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“Ok… So now what?”
Aloy lazily held the last dirty jugs to be collected. The spontaneous party they threw at the base after the victory against Nemesis had been epic, all of which the former lonely hunter now considered her best allies and friends had been there, celebrating the world was going to continue existing because of them.
That night she observed things that impressed her more than the horde of Horus she had seen approaching them a few hours earlier. Alva got so drunk that she ended up letting Kotallo tattoo the victory on her face, so now that adorable expression would be framed in fiery triangles forever. Beta, who had not stopped smiling all night, got Sylens to teach her the traditional Banuk dance, which at the same time caused him to split his sides at the clumsiness of Aloy’s sister trying to follow in the footsteps —Watching the gloomy Sylens laughing out loud also felt somehow terrifying. Talanah spent all night challenging Avad to play first slap, a game with silly rules she had just invented only to be able to say that she had punched the Sun King in the face, yet another trophy to add to her list. Zo and Erend cried together remembering the fallen while sharing drinks, hugging and comforting each other, acting as true friends, something that long ago seemed as impossible as defeating Nemesis itself.
Aloy, however, remained detached from the group, watching with a smile how her companions enjoyed themselves, but with a feeling of sadness and emptiness that didn't allow her to fully appreciate the moment. Everyone was having such a good time that they didn’t realize she wasn’t participating, only Erend would approach her whenever he saw her empty jug, giving her a filled one, and smiling at her quietly as if he knew exactly what was going on inside her. When the sun was about to rise everyone fell asleep, except the two of them, who had stayed to pick up the consequences of so much fun.
“Now? Now I’m going to sleep like a cold forge through at least three days in a row.” Erend joked with a smile, although his exhausted face turned the comment into something sincere.
Aloy saw his expression changing to concern after looking into her eyes. Apparently, her feelings were being transparent, or maybe Erend could read them better than anyone. “What do you mean, Aloy? Is everything all right?”
“Oh, it’s nothing, forget about it. I’m just tired, I’d better go to sleep too.” She forced a light smile, left the jugs to wash them later, and headed to her room trying not to cross her gaze with Erend’s.
With a twist of her wrist, she opened the metal doors, and instantly she heard him say something that stopped her heart for a moment, “I’m gonna miss you too.”
Aloy turned and saw him standing there, looking surprised as if not even he believed what had just come out of his mouth. “I mean, all this, I’m gonna miss all this.” He quickly corrected himself and looked downwards while he scratched the back of his neck, trying to hide what Aloy thought was a red face. “I mean, I’m glad the apocalypse is finally over and all, but it’s gonna be so weird not seeing everyone's worried faces every day.”
Erend sat on his favorite spot at the base, where they so many times have played Strike, and he looked somber to the ground for a few seconds. “The truth is, the things that have happened to us over the last years have changed everything, you know? It’s hard to figure out how to get back to real life now when nothing is as it was.”
Aloy let the doors of her room close again and headed back towards Erend. It was so irrational not to be honest with a friend that had just gone straight to the point that she decided it was time to come clean. She sat beside him, closer than ever, so close that the Oseram armor she was wearing, her favorite, brushed against his. An invisible tension began to grow between them. She glimpsed his eyes for a second before focusing downwards, hiding her face with her hair. “There is no real life for me... I was created for this. Bring Gaia back, save the world... all this was my only mission in life, it’s the reason I was born, the only motive I am alive.” She looked down at her hands, which began to become blurry, and a sore throat announced that the crying was imminent. “Now I have no purpose, my life… makes no sense anymore.”
Quickly, Erend grasped one of her hands, moistened by the tears falling on it. Aloy felt his warmth through the leather of his glove, so intensely that it made her insides burn for a moment. These feelings around Erend weren’t new to her, but her worries and responsibilities had managed to keep them drowned in the background. Now that the danger was over, there were no walls to stop the flood.
“Aloy, look at me, please.” He whispered, but she was reluctant to show him the mess that was now her expression, so with his free hand, Erend grabbed gently Aloy’s chin and forced her to face him. The caring look she found on him was as blue as it was deep. Having now fallen into his spell and more focused on the touch of his bare thumb than on her sorrow, tears stopped falling.
“None of our lives has a purpose, brightspark.” Aloy had rarely seen him so serious. She saw him swallowing as if the next thing he was going to say was the most important thing he’d ever say. He shook her hand tightly and went on “We don’t know what place we have in this world or what we are in it for, the only thing we can do is keep on surviving and making the time we have worth it... trying to be as happy as we can.”
