ Diluc huffed, taking a hold of Kaeya’s arm so he could pull him along. ‘Shall we go then?’

Kaeya had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

They could try to be a little more subtle, in Kaeya’s humble opinion.

Not a moment after him and Diluc had left the Knights’ headquarters, the others had followed, hiding in bushes or on rooftops and spying on them as if this was some important and difficult mission.

In a way it was, but that was a different story. This wasn’t their mission. 

‘So…those new friends of ours…’ Diluc spoke, glancing in the direction of where Paimon was floating. A familiar hand quickly moved to pull her into a bush, but it was obvious to anyone what they were up to.

‘They’re a bit eccentric, I’ll give them that.’ Kaeya hummed. ‘But they’re good people.’

Diluc nodded, kicking against a pebble as they walked. ‘I figured, yeah. If they came to check on me and alerted you, we must be somewhat close at least.’

‘Yeah.’ Kaeya agreed. ‘They…care a lot about others, even if it’s not their responsibility to bear. Perhaps a side-effect of Lumine having lost her own brother. That kind of thing tends to…affect a person deeply.’

Perhaps not entirely his place to tell, but he’d make it up to her later. Anything to prevent the subject from straying in more risky directions. And if he could drop hints about his own unresolved emotions in the meantime, even better.

‘You mean he’s—’

‘Oh, no, he’s not dead.’ Kaeya quickly added. ‘Just…lost. Hanging out with the wrong sort of crowd, vanishing all the time…that sort of thing.’

‘I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose your sibling like that.’ Diluc murmured. The way he glanced in his direction didn’t go unnoticed, and it made Kaeya’s heart ache painfully.

He could, as a matter of fact, imagine what that must be like. Much better than he’d prefer.

‘Yeah.’ he agreed, swallowing the lump forming in his throat. ‘Terrible business. But…not our business. We should focus on happier subjects for now, don’t you think? I doubt hearing about depressing matters will help you recover your memory.’

‘Right…’ Diluc hesitantly agreed. ‘Any suggestions…?’

‘Well, I could tell you about all the admirers you’ve acquired over time.’ Kaeya spoke, trying to switch to a more harmless subject. ‘Take Donna, for example.’

The other’s face scrunched up in disgust at the mention of that name, shuddering a bit. ‘The girl that always used to spy on us during training? You’re kidding, right?’

‘Nope~’  Kaeya grinned. ‘She never grew out of that crush of hers. In fact, time has made it worse.’

‘Gross.’ Diluc spoke, shaking his head disapprovingly. ‘I hope we don’t run into her…’

‘Aww, don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe if we do.’ Kaeya assured him. ‘I always do, don’t I?’

It was almost scary how quickly he slipped back into the role of being a good brother, even if that was a time long gone. For a moment, it almost seemed touchable once more, the shattered remnants of their past mending almost magically.

Of course without anything holding it together, even the smallest amount of force would be enough to break it again.

‘You do.’ Diluc agreed, giving him a small smile. ‘Which is why I don’t doubt I’ll be fine until I fully regain my memories. So long as you’re there, I’m not worried at all.’

‘High praise indeed…’ Kaeya hummed, increasing his walking pace in hopes of preventing Diluc from seeing his face.

High praise he wasn’t entirely sure he deserved.

‘Are you hungry?’ he asked before the other could notice something was off. ‘I doubt infirmary food is all that tasty.’

‘I mean…kind of? I haven’t been there that long, but I’m not saying no to a meal at Good Hunter.’ Diluc replied, before his eyes widened in a sudden realization. ‘Good Hunter is still there, right?’

Kaeya couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh at that, the worried expression on the other’s face rather endearing when directed at something so trivial.

‘Good Hunter is still there, I assure you.’ he said. ‘Sara wouldn’t let us down like that. Where else would we get a good meal?’

‘Good.’ Diluc said, letting out a relieved sigh. ‘That’s good.’

It didn’t take them long to arrive to the food stall, the delicious smell of spices and other ingredients greeting them from a distance. Thankfully, not many people spoke to them along the way.

They got some confused looks sure, but nothing more than that.

‘Hello, welcome to Good Hunter! How can I—’

Of course that changed when they actually talked to Sara, who was more than just a little surprised to see the two of them together after such a long time of avoiding each other.

For as far as visiting Angel’s Share almost every other night counted as avoiding, anyway.

‘How can I…help you?’ she asked a little confusedly, glancing in Kaeya’s direction to look for any clues. If it wasn’t for the fact she was used to his schemes by now, he didn’t doubt she might think he was holding Diluc hostage.

‘We’re just here for some food, no need to worry.’ he assured her. ‘Diluc here has had a little hit to the head. Until he’s back to his old self, there’s no harm in spoiling him a little, right?’

‘Must you tell that to everyone?’ Diluc huffed, crossing his arms at the mention of his injury. ‘I’m fine.’

‘What, so you’re going to say no to an extra portion of Sara’s delicious food? Your loss.’

‘I’m not saying that.’

‘The usual, then…?’ Sara intervened, seeming to get the hint.

‘If you’d please.’

‘Actually, I’ll have the skewers this time as well.’ Diluc spoke. ‘Feels like ages since I’ve last had them.’

That’s because it is,  Kaeya didn’t say. Diluc didn’t need to know he’d been avoiding meals Kaeya likes out of pure spite.

It thankfully didn’t take long for their food to be done, allowing them to continue on their way without much further ado. They simply wandered about the streets aimlessly, much in the same manner as they used to when they were on patrol duty together.

Diluc happily munched away at his skewer as they walked, though Kaeya didn’t feel all that hungry in comparison. His overthinking brain caused his stomach to twist uncomfortably, and even if getting something to eat had been his idea, he didn’t think he could swallow even a single bite without choking right now.

‘So…any other ideas on what to do?’ he tried, hoping the other wouldn’t suggest anything impossible.

Which, unfortunately, were a lot of things.

‘I’m not sure.’ Diluc admitted. ‘I’d like to visit dad, but considering he didn’t come in to check on me, I’m assuming work’s got him out of the city again. Usually he comes rushing in at any scraped knee or bruise.’

‘Yeah.’ Kaeya chuckled, his heartbeat increasing about tenfold. ‘He’s not here, unfortunately.’

‘Figured.’

The silence that followed was suffocating.

Kaeya didn’t regret agreeing to spend the day with Diluc or anything, but there certainly were easier things to do. Like beating up a whole hilichurl camp on his own, reorganizing the entire library, not getting drunk for a week, not letting guilt consume him. You know, simple things.

They didn’t get to spend time like this anymore, not after what happened back then, and it left Kaeya at a loss on what to do.

If they went to Angel’s Share, they’d run into nosy drunk people without a filter or sense of empathy. Way too risky for someone with memory issues.

There wasn’t any point in going to the cathedral either, considering neither of them were very religious exactly. And while they could just keep walking around town, Diluc was an easily bored man. Especially with their conversation topics not exactly being the most uplifting.

Just as Kaeya was about to suggest sneaking out of the city gates however, an all too familiar bard came walking their way.

Just their luck.

Kaeya resisted the urge to make a run for it, and instead gave Venti the most convincing fake smile he could muster.

‘Sir Kaeya and master Diluc! What a rare sight indeed~’ Venti hummed amusedly, most likely already having figured out something was wrong. Just like half of Mondstadt, to be honest. Like he’d said, they made for quite a rare sight. Venti was just the only one foolish enough to comment on it.

‘And you are…?’

‘Oh!’ Venti gasped, pretending to be offended in a dramatic manner. ‘I’m hurt, master Diluc! How could you possible forget your most loyal customer?’

‘It’s not exactly loyal if you never pay off your tab, you know.’ Kaeya mused.

‘As if you’re one to talk.’

Diluc’s eyes darted between them, confusion written on his face much like before. ‘I’m sorry, this is…?’

‘Venti.’ Kaeya spoke. ‘An…acquaintance of ours, and a frequent visitor of Angel’s Share.’

