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You Can Door Dash That?

Summary:

Dinner is ordered, Yoongi hooks up, chaos ensues.

Notes:

This madness is an utter work of fiction with no relation to reality or the real lives of real people. I own nothing except my phone and my brain. The cats own everything else.

This ENTIRE fic is based on a sentence in a conversation that stuck with me. Not gonna share the line, but if you know, you know.

All ages in this fic are based on JK being 16. You can math from there.

Kudos loved, comments worshipped.

Work Text:

Namjoon sat at the dining room table, his head in his hands. The rest of the group sat in their places in various emotional states. Jimin sat in Jin’s lap looking utterly and completely shellshocked. The oldest held a cup of herbal tea, helping the younger sip at the warm liquid. Jimin took a sip then leaned against Jin’s shoulder, trembling so hard his teeth were chattering. Tae and JK clung to Hobi, their eyes huge and looking a little afraid and a lot curious. Youngi sat next to Namjoon, his arms crossed defiantly and trying hard not to laugh.

“It’s not my place to tell you what you can and can’t do,” Namjoon began.

“You’re the leader,” Jin growled. “It is very much your place. Look at Jimin. He’s mentally damaged after seeing . . . that.”

“It was horrible,” Jimin whimpered, completely playing up for sympathy. “I can’t unsee that ever. So. Much. White. And it was all jiggly.”

“Happy?” Jin said, his eyes narrowed at the second oldest. “You broke the maknaes. Look at Tae and JK.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes and smirked at the oldest. “They’ll live. Anyway, what’s the rule about when my door is closed?”

“Be that as it may,” Jin began.

Namjoon waved his hand at the oldest boy. Jin grumbled and went back to helping Jimin drink his tea. Hobi cuddled the youngest two close to his body, murmuring to them softly to keep them from "helping". Namjoon turned back to Yoongi.

“Where’d she come from?” he finally asked.

“Door Dash,” Yoongi answered with a smirk.

“You can Door Dash . . . that?” JK asked incredulously.

Yoongi snorted. “No, goofball. She brought our order, remember? Lamb skewers and dumplings?”

“Yeah, but,” JK said, his brows knitted together. “She came back?”

“For a tip,” Yoongi said, laughing. “A big one.”

“That’s not what I saw,” Jimin moaned. “It was terrible.”

Jin gently nuzzled the younger boy’s head, trying to comfort him. They all watched the wheels turning in JK’s mind, Yoongi grinning broadly.

“You put tips on the order,” he finally said. “Like on your credit card. Did you forget to do that?”

Hobi stroked JK’s hair, gently pulling his head to rest on his shoulder. He happily snuggled against the older boy, grabbing Tae’s hand because it was there.

“Tell me again what happened?” Namjoon said.

Everyone started talking at once, making Namjoon rap his knuckles on the table. They fell silent. It was Yoongi who finally broke that silence.
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Yoongi answered the door when their dasher arrived with dinner. She was cute, rather nondescript but not terrible to look at. She had a great smile. He took the bags and handed them to Tae and JK who were howling about the fact they were starving. They disappeared into the kitchen while Yoongi signed the credit card receipt. He leaned against the door frame, flirting mercilessly with the dasher. She flirted back, clearly interested.

“You know,” Yoongi purred. “You have the address if you might want to come back and maybe watch a movie or something.”

“I get off at midnight,” she said.

“Come back and midnight will be the first time you get off this evening,” he murmured. “I’ll be up until one if you think you might want to hang out.”

She gave him a smile full of promises, made a note of the address, and went back to her car. Yoongi stayed in the doorway, watching her drive away. He closed the door softly and rested his head against it. He desperately needed to get laid. It was affecting his production skills. This might be the solution to his current problem.

He was settled on the couch, watching Netflix and congratulating himself for getting the others to go to bed early. At 12:15, he heard a light tapping on the door. He raced to it, pausing before opening it so as not to look like he was overly excited about her coming back. He opened the door, giving her a sexy smile.

“Hi,” he breathed.

“Hi,” she whispered. “So, I came back,”

“Come in,” he whispered, closing the door behind her. “We need to be quiet though. My housemates are asleep.”