“But… I don’t know how.” He let go of her face very slowly and then Aloy looked back at the floor with a half smile sticking out of her mouth. “Erend, I have no idea how to be happy.” She gazed at him with a wide-open smile, breaking the intensity of the conversation. “To the old ones, it seemed very important to store funny holos of kittens, but any useful ones that explain the secret of a joyful existence? No, they weren’t going to make it that easy.”
Erend, still holding her hand, let out a laugh that finally ended all the tension. Watching him smile had a comforting effect on her, it lit her heart. It was true that she knew nothing about happiness, but she was sure that this feeling was getting pretty close.
“Ha! I’m convinced they didn’t know either, nobody does!” He emphasized his saying by raising his arms and releasing her hand definitively, making her notice the cold that left the emptiness. “Listen, you can say I’m not an expert in the matter, but I believe this works with trial and error, you know? taking on new experiences to see if that’s what you want. I think you should just go with the flow, try to have fun, and be selfish for the first time in your life... Have those first times we’ve all had while you were getting ready to save our asses.”
Although they were more relaxed, behaving more as they had always done, they kept staring at each other in a very intense way, green towards blue, and then green to his lips. A significant silence was growing and a very clear thought passed through Aloy’s mind at that moment. Very confused by her now liberated instincts, she stood up suddenly, said a cold good night, and went straight to her room.
Can I have one of those first times now... with you?
———
It was very difficult for Aloy to get used to so many noises around The Base, but the construction would still require another three months to be finished, so she would have to live with them or run away. That second alternative was what she thought was best.
Since Nemesis was defeated, people from all over the world had come together again with a common goal, to protect GAIA at all costs. For that, the first thing to do was to reinforce security around her, so some Carja, Tenakth, Utaru, Quen, Banuk, Oseram, and Nora, who now had faith in this new goddess, volunteered to set up a huge fortress surrounding the entire mountain, preventing future threats from easily accessing it.
It wasn’t painless to manage all those people with such different traditions, but Aloy knew that Beta was enjoying it. In a very short time, her little sister that she once thought was weak had become a leader who was creating the largest building in the world, in record time, while preventing the different tribes from killing each other. She had found her place after the fight, unlike Aloy, who kept trying to seal the hole of dissatisfaction inside her.
Since saying goodbye to her teammates after the celebration, Aloy had been searching for her new path, trying not to think about what she left behind and hoping at least to find something that would add a little color to her days. She followed Erend’s advice and set out to have those first experiences that had been typical for everyone except her, so with GAIA’s help, she made a list and added it to her focus.
The mission of that catalog she had active at the moment was called my first painting, so the relic automatically directed her to what she needed to accomplish it. A Tenakth merchant had sold her some paintings and with more shards, she got a wooden panel at an Oseram post. She sat in front of a river, where a rabbit had stopped to drink quietly and she began to paint brush strokes to try to represent it as faithfully as possible. After frustrated attempts in the shape of terrifying deformed beings, she gave up and marked the mission as completed. "No, this is definitely not satisfying for me."
She had been spending her time clearing this list and obviously, she really enjoyed some of the missions, but none was significant enough to let her know what is it that makes her happy.
There was one mission left, one she had been trying to avoid for some time, but she had no choice now, that was the last on the list and she loved to clear tasks. After a long, very long pause and a sigh, she activated it. The first thing the focus indicated her to do was to override a Sunwing. Although she hadn’t needed to do that for a couple of months, the act was still as natural for her as breathing, so in no time she was already flying over The Base’s mountains.
The focus started to show in front of her a yellow symbol pointing south and her heart skipped a beat because she knew at that moment where the mission was heading.
"GAIA," Aloy said after a slight touch to her temple, her voice louder than she expected, hoping the Sunwing’s noises would disguise her growing anxiety. "Do you have any idea why the focus is directing me to Hidden Ember for this precise task?"
"Indeed, I do. By studying your gestures and reactions and comparing them to those you have towards other people, the decision seemed proper. In addition, your pulsations have accelerated more times in his presence, so according to my calculations Erend is the right target." GAIA paused briefly "Do you want me to redo my analyses and find a more appropriate objective?"
Aloy, though she knew the deity didn’t exist, thanked All-Mother for being that high, away from anyone who could see her expression. Her face had a color so strong that it had transcended the red and her eyes were so open that looked like they were going to shoot out of her skull. After a few seconds of holding her breath, she let out the air and relaxed her eyelids. Then her mind started to fill with memories, all starred by the same person, Erend. She remembered how different he looked from everyone else when she first saw him, remembered all the times he had offered his help, all the battles her spear and his hammer fought together, all the times she had discovered him peering at her, all the times her hands had brushed against his, the first time he gave her a side hug... and then her anxiety vanished. GAIA was not wrong.