‘I’d hoped you’d at least have the decency to call me a friend by now.’ Venti pouted. ‘And how come he doesn’t remember me?’

‘Amnesia.’

‘I see…’ Venti hummed, before his eyes widened. ‘Wait, does that mean he won’t remember—’

‘Hold on, you’re not even old enough to drink yet.’ Diluc interrupted. ‘Who the hell has been serving you alcohol?’

‘Why, you have, of course.’ Venti teased. ‘I look much younger than I actually am, though I appreciate the compliment.’

‘It wasn’t—’

‘Would you mind causing mischief elsewhere, Venti? Poor Diluc here has enough of a headache without you around.’ Kaeya eventually decided to try and get away from the situation. Even if it was just harmless teasing for now, he’d rather not bear witness to Diluc having a mental breakdown in the middle of town if he happened to remember something he’d rather not.

‘Will he be okay?’ Venti asked, finally turning serious. Kaeya supposed he could be considerate when he wanted to be. Which wasn’t often, but it was something at least.

‘I hope so.’

‘I’m right here.’ Diluc spoke up, before crossing his arms. ‘And I’ll be fine.’

‘Glad to see some things never change.’ Venti chuckled, before giving Kaeya a knowing look. ‘But…feel free to come to me if the situation doesn’t improve. I might have a remedy or two for headaches caused by hangovers. I’m sure they’d help for this too.’

Kaeya wasn’t so sure about that, but it was nice of the other to offer.

‘I’ll leave you to it, then.’ Venti finally said, moving past them to continue on his way. ‘Take care, alright?’

As much as Kaeya considered Venti not half that bad a drinking partner, he was grateful for his leaving in that moment. The other had a habit of running his mouth and teasing a little too much, which wasn’t all that helpful given their current circumstances.

Or maybe he just felt bitter about the fact Venti seemed to know more than he let on.

‘What is it with everyone being so concerned about me?’ Diluc huffed once the bard was out of sight. ‘I do feel bad about not remembering people, but I don’t need coddling.’

‘Diluc, you literally have a concussion.’

‘A mild concussion.’ Diluc corrected him.

‘A mild concussion with amnesia.’ Kaeya argued. ‘Amnesia which we don’t currently have a cure for.’

‘Right.’ Diluc muttered. ‘I…apologize for being so snappy all of a sudden.’

‘You have nothing to apologize for.’ Kaeya assured him.

While he wasn’t exactly an expert on amnesia, he didn’t blame the other for being on edge. Not remembering the past seemed terrifying, even if it was unknowingly a blessing in disguise. With so many unfamiliar faces making comments about what he should and shouldn’t be doing, it was no surprise Diluc would eventually snap.

‘Want to hack away at some training dummies to get it out of your system?’ Kaeya mused, knowing exactly what usually cheered Diluc up when he got like this.

Or used to, anyway. He didn’t really know what cheered him up nowadays, if there was anything that did at all. But he was willing to try and figure it out.

‘What, you don’t think I’m too injured and incapacitated to do so?’ Diluc teased.

‘If you manage to get beaten by a training dummy, then I’ll know you’re a lost cause.’ Kaeya teased back. ‘The great Diluc Ragnvindr, bested by a sack of hay…even with a concussion, I’d be embarrassed.’

‘Pfft, that’s rich coming from you. Didn’t one manage to knock you over once?’

‘We were like twelve at the time.’ Kaeya argued, cheeks flushing in embarrassment at that particular memory. ‘And for the record, it wasn’t my fault someone hadn’t secured them properly. The bloody thing was twice my size!’

‘Ah yes, I miss the days when I was taller than you.’ Diluc sighed. ‘Good times.’

Kaeya wasn’t sure whether to be grateful for the fact Diluc remembered those things from their childhood, or if he should hate it. It didn’t do anything to ease the pain of having lost all of it, and no matter how much he wanted to play along, guilt and grief gnawed at his heart at the mere thought.

‘Careful now, shorty.’ Kaeya teased, deciding to retort to humour as his usual coping mechanism.

‘You’ll be eating those words once I kick your ass in combat.’ Diluc mused, smug grin on his face and all.  

In contrast, Kaeya’s own face fell.

Last time he’d checked, they’d planned to fight training dummies. Not each other.

Good as he was at putting up a façade, no amount of acting in the world would be able to hide the trauma response he’d undoubtedly have upon seeing Diluc pointing a sword in his direction.

‘No one’s kicking anyone’s ass.’ he brought out weakly. ‘Training dummies will be plenty strong an opponent for someone with a concussion.’

‘Oh come on Kaeya, please?’ Diluc complained. ‘You’ve got a vision now and I don’t even recall fighting you with it! Can’t you indulge me just this once? My headache’s not even that bad.’

‘I’ve been indulging you plenty.’ Kaeya snapped, previously having hoped Diluc wouldn’t notice the new trinket on his belt. He really didn’t feel like explaining where he’d gotten it, nor did he particularly want to use it.

He’d rather forget the bloody thing existed at all.

‘I promise you won’t have to go easy on me.’ Diluc tried. ‘If you win, I’ll consider it fair and square. Are we still keeping count, by the way?’

‘No.’ Kaeya murmured quietly. ‘No, we’re not.’

Despite all the truths he was concealing, he’d rather not get trapped in a web of lies entirely. This was one of the few things he could be honest about without raising too many questions, even if it hurt to admit.

‘Oh.’ Diluc replied, almost seeming a little crest-fallen. Only for a little while though, for Kaeya remembered all too well he used to be quite the optimist before…well, everything.

‘I guess it’d be demotivating to keep track of losses, huh?’ the other tried to shift the mood again. ‘Perhaps it’s better if we just enjoy the moment, rather than take it so seriously.’

‘Yeah.’ was all Kaeya managed to bring out. ‘I guess so.’

The silence that followed was deafening and uncomfortable, yet Kaeya didn’t know how to make it go away. Usually he’d have a joke, a teasing remark, or a distraction up his sleeve, but now he couldn’t seem to think of anything no matter how hard he tried.

‘Can we…can we still duel, though?’ Diluc eventually broke the silence. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think it’s super cool you got a vision too. You deserve it, you know? I’m proud of you.’

Oh he deserved it alright. In the sense that it represented everything he hated about himself. About his actions. His decisions. His entire being.

That vision people so praised served as a daily reminder he’d fucked up beyond repair.

It was perhaps one of the rare few things Diluc’s older self would agree on with his younger, not-yet-traumatized self; Kaeya deserved all the misfortune that had befallen him.

And yet as the other looked at him with those hopeful, bright eyes Kaeya hadn’t ever expected to see again, he couldn’t find it in himself to say no.

Perhaps the pain of the memories they caused to resurface was yet another thing he deserved.

‘Fine.’ he finally gave in. ‘Let’s go then.’

If Diluc looked concerned at that reaction, Kaeya conveniently decided to ignore it.

He had plenty to worry about for himself.

If Kaeya had thought simply imagining having to fight against Diluc in a duel was bad enough, then nothing could have possibly prepared him for the real thing.

The other had picked up a sword rather than a claymore, as was not all too uncommon for his younger self, and despite the way the weapon now felt foreign to him, he was giving it his all as usual.

Something Kaeya wished he wouldn’t.

Diluc wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t try his hardest at everything he did, but in this case, that only served to make Kaeya feel more miserable. The other was determined, persistent, and incredibly stubborn, which weren’t bad qualities to possess per se, but weren’t exactly pleasant to face in a fight.

The memories of when he’d tried to kill him all those years ago were resurfacing a little too vividly as a result, much to Kaeya’s dismay.

When he summoned an ice shield to protect himself from an incoming attack, Diluc seemed to take that as an invitation to start using his vision as well, sending flames in his direction without a second thought.

As a fellow vision bearer, he should be able to handle it without gaining so much as a scratch.

In theory, at least.

In practise, things worked a little differently.

Kaeya only realized the awful scream piercing the air had been his own when he saw familiar red eyes boring into him with concern and fear, a warm pair of glove-covered hands checking for injuries as he lay there helplessly.

