Chapter Text
Are you the reason why your best friends are at odds?
Yes, you definitely are. Whether intentional or not.
Oh, how painful it can be...
But what kind of pain do you think I mean? A pain that you should feel in your chest, in your heart.
But instead it feels like dizziness and heart racing. I wonder if I actually deserve this. Yes, quite so.
"You're absent as usual..."
I turned to the blond-haired boy. It could be that I looked at him too sharply. But again, that was only unintentional. "(Name)! Please don't be mad...I didn't mean any harm after all. I'm very sorry...I..." Ah, he never changes. "Mika, I'm not mad at you. But it's true, I've been absent. I'm sorry." The boy seems to have calmed down and sheepishly scratched his left rosy cheek with an index finger. "I was beginning to think I'd been cheeky again." Oh, Mika. I don't think so, though. Honestly, I think he should stay the way he is.
"You are very direct and it could hurt others." I said and looked at him. His smile fell and he almost looked like he wanted to write me a thousand letters of apology. But before he was going to do that, I rather finished the sentence.
"And I wish I could be like you. Not everyone can have what you have. You're really lucky to have it."
"(N-Name)...!" Mika looked partially relieved and put a hand on his chest. "With you, I never know what you're going to say next." That might be true, because I might come across as calm. But actually, I'm not great with communication. It doesn't come easy to me.
"Hey Mika, want to go get a crêpe by that stall up ahead?" I pointed to a small pink booth which was decorated with cute dessert design. The white awning with pink stripes was not to be missed. When Mika looked toward the stall, his eyes sparkled. "I'd love to! So..if you want too." Otherwise, I wouldn't have asked at all. But he's overprotective, as usual. "Of course I want to. I'm in the mood for a crêpe." Before I could drag him there, he stopped motionless.
"Mika, what's wrong?"
"I can't come with you after all. I left my wallet at home!" He howled. "Ahh, sorry! Now I've made empty promises too..." Oh, that was his worry?
"Now don't get dramatic. I can buy you one, you're welcome."
"(Name), I can't let you do that."
"Well, we'll share one then. If you don't want to, it's your loss." I shrugged my shoulders and took out my Rilakkuma wallet. I made him an offer. No, in fact, he got two offers from me.
I went for a crêpe with cream filling and some strawberries. I thought it was special when they decorated little bunny sprinkles on my crêpe. It just looked cute. I looked at Mika. "You sure you don't want any?"
"Yes, absolutely sure."
Let's see.
"If you say so. Ahh, now look at these cute bunnies..."
"Say what you will..."
"The strawberries are quite fresh."
"I don't want to take anything away from you!"
"Mhh, it tastes really sweet. Too bad Mika can't have any of it...he's totally missing out." I think that knocked him out. Mika looked a wee bit conflicted. I knew he would be. He really wanted a crepe!
"Are you ignoring me!? Ahhg, fine! Uh..." He fell silent as soon as I put the sweet dessert in front of his mouth. He hesitated a tiny bit. "Don't you have a spoon?"
"I licked that one off. Too late. Now have a little already. I don't mind if you do. Makes no difference, does it?"
I still held the crêpe in front of his mouth. His cheeks filled with redness. "O-Okay..."
Mika bent down slightly to my crêpe and tried a bite. "It tastes especially good today.'' Satisfied, I nodded at him. "Told you."
"You guys are here too? Hi there!" That voice.
I looked at the boy with the asymmetrical haircut. With a smile, he waved at both of us.
"Good to see you, Xingqiu..." Where the hell has he been in school all this time? Or rather, what was he doing with Chongyun during school breaks...?
Mika wiped his mouth with a napkin the small blob of cream. "Yunyun and I were thinking that we could have a snack. What a coincidence to see you guys."
"Mmm...we were just in the mood for a crêpe." I replied monotonously. Mika quietly hissed at me to watch the way I was talking. But that didn't seem to bother Xingqiu. He was totally on cloud nine.
Chongyun approached Xingqiu with a crêpe and handed it to him. "Yunyun, you don't want anything?" Xingqiu looked a little worried. He didn't want to be the only one eating the sweet. When I made brief eye contact with Chongyun, I looked away in a flash. His ice blue eyes stood out way too much. At that moment, my heart was pounding way too fast. This was really embarrassing.
"I'm still waiting for it to cool down. It's way too hot for me."
