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Red overwhelms my vision before I even register that I'm awake. It used to be a familiar sight; back then, swaying strands of crimson brushed against my eyes whenever I came to, putting me in a bad mood before I could scrape together enough awareness to understand why I was so annoyed in the first place. But unless she forgot her hairtie today, then... right. She . I'm me. My thoughts finally settle into place out of the smoke, and it dawns-
SUMIRE: Hehe, do you mean "dusks?"
HITORI: Ugh. Save the bad wordplay for when I'm awake enough to get properly angry at it.
-on me that I'm looking at a sunset, not a bunch of loose hair.
(Sumire poked fun at me those days, saying that I was just looking for an excuse to be grumpy. But she was the one to suggest leaving a letter to herself asking to put her hair up anyways.)
"Wow, I can't believe you turned into such a sleepyhead that you almost snored your way through a view like this . I'll have you know that I have a monopoly on catnaps around here, Sumire." My guts twist, and I can feel that chic salad that Sumire ate only a few hours ago curdling in my stomach.
More sensations register. Slick leather under my cheek, heat radiating out from beneath it. Some slight movement from Hakuno's chest slowly rising and falling, the fading sun caressing both of us. The fading sunlight is almost like fire, reflecting through the train's windows and spreading across the train car as if the floor was drenched in oil. All painted into a perfect moment for my sister to share with a friend she's seeing for the first time in two years.
And here I am, stealing it without either of them noticing.
SUMIRE: You can't blame yourself for this. It's not like...
HITORI: "It's not like I meant it?"
HITORI: That doesn't matter.
HITORI: I'm supposed to protect you, not-
"Yoohoo? Earth to Sumire? You good?" Worry sneaks into Hakuno's voice, and I do my best to subtly bite down on my tongue to stop a curse from escaping when I realize I got caught in our head again.
I murmur under my breath, shifting slightly like I'm recovering from a post-nap fugue—which is true, in a way. Each time I twitch, the innumerable frills and ruffles of Sumire's dress mercilessly dig into my skin.
HITORI: We'll talk later. I've got to do damage control.
SUMIRE: Just make sure not to beat yourself up about this, okay?
HITORI: Shush.
SUMIRE: Hitori...
"Mmmmorning, Hakuno..." I say in Sumire's voice, stretching my vocal cords until they're about to snap. "Or evening, hehe." As long as I'm stealing her reunion, I might as well swipe her lines to make my halfhearted impression more believable.
"There you are. Wow, girl," I lock my muscles into place to keep myself from flinching, "did you get any sleep last night?"
"Of course not. How could I sleep knowing I'd finally get to see my best friend today."
Hakuno's eyes widen for a half-second, and it sinks in too late that my bitterness must've seeped into "Sumire's" voice. "Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of my shoulder."
"I- I didn't mean it like that, gosh!" Lingering on what, exactly, was on the other side of Hakuno's shoulder is enough to make my stutter genuine. "Or, well, I did, because I really am glad to see you... I just sounded all grumpy because my brain's smoky from falling asleep like that." The lies are easy to spin, even as they burn my throat on their way out.
"I know, you dork. I'm glad to see you too."
The sunset wavers on the horizon as Hakuno watches a beautiful gift from nature with her best friend in tranquil silence, and I unwillingly share an uncomfortable moment with a stranger-
SUMIRE: C'mon, Hitori, you're being really unfair to yourself!
SUMIRE: Try to remember. One of the first things you did period was save her from my "friends," right?
...It was different between the two of us back then, if I can say there were two of us at all. "I" was a state of mind, a sudden impulse here and there, a rising rage in Sumire's heart. The only divide between me and my sister was the faint confusion she felt when she bandaged her knuckles in the bathroom the day I punched that locker.
It was moments like that. A sullen frown spreading across Sumire's face as I vented about her shitty ex-friends to Hakuno. Nails digging into her palms nearly deep enough to draw blood before a torrent of words in Hakuno's defense exploded from my lips. A spark of self-awareness in a quiet moment leaning against Hakuno's shoulder at the Flaming Pride Friendship Squad picnic... Had she really always been...
SUMIRE: Do it.
HITORI: Do what?
SUMIRE: I can read your mind, silly. There's no harm.
SUMIRE: Besides, I know you're doing this for me and you hate that you're the one having this moment with her, but...
SUMIRE: You deserve a memento, too. After all-
HITORI: I get it. No need to repeat yourself.
"Hey, Hakuno." My voice drifts lower than Sumire's should, but I can't bring myself to correct it.
She shifts, like a cat uncurling from a nap in a sunbeam. "'Sup, bestie? I was worried you drifted off again."
"This is stupid, but..." I bite my lip. For once, it isn't an affected gesture. "I don't want to forget a moment like this. Not ever. Do you think we could take a picture together?"
