Work Text:
The hammer against metal gave off a sharp, jarring sound that rang in his ears. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead. Good, he thought.
“Oi, Paulie!” Tilestone roared in his familiar ‘I-am-incapable-of-speaking-normally’-voice. Paulie didn’t look up from his work. He kept slamming the hammer relentlessly against the metal, bending it to his will like he had a personal grudge against it. “Come and have some food!” No, I’m not hungry. He didn’t want to stop working. Not now. He didn’t want to take a break.
“Yeah, I’m coming.” he heard himself say.
Puffing Ice was coming along nicely. It would be the new seatrain, aptly named after Iceburg. Right after finishing the building of Thousand Sunny, which the Mugiwara crew had sailed off in, Iceburg had revealed that they would be starting a new project. They had to make a new seatrain, after Puffing Tom got more or less destroyed. They weren’t only building a new one - they were also making improvements to the design. Well, Paulie said they, but mostly it was Iceburg who was the genius behind the drawings. He had been relieved when the project had been presented. Working himself into a coma on a daily basis was exactly what the doctor ordered. When he wasn’t working, he was gambling, or drinking, or both. He’d do anything to keep his mind busy. If he didn’t - he would be faced with dark thoughts. He would begin to think about the past.
He wiped sweat off his forehead and climbed down to join the others in what looked more like a make-shift camp than anything. Tilestone, Lulu and Iceburg were sitting on different pieces of material they’d be using later. Everyone was holding a sandwich and chewing fiercely. Lulu handed Paulie his lunch, and Paulie too sat down. He was tired. He noticed it in how badly his body welcomed the break. Tch. This was no time to be tired!
Even though it had been a year of working just the four of them (other members of the Galley-La Company also worked, but not to the same extent), and Paulie still hadn’t gotten used to it. He noticed it mostly whenever they took a break. Their circle was too small.
Kalifa should’ve been here. Not to sit down, but to bring them the sandwiches and tell Iceburg that he couldn’t work all day because he had his duties as major to attend to. Paulie would’ve yelled at her to put on some more clothes, and she would’ve called it sexual harassment. Iceburg would’ve been unhappily dragged away to a meeting he wouldn’t want to go to.
Kaku should’ve been here. His round, kind eyes bright and cheerful. He would’ve commented on today’s work in his old-fashioned way that made him seem like an ossan. He probably would’ve been excited about getting to build Puffing Ice. He always had a liking for futuristic themes and engineering.
And --- Paulie swallowed. He hadn’t even taken a bite of his sandwich yet. Lucci should’ve been here. Silent. Sitting next to him with Hattori on his shoulder. Whenever he thought about Lucci, he could feel fury surge in his chest. Anger was the most prominent emotion, but it wasn’t alone. There was shame there as well, not to mention sadness. If people had known what he was going through, they probably would’ve said that “time heals all wounds” or something similar. A year wasn’t enough to get over a broken heart, huh?
All the CP9 members had betrayed them. Iceburg, Lulu and Tilestone had all suffered the blow of having people they thought were Nakama turn their backs on them. However, for Paulie it was more than that. He and Lucci had been... Lovers. Paulie felt his face heat up, his cheeks burning with shame. Luckily it was a hot day, so he hoped the others would just think he was flushed from overworking. He aggressively bit into the sandwich.
The way he had fallen in love with Lucci hadn’t been dramatic. He hadn’t been “swept off his feet”, and somehow, that made all of this worse. It had been a slow process over three years. He had been drawn to the calmness of him. The fact that he could be strict without even being verbal about it had made him much easier to deal with. Paulie was not the sort of person who easily backed down, but with Lucci, it had become natural. The hidden authority that had rested within the other had been calming. Paulie was quite chaotic and he wasn’t the type of person to think too far into the future. Lucci’s calm and collected presence had felt like an anchor to him. Something to keep him safely docked. The trust he had put in him had been unequaled.
It was Paulie who had initiated. It hadn’t been romantic. Paulie had never been good with words anyway, and when he confessed his feelings to Lucci, he’d been so drunk that he’d just blabbered like an idiot. Lucci hadn’t laughed (he never did). He had taken him seriously, which was what Paulie had secretly wanted. It had always been like that. Like Lucci could see straight through him. Being seen and understood, despite being such a messy character, was priceless to Paulie. Even if he had been drunk, he remembered their first kiss. Outside Blueno’s bar. It was raining and Lucci had tipped his hat back when he leaned down. He had tasted like brandy.
As a boyfriend, Lucci had been perfect. For two years, they had dated. In secret. Not because Paulie was afraid of judgment from others, but because he had wanted to keep Lucci all to himself. He didn’t want to let anyone into their bubble of happiness. To the outside world, they had gone on as friends, just like before. Nakama. Paulie had never doubted Lucci’s intentions with their relationship. Not for a single second. Because Lucci was such a calm and collected person who always thought ahead, he had truly believed that the other took their relationship seriously. That the man wanted to be with him.
