Chapter Text
Freddy: I could kiss you, cap…
Manny: Freddy…don’t push your luck with me.
Freddy: Copy.
Manny: And get the hell out of here.
(Freddy leaves the room, closing the door behind him.)
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Bode’s thoughts race as Cap sends Freddy out of the room and the potential consequences of his actions dawn on him. He’d fucked up bad –not going to Cap immediately after Freddy’s injury– and now he has to face the music. Bode is stuck in a cycle of always wanting to do the right thing, but no matter how hard he tries, he just keeps tripping himself up.
He just wants to make the captain proud and prove he can do this, without causing any more trouble. That urge to prove he’s worthy of the second chance Manny had given to him is at war with his nature. Sometimes he wonders if there is something wrong with him, something that makes him push boundaries. It’s almost like he craves any attention, even if it’s negative. Arguments with the captain are quickly becoming the highlight of his time at Three Rock. These arguments and hearing the captain tell him he’s doing good work, that is…
Hell, any time he talks to the captain one on one his blood gets pumping.
Suddenly, his shirt is too tight, his throat goes dry, and he wants to throw punches or something else entirely. Truthfully, Bode has felt out of whack around the captain since that first solo conversation in the bunkhouse. Cap should have sent Bode packing, but instead he’d gotten up close and personal and called Bode out on his daddy issues.
Ever since then it’s been an itch he just can’t scratch. The captain stirs up thoughts and feelings that Bode can’t get back under wraps. Every time he looks at the captain there’s something simmering just below the surface, a feeling he can’t or won’t give a name to.
Manny steps right into Bode’s personal space, “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t send you back to prison right now.” Almost instantly, he’s aware of a serious miscalculation. Being so close to Bode when he’s barely hanging on to a thread of control is a recipe for disaster.
Every time he thinks he’s got Bode figured out –and on the right track– the kid turns around and burns him. It’s bad enough that he gave into Sharon’s request to keep Bode here, when from day one he saw Bode for the temptation he is. Bode is as hot-headed as he is attractive, and the combination caught Manny’s attention from their first interaction.
Manny has never talked to his daughter about his sexuality. He’s never talked to anyone about it. It just isn’t something a man like him has the ability to open up about. It wasn’t accepted when he was growing up, and he’s never felt brave enough to face down the judgment of his conservative family. Instead, he’d hidden it from everyone, and prayed that he’d never be confronted with a reason to throw caution to the wind.
He’s had a few one night stands, picking up a cute guy at a bar occasionally through the years. But he’s never had a real relationship with a man. He’s never had a man challenge him the way Bode does, beating on the invisible walls he’s erected to protect himself. He’d taken one look at Bode and he’d known without a doubt that he could be trouble if Manny was willing to let his guard down. So, he had done his best to keep things on the level.
It was apparent from what he’d seen in Bode’s interaction with Vince that he could use some encouragement and guidance. Manny saw that his sister’s death was eating him up from the inside and he’d tried to steer Bode in the right direction without letting his own feelings get the better of him. Unfortunately, Bode is as hard headed as the fires are long, and tonight Manny has reached the end of his rope. He wants to grab those tense, muscular, shoulders and shake some sense into the man who has been haunting his dreams and making his days a nightmare.
Bode responds confidently, “You said that I’m supposed to have the crew’s back as First Saw.”
Manny’s anger bubbles just under the surface, but he keeps some distance between them. “I also said that I need to trust you, Bode. I can’t clean up after your mistakes!”
“Who’s asking you to, man?”
“Your mom, for one.”
Bode asks incredulously. “W-What?”
Manny maintains his composure, and responds calmly. “She asked me to keep you here.”
The blood drains from Bode’s face.
Mom asked Cap to keep me here?
All this time, he thought the captain had given him a second chance because he saw some good in him. He thought the Captain wanted him here, and now his head spins with the loss of that security.
Bode stammers, “Why would she- she wouldn’t bend the rules like that!
“Bode, I stuck my neck out for you. Don’t make me regret it. Your mistakes, they reflect on me. They affect my fate.” Manny turns to walk away, his grip on his emotions growing stronger with each word. They serve as a reminder of their positions within the camp, and Manny is thankful that he’d been able to keep it from becoming personal.
