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Nothing
Absolutely nothing is surrounding Kit.
She feels nothing, sees nothing, she just exists.
It‘s a pleasant thing. you know? Not being surrounded by all the worry, not being surrounded by all the surrow and cries that happen to seep through to her ears. Just- nothing.
All is nothing and nothing is well until said nothingness suddenly began to feel like something.
It‘s like a switch was flipped and nothing turned to a boiling hotness. Boiling to the point where her skin starts curling in on itself.
Her body restricted and unable to move, not a single muscle can be pulled or stretched. Her lungs unable to expand. Kit started to panic. She can‘t breathe-
She can’t move-
Her body is burning alive-
She wants- No, needs, to scream, to cry to just ask, plea, beg for help-
She needs to fucking breathe-
„Kit..“ blurry sounds come through the violent, ill feeling.
„Kit! Come on.“
Kit wakes up, abruptly, violently. She sits up, panting as if sparing for three days straight. Her eyes can’t seem to focus on anything and her stomach decided to suddenly hate what Kit ate the evening before.
She started heaving but easily collected herself again. She didn’t realize anything of the situation she was in before she felt hands on her shoulders. She flinched away instinctively, they felt too warm, exactly like her dream... Nightmare.
Reality slowly, slightly creeps back into Kit‘s consciousness and she takes three deep breaths in a whimsy attempt to calm her shaking hands or racing heart. Her ears are still a little shutdown, blood flowing, racing, through her system is the only sound she can actively register as she pulls her legs towards her rib cage and tries focusing on a single point with her eyes, absolut desperately trying to calm with collected breaths.
Kit felt as if still floating between realities, her mind still poisoned with the dream she had. Somehow, nothing has grounded her yet and her senses are still to be collected, picked up and reasembled. That was until a certain redhead knelt before her.
Jade looked calm, collected, whereas Kit is sure she is the opposite. Eyes wide open, mouth hanging loose, hard breathing and shaking hands. Face pale with hair that looks like a tornado went through it. Kit‘s eyes still flickered, not being able to really focus just yet.
Jade’s hands came up to Kit‘s jaw, holding her face steady, focusing in on her. Almost forcing Kit to look at her face. „Hey, focus on me. Focus, Kit. Please, I know you can do it.“ Jade said, calm and collected. Her voice a little raspy from the sleep or the lack thereof. Kit isn’t sure if she slept at all. „You‘re Okay. You‘re here.“ She said, a little quieter
The knight, coming even closer to Kit, started taking deep breaths and telling Kit to follow them. Kit, now, after about ten deep and slow breaths started slowly flowing back down onto the world again, realized a few things:
1. Her cheeks were wet. Meaning, she was or is crying. It‘s not like she meant to do it, so this is a tiny blow to her ego.
2. Jade‘s eyes were shining as well. But she looked more like she had anything under control. But the worry is clearly, very prominent on her face.
3. Everyone, and she means everyone, even Kenneth, is awake and currently witnessing this debacle. And her crying. Great. There goes her peace. Boorman and Elora will definitely use every chance to remind her of this. Or maybe not. But Boorman will do it once, at least.
4. Jade is close. Really close. „I can feel her breath“ type of close. Way too close for her to not be thinking about her lips immediately after regaining her ability to even grasp any thought.
„Hey there, Princess.“ Jade smiled a little after she realized Kit was, well, fully back in their reality. Her thumbs came up to stroke across her cheeks, maybe in an affectionate manner but she also wiped away the tears that still lingered.
Kit felt exhausted but this touch set her aflame again. It always does. She takes one last, very deep breath before finally moving a bit. She readjust her legs and puts her hands over Jade‘s on her face and closes her eyes, practically melting into the touch. Grounding herself finally and ultimately in her own pace now and then she opened her eyes again.
Realizing everyone was still, more or less, watching them she grumbled an „Okay, show‘s over.“ Before slowly getting up, careful to not overly stress her body more. Jade looked a little confused but it was Elora who spoke up. „Are you sure? That seemed rather intense and I don’t think-“
But Kit quickly intervened. „It was. But I‘m fine now. I just need to walk it off.“ She said and offered Jade a weak smile. „You can go back to sleep.“ She continued, looking at a very disheveled Boorman and very concerned Willow and Elora. Graydon already started to slip into his sleeping gear again. She suspected Jade will either wait for her, or follow her anyway.