"No… Just... tell Beta I’ll be out for a few days."
———
Reality struck Aloy’s mind at the same time as her boots hit the sand. The hours she flew to Las Vegas had passed practically unnoticed thanks to the shock she was in. She didn’t actually have a single thought along the way and let herself be guided by the focus like she had done so many other times as if this mission was as easy as breaking off a rebel camp, but now that her feet were attached to the ground, she was starting to get nervous, very nervous.
"Okay... Just 153 steps to get to Erend."
While she walked, she asked herself questions whose answers had been indifferent to her until that moment. Was she really going to do this? Was she going to do it right? Was she looking... beautiful? Will this Nora outfit make her sweat like a boar? When was the last time she had a bath? What if he didn’t want to do it? What if he wanted to but she makes it all wrong and spoils everything? And the most disturbing of them all… What if she liked it? All these thoughts were so annoying that she was about to turn back and get on the Sunwing again.
"Aloy!?" A distant greeting and a big bright smile half hidden by a weird mustache interrupted her interrogation.
15 steps to Erend.
"Hey!" With a slight nod, she waved an awkward casual salute.
Erend was leaning against the entrance of The Tower of Tears, as if he had been there since two months ago when they last saw each other, waiting for her. His eyes were as blue as ever, his gaze as warm as it was the moment he left The Base and they parted ways, but his armor was not the same. A new one, lighter, covered his body or rather left it exposed. It looked a lot like the usual one, but there was no scarf, no belly plate, no gloves, and no shirt. The only thing covering his huge arms were a bunch of dark geometric tattoos that hid towards other less visible parts of his body.
Yeah, GAIA, my heart rate’s up.
"By the forge! I was starting to think I’d never see you again." Erend, all smiles, approached her with his big open arms, ready for a hug until he looked her in the eye and, like remembering something held back, stopped in front of her, and lowered his arms. Aloy inadvertently kept staring at his tattooed muscles, yet she noticed the discomfort he was suddenly showing.
"You think getting rid of me would be that easy?" Aloy smiled at him with her head lowered, as if she did not dare to look at him directly in case the clear water of his eyes inundated her heart.
"Believe me, with you nothing is ever easy." Erend grinned, talking in a soft tone and keeping the sweet look with which he had greeted her.
"I love that you honor me with your presence, Savior, but I know you, and I’m sure you’ll be in the middle of something important. Tell me how can this lug-nut help you?" And this time he did dare to touch her, posing one of his large -and bare- hands on her shoulder.
"It may surprise you, but I only came to see you." Aloy was astonished at her sudden boldness, a weird sensation growing in her stomach.
His mouth was open, with an expression that Aloy had so often seen on him when the processes of his brain worked for an explanation. Aloy cursed him inside for being so damn cute. "Oh! That is... It’s great!" He nodded, looking at the ground, his eyes wide open in disbelief. "That being so, I’d be an Oseram unworthy of my tribe if I didn’t invite you to an ale."
"Yes, I’d like that very much." Aloy pressed her lips together and turned pink. "Can I have that drink at your place?"
“Yeah, sure, I know you are brave enough to get into the cave of mess” then he finally gave her one of those warm side hugs he reserved only for her, and gripped like that, they started their walk to Erend’s.
"So tell me," Erend said with a smile. "Have you found it yet?" She was glaring at him, raising an eyebrow.
"Aloy, that last night at The Base you looked depressed, I’ve been worried about you, but the way you escaped the conversation was… I didn't want to cross your borders by asking more, but I want to know. Have you found what you were looking for?"
She took a brief pause, "Not yet, but I’m on it.” As she said that she instinctively grabbed his waist tighter, approaching their bodies as they walked. “I actually took your advice."
"My advice?! You must really be hopeless." Hearing how he underestimated himself again, she rolled her eyes, and noticing, he gaped. "So she considers I’m forged on wisdom now."
She threw him a mischievous look. “You sometimes have a wise moment. Maybe even two.” He grinned and looked downwards, trying to hide something that Aloy couldn’t recognize, yet holding her even closer.
Passing the colored lights of the buildings half buried in sand, they arrived at Erend´s home, a renovated spot in a former ruin, locked in a sturdy wooden door full of Oseram geometric patterns, very similar to the ones engraved in his impossible-not-to-look-at skin. While she knew that he could break it with a boost, he just needed a key to open it.
