Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

September 14th, 2005 

- Present -

Crunch

It reminded him of something. When he was a kid, looking for something to fill the time while his dad left for days at a time. He would screw around behind the trailer park near a creek. One day there was a big old june bug there. It was the size of someone's big toe, swear to god. He had taken a stick and pressed down on the thing's massive back, just slowly adding pressure until the shell collapsed in on itself. It's innards spewed out of each side. The thing died, obviously. It was just a bug. Just a dumb little thing, no brain to speak of, no family to go home to. But he had cried. He cried all night, alone in that shitty old trailer. Why would he do that? Why would he kill it? It was an intrusive thought, a brief impulse from the mind of a neglected child. He had crushed it to death for no reason. It never deserved his calm violence. It was just a fucking bug. 

Crack

But this? What was happening to Eddie right now? He deserved this. He wasn't a bug on a rock, wrong place, wrong time. This was Eddie’s choice. He knew it would happen. He shouldn't have gotten involved. He knew his nose was crushed, that was the crunch. The cartilage fizzled like rice krispies in a bowl. He was drowning in the blood that started to pour into his throat. He would cough, spit it out if there was a moment between strikes, metal colliding with his bones over and over. But there wasn't a chance. He never had a chance. That's the only thing that he had in common with that stupid beetle. 

Pop  

Eddie felt a sigh of breath leave him and it was almost as if it was his spirit trying to faze out of his body. It was disembodied and feather light. He had transcended from the pain, but there was a new sensation in his abdomen. White hot light shooting through him as if he was being purified by an angel's light. Hallelujah. 

"Johnny, you're gonna fucking kill him!!"

A voice from heaven. A beautiful, lilting sound. Notes cascading over a harp. Music, overstimulating and gorgeous. All for a sinner like Eddie Munson. Crying out to save a wretch like Eddie fucking Munson. He smiled lazily. He laughed mirthlessly, or at least wanted to. It came out like a gargle, blood spilling over his split lips, bubbling sickeningly and forcing him to gag. 

"Eddie!! EDDIE!! " 

All of it seemed so familiar somehow. A string of memory that he couldn't quite grasp onto and pull back to read the lines. A past he never knew and a future he never deserved in the first place. Come on, angel. Come save me. Salvation sounded so far away. 

__

September 14th, 2005 

-  An Hour and a Half Ago -

Eddie was leaning against the wall outside the rundown pub watching people push through the doors, laughing and punching each other playfully. The city that he was in wasn’t really known for its nightlife. The closest thing to a nightclub was a restaurant downtown that turned on a disco ball after the kitchen closed and started playing Britney Spears over the speakers. It was pretty popular too, seeing as they didn’t ID most of the time. That wasn’t Eddie’s scene anyway. He preferred to spend his time roughing around with the punk kids and metal heads. Being that the city wasn’t exactly huge, the weirdo’s tended to flock to each other. Must have been some sort of old survival response that was never truly stomped out by evolution. Eddie took a long drag from his cigarette, letting the smoke drift from his lips and encircle him like a magician’s getaway scam. A man walking in through the doors of the pub gave him a short look and a nod which Eddie returned. The pub he was at was a watering hole for the degenerates. It was endearingly called Pogue’s, an irish name which was rich being that it was owned by a curmudgeonly old French-Canadian man who didn’t have a lick of Irish heritage. But it was open to the outcasts, often being the only place in town that would let the local rockers play their shows other than the punk house that was falling apart on the other side of town. Eddie finished off his smoke and threw the butt onto the cement, crushing it into the sidewalk with the toe of his combat boot before following the crowd inside. 

It wasn’t exactly busy inside the pub, but there was enough happening that he didn’t feel alone and that was exactly what Eddie was looking for. Some sort of spot to kill the time that felt familiar and safe. He also needed a fucking drink. He walked up to the bar and settled himself on one of the stools, his chains clinking against the metal on the side. He was wearing his leather jacket and it was hot as hell inside the bar, bodies moving and heat blowing, but he didn’t want to take it off. It wasn’t something he wanted to leave behind if he had to rush out of there in a hurry. Instead he settled for pulling his hair away from his face and neck, throwing it into a quick ponytail. He sighed, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as the air hit the skin that had been hiding under his curls and wasn’t really sure if it made a difference at all. 

“Hey, Eddie. Usual?” He opened his eyes at the familiar voice, seeing a young woman with a ginger pixie cut and facial piercings standing in front of him with her hands on her hips. He gave her a tight smile. 

“Uh, just a beer. Taking it easy, got somewhere to be later.” He said and the woman shrugged, walking over to the draught beer, already knowing that he wasn’t picky. Eddie wasn’t rich, he always drank whatever was on special when it came to beer. His usual concoction of cheap whiskey and cola was set to the side for the night. She threw a cardboard coaster down in front of him before placing the beer on top and stepping back, giving Eddie a small pout of concern. 

“You okay? Don’t usually see you alone.” Eddie took a deep breath through his nose while nodding at the same time. His senses filled with the scent of the run down pub. Alcohol, fryer oil, body odour that was never quite masked by various perfumes and deodorants. Creosote from the train travelling punks that had just walked in off the tracks. Something sour that reminded Eddie of the smell of fear. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to kill time here. He swallowed thickly. 

“Nah, I’m alright. Just waiting for Steve to get off at Blockbuster.” He spoke lightly and the bartender softened, used to seeing the two together. He forced himself to smile. “Thanks, Vickie.” She nodded, seemingly satisfied, and went to tend to the group of girls that had lined up on the other end of the bar, eyes smeared in dark shadows and hair dyed black and green that had faded. Eddie tried to relax in the barstool, smoothing his hand back and forth over his mouth. He was nervous, whatever. Lots of people get nervous. He reached forward and grabbed the beer, taking a long chug from it before grimacing from the sting of carbonation in his throat and placing it back down. He then dug into his jacket pocket to pull out his dinged up Nokia phone. It had been shiny and new at one point, he had saved up his cash from nefarious back alley dealings to buy it. But that had been ages ago and now the ringer wouldn’t even go to its full volume. He looked at the screen. Two texts and one voice mail. Eddie pressed his lips into a thin line, looking at the texts first. They were from Steve. 

off @ 9 then we go

stay safe <3

Eddie smiled. He wasn’t much of a text person, mostly just to give people addresses of where they should meet him for the goods or the show. Steve was though. He was the type that liked to stay in contact. Eddie messaged back slowly, the T9 system having always been hard on him. 

K will pick u up im always safe :p

Miss y-

He stopped and stared at the last part before deciding to clear it out and only send what he had before. He sighed before taking another drink of his beer, steeling himself to listen to the voicemail. It was unfortunately not from Steve. Instead it read from an unknown number although Eddie had a feeling he knew who it was from. Dialling into the phone, Eddie lifted it tentatively up to his ear to hear the message. 

"Yo, it's Johnny, man. Next time I fucking see you? You're fucking dead." 

It ended with a jarring noise, the sound of someone throwing the phone to the ground before the line was dead and a robotic voice came over the line stating it was the end of his messages. Eddie hung up the phone and tapped it on the bar a few times while biting his lip. He knew Johnny would figure it out eventually but the thought didn't comfort him at all. It didn’t matter anyway. Eddie would be gone before they ran into each other again. After a few moments he held the cell up again, holding the end call button until it blipped sadly and the screen faded to black as it turned off. There was a sort of relief in the idea that he would be left alone. Over the din of the bar, Eddie could pick up ticking that seemed to get louder and clearer as each click sounded out. A familiar noise that for some reason set his stomach into a fizz of anxiety. Tick. Tick. Tick. He looked up to the clock on the wall. It read 7:25. He only needed to make it an hour and a half. An hour and a half until Steve was done and they could leave this shithole behind them. 

Thank god. 

Eddie closed his eyes and brought the beer to his lips, savouring it now. He would need to take it easy tonight. There was a long dark road ahead of him. He smiled. As long as Steve was there, he could make it. They could pull off to the side after a few hours, maybe take a nap. Maybe find a 24 hour diner. Eat some greasy, shitty burgers. Laugh at each other’s dumb jokes. Listen to the CDs that Eddie had stocked in his van. The daydreams soothed his nerves slightly and Eddie took a deep breath. Only two and a half more hours, and he was on his way to heaven. 

__

September 19th, 2004

- One Year Ago -

Eddie was sitting in the driver's seat of his van, watching the cars pull up and drop off in front of the run down house that sat on the hill. The place was nestled in what was considered "downtown" in this shithole of a city. Apartments and other heritage looking houses surrounded the place that was a known hang out of delinquents and punks. The back yard had been awkwardly filled with a poorly put together skate ramp. Kids taking quick turns wiping out on it while others sat and shared bottles of liquor along the top cheering them on. There was a space left underneath the ramp that had been turned into a half assed camp out spot and someone was passed out in the dirty rotting sleeping bags that were tossed there. The noise was starting to rise as more people arrived. There was a punk show tonight; a band that had played with Corroded Coffin a couple month's back at Pogue’s. Eddie had connected with the lead singer, Johnny and although he was a piece of shit, he had a hell of a stage presence. He had invited Eddie to come see him at Little Big which is what the neighbourhood called the punk house. Shoot the shit, have a few drinks after. Eddie had reluctantly agreed, knowing Johnny's reputation. He was known to be impulsive to the point that he could be dangerous to be around. Gareth had called him an "actual spawn of Satan" to which, at the time, Eddie had shrugged and said that it sounded pretty hardcore.

A knock came on the passenger window and before Eddie could even look, the door swung open. Steve jumped up into the seat and shut the door loudly behind him, grinning at Eddie. Eddie winced and swatted at Steve’s shoulder gently. 

"I told you to take it easy on her! She's falling apart as it is!" 'She' being the old van that Eddie had managed to salvage from a friend's junk collection. Steve laughed and put his hands up defensively. 

"Sorry, sorry." He turned to pet the dash of the car. "Sorry, baby. So, you got the goods or are we doing this straight edge tonight?" Eddie rolled his eyes.

"Don't try to sound punk." 

"I thought you liked that I wanted to check it out! Come on, lemme play the part, look!" Steve lifted his foot up with his hands theatrically. "I'm wearing my Chucks! Also, these jeans are so tight I can't feel my junk." Eddie laughed and assessed Steve's outfit. He looked like an emo kid fresh out of 8th grade. He was right, the jeans were fuckin' skin tight. He was wearing a shirt that he had borrowed from Eddie one night to sleep in but never returned, a faded Metallica logo splayed over the front of it and seams ripping along the collar and sleeves. His black Converse high tops looked fresh out of the box, not a single scuff and the laces were a pristine white. Eddie looked back up to meet his eyes. Steve was looking hopefully back at him, a flush lay across his cheeks. 

"So? Do I look like I should be here?" He asked and Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Dude, you look like a fucking poser." Eddie mumbled and watched as Steve's face fell. 

"What?! I tried so hard!" Steve cried out, slumping in the seat. Eddie snorted.

"Yeah, that's the problem." He flicked at Steve's hair. "Like, all this? It looks perfect. Why does it always look perfect? That's not punk." Steve huffed and Eddie resisted the urge to smile. When Eddie had mentioned that he was going to the show tonight instead of their usual hang out, Steve had insisted on coming along. Since they had started to spend time together the year before, Steve had slowly started to show interest in Eddie’s music and personal life. Not that he didn't want Steve to listen to the same bands as him and be able to share interests. Eddie had always tried to keep him at arm's length from the rest of the scene. Steve was a prep, a pretty boy. His family had money, his dad was good friends with the police commissioner. His mom went to fancy charity dinners. Steve had even been on the news for saving a couple of kids from drowning in the lake a few years before. He didn't need to be caught up in the filth that was Eddie’s life. He was pristine, perfect, unscathed from the horrors of the shit show that was humanity. Eddie on the other hand… Well, he wasn't perfect. Steve didn't need to know that. 

As for tonight, Steve had finally put his foot down. He was coming, whether Eddie said he could or not. He wasn't a child, even though he whined like one. Eddie had finally conceded, deciding it was better if Steve was with him rather than wandering around on his own and sticking out like a sore thumb. Eddie stared at him now, trying to figure out how he was going to solve that exact problem. He didn't want any shitty elitists to pick a fight with his best friend. 