Everything had been a lie. The trust Paulie had put in him, the love he had had for him - the love he had thought Lucci had for him. Nothing remained now. Only scars on his torso from Lucci’s fingertips. And still, after everything, Paulie didn’t hate him. What he wished for, more than anything, was that this was somehow all a nightmare that he’d wake up from. He wanted to go back in time so that they could be together again. Am I an idiot or what? He told himself as he finished his sandwich just as aggressively as he had begun. He wanted to get to work again already!
Ten hours later, it was almost midnight. The streets had gone quiet and the wind had picked up. Paulie had been sent home by Iceburg, who insisted he should get some rest. Paulie’s body strongly agreed. His muscles were sore and his fingers ached. With how exhausted he was, he would probably just collapse in bed and fall asleep straight away. That’s what he was hoping for at least. If he didn’t fall asleep, there was a bottle of alcohol on his nightstand, and he was not afraid to use it.
Tiredly, he dragged his feet along. There was a cigar between his teeth as per usual, drowning out the scent of the sea that always engulfed Water Seven. He walked home and saw that he had left the door unlocked. Considering how absentminded he was these days, he was hardly surprised. Rubbing the bridge of his nose to implant a mental note to lock his door tomorrow, he pushed it open and stepped inside. The door clicked shut behind him, and the room was surprisingly dark. The curtains were drawn shut. Had he closed the curtains this morning? He didn’t think so. He preferred to have them open because it was simply too depressing otherwise. Not to mention the break of dawn would wake him up early, which he liked. Could the curtains have somehow blown shut because the door was open? He scratched the back of his head and slowly stepped forward. He needed to find a lamp to light up. He always carried matches, and was already reaching for them in one of his pockets.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
His blood froze. He remembered the first and last time he had heard that voice. It was deep and cold. There was no softness in it. Paulie was not easily intimidated, but he couldn’t help but recall the feeling of sharp fingertips piercing his skin as easily as if he had been made of clay. His mouth felt dry. He gathered courage by biting hard down on his cigar.
“It’s a good thing it’s dark in here. I really don’t feel like seeing your face.” As if on cue, an oil lamp was lit. The modest flame cast warm light into the room, and presented Lucci to him. Paulie wanted to rub his eyes, half expecting this to just be his overworked brain making him hallucinate, but no, he knew he was real. He was just as tall as Paulie remembered him. His body slim and his shoulders broad. He wore white now. Not very fitting for an assassin, was it? A white suit, a white tophat and a white coat. His thick hair was longer, and gathered in a loose ponytail in the back. His goatee too was longer, but nothing about his appearance was ragged. He carried himself with dignity and authority. Paulie was sure Lucci could hear his heartbeat. He knew he was in mortal danger, as much as it hurt his pride to admit it. Lucci was a lot stronger than him. It wasn’t the threat to his life that was making his heart race though. It was seeing him. How many times had he imagined getting to see him again? How many times had he thought about what he wanted to say to him? Now that the chance was here though - he had forgotten everything. “What are you doing here? Didn’t Roronoa give you my message? You are fired.” Of course he knew Lucci wasn’t here for anything work-related. He had never been interested in working at Galley-La. Just like he had never been interested in the two of them being together. So why - why was he here?
There was silence between them for a moment, before Lucci spoke again. He hadn’t moved from where he was standing, by the curtains a good few meters away from Paulie. There was no such thing as a “safe distance” when it came to Lucci though.
“I would’ve come sooner, but I had some matters to attend to.”
“You could’ve waited until Kingdom Come, I still wouldn’t have given you a goddamn invitation.” some of Paulie’s anger was beginning to rise within him. Before he knew it, the floodgates were open. He forgot about fear, and maybe he didn’t even care that Lucci might be here to kill him. With long, quick strides he stormed over to him, and grabbed a hold of his shirt, hard enough to threaten to tear the fabric or pop the buttons. He yanked him down, because Lucci was a tiny bit taller than him. “You bastard! What the hell are you doing here!? Do you think I want to see your face after what you did!? Have you come to finish the job, maybe!? See, you couldn’t even kill me! What kind of scheme are you going to pull now, huh!? What kind of game are you going to play!?” His chest was rising and falling rapidly. His eyes were stinging with tears that wanted to break through. His hands holding onto Lucci’s shirt were trembling slightly. He was breathing in the scent of him. It hurt. Lucci had remained completely calm while Paulie literally yelled in his face.
“I wanted to see you.”
He--- What? Maybe some would’ve found the words sweet. Maybe they were meant to be sincere. Maybe it was a legit explanation for him being here. However -
“Don’t mess with me! You think I’ll believe anything you say!? You lying piece of shit! I hate you!” Paulie felt like he could continue yelling insults at him until dawn. He wanted to get some sort of reaction from him. He wanted to see him hurt! But Lucci’s face remained stoic. His black eyes giving away nothing of what he was thinking.