He’s almost to the door when Bode responds, his voice rising with each word.
“So send me away. Who cares what my mom wants, send me away and I won’t be your problem any more.” Bode regrets the words even as they spill out of his mouth, but his temper leads the way when his emotions run high.
Bode watches –waiting for the fallout– already preparing himself for his return to Lompoc. He has a good thing going here, friends and a little bit of freedom. Things finally look up, but he can’t keep his mouth shut long enough to stay out of trouble.
Manny stops where he is and takes a deep breath, Bode just boiled it down to the real problem. Deep down his biggest fear is people leaving him, so he pushes everyone away before they can hurt him. Manny’s stomach drops into his feet and he can’t walk out on Bode. He refuses to send Bode away and confirm his worst fears. Somehow, Manny has to break through to the young man, he can practically hear Bode crying out for someone to care about him.
As hard as he’s tried to keep his distance, the pain in Bode’s voice is the final straw. “You think, after everything I’ve been through to keep you here, I’m going to just give up on you?” Manny slowly turns around, but doesn’t make any moves to cross the distance between them. His heart breaks for Bode, but still he fights his instincts, worried that if he comes back within an arm’s reach he might do something rash.
Bode doesn’t speak. Instead, he stares across the room at the man he has just issued a challenge to in disbelief. He just doesn’t know when to give up, does he? Bode cannot come up with a single reason for Manny to stay, when he’s offered him every reason to walk away without looking back, and he doesn’t have an answer for the question he’s been asked. He continues to stand in silence, staring at the other man until he speaks again.
“I asked you a question.” Manny calls out. “Are you going to answer me, or make me come over there?” He watches Bode breathe in and out raggedly, then realizes that Bode has probably been in fight or flight mode since this encounter began, and is probably overwhelmed.
Bode’s mind races, and he’s like a deer caught in headlights. No one has ever called his bluff like this, everyone gives up on him. He’s used to watching them leave, or worse, being kicked out. He never expected Captain to call his bluff, and he’s speechless. Waves of nausea crash in his stomach, his breathing picks up, and his heart pounds faster in his chest. Bode flicks his tongue out in an effort to quench his parched lips, but he feels disconnected from his body.
Manny takes one step forward, then another, approaching slowly, until he is just a foot away from Bode. From this distance, the sweat forming on Bode’s forehead is visible. The younger man’s shallow breaths seem loud in the silence and the scent of smoke and Irish Spring lingers in the air, drawing him in. Manny rubs his finger along his own pant leg, searching for the stitching that helps ground him when he feels like he is losing his grip.
Manny’s gaze is intense and his voice is quiet but authoritative when he asks, “Do you honestly think I'm going to give up on you? I expect you to answer the question, Bode.”
Bode crumples forward without warning.
Manny staggers back a step –bracing himself just in time– to catch Bode’s head against his chest. Without thought, he reaches up to wrap his arms around Bode’s shoulders and brings the younger man close. Manny’s already tenuous grip on his emotions breaks when he feels sobs wrack through Bode.
Manny looks up at the ceiling as though his salvation might be found in the bare beams of the bunkhouse. He doesn’t know what is going to happen now, but he knows that everything has changed. As the minutes pass, Manny rubs slow circles over the firm muscles beneath his hands. He whispers words of reassurance to the man in his arms, and stands there taking in every hiccuping breath, and tear that falls into his shirt.
Time seems to stand still and Manny holds his breath, wondering how Bode is going to react. Before long Bode returns the embrace, wrapping his thick arms around his midsection and giveing a squeeze. His breathing slows down and his hiccups start to fade, but his arms remain wrapped like a vise around Manny’s waist.
He needs this.
Manny lifts a hand to trace up and down Bode’s back –offering comfort– pausing at the top of Bode’s shoulder on each pass. On the last pass, Manny squeezes Bode’s shoulder and moves his hand down Bode’s arm to cup his elbow.
Slowly, Bode realizes that his tears have dried up, and his breathing has almost returned to normal. He becomes aware of Manny’s hand caressing him and he feels safe in a way he hasn’t felt since before Riley died. As Manny’s hand grips his shoulder and moves down his arm to his elbow, he realizes just how hard he is squeezing the man’s waist. Bode shifts to loosen his grip and as he does Manny whispers into his ear again. “I’m not going anywhere Bode, I’m right here.” Bode relaxes again into the embrace and breathes deeply and calmly. After another few minutes Bode loosens his hold and leans back away from Manny’s chest. He keeps his body pressed against his captain, only pulling back enough to look into Manny’s eyes before finally speaking.
