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The six of them went back to Namjoon’s place, no one wanting to be alone. That morning they were seven, now they were six. Leaving Jin at the training center was the hardest thing they had ever done. Dinner was quiet, everyone was lost in their own thoughts. After sitting together in the living room for a while, the younger members headed to the guest room, quietly closing the door behind them. Yoongi settled on the sofa while Hobi headed into Namjoon’s room. Though they were exhausted, no one was going to be able to fall sleep for a while.
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lay awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Jimin’s sniffling started again as he lay between Tae and JK, tears welling in his eyes. He drew a shuddering breath, trying not to upset the others. JK moved to hug the older boy while Tae snuggled against his back. Jimin broke, a heartbreaking sob ripping from his throat. He sobbed on JK’s shoulder, clinging to the youngest. Tae sniffled softly, nuzzling into Jimin’s neck, trying to comfort him.
“W-what do you think he’s d-doing right now?” Jimin whispered, his voice thick with tears.
“Probably getting ready for bed,” Tae murmured. “He has an early morning tomorrow. He’ll be fine, Jiminie.”
“I can’t sleep,” Jimin cried softly. “I can’t sleep without him here. I miss him.”
“We all do,” JK soothed. “We all do. But remember what he always said about the stars? We’re sleeping under the same stars no matter where we are.”
“I won’t be able to sleep,” Jimin keened. “I just can’t. I miss him so much.”
Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly
But I’ll miss your arms around me
I’d send a postcard to you dear
Cause I wish you were here
Namjoon pressed back against Hobi who held him close. They were quiet, neither feeling like there was anything they could say. Hobi felt the leader begin to tremble again, silent sobs wracking his body. Pulling him closer, Hobi tried holding him tighter to help him feel safe. He hummed softly, trying to help calm the other.
“Write to him tomorrow,” Hobi whispered. “Use some of that fancy paper you like and your favorite pen. He’d want you to get some sleep so you can take care of the babies tomorrow.”
“I wish he was here,” Namjoon murmured, his voice trembling. “It was always easy to fall asleep when he and I shared. Just having him close made me feel safe. I’d always wake up with his arm around me and it made me smile.”
I’ll watch the night turn light blue
But it’s not the same without you
Because it take two to whisper quietly
Yoongi sat in the kitchen, sipping some tea and looking out at the inky blue sky. He drew a shuddering breath, smiling softly when he thought about all the times he gazed at the stars with Jin. They would murmur about their day or a new song or get philosophical about how small they were while gazing at the vastness of the sky. Those whispered conversations were some of Yoongi’s most treasured memories. He knew that he could talk to any of his other brothers, but it wouldn’t be the same.
The silence isn’t so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.
Tae wove his fingers between JKs, resting their joined hands on Jimin’s hip. His tears fell silently, but the others could feel him trembling. JK sniffled loudly, trying to be strong for the other two.
“He . . . he would hold my hand when I had bad dreams,” Tae whispered.
“I’ll hold your hand, Tae,” the youngest answered, squeezing his hand. “Or Jimin would or any of our hyungs would.”
“It’s not the same,” Tae whimpered with a loud sniffle. “My fingers fit perfectly between his and he always made me feel safe. W-What is someone makes fun of his fingers? What if he’s cold and lonely and no one will talk to him?”
Jimin snuggled back against Tae, trying to comfort the other boy. JK moved closer, stroking Tae’s fingers with his own. Jimin slipped his hand into theirs, knowing JK was hanging on to his calm by a thread. After a few moments, he wiggled from between them and went to his backpack in the corner, hoping what he had in there would help the other two.
I’ll find repose in new way
Though I haven’t slept in two days
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
“Joonie,” Hobi purred. “You need to sleep.”
“I can’t,” Namjoon whined. He softly admitted, “This is day three.”
“Day three?” Hobi asked, rising up on one elbow to look over the leader’s shoulder. “Day three for what?”
“For not sleeping,” the other boy said, shame in his voice.
“What?” Hobi hissed. “Why didn’t you tell us? Joonie, you need to sleep.”
“Every time I close my eyes, I just think of him. I think of all the time we had together and how I wasted it. And how I got annoyed when I was reading and he’d come in and mess with me. I’d give anything to hear him stomping around the house and making noise.”
Hobi sighed softly. “Maybe some tea will help? Let’s go get some nice herbal tea then it’s to bed with you.”
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I’ll sit on the front porch all night
Waist deep in thought because when
I think of you, I don’t feel so alone.
Yoongi, Hobi, and Namjoon sat on the front porch, wrapped up in blankets and huddling over their tea. They each were deep in their own thoughts, but knowing they were thinking about the same thing. It was Yoongi that broke the silence.
“He saved my life,” Yoongi murmured. “He always said it wasn’t a big deal, but it was. I literally wouldn’t be here without him.”
