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"Alright, Ma, I'll talk to you later," Jerry says. "Nothing. I'm watching... uh... Steven Universe on Cartoon Network. I like kids' shows," he stammers. "They have an innocent, wholesome quality. Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye." With much relief, he hangs up and directs his attention to the TV. "Cry for Help". Excellent episode. Perfect way to stay master of his domain.
"Garnet's eyes widened as she shoved Pearl to the wall," Kramer says while looking at his phone. "She'd assumed brazen aggression would make her scared or worse, angry. That was not the case here. Pearl looked ravenous, staring at Garnet with the lust she'd given Rose Quartz long ago." Jerry quietly scoffs. As if B-grade smut is going to sway him! He's got far more composure than Pearl!
"She pulled Garnet close with equal aggression and locked lips like they were dueling swords." Just like that, Jerry's attention diverts. Garnet and Pearl's TV fighting diminishes into white noise, overtaken by the fanfiction Kramer's reading like he's Steven Fry on a Harry Potter audiobook. "Her kiss was fiery and drenched with need. Not Pearl-like behaviour, but that aroused Garnet more. To see Pearl so bold, so out of step with their stifling caste system made Sapphire flustered and Ruby incredibly horny. They both agreed the mission could wait—they needed release NOW."
Damn, this is hot! Jerry thinks. Hold on... contest. And when did Gems get horny? They're supposed to be— "Gems are sexless! This author is outta their mind! Do you not find the nudist more enticing?"
Kramer smiles gleefully. "These hot women are getting naked too." He resumes reading and yep, Pearl is pulling off Garnet's jumpsuit whatever. Jerry feels as peturbed as Sapphire... but he has to hold on for the money. To prove a point to George and Elaine. No, for the money. Maybe both? The way Pearl's gyrating on Garnet, like a practiced stripper, it's more like she deserves the money...
"We are the Crystal Gems," Jerry sings to clamp his lizard brain. "We'll always save the day. And if you think we can't, we'll always find a way..."
"We are the Horny Gems," Kramer sings. "We always fuck around. And if you think we can't, we'll shove you to the ground..."
Jerry massages his face and groans and hopes George is hot and bothered by Amphibia or something. Some strange shit in childrens' shows...