Huh. Funny.

He didn’t recall the impact with the ground at all.

‘Are you okay?’ Diluc brought out with a shaky voice, refusing to tear his eyes away despite the way that look only made Kaeya feel more guilty.

‘Sorry.’ he brought out in reply, before moving to sit up and pretend nothing had happened. Not that he’d succeed, but it was worth a try. ‘I’m fine.’

‘You-…’ Diluc started, before faltering halfway. He looked like he had a million questions he wanted to ask, yet couldn’t find the right words to do so. ‘What happened?’

‘It’s nothing, really.’ Kaeya lied. ‘Just a mistake on my part.’

That much was true at least.

When Diluc had sent the fire towards him, Kaeya had retracted out of panic, falling backwards and trying to shield himself from the terrifying blaze. It was pathetic, and could have killed him if the other didn’t have the control he did.

Talk about a sense of déjà vu.

‘I nearly hurt you, Kaeya.’ Diluc brought out, voice panicked. ‘I’m so-…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, I’m—’

‘I know.’ Kaeya interrupted him before he could go off on a tangent about how much he hated and blamed himself. That was usually his job, mind you. ‘It’s not your fault.’

‘But I—’

‘It’s not your fault.’ Kaeya repeated, a little more urgently this time.

He didn’t really feel like talking about what had just happened, but he also knew Diluc wouldn’t shut up about it until he did. That brotherly protectiveness went both ways, even if these days he himself wasn’t particularly used to being on the receiving end of it anymore. 

‘I had an unpleasant encounter with a Pyro vision bearer a few years back.’ he explained, trying to sound casual while trying even harder to be vague. If the other found out the truth about the matter, there was no doubt it wouldn’t end well for either of them. ‘I guess that left me with somewhat of a dislike for fire.’

That was about the understatement of the century, but it would have to do for now.

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ Diluc whispered, eyes wide in shock. ‘I wouldn’t have pressured you to duel if I’d known! Why didn’t you—’

‘I didn’t want you to worry about me.’ Kaeya told him, trying to keep the lying to a minimum. Concealing the truth and actively lying to someone’s face were two very different things.

Not that either of the two made him feel less guilty than the other, but still.

‘You’ve got enough on your plate dealing with amnesia.’ he continued. ‘And you of all people should know how frustrating it is to have people fussing over you for no reason.’

It was low of him to compare Diluc’s situation to his own, but at least that would hopefully get the message across. Or, you know, at least cause him to drop the subject.

‘I guess you’ve got a point.’ Diluc murmured, looking down hesitantly. It took him a few seconds to speak up again, though when he did, it wasn’t what Kaeya had expected him to say.

‘Did you get justice, at least?’

Several more seconds passed, Kaeya’s brain rattling to come up with an appropriate reply.

‘What?’ he asked when it found none.

‘The Pyro vision bearer.’ Diluc explained. ‘Did you…did you get justice? Did you beat them?’

‘Oh.’ Kaeya brought out. ‘Uhm, no. It was a draw, I think.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’

It was a draw alright, in the sense that they’d both lost everything.

Knowing he couldn’t just leave it at that though, Kaeya let out a deep sigh before continuing.

‘Anyway, I was the one who provoked them to begin with, so…it was kind of my own fault.’ he murmured. ‘We both had our separate issues to deal with at the time. I don’t hold it against them.’

‘Well you should.’ Diluc huffed just a little too quickly. ‘Wielding a Pyro vision does not give you the right to burn people, no matter the reason. If you can’t control the flames fuelled by your emotions, you have no right to keep using that power as your own. It’s just not fair.’

Kaeya wondered if the other understood the irony behind that statement.

Though if he thought about it, he had kind of stayed true to his word, in a way. At least he wasn’t a hypocrite in that regard.

Perhaps he actually did carry a sliver of guilt for what he’d done.

Kaeya really shouldn’t have felt so pleased about that, yet here he was.

‘I had a feeling you’d say that.’ he finally spoke up again. ‘But what’s done is done. We can’t change the past.’

Gods he’d sure tried.

‘Right.’ Diluc murmured, unconvinced.

To lighten the mood, Kaeya moved to ruffle Diluc’s hair; careful as usual, but affectionate nonetheless. There was no point in having such heavy conversations when they should be focussing on the other’s recovery.

He still hadn’t made up his mind on how he felt about that, but it wasn’t his place to make any decisions about it. He could hope, wish and pray all he wanted, but whatever the outcome would be would make him suffer, one way or another.

If his misery was inevitable anyway, the least he could do was make sure Diluc’s own stayed as minimal as possible.

‘Anyway, we should be getting back to the Knight’s Headquarters soon.’ he changed the subject. ‘The sun’s about to set, and we promised the others you’d stay the night in the infirmary.’

‘I guess so.’ Diluc replied softly.

Kaeya had expected him to throw a fuss about it, begging to just be allowed to come home and whatnot, but maybe this new revelation was getting to him a bit too much.

Kaeya really, really hoped that didn’t mean he was regaining his memories already.

‘Hey, don’t worry. I’ll stay with you the entire time.’ he tried cheering him up. ‘I’ll even make you the hot cocoa dad used to make for us.’

At that, Diluc gave him an expression Kaeya wasn’t quite sure how to read. The other didn’t say anything else about the matter though, so it was probably nothing major. He hoped, at least.

‘Thanks, Kaeya. You’re the best.’

He didn’t feel the part, but for now, he’d allow himself to indulge just a little. For a brief moment, he’d regained something he never thought he’d have again. Selfish as it was, Kaeya decided to make the most of it while it lasted.

‘Of course, that’s what brothers are for.’

The night had started out relatively peaceful, to Kaeya’s big surprise.

He’d expected more people bothering them, and perhaps more complaints from Diluc regarding their current situation. And yet as they made their way to the infirmary, the only people checking up on them were Jean and Lisa, who’d kept their questions to a minimum.

Mostly just some different variations of “how are you feeling” and “do you remember anything yet”.

As for Diluc, the other was awfully compliant all of a sudden. He wasn’t complaining whatsoever, wasn’t throwing a fuss, wasn’t making any demands. He didn’t even refuse when Lisa gave him some medication for his headache.

It was suspicious to say the least.

Suspicious and nerve-wrecking.

As Kaeya lay in the infirmary bed next to Diluc’s own, staring at the ceiling mindlessly while the other slept, he came to the conclusion this would be another one of his sleepless nights.

If anyone had told him the day before he’d be sleeping in the same room as his estranged brother that night, he’d call them insane. To give Diluc an opportunity to slit his throat as he slept, perhaps. But to comfort him? Not a chance.

Kaeya wasn’t sure how long he lay there like that, just thinking and allowing his mind to wander. His eyes had grown accustomed to the dark by now, allowing him to sometimes glance in the other’s direction to see if he was still doing okay.

He was, for a while. He seemed much more capable of sleeping than Kaeya was.

Except sleeping was usually accompanied by dreaming.

And dreaming when traumatized was usually accompanied by nightmares.

A lot of them.

Perhaps it would have been better of Diluc had simply stayed awake after all.

The tell-tale sounds of someone having a nightmare echoed through the room a few seconds later, the pained groans and whimpers enough to make Kaeya’s heart clench painfully.

There wasn’t anything he could do. Not really, at least. No matter how much he wanted to, he wasn’t as good at comforting people as their father or Adelinde had been.

Really, he’d only fuck it up. He’d make the nightmare worse by saying or doing the wrong thing, or wake up Diluc at the worst possible moment.

It was better if he just stayed put, and no amount of restless rustling or bed-creaking would make him change his mind on that.

‘Kaeya—’ Diluc wailed, the pure anguish in his voice enough to make Kaeya rise to his feet in seconds.

So much for staying put.

‘I’m here.’ he spoke, speed-walking towards the other’s bed to pull him close. ‘It’s okay, it’ll be okay.’

It wouldn’t be, not really, but Diluc didn’t need to know that right now. Kaeya wasn’t even sure what he was promising would be okay exactly. Just another expectation he couldn’t live up to, probably.