"Alright, alright. Gimme your shoes, c'mon." Eddie held out his hands, beckoning. Steve pressed his lips together in a thin line before bending over to untie them, passing them up to Eddie. Eddie pulled the laces out of their grommets and opened his car door, throwing them down onto the ground. Steve spluttered indignantly, leaving over the center console to watch him. 

"The fuck! I just bought those!" Steve cried and Eddie rolled his eyes. 

" Obviously . I'm helping, okay?" He jumped out onto the dirt, looking around to see if anyone was watching before grinding the white laces down into it with his heel. Eddie took the shoes and bent over, rubbing a little earth into the soles to take away the blinding pristine whiteness. Steve was making all sorts of annoyed noises and remarks behind him. Eddie picked up the laces and shook them out before jumping back up into his seat and shutting the door. Steve was sitting with his arms crossed now, pouting. 

"You ruined them." Eddie laughed. 

"You can wash them later." He re-laced the converse and passed them back to Steve to put on. "Don't tie them so tight." Steve made noises of displeased mimicry, the type you say behind a teacher's back and Eddie smiled. He was kind of loving the feeling of annoying his friend. He looked down at Steve’s fresh pants. 

"We should do something about those too. You're too clean to be a punk." He would get eaten alive and not in a good way. Eddie flushed and tried to push out the thought of what a good way to eat Steve alive would be. Part of keeping the other man out of the scene had half to do with protecting him from others, and mostly to do with protecting him from Eddie himself. Eddie cleared his throat and picked up an old can that had been doubling as an ashtray in the van and poured out some of the contents into his palm. Steve's eyes widened. 

"Oh, no, Eddie, don't fuckin-" Steve started to push himself back against the door but it was too late. Eddie had rubbed the ashes together between his palms and smacked them down onto Steve’s thighs, smoothing his hands up and down to push the mess into the fabric. Steve moaned with displeasure. "You biiiiiitch ." Eddie grinned mischievously. 

"I told you, I'm helping." He gestured to his own jeans for a moment before slapping his hand back down onto Steve’s leg and continuing to massage the ash into his pants. "You think these have been washed any time in the past month? Absolutely not. Respect the culture, Harrington." Steve grimaced, flushing as Eddie's hands travelled further up. 

"This isn't culture, it's disgusting." He muttered before the car door fell away from behind him, causing him to yelp before catching himself, hanging on the head of the seat. Eddie looked up to see Gareth's confused face. All three of them spoke at the same time. 

"Is this what I think it is?" 

"It's not what you think!"

"It is exactly what you think." Eddie said, perfectly overlapping the other two. He smiled at Gareth. "Steve looked too clean, I'm fixing it before we go in." Gareth blinked at him before looking at Steve appraisingly. 

"Right. Well, something needs to be done about the hair. Hold on." Gareth brought his hands up to his own face, scrubbing up and down, gathering any oils and grime. He reached over Steve’s flailing hands and protests to sink into the man's hair, smoothing his dirty hands through the locks. Steve groaned with such painful revulsion that Eddie just couldn't keep himself together anymore, falling into hysteric giggles.

"I hate you both… So much." Steve said lowly but Eddie was too busy cackling to really hear it. It worked a little. Steve looked a bit less perfect. Not much. There wasn't much you could really do about a guy that looked as good as Steve did all the time. Eddie took a deep calming breath.

"Alright. Let's hit it." Eddie said and Gareth grinned at Steve who was still pouting, arms crossed across his chest. Eddie jumped out of the car, noticing more and more people showing up and piling inside the house. It was gonna be a good show. As he walked around the van to meet the two on the other side, Gareth surprised him by meeting him at the back of the vehicle. He looked concerned and leaned back to look at Steve. 

"Hey, are you sure it's such a good idea to bring Steve to this show?" He whispered and Eddie wrinkled his nose. 

"What, The Hard Knocks? They aren't that bad, a little rough. I've heard worse." Eddie shrugged and scratched at his ear. Gareth rolled his eyes.

"I mean , is it a good idea to bring him around Johnny? That guy has a shitty rep, man. Steve sticks out like a sore thumb." Gareth put his hands on his hips and Eddie froze, looking past the boy to the house. Almost as if on a fateful cue, Johnny had just arrived with one of his bandmates, high fiving people as he passed. He truly embodied what you would expect a punk rock star would look like if you had watched SLC punk one too many times. Patch pants, bullet belt, chunky boots. His shirt was so torn it was barely hanging on to him. Chains hung off his waist and throat, and his hair was bleached and charged like some cheap Sid Vicious costume. If you looked at him right, he had a decent face, but he constantly wore a sneer. Chicks still went wild for the guy, some dudes did too. He had a certain reputation for managing to bag whoever he wanted to, whenever he wanted to. Eddie wasn't interested, his type being softer, more pleasant and distinctly brunette. He leaned over to see where Steve was at. The man was still fumbling with his shoes, his brow furrowed and concentrated on not making the laces too perfect. Eddie cleared his throat. 

"It's fine. Steve’s not stupid-"

"I beg to differ-"

"Watch it." Eddie murmured darkly. "He's not. Besides, he doesn't swing that way… I don't think." Eddie finished awkwardly and Gareth rolled his eyes. 

"Says you. I'll bet you five bucks that this is gonna end badly." Gareth grumbled and Eddie shrugged. He gathered his saliva and spat down into his own open palm before offering it to Gareth. 

"Five bucks is five bucks. Deal." Gareth spat in his own hand and clapped it into Eddie's before shaking it up and down. 

"Make it ten if something happens before midnight." 

"You have a gambling problem. Fine." Eddie finally let go of the handshake and wiped his palm on his jeans before continuing toward Steve. "Hey, come on. It's gonna start soon." Eddie called at his friend, who had just finished tying his lace. Steve looked up and ran a hand through his hair to push it back out of his face, beaming up at him. Like an angel. Eddie’s lungs would always pause at moments like these, as if his whole body and soul was stunned with that look. He reached inside his jacket, fumbling around before finding the bottle he was looking for. Steve's eyes widened. 

"I don't know how you manage to hide so much shit in that jacket." Eddie passed the fifth to Steve, shaking it and laughing. 

“My secret to keep. Go ahead, you can go first.” Steve stared at the bottle he was holding. He looked up at Eddie hopefully. 

“You don’t happen to have any chase in that thing?” He reached out with one hand to tug on Eddie’s jacket. Eddie blushed and shoved his hands into the outside pockets, searching. He made a gentle exclamation of ‘a-ha’ and pulled out a single mint stolen from a diner. Steve grimaced. He let go of Eddie’s leather with a sigh. “Alright, bottom’s up I guess.” Eddie grinned, watching the man unscrew the bottle cap and tilting it back for a swig. Gareth sauntered up, elbowing Eddie in the side and nodding over to the house. Johnny was watching them. Eddie threw a hand up to say hello, receiving a nod in response. The punk started making his way over to the three of them and for some reason his gait and hollowed cheeks made him look like a lion approaching a meal. Something about the man made Eddie distinctly uncomfortable. It was almost as if he had seen him before, like when you barely recognise some small actor in a show but you just can’t put your finger on where. Either way, Johnny didn’t seem to feel that way about Eddie. He went out of his way to talk to him whenever they were at the same place and went as far as booking a show with his band. He grinned as he approached them, lip ring sliding across his bottom teeth. 

“It’s rude not to share.” He cooed to Steve who had finished his shot and was now desperately trying not to gag. He stared wide eyed at Johnny, unsure how to respond. Johnny placed his hand over where Steve was holding the bottle of Jack at the neck. He pulled it up and took a smooth drink, holding Steve’s hand with him the whole time. Eddie’s stomach turned awkwardly watching it and he cleared his throat. 

“Hey, Johnny. Meet Steve. He’s my… He’s my friend.” He watched as Steve took the bottle back, eyes still locked with Johnny’s as the man smiled slyly. 

“Just a friend, Steve?” He asked and Steve flushed. Eddie stepped forward. 

“Let him breathe, jackass. When do you guys go on?” He tried to move the conversation into an easier area. Johnny finally looked at him, tilting his head. 

“Whenever I want to. I run this shit.” He stepped over to Eddie, pushing his shoulder gently. Eddie’s nerves jumped. Johnny bent over a little to bring his face a little closer to Eddie’s. “Glad you came. It’s gonna be a good show. You got any freebies?” Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“Hey, fucker. I don’t come to your job and ask you for free shit.” 

“I know you got something. Don’t make me shake you down in front of your boyfriend.” Johnny raised his eyebrows, giving Steve another sideways look. Eddie sighed. 

“Come on, man.” Eddie moaned. Johnny only moved in closer.

“You don’t wanna let me down, do yah, Eds? I’ll pay you back.” Eddie scoffed, knowing that line well. He huffed, reaching into his back pocket. When he pulled his hand back he was holding it out, offering a handshake. Johnny looked down at it and smiled, grabbing it and shaking. “Knew you were cool. I’ll see you after the show.” His hand slipped away, taking the small baggie that Eddie had pulled out with it, barely visible by passerby. He then turned to Steve one last time. 

"Come find me after the show, tell me how you like it. I always have time for a pretty face." He winked at Steve who scrunched his nose as he watched and furrowed his brow when Johnny turned to walk away. 

“Wow. What a fucking dick .” Steve murmured and Eddie nodded with a tight lipped smile before taking the bottle from Steve and taking a drink himself. Gareth shook his head. 

“He’s the lead singer for the Hard Knocks.” He looked at Eddie with curiosity. “I thought you weren’t gonna sell coke anymore.” Eddie sniffed, shuffling uncomfortably. Steve stared at him, obviously shocked. He knew that Eddie sold weed, and that was supposed to be where it stopped. Eddie was even ready to quit that. It had gotten too shady, his hook up had passed on a few extras a while back and Eddie found that it was attracting a worse crowd than he really wanted to deal with. Stoners were mostly chill. Cokeheads were fucking violent. He shook his head, passing the bottle to Gareth. 

“I’m not.” Gareth raised an eyebrow at him.

“Then what was that?” Eddie looked between his two friends. 

“Just a little something I prepped just in case some assholes wouldn’t leave me alone.” Gareth snorted and Steve’s eyes widened further.

“Are you going to kill him??” He said with shock and Eddie laughed loudly. 

“Not unless he’s allergic to Tylenol.” Steve looked concerned still and Eddie clicked his tongue. “Don’t worry. It was free to him. He’ll just think my supply is shit and maybe he’ll start leaving me alone about it.” Steve still didn’t look too convinced and took the bottle from Gareth. 

“... I didn’t know you sold coke.” He mumbled against the top of the bottle. Eddie took a deep breath and Gareth made an awkward noise while stepping back from them. 

“Eeeek. My bad. I’m gonna…” He pointed with both thumbs toward the house. Eddie mumbled the word coward under his breath as Gareth ran off toward the crowd. He took the bottle back from Steve, taking one last drink before capping it and tucking it back into his jacket. 

"I don't. Not anymore." This was another reason that Eddie hadn't wanted Steve to get too close to the scene. When they spent time together Eddie wasn't a drug dealer, he wasn't some piece of trash kid whose father was in jail while his mom died from an overdose before he could remember her face. He wasn't just a number in the foster system that had aged out none to gracefully, renting a room in a shithole slum apartment downtown. He could put all of that aside when he was with Steve. Listening to music, playing video games in his basement at his parent's house. Eating bagel bites and shooting the shit. Dancing around the feelings that hung in the air. Being with him was like a dream. He liked that Steve treated him like a person, not judging him for things he did, his past, his family, or how he acted at parties. That was easily torn away though, if Steve knew all these things. About the coke. About his dad. About how he felt in those lonely nights growing up. Steve needed to be protected from all that. As Eddie drifted through his thoughts, Steve brought him back down to earth with a grounding touch to his arm. 

"Good. I don't want you to get in too much trouble. It would suck if I had to visit you in a cell." Eddie flinched and laughed a little too loudly before putting an arm around Steve’s shoulder, dragging him toward the house. They walked past the half pipe and into the back door, pushing around the drunks and smokers lingering around. The door led into a kitchen that was filthy and in horrible disrepair, clearly no longer fit to actually cook in. It was the second floor and-

"Is there a fucking hole in the floor?" Steve hissed at Eddie and the metalhead glanced over at the gaping emptiness with little concern. It was big, dangerous. And you could see clearly down into the first floor of the house. 