"Would you much rather have a boba...? At least it's a cold drink."
I held out my crêpe to Mika so he could take another bite. He hesitated again, not wanting to 'chow down' on my food.
"Come on Mika. Let me be nice to you for once. Or should I buy you hair clips again and force you to wear them?"
"Ehh?! Just don't. Otherwise my brother will laugh at me again!"
Xingqiu then laughed lightly and looked at Chongyun.
"Aww..I told you how cute those two are to each other. Just look!"
Chongyun scratched the back of his head and nodded once. "Uh, yeah. I think so too..." He avoided eye contact with me.
Mika looked down at the ground sheepishly because of the two of them and said nothing in response.
"So where have you two been all these school breaks?" I asked indifferently, eating some of the crêpe myself. The very spot that Mika ate some of.
Chongyun hesitated to answer. His cheeks flushed. "I-I didn't even know you were looking for us!"
"Sorry. We've been busy in a way, you know..." Smiled Xingqiu to me. But it was a cheeky grin. "But we will be again! That's why we have to cancel our meeting with you guys."
"Xingqiu, your choice of words!" Disputed our ice boy immediately. I raised an eyebrow. Seriously?
"Oh, never mind. It wasn't anything important. It's okay." I just played it off.
This boy shouldn't get cocky. I walked away, taking my crêpe with me, of course. Mika quickly said goodbye to them and went after me.
"He didn't mean it, (Name)." He tried to comfort me. I shrugged my shoulders. "Uhm..you can be happy for them, right?" I turned to Mika after he said that.
"That's not my point. Xingqiu is getting on my nerves. That's all it is. You know us." I looked at the ground as I continued walking. Finally, the blowing wind gave us some coolness.
In fact..
Actually, we always got along well. In an unusual way, yes. Yet our friendship was completely different. Everything just changed.
It wasn't long ago, but still it feels like an eternity. What's so great about relationships? You feel like a fifth wheel. I'm not going to let that happen to me.
But sure, I want to be happy for the two of them. I really do.
It's just hard. It hurt.
Mika quietly walked by next to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I declined, shaking my head.
"(Name), I...I'm usually here for you if you want to let some words out."
"Thanks."
We finished the sweet dessert together and then met up with Bennett and Razor as we had agreed. We were going to do homework together, or rather....
To share the homework. There are advantages to going to parallel classes and having a few subjects at different intervals. I do not want to deny that it is not good. But for some subjects in school it is worth it. We chose a café as a location. Mika and I ordered only a small lemonade. Our dessert was really filling!
"I don't get it."
"Razor, that's the wrong book." Bennett switched Razor's textbooks and flipped him the right page. "See? Now you can do the assignments and..."
"I still don't understand." Honestly, I feel for him. I didn't understand the task myself. Razor and I turned to Bennett, who was chewing thoughtfully on his pencil. With a coy grin, he turned to us.
"Me... neither." Then we were left with just one person. Three heads rotated to Mika, who looked up nervously.
"I-I just wrote numbers..but they're not the right numbers! But they are numbers with letters? This is math..right?!" Oh my God...none of us knows the answer. Bennett dropped his head on his notebook. "If only Xingqiu were here...where is he?" Bennett looked up at Razor, who tapped him and put his smartphone in front of him.
"Sorry I had to cancel last minute. I have some interesting plans." He read out quietly.
"Where are you staying? The restroom isn't a mile away! XOXO..heart, heart- what?" Bennett sounded genuinely confused. Then he read on.
"Oh, sorry again. The last message was addressed to someone else, hehe. Have fun with your homework. I'll send it to you later." Bennett sighed in relief as he read the last message from Xingqiu.
"I suppose Xingqiu will send us the homework in the evening." I said in confirmation. "Let's start with another subject then..."
"Geography!" Cheered Mika and hurled his math book into the school bag. Now we all have a subject we can do something with. Especially Mika, who is a genius in this subject.
But what I couldn't do anything with at first was Bennett's worried look at me. I noticed him when I made brief eye contact with him. He then quickly looked back to his writing notebook. The way he shyly looked away from me made me feel..kind of funny. Instead of losing my thoughts about it, I focused on the geography assignments.
It took a while, but we completed the homework with success. We were just about to unpack until our group chat was filled with almost illegible math answers. Xingqiu sent them to us a tiny bit earlier than expected, feeling bad that he just blew through it. So we sat in the cafe a tiny bit longer.