‘Don’t—!’

Diluc’s eyes shot open the moment Kaeya touched his forehead, his expression frantic and confused. He hated seeing him like this.

The next second, Diluc was tugging him down to pull him into an embrace, clinging to him as if his life depended on it.

‘Don’t go.’ he pleaded. ‘Don’t make me lose you too. Please just—!’

“Too”.

As if he was aware of how much he’d lost already.

A cold shiver ran down Kaeya’s spine, his throat constricting painfully.

This had clearly been more than just a nightmare.

He knew, didn’t he?

‘I’m not going anywhere.’ he whispered, wrapping his arms around Diluc to return the embrace. ‘I’m here.’

If the wetness seeping through his night shirt was anything to go by, the other was crying.

Something he hadn’t done in years.

He used to all the time as a kid, but that had stopped after the incident from that miserable night. Kaeya didn’t think he’d ever seen the other shed tears after that, their source dried up and heart turned bitter.

He knew all too well what that felt like, only having cried a total of two times after being abandoned in Mondstadt, and it wasn’t a feeling he wished upon even his worst enemy. Let alone his brother.

This couldn’t be good.

‘He’s dead, isn’t he?’ Diluc whispered, his voice sounding choked. ‘Dad’s dead.’

He knew.

He remembered.

Out of all things he could possibly remember first, this had to be one of the worst possible options.

‘Yeah.’ Kaeya whispered, knowing there was no point in trying to conceal the truth now. If Diluc was regaining his memories, then-…

‘I’m so sorry.’ Diluc sobbed. ‘I’m sorry, I should have-…I shouldn’t have assumed-…’

No “why didn’t you tell me”, like Kaeya had expected. No “it’s your fault”, like Kaeya had feared.

‘You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.’ Kaeya whispered while running a hand through familiar red hair. It was messy and tangled from all his previous stirring, but he managed.

‘I was there.’ Diluc argued. ‘I should have remembered. Why didn’t I remember? I must have been causing you so much pain every time I mentioned him today. Barbatos, I—’

‘Stop always putting others before yourself.’ Kaeya interrupted him. That’s my job, he didn’t say. ‘You couldn’t have known.’

‘What else don’t I remember?’ Diluc brought out. ‘If I forgot something this big, who’s to say I didn’t forget even more important things?’

It’s true Diluc hadn’t exactly seemed bothered about his missing memories before, but now it was as if his brain was trying to make up for that tenfold. Guilt tripping him into remembering, or something like that.

‘Don’t rush yourself.’ Kaeya assured him. ‘You’ll remember in due time. It’ll just hurt more if you force yourself to do so before you’re ready.’

He ignored the fact he benefited from the other not yet remembering too, writing it down as just being worried about his brother. And rightfully so.

‘I don’t care.’ Diluc brought out. ‘I can handle it. What I can’t handle is hurting you.’

‘Well, seeing you hurt will hurt me more, you know.’ Kaeya shot back at him. ‘So if you’re truly that worried about me, you better take it slow.’

‘That sounds a little too convenient.’ Diluc complained.

‘And yet you know it’s true.’

‘I do, which is exactly what frustrates me so.’ Diluc murmured. He did seem to finally calm down ever so slightly though, which Kaeya took as a good sign. ‘I suppose being a self-sacrificial idiot runs in the family.’

At that, Kaeya froze.

Despite the jab, those words made him feel a whole whirlwind of emotions. They were intended as light-hearted, and yet they hit him harder than any enemy ever would. That simple recognition, that small sliver of proof Diluc still considered him family in the strongest sense of the word was enough to make him choke up.

Perhaps he was about to increase the number of times he’d cried in Mondstadt to three today.

‘Hey, come on.’ Diluc spoke softly, lifting up the blanket in invitation upon noticing his distress. ‘I think we could both do with some rest.’

‘I thought I was the one comforting you here?’ Kaeya brought out, voice slightly higher-pitched than usual.

‘Well, comforting you will comfort me in return, you know.’ Diluc mused, using his own words from before against him. Damn him for being that sharp. ‘So if you’re truly that worried about me, you better let me take care of you.’

‘That sounds a little too convenient.’ Kaeya brought out, copying the other’s words from before as well.

‘And yet you know it’s true.’

‘Yeah.’ Kaeya whispered.

For now it was, at least.

‘I doubt we’ll both fit in a tiny infirmary bed together, though.’ he tried in a last-ditch attempt to guard his heart from the pain that was to come if he indulged too much.

‘If dad could make an adult and two tall kids fit in a single bed together, I’m sure we’ll manage.’ Diluc shot back.

‘We’re not kids anymore, though.’

‘Are you really just going to leave me hanging like this?’ Diluc asked, feigning shock. He already knew Kaeya had given in long ago. He was just basking in his victory. ‘Such betrayal! I thought you were my brother, my twin, my most trusted—’

‘If you snore, or hog the blankets, a concussion will be the least of your worries.’ Kaeya huffed, before finally giving in and crawling into bed.  

‘You’re just jealous we can’t make a blanket tent or pillow fort like we used to.’ Diluc mused, looking up at him with a smug grin plastered on his face.

‘Says who?’ Kaeya shot back, memories flooding his mind of the many nights spent like this in their youth.

That time he’d had the most awful nightmares about his homeland, and both master Crepus and Diluc had held him until the screaming ceased.

The time they’d played in the snow for too long and he’d nearly ended up with hypothermia, if not for the fact his brother’s Pyro vision conveniently turned him into a human furnace.

That time they’d made a pillow fort and had dared each other to try and stay up all night, only for them to wake up the following morning knowing they’d both lost.

‘The only reason we’re not making a pillow fort right now is because I’m too exhausted.’ Kaeya huffed, trying to focus on getting some rest, rather than thinking of days gone by. Days he missed so very much. ‘There’s no such thing as “being too old” for it, you hear me?’

‘Now you sound like Adelinde.’ Diluc murmured, his drooping eyelids giving away how tired he actually was. ‘She always told us to stay kids for as long as possible.’

Considering how fast they had to suddenly grow up when their father died, Kaeya was almost beginning to wonder if that had been some twisted kind of foreshadowing by the universe.

‘She was just copying what father always used to say, I think.’ Kaeya murmured. ‘He wanted us to stay young forever too.’

‘I think he just wanted us to be his boys for as long as possible.’ Diluc murmured, voice slurred in a way that made Kaeya think he was already half-asleep by now. ‘Free of worry and responsibilities.’

That particular choice of words made Kaeya wonder whether maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance that maybe he’d known—

‘Can we visit dad’s grave tomorrow?’

The thought vanished as quickly as it had come, making place for the dread now filling him.

‘Yeah.’ he brought out. ‘Sure.’

He didn’t think Diluc had stayed awake long enough to hear his answer, but a promise was a promise.

With his habit of breaking them, Kaeya felt the least he could do was keep those he was able to.

Unlike Diluc, Kaeya didn’t visit their father’s grave nearly as much as he should.

As much as he wanted.

The anxiety about running into his brother there was too much, which left him unable to visit unless he was absolutely certain there was no chance to.  

He had run into Adelinde once, who’d pulled him into a suffocating hug before he could run away, and told him he had every right to be here despite not even having voiced any of his concerns to her out loud.

She always had a way of knowing, something he’d be eternally grateful for.

As Diluc and him stared at the gravestone in front of them here and now though, Kaeya realized it was the first time ever they’d visited this place together.

That fact alone hurt more than he cared to admit.

‘It’s surprisingly well-looked after.’ Diluc brought out in an attempt to break the silence. He then moved to put down the bouquet of Calla lilies and Lamp grass they’d gotten on the way, his gaze lingering on the headstone for a moment before moving back up.

‘Adelinde visits every week.’ Kaeya explained. ‘She takes care of this place.’

‘That…explains a lot.’ Diluc murmured. ‘She always takes her work very seriously.’