"Of course, dude!" As stupid as it is, my heart flutters when I hear that single syllable thoughtlessly tumble from Hakuno's mouth, and it propels me into motion.
"We should do it now, then. Sun's almost set."
Hakuno giggles as I pull her to her feet. "Wow, you're serious serious about this, huh! Hm hm hm~" She adjusts her glasses, positioning them at the exact right angle for the lenses to flash in the dying light. "Good thing that I've perfected my selfie game over this past year. Gotta make the girls look good, you know?"
She bobs her shoulders with diabolical intent, and I force myself to look Hakuno in the eyes to maintain my sister's reputation as the token straight of the Flaming Pride Friendship Squad. Judging by the catlike angle of Hakuno's smirk, enough of a blush rose to my face that my mission was at least a partial failure.
"I- I can't begrudge you for showing them off, but jeez, Hakuno... isn't that a bit much for public transport?" My estimate of Sumire's sentiments echo my own as I shuffle to stand in front of the train's window with Hakuno.
"If anything, it's not enough!" Her face softens for a moment as she angles her phone to get me in frame for the perfect best-and-selfie. "I know that it's hard for you to understand, but... I want to show you that I'm finally me , if that makes any sense. The boobs are just a fun way to shout that the girl you saw in me back at our old school finally exists as loud as I possibly can. If that makes any sense." She pauses. "Which I'm sure it doesn't."
"No, I..." Click . "I think I get it."
We huddle over Hakuno's phone to get a closer look at the picture, and I see that it's my face that was captured. There's not a trace of Sumire in "her" expression; only a ghostly half-smile and light that barely reaches my tired eyes. My posture is awful too: ramrod straight, obviously uncomfortable in Sumire's dress, shoulders stiff and square... it's like all the lies were burned away, leaving only an awkward, ashamed truth next to radiance that made the setting sun seem like a mere backlight.
The desiccated remains of that ghastly excuse for a mask rot into my skeletal frown. "Damnit. I look terrible in this. Let's take another."
SUMIRE: Incorrect. Your face is adorable.
HITORI: I- I am not adorable!
But Hakuno shakes her head, her face lit up by a subtle smile that's somehow brighter than her wide grin in the photo. "Nah. This is perfect."
SUMIRE: See! Hakuno agrees with me!
HITORI: Shut up...
"Wh-"
"I was worried about you, you know?" I'm almost too busy cursing myself for everything I screwed up to catch her next words. "You were so bubbly and happy-go-lucky all day that I started to wonder if you, like, had some bad news you were trying to soften me up for."
I cast my thoughts back to Sumire's memories, sifting through the blur of the reunion to find what Hakuno could possibly be talking about. Sumire was happy, right? She had to be, she was finally getting to see her best friend again. Yet on closer inspection, I find a gnarled net cast across the river of her mind. Worries about Eito and a faint strain of anxiety over keeping me safe tangled up within one another, tying into a messy knot that she tried to cover with that relentless optimism.
Laughing sheepishly, Hakuno rubs the back of her neck. "I know it sounds stupid, alright? 'specially now that I'm saying it out loud. But... gah, how do I put this without sounding weird?!"
She grasps at the air, and her exaggerated gesturing strikes me out of my dumbstruckness with its ridiculousness. I snort and say, "You're already weird." My faux pas hits me as soon as the words leave my mouth, and before Hakuno can finish puffing up her cheeks and crossing her arms I follow up with, "In a good way, though! In a, uh, friend way."
"That's the thing! I didn't make friends with the Sumire who does nothing but smile and nod to whatever I say. Heck, the only reason that I'm here or that I'm me at all is because you let all that crap drop to put the fear of God into those assholes that cornered me at the lockers!" Hakuno sighs, too caught up in figuring out how to articulate herself to notice that I'm frozen still. "I know it's not all a front. You're such a sweet gal that it gives me a toothache sometimes. But that's not all you are! So I was wondering if something was up when you didn't show me anything else. Like... The grumpy Sumire is as much my best friend as the happy Sumire is. That's all."
"I..." It's too much. "It's- there's-" I gulp down all the confessions clawing at my throat. "...thanks."
She gives me that warm smile again, and I want to hold onto it forever. For once, she doesn't fill the quiet with a quip or a smirk or a lazy sigh. There's just the sun rising across from me.
The train comes to a halt at our stop. I manage to murmur, "See you around," as I turn to escape.
SUMIRE: Goodbye, Hakuno...
But she doesn't let me go that easily. "I'm not going to give you any other choice! We'll make up for so much lost time that you'll be sick of me before the week's out!" Hakuno cups her hands around her mouth to shout as the train's doors close on her. I stand there, motionless, until Sumire's phone chirps with a message from Hakuno.
I'm sure that my face reflected my smile in that picture as I stared at it for every step of the walk home.