What sweetened the evening even more was that the owner of the cafe gave us a small chocolate, which was very nicely wrapped, since he found us so diligent. It turned out that these beautifully packaged chocolates were not yet sold here. We were the first testers.
"Visit us again soon. I would be happy to have quiet students like you here." Said the owner in a calm tone.
When we left the café, I was still holding the chocolate in my hand. If I held it in my hand any longer...it would melt. I should eat it now.
"Diluc is very nice, as always. You wouldn't think so otherwise, because of the way he always looks, wouldn't you, (Name)?"
I agreed with Bennett. Diluc... the way he always stood quietly at the counter, making sure everything stayed clean and that the details of the dishes served looked nice, always had a monotone face.
Like me.
But unlike me, he sounded so soothing and pleasant whenever he spoke. I always enjoyed visiting his café. I put a hand on my heart. "He makes you feel at ease." I said softly, looking at Bennett.
"Yeah..." He then looked to the ground as we walked down the empty street. It wasn't dark yet because of daylight saving time. But the sky was already turning a dark orange.
"His cookies..are good." Commented Razor, who hadn't said anything in a while.
"That too! Should we go back tomorrow?" Bennett put his arms around his best friend's shoulders, laughing. "Then I can get the cookies again tomorrow..the ones with the paws..." He looked very dreamy. "The ones with the dog paws?" I asked. At least that's what they looked like to me. But Razor seemed to disagree completely. "I think those should represent wolf paws..." That he knows even such a detail about cookies is quite remarkable.
Mika smiled at him. "Tomorrow you can ask Diluc if it should represent dogs or wolves! Um..is there actually a difference?" Razor fell silent at Mika's question. This apparently made the blond haired boy nervous.
"Sorry! I'll shut up...?!"
Our dear Mika. No one would ever blame you. I briefly brushed a dislodged strand of hair from my face. At that very act, I caught Bennett looking to me..again. He didn't notice me knowing he was looking at me, though. That could be because I have a wide field of vision. Or that I immediately sense when someone is looking at me from the side. Don't ask me. I think you notice something like that after a while. But instead of ignoring him, I wanted to look at him.
Because I want to know how he looks at me.
So I turned to him. His eyes widened a little bit. But he didn't look away. Maybe because I was looking at him without comment.
"So..your hair clips! I think they're pretty..." He stammered out shyly and smiled scratching his head.
Oh, so that was it? Not more?
I grabbed the hair clip where a bunny was printed. "In that case, I'll be happy to lend it to you..." This left Bennett speechless, apparently not expecting my comment. He then got a warning and concerned face from Mika. I saw that.
"Mika, don't manipulate his decision..." I mumbled and looked at him disappointedly.
"Ahh, sorry! Bennett, you can wear as many hair clips as you like! They would certainly look good on you!"
"Actually..I'm totally okay without clips..ahah." Bennett is missing out on so much. If he would let me, I would give him my cat hair clips.
Tonight I spent not so hardworking for school. In my opinion, I have done enough..for today.
I had planned to watch some series right at home and snuggle up in a blanket. But this plan failed when I passed a mirror. Carefully I inspected my face at my small mirror in a heart shape, which hangs in my room. I then brushed two fingers over my eyebrow.
I did not like it.
From my makeup bag, I grabbed a pair of tweezers, nail scissors, and a small mirror. And while I'm at it, I might as well get a face mask from the fridge. After putting on a hair band, I got right to work on my face. I'll just run my series in the background then. That way, it didn't sound so lonely in this apartment. My dad often works late shifts, so I tend to see him briefly during the week. But that wasn't a bad thing for me. After all, he was making an effort at his work and I didn't want to disturb him there.
I took another look at my eyebrows after I corrected them. Anyway, it looks much better than before. Even after I cleaned my face, I started getting notifications on my phone. I thought I turned off notifications?
I scrolled and scrolled... of course I gave likes to my friends.
Xiangling for her cooking for example....
Fischl for her cosplays... (which were really amazing).
Then I kept scrolling because I saw photos of people I didn't know.
Then I came across a recently uploaded photo.
Cute filters, stickers and a short caption. Two very familiar faces. One tried to cover his face, the other pulled him into a hug, grinning.
A photo of the new couple.
I hesitated a little until I tapped my thumb twice on the screen.
A heart appeared.
And a bitter smile on my face.