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Four people stepped through the gate and onto the stone platform, admiring the view of rolling hills, fields of tall grass waving gently in the light breeze, and trees … lots and lots of trees. The sky was a clear azure blue, with a smattering of puffy white clouds drifting lazily by. Birds chirped and sang. Bees buzzed and did loops around attractive and tempting flowers. All in all, a lovely day.
Daniel’s first comment was “Oooh goody. Ruins for me to explore.”
Sam’s first comment was “Ooooh goody. Soil for me to sample.”
Jack’s first comment was “Ooooh goody. Trees and more trees.” Other than that, he simply indulged himself in his favorite hobby - watching Carter. Just watching her. She could be doing absolutely nothing and he’d enjoy watching her.
Teal’c’s first comment was … well, he didn’t have a comment. He was usually quite silent, unless he had a comment of one or two words … which he didn’t at the moment.
Staying within sight and sound of each other, the four went about exploring the immediate area.
Daniel was overjoyed at discovering writings on some of the walls in the nearby ruins. Though after about an hour of intense scrutiny, he stepped back from one of the walls, and his “uh oh” brought the other three quickly to his side.
“What?” said Jack.
“What?” said Sam.
Teal’c simply raised an eyebrow in silent inquiry.
As Daniel explained it, having used all of his extensive skills as an archaeologist and linguist to translate what he had discovered - they had stumbled onto a planet devoted to shipping. He continued to drone on for awhile until all his teammates glared impatiently and each raised a single eyebrow at him.
“Right. Well, the thing is that shippers are devoted fans of their favorite relationship. They create forums to discuss their favorite pairing, right down to the last detail of their lives. They create pretty posters and icons with clever quotes, and even write fan fiction. However, when the venue for that pairing gets cancelled, interest slowly starts to wane … or at the very least leaves the same old stuff to discuss over and over again. You know, … nothing new to observe, analyze and debate. There are even what’s referred to as ‘lurkers’ who like to join in and observe, but not participate. And when those shippers and lurkers move on with other areas of their lives or interest starts to fade, so … apparently … do the people they ‘ship’”. Looking directly at Sam and Jack as he said this, Daniel waited for them to realize he was talking about them.
Jack reached out to poke Sam’s shoulder … and his hand passed right through her.
Aghast, Sam attempted to poke Jack’s shoulder … only for her hand to pass right through him.
Together, they were appalled that Daniel was literally talking about them. They were fading away … due to diminishing interest on the part of shippers everywhere! Oh, the tragedy!
What to do, what to do?
“I’m fading, I tell you, fading …” wailed a disconsolate Jack, who kept trying to poke Sam’s arm in order to touch her. But his hand kept passing through her increasingly insubstantial body.
Daniel snorted, chastising Jack with, “Knock if off, Jack. You aren’t the Wicked Witch of the West and this isn’t the Wizard of Oz ... and we aren’t in Kansas. Although if there was a bucket of water around here, I might just throw it on you to see if it had the same results it did with the Witch! Now, be quiet and let me try to think of a solution.”
Jack sulked and stomped over to where Sam sat on a ruined corner of stone wall ... thinking. Jack’s attention span being as short as it was, he found himself imagining math equations and physics symbols swirling in a little bubble over her head as she thought, and he pondered how he might burst that bubble just for the fun of it.
Finally, Daniel stopped pacing, looked around at the meadow full of tall grass and beyond to the stands of trees in the distance, and spoke loudly: “Look, we know you lurkers (and maybe some shippers, too) are out there. We can hear you giggling. So if you really, really love Sam and Jack, and don’t want them to fade away, you’d better come out now and announce your allegiance and devotion.” He scanned the surrounding grassland, hoping for a reaction, a noise … something … but there was no movement, nothing except the slight swaying of the grass.
He tried again. “Hey! I’m talking to all you shippers out there. Make some noise if you care! For crying out loud … squee, if you must. Squee in unison.” One of Jack’s eyebrows crept higher on hearing one of his favorite sayings being used without his permission.
Daniel’s enthusiasm ratcheted up a few notches, as he continued: “Raise your voices in a mighty chorus, as loud as you can. Let the joyous sound spread across the land and around the world, even into outer space - or at least to the moonbase. Let everyone know there is still devotion and love for the ‘S/S Sam and Jack Ship’. The louder you squee, the more solid Sam and Jack will become again. The quieter you are, however, the more they’ll fade.”
“Damn,” he thought, mentally congratulating himself. “I’m really good at this.” He looked around, hopefully … waiting for some reaction. Nothing happened.
Time passed.
As motionless as a statute, hands clasped behind his back, Teal’c stood quietly observing the meadow. Then in one swift, but graceful movement for a man his size, he pounced on a section of tall grass about ten feet away. When he reappeared above the grass, he held a wriggling, struggling, squealing lurker in his grasp.