Silence fell once more after that particular statement, neither of them quite sure what the appropriate thing to say would be, if such a thing even existed. Kaeya usually had a knack for breaking uncomfortable silences, but that talent always seemed to evaporate around Diluc for some reason.

When Diluc was the one to break the silence once more, Kaeya wasn’t sure whether to be grateful, or attempt to sink through the ground.

‘You…you weren’t at the funeral, were you…?’ he hesitantly brought out, making Kaeya’s blood run cold.

Only a day after the start of his amnesia, the other was already beginning to remember things Kaeya really rather he didn’t. He’d hoped for a few days of peace at least, before having to watch everything fall apart before his eyes once more.

Then again, the fact he’d gotten a single day of former normality was already a miracle on its own. He should be grateful, shouldn’t he?

So why then, did this hurt so much?

‘I just remembered the sight of that day.’ Diluc continued when he didn’t grace him with a reply. ‘I recall Adelinde, Elzer, Jean…everyone. Everyone except you.’

‘Maybe your brain doesn’t deem it as urgent to remember me since we’ve been spending so much time together?’ Kaeya helpfully suggested, hoping the light crack in his voice went unnoticed.

‘Kaeya.’

‘Just saying—’

‘Kaeya.’

The look the other gave him then was one he’d dreaded most. That look of distrust and confusion.

He’d seen it before, mere moments before it turned into an expression of anger and rage.

‘I don’t remember.’ Kaeya breathed out, taking a cautious step back just in case.

‘Liar.’ Diluc huffed. ‘I’m the one with amnesia here. Of course you remember.’

Liar.

Liar.

Kaeya may not have ended up crying last night, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he made up for that any moment now.

Liar.

That word stung.

‘You didn’t want me there.’ Kaeya brought out, the lump in his throat making it hard to speak.

‘What—’

‘We had a falling out just before.’ Kaeya continued, not giving the other the opportunity to interrupt him.

If he faltered now, he didn’t think he could get the words out after. That too gave him a sense of déjà vu he’d been hoping to avoid, but there was no escaping it now.

‘We had a falling out, so you didn’t want me there.’

‘I didn’t—’

‘Want me there.’ Kaeya repeated. ‘Yeah. I know.’

‘Did I-…did I truly say it like that?’ Diluc whispered, eyes wide with shock. Maybe a sliver of regret and guilt too, though that could just have been wishful thinking on Kaeya’s part. ‘Did I truly say it like that, or did you just assume?’

At that, Kaeya let out a bitter laugh.

He couldn’t blame Diluc for not knowing in this state, couldn’t hold it against him that he’d assume it to be some sort of misunderstanding, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

‘You didn’t have to.’ he spat, more hostile than he’d intended. ‘I figured it out through context clues.’

‘So you just assumed.’

‘And I assumed right.’ Kaeya hissed. ‘Believe me, you didn’t want me there.’

‘Well, I did want you there.’ Diluc said, so much softer than Kaeya had expected him to. So much more genuine and heartfelt. ‘I do want you here.’

‘You don’t know that.’ Kaeya brought out, tears threatening to fall.

He could handle the anger. Could handle that look of betrayal. He’d been forced to before, he could do it again.

What he couldn’t handle was that look of misplaced trust. That naïve assumption of innocence. That expression that told him there was no way Diluc could ever think badly of him.

It made his skin crawl to know he’d been the one to shatter all of it by revealing the truth.

He’d broken something that was supposed to be unbreakable.

‘You don’t even remember what happened.’

‘I don’t need to remember to know my own feelings on the matter.’ Diluc stated. ‘There’s nothing in this entire world that would make me want you to miss out on dad’s funeral.’

‘Diluc—’

‘You’re his son too. You’re family.’ Diluc continued. ‘You should have gotten the opportunity to grieve, and I’m sorry for unknowingly taking that from you. I didn’t have the right.’

Kaeya’s tears finally did fall then, staining his cheeks and blurring his vision.

‘You shouldn’t say shit like that.’ he hiccoughed. ‘Not when I’m the only one who knows it’s temporary.’

‘It’s not temporary.’ Diluc assured him, before reaching out a hesitant hand. It was like he was afraid to take away the space he wasn’t sure Kaeya needed or not, but still wanted to prove he was there. ‘I meant every word.’

‘I know you did.’ Kaeya brought out as he stumbled forward. ‘That’s what makes this so fucking difficult.’

‘It doesn’t have to be.’

Kaeya willingly let himself be pulled into the tight embrace. Willingly returned it, clinging to Diluc as if he’d disappear if he didn’t. Perhaps he would, if he regained his memories and decided to go back on his word.

He knew he would, which only made him cling on tighter.

As they sunk to their knees, Kaeya’s shaky legs unable to support himself any longer, neither of them let go still.

‘It’s okay.’ Diluc whispered. ‘I’m here now.’

Not for much longer, but he was here now.

‘I miss you.’ Kaeya sobbed into the other’s shoulder. ‘I miss you so much it makes me want to die.’

‘I’m trying.’ Diluc breathed out, attempting to comfort him by rubbing circles into his back. ‘I’ll regain all my memories. I’ll come back as I were. I just…I just need some time. But I promise you I will.’

Kaeya only sobbed harder at that, frustrated that no matter how hard he tried, Diluc just didn’t seem to understand.

There was no regaining what they’d lost. There was no going back to how they were. The closest they’d gotten was Diluc’s amnesia, and even that was only temporary. Guilt ate away at his heart on a daily basis, and no amount of comforting words would make that go away.

He wondered what their father would think if he could see them now, bawling their eyes out in front of his grave while talking of all they’d lost.

‘I just want us to be okay.’ Kaeya whispered, his voice raspy but his tears finally running out.

‘And we will be.’ Diluc promised. ‘We will be.’

It was so easy to believe him like this, all determined and optimistic.

Perhaps for a moment longer, Kaeya should just give in and allow himself to be equally as naïve.

Allow himself to believe things would indeed be okay, despite knowing better.

‘So what was my name again?’

‘Lumine.'

‘And what was Paimon’s name again?!’

‘…Paimon-…’

After all those heavy conversations, Kaeya had to admit he was incredibly grateful for the change in atmosphere. He didn’t think he was capable of crying yet another time so shortly after his previous breakdown, so when Jean had suggested they come to the Knight’s Headquarters for a check-up that afternoon, he’d jumped at the opportunity.

So had Diluc, funnily enough.

While he’d seemed frustrated about everyone’s concern before, he didn’t put up as much of a struggle now. Perhaps a matter of reading the room, or not wishing to be a bother to him.

It was both concerning and a relief all at once.

‘He seems to be doing better.’ Jean spoke softly as she came to stand next to him, observing the group’s banter from afar. Close enough to keep an eye on them, but far enough to be out of earshot if they were quiet enough. ‘As do you, actually.’

If bloodshot eyes and swollen eyelids counted as “better”, Kaeya didn’t want to know how Jean usually perceived him.

‘Yeah.’ he murmured. ‘We…had some talks.’

‘Good ones?’

He wasn’t too sure about that, but he supposed generally speaking they were. They’d been more honest with each other than they’d ever been since the incident, which certainly counted for something.

Now he just hoped none of it would be discarded after Diluc regained the remainder of his memories. The worst was still to come.

‘I think so.’ is all he said out loud.

‘Mhh…’ Jean hummed, a knowing expression on her face. ‘Lisa says he’ll be back to normal soon.’

‘Oh.’

‘But I don’t think I agree.’

Kaeya gave her a confused look at those words, not quite understanding what she meant by them.

‘His injuries will heal, sure.’ Jean continued. ‘I personally made sure of that, and you know healing magic is stronger on people you feel particularly emotional about.’

Considering Jean had been their closest friend since childhood, he didn’t doubt that would be the case. But that still didn’t explain what she’d meant.

‘Lisa says he’ll regain his memories, too.’ she said. ‘He’s been making a lot of progress already, with minimal complications.’

‘…but?’

‘But he hasn’t changed his attitude towards you at all, has he?’