Kit started to walk around a bit, looking at the clear, stary sky and wondered. What was that dream? It felt way too intense, too real and too painful for it to be a natural dream but maybe that’s just the power of a strong nightmare. Kit tugged a bit on her clothing, pulling her collar down to remind her body that it is not restricted of any breathing anymore.
She stood still now. Letting the slightly colder air sway around her, cooling her skin, prickling her hair. She closes her eyes and for just one second imagines she is back in Tir Asleen. On the cliffs with Jade, about to spar and then get back to her mother, her obnoxious brother and these stupidly, fancy events. Only after loosing it, she realizes that these things weren’t even as annoying as she made them out to be. How foolish and naive she was to take these things for granted. How dumb she was for believing these things would never change. How blind she was with her own feelings and specifically, the feelings of others. She was egotistical and has no chance to remedy any of that in the near future. At least thats what it feels like.
She has one chance though. She could finally be honest with Jade.
After another minute or two, as she originally anticipated, she hears steps coming up behind her. Jade comes to a halt right next to her, a good three feet between them, both still looking forwards but Kit would be lying if she said that only just knowing Jade stood beside her didn’t make her heartbeat stronger. „I wanted to give you space to.. to clear your head but I also couldn’t let you be alone. So i‘ll just.. coexist with you right now.“ Jade said in a quiet voice.
Kit is suddenly overcome with an overwhelming urge to make everything okay again. Jade, is her only sense of continuity and, to put it the way it is, her everything. Her savior, her best friend, her.. love. She is always there for her and every single realisation hits her like boulder falling onto her head. She wants to take everything back and start over, completely, showing Jade just how good she can be. How much of a lovable person she can be. She wants to show Jade, from the very beginning that she is worthy of love and that she deserves every single thing she ever whishes for.
However, she knows thats not possible. She knows that taking things back, will make matters worse and that starting over would mean forgetting, or rather ignoring everything that they already lived through.
Kit is unsure of a lot of things. She doesn’t know what her future holds but, realistically, nobody really does, right? She isn’t sure who she is or who she wants to be. She isn’t even sure if Airk is still alive, if she is completely honest with herself. She is sure of one thing, though. She is sure that she will fix things, all in their right time. And that, now, would be a good time to start.
The brunette takes two steps sideways and takes a hold of Jades hand. She feels the redhead flinch a little, uncertain of the reason for this act of softness. The hand feels warm, and so so soft, despite the anticipated roughness due to callouses and scratches from their endless sparing and working at the stables since she was a child.
The Princess doesn’t really know where to go from here. She is not big on feelings, being soft and sweet or loving. Not by choice, really. That’s just not something she is used to. Doesn’t mean that she would not like to be that way. She would love to just have casual closeness, or to be easily loved. She just has no idea where to start or where she would draw the line.
She takes a deep breathe and tells herself it‘s okay to take things step by step. Her Brother would probably tell her to „just do what feels right.“ and Kit would scoff and go. Kit decided now to just- trust her gut when it comes to Jade. It can only get better, right? The last times she tried to overthink the situation everything went, respectfully, to utter shit. Same goes for not thinking at all. Like at all, at all.
Speaking of not thinking at all, the thumb from the brunette apparently had a mind of its own because she realized she‘d been stroking the back of Jade‘s hand. A blush crept up her own cheeks as she realized. She wants more of that, she wants to never let go of Jade ever again. Especially not after feeling so isolated after such a dream. Especially not after being seperated and almost drowing and especially not after almost finally doing the right thing and confessing. Almost.
If it weren’t for trolls, things would be different now. Now, things are harder. Harder to decipher, harder to manage, harder to even realize because everything is happening so fucking fast but also takes so unbelievably long. It‘s maddening.
Now, with the confession always wiggling around them, reminding them, it’s harder to start any conversation. Both of them completely overwhelmed with how to start. So they choose not to. It‘s easier.
