Chapter Text
Hinata took a deep breath. He knew what he was doing was horrific. He knew it was going to mess a lot of stuff up. He knew. But yet, here he
was, stood at his bedroom window with cigarette and lighter in hand.
He was only in his 3rd year of junior high, this should not be happening. Hinata had lately been mentally losing himself after the match against
Kitagawa. He was overrun my shaking and sobbing even at the thought of the match. He felt as though he had been reduced to nothing after that match. He needed something to
keep him rooted. Something. Literally anything. Something to just consume him.
He fiddled with the small stick in his hands. It was quite a nice day honestly, so having the window open wouldn't be any issue. He could do it. He could light this and then maybe his troubles would fade away or maybe they would increase. Honestly Hinata had no idea. But it was almost worth the shot.
With near haste Hinata lit the lighter. He looked at the flame. The blues fading into the yellows that faded into the orange that faded into red at
the tip. He lifted his thumb away from the button and the flame went out.
He immediately walked to his bedside and yanked open a drawer and shoved the lighter and cigarettes into the drawer. He pulled away clothes
so he knew no one would ever find out that he ever did this.
~~~~~
Hinata stood by the window. Smoke falling from his lips, cigarette in between fingers, and lighter on the window sill. He brought the cigarette to
his lips again and took a long drag. He held it in for a while and then blew the smoke out the open window that was letting cold air in.
Hinata looked at the time. He had been getting up before his parents to have a cigarette every morning all school year. He could have had it on
the way to school. But smoking, riding a bike, and making sure no one saw was a hardship. He reached over the window sill and out the window and under the sill and stubbed out
the cigarette where no one would see unless they looked for it. He put the half smoked cigarette under the window and closed it. He took his lighter and put it into his school bag.
He grabbed his school bag, throwing it over his shoulder.
He opened his door, walked out, closed it, and crept through the quiet house. He went to the front door, checking his bag for his keys. He
closed the door and made sure it was locked. He grabbed his bike from the side of the house and started the journey over the mountains to school.
~~~~~
Hinata sat idly on the bench, ridden with frequent coughs. He knew he was getting sick, but had chosen to come to school anyway. He couldn't
miss any more practice this year. He had already skipped a lot of practices cause of illness. Hinata coughed once again.
"Oi, are you alright? You've been getting sick every week it seems," Kageyama said walking over to where Hinata was sat.
"Fine, just tired," Hinata replied resting his hand on his knees and putting his face in his hands. He could tell the cigarettes were seriously
taking a toll on his health. But he didn't really have any thing else to keep him from going back to what he was. He was getting better. He was, really. He had cut down from every
morning to every few days and stopped smoking at night entirely. But it had been ages since he had started smoking. It was middle of his 2nd high school year and he hadn't had
one in a few days.
Obviously he couldn't right now though, it was the middle of practice and even though he did have his pack of cigarettes with him there was no
way he would excuse himself. There was no excuse. Plus it was snowing and it was cold. Biking to school that morning had been hell. Like a frozen over, snowy, and cold hell.
Hinata took another deep breath and lifted his head from his hands. He looked out over his team who were playing a 6-6 match with most of
the new 1st years.
Kageyama sat down next to Hinata.
"I don't believe you," Kageyama said, eyeing Hinata.
"No really, i swear. Have you ever tried biking in the snow at 6am when its dark?" Hinata asked, still hunched over with his head on his hands.
"I'm just- Okay," Kageyama stopped himself.
"No no, you're just what Kageyama?" Hinata questioned, brows furrowed.
"Its nothing, really," Kageyama said looking out across the court.
"No its something i can tell."
"Just slightly concerned about you, dumbass," Kageyama said curtly.
"I- Oh," It was now Hinata who was cutting himself off.
"You know there's meant to be a snow storm coming?" Kageyama said looking out toward the door of the gym.
"Yeah, i heard," Hinata said looking at Kageyama.
"Are you gonna be able to get home okay?" Kageyama asked looking at Hinata.
"Probably not. Ill have to camp out in the club room for a few days," Hinata joked., coughing through his light laughter.
"No, for real though. Do you need a closer place to stay?" Kageyama asked.
"No no its fine," Hinata asked.
Kageyama and Hinata had gotten a lot closer over the past year. They had been over to each others houses a few times for study sessions.