"Yeah, watch for that. Fell through it once, people aren't super forgiving if you land on them." Eddie guided Steve around the space and further into the house. They made their way down some crowded stairs and into the open basement. The show was about to start, and Eddie spotted Johnny in the corner talking to his guitarist. The crowd forced Eddie and Steve close together and Eddie did his best to keep his face turned away from the other man. The close quarters were making it even more difficult to keep it together. In the back of Eddie’s mind was a little plan. A plan to tell Steve how he felt. That would all go to shit if he moved too fast, played too loose. He had wanted to get all his ducks in a row first, change his ways. Eddie wasn't ready. The lights turned off and the crowd started to murmur excitedly before the first scratchy squeals of the electric guitar came through the amp, distorted and blaringly loud. Johnny lit up on stage and started to scream out lyrics that you could barely make out, but the intensity was enough to get the crowd going. People started to move back and forth, jumping up and down, pushing each other while grinning and laughing. The room was thick with body heat and hot breath. Eddie was forced into Steve and he looked at him to make sure he was okay but found Steve grinning and pushing back. He was easily falling into the mosh and looking like he was thoroughly enjoying himself. Eddie flushed and smiled, pulling the whiskey from his jacket to take another swig and offering some to Steve who took it eagerly, drinking some before passing it back. He jumped into the crowd and Eddie watched gleefully. Maybe it was worth it to let Steve come just to see his excitement. Baby's first house show. He wished he had a camera. 

The rest of the set was fantastic. Even though the music wasn't really anything special in Eddie’s opinion. Crust punk wasn't exactly Eddie’s bag, but the Hard Knocks always seemed to get the audience going and the energy was contagious. At some point the alcohol in his system had finally loosened him up enough that he started to mosh, slamming into people and cackling, eventually finding Gareth in the crowd and bonking heads with him playfully, both of them forcing their way out to the side of the crowd to drink more whiskey together. Eddie lost track of Steve, too drunk to notice, and when the music ended he found himself outside on top of the half pipe, making an ass out of himself. 

"Steee-eeven Harrington!! Golden boy! Where are yooooou!" Eddie tiptoed around the people sitting along the top of the structure. One couple was making out and he tripped sloppily over the guy's knee. They looked up angrily at him and he laughed, flipping them the bird and stumbling onward. Gareth stood below him in the middle of the half pipe and yelled at him with a distinctly drunken slur. 

"Eddie, you sound like a loser, come down!" Gareth was laughing and beckoning for him and the people along the top nodded in agreement. Eddie snorted, his head floating in bleary inebriation. He surveyed the crowd filling the yard, trying to find his friend but having difficulty focusing.

"I don't care, I want Steve. I'm supposed to be taking care of him." He sounded like a child, petulant and whiny. Gareth rolled his eyes. 

"He's a big boy, he'll find his way back." Gareth called and Eddie grinned, repeating the words. 

"Big boy… big boy… that sounds right. Why does that sound right?" He needed to find Steve. He wanted to find him, hug him, and call him big boy. He wanted to tell him how happy he was to know him, what a great idea it was for him to come. He wanted to take him to the Denny's down the street and share a plate of fries before going back to his place and falling asleep together, drunkenly, perfectly. Eddie stepped forward, losing his footing and his stomach dropped out of him. The punks watching him cheered as he slid gracelessly down the half pipe. Eddie felt himself lose control and he rolled a few times, ending up pretzeled, ass over teakettle. He opened his eyes in a couple of frog-like blinks, staring through his own legs, Gareth bending over to peer at his face. 

"You're an idiot." He said shortly. He moved to help Eddie up but Eddie rolled over, scrambling to his hands and knees and staring past Gareth. He squinted.

Johnny was leaning into Steve against the fence. His hand was slipping into Steve’s hair and pushing it away from his face which was flushed, eyes lidded from drunkenness. He looked away from the punk bashfully, Eddie could see the tendons in his neck flexing. Was it discomfort, or was that maybe just what Eddie wanted to see? What Eddie wanted to believe. Steve’s eyes flickered across the yard and Johnny looked out over his shoulder as well, making eye contact with Eddie before grinning with a lascivious expression and winking at him. He slid his hand away from Steve's hair and gripped his chin, pushing it up so he could turn and capture his lips in a violent kiss. Eddie’s heart stopped. They were kissing. Johnny was kissing Steve. His Steve. His little poser. He waited. Watched. Come on, Steve. Don't want this, Steve. Eddie wished, he hoped Steve would push him away, give any sign he didn't like it, didn't want Johnny. But then Steve’s hands came up and gripped the front of Johnny's shirt, pulling him closer. Eddie couldn’t look away. He felt like his whole body had frozen, a small tap away from shattering. He felt suddenly, miserably sober.

"Tell me that isn't Steve…" Eddie choked out and Gareth put a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

"Ah, fuck. Sorry, buddy. I hate to say I told you so but…" He checked his watch before patting Eddie on the shoulder awkwardly. "You owe me ten bucks." 

"Get out of the way you fucking assholes, some people want to actually skate here!" Somebody yelled at them from the top of the half pipe and Gareth dragged Eddie off of the plywood into the yard. Eddie was in shock, letting himself get led around, stumbling as his world crumbled. 

"Gareth…" He whispered and his friend looked back at him sympathetically. 

"You gonna make it?" Eddie stared at him for a moment. 

"Is there… Is there anything else to drink?" Eddie mumbled and Gareth sighed, pulling a small bottle of rum from his back pocket, the whiskey being long gone. He passed it to Eddie.

"Have at 'er." Gareth said sadly and Eddie unscrewed the top and threw his head back, guzzling the amber liquid in an ill fated attempt of wiping the last five minutes from his brain. But it wouldn't work. He would have the image of Steve pulling Johnny in closer etched onto his brain forever. Painful and gut wrenching. A sin really. 

Envy. 

__

September 12th, 2005

- Two Days Ago -

Eddie sat on a stool next to the pool table at Pogue’s, his knee jumping up and down nervously. He was wringing his hands back and forth on the pool cue, wondering how he had even gotten himself into this situation, why he had agreed to the game. He didn't like pool. He barely understood it. There were stripes and solids, and an ominous 8 ball that meant everything. He didn't know how to count the points or direct the angles. He just knew that he was stuck here playing with Johnny, who was currently lining up a perfect shot. 

"I treated him really good, you know?" He moved the pool cue back and forth through his fingers, changing his angle a few times before hitting the ball with just the right amount of force to send it off the side of the table and into the corner pocket. Eddie knew this was bullshit. He knew that everything he was hearing was bullshit. Something he had learned about Johnny as he had spent more time with him was that he was full of lies and narcissism, smoothly altering the narrative to suit whatever made him look good. Johnny wasn't a good person. He didn't even try. He only ever did anything for his own pleasure, gain, or vengeance. Eddie would try to avoid him most times, but today he was trapped. He had been cornered in the pub while he had been mulling over his most recent life choices with the help of an amber coloured friend named Jack. Eddie nodded vaguely. 

"Sure. Like a king." He watched as Johnny sank another solid. The punk stood up straight, rubbing a hand in his hair to force it to stand up straight. 

"Fucking right I did. He was just a little poser, I showed him the whole scene. You remember?" Johnny babbled on, not caring to notice the discomfort that Eddie was clearly in. He shifted in his seat, finishing off his drink and mumbling into the leftover ice of the glass. 

"Yeah… I remember…" Eddie's voice was quiet. Johnny looked up at him, finally missing a shot. He stood up straight, chains clinking against his bullet belt as he walked over to Eddie. He picked up his own drink off of the table that was beside Eddie and took a swig. 

"Can't believe he would fucking do this to me." He looked over at Eddie. "Your turn." Eddie nodded, standing up and staring at the table, looking for an easy shot. His stomach was flipping over in constant somersaults. He tried to come across as nonchalant, uncaring. 

"Who even saw them anyway?" Eddie asked, not looking at Johnny and bending over the table, touching the felted top as if it was going to change anything with his shot. Johnny snorted. 

"Tommy. They were fucking on the couch in the Little Big basement. She must have been some dirty fucking whore if she took it there." Eddie's eyes widened. 

"Wait… Tommy said it was a girl?" Johnny glanced over at him, vicious deviance crossing over his expression. Eddie backtracked, stuttering. "I mean-... like did he see who she was or like… how does he know?" Johnny shrugged. 

"He didn't see her face but he said she was begging for it like a slut, had to have been a chick." Johnny said, spitting to the side onto the floor after, no respect for the establishment they were in. Eddie grimaced but Johnny clearly took it as a reaction to what he had said and not to his actions.

"I know. I thought Steve was a faggot for sure." The comment made Eddie’s blood boil almost instantly. 

"Well what the fuck does that make you?" Eddie snapped against his better judgement and Johnny was quiet. He narrowed his eyes before surprising Eddie with a laugh. He leaned over, hanging on to his pool cue for support and tilting his head to the side. 

"You think I'd ever let some little twink fuck me? Get fucked. Never. He asked once. You know what I did?" Johnny was grinning now, eyes twinkling with malice. Eddie didn't prompt him further, already feeling sick and angry. Johnny carried on anyway. "I fucking punched him. Never asked again. Guess he got tired of waiting to get his dick wet." Eddie wanted to scream. He clenched the pool cue so hard that he was sure it was going to break. The idea that Johnny had struck Steve was lighting fire inside of him. He wanted to break the pool cue and drive it into the man's eye socket. There was no world where Steve ever deserved to be treated like that. It was maddening. In Eddie’s mind he could hear his own conscience that sounded suspiciously like Steve. Take it easy. He tried to listen to it, to relax his body, his soul. Unfortunately his words still came out unsympathetic.

"I don't see why you're so upset. I mean, you cheat on him all the time." Eddie growled with his teeth clenched, finally taking a shot. He failed miserably. The cue ball sailed past his intended target and bounced off the side forcefully. Johnny tapped his finger on the table. 

"That's different. The people shouldn't be deprived of my greatness. One little shit could never hold me back from spreading my talents." Johnny said this without an ounce of sarcasm, a layer of darkness lacing between the consonants and clicks. He meant every word. Eddie took a deep breath. Sometimes he forgot how fucking psycho this guy really was. Johnny walked over to the table, dragging a finger along the wooden edge. "He's fucking thrown it in my face. It's disrespectful. He was lucky that I was keeping him around." Eddie felt the fear rising in him.

"... What are you going to do?" Eddie asked and Johnny sighed. 

"You wouldn't be happy if I fucked him up, would you." It wasn't a question but almost a test. Seeing how much he could get away with. He must have finally caught on to the way that Eddie was struggling to keep his cool. Eddie answered honestly. 

"No. I wouldn't." Johnny jerked the pool cue, sinking another ball.

"Guess I can't fuck around with that." 

"Guess not." Eddie agreed. The hairs on the back of his neck were tingling, goosebumps rising on his skin. Sometimes there was just something about the way Johnny spoke. Like it wasn't a joke. The man sighed, missing the next shot. 

"Too bad. If he had just fucked a dude I could have jumped the guy, taught him a lesson about messing with my property." Johnny walked back over to the table to finish his drink. Eddie walked around the pool game in tandem with the other man's movements, keeping an equal distance the whole time. 

"So you draw the line at beating up women?" Eddie asked sarcastically. Johnny snorted. 

"Mom said never to hit a bitch." 

"Were those her exact words?" Eddie grumbled and Johnny laughed again, pointing at him with the pool cue while holding his glass in the other hand. 

"See, this is why I like having you around, Munson. You're funny. You know, I know you're buds with Steve but-" he paused to finish his drink. "Ahh. I know you're on my side for this." The words snapped an already taut string that was just barely holding Eddie’s patience together. He dropped the pool cue on the table before grabbing the 8 ball and dragging it loudly across the green felt before dropping it into the side pocket. 

"Oops. I lost." Eddie said lightly and walked over to the coat hangers that were placed near the exit of the pool area. "See ya around, Johnny." Johnny didn't say a word, just smiled to himself as he watched Eddie walking away. Eddie slapped a bill on the bar, calling at Vickie to keep the change. He walked out the front doors into the night air, breathing it in deeply and trying to clear the thick miasma of whatever he had just experienced out of his body. He sighed, pulling a pack of smokes out of his pocket and putting one between his lips. Eddie had a zippo and flicked it open, raising the flame up to the cigarette before clicking it shut and taking a few puffs. He walked towards his van, legs moving quickly. After all of that he was in a rush to get out of the place. Once he unlocked the door and sat down in the driver's seat, he pulled out his old Nokia. He clicked a couple buttons, not having to look far. Steve was on the top of his message list. Eddie took a deep inhale of chemical filled smoke before typing into his phone. 