“That’s what I wanted to hear.” he finally said. Paulie was stunned. His cigar fell out of his mouth and onto the floor. “For months now, I have been thinking about you. I can’t get you out of my mind. I came here hoping to hear you say you hate me. Now I can move on, knowing we can never be together again.”
When he had imagined their reunion, there had been no versions in which Lucci had said that. Paulie looked at him with absolute confusion. Disbelief. He noticed that he was beginning to believe him, because of how badly he wanted the other’s words to be true. No. He was never going to fall victim to him and his lies again!
“You’ve gotta be kidding! You think I’ll believe this!? ‘Move on from me’? Don’t pretend as if you cared about me even for a second! Don’t mock me!” He noticed his voice was beginning to sound thick, because he was shamefully about to start to cry. He couldn’t let that happen! He wasn’t going to let Lucci humiliate him like that!
“Do you really think I didn’t care about you?” Finally, Lucci was showing some emotion, his brows furrowing slightly.
“Why would I think you care!? Have you forgotten you literally tried to kill me? And you even said it yourself, that you never thought of me as you Nakama.” That was what he had said. His words had been cold, and in a way, they had hurt Paulie more than the holes in his chest. Lucci briefly closed his eyes. Lucci felt the other’s hands take a hold of his own, prying them open so that he couldn’t hold onto his shirt anymore.
“I knew you wouldn’t die from those injuries. I had to make it believable for the others. And - I thought it would be easier for you if I told you I never cared. I wanted it to be a clean break - well, as clean as the circumstances could allow.”
More lies! The fact that Lucci was trying to spin this off as something he had done for Paulie’s sake... It was so stupid it was almost funny. Paulie didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. He could feel the heat from Lucci’s hands, which still rested over his own. The skin contact alone made his body feel hot.
“Don’t--- Mess with me. Don’t touch me!” He had to be careful with raising his voice now, or he knew he was going to cry. How pathetic. Everything about him right now was pathetic. The desperate want to believe Lucci was the worst. It was so hard to fight it.
“Say it again. Tell me you hate me. I want to hear it.” Lucci prompted him, squeezing his hands almost painfully tight. Paulie’s fingers were just barely curled into the fabric of the other’s shirt now.
“I hate you.” Paulie followed his command like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Again.” Lucci demanded.
“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you so much---!” Paulie’s voice broke the moment he raised it. His ears burned with shame when he realized tears were spilling from the corners of his eyes. He tipped his head forward, no longer looking at Lucci’s face. His pride shattered. He wanted to hide.
“I wish you were a better liar.” Lucci let go of his hands now, and cupped his face instead. Panic shot through him at having the other’s hands so near his vulnerable neck. Lucci forced his head back so that they were once again looking at each other. He wanted to see him cry, huh?! That sadistic bastard!
“Who are you calling a liar!?”
“You. I’m calling you a liar.”
“I’m telling you I hate you! Isn’t that what you wanted to hear? You sick bastard! Let me go!” Since he had no pride left, he made an attempt to pull himself free. With no success, of course. Lucci was so strong that Paulie’s own strength was rendered nothing but a joke, completing his humiliation.
“You’re lying. I can tell. You miss me.”
“Huh!? Who the hell would miss you!?” It hurt. His chest felt like it would lock up any second. The fact that Lucci was seeing right through him, like he always had - it was painful. The shame of having to admit, deep down, that yes, he missed him. It hurt.
“I miss you.” Lucci stated. He tried to say it calmly, but, there was definitely a nerve in his voice that Paulie hadn’t heard before. Like it cost him something to say it. To confess it.
“You think I’m buying that!?” He wanted to. He wanted to believe it so badly he could taste it.
“I miss you.” Lucci repeated, as if saying it multiple times would somehow make Paulie believe him. “I miss you.”
“Stop.” Paulie had to make him stop, or he really would begin to believe him. That was the last thing he wanted! False hope! He just wanted all of this to be over with. If he could, he wanted to erase every memory he had of Lucci. “That’s enough. Just--- Just stop.”
“Why? Because you’re beginning to believe me?” Always seeing through him. Always reading him. Paulie felt his skin burn against Lucci’s hands.
“Y-yeah.” he admitted, quietly now. He felt defeated. Every turn he took, Lucci was there to block his path. He had no fight left in him. “Because I want to believe you. I wanted you to miss me. Like--- Like I miss you. Damn it!”
“Then believe me.” Lucci leaned down now. Paulie knew what was happening. He knew he should at least try to stop him. He knew he was being swept off his feet in the most pathetic way, but he couldn’t stop it from happening. Because he didn’t want to. Their lips met in a kiss. It wasn’t brief or subtle. Paulie leaned into him and kissed him with disgraceful desperation. Lucci, in turn, kissed him with need. Paulie grabbed a hold of him to pull him closer. To just hold him as they kissed. He believed him. Despite his better judgment, and despite knowing that it would give him nothing but grief, Paulie believed Lucci missed him.