Work Text:
Jinyoung missed the days when everything was easier. Back when it was only him and Jaebum, and he was the only one for Jaebum to dote on and Jaebum was his only hyung. He knew he sounded selfish, so incredibly selfish, but he couldn't help it sometimes. Especially when Jaebum was laughing with Jackson over some inside joke or doting on Youngjae or paying more attention to the maknaes when Jinyoung was trying to get his attention. He hated it, he really did. He had been so used to being the only one in Jaebum's life, the only one for Jaebum to pay attention to, so the transition had been a hard one.
He dealt with it better now, laughed when Youngjae and Jaebum made 2Jae jokes or when Jaebum pampered the maknaes, instead of glaring at them stonily or sitting there in silence, but it still bothered him. He never brought it up, learned to be content with the little kisses he shared with Jaebum when both of them were alone, since he knew that was something the others could never take away. But soon, he figured out he had an ace up his sleeve too. An ace named Mark. Mark wasn't overly affectionate until you got to know him, and when Jinyoung sat down beside him one day to show him something and the other man leaned his head on Jinyoung's shoulder, he suddenly knew how he'd get back at Jaebum for being with Youngjae so much. Mark didn't mind when Jinyoung suddenly started latching himself to the other mans side, just laughing or going along with it whenever it happened, so Jinyoung never felt bad about it.
The best thing about this situation was the fact that he would get affection from Mark and from Jaebum. And even if Jaebum didn't do anything, he'd still get the affection he wanted from the quieter man by his side. The fans coined a ship name for them too, and although Jinyoung was sure he'd never date Mark, since he was still very much in love with Jaebum, no matter how thickheaded the other was, he liked the look Jaebum got on his face whenever it was mentioned or whenever he and Mark would joke around. Jinyoung felt like it was a good payback for all the times Jaebum had wandered off with Youngjae and not given him a second thought.
He was even more overjoyed when Jaebum began to show his jealousy. The first time it happened, a little while after Jinyoung and Mark had started getting closer, they'd all been sitting on the couch together, getting ready to watch a movie. Mark and Jackson were already sitting down on the couch, together, like always, and Jackson had insisted Jaebum get the seat beside him because, not only was he the leader, Jackson liked sitting beside him while they watched movies. Jinyoung had felt a little hurt, of course, hearing that he was second choice to Jaebum. He'd been hoping to hold hands with his boyfriend, like they usually did when they were allowed to have movie nights, but it had looked like that wasn't a possibility. Sighing, he'd went to sit on the ground when Mark grabbed his wrist and sent him a small smile.
"Here, sit on my lap. You're not heavy, and if you sit to the side, we'll both be able to see." Smiling happily, he thanked him and tentatively sat down, shifting to the side so Mark's arms could comfortably wrap around his waist and his back was against the armrest, so they could both see comfortably.
"Is this okay?" He asked, drawing his legs up and looking at Mark with big eyes, ignoring Jackson's shocked expression to focus instead on Mark's mischievous smile. Mark nodded, but before the other man could say anything, Jaebum laid his hand on the back of Jinyoung's neck, shocking him and causing him to draw up his shoulders.
"Nope, not okay. You can sit on my lap, if you want to sit on someone's lap." Jinyoung wasn't sure when Jaebum had come in, but the tone of his voice made him shiver. The three youngest, settled down on the floor with the popcorn, watched with wide eyes, in disbelief, probably, while Mark raised his eyebrows at Jaebum, almost tauntingly. Jinyoung saw the flash of anger in Jaebum's eyes and quickly untangled Mark's arms from his waist, not wanting them to get into a fight or for the younger ones to experience Jaebum's anger, not even once.
Jaebum's hand moved from the back of his neck to his wrist, and the grip was almost bruising as he tugged Jinyoung over to where he'd be sitting, sat down, and pulled the younger into his lap. As his arms wrapped possessively around Jinyoung's waist, Jinyoung decided he would do things like this more often, especially if they finally got Jaebum's attention back on him.
The attention would never last long, though. After a few days of keeping Jinyoung by his side almost everywhere he went, the older would go back to his old habits and leave Jinyoung by himself again. Except now, Jinyoung wasn't alone, and he could count on Mark to give him affection in the place of Jaebum. It wasn't the same, of course, but it held him over until Jaebum either took notice of him again or got jealous enough to rip him away and brood at Mark for days afterwards.
