Chapter Text
Soobin has never been the type to study.
Teachers and homework were the worst enemies to him, the first ones too petty for his own taste and the last one seemed like a waste of his precious time. However, he always excelled in school. Call him gifted, privileged or whatever, but it didn’t take him that much effort to get perfect scores in his tests and homework was way too easy; the school system appeared useless to him, it wasn’t a matter of learning, he just memorized everything their petulant teachers talked about in class. He couldn’t understand how it was so difficult for the others to get at least decent grades, even if their parents paid for them to pass it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t understand how certain boy always had to get extracurricular classes to get the bare minimum to pass the year. He despised him.
Teachers liked Soobin.
Despite his considerable hate towards almost every human being, he learned how to be approachable when needed. His mother taught him. He smiled when it was necessary, he pretended to be kind and he shut his mouth when he had to, his classmates called him shy, he just didn’t want to waste his words.
Teachers found him trustful.
He learned how to please people with more power than him, he learned how to make them happy. His mother told him to always do what those people liked, whichever task the teachers asked, he was the first one to offer. Clean the classroom? His hand raised. Help to grade another students’ homework or test? He did it. Watch over who was cheating in an exam? He was more than happy to help. Remind teachers of homework even they forgot was sent? He reminded them, every single time.
Being the class president because teachers thought he was the more suitable for that task?
He was delighted to do so.
People called Soobin a nerd.
It wasn’t a surprise for him that people tagged him as that stereotypical nerd guy who liked to study, read books, a “bookworm” as they said, clumsy and weird, he made them believe that. He started wearing glasses even if his eyesight was perfect, he started using formal shirts, weird bowties, and wool vests. He always carried books with himself, each time a different one.
He didn’t even like to read.
“Soobin? The teacher’s pet?”
With all the things he did to be in his teachers’ favor, he considered obvious to be hated by some of his insignificant classmates. It didn’t matter, they could never give him anything, they were useless, they were powerless.
Soobin only cared about people with power.
His mother, if he could still call her that, taught him how to be submissive. She taught him how to survive.
“Mom, why do you always let dad do whatever he wants?”
“Your father will get mad if he can’t do whatever he wants. Mommy knows what’s best for us Soobin.”
“Mommy knows what’s best for us”
Funny.
He didn’t even remember her face now.
Soobin didn’t have a place he could call home.
When school time was over he used to wander around the city, he went to the library, to sleep, he went to karaoke rooms, again to sleep, he went to cheap cafés he could afford with what his father gave him, he went to some arcades and played until he felt satisfied, he went to every possible location he could think of, nevertheless he grew tired of them. His curiosity guided him to an interesting site to stay away from home, a gay bar. He was underage when he encountered that peculiar place, it seemed awful, but he decided it was better than staying near his father or the other boring options he was tired of.
“Wait buddy, we’re not even open” an old man stopped him “How old are you?” his eyes scanned him from head to toe
Soobin was still wearing his school clothes. He smiled.
“How old do you think I am?” he acted cocky, pretentious. The old man looked at him unamused
“Look kid, this isn’t a place for you, come back when you are eighteen at least”
Soobin’s face dropped.
“It’s just…” he looked down and played with his hands “I don’t want to go home” his eyes went up to look at the old man
Puppy eyes.
“I just want somewhere to stay until dad falls asleep” he continued “Until it is safe for me to go there”
His eyes went teary, his head went down, his voice sounded scared, a total change of his attitude.
“I-I can help you clean or something, but please let me stay”
The old man sighed.
Soobin smiled subtly.
“I guess you can wash some dishes” Soobin’s eyes lighted up
“Thank you so much” he threw himself into the old man and hugged him
He was pushed away lightly
“Stop pretending and follow me before the police appears”
Soobin stood there dumbfounded. That old man was really something, he laughed to himself and followed him inside.
He saw a gentle face cleaning the tables.
There were only a few people who knew his true nature.
Kai Kamal was his very first true friend. Always smiling, gentle and energetic, and always getting into trouble. Soobin liked the boy even if he couldn’t get anything from him, Kai was not powerful nor was he smart or useful, but the way his mind worked was interesting, the first time he met him was the very first time he found himself not being able to predict a human being.