“I thought if I pushed hard enough you would give up on me too, just like everyone else.”
Manny looks down into those clear blue eyes and feels himself being pulled under. “Bode, I promise you that I will do everything in my power to help you, but you’ve got to communicate with me. I can’t help you if you won’t let me in. I’m on your team.” His shock at still having his arms loosely around Bode, fades to the back as Bode leans closer and puts his forehead against Manny’s.
“I can’t promise that I won’t make any mistakes, but I promise to try my hardest to come to you with anything that is bothering me in the future.” Bode races to understand why he’s pressed his face so close to Manny, but the intimacy of the moment washes over him and suddenly those feelings he hasn’t been able to name are roaring to the surface. His stomach churns, and his skin tingles with electricity where he and Manny touch.
I should pull away, put some space between us.
The thought is gone just as quickly as it came. Every breath Bode takes whispers against his face and Manny’s hands burn where they wrap around Bode’s waist. Despite all of the rational reasons against it, he tilts his head and millimeter by millimeter leans in for the inevitable. He pauses just before sealing his lips against Bode’s. “If you don’t want this, you need to let me know, because I don’t want any hard feelings afterward.”
Bode answers without words, closing the gap between them and gently sweeping his lips against Manny’s. He hasn’t kissed anyone since before he went to prison –and he’s never kissed a guy– but as his lips move against Manny’s his body remembers exactly what to do and his nerves disappear. He grabs at Manny’s shirt, pulling him as close as possible, and parting his lips to flick his tongue out to taste Manny’s full, damp lips.
Manny groans, walking Bode backwards until he’s flush against a locker. He opens his mouth and Bode doesn’t hesitate, deepening the kiss while Manny’s hands slide lower to explore his back. They kiss frantically, becoming more aggressive and needy with every slip and slide of their mouths against each other.
When Manny breaks the kiss Bode mourns the loss of contact with a soft curse, but the sound of disappointment quickly transforms into an eager noise when Manny’s mouth finds the sensitive spot where Bode’s neck and shoulder connects. He seals his lips over the meaty muscle there, and laps at the slightly salty skin, before biting down right above the orange collar of Bode’s shirt. He is rewarded with an answering moan that nearly undoes him. Manny forgets where he is, moving his mouth greedily up and down Bode’s throat. Sliding his hands down to cup Bode’s tight ass, he uses the leverage to pull their hips together tightly.
Bode reaches his hand under Manny’s chin and pulls his face roughly back to his own, eager to taste Manny’s lips again. Manny feels like a teenager trying to sneak in a quickie as he drinks in the sexy noises and responsive actions Bode offers up. He lets Bode set the pace for the kiss, and is amazed when he feels Bode’s hand snaking under his shirt to touch his hip. Bode grips him tightly and Manny is about to reach down and pull his shirt over his head, when he hears the 10 minute warning bell, for everyone to head to the dorm for the night.
“Fuck!” Manny pulls away from Bode, gently thumping the heel of his hand against his forehead.
“Damnit!” Bode responds as he processes the loss of the captain’s heat against his body. He sags against the wall for a brief second before quickly tugging his uniform in an effort to hide the evidence of his arousal. He looks up at Manny, and the answering heat in his gaze almost takes Bode breath away.
“I’m sorry we didn’t have more time. I’ll tell the CO that I kept you from taking a shower, so you’ll get time to do that before lights out.” Manny swipes his hand across his mouth, drawing Bode’s eyes, and nearly undoing the tiny bit of space they’ve created between them. He takes a step back, breathing raggedly. “Think of me in the shower Bode.” Manny sends Bode a smirk that would make a nun blush, and reaches to adjust his own clothing while looking Bode up and down.
Bode winks, “Copy that, Captain,” and crosses to his bunk to grab his shower bag. Manny takes the opportunity to sneak one last caress as Bode passes him.
“Next time, I will hear you say my name.” Manny murmurs quietly to Bode as he makes his way to the door.
Bode shivers in anticipation at the thought.