But Kit doesn’t want easy with Jade. She never did. „Please never stop coexisting with me. I need you.“ She says, over stepping any and every line of her comfort zone. She feels like she ate another truth plum. Jade squeezes Kit‘s hand a little and, finally, turns her head.
Kit does the same and well and truly melts at the sight. Jade is laying her head sideways, locks falling around, smiles a sweet smile, a bit crooked but oh, so sincere, her eyes reflecting the night sky just so beautifully, Kit wants to savor this moment for eternity. „As long as you‘ll have me, Princess.“ She squeezed her hand again.
Said Princess was suddenly overcome with such a big wave of emotion it was hard to not let it all go and wash over them immediately, probably destroying everything they built. She wanted to kiss this girl and never let her go again. She needed it, longed for any type of intimacy, having been through too much in the last weeks. Or months even. It‘s hard to keep track of time in a place where time is altering as we speak.
Instead of smothering Jade with kisses she pulled her closer at their joined hands. Jade‘s eyes widen for a split second before relishing in the feeling as well. Their clasped hands inbetween their chests and their foreheads now together, eyes closed as they stood on the shattered sea. The sky reflecting in the water, making up an incredible scene, the water a pleasant temperature, everything silent except tiny waves swooshing around. And still, nothing about that mattered at all. Because they had eachother. Right this moment. Kit felt as if this was much more intimate than any kiss, any touch could be right now.
Tears are welling up in her eyes and she isn’t sure why. Maybe it’s because life is catching up to her and she realizes everything that happened this week. Being abducted, Almost dying, drowning to be precise, loosing her father all over again, being attacked with a shuriken or now having to travel an endless sea, you name it. During this type of journey all you can do to savor your sanity is to not think about anything that might affect you in ways you can’t endure. And that can be hard, impossible even.
But maybe it’s also because it’s Jade. Because she finally feels Jade close. Because maybe she hasn’t felt this safe and loved for in a long time. Because they are taking steps in the right direction. Because she doesn’t feel the unpleasant, tight knot in her stomach, everytime she thinks about their relationship, anymore. Maybe it’s because, deep down, she is just so happy to be standing here, forehead to forehead, just breathing, that her body doesn’t know any other way to express it.
Maybe it‘s both.
It‘s probably both.
Jade brings their hands up to her face and presses a kiss to Kits knuckles. „We‘re okay, Kit. We‘re okay.“ She whispered. It felt as if she was saying it to herself rather than for Kit‘s ears to pick it up. Maybe to convince herself that they can do this. Because they can, no matter how their journey progresses. „I know… I‘m glad.“ She says and opens her eyes to lock them with Jade‘s. There‘s so much love and admiration in those eyes that Kit can only hope to actively show Jade how loved she is aswell.
Being as touchy-feely as Kit is right now she brings herself to do something she always wanted to do. She brings her hand up go Jade‘s hair and starts twirling a few strands while starting to smile. Jade started giggling quietly and smiled big and bright. „I always wanted to do that. Shit, I love your hair, It‘s a little unfair.“ Kit said and smiled, continuing to play with the fiery hair. One thing she loved about Jade is how she never pressures her to do anything. She would love to ask about the dream, Kit knows that. But she doesn’t. Because she also knows Kit would come to her if she wanted to.
„Unfair? Have you seen you, Your Highness?“ Jade teased. „It‘s always so perfectly messy, so effortlessly pretty. That‘s hardly unfair.“ She continued and ruffled Kit‘s hair, hands now fully untangled. Their heads also already having put a few inches more space between them. Kit scoffed but still smiled. Everything about this moment feeling domestic and intimate.
„We should go back, Kit. Your body is still damaged.“ Jade says and grabs her hand again. Kit now feels a little uneasy. The Nightmare still lingering in her head, her body even. She wants to do everything in her power to never feel that helpless again, even if it means hardly sleeping.
Back on their camp for the night, everyone is asleep. Graydon snoring a bit as usual and Boorman looking like a corpse, nothing new. Elora seems to be having a rather unstill night aswell, moving a lot.