Call me. <3

Eddie clicked the send button, leaning back in the seat for a moment and decompressing, finishing the cigarette. His nerves were shot from the conversation he had just suffered through. Obviously he was not on Johnny's side. He would never be on Johnny's side. No matter the circumstances. Steve could have murdered someone. Eddie would still be on his side. He could dry up the seas, he could burn out the sun and Eddie would still be on his side. A partner in crime. The phone started to vibrate in his hand and Eddie smiled, closing his eyes. He pressed the answer button and brought the device to his ear with an easy calming breath. 

"Hey, baby."

__

March 25th, 2005

- Six Months Ago -

God, Eddie hated this place. 

The Max was a restaurant turned nightclub that their city seemed to let run lawless on the weekends. It was like the wild west but with drunk teenagers and pop music playing loudly. The owners had fixed the place up with colourful spotlights, strobes and a disco ball so making your way around the building was damn near impossible. There were two floors, the upstairs being a balcony that looked out over top of the "dance floor". The tables were all pushed to the walls and a DJ booth was revealed from a curtain that was drawn during the day like some strange take on the Wizard of Oz. Eddie was near the bathrooms, holding a beer and watching the crowd. He had come because Steve had asked him to. The way that Eddie was wrapped around his finger was infuriating to his bandmates. Gareth had called him whipped more than once. Eddie knew it was sad. From the moment they had met he knew that he was going to be there for Steve, no matter the circumstances. He'd follow him into the bottomless pit of endless water, into hell. Even if he wasn't asking. Even if he was dating a fucking asshole like Johnny. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, looking down at the tiny light it emitted and typing furiously into it. 

Where r u?? >:(

He pressed the send button harder than he meant to and shoved the cell back into his pocket. He was ignoring all the other texts that were coming through asking him for an eighth or a dime. Friday's were his busy nights. Everybody was looking to party or even just to wind down after a rough week. Eddie wasn't on shift right now. He was here for Steve. He pushed past a few giggly girls decked out in body glitter and mini skirts to lean against the wall and wait for a response but he overheard something in the drunken conversation they were having that piqued his interest. 

"Oh my god, did you see that Aleshia is hooking up with that punk guy in the bathroom?" 

"Ugh, barf." 

"Totally. He looks like that guy from the Offspring." 

"Tammie, don't tell me that you listen to that crap." The girl smacked her friend playfully on the shoulder. At that point they both seemed to realise that Eddie was listening to them, staring in their direction. He awkwardly raised a hand to wave at them and the two sneered. 'Tammie' jutted her hip out and put her hand up. 

"Take a picture, creep. It'll last longer." She snapped and Eddie pushed off of the wall, making his way into the bathrooms. 

"If I took a picture of you two cunts, my phone would shatter." He said shortly as he walked past them, hearing the two splutter indignantly as he entered the hallway leading into the men’s and women's rooms. There was a feeling in his gut, something that told him he knew exactly who was hooking up with Aleshia. He peered around the corner into the men's room, immediately seeing the two in the corner. Johnny had the woman up against the wall, sucking on her neck as she tilted her chin up to the sky, crying out scandalously. 

"Oh, Johnny!" Her voice was cliché and over the top. Johnny chuckled and lifted her leg up higher. Eddie could see that his pants were pulled down just enough to see the top of his ass peeking out. The girl's dress was hiked up high around her waist. It was clear what they were doing, her tiny underwear pushed to the side and hips grinding. Johnny's bullet belt was crashing with every movement and Eddie could see the discomfort on Aleshia's face. She broke her porn star character for just a moment. 

"Could you take your belt off-" 

"Shut up." Johnny hissed and lifted her higher, causing her to gasp. Eddie backed away, slinking out of the hallway. He was fuming. There had been rumours obviously, Johnny wasn't exactly hiding his indecency. But now here it was, plain as day for anyone to see. He was cheating on Steve. Just with some random floozy at the fucking Max of all places while Steve was here . He pulled his phone out of his pocket to see if he had gotten a response. The screen lit up and he read the text. 

At the bar. Come 2 me.

Eddie bit his lip. Should he tell Steve to come to the bathrooms? Should he show him exactly what he had been warning him about for months? Whenever the topic came up Steve had just brushed him off. It wasn't as if he didn't believe Eddie. It was more like he just didn't want to hear it. If he saw it, actually fucking saw it, then maybe Eddie could finally convince Steve how toxic his relationship with Johnny really was. Maybe he could get his friend back. Then what? Eddie flushed. On the other hand, he cared about Steve. The drive to reveal Johnny's horrible indiscretions were fuelled by Eddie’s desire to protect Steve from the bullshit of the world. It was much harder now that he was tied up with such a piece of shit boyfriend if you could even call him that. Eddie didn't really want to traumatise Steve with the image of the man drilling some bitch in a dirty bar bathroom. He sighed and shoved the phone back into his pocket, finishing his beer and leaving the bottle on an empty table as he made his way to meet Steve at the bar. He spotted him leaning against it, holding a drink and staring at his cell, a Motorola razr. He was flipping it open and shut anxiously. Eddie sidled up to him and put his hand on Steve’s wrist. He leaned in to talk into his friend's ear in order to be heard over the club music. 

"Hey, relax. I'm here." He felt Steve ease under his touch and wanted to pull him closer. Steve looked at him. 

"What took you so long??" He spoke loudly over the Gwen Stefani song that blared over the speakers. Eddie licked his lips, wondering how he should tell his friend what he saw. 

"I was… look, Steve. You gotta break up with Johnny, man." Steve rolled his eyes while taking a deep inhale. 

"Oh fuck, not this again." Steve said with exasperation, turning around to order something from the bartender. "Two shots of tequila, please!" He held his finger up in a peace sign to reiterate and the worker nodded, moving to grab the bottle off the speed rail. Eddie tightened his shoulders, pulling on Steve's shoulder now. 

"Seriously, Steve. I just saw him and… God, you deserve better!" He nearly yelled as Steve passed some cash to the bartender, taking the shots in return. He offered one to Eddie who shook his head. Steve shrugged and took both of the tequila shots in a quick succession, barely pulling a face. Over the past few months he had gotten much better at drinking. Eddie frowned. Steve wiped at his chin and slammed the shot glasses back down onto the bar, turning to face Eddie. 

"Look, I know, okay? I know. What do you want me to do?" Steve threw his hands in the air. "I wanted you to come here so we can have fun! Why do you always want to talk about fucking Johnny??" Eddie shook his head. 

"Well if you would just come with me you could see for yourself-" He pulled on Steve’s shirt but the man jerked it away. 

"No, I said, I know." Steve reiterated. His shoulders dropped and he ran a hand through his hair. It was messier than it used to be, cut into more of a shag. Eddie really took a look at him now. Steve looked so tired. There were circles under his eyes and the yellow fade of an old bruise on his cheek. The shirt he was wearing was wrinkled and messy, a nearly illegible band name dripping down the front in a messy attempt at a silk screen print. The jeans he wore were the ones he had worn to the show at Little Big that Eddie had soiled with ashes, but now they were torn in various spots and had chains hanging from his leather belt. The high tops were the same too but now sufficiently worn in. Steve looked the part now. It broke Eddie’s heart. He sniffed, looking back up into Steve's face. 

"Why won't you leave?" He asked and Steve looked up, eyes watery. 

"It's complicated." 

"It doesn't have to be. I could-"

"You can't. You just can't. Just leave it alone, Eddie. You're the one who introduced us in the first place, remember?" Steve spat and Eddie winced. He remembered. He regretted it every day. His eyes were burning and he fought back the urge to cry, his failures washing over him. He couldn't stop the frustration from forcing itself out of him.

"Yeah, I did, but I never told you to fuck him!" Eddie was yelling now. Steve stared at him, surprised at the outburst. "Maybe if you could have just waited for me then-... then all this shit wouldn't have happened!" Steve's face grew red and he clenched his fist. 

"Waited for you?? Waited?! How long was I fucking waiting for you to do anything??" Steve stepped into Eddie's face, nose nearly touching his own and the scent of cheap alcohol washing over his face. "You're just mad because you never made a fucking move! Now I'm with someone else and you can't stand it!" Eddie's cheeks burned. This was the first time that the tension between them had ever been put out into the real world. It was the total opposite of how Eddie had ever wanted it to come out. He had imagined sweet, quiet, heartfelt moments. Not drunken anger at a shitty nightclub. His eyes flickered between Steve and the bartender who was keeping an eye on them now.

"Fuck, that's not it! Can't you see how fucking toxic this is??" Eddie seethed, trying to bring the subject back to the real problem.

"So what, I just say fuck it? I just break up with Johnny and everything's fine??" Steve had tears streaming down his face now. "Sure, I'll just walk away and he'll just let me go, no problem. Right? Don't be fucking naive, Eddie." He pushed at Eddie’s chest with false intensity, his movements having no real force behind them. Eddie’s heart was shattering with the pain of that admission. It was the most honest that Steve had ever been about the inner workings of any reasoning why he continued to stay with Johnny even after every time he cheated, every time he embarrassed him, every time he left him stranded at a show. He had always had suspicions of Johnny's abuse. How far it really went was left to be seen. Eddie tried to deflect Steve’s pushes and attempted to calm him down. 

"Steve… Steve, let's just go home. Let's just-" 

"Fuck off. I should have never called you." 

"Come on, I'll get you some McDonald's, we can go to my place-" 

"I said fuck off!" Steve really pushed him this time, sending Eddie back into a couple patrons standing beside them. The bartender had now called security over, pointing at Eddie. Shit. Eddie straightened up, adjusting his leather jacket and eyeing the large man making his way towards them. He took a deep breath. 

"You know what, Steve? Call me when you sober up. I'm always gonna be here. No matter how much you hate me." He started to back up and Steve stared at him, regret shining in his teary eyes. 

"... Eddie… I’m sorry-" 

"Hey, you need to leave." The security guard finally reached them and Eddie put his hands in the air in a show of surrender. 

"I'm going." He said, backing up toward the exit. Steve watched him leave, hand twitching as if he wanted to reach out to him. Eddie turned around before he could. Tears finally started to rush down his cheeks and he wiped them away furiously before they had a chance to fall from his chin. As he walked out the door some jock looking guys rammed into his shoulder, knocking him off kilter. 

"Watch it, freak." The words echoed in Eddie’s brain and he glanced back at the man with his blond hair and broad shoulders wearing a letterman jacket. He looked familiar somehow and Eddie felt shivers run down his spine. He shook his head and continued out onto the street, staring up at the sky. 

"Well that was a fucking mistake." Eddie sighed into the open air, wiping his face again. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out slowly. He sobbed when he read the text. 

i wish it was u 

Eddie groaned, tossing his head back. He wished it had been him too. Now both of them were suffering. Just because Eddie couldn't get his shit together. Because Johnny kissed Steve that fateful night and not him. He put the phone back into his pocket without responding, knowing that Steve was too drunk, too gone to understand the true weight of what he said. Eddie started the slow walk home, back to his lonely room in the apartment he shared with people he never cared to know. Back to his shitty life without Steve, where he was just a number. Where he would always be. Just a loser. Just a freak. If he could go back in time, back to when they first met he would have done things differently. Back when he had the chance. 

__

June 13th, 2003

- Two Years Ago -

Eddie sat on the edge of the concrete ledge, dangling his legs over the water. When the river came up in the springtime it was like this, hard to reach the segment of structure where the pillars reached up, holding the bridge high and solid in the air. The sound of cars speeding over him was somehow comforting. At least someone had somewhere to go. Eddie was holding a joint between his fingers, resting his hand lazily on his knee. It was nearly sundown and the sunset was beautiful. Red, pink and blue created a cotton candy sky over the city and he smiled into the face of it. He may be jaded as fuck but even a sinner like Eddie could enjoy a good sunset. He registered the sound of falling gravel and splashes behind him and he started to stir, groaning quietly. It was likely some group of homeless folks looking for a shelter for the night. He turned to look, bringing the joint to his lips to inhale some of the drug. He was surprised to recognize the person who was trying to pull themself up onto the concrete island. Steve Harrington was pushing himself up, scraping his knee in the process. 