She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He sighed happily, pulling her close as his tongue explored her mouth. She moaned softly, burying her fingers in his hair and pulling lightly. When they finally separated, she nuzzled his neck.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” he asked, panting softly.

“No,” she answered. “Let’s go to your room.”

Yoongi turned off the TV and led her up the stairs and to his room. He won big the last time they changed rooms and got a room to himself. He was doubly lucky in that he had Jin and JK on one side of him and Hobi and Tae on the other. Jimin stayed with Namjoon and the leader’s insomnia at the furthest point from the solo room – officially. In reality, there was a constant changing of beds. Jimin loved to be cuddled when he was asleep and Tae aggressively cuddled anyone who was unlucky enough to room with him. However, it was impossible for the two of them to live together as Jimin was a bit of a slob and had more clothes than a top-tier drag queen, most of which ended up all over Tae’s side of the room. Tae threatened to toss Jimin and his clothes out the window the last time they roomed together. Hobi was the only one who could bring Namjoon down when his anxiety was at its height and tame his insomnia so they slept together a lot. Jin made JK feel safe so they ended up together often, typically falling asleep while gaming and being the only ones honoring the room rotation except Yoongi.

Yoongi listened carefully as he passed closed doors and didn’t hear anything out of the ordinary coming from the other rooms. He quickly led his new friend to his room and quietly closed the door. Turning to face her, he grinned as she was lying on his bed, crooking a finger to motion him to her. He hurried to the bed, lying down next to her. It didn’t take long for their clothes to fall into a pile on the floor and business was gotten down to. They lost themselves to the feeling of each other’s bodies which is why they didn’t hear the door open.

“Yoongi, I think I left my blanket . . . Oh my God! What are you DOING?” Jimin yelped. “Who is that?”

“Get out!” Yoongi hissed, his hips stuttering as he was lost his rhythm due to the interruption.

Jimin raced out of the room, slamming the door closed, and into Jin’s room. The oldest was dozing in bed alone, a book open on his chest. The younger leapt into bed with him, burrowing under the blankets and shivering. Jin snorted softly as he awoke and blinked a few times at the quivering lump next to him. He put his book on his night table, peeked under the blanket, and smiled softly.

“Bad dream, Jiminie?” he murmured.

“It was horrible,” the younger whimpered. “Terrible. I can’t ever not think about it again. If I shut my eyes, I’ll see it and it was terrible.”

Jin pulled the younger boy to lie on him. He gently rubbed Jimin’s back, murmuring nonsense to him and trying to lull him to sleep. Jimin trembled and clung to the oldest, whining softly as he had worked himself into quite a state. Jin began to doze, lightly rubbing the other’s back.

Things seemed to be settled for a while until a scream, a female scream, echoed through the house. Jimin who had just dozed off, cried out, clinging tightly to Jin. Tae and JK shot up in Tae’s bed, grabbing each other and keening softly. Hobi leapt out of bed and grabbed a baseball bat from the corner of the room. Namjoon was hot on his heels, grabbing a baseball that was lying on the floor. They padded down the hall, worried that some crazy fangirl had broken in and surprised one of the younger members. They slipped into the room where Tae and JK were clinging to each other in Tae’s bed. Hobi crossed and touched each one’s face, letting them know wordlessly that everything was going to be okay. They followed their hyungs, holding on to the tail of Hobi’s shirt as they moved silently down the hallway. After checking on Jin and Jimin, they made their way to Yoongi’s room. The second oldest met them in the hallway, wearing only a pair of sweats and guiltily guarding his door.

“You okay?” Namjoon whispered.

“Um. Yeah,” Yoongi said quickly. “Why?”

“You didn’t hear that scream?” Tae asked. “Joonie thinks a fangirl broke in and is in the house somewhere."

Yoongi looked to their leader. Quirking one eyebrow, he asked, "What are you planning to do, Joon? Ball her to death?"

Namjoon let the baseball slip from his fingers with a frown. He growled, "Then come help us."

“Did you check the kitchen?” Yoongi asked. “Let me grab a shirt and I’ll help look.”

Yoongi opened the door a crack and with every intention of slipping in and keeping his secret from the others. He’d tell his new friend to make a quick get-away while he had the rest of his members in the kitchen looking for the invading fangirl. The girl in the room had other plans.