He enjoyed the times when Jaebum would come up to him and wrap his arm around him, looking at him with adoration in his eyes instead of possesiveness or jealousy, as such was usually the case whenever he tore him away from Mark.
The few times when Jaebum would tell him to sit beside him at the fansigns and would show him affection on shows made him happy, so happy it was hard to bring him down for the rest of the day. It showed him that Jaebum really did still love him, and that the other just wasn't sure how to juggle the responsiblities of being a leader and their relationship at the same time. The secret kisses and the times when Jaebum would sneak into his room reminded him that whatever they had wasn't over, and they were just trying to figure out how to make it work. He liked seeing that the fans had made a gifset of a moment between the two of him, because it told him their relationship could at least be seen a bit by others and didn't go completely unnoticed.
But sometimes, like now, it wasn't enough, and he would feel the urge to have fanservice with Mark, just to get Jaebum's eyes back on him. It wasn't exactly the best time, they were having a concert, for god's sake, but he couldn't put it off anymore. Earlier, Youngjae had joked about Jaebum being his, and although this wouldn't normally bother Jinyoung, it bothered him this time because Jaebum had agreed. He wondered if this was how it felt to be cheated on, because it sure felt like that was what Jaebum was doing. The smile Jaebum had given Youngjae and the way he'd freely laughed instead of seeming a bit awkward had made Jinyoung want to cry and scream at the same time. He'd sat in his room and hid himself under the covers for hours afterwards, refusing to come out and eat dinner because "he wasn't hungry and needed to sleep".
Mark had been the one to come and talk to him in the end, not Jaebum. He'd come in and sat at the edge of Jinyoung's bed, poking at the lump under the covers until Jinyoung finally groaned and poked his head out the top, hoping the older boy wouldn't see the fact that he'd been crying. Of course, Mark noticed, he always did, and simply leaned over to wrap him in a hug, not saying anything, again, like he always did. Jinyoung accepted the hug, leaning heavily into Mark until the older man finally pulled away.
"Are you pulled together enough to tell me what's wrong?" Jinyoung looked down and traced pictures on his blankets with his index finger, unsure if he wanted to talk or not. After a few moments, Mark sighed. "It's Jaebum again, isn't it?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"To me it is, because whenever something happens you either start clinging to me or you hole yourself away in your room. You've done both today." Jinyoung groaned and buried his face in his blankets as he pulled his legs up to his chest.
"I'm so pathetic, hyung." Mark shifted to where he was farther up on the bed and began to rub circles on Jinyoung's back.
"No, you're not, you're doing what most other people in your situation would do. What he said today wasn't okay, both of them should know not to joke about that."
"But they did. And now I just... I can't stop thinking about it." He lifted his head to give Mark his most pathetic pout and saw the mischievous glint in his hyung's eyes.
"Get him back, then. I'm sure we can arrange a bit of fanservice ourselves." Jinyoung couldn't help but to laugh at the way he said it, wiggling his eyebrows as he looked at the younger with a little smile.
"You're the best, hyung, you know that, right?" Mark laughed quietly, reaching an arm out to pull Jinyoung closer and leaning back onto the bed.
"Yeah, I know. You're lucky to have me." They stayed like that until Jinyoung drifted off to sleep, his head pillowed on the others chest. Mark stayed the night in his room that night, and if Jaebum noticed it, he didn't say anything the next morning, and refused to meet either of their eyes.
-
Jinyoung hadn't forgotten about what Mark had said the night before, so when Mark came up beside him as they were preparing to go on stage and whispered "just go along with what I do", he knew exactly what the other was referring to. Time seemed to drag by as they performed on stage, Jinyoung continuosly stealing glances at both Jaebum and Mark throughout. Just as he thought Mark had maybe forgot or was planning something insane, the other came up to him, cornering the younger between him and Yugyeom, that look written all over his face.
Jinyoung suddenly knew what Mark was planning to do. He smiled nervously, his stomach buzzing in his stomach as Mark leaned forward and placed both his hands on Yugyeom's back, successfully giving Jinyoung no way out. He mouthed a quick "go with it" before leaning forwards, the smile on his lips slightly feral, and Jinyoung remembered just how much Mark put on a sweet outside, but inside was playful and for some reason enjoyed seeing the looks on both Jaebum's and Jackson's faces whenever he did things like this.