Jade let‘s go of Kit‘s hand in an attempt to go over to her designated sleeping place. They still sleep close to eachother but put a bit of distance between them since their first night. „Uh- Wait. Please.“ Kit says, very quiet and unsure. „Yes? Do you wanna talk, Kit?“ Jade asks and steps a little closer again.
Saying stuff like this has never come easy to Kit. Asking for things, personal things, emotional things have always been a thing to avoid for her. But she wants to change. She actually wants to. So she steps over another line of her comfort zone. „No but, uhm.. Please- eh- Stay with me. For the night, I mean. I don’t think it would be very wise for me to- to sleep alone tonight, If I wanted to get any rest.“ Kit mumbled and kneaded her hands. A nervous habit she seems to have picked up.
„In-„ Jade clears her throat, a little caught off guard by the request. „In your space? Okay, yes sure. Of course.“ Jade continued. Kit gave her a weak smile and lay down. Jade following closely but keeping a certain distance and laying back to back. Scared to overstep any boundary.
A few minutes of tense silence followed, their dynamic suddenly awkward. Kit doesn’t want that, she doesn’t want them to be like that. They never were. She doesn’t really know how to fix it. She decides to be bold. „Jade..“ Kit whispered. Jade hummed. „Turn around and come closer.“ Kit said, absolutely tired, exhausted and done with them being distant and with having her body feel this worthless and empty.
After a short hesitation, Kit felt shuffling behind her. The warmth grew stronger but she noticed the last bit of uncertainty holding Jade back from fully embracing their- position. Kit huffed slightly annoyed, done with everything, and pushed back until she felt the body against her back. „Kit, are you sure?“ Jade whispered, close to her ear now. Kit nodded furiously and grabbed behind her to get a hold of Jades arm. She drapes it over her waist and lets her own arm lay atop.
Jades arm felt limp for another second before she pulled Kit even closer towards her, adding pressure and giving into the need to be close, to be feeling, to be intimate. Jade nuzzled her face into the neck of the woman infront of her and slithered her other arm under her head. Jade fingers openend and Kit took this as invitation to entangle their hands on top of her stomach.
It took them both a few minutes of silence to regulate their breathing back to normal and Kit is very sure her heart has to be around double the intensity it normally has when she feels this sleepy. Their breaths synchronized and Kit felt her bones begin to grow heavier, feeling so heavy she might crash through the floor. Her worries and anxieties dissolved as soon as she felt Jade drift away behind her. She never felt safer in her entire life. And with that thought Kit‘s world began to darken and she finally fell into a still, dreamless night while feeling the breath from the redhead in her neck. About time.
As everyone started to slowly wake, they realized quickly in what position the princess and the knight were in. Willow went up to them to wake them up as well but Elora stood up infront of him. „Ehh- you know we should.. um- Train. Yes, I wanna do a morning session, if that’s alright.“ She said. Willow looked at her for second before answering. „Yes, that‘s alright. But let me awaken the two before.“ he tried walking around Elora to get to the two people still sleeping deeply on the floor. Elora grunted and stepped infront of him again. „Willow, let them sleep. Kit‘s body needs rest and so does Jade. Please.“ She said now voicing her request. Willow looks up to her, then throws a glance back and walks away. „You are right. But not for too long.“ He said and continued walking. „Come now, you wanted to train, so let’s train.“
Elora threw her head back in annoyance at herself. She really didn’t want to train this early but nothing better came to mind to stop Willow from waking the two lovebirds. She looked to her left to see Boorman give her a thumbs up, as well as doing a heart with his hands before pointing to the two laying on the floor. She briefly wondered if Kit and Jade really were the last to realize that they fell head over heels for eachother.
The two ended up waking up in their own pace. Heat immediately flowing into their cheeks as they saw Boorman wiggling his brows and they didn’t hesitate to put a little bit of distance between them. The next few days between the two were stiff, awkward, full of sparing and less talking. One would argue that for these two there isn’t much of a difference in talking and sparing.
However, it all came to a solution when a certain Princess finally said these three tiny words.