Chapter Text
Ghilani took a deep breath as the door closed behind her. Alone, finally. The feast had been enjoyable enough, and Creators knows it had been deserved, after everything they had accomplished that day. But it had also been long. And loud. Very loud. Though she was not physically wounded, at least not seriously, the final battle had worn her out. Josephine had sent her a disapproving look as she slipped away, but Ghilani knew they would not follow her in here. Not tonight, anyway. After more than three years of fighting she had earned some time to herself. Leaving the noise behind her, she walked slowly up the stairs to her chambers. It felt like slipping off a heavy blanket, as if she got lighter for every step she climbed. Finally making it to the top, she glanced over at the massive bed, halfway wanting to just collapse and let this day be over, but she knew she would never be able to sleep now. Instead she stepped though the open doors to the closest of the two balconies.
She had always loved the view from up here. Staring out across the snowy mountains, the world seemed so peaceful. From here she couldn’t see the scar in the sky, where the last breach had been. The world from here looked as if none of all this mess had ever happened. It was a pleasant thought.
Being alone was comfortable after the loud celebratory feast, and she would have enjoyed the silence if it wasn’t for the stabbing feeling in her heart. He was gone, without any explanation. Without the answers he had promised he would give when Corypheus was defeated. The ones she wanted now more than ever. With a sigh she leaned forward, resting her arms against the railing.
She had refused to believe it at first, everything had been so confusing and strange after her spirit blade finally knocked the ancient bastard to the ground. It had taken her a few moments before she had even noticed that he was missing. She had been so exhausted, after putting all the rest of her energy into the last minutes of the fight, and the visions that had blurred before her eyes as she fell, it had taken her several minutes before she even managed to get back on her feet. And then she had been surrounded by the others, everyone cheering and embracing each other. She had looked for him as soon as she got up, but by then he had gone. At first she just expected him to have gone ahead back, he had never been one for loud cheering. She expected to see him at the feast, but as the hours ticked by, and he was still absent, the realisation hit her like a lightning bolt.
Leliana said she would send out agents to look for him, but somehow Ghilani knew the would find nothing. If he did not want to be found… The tears she had been holding back all night finally won over her stubborness, and a quiet sob forced its way out of her. By all rights, he should have been right her, next to her on the balcony, shoulders slightly touching. As they had done so many times before.
Alone at last, she had the time to process the visions she had had at the end of the battle. It happened so quickly that she barely caught it. The voices from the Well had blared up as she let her guard down, mixed with the intense feeling of relief as it was all over. Mixed with the thoughts of the one person she needed most to see. The voices had reacted to those thoughts specifically. Only the voices had called him by a different name. She recalled it now, leaning against the same railing she had held on to when he first confessed his love. Ar lath ma vhenan. Even now, she could hear his voice as clearly as if he really was standing beside her. But those voices. That name, one she knew so well. The more she thought about it the more it made sense. So many things about him that had never seemed to fit. Why the sentinels at the temple had recognized him as one of their kind, but not her. All his knowledge, how he told her there were so many things the Dalish had wrong. Was this how he knew? The voices would know, wouldn’t they? Being the servants of Mythal, surely they would know him as well?
She sank down on the floor, too tired to remain on her feet. Whatever the voices knew or didn’t know, it felt true. As if she had somehow known all along. Maybe this was why she had been so drawn to him from the start. Her friend of old. The only one of the elven pantheon she had ever prayed to. Her heart sank as she realized that this secret was probably why he had left her. This was the answer he was going to tell her after the battle. Only he had never planned to do so after all. Another lie. Fenedhis, why did he have to be so stubborn? This was why he always pulled away, but if he had only told her…
The weeks that followed went by in a blur. Ghilani slept as much as she could, blaming it on the exhaustion. In her dreams she kept revisiting her memories of him. Every conversaition they had had, searching for clues to confirm what she already knew in her heart. They were there, though subtle. How he sometimes slipped and said we instead of they. They way something in his eyes had made her wonder if these were his own memories rather than something he had merely witnessed in the Fade. His behaviour when they visited the temple. It all added up. Still, she could not keep herself from seeking out Leliana every day, desperate for some news, struggling to stop herself from hoping. Each time aching as Leliana shook her head.
She stared at the orb for hours. She had retrieved it from the temple the day after the battle, taking in back to her quarters. It had been sitting on her desk for weeks now. Dagna had been by to examine it several times, but they still hardly knew anything about it. Solas had said that it was elven. That it was a foci, used by the ancient elves, to channel the gods’s power. He had said that some were dedicated to specific members of the pantheon. Was that why getting it back was so important to him? Was the orb his? In that case, how did Corypheus come to possess it? She stared at the broken pieces of the orb every day, and she still couldn’t make sense of it.
Finally she had to let it go. It had been months, and there was still no sign of him anywhere. The damn orb remained just as much a mystery. She stayed out on the balcony all night, after telling Leliana to call off the search, not even noticing the time passing until the sun started rising and reminded her. Moaning slightly, she got to her feet. She was so exhausted as she stumbled towards the bed that she heard nothing when the intruder approached her. All she saw was a bright green light, and then everything fell apart.