Kaeya froze, heart hammering inside his chest like a madman.

‘He will.’ he breathed out. ‘Once he remembers, he will.’

‘I’m not sure.’ Jean argued. ‘He may have a hard time dealing with such complicated emotions, and I’m not saying he’ll continue to be this pleasant, but-…maybe reliving some of the worst moments of his life while having you by his side enabled him to put things into perspective.’

‘I didn’t think you were such an optimist.’ Kaeya chuckled bitterly. ‘He just hasn’t remembered the truth yet. Once he does, it’d be a miracle if he didn’t decide to try and strike me down a second time.’

‘And yet you’re still here.’ Jean hummed, looking at him from the corner of her eye. ‘You refuse to leave his side despite knowing how dangerous it could be.’

‘That’s my duty.’

‘As a knight, or as a brother?’

‘Both.’ Kaeya murmured. ‘Both.’

Jean sighed, before shaking her head and turning her gaze to where Diluc was undergoing his check-up once more.

‘I don’t think he hates you.’ she said. ‘He’s been acting like it, and he may have a lot of bitterness in his heart, but he doesn’t hate you. Perhaps this whole amnesia business has finally allowed him to realize that too.’

‘I doubt it.’ Kaeya answered.

‘Then I hope for all our sakes that you’re wrong.’

For his own sake, Kaeya hoped he was too.

‘Thank you, Jean.’ he said, despite not really knowing what for. There were several things he’d like to thank her for, for some of which words would never be enough.

‘Of course.’ she said with a soft smile. ‘I look forward to the day the three of us will be able to sit at the same table and talk once more.’

And with that, she walked back towards Diluc to help with the last few check-ups.

So much for a light-hearted intervention, Kaeya mused.

And yet he couldn’t find it in himself to mind all that much. 

Three more days passed like that, alternating between exploring Mondstadt and visiting the infirmary, until finally Jean decided to give them the okay to go home.

They could have just decided to go sooner, of course. Diluc wasn’t a kid, nor did he need anyone’s permission to go or stay anywhere. But considering the circumstances, they’d deemed it best to stay put for a little while longer. Just in case.

Having more people around seemed less…risky.

Diluc’s head injury was healing well though, and his memories slowly seemed to be returning too. It didn’t come to him in one big whirlwind, like Kaeya had read in a storybook once, but rather gradually. Sometimes he’d recall a random event or person, then another time he’d have this massive mood change out of nowhere.

The happy, optimistic boy Kaeya had known as a kid was gradually fading once more, turning into the grumpy, frustrated adult he was more familiar with these days.

Or well, less familiar, depending on how you looked at it.

It was a sign of recovery, and yet Kaeya almost considered it kinder to prevent such a thing from happening.

Despite all the recent changes though, Diluc’s demeanour towards him didn’t seem to change all that much. Even as they arrived at Dawn Winery, the other well aware he no longer lived there, albeit not for the reasons he thought, the mood had not yet sullied.

It was perhaps the one thing Kaeya was most grateful for, despite all the heavy conversations they’d been forced to have. Not even the revelation that he’d sold their family home was capable of making Diluc break down entirely.

The talk of how his pet turtle had died had been light in comparison, but still.

‘Welcome home, master Diluc, master Kaeya.’ Adelinde greeted them, taking their coats all too happily.

It was a little too obvious how much she’d been anticipating this, though Kaeya didn’t blame her.

The second she’d heard of Diluc’s amnesia, she’d come bringing fresh clothes, food, and blankets. She refused to listen to anyone telling her the knights had those as well, claiming Diluc would recover sooner if he was surrounded by familiar things instead.

She had a point of course, but she had a habit of overdoing it a bit.

It wasn’t just Diluc she spoiled rotten either, serving Kaeya his favourite dish and wrapping an awfully familiar blanket around him he was certain was supposed to have perished long ago.

Now that they were both home, he didn’t doubt she’d continue that motherly behaviour, fussing over them in the same way she’d always done. There was no way she’d let the opportunity go to waste now that she was finally allowed to once more.  

‘I’ve already made preparations for dinner, would you like to have it now, or later?’ she asked, a smile on her face Kaeya could tell was genuine, rather than simply polite.

‘I must admit I could do with a good meal right now.’ Diluc admitted.

‘I should have known they were starving you in that infirmary.’ Adelinde sighed, already on her way towards the kitchen. ‘I should have brought more food.’

‘You brought plenty, Adelinde.’ Kaeya assured her. ‘And it was delicious as always.’

‘Still, it’s better fresh.’ she mused. ‘Go ahead and take a seat, dinner will be served momentarily.’

And just like that, she was gone, off to prepare dinner for the both of them as if she’d never done any different.

As if he’d never been away.

‘It’s…odd being back here.’ Diluc admitted as he made his way through the room. He absentmindedly ran his hands over the furniture as if that would help him remember, then briefly paused at an all too familiar vase.

‘I know it’s supposed to be my home and all, and I remember where I keep my stuff just fine, but…I hardly recall any memories with other people in them.’

‘Well, you’re not exactly one to receive guests on a daily basis.’ Kaeya replied, his anxiety rising ever so slightly. ‘You’ve always been more of an introvert, and you’ve got Angel’s Share if you truly wanted to be social.’

‘That’s true, I suppose.’ Diluc agreed. ‘I just thought it was odd.’

It’s odd I don’t have any memories of us here together, he didn’t say. He didn’t need to, for Kaeya to take the hint.

‘Well…let’s not keep Adelinde waiting, shall we?’ Kaeya suggested, not quite ready to cross that bridge just yet. He would, when they got there. But preferably, they’d never reach that destination.

‘We can talk about memories, or lack thereof, afterwards. You may not have a full brain, but at least you’ll have a full stomach.’

It was cheesy, stupid, obviously only intended as a distraction, but it still managed to make Diluc laugh. Considering he’d been going back to his usual self more and more these past few days, that really counted as a win on its own.

‘You’re right.’ he said. ‘Let’s have dinner first.’

In big part thanks to Adelinde, they did indeed manage to keep their dinner conversations rather light-hearted. If only because she reminded them of particularly warm and fuzzy memories whenever things threatened to turn sour.

Perhaps if Adelinde had been by Kaeya’s side when he’d revealed the truth, several catastrophes could have been prevented.

There was no going back and changing the past though, as much as Kaeya wished he could.

For now he just hoped the she would stay around long enough to prevent new catastrophes from happening.

It rained that night.

A heavy downpour that caused rain to clatter against the roof and windows, thunder roaring in the distance.

An unexpected storm had graced them with its presence, and Kaeya found himself unable to sleep as a result, a sense of uncontrollable dread filling him for no reason.

He hated storms.

As Diluc and Adelinde slept peacefully, Kaeya had made his way towards the living room, curling up in an armchair while staring out of the window, unable to tear his eyes away from the awful weather outside.

He hated storms, for he had lost everything he held dear twice during them.

The sound of thunder startled him, sending shivers down his spine from what he knew was not just the cold. He may have been freezing, his hands and feet turning pale and numb, but this was another kind of shivering.

It was like the weather was serving as some sort of awful foreshadowing on what was to come.

As the wind soared and rain clattered, it was only by chance that Kaeya heard the footsteps coming from the stairs. Too heavy to be Adelinde’s, so it had to be Diluc; about the last person he wanted to see with this kind of weather.

Nothing personal, of course.

‘Kaeya.’ Diluc spoke as he reached him, a hint of surprise in his tone.

‘Diluc.’ Kaeya acknowledged him, not moving to get up from his position in the chair, and refusing to make eye contact.

‘…couldn’t sleep?’

Kaeya nodded softly, clutching the armrest of the chair so tightly his knuckles turned white.

He wondered if the weather had any effect on Diluc the same way it had on him. Whether he instinctively tied storms to awful, life-changing memories as well, or whether he didn’t have any trouble with them whatsoever. You know, like a massive hypocrite.

Judging from the way he was standing here now, awake and awkward, he assumed it to be the former.

‘…same here.’ Diluc admitted, confirming his suspicions.