“Ah, fuck. I liked these jeans…” He mumbled to himself, not seeing Eddie sitting there. Eddie watched with amusement as Steve rolled onto the stone, inspecting the tear in the knee of the denim, a small amount of blood blooming around it. 

“Smooth moves.” Eddie chuckled and Steve startled, jumping up to see who was there. He relaxed a little when he saw who it was. 

“Oh. It’s you.” Eddie laughed at that. 

“Yeah, my name is Eddie. You know, if you care. I wouldn’t if I were you.” Eddie drawled, taking another toke. Steve crossed his arms. 

“Yeah I know who you are. I’m not an idiot. We had classes together.” 

“Before I dropped out.”

“... Yeah. Obviously.” Steve snorted. He took a few steps toward Eddie and stared down at him. “What are you doing here?” Eddie glanced up at him before gesturing around the space with an open palm. 

“What, does your family own the bridge too?” Eddie asked sarcastically. “Don’t mean to brag but trespassing isn’t exactly the worst thing on my record.” Steve scrunched his nose up. 

“How is that a brag?” He laughed and Eddie smiled. He was surprised at how easy going the guy was, half expecting him to tell Eddie to kick rocks. He looked back out at the sunset, still dancing in brilliant colours over the mountains. 

“I was just taking in the scenery. What about you? Not exactly the place you expect to find a local hero.” Eddie was referring to the fact that not too long before what would have been his scheduled graduation alongside Steve there had been an incident at the local beach. Two kids had been caught in an undertow, the river being unpredictable at that time of year. Steve had reportedly been walking past with his friends and saw the kids in trouble. He rushed into the water without hesitation, risking his own life to pull them back to shore. Steve even performed CPR on one who was close to death until the paramedics were able to take over. He was hailed a hero, local news outlets lapping up the story. Steve had been on the cover of the newspaper and the radio station played sound clips of his interview for weeks afterward. Eddie could hear his voice still. I did what anyone would do. Eddie had laughed as his metal friends mimicked the statement, making fun and pretending to save each other from the water. It didn’t seem as funny now that he was hanging around with the center of the joke. Steve sighed, moving his hands to his pockets. 

“I dunno. I was out for a walk. Decided to check it out down here. I didn’t think it was occupied.” He looked at Eddie’s hand and cocked his head. “Is that weed?” Eddie looked at the joint in feigned shock. 

“Oh my god, is it? Fuck, call the cops.” He teased and Steve grinned, shaking his head. 

“You’re fucking weird.” 

“Yeah, I’ve heard.” Eddie patted the concrete beside him. “Are you gonna sit down or just watch me like a narc?” Steve shrugged and lowered down, sitting next to Eddie, knee knocking against his. Eddie looked down, memorising the image of Steve’s scraped knee and ripped jeans next to his patched black denim. It was a nice picture. Something you’d see on some teenager’s myspace. He offered the joint over to Steve who took it tentatively. He looked at it before turning his eyes back up to Eddie’s curiously. 

“I’ve… never smoked before. It’s kinda weird to just smoke with some stranger under a bridge.” Eddie laughed at that. It was so innocent, so simple. It was addicting. He liked the idea of being someone’s first time. The last time he had met someone who had never smoked weed he had been 12 years old and the person was himself. 

“I mean… You know my name.” Steve held the joint still, not bringing it to his lips quite yet. He smiled to himself before lowering his hand. 

“Let’s not be strangers then. What’s your favourite colour?” Steve looked at him with such serious eyes that Eddie almost choked. 

“Excuse me?”

“C o l o u r. Your favourite one.” Steve reiterated slowly. “Are you too high already or something?” Eddie shook his head. 

“No.” Eddie hissed. “It’s just…” No one had really asked him what his favourite colour was. Not since elementary school at least. “It’s black.” He muttered. Steve grinned. 

“Should have guessed. I like blue.” He leaned forward to look past Eddie into the sunset. “But I mean, if you could bottle that it could be my favourite.” Eddie stared at Steve’s face. The colours were reflecting off of it, warmth and shadow equally beautiful. He had freckles that were spread over the slightly tanned skin and it was smooth, like velvet. His eyes were like a dark caramel, pools twinkling with the glitter of reflecting water around them. Eddie flushed. 

“Yeah… it could.” Steve’s eyes flickered to meet Eddie’s and Eddie coughed, looking away into the water. It wasn’t like it was the first time that he had noticed that a man was attractive. He had his fair share of experiences, good and bad. This was the first time where he had lost his breath though. Steve furrowed his brow. 

“You alright?” He asked and Eddie coughed again. 

“Sure, just… high. What’s your favourite band?” He changed the subject suddenly. If they were going to get to know each other, that was probably the best place to start. Eddie expected something country or maybe rap. Steve looked like an Eminem fan to be honest. Steve hummed and kicked his feet against the side of the stone causing some of the dust to come loose and speckle the water. 

“Blink 182 I guess. Right now.” Eddie grinned with a short laugh and Steve smiled back. “What! They’re good!” Eddie nodded, still giggling. 

“Yeah, yeah, they’re not terrible. I’m just surprised, that’s all.” Steve licked his lips, cheeks flushing. 

“I could keep surprising you. Officially, no longer strangers. Steve Harrington.” Steve put his unoccupied hand out to Eddie’s, looking for a handshake. “Putting in my application to be moved to acquaintance status.” Eddie looked down at his hand. 

“I mean, technically we already were acquaintances but…” He opened his own palm and spat into it, slapping it into Steve’s open hand before he could react. “Friends would be good too.” He held Steve’s hand firmly as he shook it up and down while the other man grimaced and gagged.

“Oh fucking YUCK, dude!” Steve exclaimed and Eddie finally let him go, laughing yet again. Steve wiped his hand on his thigh, spluttering. “That’s nasty!” Eddie pointed to the joint. 

“Gonna have to light that again.” Steve lifted it up and offered it back to Eddie who plucked it from his fingers carefully before pulling out his BIC and lighting it up, drawing on it at the same time before handing it back to Steve, smoothly letting the smoke plume from his lips. Steve watched him the whole time, staring at his lips, his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He didn’t look anywhere else as if trying to recreate the motion he had just seen and brought the joint to his own lips. As soon as he started to inhale Eddie snorted, knowing it was too much. Steve nearly immediately started to hack and cough. Eddie raised his hand to Steve’s back, smacking it a few times. After a minute of coughing Steve looked back up to Eddie with watery eyes. 

“Holy shit. You made it look so easy!” He wheezed and Eddie nodded knowingly. 

“Yeah, well. I’m a fucking dealer so it helps to look professional.” Steve looked at him strangely. 

“You sell?” Eddie cleared his throat nervously. Maybe that was too much information. 

“Y-yeah. I mean. It’s just weed.” He tried to downplay it. Steve shrugged, sensing his nervousness. 

“Do your parents know?” Eddie froze. He wasn’t about to tell Steve that his father was in jail for aggravated assault and battery, that his mother was dead, that he was going to have to move out of his foster housing in less than two weeks. 

“Uh… No. I guess they don’t.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. He doubted his father knew anything about him or even cared to and since his mom was six feet under she didn’t really know anything . Not anymore. He tried to turn the conversation to Steve. “What about you, do your parents know that you’re out trying drugs under a bridge?” Steve flushed and scowled. 

“They’d only care if it got on the news.” He muttered and Eddie nodded, taking another puff. He offered the joint to Steve again but the man declined. “Nah, I think I should let this mellow.” Eddie shrugged, but took his lead and put the joint out on the concrete. They sat together in silence for a little while, letting their knees touch comfortably and watching the final minutes of the sunset before darkness surrounded them. 

“So… you wanna go get something to eat?” Eddie finally asked and Steve hummed. 

“Denny’s?” 

“Fuck yeah. What’s your order?” Eddie asked while standing up, brushing the dust from his bottom. Steve followed suit. 

“Moons over my Hammy.” He responded and Eddie snorted. 

“You fucking would. ” Eddie said and Steve laughed, throwing his hands in the air. His eyes were distinctly more bloodshot than they had been ten minutes ago. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He asked and Eddie climbed over the edge of the concrete, stretching his leg out to find the boulder that he had used to cross the water in the first place. 

“Whatever you want it to, Harrington. You think I don’t know a fellow Hammy lover when I see one?” Steve was starting to laugh so hard that he was tearing up. Between the stupid conversation and the way Eddie was struggling it was creating a perfect storm of comedy in Steve’s stoned mind. 

“You’re gonna fucking fall, let me help you.” Steve reached his hand out and Eddie shook his head. 

“No, no, I got thi- AH!” Eddie lost his grip and Steve lunged forward, grabbing his hand. Unfortunately, Steve wasn’t holding on to anything either and he tumbled forward. The two collided, causing them to both jump into the shallow shoreline surrounding them. They stood in the water for a moment before Steve moaned. 

“My Nike’s …” The dejected way that he said it made Eddie burst out into hysterical laughter. Steve scowled at him, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the water and up the rocky hill towards the walking path above. “Laugh it up, buddy. We still gotta walk there with wet feet.” Eddie wiped tears from his eyes and followed behind Steve, squealing ‘ my Niiikeee’s ’ over and over again. Steve eventually started to giggle again and they exchanged casual banter for the rest of the walk to the restaurant. When they arrived with their feet soaking wet, sitting across from each other and eating their greasy sandwiches and shredded hash browns, they made a pact to do it again.

“It’s Friday the 13th, we should make this a tradition.” Steve said, mouth full as the munchies hit him full force. Eddie hummed, enjoying the show in front of him. 

“We could do it more often than that.” 

“Okay, that’s fine, but we definitely have to do it on Friday the 13th’s. How many of those even happen a year?” Steve was definitely feeling the buzz and Eddie laughed, tilting his head and resting it on his hand, his elbow on the table. 

“I have no idea. Not enough.” Eddie watched Steve pour an unhealthy amount of ketchup onto his potatoes, and smiled. His stomach flipped when Steve looked up and met his gaze, flushed cheeks and glazed eyes and ketchup lingering from a previous bite around his pink lips. He waved dumbly and Eddie snickered, waving back. Looking back, that was probably it. That was the moment that Eddie Munson truly fell in love. 

__

September 12th, 2005

- Two Days Ago -

“Hey, baby.” 

“You’re so embarrassing.” Eddie smiled at the phone. He could hear the grin in Steve’s voice too. He felt terrible that he was about to ruin it. 

“Look, you got a second?” He asked and Steve paused over the line before answering back. 

“Yeah, no one’s here except Fred. He’s doing inventory. Aren’t you low on minutes?” Eddie shook his head even though he knew Steve couldn’t see him. 

“No, you called me so it’s good. Besides, it’s after 7pm.” Eddie turned the ignition on the van, holding the phone between his shoulder and cheek. He wanted to get far away from Pogue’s, away from Johnny and his toxic bullshit. 

“Yeah, alright. What’s going on? Are you okay?” Steve started to sound nervous and Eddie clicked his tongue. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just at Pogue’s waiting for your shift to end… and I ran into Johnny.” Steve sucked in a breath and Eddie waited for a moment, letting it sink in.

“You talked?” He asked and Eddie sighed. 

“Yeah… actually, we played a game of pool.”

“ What. ” Steve nearly shouted and Eddie winced. He turned off a side street, making his way toward the parking lot of the strip mall that the Blockbuster that Steve worked at was located. 

“It wasn’t like I wanted to, he kind of cornered me!” Eddie muttered and Steve was quiet for a second on the other side of the line. “Steve?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Well… what happened?” He asked softly and Eddie came to a red light, leaning back in his seat and running a hand through his hair before grabbing the phone and switching it to the other ear. 

“Well, bad news, he definitely knows why you aren’t talking to him.” Steve made a sharp sounding squeak. 

“And you walked out of there alive?! ” Steve said in shock. Eddie laughed, putting his foot on the gas as the light turned green. 

“Oh, good news, he doesn’t know it was me. Tommy H. saw us. Remember how you said you think he needs glasses? You were right.” Eddie was smiling to himself at the memory of Tommy and Steve fighting in the basement at Little Big a few months before. Tommy swung at Steve, missing by a mile. Later that night Steve mused that the man needed to make an appointment for an eye exam with serious concern. 

“You’re shitting me. How many long curly haired brunette dudes do they think it could be?” Eddie flushed, making another turn. 