“Yoongi! You're a beast!” she announced as soon as the door was opened. “I need a pain pill for my vagina and an ink pen.”

“Who is that?” Namjoon growled as Yoongi leaned his head against the now open door.

“It’s a girl!” Hobi said, letting the bat slip out of the aggressive stance in which he formerly held it.

“I know it’s a girl,” Namjoon grumped. “Why is she here at one in the morning?”

“She’s naked!” JK yelped, hiding his eyes against Tae’s shoulder in embarrassment. “Why is she naked?”

“Why does she need an ink pen?” Tae asked.

“House meeting!” Namjoon announced. “Yoongi, see your . . . guest out then join us in the dining room. We need to have a conversation.”

Yoongi went back into his room and closed the door. Tae went into Jin’s room to call him and Jimin to the meeting. Jin helped Jimin up, ending up scooping the younger boy into his arms and carrying him to the table. Tae and JK settled on either side of Hobi, cuddling against the older boy, barely containing all the questions that were coming to their minds.
_______________________
“And that’s how it happened,” Yoongi said, grinning at Namjoon. “Geniuses need to relax, you know?”

“By breaking the babies?” Jin snarled. “What’s next? You going to hold up a bank when you get writer’s block?”

Yoongi let out a contented sigh. “Relax, Jinnie. Nothing bad happened. I'm happy, You're happy.”

“I’m not happy,” Jin said.

“J happy!” JK giggled while hugging Hobi tightly.

Namjoon shook his head and said, “Okay, I get that we are all young males that have . . . needs. However, this is our home and we just can’t have . . . people showing up.”

Yoongi made a face and sighed, knowing Namjoon was right. He leaned over to where Jimin was clinging to Jin. He ruffled the younger’s hair, murmuring softly to him. Jimin took Yoongi’s hand and squeezed, forgiving the older boy instantly. Yoongi got up and moved to where Hobi was cuddling the youngest two. He gently stroked Tae’s hair and settled next to Hobi, pulling JK into his lap.

“Hyungie,” the youngest purred, snuggling against Yoongi’s shoulder with a yawn. “Why’d that girl need a pen?”

Yoongi snorted a laugh. “She wanted me to sign her butt so she could get a tattoo tomorrow. Um. Today.”

Tae flung himself across Hobi, questions bubbling from him. "Did you sign Min Yoongi? Or just Suga? Did you write other stuff like 'love, Yoongi' or just your name? Did you do that thing where it looks like you fell asleep half way through signing or did you write it nicely? Is it hard writing on a butt? Did you remember the little star?"

Hobi put his hand over the second youngest's mouth. Tae frowned but tried to continue asking questions, albeit muffled, finally giving up in favor of Hobi cuddles.

JK shot up to sitting, wiggling in Yoongi's lap. "We ALL could have signed! Why didn't you tell us?! I could have drawn a bunny or something and Tae could have . . ."

"No," the hyungs said in unison making the youngest wilt into a pout against Yoongi's shoulder.

“That’s weird,” Jimin murmured. “Door Dash is so weird. And who would want Yoongi's name on their butt for, like, ever?"

Namjoon stood and clapped his hands. “Okay. Bed. We have to get up in a few hours.”

They made their way upstairs, mumbling their good nights and heading back to bed. Jimin clung to Jin, deciding that he liked all the coddling he was getting and was going to sleep with the oldest that night. JK and Tae dragged Yoongi into Tae’s room, cuddling the second oldest into submission between them. Namjoon collapsed onto his bed and pressed back against Hobi who was being the big spoon that night.

“Relax, Joonie,” Hobi purred, rubbing the other boy’s arm gently. “Everything is fine.”

“They’re going to be the death of me,” Namjoon mumbled. "I'm going to be grey by the time I'm thirty."

Hobi laid a kiss on the other boy’s head. “Nah. Just maybe we shouldn't do Door Dash for a bit, you think?”

“I fully agree,” Namjoon said, happily snuggling back against the other boy. “We’ll make Yoongi go get stuff for us. He can be our own personal dasher for a while. At least if we find him in the house at one AM it wouldn't be a surprise."