Hobi smiled softly. “Remember how he always looked after whoever was sick? Soup and hovering over you until you fell asleep. Then when you woke up, he was right there.”
“You never had to guess how much he loved you,” Namjoon added.
“Loves,” Yoongi corrected. “He LOVES us. He’s still with us. He’s not de . . .”
“Do not say that!” Namjoon snapped. “Never say that word out loud. Promise me.”
“Joonie,” Yoongi purred. “It’s okay. But, for you, I won’t say that word out loud. I promise.”
Hobi gave them a tiny smile. “It’s nice talking about him. Kinda makes it feel like we’re not so far apart. Like he’s still here.”
I don’t feel so alone
I don’t feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I’ll think of you tonight
Jimin climbed back into bed between Tae and JK with a bundle in his arms. He wiggled his legs under the blanket and put the bundle in his lap. Tae and JK sat up, curious at what the other boy was doing.
“So,” Jimin began. “I was helping him pack and he had a ton of laundry he needed to do. So, I, uh, kinda took three of his workout t-shirts before he could put them in the washer. He got a new bottle of cologne so he gave me the old one. I . . . I thought maybe it would make it seem like he’s kinda closer. Like we can at least smell him.”
Tae took one of the shirts and buried his face in it, breathing deeply. JK did the same, the scent of his oldest hyung filling his nose. Tears quickly welled in his eyes and he fell into Jimin’s lap, sobbing brokenly as he clung to the shirt. Jimin leaned over him, laying little kisses on his cheeks and murmuring softly to him. Tae joined, stroking the youngest’s hair and kissing his forehead tenderly.
“Shhh,” Tae soothed, sniffling back his own tears. “Shh, bunny. It’s okay. We’re here. Hyungs have you.”
“Every tear that falls, every time I blink, I’ll think of him,” JK vowed seriously. “Until he comes home.”
“Baby,” Jimin purred. “He wants us to be happy. I know it’s hard and it’s going to be hard, but we need to be strong for him.”
“What about when the others leave?” JK whimpered. “What about when you two leave? I can’t . . . I can’t make it without you.”
“Then we’ll go together,” Tae told him seriously. “We just will. And our Jinnie will be home by then to help us when hyungs leave.”
A wail burst from JK, sobbing into Jimin’s lap. The other boy stroked his hair and tried to comfort their maknae. Tae pursed his lips and got the youngest to look at him.
“My gran said to never carry more than one kind of trouble at a time,” he told him. “Hyungs are in the other rooms, okay? Everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again
Hobi huddled against Namjoon, still sitting on the porch with him and Yoongi. He sighed softly before taking a deep breath to speak.
“I’m not going to the States for New Year’s Eve,” he said quietly.
“What?” Yoongi growled. “What are you talking about? Of course you’re going.”
“I can’t leave,” Hobi told them. “I have responsibilities here helping you two with the youngers. Anyway, it will feel weird. I . . . I’ll be looking for him.”
“You’re going,” Namjoon growled as well. “You’re going because he’d get mad if you missed this chance.”
“It won’t be the same,” he murmured.
“No,” Yoongi said gently. “It won’t but that’s okay. Think about how happy he will be to watch your performance. And we’ll be there with you.”
Namjoon yawned and shivered between the other boys. Hobi smiled to himself, pleased that the other boy might get some sleep. They headed inside, pausing when they heard crying coming from the guest room. They put their mugs in the sink, locked up, and headed upstairs to check on the youngest members.
And I’ll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won’t forget you.
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past
I’d whisper in your ear
“Oh darling, I wish you were here”
Slipping into the guest room, their hearts broke at seeing the three youngest clinging to each other and tears falling. They hurried to the bed, sitting with them, wiping tears and trying to comfort them. JK crawled into Yoongi’s lap, clinging to the second oldest like his life depended on it. Yoongi scooped him up, carrying the youngest down to the sofa where they would cuddle close all night. Namjoon picked Tae up, cradling the younger boy in his arms. Tae sniffled hard.
“W-Where are we going?” he sniffled.
“My room,” Namjoon answered.
“You hate sleeping with me because you don’t like me cuddling you,” he whimpered.
“I think I can stand it for tonight,” the leader said with a little smile. “Hobi will look after our Jiminie.”
After Namjoon and Tae left, Hobi settled in next to Jimin, pulling the younger boy close. Jimin sight softly, wrapping around the older boy. Hobi stroked his hair, humming softly to him. The younger boy yawned and rested his head on the older’s shoulder.
“I wish he was here,” Jimin whispered. “I bet he wishes he was here too. I. . . I don't like it because it's different now.”
“He’ll be home before you know it,” Hobi soothed. “And the important things are still the same. He loves us and we love him. I bet he’s thinking about us just as much as we are thinking about him.”
“I miss him, hyung,” Jimin said with a yawn.
Cuddling the younger boy close, Hobi placed a little kiss on the top of his head and said, “I do too. But we’ll be okay and so will he.”