To cries of “no, no, I don’t want to go”, he dragged the lurker back to where Daniel was standing guard next to the still fading Sam and Jack.
The lurker cowered on the ground, and cringed when Teal’c leaned over, raised one eyebrow and scowled his fiercest scowl, declaring “You will announce your devotion … NOW … or your favorite ‘ship’ will cease to exist!”
He straightened and then a slight smile appeared on his lips as he leaned back over and whispered something in the lurker’s ear. A look of abject horror appeared on the lurker’s face. The poor thing immediately stood up straight and marched off resolutely into the grass and disappeared.
Daniel had been watching this scenario … really impressed with Teal’c’s abilities of persuasion … and finally asked “Just what did you say?”
“I merely pointed out that should the lurker’s favorite ship fade away completely, there would be NO 3rd MOVIE!”
Daniel snickered loudly!
Sam and Jack sighed sadly, in unison.
At which time, Teal’c again pounced on a stand of tall grass that appeared to be swaying more than a mere breeze would cause … and came up with a struggling, wriggling, squealing lurker in each hand. At his loud command, the two instantly ceased their struggling and whimpered, while trying to cower away from him, even while he held them a foot above the ground. He set them down with a thump and then leaned down to speak to them … so quietly that again Daniel could not hear what was said. But after what Teal’c had said to the previous lurker, he could imagine the threat he was imparting.
As before, the two new lurkers stood up straight, looked Teal’c right in the eye, pulled themselves together and purposefully marched off in opposite directions. Teal’c merely lifted his hand to inspect his fingernails, blew on them briefly, and then looked fiercely around at the tall grass.
Almost instantly, like a flurry of birds being startled into the air, a small group of lurkers burst from the cover of tall grass and bolted off in all directions, leaving Teal’c with a satisfied smirk on his face.
Turning back towards Daniel and the increasingly insubstantial Jack and Sam, who were still poking at each other, trying to connect with something solid and having no success, Teal’c commented that there was nothing more to do but wait.
SJ&SJ&SJ&SJ
During the next hour, SG1 waited and waited. Periodically, Jack or Sam - who were sitting glumly side by side on a broken rock wall - would poke at the other, only to have their finger or hand pass right through the other. Daniel noticed that as time passed, the two seemed to get just a little bit more insubstantial, and it began to really worry him.
Tiring of Daniel’s waiting and pacing, and then pacing and waiting, Teal’c rose to his feet, peering off into the distance.
At first Daniel wasn’t sure what, if anything, Teal’c was seeing. And then … he saw it. Movement across the field of tall grass, at the edge of the treeline. What seemed to be a shimmering, moving wave of humanity flowed out of the trees, bending the tall grass ahead of them as it moved forward … lurkers! And shippers, too!
Looking intently as the crowd surged slowly forward, Daniel recognized DevilishMe, Trinity3, Majorsal, Regularamanda, SG-1fanintn. And, yes, wasn’t that Pol, Alan, Rocky, MadGater, too? Familiar names on multi-colored flags that flew on sticks grasped in the hands of each person - Starlover, MandySG1 and … yes, there was Jumble with her SamAndJack banner in one hand and her WooHood banner in the other.
As he noted the names on the flags, he realized he was hearing a noise … an increasingly loud noise. It had started as a low humming as the crowd came forth from the trees … and then changed in volume and tone until it sounded like … yes, yes it did, indeed. It was definitely a loud SQUEEING! And yes, he even thought he could feel the vibration from the squeeing in the ground, through his feet, and a lovely tingling sensation that spread through his body! He sniffled slightly and wiped a tear from one eye, saying “Damn allergies!”
SJ&SJ&SJ&SJ
As the crowd grew and the volume of the chorus rose to a crescendo of deafening proportions, a tear slid down Sam’s cheek as she laid her head against Jack’s shoulder and whispered tremulously, “Oh, sir, … they love us … they really, really do love us!”
And then giggled melodiously and poked Jack … hard … right in the shoulder, as she realized THEY WERE SOLID AGAIN!
Not to be outdone, Jack threw his arms tightly around Sam, lifting her off the ground and swinging her enthusiastically around and around in a circle … until he made himself dizzy and had to stop. He carefully set her back on the ground and brushed some imaginary lint off her jacket, then more gently put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him, smiling gratefully at the crowd that was gathering around.
Following much merriment, and more choral squeeing and cheering in general, people started to drift away, all the while assuring Sam and Jack they were still devoted to them, and only awaiting full confirmation of their “ship” in order for true closure to be had so that everyone could live in peace, harmony, and …
Happily Ever After!