“Well… not many dudes… but if you bring chicks into the mix there’s a lot more options to choose from…” He trailed off, the memory of the sounds he was making when Steve was above him drifting to the forefront of his mind. He didn’t think he sounded that feminine but then again, Tommy was a fucking idiot. Steve slowly started to laugh. 

“Oh my god…” Steve giggled and Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Don’t fucking-”

“He thought you were a fucking girl ?!” 

“Steve, we should be counting our blessings here-”

“Tommy is a fucking dumbass. Oh my GOD!” Steve was in hysterics now and Eddie frowned because he couldn’t tell if it was from the mistake or pure relief. The two of them had been trying to stick together for the past week since Steve had decided to cut out Johnny. Both of them knew how insane he could be, they had heard the stories about his past relationships. Steve knew that he kept a switchblade in his boot. Eddie watched him nearly curb stomp a guy for fucking up the sound at a show. He wasn’t a stable person. Stable people don’t treat their boyfriends like shit. Stable people don’t punch someone they’re supposed to love. Eddie bit his lip. That was something to bring up to Steve at a different time. When he was ready to talk about the trauma that he was left with. He cleared his throat. 

“Anyway, besides me sounding like a chick… Johnny’s steamed. Maybe we should get you a taser or something…” Eddie scratched at his forearm, finally seeing the lights of the mall in the distance. “I mean obviously I want to keep picking you up but… A little extra protection couldn’t hurt.” He knew what he was saying sounded terrible, but he couldn’t think of anything worse than Steve getting caught off guard and getting hurt. 

“I could just dig out my old baseball bat and keep it under the counter here. Hammer a couple nails in for good measure, I think I saw that in a movie or something.” Eddie felt a sharp pain in his temple. Images flashed in his brain. A bat with nails, Steve with a grimace. He sucked a breath in through his teeth, swerving slightly on the road. A quick flash and it was over. 

“What the fuck…” Eddie muttered and Steve backtracked.

“Or a video game? I dunno, just seems easier to get than a taser.” Steve said sheepishly and Eddie pulled into the parking lot, driving into a space right in front of the video store. 

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, they can be tough to get but I know a guy. I’m outside, can you come talk?” He could see Steve through the window and watched as he turned to look through the glass. He waved and Eddie waved back. Steve nodded and put the phone on the receiver, yelling out into the store before heading around the counter and through the doors, rushing over to the van and jumping in the passenger seat. Eddie threw his phone down into the middle console, turning his body toward Steve. 

“Hey-” Steve sounded somewhat breathless, and Eddie mentally added it to the list of his favourite things. “Do you wanna just stick around til I’m off? Fred won’t care, I’m done in an hour.” Eddie stared at Steve, took in his face, his dumb blue polo shirt, his tousled hair. Despite the week they had, he looked like he had gotten more sleep. The bags were faded under his eyes and his skin looked brighter than it had from when they had met at The Max those months ago. Eddie hated thinking about that night. He hated thinking about a lot of things, a lot of mistakes that he had made in the last year. He reached over to grab Steve’s hand. 

“What if we go away? Get out of dodge, you know?” He spoke in nearly a whisper and Steve’s eyebrows knitted together, squeezing Eddie’s hand just as tightly. 

“Eddie… Where would we even go?” That wasn’t a no. Eddie shrugged, licking his lips. 

“I have an uncle in Hawkins. It’s like four hours from here. He called me last month and said I should come stay for a while.” That was true. He had reconnected with his Uncle Wayne a little over a year before. The initial conversation had revealed that he was Eddie’s mother’s brother. When Eddie was put into the system Wayne had just lost his wife to cancer, and he was still mourning the second loss of his sister, the first he cited as being when she had started her drug addiction. He couldn’t imagine taking care of a child at that point, he could barely take care of himself. Over the years he had regretted it, trying multiple times to check in on Eddie without any luck, the various government workers saying that Eddie had either moved to different housing or wasn’t available for contact as he was a minor. He had flown out after the first call, spending a day or two taking Eddie out for meals and buying him some new clothes. They had kept in contact ever since. He knew that Eddie was struggling in this city but he had refused to take Wayne’s offer. The thought of leaving Steve to deal with Johnny alone was unimaginable. Steve bit the inside of his cheek. 

“How long is ‘a while’?” Steve asked and Eddie raised his eyebrows. 

“However long we want. Fuck, if we like it we could move there. We could save up and move to New York. We could go to Canada, I don’t care.” He pulled Steve toward him, bringing his hand into his own lap. “I don’t care. If I’m with you, it doesn’t matter.” Steve looked down at their hands entwined. There was silence between them. Eddie started to pull away. 

“Sorry, forget it. That was stu-” 

“Two days.” Steve interrupted, looking up at Eddie. “Give me two days. I’ll tell Fred I’m leaving, pack some things. I’ll talk to my parents. I just need two days. Is that okay?” Eddie felt his body soar and a lump settled in his throat. This was a feeling that he could barely contain. Sadness, defeat, whatever. Those were easy. Happiness. That was one that was difficult, almost too much. It filled him roughly and suddenly as if a waterfall opened up within his heart. 

“Are… Are you serious?” Eddie choked out and Steve nodded, a strained laugh coming out from his throat. Eddie laughed too, letting go of his hands and grabbing Steve’s face instead. He pulled him in close, resting his forehead against Steve’s and closing his eyes, trying to prevent tears from forming and rolling down his face. “I’ll get it all set up, sweetheart. I’m gonna get us out of here. We’re gonna be country bumpkins and farm pumpkins or whatever the fuck.” Steve was laughing wetly, tears falling to his cheeks, lighting them up with the reflection of the street lamps in the parking lot.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna have to buy some overalls.” He said, pushing forward a little to rub his wet nose against Eddie’s. Eddie couldn’t contain himself. 

“Steve, I love you.” He said softly, opening his eyes to see Steve’s face. He was looking at his wide eyed and nervous. Steve pulled back a little, trying to see Eddie’s whole face. He lifted a hand to Eddie’s cheek. 

“I… shit.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat, laughing. “I love you too. I fucking… love you. Let’s get out of here. Fuck this city.” Eddie nodded, swallowing up the rest of Steve’s words, kissing him hard. They belonged together. He had known it for years and now it was going to be just him and Steve, finally. They were going to start a new life together in shitty little Hawkins, Indiana. He pulled back from Steve and held up his fingers in a peace sign. 

“Two days.” He said. 

“Two days.” Steve agreed. 

__

September 6th, 2005

- One Week Ago -

Eddie walked through the backyard of Little Big, spotting a few lingering bodies hanging out on the half pipe as well as a couple sleeping in the space beneath where the rotting sleeping bags covered the ground. He pulled a face, slightly grossed out by the thought. He wandered into the kitchen, looking down through the hole in the floor. He could see Steve, sitting on the couch in the empty space. It was nearly 3 am on a Tuesday so it wasn’t as if he expected it to be crowded. He knew a couple train punks would stay in the rooms when they travelled through town but otherwise the place was mostly deserted minus one or two punks patrolling occasionally to keep the homeless from pissing in a corner somewhere. Eddie crouched down, waving at the other man. 

“Hey, Harrington.” He called out and Steve looked up. He looked exhausted, and frowned at Eddie. 

“I wasn’t sure you were gonna come.” He responded and Eddie sighed. He almost hadn’t. Things had been strained between them since the night at The Max. They had crossed paths at shows, said their hello’s. Eddie rented movies at the Blockbuster and tried to ignore the fact that Steve was trying to cover another bruise on his face. One night at Little Big had been almost normal when Eddie had Steve’s back when he had almost gotten into a fight with Tommy H., the two of them drinking and reminiscing afterward. Time was slowly healing the rift between them. From there they hung out a few times, went to the Denny’s and got their Moons Over My Hammy. They pretended it never happened. Eddie wouldn’t say it was getting better. Things never got better. Just different. But tonight Steve had texted him and Eddie rolled over on his run down mattress at the sound of the chiming tone, ready to turn the thing off being that he had already resolved not to do any more deliveries that night. He looked at the screen and his heart fluttered. 

im ready if u r. @ littlebig. ill be waiting. 

Eddie had stared at it, taking apart every letter to try and figure it out. Steve was ready. Ready for what though? Ready to talk? Ready to smoke? Ready to be picked up? Eddie didn’t want to hold out hope that it would be anything too deep or meaningful. He considered leaving the text, pretending that he had slept through it. That had lasted approximately one single minute before Eddie groaned and threw the blanket off of himself, picking up his jeans off the floor and pulling them one, grumbling the whole time. 

“Mother fucking Steve Harrington, just thinks I’ll just come to him whenever he asks…” Eddie walked over to the mirror in his shitty little bathroom that he shared. He looked himself in the eye, pulling his hair back and assessing his appearance before sighing and putting his hands on the counter. “Well he’s fucking right. Fuck.” He turned on his heel, scooping his keys up off the dresser and heading out the door, trying to shut it quietly so as not to wake anyone. He had driven straight over to Little Big, not taking too long seeing that it was late. Traffic was nearly non-existent. Eddie sighed into the opening in the kitchen floor now, watching Steve tap his fingers on the couch anxiously. 

"Yeah, right. You knew I'd be here." He looked around the kitchen. "I'm coming down. Catch me." Eddie said plainly, as if he hadn't just threatened to jump off a ledge. Steve jerked his head toward him, jumping up from the couch. 

"You are not, take the stairs you maniac!" Steve said, still lining himself up with Eddie above him. Eddie shook his head and threw his legs over the side, watching for the jagged edges of the wood that had rotted and splintered. 

"Nah, no time. You're in distress. Ready?" 

"You're gonna hurt yourself!" Steve was grinning. "You're such a fuckin' weirdo!" Eddie shrugged. 

"Ready or not, here I come." He dropped down through the space and suddenly his head felt as if it was getting split open, a painful feeling of deja vu hitting him like a bus. He had done this before. Falling through time and space. Before he could grasp the memory, hold it tight, it was gone. He felt Steve’s hands wrap around him and they both crashed down to the floor together, Steve yelping loudly. 

"Christ, Eddie! Are you okay?" Steve scrambled over, looking the man up and down. "You looked like you were gonna pass out for a second!" Eddie swore as he sat up, rubbing his head. 

"Fuck. Yeah I'm fine… must have been some PTSD from the last time I fell through that thing." He half remembered when he was wasted one night and hadn't been careful. One wrong step and he was through it, landing right into the middle of the mosh. He had been limping for a week after that, and had bruises that lasted even longer. Steve helped Eddie to his feet and brushed him off, adjusting his leather as well. He turned his head to meet Eddie's eyes. 

"Good. I need you around." Steve said softly. "I'm really glad you came. Seriously." He tugged one last time on Eddie’s sleeve before letting go finally. Eddie took a deep breath. 

"Sure, Steve. You been drinking or something, you need a ride?" Steve shook his head. 

"Nah, I'm sober." Eddie cocked his head to the side. 

"You made the sober decision to sit on that couch?" Eddie asked incredulously and Steve looked back at the furniture. He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. 

"It's not so bad. Look, I wanna… I need to talk with you." He seemed hesitant, shifting his weight from side to side. "I wanted to apologise. For before." Eddie clicked his tongue. 

"Steve, you don't really have to-"

"Yeah, I do." Steve interrupted and Eddie sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

"No, I mean, I don't really wanna hear it. I still feel the same way, and if you want to stay with Johnny then I can't really do much about that. I'm not gonna apologise for saying that I want you to be happy, and I won't accept an apology that you don't really mean." The words fell out of Eddie's mouth and he hoped that it wasn't too obvious that he had been practising this exact conversation in his mind over and over again since the night that they had fought. Steve groaned, throwing his hands in the air. 

"God, can you just hear me out here?? I'm trying to fucking tell you something!" Steve said angrily. Eddie turned away. 

"Tell me then." He quipped and Steve put his hands on his hips. 

"You know how long I've been waiting here for Johnny?" He asked and Eddie rolled his eyes. 

"Oh for fuck sakes." Eddie threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "I dunno, an hour?" 

"Four. Four hours." Steve said quietly. Eddie looked back at him, watching how he stared at the floor, looking uncharacteristically pathetic. He sighed, dropping his hands to his sides. 

"That's fucking terrible." Eddie returned with a tone that matched Steve’s changing emotions perfectly. Steve looked at him through his lashes, barely tilting his head up. 