Honestly, Hinata preferred Kageyama's house to his own. It was quieter and most of the time his parents were out on business leave so they were left to do what ever they wanted.
"No, its not. Its freezing. You're sick. And to add on to all that there's 6 inches of snow and ice on the ground," Kageyama said looking at Hinata
darkly.
"Really, ill be fine," Hinata said. Honestly he just wanted to get home to have a drag off a cigarette.
"Would you like to stay at my house tonight? Its only a few blocks away," Kageyama said looking out over the match that was currently being
held.
"Is it a question or a demand?" Hinata asked.
"Demand," Kageyama said quickly.
"Sure, i guess. I'll have to ring my parents and tell them when we get out of practice," Hinata replied.
Kageyama got up and walked over the to the score board and returned to flipping the numbers every time a team scored.
~~~~~
"See, aren't you glad you didn't ride you're bike home in this?" Kageyama commented as they walked home together.
It was currently snowing so hard to the point where they could barely see the end of the street.
"I guess," Hinata said.
He was still thinking about the cigarette's in his bag. He could just light up now. But with Kageyama there he would be pissed. He would
probably say something along the lines of that is was "going to ruin the best decoy ever" and that it was "going to kill him from the inside out."
They walked in silence until they reached Kageyama's house. Kageyama opened the door and the pair walked inside. They took off they're shoes
and coats that had been ridden with small clumps of snowflakes.
After getting off all the winter clothes Hinata walked into the kitchen in search of something to eat. He had known Kageyama's house pretty well
since he had been there a few times before.
"Oi, if you want we can order in something for food," Kageyama yelled from the living room, lowing his voice as he got into the
"Okay, I'm down with that," Hinata said, closing the cabinet after retrieving a jar of peanut butter. He Opened a drawer and grabbed a spoon.
"You are not about to eat that with a spoon," Kageyama commented.
"I'm not?" Hinata said, unscrewing the peanut butter and putting the spoon into the half full jar.
"Oh my god you are," Kageyama's eyes went slightly wider.
"Have you never eaten peanut butter with a spoon? You really haven't lived, have you??" Hinata asked, screwing his face slightly.
"No, cause that's gross, what the hell?" Kageyama said screwing his face to match Hinata's
"Oh, shit i gotta call my mum," Hinata says. "Do me a favor, go into the front pouch of my bag and get my phone. Please?" Hinata asks mouth
full of peanut butter.
"Whatever," Kageyama says walking out of the kitchen.
Hinata hops onto the counter, sitting down.
He suddenly remembers something.
The cigarettes.
Shit shit shit. They're in the same pocket as his phone.
"Hinata......" Kageyama's voice is beyond concerned.
"Yeah?" Hinata gulps. He better come up with a good excuse quick.
"What the fuck are these?" Kageyama says walking back into the kitchen with Hinata's phone in one hand and the pack of cigarettes in the other.
"I- fuc-. Fuck. Fuck. I can't even come up with a good excuse," Hinata says laughing, putting the peanut butter down next to him.
"That's why you always smell like smoke?" Kageyama looked so disappointed.
"I- I smell like smoke?" Hinata asked. He brought the front of his shirt to his nose. Smokey. Fuck.
"I just assumed it was your parents. I never thought- Hinata," Kageyama looks down at the cigarettes in his own hand.
"I just, i needed something to keep my grounded okay? There was no one. Nothing after the match with you. I literally gave up. I didnt know
what to do okay? You can not be mad at me. It was the only thing keeping me sane," Hinata spilled out, voice raising as he ended his spiel.
"I- I- Fuck Hinata. Why didn't you tell anyone? It's been 2 years and you still didn't tell anyone?" Kageyama looked back up at Hinata.
"I didn't want anyone to worry," Hinata commented.
"Hinata, everyone was worried. Is this why you've been sick also?" Kageyama's disappointment grew only larger.
"Probably," Hinata said. He looked down at his hands that were neatly folded in his lap.
"God dammit Hinata," Kageyama's voice broke.
Hinata looked up. Kageyama was looking down, hands down at his sides, and hunched over slightly.
"WHY DID YOU FUCKING TELL ME DAMMIT. I COULD HAVE HELPED YOU," Kageyama's sudden outburst scared Hinata slightly, making him back
up as much as he could while he was sat on the counter.