“Hi! My name is Kai!” he extended his hand towards the dark haired “I’m in charge of cleaning here!”
Soobin swore he’s never heard a louder voice in his life, his hand never reached for Kai’s.
“Kai, you don’t need to shout” the old man who guided him inside spoke, Kai laughed loudly
“Sorry uncle Yoon, you know that’s my regular tone of voice” he lowered his tone almost comically
“You’re going to give me a headache” the man rolled his eyes and sighed “Anyways, this kid here is going to help you with your cleaning duties”
“Huh? Aren’t you satisfied with my abilities?” he pouted and leaned his head on the chair in front of him “Uncle are you going to replace me with this kid?” his voice sounded dramatic, and he tilted his head
“I’m pretty sure we’re the same age” Soobin spoke shyly, Yoon, as Kai called him rolled his eyes again
“No way you’re sixteen dude!” he took him by the shoulders “You’ll have to tell me your secrets to look this young!” he showed him a big smile “You look like a kid!” he shook him roughly, like he had too much energy kept inside
“Both of you are kids” Yoon said in a tired voice as he saved Soobin from Kai’s grip “And I already told you to stop pretending kid” he looked directly in Soobin’s eyes “If you didn’t fool me, you won’t fool Kai either”
Soobin looked between them; his voice stuck on his throat. He’s never had someone come so directly at him.
“What’s your name kid?” Kai asked with a big grin on his face, extending his hand once again to the black haired
Soobin stayed silent for a few seconds, looking at the hand in front of him. He smiled.
“I’m Soobin” he took Kai’s hand with his own “Nice to meet you Kai”
Kai smiled even bigger than before.
Kang Taehyun became his friend. He was one of a kind, smart, perceptive, funny when was needed, and kind to others, Soobin thought he was pretending. Soobin was somewhat wrong.
Taehyun appeared in his life in the last year of school, something like a change of schools because his father got a promotion, he remembered the first time he saw him, they locked eyes and the smaller boy smiled at him, Soobin had never teared his gaze apart from someone that fast, he felt uneasy.
“Hey class president” he heard a familiar voice call his name but didn’t turn around “Soobin-ssi? Did you hear me?” the boy reached him and touched his shoulder
He was forced to turn around.
“Oh, hi Taehyun-ssi” he smiled showing his dimples “Sorry, I didn’t notice you were calling me. Do you need anything?”
Taehyun stared at him like he was digging deep inside his soul.
“I just wondered where you were going. You always disappear so fast after school, unless you have some duties to do”
“Oh, just going to the library to study and then home” Soobin felt weird, why did it matter to the boy? “How about you? Have some plans with your friends?” he expected to receive a positive answer and then end the conversation
But Taehyun planned something else.
“I see” he raised his brows “I thought you were going to that gay bar” Soobin froze “You know that one that is kind of hidden”
The taller boy got away from Taehyun, his façade almost dropping.
“What do you mean? I don’t go to those kind of places” he stared at him intently
“Really? I thought I saw you going there yesterday-”
“It wasn’t me” Soobin said harshly “Please, I’m asking you to not create false rumors”
Taehyun kept his mouth shut for some minutes; his laugh broke the silence generated.
“You don’t have to worry, I’m not like those who hate you” he punched his shoulder lightly “Sorry, maybe I got confused and it was someone very similar to you” he smiled and ruffled his hair “Bye, have a good time at the library class president” with that he left Soobin standing there
Soobin didn’t go to the bar in a week, just in case.
It didn’t help.
When he thought Taehyun lost interest in him, he went to the bar again.
“Where have you been kid?” Yoon reprimanded him “Just so you know I won’t pay you for the last week” Soobin rolled his eyes
“You know I can call the police on you, right? I will tell them you forced me to be here” he said as they walked inside
“And police are so stupid they will believe you” Yoon sighed tiredly; Soobin just hummed in agreement
His breath stopped once he reached his destination.