"You know how long it took you to get here from when I texted you?" Eddie flushed and crossed his arms. 

"... I don't know." 

"Twenty two minutes. In the middle of the night. You came in twenty two minutes ." Steve stepped toward him. "You know why?" Eddie laughed. 

"Fuck, tell me. You seem to have all the answers tonight." He said sardonically. Steve took another step, closing the gap between them by another couple inches. 

"Because that's what you do when you care about someone. When you love them." Steve let the words hang between them and Eddie looked at him sharply. He didn't know what to say. Of course he cared. Of course he loved him. Why else would he still be around? Why would he have let him make his own shitty decisions and terrible mistakes just to come around when he was in need? Because a long time ago he had heard a stupid little cliche and it had stuck with him. If you love something, let it go. But he had never truly let go. Not really. He stuck around to pick up the pieces. Because he thought there was more to letting love go and watching it get destroyed right before your very eyes. There was a follow through. There was comfort, care, and clean up. That was love. He cleared his throat. 

"Maybe it is. Maybe you should tell Johnny that.” Eddie said rough and low. Steve clicked his tongue. 

“This isn’t about him.” He hissed and Eddie stepped into Steve’s space, hands thrown out to the sides. 

“Yes it is! It’s been about him ever since you fucking kissed him that night!” The volume was rising. The tension. The pressure. Steve shook his head. 

“No, no, he kissed me , because you told him to!” Steve snarled, pressing a finger roughly into Eddie’s chest. Eddie stopped. 

“Wait… what did you say?” His expression started to change but the frustration had already been contagious, Steve’s emotions amplified. 

“Yeah, Johnny told me.” He spat. “I couldn’t understand it. But now… God, I was so sure that you… You know what, forget this. I guess I misunderstood. Again.” Steve tried to walk away toward the stairs but Eddie hooked strong fingers around the crook of his elbow, stopping him. He was confused, angry, and hopeful. What had Johnny said? What was the misunderstanding? He wanted to ask, but the words wouldn’t find their way out into reality. Eddie said all he knew how, like a reflex. 

“Steve… I would never…” They stood there, hanging in time. Eddie stared into Steve’s face, watching his carefully, taking in every clue. His cheeks were flushed pink, just like he remembered that day under the bridge. A flash of cotton candy colours crossed Eddie’s mind. Steve couldn’t look him in the eye. What was it? Embarrassment maybe, maybe he thought he had crossed a line. Eddie looked him up and down, pulling him closer. Memories flickered over his entire body like Christmas lights twinkling. Steve’s knee hitting his own. Steve pulling on his jacket, fixing his hair. Touching his face. Steve laughing, blushing, smiling. Steve looking into his eyes. Steve focused on him, only him. Maybe, Eddie thought, as he closed the gap between them, Steve had been his all along. He only had to make the jump. 

When Eddie’s lips crashed gently into Steve’s he didn’t expect every inch of his body to incinerate. He burned, head to toe. Flames licking and interweaving into his cells. He had wanted this since the moment they had met. Steve was still, frozen in place, the ice to melt the heat away. Eddie almost pulled back, almost second guessed himself, but Steve grabbed his jacket and drew him in close, deepening the kiss. Eddie sometimes thought of himself as a puppet; an intricate system of sinew and twine holding him tenuously together inside and forcing along his movements. In the second that Steve opened his mouth to slide plush lips against his own chapped ones, the sound that he made; soft and impatient, travelled into him and snapped every line that held Eddie together. He swooped forward, wrapping both arms around Steve’s waist, pulling him in and growling into the kiss. Steve held on to him tightly, matching the energy, and the two of them moved together, Eddie pressing Steve into the wall. Eddie pressed his tongue against Steve’s and a new heat sparked, lighting him again. He moved his hands across Steve’s body frantically, up to his neck, into his hair, pulling him in and tilting his face. They angled perfectly, slotting together wet and hungry. Steve was whining, desperately trying to keep up to all the pent up energy that Eddie was pouring into him. He pushed his hips into Eddie’s roughly, clearly looking to fill any space left between them. Eddie's hands were on either side of Steve's face and he tilted his head to the side, moving down to kiss and lick and bite and suck all that smooth skin that he had coveted for years. 

"Fuck, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie… " Steve repeated his name over and over, like a prayer or a chorus of angels. Eddie tucked his nose under Steve’s ear, inhaling deeply, unsure in that second whether or not this was a dream. 

“I have wanted to do this from the moment we met. I have wanted you from the fucking moment- ” Steve tilted his head downward to capture Eddie’s words in another kiss, then another. He pulled back only slightly to whisper against his lips. 

“I know, You don’t have to- I know.” Eddie choked on Steve’s words, the sound coming out like a sob. They would figure it out later. It would all align, it would be alright. Right now, he wanted everything that he had been missing out on. He slammed Steve back against the wall and kissed him with newly ignited fire and Steve moaned into it, pressing back, pulling them together. He pushed his hands under Eddie’s tattered Metallica shirt, feeling his skin and exploring like he had been dying to know every path, every inch for just as long as Eddie had. The touch drew Eddie in and it was what he needed to do the same to Steve, a shiver of excitement running through his veins as he danced along the top of Steve’s jeans, feeling the jut of his hip bones, dragging along until he felt the tufts of hair leading down under the fabric. 

“ Fuck , Steve… Is this okay, we’re kinda-” He wanted to say out in the open, risking a whole hell of a lot. Steve had already started to nod and push him toward the couch, the two of them falling down onto it once the back of Eddie’s knees hit the cushions and buckled. 

“Yeah, it’s okay, it’s okay, fuck, Eddie I don’t want to stop…” Steve straddled the man and pushed his shoulders back, attacking his throat and pushing his shirt up further, moving his hands down to work on his belt buckle. Eddie moaned, his jeans feeling tight and every little motion, every feather light touch was making it worse. He didn’t want to stop either. It felt like the first meal after starving and the way that Steve was devouring every touch told him that the feeling was mutual. He gasped as Steve sunk his teeth into soft flesh and started to unbutton his pants, belt done away with. His hips jumped up, trying to meet the touch.

“God, Steve. I don’t… I don’t want to stop either.” He leaned into Steve to speak into his ear. “I want to feel you, can I touch you, can I-” 

“Fuck, Eddie, you can have anything you want.” Steve breathed and Eddie immediately started to work fervently on the other man’s jeans. The two of them were panting together, breathing in the excitement. Steve lifted his hips slightly and Eddie pulled on the denim, dragging the fabric down over his hips, taking the boxers with them. Steve sucked a sharp breath in through his teeth at the over stimulation from the sliding friction of the fabric and sudden open air around him. Eddie looked down between them, taking in the sight of Steve’s cock bobbing between them. He swallowed thickly before looking back up into Steve’s caramel eyes and dragging him in for another kiss, filthier than before. He fumbled with his other hand to pull himself out of his jeans. He lifted his hips, taking Steve up with him and the man gasped, a sound that Eddie revelled in. He pulled his own pants down and fell back onto the old couch and it creaked under their weight. As they landed, Eddie went to reach between them, raising his legs slightly to cause Steve to slide closer to them. He took both of their cocks in his hand and started to pump them slowly together. Steve threw his head up and moaned softly, the feeling almost too much. 

“Oh, holy shit, yes …” He croaked and both of them were raising their hips into the friction, up and down. Eddie looked up to watch Steve’s face, eyes closed now in ecstasy, biting his lip and cheeks flushed. It was pure glory, heaven. Salvation. The feeling was almost too much and the feeling of his rough skin against Steve’s velvety smoothness needed something. Almost as if Steve read his mind he leaned forward and dipped his head, letting a long line of saliva drip from his mouth onto both of them, easing the movement, wet and dirty. Steve looked up to Eddie, eyes lidded and cloudy with lust. He smiled almost lazily. 

“There, you like that?” Eddie’s cock twitched and he whimpered, nodding his head. Of course he fucking liked it. He fucking loved it. Steve was taking him apart, slowly and deliciously with the smallest things. Eddie started to babble, feeling that familiar coiling of pressure building deep inside him. 

“I like it, oh fuck you are so fucking hot… Steve, I wanna feel you, I wanna-” Eddie closed his eyes and took a breath, interrupted by a particularly smooth movement of Steve’s cock against his own, the heat almost taking him out. “Fuck, I want you to fuck me!” Steve slowed down, staring down at Eddie. 

“What?” He said breathlessly and Eddie flushed, suddenly feeling self conscious. 

“Shit, I’m sorry was that-” Steve bucked his hips, effectively cutting off the thought. 

“No, no, I want to! Fuck, I want to. Eddie, God you are killing me. I wanna fuck you, I wanna make you feel so good, baby. Come on, come here.” Steve sounded so excited like he had been dying for this moment his whole life, crossing days of the calendar. He gripped Eddie’s shirt and dragged him forward, kissing Eddie again before guiding him to lay down on the couch. “Try to relax, okay? I want you to feel good, I want to take it easy.” Steve cooed into his ear, before sliding his jeans down further. Eddie growled and grabbed his wrist and looked Steve in the eye. 

“Steve… Don’t hold back.” Eddie had been waiting for this for too long, begging the stars for too many nights for this exact moment. Steve’s eyes darkened and he licked his lips, scanning Eddie up and down hungrily. 

“Fuck… okay, yeah.” Steve huffed and pulled Eddie’s jeans down to his combat boots before settling between his legs. He put his long fingers up to Eddie’s lips, pressing gently. “Suck.” Eddie opened his mouth and closed his eyes, letting his tongue trail across Steve’s skin, tasting the salt and flesh. He moaned and grabbed Steve's wrist, pushing his fingers deeper into his mouth, covering them in his spit. Steve watched him with heavy breaths, cock twitching between them. 

“Jesus… okay, fuck you’re gonna make me cum just from that…” Steve pulled his hand away and his fingers came out of Eddie’s mouth with a small pop from the suction. Steve leaned over and lowered his saliva slick hand down and Eddie watched in trembling anticipation. He jolted slightly when he felt Steve’s fingers press against him, his other hand encircling his cock and pumping him slowly. He gasped, pressing his hips down, too eager to have Steve push into him. It was driving him insane. 

“Steve, please, I want- God, I want you so bad.” He knew he was whining, his voice pitched up in his excitement and Steve watched him in awe. He pushed one finger into Eddie, achingly slow, causing him to keen. It stung, but only slightly, the pain only adding to the feeling for Eddie. “More, I can take it. More.” He was begging now and Steve moaned. 

“I don’t want to hurt you…” Steve whispered and Eddie nudged himself down on his fingers impatiently. 

“You won’t. I promise. You won’t, just… please…” Eddie pleaded and Steve nodded, leaning forward to place a soft quick kiss on Eddie’s cheek before pulling his finger out and pushing back in, over and over. Eddie threw his head back, high pitched moans escaping him. Steve added another finger, stretching and moving slowly again and Eddie tried again to force his fingers deeper. 

“You’re driving me fucking crazy …” Steve muttered “I don’t think I can wait anymore… Can I?” Eddie nodded furiously and bucked his hips again for good measure. Steve bit his lip and pulled his fingers back, spitting into his hand and slicking his own cock before realigning himself with Eddie’s body. Eddie gasped as he felt the wet hot head of Steve’s member gliding over his hole. He gripped Steve’s shirt, pulling on it hard. He looked Steve in the eyes, a brief moment of complete clarity. 

“Fuck me, Harrington.” He growled and that was all Steve needed. His eye’s fluttered and he pressed slowly into Eddie breathing out slowly as he did, just barely keeping it together. Eddie was the opposite, crying out and smiling with the pleasure of finally being filled up with his love. Steve let out a small laugh and his hips stuttered, trying to move slowly in. 

“Oh my god, you sound like such a slut right now, keep it down!” Steve pressed his hips forward finally bottoming out and making a low noise of pleasure. Eddie lifted his hips, trying to adjust and grabbed his own cock again, moving his hand up and down. 

“I’m trying, I’m trying. Keep going, come on, you feel so fucking good.” Eddie babbled and Steve nodded, smiling. He pulled back a little, thrusting back in too soon. Eddie cried out again. Steve made a strangled noise. 