"I'm sorry, okay," Now Hinata voice was breaking. He felt his throat tighten and eyes start to well up.
He had no idea he would cause this much hurt to someone who had found out, let along Kageyama. Stone faced, cold, and dark Kageyama. Had
he really cared that much about Hinata? Had he really been that concerned?
"Hinata, you need to promise me you're going to stop. Not soon, not tomorrow, not later, but now." Kageyama said sniffling and wiping his
tears away from his face.
"Its not that easy you know," Hinata said, looking up to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill.
"No, its going to be that easy though," Kageyama said sternly.
"Okay," Hinata said, no fight left in him.
Kageyama walked over to the trash can.
"Oi, what the hell are you doing? That shit's expensive!" Hinata said, shocked.
"Okay, fine, every time you smoke, so do i," Kageyama said matter of factually.
"What the fuck Kageyama? I'm not letting you destroy you're life also," Hinata said hopping off the counter.
Kageyama immediately held the pack of cigarettes above his head.
"Kage-fucking-yama, i will fucking climb on this counter and grab those," Hinata said angrily.
Kageyama's foot stepped on the pedal to open the trash bin.
"Kageyama, don't fucking do it," Hinata swore.
His hand released the cigarettes, letting them land perfectly into the center of the bin. He released his foot form the pedal and walked around
Hinata, who's mouth was gaping open.
"And don't go digging through the trash for them," Kageyama said simply.
Hinata rounded the kitchen island and grabbed his peanut butter and spoon. Then he noticed something. He noticed it before, but never really
thought of it.
"Heeeeyy, Kageyama. Wanna do something fun?" Hinata spoke, mood doing a 180 from what it was.
"Yeah, like what?" Kageyama asked, turning around from walking into the living room.
"Have you ever played a drinking game?" Hinata asked, smirk coming up on his face.
~~~~~
"Fuck Hinata, this was a great idea!" Kageyama exclaimed as he threw himself back onto his bed, laughing hard at nothing.
"I know!" Hinata hiccuped.
"Okay, okay, okay, we should stop so we don't get sick in the morning," Hinata said, taking another swig from the large bottle of vodka.
They had drunken about a 1/4 of the bottle combined. Which honestly wasn't much. But since Hinata was tiny, Kageyama never drank and was a
lightweight, and it was 40% vodka they were pretty wasted.
"Man, I'm tired," Hinata said, yawning.
" We- We should tota- totally sleep," Kageyama said, still laying on his back feet hanging off the bed.
"Hinata, have i- Have i ever told you how- how fucking much i love you?" Kageyama said looking at Hinata who was still sat up laughing into the
air.
Hinata got up and turned out the light.
"Noooo," Hinata spoke, putting the bottle down on the bedside table and flopping back onto the bed next to Kageyama.
"Weelll, i looooove you," Kageyama said in a high pitched tone.
Hinata rolled over and looked at Kageyama who was looking back at him.
"I loooveee you too Kags," Hinata said, dragging out the love in it.
Kageyama moved over slightly and put his arm out.
"Come here," Kageyama said quietly.
Hinata scooted over and put his head onto Kageyama's shoulder. Hinata wrapped his arm around Kageyama's waist. Kageyama's hand found his
way to Hinata's and intertwined their fingers.
Hinata moved up slightly and looked up at Kageyama who was looking down at at him.
Kageyama took the moment to lean down slightly more and connect his own lips with Hinata's for a brief second.
"I loooovee yoouu," Kageyama said, voice higher than normal. He looked down at Hinata and kissed him again.
Kageyama kissed his forehead and rubbed the back of Hinata's hand with his thumb.
"I looveee youuu tooo," Hinata said, closing his eyes.
"Before- before you sleep, pro- promise me something," Kageyama's voice went serious, his thumb stopped rubbing Hinata's hand.
"What?" Hinata questioned, eyes closed.
"Promise me you won't smoke again. Like swear on my life," Kageyama said, voice dropping to a low murmur.
"I promise Kags. I promise on everything," Hinata said, suddenly much more sober than what he thought he was.
Kageyama continued rubbing the back of Hinata's hand. Soon the only sounds to be heard were the wind outside from the storm and the light
breathing from the intertwined boys.