Drawing in a breath, he returned Mark's smile and shrank back into Yugyeom, being more submissive than he remembers being in a long time. Yugyeom was giggling, and he wondered if the maknae was in on this and just how close Mark was going to let his lips get, as he could now feel the others breath on his lips. Just as he thought Mark was really going to lean in and kiss him, someone grabbed Mark's shirt and pulled him away with barely restrained force. Jaebum's eyes had an absolutely livid look in them, but he had put on a smile and laughed awkwardly so the fans wouldn't notice the glare he sent Mark when his back was to them, enough to make Jinyoung want to cower and making Mark laugh. When Jaebum turned back to him, he could see the burning possessiveness in the others eyes, and could see how much his boyfriend was restraining himself from grabbing Jinyoung right then and there and kissing him senseless. Jinyoung forced a laugh, although he really just wanted to tell Jaebum that he deserved it, and turned around to face Yugyeom, poitedly ignoring Jaebum's entire existence.
He knew he was in trouble as soon as they stepped backstage and were in the changing rooms, away from the managers outside. Jaebum was no longer trying to look amused at the whole thing, and looked like he was about to snap and punch someone. Grabbing Mark's collar, despite Jackson and Bambam's attempts to stop him, he pushed him against the wall.
"What the hell do you think you were doing out there, asshole? Not only is that potentially dangerous, that's my boyfriend you almost kissed! On the stage, for the whole world to see!" Mark didn't seem unraveled in the bit, looking almost amused as he crossed his arms and watched Jinyoung grab the leaders arm and plead for him to stop.
"What the hell did you think you were doing when you told the entire world that you belonged to Youngjae, on a show broadcasted to the entire world, asshole?" At his words, the other froze, grip loosening enough for the oldest to slip away and rub at his collar. "I didn't see Jinyoung go over and attack Youngjae for making the entire world believe he's in a relationship with you. What gives you the right to attack me?" Jinyoung pulled away suddenly, eyeing the two of them carefully, like he felt like either one of them may snap at any moment. Youngjae looked suddenly remorseful and shrank back into Yugyeom, who looked only mildly surprised and more scared at the outcome of everything. Jaebum looked like he couldn't decide if he felt guilty or angry, still glowering at Mark as he stood there, still as stone. "Listen, that was..."
"Rude. Fucking stupid. An asshole move. Any of those would work in that sentence." Jaebum suddenly moved forward, growling as he brought up a fist to punch the older, but Mark was faster, dodging away and waiting until Jaebum was steady again to punch him in the jaw, hard. Not hard enough to do much damage, but enough to get the point across. He then pushed him backwards, towards Jinyoung, who grabbed his shoulders and looked helplessly at the other.
"Keep him before I lose my cool. I'm leaving." Turning on his heel, he stormed out, Jackson and Bambam following close behind. Youngjae looked like he wanted to say something, but Jinyoung shooed them out of the room, wanting to get everyone out before Jaebum had enough time to get angry again. Yugyeom had barely made it through the door when Jaebum sank back into Jinyoungs arm and sent them both tumbling to the floor. Jinyoung yelped as he fell, then winced as he felt pain shoot through his body when his tailbone made contact with the floor, made worse by the weight of Jaebum on top of him.
"Um, hyung?" Tentatively, he sat up, bringing Jaebum up with him. He didn't want to make the older any more angry than he already was. Sure, Jinyoung was one of the only ones able to calm him down, but he'd had his share of pain from stopping the other, and he wasn't sue if he could deal with that when he already wanted to cry.
Jaebum kept his head in his hands, refusing to look up as his body sagged into Jinyoung's, his back pressed against the side younger's chest and arm. After a moment, Jinyoung brought up his hands and gently brought Jaebum's away from his face. It was... Different, seeing a look of pure guilt on his boyfriend's face. Guilt, anger, hurt, all at the same time. Jinyoung sucked in a breath as he touched the faint bruise forming on Jaebum's jaw, wondering how they'd get around this one. "Hyung..."