“Oh Soobin!” Kai greeted him waving his hand “You’re finally here!” he shouted every single word
“The tone Kai” Yoon reminded him as he went to the stairs that lead to a second floor
“Oh right!” Kai ignored him and looked at the boy seating beside him “This boy has been coming here every day saying he wants to see you”
Soobin sighed.
“What do you want Taehyun?”
The boy smiled.
“Nothing much” Soobin stared at him intensely, his façade finally vanished “I just think you’re interesting and wanted to know you more” the tall boy furrowed his brows
“Why?” he asked
“You don’t have friends, do you?” Soobin glared at him
“Well, no…”
“Hey! What about me?” Kai questioned offended
“Let me be your first friend Soobin” he extended his hand
“What?! I’m his first friend!” Kai interrupted furiously
Soobin stared at the hand in front of him.
“What do you gain from this?” he asked ignoring Kai’s tantrums
“Gain? Is that all you think about?” he kept his hand extended “I don’t want anything, I just don’t like the other people in our classroom. And as I said I think you’re interesting”
Soobin couldn’t see any kind of malicious intentions from the other, he genuinely wanted to be his friend.
“Fine” he said after some seconds of silence and took Taehyun’s hand “Be my friend then”
“His second friend!” Kai insisted, Soobin chuckled
“Alright, his second friend then” Taehyun smiled as he shook Soobin’s hand “I guess that makes us friends too” he looked at Kai
Kai blinked a few times.
“Sure!” a big grin appeared on his face, whatever bad feeling he had against Taehyun gone “Let’s be friends!” he threw himself at the smaller boy and hugged him tightly, Soobin noticed Taehyun’s ears going a little red
“Kids! Get to work or I’ll kick your asses and won’t pay you!” Yoon shouted from upstairs
Kai giggled.
“He always says that but never does anything”
The tall guys started to clean the place as Taehyun watched them, Kai started a conversation to ‘Get to know each other’ as he called it.
And they talked and talked.
Soobin felt weirdly happy.
He was nine when he met Choi Yeonjun. It was almost comical to him, a clumsy boy with big round glasses, dressed up with a formal shirt, a blue bowtie as well as some blue shorts and a pair of black loafers, too fancy for him. His parents were certainly rich as well as other parents in his school. Said boy was in front of him, in the middle of the school garden, face against a mix of grass and mud, his glasses broken and dirty, his fancy clothes ruined.
“How dumb” he said without any intent of helping him
He heard a sob.
He’s crying.
The sobs grew louder as the small boy tried to get up on his knees, his running nose seemed disgusting to Soobin, his tears mixed with the traces of dirt on his face, he tried to wipe them off failing miserably.
Pain ran through Soobin’s ears.
“You’re being too loud” he covered his ears, signs of disgust on his face “Stop crying”
The boy hiccupped.
“I’m…sorry” he wiped his nose with the back of his hand as he finally could get up
Soobin examined him, his white shirt became brown, he got scraped knees and his hands had itches all over them, his eyes went up to his crying face, his brows were furrowed, his nose was red, his eyes were small. He didn’t like the boy.
“Yeonjun!” he heard a voice shouting “There you are!”
A young woman, dressed up with some kind of uniform, her hair combed in a tidy bun, a maid, Soobin supposed. Yeonjun, as she called him, started to cry loudly again, making grabby hands at her.
How old was he? Five?
“It’s okay dear, don’t cry” she picked him up ruining her uniform as well “Is this a new friend?” she asked looking at Soobin
Yeonjun didn’t answer. Soobin stood there for some seconds before running away from the school garden.
“Hi, my name is Choi Yeonjun”
Soobin glared at him. It turned out that clumsy boy from before was his new classmate, all tied up, with new glasses and new clothes, less nerdy than before. A change of schools he said. Soobin didn’t pay attention after that.
“Soobin? We don’t like him” the youngest of the class spoke “Don’t be friends with him” his voice was louder than usual, clearly wanting the other to hear
Soobin didn’t mind him, nor did he mind the stares directed at him. Yeonjun stood there silently.
“Okay” Soobin heard a tiny voice speaking after some seconds
The rest of the boys dragged Yeonjun outside of the classroom.
Soobin felt his heart aching.
He shook his head.
It didn’t matter.
It shouldn’t matter to him.