It was quiet for a few seconds then, neither of them moving or saying anything.

‘I’ll…I’ll make us some cocoa.’ Diluc finally spoke up once more, shuffling towards the kitchen to prepare the hot drinks.

He’d inherited Crepus’ talent for making upset people feel better, but that talent had vanished ever since the incident. Now, he was no better than Kaeya when it came to offering comfort.

Not that Kaeya minded. It was still better than nothing.

When Diluc returned after a few minutes, he was holding two steaming cups, one of which he handed to Kaeya. The sweet smell of sugar and cocoa filled Kaeya’s senses, instinctively calming him down thanks to the memories tied to this drink in particular.

Much like sorrow and grief were tied to alcohol, comfort and security were tied to hot cocoa.

He knew which one he preferred, even if he was more likely to still choose one over the other.

‘Thanks.’ he brought out.

Diluc then took a seat on the couch across from him, and brought his own cup towards his lips to take a sip.

‘I’ve never understood how you can drink it when it’s still piping hot.’ Kaeya murmured, his voice raspy. Despite his complicated emotions, he needed to lighten the mood for his own sake. His heart might spontaneously start failing him if he didn’t calm it down soon. ‘Must be a Pyro vision thing.’

‘I guess so.’ Diluc replied softly, before moving the cup down again and staring into it.

‘What secrets do the cocoa hold?’ Kaeya mused as he observed him. ‘A new wine recipe, maybe? Or a budding romance? Come on, tell me what’s on your—’

‘I know, Kaeya.’

Kaeya’s cup shattered on the ground in the same second he rose to his feet, his entire body shaking uncontrollably as he did.

He had to leave.

He had to leave, right the fuck now.

‘Kaeya—’

Kaeya didn’t listen to what Diluc had to say, instead opting to sprint towards the front door. He reached for his vision just in case…

…only to realize he’d left it upstairs.

His breathing turned ragged, his heart hammering so hard inside his chest it might combust any moment now, and behind him, he could hear Diluc’s determined footsteps following him.

He was going to die, wasn’t he?

He was going to get what he’d wanted all along. Either that, or the gods would pull some cruel joke on him again, like they had done last time, forcing him to live through another miserable few years.

Diluc knew.

Diluc knew, and he was about to unleash his rage on him all over again.

‘Please—’ Kaeya brought out as he fumbled with the door handle, grateful when it finally opened and he could run outside. The earth felt cold against his bare feet, muddy and smooth rather than solid, and the rain made it incredibly hard to see. Still, he couldn’t falter now.

Some stupid, pathetic part of him didn’t want to die yet.

If Diluc hadn’t reached out to him these past few days, that same part would have likely stayed quiet. Kaeya would have accepted his fate and just sat there as the other attempted to kill him once again. He’d have been fine with it.

And yet now he wasn’t, clinging to his pathetic life and begging for it not to be over yet.

‘Kaeya, wait—!’ he heard Diluc call out.

He didn’t listen. If he stopped now, he didn’t think he could get himself to move again.

He couldn’t allow himself to die at his brother’s hands. Both because a teensy little part of him still wanted to live, and because he couldn’t allow Diluc’s hands to be stained with his blood. He’d go mad with guilt, these past days offering plenty of proof some small part of him still cared. That behind that tough exterior, he was still just one big softie with a heart too big for his own good.

A particularly slippery area made him lose his footing, landing face-first on the dirty road. His clothes were soaked through by now, body shivering from both hypothermia and fear, and he couldn’t tell whether the blurriness of his vision was caused by rain or tears. Maybe both.

‘Kaeya…’ Diluc brought out behind him, much closer than Kaeya had thought him to be.

‘Stay away!’ he screamed at the top of his lungs. ‘Stay away!’

Diluc surprisingly came to a halt, kneeling down to appear less threatening and holding up his hands in surrender. It was a trick. It had to be. Behind that calm expression, he was fuming with rage, bloodlust blinding him at this kind of betrayal.

Kaeya deserved it. He knew he did.

‘If you’re going to kill me, just do it already.’ he breathed out, curling up and making himself as small as possible. ‘But please make it quick.’

‘I’m not-…’ Diluc brought out. ‘I’m not going to kill you.’

‘You should.’ Kaeya brought out. ‘If you know the truth, then you should. You have every right to.’

‘I don’t.’ Diluc argued, reaching for the vision he, unlike him, hadn’t forgotten to take with him.

Kaeya clenched his eyes shut out of fear, just wishing for it to be over soon. Considering the rain, he feared being burned alive might take longer than usual. As if it wasn’t agonizing enough already.

‘I already told you no one has the right.’ Diluc spoke softly. So, so surprisingly softly.

When Kaeya heard something other than rain clattering down next to him, his eyes shot open to find the source. A dagger perhaps. One that Diluc kept on him at all times in case of an-…

Oh.

Next to Kaeya’s face was Diluc’s vision, a concerning distance away from its owner’s hands, rendering it useless.

His eyes fixated on the thing involuntarily, brain still processing what this meant.

‘Ever the gentleman, wanting to make this a fair fight.’ Kaeya chuckled anxiously. ‘It’s fine though, you don’t have to hold back.’

‘I’m not going to fight you.’ Diluc said calmly.

‘Then what?’

At that, Diluc sucked in a sharp breath, not moving from the spot where he was still kneeling down.

‘I’m going to stay and sit here until you agree to come back inside with me.’ he stated plainly.

‘So you can kill me there instead.’ Kaeya added.

‘So you can change into a set of clean clothes and get warm again.’

‘So you can kick me out without feeling too guilty.’ Kaeya guessed.

‘So we can talk.’ Diluc groaned.

A few seconds passed before Kaeya answered.

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’

‘You’re-…you’re really not going to kill me, then?’ he whispered.

Diluc scoffed, then glared at him in a way that revealed he’d most definitely gone back to his usual self now. ‘Not even if you begged for it.’

Kaeya let out a shaky breath then, quietly reaching for the Pyro vision lying next to him.

‘Why would you…?’

‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’ Diluc spoke, voice surprisingly soft. If Kaeya wasn’t mistaken, he could swear he saw a hint of regret in the other’s expression. As if he was recalling a particularly unpleasant memory of something he’d done. ‘And I think I’m to blame for that.’

‘Oh.’

‘I-…I remember what happened that night.’ he continued. ‘I guess the storm just sort of-…’

He gestured to his head as if that would somehow clarify what he meant, and Kaeya had to admit he had a hunch despite the vagueness of that action.

‘You remembered.’ Kaeya stated, finally moving to sit up despite the way he was trembling. ‘And you didn’t think it appropriate to try and kill me again?’

‘I didn’t think it appropriate to kill you back then, either.’ Diluc murmured. ‘But I was a grieving fool, and I took that out on you. I know there’s not enough apologies in the world to make it right, but I’m still sorry.’

Kaeya froze.

‘You’re-…’

‘I’m sorry.’ Diluc whispered. ‘I’m sorry.’ he repeated, louder this time.

For a moment, Kaeya was convinced he’d died already, and this was all just some hallucination before passing on.

‘I’m sorry, Kaeya.’ Diluc said again. ‘You don’t have to forgive me. I’d be deluded to think you would, but I wanted you to know at least.’

Kaeya stared at him with wide eyes at those words, his body surprisingly still despite the way he was shivering moments ago.

‘These past few days served as a good reminder as to how much we’ve lost exactly.’ Diluc breathed out. There was a wetness rolling down his cheeks now which Kaeya wasn’t entirely sure was due to the rain. ‘Back then, I thought-…I thought you never cared. That all of this was just a cover for you.’

‘That’s—’  

Not true, he wanted to say, but Diluc was faster.

‘But I know that’s not true now.’ he continued. ‘No one’s that good an actor, but especially not you. I think-…I think I’ve known for a while, actually. I just didn’t know what to do with that information.’

‘Oh.’

‘A few days ago, you told me you just wanted us to be okay again.’ Diluc brought out, sounding almost hopeful.

