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“Dude, why would you even suggest that?” Kyle groans, his head slamming into the library desk beneath him. The loose-leaf paper he had been writing his report notes on flutters down to the ground with a lackluster crinkle.
“I thought it’d be funny.” Is the only defense his super best friend can give. He reaches down to place the notes back on the table, not that it matters when Kyle throws his arms up, effectively knocking the rest of their worksheets onto the floor.
“Funny?” The redhead scoffs. “Dude, he just moved here, and you’re trying to kill him!”
“Calm down, jew.” Cartman moans, tossing his own mechanical pencil down in frustration. “It’s not a big deal.”
“No-Not a big?!?” Kyle sputters, his eyes landing on his orange-clad compatriot. “Kenny, please tell me you get why this shit’s insane.”
“I agree with Stan, it’ll be pretty funny.” Kenny’s eyes don’t drift up from his own piece of paper. If one could look closely at it, you would see he’s hard at work, drawing his sixth pair of boobs with varying degrees of shading. “Besides, what’s the worst that can happen? The new kid gets a bloody nose and Tucker gets suspended for another fight?”
“I have five bucks on the new kid.” Cartman says with a smirk. “I heard he’s a black belt in jew-jitsu, so he’ll easily be able to cream that asshole.”
Stan chuckles. “Wouldn’t that be a sight?”
“Can you guys be serious for one second?” Kyle yells, a harsh shush causes him to sink back slightly into his chair. But he persists. “What if the new kid tells on you? We don’t know anything about him, he could easily rat you out to the teachers or Craig himself. You remember the last time Craig fought you.”
“It was a tie.” Stan scoffs.
“Craig got out of the ER in two days, it took you five.” Kenny ads unremorsefully, starting a new drawing, a photorealistic dick.
Stan scoffs while Cartman stifles a small chuckle. Kyle sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. These guys just don’t understand how deep of shit this could all turn out to be, but he’s done all he can do. He sighs once more, opening his book on the early pioneers and looking around for his fallen worksheet.
Suddenly, the doors to the library burst open, and a familiar figure sprints towards their table. Stan’s the first one to look up and see frantic Butters, huffing and wheezing as he finally approaches their table. “What do you want, Butters?”
“Fellas!” The blond haired boy basically screams, making the four flinch, and the librarian harshly shush him. Butters clasps his hands over his mouth, looking around before turning his attention back to the people in front of him. He harshly whispers to them. “ Fellas! ”
“What, Butters?” Kyle asks, clearly annoyed already at the distraction.
Now that he’s thoroughly got the four’s attention he leans in towards the table. “Y’all know we have a new student, right?” They all nod along lazily, quickly growing tired of the blond’s presence. “Well, he challenged Craig Tucker to a fight!”
“We know, get on with it, Butters.” Cartman snaps. Butters nods fervently.
“Well, at first Craig said ‘no’ and tried to walk away, but then the new guy just started spewin’ some real venom. Craig didn’t seem affected until he said some shit about Clyde and Tolkien, then he said something about Tweek and Craig all but pounced on the son of a gun. Not that I blame him, those were some nasty words.
“Anyways, they were tossin’ and tumbling in the hall, and I happened to be walking by. All of the sudden, the new kid somehow manages to push Craig down and stomp on his head real hard. Oh, we all went quiet, it was ghastly. I mean, I haven’t seen so much…” Butters is interrupted by the library doors opening quickly once more.
All of the sudden the new kid is standing at the table, a triumphant smirk on his face. He looks a little disheveled, a small bruise is forming on the side of his chin, but he has an air of cockiness that feels suffocating to the others. The four sitting at the table share shocked glances as the new kid places his hands on his hips, almost posing.
“I did it, I took out the meanest kid like you said I should.” His voice has an unwavering pride. “He was pissing me off anyways, looking at me like I was nothing all day. So, how about it? Can I join your gang?”
Stunned into silence, Cartman slowly reaches an open palm into the middle of the table. All five pairs of eyes stay locked onto the new kid while Kenny slowly reaches for his wallet to pull out a five dollar bill. Kyle tries to speak, but can’t find the words. How could this unassuming newbie beat up the most violent kid in class?
“You were pretty s-scary up there, fella.” Butters breaks the silence with an awkward chuckle. “I mean, it’s lucky Tolkien and Clyde were there to quickly take Craig to the nurses office, but you went a little extreme, didn’t ya?”
“Extreme? He wouldn’t be breathing if I went ‘extreme’.” The new kid laughs, but the sound only serves to chill the five boys' blood.
Stan’s eyes dart around, as if piecing together an invisible puzzle. “Wait, Clyde and Tolkien? Where’s Tweek? Shouldn’t he have stopped Craig?”
