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Fire Lord Zuko was in the midst of negotiations with Earth King Kuei when the most eventful friendship in post-Sozin politics began. They had just agreed to the final terms of the treaty and were planning the signing event that would formally close the book on the century long war.
“I think it’s safe to say now that the Dragon Emperor and I have agreed—“ Kuei was speaking before he paused, noticing his slip. His eyes widened and he looked across the table nervously.
“I’m so sorry Fire Lord Zuko—“ the rattled man started. Kuei was still a bit skittish from the incident with Long Feng and his dethronement.
“Did you just call me ‘Dragon Emperor’?” Zuko asked with a wide grin that made all of the Earth Kingdom generals and advisors tremble while their Fire Nation counterparts facepalmed. The former were likely associating this with Princess Azula’s near constant smirk, while the later realized that their young leader was on the precipice of full distraction. Aang, Sokka, Katara, Suki, Toph, and all the other representatives simply appeared confused. Why were they pausing on a simple misstatement?
“Yes, so sorry about that,” Kuei responded. Zuko’s grin widened further.
“You’re a fan of Abe Akio’s plays?” Zuko asked the Earth King. All nervousness disappeared from Kuei’s face as his own grin erupted. The Fire Nation advisors began throwing their writing instruments and notes down on the table with exasperated groans: the precipice had been surpassed.
“A fan? Of course! His dramas and romances are some of the best Osorai-era Fire Nation works! The Spring Meadow Players in Ba Sing Se’s Upper Ring are putting on a performance of Love Amongst the Dragons this month. I went to the premiere, and it was sublime,” Kuei raved. Now the Earth Kingdom advisors began to mirror their Fire Nation counterparts’ exasperation. Both sets of officials were now watching their monarchs build up to an inescapable series of theatre reviews.
“Really? Would it be possible to get tickets? I haven’t seen the play in years and the last time was subpar. I must caution you against the Ember Island Players if you’re ever in the Fire Nation. They’re horrible,” Zuko exclaimed.
“Oh that’s terrible; is there anything worse than having to watch a great piece of theatrical brilliance mangled?” Kuei groaned.
“Yes! The war was worse! Let’s finish this treaty!” one of the Earth Kingdom generals shouted from the side. He was ignored by the monarchs.
“Indeed. I still can’t understand how they managed to so completely miss the point of his transformative experience,” Zuko sighed.
“I cannot let them poison Abe Akio’s finest masterpiece with their incompetence. I will arrange for a Royal Box at tonight’s performance! Would you accompany me Fire Lord Zuko?” Kuei asked.
“Definitely Earth King Kuei! I haven’t been to a decent theatre in months. When is the showing?” Zuko excitedly agreed. Kuei looked at the time-keeping candles on the table.
“Oh! We only have about an hour! I must send a messenger to the theatre at once!” Kuei said while turning to leave the throne room with Bosco in tow.
“Of course! That’s not much time to replace this ridiculous outfit with something more theatre appropriate,” Zuko noted while gesturing to his Fire Lord regalia.
“I’ll meet you at the palace gates in thirty minutes, Zuko!” Kuei said before disappearing behind a curtain.
“Got it Kuei!” Zuko replied before dashing out the main door. The ambassadors, military leaders, and officials left in the room looked at each other in shock.
“What just happened?” Hakoda asked, looking at his son.
“I knew it was a bad idea to put Kuei and Zuko in the same room,” Sokka growled.
“I thought you were worried about the peace breaking down,” Bato sighed.
“No. King Softy and Fire Lord Dork-o aren’t going to start a war. But now we’ll have to deal with their incessant babbling about theatre,” Sokka groaned as if war was preferable.
“Did the Earth King and Fire Lord just walk out of the peace conference to go see a play?” Chief Arnook asked in shock.
“Yes,” one of Zuko’s advisors said dryly.
“That’s insane. Is this typical behavior? Are all the Fire Nation royals out of their minds?” General How asked.
“Well I’m not sure it’s typical per se, but its in character. Fire Lord Zuko loves the theatre. And turtleducks. And finding exotic teas to send to his uncle. I thought we’d make it through this one meeting without distraction but alas—“ the advisor trailed off.
“That’s true,” Suki added, “When I was leading the security team at the Fire Palace he once ran off without telling anyone to buy Mai some knives.
“Who is ‘Mai’?” an Earth Kingdom official asked.
“His girlfriend,” Suki laughed.
“It could be worse,” another Fire Nation official sighed.
“How?” Arnook asked.
The Fire Nation man answered: “Well I was hired by Fire Lord Ozai and was in charge of palace protocol the day of Princess Azula’s scheduled coronation. None of the royals are sane but at least Fire Lord Zuko isn’t homicidal. He’s just—obsessive.”
“You don’t say,” Sokka sarcastically replied.
“I guess it’s a good thing that they’re bonding, right?” Aang suggested. Everyone shrugged.
“Aang’s got a point,” Katara smiled. She was much more amused than most of the other people left in the room.
“Why does their ‘bonding’ have to be so inconvenient and so dorky, though?” Sokka complained.
“Because it’s Kuei and Sparky. Being inconvenient and majorly dorky is their thing. I hope they never change,” Toph laughed. Everyone shrugged again.
“Well, meeting adjourned I guess since the leaders of the world’s two largest nations just left to go watch a play,” Arnook grimaced. The dignitaries and officials disbanded. A little bit later the two most powerful autocrats in the world could be seen with their guards running out of the palace together so they could catch an evening performance of Love Amongst the Dragons.
Chief Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe was scandalized by the ridiculousness of that days events, but at least he knew one thing for sure now: the peace would hold. As long as all of the world’s armies were beholden to theatre nerds who liked the same plays the warmongers wouldn’t stand a chance.