"God, I don't deserve you. I deserved that fucking punch, I deserve for you to leave me for Mark, I deserve for you to punch me, but here you are, taking care of me." Jaebum groaned and shook his head, then shifted and leaned forward so that his forehead was resting on Jinyoung's chest. The younger was too shocked to say anything. Of all the things he'd expected, he hadn't expected this, not at all. "Why are you even still with me?" Jinyoung flinched at the rawness of the question. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and let his head fall forward a bit.
"Don't ask me that." His voice broke as he spoke, and he took a moment to steady himself before continuing. "It's such a stupid question, hyung. I'm still with you because I love you. Sure, you have flaws and," He cleared his throat, "Sometimes you make me want to cry or punch you, but we're still trying to figure this out. I know we'll get there eventually, and that's why I'm still with you." He felt tears on his neck, hot and wet, and he shivered, then wrapped an arm tighter around the man currently in his arms.
"When you say that, it makes me feel even worse." Jaebum's arms came up to wrap around him tightly, possessively, desperately. "I'm so stupid, Jinyoung. I'm sorry I put you through that, I... I guess I wasn't thinking, it was... I said it because I thought it would be funny, I didn't... I didn't even think about how it would hurt you." There was a side of Jinyoung that liked hearing him so broken as he apologized, felt like the other deserved it for what he'd put him through, but he shoved that side of him away. But seeing this side of Jaebum that he almost never got to see made him a bit braver.
"It's... It's not just that, hyung. You don't pay attention to me anymore. Unless I do something with Mark, you seem to... Forget I'm there." He bit down on his lip, eyes down as he tried to keep his own tears at bay. "It seems like because now you have the others you don't have time for me. I feel like you only paid attention to me because I was the only one there for you to dote on." Jaebum sat up, quickly wiping at his face to chase away the tears. He looked shocked, and almost disbelieving.
"Hell no, that's not the only reason I paid attention to you! I paid attention to you because you were cute, and talented, and fun, and I just loved everything about you," A blush spread across his face as he talked, "and I'm sorry I don't pay attention to you as much anymore, I don't mean to, I swear. Sometimes the kids need attention and I feel like it's my duty as a leader and I forget that I'm neglecting you," He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. "This was so much easier when it was just the two of us... Now that there's seven, everything seems more complicated. I'm so sorry, I'm not good enough-"
"Stop telling yourself you're not good enough!" Jinyoung snapped, glaring at him through teary eyes. "I'm so tired of hearing you say that! Do you think I'm any better? I used Mark to make you feel jealous! I caused a fight! I'm selfish and I want you all to myself, and sometimes I don't care about the other guys and what they need! I'm not good enough either, not in the slightest, but that doesn't mean I'm going to beat myself up over it and not try to get better! This is part of who we are, okay? We'll work together to help each other out, but if you keep pushing me away and saying you're not good enough, it'll never work!" Jaebum looked surprised at his outburst, staring at him with his mouth slightly open. Furiously, Jinyoung scrubbed the tears off his face with his palm trying to get himself together.
"So you'll give me another chance?" Jinyoung leaned forward with a sigh, resting his forehead against Jaebum's.
"Do you even have to ask, Jaebum? When have I ever not given you another chance? I love you, as stupid as you are." Jaebum let out a laugh then, relieved, Jinyoung thought.
"I really don't deserve you, you know? I love you too. Damn, I love you more than you know."
"Show it more, and then maybe you wont have to say I don't know."
"I plan on it, trust me this time. I'm going to do my best to show you." Jinyoung felt the smile spreading across his face before he could stop it, and it felt good.
"Good." Jaebum's lips pressed against his as soon as he got the word out, fitting there like they were made to kiss him. They probably were, he thought vaguely at the back of his mind as he closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, tilting his head the slightest bit. This was what he wanted, he decided as Jaebum kissed him slowly, like an apology. He made a mental note to thank Mark later as he brought up his hands to tangle into Jaebum's once-styled hair. Of course, that would be after he got some ice for the forming bruise on Jaebum's jaw and got them to start talking to each other again without any tension. He would be worried about that, but if he knew anything about the two of them, and he did, Jaebum would be so sated from the kiss he couldn't be mad anymore and Jackson probably already had Mark laughing again, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Anyways, he thought as Jaebum's hand slid under his shirt and he giggled against the older's lips, the Jealousy Project had been a success. He should have done this earlier.