“Oh! Tweek had to run down to the art room because he forgot his thermos, he wasn’t there.” Butters says with a smile.
“He wasn’t there?” Kenny asks rhetorically, as if trying to process the information. “He didn’t see Craig get beaten up, nor did he see why he got beaten up?”
It's as if the other three draw the same conclusion at the same time, all drawing in an uneasy breath. Butters looks around, tilting his head to the side with slight confusion. “Yeah, I just said that?”
Cartman sucks air in through his teeth, clenching onto the bill and quickly pocketing it. He casts a pitiful expression towards the new kid. “Dude, I would start running, like, five minutes ago.”
“What?” The new kid scoffs.
“Nah, for real. You should try and lay low for a bit, maybe try to sneak out.” Kyle ads quickly. “We’ll grab you the homework sheets, just get out of here.”
“Are you…are you guys scared of that twitchy freak?” The new kid says with a dry chuckle. “What the fuck could that scrawny ass kid do to me? Craig’s like twice his size, and I took him down like a wet paper towel.”
“Dude, lower your voice.” Kenny almost hisses.
“I’m not scared.” The new kid responds. “You guys never answered my question, can I..?”
Bang .
The gang cringe at the loud sound, their bodies swiveling to the abused library doors once more. The air turns still as the small yet horribly imposing figure lurks in the door frame. The boys brace themselves for the imminent shit storm…but he doesn’t move. He just stands in the doorway, motionless. And no one has ever seen Tweek Tweak truly motionless. His icy blue eyes almost glow from the shadows overcasting his face, his hair is backlit by the hallway fluorescent lights to almost look as though his head is ablaze with golden fire. The five don’t even have to speak, their hands instantly pointing out the guilty party that the grim reaper has personally come to take.
He doesn’t run, just a slow march towards the small group. With every step the room gets five degrees colder. Kyle and Stan move first, shoving all their shit into their backpacks, while Kenny, Butters and Cartman can’t bring themselves to look away from the fair haired demon.
Then, the new kid has the audacity to chuckle. Kenny is thankful he knows a wonderful coroner near Denver who does cremations for cheap. Kyle bites his lips as he tries to think of the best way to defend his friends in the court of law for involuntary manslaughter charges. Stan is quickly pulling a scared stiff Butters as far to the side as he can, while Cartman is fumbling to try and get his smartphone out to record the beat down of the century. If only his hands would stop shaking enough to get a decent shot.
Tweek stops directly in front of the new kid, his eyes unblinking and rage palpable in the air. No one even dares to breathe, nor can even attempt with the suffocating tension. “Was it you?” His voice is so clear and crisp that even Stan goes weak at the knees, collapsing backwards onto a nearby shelf with Butters in tow.
The new kid sneers into Tweek’s face. “What, come to avenge your little pussy ass ‘boyfriend’?” Everyone else in the immediate vicinity takes a large step back in sync, a move the new kid doesn’t seem to notice. “How romantic. A real prince, ready to sa…”
He can’t finish the sentence as Tweek stomps on his foot, making the boy lean down in shock. Once he’s low enough, Tweek takes his hand and expertly weaves it through the kids hair, firmly grasping it at the roots. Without a word he turns and begins to walk out of the library, dragging the new kid. The boy screams and tries to struggle, but Tweek expertly counteracts each sudden jerk with a flick of his wrist, making the kids scream out louder.
Some eyes wander towards the librarian, but she sits still, idly reading a book with her airpods in. They would have to be at max volume to not hear the anguished cries of the child. OR maybe it’s the fact that Tweek volunteers to re-shelve books once a week and always makes sure the librarians personal stash of coffee never dwindles that has her blissfully ignorant to the situation.
Silently the crowd follows the being of rage incarnate. He walks down the halls, parting whatever crowds like the red sea. When he gets close enough, he slams the kid's face into the brick wall and continues to walk, scraping it with force and scratching the hell out of his face. No one even dares to get in his way as he quickly approaches the doors to the back parking lot. Helpfully, two third graders rush in front of Tweek to open the doors for him.
Tweek breaks for a moment to offer them a sweet smile, before his face returns to an eerie still. The five boys lead the ever growing crowd of spectators into the parking lot, encircling the blond once he’s decided he’s gone far enough. Before anyone can think, Tweek throw the boy to the ground, only to stomp his back with a sickening thud. The crowd recoils, anxiously waiting for his next move, but he once more goes scarily still, glaring daggers at the kid.