It made Kaeya’s chest constrict and throat feel dry.

‘I want us to be okay again too, Kaeya.’ Diluc said. ‘More than anything. I just don’t know how to make it happen.’

‘I don’t-…’ Kaeya brought out, not missing the way Diluc’s expression turned fearful. ‘I don’t know either.’ he admitted. ‘I don’t think we’ll ever go back to the way things were. But I still want to try and be okay. I want us to be brothers again, I want-…I want to come over and not have you look at me with disgust and hatred in your eyes. I want to visit dad’s grave together. I want to drink hot cocoa together and reminisce about silly memories, and just-…’

The lump in his throat prevented him from saying more, but if Diluc’s expression was anything to go by, he’d gotten across the message just fine.

‘I want that too.’ Diluc breathed out. ‘I want you to be able to call Dawn Winery your home again. I want to call your brother again. I want—’

Kaeya couldn’t stop an ugly sob from leaving his mouth then, his body going numb from all the emotions he was feeling.

‘Can I come over?’ Diluc asked.

‘Please.’ Kaeya replied, nodding frantically.

The other finally moved from his spot on the ground then, stumbling over to pull Kaeya into the tightest hug he could possibly muster.

Their hug at their father’s grave had been nothing in comparison to this one.

‘You’re freezing.’ Diluc whispered, though he refused to let go.

‘I’m hardly feeling it anymore.’ Kaeya whispered back, clinging to the other even if it hurt him to the bone.

‘You’ve-…you’ve got hypothermia, we should-…’

‘It’s fine.’ Kaeya whispered, eyelids growing heavy. ‘I’m fine now.’

‘I’m serious, Kaeya.’ Diluc brought out.

Kaeya would be fine with dying in that moment. They’d apologized, talked it out, said what they needed to say. He could die without regrets now, any remaining guilt and sorrow fading with him.

He also knew that would be incredibly unfair towards Diluc, who, despite his cold behaviour previously, seemed to have been struggling just as much as he was.

‘I’m going to need some help walking back.’ he admitted. ‘I don’t think I can feel my legs anymore.’

‘Okay.’ Diluc said, sucking in a sharp breath as he moved to support him. ‘Come on, let’s get you inside.’

‘Thanks.’ Kaeya murmured, trying to stay upright as the other helped him.

‘Of course.’ Diluc murmured. ‘That’s what big brothers are for.’

Kaeya didn’t recall ever reaching the winery that night.

They must have, for he woke up in a warm bed covered in about a dozen blankets, but he didn’t remember it.

What he did remember, were the heartfelt and genuine words him and Diluc had shared in the pouring rain. The apologies they’d given. The wishes they’d voiced.

Perhaps he’d get over his hatred for storms in this lifetime yet.

‘Kaeya.’ Diluc’s voice startled him, only now making Kaeya realize both him and Adelinde were sitting next to his bed as if he were a man dying.

‘I should be yelling at you until my lungs give out.’ Adelinde brought out as she looked at him, a slight tremble in her voice despite her best efforts to stay composed.

‘I’m sor—’

‘But I’m not going to, because master Diluc has told me everything that’s happened.’

‘Oh.’

‘Sorry, I insisted on waiting until you woke up, but…’ Diluc murmured guiltily.

‘It’s fine.’ Kaeya chuckled softly. ‘I know how she can get.’

As if on cue, Adelinde scoffed, moving to readjust his blankets just a little too harshly.

‘If you ever do something as foolish as that again, I’m locking you in your room and throwing away the key.’

‘Aren’t you the one who always said locking children up is child abuse?’ Diluc mused.

‘Well, you’re no children anymore.’ Adelinde huffed, cheeks flushing.

In any normal household, with normal staff and normal people living in it, such a threat would have been enough to get a maid fired. In the Ragnvindr household however, with a maid who might as well be considered family at this point, all it did was make the two of them laugh.

‘Gods I’ve missed this…’ Kaeya murmured, brain still fuzzy from sleep. Sleep without nightmares, miraculously enough.

‘You wouldn’t have to miss it so much if you came around more often.’ Adelinde mused, daring to say what neither of them were quite able to yet. ‘And the company would do master Diluc good too.’

‘Adelinde-…’ Diluc spoke up.

‘Oh don’t pretend as if that isn’t exactly what you want too.’ Adelinde argued. ‘Weren’t you the one who just last night begged me to...oh what was it, “please save his little brother’s life”, hm?’

‘Adelinde.’

‘Fine, fine. I’ll give you some time to talk things over properly.’ she sighed. ‘I won’t expect things to change in just a day, but…I’ve missed seeing you two like this too, you know?’

And with those words, she left the room, presumably off to either make them breakfast as if she hadn’t just threatened them into making up.

‘Gods I love that woman.’ Kaeya laughed after she was out of earshot. ‘I swear the world would be a better place if everyone had an Adelinde in their lives.’

‘Oh definitely.’ Diluc mused, agreeing wholeheartedly. ‘Whole wars could have been prevented.’

As much as joking together like this was enjoyable though, Kaeya knew it couldn’t last forever. The worst had passed, last night’s talk definitely having been a breaking point, but they still had plenty of steps to make.

‘Diluc, I—’

‘Kaeya, I’m—’

Oh.

As it turned out, Diluc was equally eager to clear things up, it seemed.

‘I’m sorry about last night.’ Diluc said, looking a little awkward. ‘I should have been a little more…tactful when dropping such a bomb on you.’

‘Yeah.’ Kaeya murmured. ‘Yeah, you should have been.’

‘I-…I meant what I said though, about us wanting to be okay again. There’s still some gaps in my memories here and there, but…I remember most of it. And that fact hasn’t changed.’

‘How do you know there’s not worse to come?’ Kaeya mused, deciding to take a little vengeance. Bad habits die hard, and all that.

Diluc’s face fell.

‘Is there?’

‘No, but I was just curious how you’d react.’

‘I’m going to smother you.’

‘You said you wouldn’t kill me!’ Kaeya laughed, the fact no anxiety filled him at such a threat an incredibly good and comforting sign.

‘Right, I guess I did.’ Diluc groaned. ‘I didn’t say anything about not making your life hell, though.’

‘Ah yes, the one other thing siblings are great at aside from having your back.’

‘Exactly.’

They grinned at each other then, eyes filled with a certain hopefulness Kaeya was grateful seemed to be mutual.

Things wouldn’t be the same as they once had been, and there were certainly more rough patches to come. But if it meant being able to call each other brother again, perhaps all of that would be worth it.

Perhaps they would be okay, eventually.

‘We shouldn’t leave Adelinde waiting.’ Diluc spoke softly then, getting up to allow him some space.

‘Mhh, she’ll get used to it.’ Kaeya mused. ‘I think I’m taking her up on that offer to come over more often.’

‘I’d…I’d like that, actually.’ Diluc admitted, surprisingly genuine despite the already light-hearted atmosphere.

‘Well, good.’ Kaeya said, deciding to do the same. ‘Because I intended to whether you agreed or not.’

As they went downstairs to eat breakfast, jokingly racing each other to see who’d get there first, it was almost as if no time had passed at all.

They’d definitely be okay. 

Diluc did in fact regain all of his memories eventually.

It took him a few days, but when he did, he went back to his usual self without much trouble.

Before, Kaeya had dreaded the day the other would regain them. Had lived in fear of what would happen once Diluc recalled the awful things he’d done. Before their heartfelt talk and mutual breakdown, he found himself wishing for the amnesia to last as long as possible.

Yet funnily enough, as he turned his key inside the door to Dawn Winery and walked in to join his brother for dinner, he found himself feeling grateful for the other’s speedy recovery.

Fond memories and amusing anecdotes were really only fun if the other party remembered them too, after all. And considering they now had both old and new memories to speak of, Kaeya rather hoped neither of them would end up with amnesia ever again.

One time had been plenty; an unexpected blessing in disguise.

He wouldn’t exactly recommend this method to any other fallen out siblings, but…hey, it had worked for them, hadn’t it?