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"Damn it, Cas!"
Cas lets out a hiss as Dean methodologically cleans the scrapes on his knuckles.
"What the hell was that?"
"Dean, I have been in more battles than the entirety of your race. The Heavenly War, alone, lasted eons due to time dilation."
"You," Dean says as he throws away the rag he was using to clean up Cas, "don't even know how to kick open a door without injuring yourself-"
"That was one-"
"Shhhh! -without injuring yourself and you expect me to believe you can handle starting a fight?"
"As evidenced by recent events, I can 'throw a punch' without injuring myself in the process. I knew what I was doing"
The moment he let the last sentence out, he could practically hear Dean's patience snap
"That's all fine and dandy, Cas. But the fact of the matter is," Dean grits out as he wraps the bandage around Cas' fist a little too tightly, "even if you do have some angelic muscle memory from fighting the big fights upstairs that guarantees perfect fighting form? Without the holy part of holy tax accountant, you have the body of a paper pusher, so excuse me for not being too thrilled that you got yourself in a bar brawl."
"I had it under control. Would you rather that I had let those men harrass that girl?"
"NO!"
"Then, what was I suppo-"
"Wait for me! You should've waited for me! I was gone for ten minutes, Cas!"
"Dean, they were-"
"No, Cas, I left to pee for all of ten minutes and I come back to see you on the ground with the heel of a boot on your chest"
Dean had left for the men's room and came back to the sight of Cas on the floor surrounded by broken bar stools, unconscious bodies, broken glass and spilled booze. Some asshat was punching away at Cas, who was held up by the scruff of his collar.
"You couldn't have waited another five minutes or so before you started a fight?"
Cas was all but limp under the guy and Dean momentarily thought his bestfriend was gone.
"God, Cas, you're not fucking Superman anymore! I thought you were dead!"
Dean yelled profanities at the asshat while making his way to the other side of the room. His ears were ringing, his blood pounding and his vision was swimming in red. He was going to beat the ever loving shit out of the guy.
"Which was the point. I was trying to make it look like I was knocked out because I was reaching for a bottle of beer. I had it under control."
True enough, the moment the asshat took his eyes off of Cas, a beer bottle collided with the side of said asshat's face with all the force of a small car crash. Beer and blood gushed out. The guy toppled over with a groan as Cas tried to get the broken glass that showered over his person off. It was then that Dean got the full story of what the hell had happened when the bar owner and his niece approached them. A group of miscreant bikers were harrassing the girl and Cas came to the rescue when the bikers started getting physical with the bar owner, who had tried kicking them out. All this in the span of not more than ten minutes. And he thought Sammy had been bad when the kid lost some voodoo rabbit's foot from a case they worked on a couple of years back. Dean rubbed his face, pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. Oy vey!
"Listen, Cas," he said with all the patience he didn't have, "my point is, you're not trained to fight as human so getting into any kind of fight at all is a bad idea, and even people with training usually have some form of backup when shit hits the fan. They could've been carrying guns or knives and you'd be lying dead somewhere in a ditch by now"
"I know, Dean, and I am sorry for not waiting. I will ask for backup next time"
"Great."
Dean had half a mind to ask if next time meant Cas planned on making a habit of starting brawls and had the other half weighing the merits of going out to buy whiskey at this late hour. He decides against both in favor of some shuteye.
He's never going to admit it, specially since it might reinforce tonight's episode of stupidity, but Cas was pretty badass for being able to take on four guys single handedly.
"Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"I'd like you to teach me how to fight and take care of my vessel."
"We'll talk about it tomorrow."
"Thank you, Dean."
Fun fact: In reality, breaking an empty beer bottle over someone's head is just a little over 20g's but hitting someone in the head with a beer bottle still filled with beer can reach up to 30g's (which is nearly half the average g force of a car crash). While not as awesome as having the force of an actual car crash, Cas hitting the mook with nearly 30g's would be enough to smash the mook's skull
To a friend of mine who I told I would post a short fic, Sandrene09, "Cornerstone" turned into a serious fic and it's obviously not done.