The new kid sputters and groans, making his way back to his feet. He looks worse for wear, several deep scratches on his face, with a small stream of blood dripping from his scalp. He no longer has that cockiness, but a deep terror present in his eyes. Tweek doesn’t blink, just staring him down with the most chilling glare anyone in the crowd has ever had the displeasure of seeing.
“L…look, I get it…I fucked up…I-I’m sorry.” The new kid tries to plead. This seems to only spark something in Tweek, who takes one step closer, making the boy flinch hard. “I pr-promise, I won’t try and h-hurt him again. I j-just was told to f-f-ight him.” Another step. “Stop! I’m sorry, I yield! Stop!” Another step. “What do you want from me?!?”
“You wanted a fight.” Tweek’s voice is calm and cold, making the new kid shutter. “So I’m here to give you one.”
“I don’t want to fight!” He tries to back out of the circle, but the ever entertainment starved children forcefully shove him back into the center, landing him on his knees in front of Tweek. The blond boy squats, leveling their eyes so he can stare almost directly into the new boy's soul.
“I wasn’t giving you a choice.” Tweek leans in closer, his mouth barely an inch away from the boy's ear. “Now get up.”
The boy knows he’s trapped, with no chance for escape. His eyes glimmer with tears as he looks into the deathly serious gaze of the blond. He weeps as he stands, reluctantly holding up his fists. He tries to corner his resolve, but he can’t seem to gain any sense of hope. Tweek rises as well, standing still as he waits for the new kid to make the first move. With a sob the boy swings with all his fight forwards.
Tweek is almost too fast in his counter, easily dodging the fist and stepping forwards to squarely hit the boy in the stomach. The new kid starts to buckle, but Tweek firmly squeezes his shoulder and rights him. The boy mutters more pleas, but Tweek only shakes his head. The boy cries as he huffs in and out, raising his fists to throw another punch. Tweek deftly moves to the side, the momentum to the swing sending the kid into the asphalt. Tweek clicks his tongue with disdain, reeling back and hammering his army boot into the boys side. There’s a noise that no one dare to try and describe followed by wailing.
Tweek squats down in front of the boy, yanking his hair up so they’re forced to look eye to eye. The new kid can barely see him through the tears clouding his vision. Tweek takes a slow breath. “When you get better, I am going to come for you again, and when you get better after than, I’ll shatter your collar bone and use it as artificial creamer in my sunset blend.”
The new kid tries to speak, but Tweek forcefully pinches his lips shut. “I am showing you mercy now, but you won’t be so lucky next time. If I even see you breathe in my general direction, I will take that as a sign you’re ready for our next round. Got it?” The new kid weakly nods. “Good.”
Tweek throws his head into the ground with a crack, and the boy goes motionless. His gaze is cast towards the crowd, who all flinch. With a half smirk, Tweek places his hand to his chest, letting out a loud and dramatic gasp. “GAH! WHAT HAPPENED?” He asks. There’s a beat of silence.
Butters, ever the naïve, is the first to speak up. “Y-you beat up…” he’s silenced with an icy glare from Tweek. “I-I mean, the new kid f-fell! He fell down some stairs!”
“I saw him trip over a mechanical pencil, straight down two flights of concrete stairs.” Kenny quickly adds, a coy smile playing on his lips. He walks over and tosses a new pencil he swiped from Cartman earlier next to the unconscious body.
“No, I’m pretty sure it was a used napkin.” Bebe quickly ads from the sidelines, an impressed smirk growing on her face. “He didn’t see it because he was on his phone.”
“Too bad he fell during the passing period, he got trampled on by all those students.” Red ads as she types away on her phones. “No one saw him till after it ended.”
“He tried to leave early.” Stan adds with a start. “But fucking Crabtree hit him with her bus and the goths found him.”
All eyes fall on the four goths hanging to the side. They seem undisturbed. Henrietta takes a long drag of her cigarette before a smirk finds its way to her face. “We had to finish our jam sesh before we would even try to help a normie.” Tweek smiles, looking down at the heap of a person in front of him.
“T-too bad I was ngh too busy nursing my ACK poor boyfriend back to h-health in the nurse's office! I would’ve loved to see that!” Tweek says with a sly grin. “Ngh-now, let’s wait tenish minutes before you all drag him inside. I need to go make sure Craig’s ngh-alright.”
With the silent agreement between everyone, Tweek walks inside without interruption. Now everyone knows the story. Red and Nichole have already taken to posting the rumor on the school board. If the threat of Tweek wasn’t enough, this kid's social life is over before it even had a chance to begin. But that’s what happens when you mess with the beloved gay bff of nearly all the popular girls in south park.
As they all file in, only Stan’s gang is left to look after the unconscious body of the new kid. Kyle let out an exasperated sigh. “Told you so.”
“Shut up, Kyle.”