“If you keep doing that I’m not gonna last…” Eddie smiled, loving every second. Loving that he was making Steve feel as good as he felt. Loving the feeling of being filled up by him. Loving. Just loving. Steve started to find a rhythm moving his hips in and out and making sinful noises. Eddie was torn between closing his eyes and living in the heaven he had found or watching Steve’s face of broken pleasure as he fucked him. He moved his knee slightly, changing the angle of his thrust and Eddie suddenly saw only stars. He moaned loudly, bucking up into his own hand again. 

“Oh fuck, oh holy shit! Right there, Steve, again!” 

“Yeah, you like that?” 

“It’s amazing, you’re amazing.” Eddie breathed and Steve lined up again, thrusting harder this time and hitting Eddie’s spot, making him cry out again. He was leaking pre cum and he could feel his orgasm building. Steve was losing control too, he hit it again, again, fucking Eddie fast and hard. 

“Eddie, fuck I’m gonna cum, you feel too good…”

“Me too, Steve, oh god, I wanna cum with you…” The two of them were in their own world, the fact that they were in that shitty basement on the creaking couch meant nothing anymore and Steve and Eddie were one, just as they had been meant to be. Eddie pumped his hand, slick with pre cum and finally he fell over the edge of oblivion, Steve falling with him. He felt Steve stutter and twitch, filling him up as he came hard in between them, milky liquid pouring over his rings and knuckles. Eddie had never felt anything like it, he had never cum so hard in his life. Euphoria engulfed him and he barely registered Steve pulling out and lowering his weight onto him. The two lay there in bliss, filthy and in a state of rapture. Steve pressed small kisses onto Eddie’s chin, cheek, and neck. 

“Eddie… we gotta go…” He whispered and Eddie nodded. 

“Yup.” He didn’t move. Couldn’t move. Steve chuckled, pushing himself off of the man.  He was locked in between Eddie’s thighs, Eddie’s feet hooked behind him and tied by his jeans hanging around his boots. He looked between them and wrinkled his nose. 

“Oh. You’re a mess.” Eddie smiled with his eyes closed. 

“Thanks. Just got it done.” He said lightly, still too caught up with what just happened. Steve snorted. 

“Eddie. Seriously. We gotta go, someone’s gonna see.” Steve’s voice had a slight edge to it now, the spell of lust starting to wear off. Eddie opened an eye, looking at him. 

“... Fine.” He sat up, lifting his hand and wiping it on the couch cushion, likely not having been the first to do it. He looked up to Steve who had climbed out of their pretzel and was on his feet now, looking around the floor and finding his hoodie which he must have discarded before Eddie had arrived. He threw it over to Eddie before shimmying his pants up and buttoning them. Eddie watched him nervously. 

"Steve?" He asked, grabbing the hoodie and wiping himself haphazardly before working to pull up his own pants. He grimaced at the cold wet feeling of cum sliding down his thigh into his jeans. Steve glanced at him, looking anxious. 

"What?" He responded sharply, half watching the ceiling where you could see into the kitchen. Eddie bit his lip, standing up and buckling his belt. 

"Are… we okay?" Eddie was used to one night stands. He wasn't a virgin. He didn't usually beg them to fuck him, whining and pleading. He honestly hadn't fucked anyone since before he met Steve. Any time he had gotten close to anything intimate with whatever stranger he met Steve had popped into his mind, that dumb picture of him at Denny’s with that ketchup at the edge of his mouth. He just couldn’t go through with it after thinking of Steve and slowly he had stopped trying. Now he was scared. He didn’t want this to be some sort of one and done thing, some mistake for Steve. He should have thought it through more, but he was ruled by basic instinct. Steve stopped and looked at Eddie with wide eyes that softened when he saw the man's expression. He walked over to him and grabbed his arm. 

“I’m not done with you, Munson. I’d just rather that we didn’t get our asses kicked before we have a chance to figure things out.” He leaned in and kissed Eddie’s cheek softly. “Let’s get out of here. Actually… let’s never come back.” He whispered shakily and Eddie nodded quickly. 

“Never.” Eddie agreed and the two of them crept up the stairs and out the kitchen, dodging the hole in the floor and tiptoeing around the people sleeping in the backyard. They got into Eddie’s van and as the engine roared to life, Steve read out the time that lit up on the dash. 

“Jesus, it’s nearly five in the morning.” He griped. Eddie laughed, pulling out of the gravel parking spot. He looked at Little Big one last time. Steve was right. He never wanted to see that god forsaken house again. It was filled with memories, selling drugs, fighting people, screaming indiscretions at undeserving bystanders. Johnny and his lies. He looked to Steve who was already watching him. Steve flushed. “I guess we have a lot to talk about, hey?” Eddie shrugged, pulling out onto the street. 

“We’ve got time. I’m not going anywhere.” Eddie said softly and Steve hummed. He looked out the front window before bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

“Fuck… What am I gonna do about Johnny… He’s gonna kill me.” He moaned softly. Eddie snorted and followed the familiar direction back to where Steve lived. 

“He’ll have to kill me first.”

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September 14th, 2005

- Ten Minutes Ago -

Eddie finished the end of his second beer, checking the clock once again. The hands finally read 8:45 p.m. and Eddie was eager to pay his bill and go to Steve. They were finally out of this shitty little town. He had called Wayne the day before and he had been happy to put the two of them up for while they got things figured out. He had told him that Hawkins was small but it had an arcade, a video store, a bar. The essentials. He seemed excited to be able to finally help Eddie out after so many years. Eddie had laughed on the phone, not voicing the relationship that Steve and him had but Wayne seemed to have figured it out anyway. He was happy for him. Eddie was happy too, for the first time in what seemed like ever. He couldn’t remember a time where he truly had felt that the pieces had fallen into place for him. He waved Vickie over, pointing at the empty glass and mouthing the word ‘bill’ and she smiled and nodded, putting a finger up motioning that she would be a minute. He grinned lopsidedly and reached into his pocket to pull out his cellphone, holding the send button until the screen lit up with the Nokia emblem. Vickie sidled up in front of him holding a small receipt. 

“You’re in a good mood now. Steve got a surprise for you or something?” She asked playfully and Eddie shrugged, a coy look on his face. 

“Or something. What do I owe you?” He felt the phone buzz once, twice, three times in his hand and he made a face. It was unusual for him to be so popular having told most of his regulars that he was taking some time off. He looked down at the screen and he felt suddenly nauseous. 

“$9.50… Hey, are you alright??” Vickie sounded concerned and Eddie just stared at the notifications on his phone. Three missed calls from Blockbuster, one from Steve only from five minutes ago. Texts were still pouring in. His heartbeat pounded in his ears and he vaguely registered the sound of shouts and crashing at the pub door. 

he knows

eddie r u at pogues???

eddie answer me 

he came n talked 2 fred, he told him we were kissing in the van

eddie answer ur fuckin phone!!!

In that moment, Eddie stupidly wished that he wasn’t so predictable. He wished he didn’t spend so many nights at that shitty bar. He wished his van wasn’t so recognisable, rust eating up the wheel wells and Motorhead stickers peeling off the back. He wished he had made better friends with Fred so he could have curbed his accidental betrayal. He heard someone call his name and a chair clattering to the ground. 

“Munson! There you are, buddy !” Eddie turned around to see Johnny grinning like a maniac, Tommy H. standing behind him with his arms crossed. Eddie swallowed, eyes darting around to the emergency exit near the pool table. If he could get past him, slide around the corner of the bar, he could maybe make it out the back. Make it to the van. The fluorescent exit sign called to him like a light at the end of the tunnel. Johnny put one hand in his pocket and used the other to point at Eddie, laughing while he bobbed his finger up and down. 

“You know what? I heard the funniest thing from Fred. I stopped by to see my man, you know? Steve? He was hiding of course, but you knew he would be. Remember? We talked about that the other day, right here. Like fucking comrades.” He spat the last part out, smacking his hand down on the table beside him loudly. The other patrons of the bar had all stopped to watch the show now, Vickie looked nervous behind the bar. Eddie turned to her quickly. 

“Vickie, call the cop-” 

“Hey, it’s fucking rude to ignore someone when they’re fucking talking to you, Munson!” Johnny grabbed the side of the table and flexed his arm, toppling the flimsy thing over with a crash. Eddie startled, standing up quickly from his stool. 

“Johnny, just fucking calm down for a min-” Johnny shushed him loudly, spittle flying from his mouth. It was no use, he was too full of prideful rage. Another sin. Eddie knew that one. 

“ Don’t . Fucking tell me what to do. I wasn’t finished my fucking story.” He wasn’t yelling but somehow it was worse. He took another step forward toward Eddie. “Anyway, I said to Fred, I’m here to see my boyfriend. You know what he said?” Eddie just stared at him. Johnny jutted his chin out, eyes wide and crazy. 

“Ask me what he said you fucking faggot!” Johnny spoke jovially this time, a deeply unnerving tone in juxtaposition to the situation.  Eddie took a step to the side, moving along the bar. How much further to the exit? Maybe twenty feet? He took another small step. Nineteen now. Johnny laughed rolling his eyes. “Fine, I’ll tell you since you wanna know so bad. He said, ‘No, Eddie’s his boyfriend, I saw them kissing the other night!’ Isn’t that fucking hysterical?” He started walking forward again and Eddie made another step toward the fire exit. 

“Maybe he was mistaken.” Eddie said softly. Johnny threw his hands in the air. 

“You know, I said the same thing! But he seemed pretty fucking sure it was you, Eddie Munson with the long hair. He begged for his little life about it; promised me that it was you!” Johnny sighed. “So, I decided to call my friend Tommy to come help me out. You know how he heard that chick? Well, we’re gonna do a comparison. See if Cinder-eddie fits the glass slipper.” He cracked his knuckles. 

“Now get over here so I can make you scream.” Johnny said darkly, his expression turning black and wicked. Eddie finally bolted for the door, out of time to inch over. He heard Johnny yell wordlessly behind him and his hip smashed into a table painfully losing Eddie precious seconds. He had to get out of that pub, he had to get to Steve. He had to get to Hawkins and live his life. He fucking had to. His fingertips grazed the edge of the metal door handle but hope dropped out of his stomach when he was pulled back roughly, a hand grabbing the back of his ponytail that he had tied it into earlier that night. He sailed backward, losing his balance and landing on the ground painfully, air rushing out of his lungs. His vision shook, in and out of focus. Before he could push himself up, Johnny was on top of him, fists slamming into Eddie’s face with furious speed and pressure. His rings cut and tore at the pale skin of his cheeks. Eddie felt the back of his skull bounce against the concrete, reverberating in his ears before he was met with another fist. He felt his nose bend, bend, bend. Crunch . He could barely open his eyes now. Coppery liquid was starting to pour into his throat and he choked pitifully. 

“Eddie! Johnny, get off of him!”

 Eddie’s mind buzzed. That was Steve. His angel. His salvation. He must have come here when Eddie didn't respond to his calls. Eddie lolled his head to the side, blearily trying to open his eyes. Just one more look. Grace me with his face one more time. He tried to cough, but the blood curdled in his throat, falling into his windpipe. He couldn’t breathe. What a cruel fate to drown in your own blood and choices. The crowd was yelling, gasping. He could hear Steve coming closer. No, stay back. Let me take it. I’ll take it. 

“Johnny, you’re gonna fucking kill him!” He could hear Johnny respond. 

“What’s that? You want me to kill him? Anything for you, baby !” Johnny was so deep into his fury filled madness, so far gone. The crowd made noises of horror when he pulled the switchblade from his boot and plunged it into Eddie’s abdomen. Eddie was beyond pain at that point, slowly fading from lack of oxygen. He looked down to where Johnny had stuck him. I deserve this. Something about penance and paying for your sins came to mind. Lust, envy, gluttony, pride. Eddie needed to pay for it all. Steve was screaming. 

“Eddie!! EDDIE!!” Someone was holding him back. Eddie could barely see him. He laughed but it came out gargled and rough. How fitting for him to go like this again. Again? Eddie’s eyes rolled back into his skull and he didn’t fight as he felt the metal plunge into him again and twist. Like a bite. A bite? Yes, a bite. The bite of steel into his guts. Eddie tried to laugh again. It was kind of funny to be having deja vu at a time like this, wasn’t it? He heard Steve’s gentle sobs and finally the weight was off of him and he felt like gravity failed to exist. He was floating. The lights went out in the bar. The lights went out in the world. Eddie sighed, a drawn out thing loaded with finality as he drifted into the sky.

__