“So…” She started bashfully, “GAIA helped me to make a list of new experiences that I want to try and I uploaded it to my focus. I've almost completed it." The side hug was interrupted to enter the indeed messy house, which now felt cold although the sun of the desert had been keeping it warm all day.
"Ha! I remember telling you to go with the flow, and then you go and create tasks? That's my girl."
His girl. Was he trying to kill her?
He invited her to sit on his couch while he went to pour the promised beverages. The more comfortable she was getting the more she heard the drums beating inside her.
"Well then... let me see it." Erend sat by her side and leaned her on one of the jugs he was carrying.
"See what?" she commanded, frowning after drinking the first sip of ale.
"The list! Please, now is a must."
Aloy was there, jug in her lips and mouth opened waiting for another sip that never came and he was nodding vigorously, sparks in his eyes and mouth framed by mischievous sideburns.
“No...NO. Not gonna happen, Erend.”
“Oh, you know that refusal just makes this more interesting, don't you?”
He then changed his behavior, his smiles stopped suddenly and he started to bite his tongue, examining her face meticulously. When she noticed his hand approaching her cheek, her face turned hot scarlet, she was breathing deeply getting ready for his touch, as if he was moving in slow motion. And then he finally grabbed… her ear?! —Her focus.
Taking advantage of her distraction and with a quick studied movement, Erend linked her focus to his, sticking both in his temple. Hands tapping the air and she knew by his grin that he got it, Aloy´s wishlist appeared in front of him.
She jolted a bit in surprise, annoyed and embarrassed. "Where did you learn to do that?"
"I told Beta to teach me in case it could be useful, and looks like it finally is!" He teased while pointing at her with her own focus. She caught the relic in a smack, placed it where it belonged, and then crossed her arms and grimaced at the ceiling, feeling betrayed.
Erend began to scroll down on that list that both of them could see now and she was just frowning there still, trying to figure out how to avoid him to read what she knew he was going to.
“Let's see..." Another bite of his tongue.
"Fire and split! Have you really joined an Utaru chorus?! You sang?"
“I did… and the rain started to fall.”
He crackled.
Aloy kept her arms crossed, her face and hair colored the same way. Meanwhile, Erend continued reading out loud the names of more missions, “My first Updo hairstyle”, “To finally kill an owl”, “My first fic.. What in the forge is a fic??” The Oseram was laughing so hard that he was actually crying.
“Aloy'' he caught his breath, “I can’t believe you passed these months doing things like… collecting different kinds of rocks?? This is how you look for joy right after saving the world?”
“I was bored, okay? Just stop mocking!” She was angry now, and that wasn't making it easier for Erend to end the fuss. Actually, Aloy didn’t know if she wanted it to end because, unexpectedly, she was also having fun with this.
“That’s it. This is enough.” She threw herself at him trying to turn off his focus, but he managed to dodge without even needing to turn to see her coming. For someone who has defeated the most dangerous enemies from this world and beyond, her tactics against Erend were at least disappointing.
She tried again and he got up, moving along to continue reading. “Erend!” She rose and grabbed his scrolling arm by the bare bicep and the unexpected touch skin to skin made them freeze —or maybe burn. “Please, just…stop it.”
Glimpsing a weak point there, she pressed her free hand on his upper arm too, looking supplicant into his eyes while embracing his tattoos, and it worked. “Come on…bend your iron, I’ll stop.”
Erend stared at her from above, starting to relax his muscles and finally letting go of that game. But then a different light came from the projected catalog of missions and got his attention.
"Hey, hey, hold on! Looks like you missed one."
And there it was, the last mission.
FIRST KISS
“Oh.”
He tapped his temple twice, quickly turning off Aloy’s missions as if that last one was about to explode.
"I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so nosy" he walked away from her, looking ashamed or maybe… sad? Like he read bad news. An awkward silence invading the room.
Aloy was sure that then she heard something inside her chest shattering.
"You don’t... you don’t have to if you don’t want to."
He turned back to her with what looked like a lot of confusion on his face, "Want what, Aloy?"
"To kiss me."
The air surrounding them became as thick as steel.
“Me..?...You??” He babbled and, once again, that silly open-mouthed expression melted what remained of Aloy’s heart.
"Forgive me, it was a bad idea. Just because I feel something doesn’t mean you…huh… I’d better go—" She was already pivoting to the exit when he grabbed her elbow, catching her to turn back to face him again.
In a glimpse, she found herself surrounded by Erend’s powerful arms, one hand gripping her waist, the other finding its place between her shoulder blades. He pushed her firmly yet gently against his body and finally pressed his lips to hers. She cracked a bit at the touch of his sideburns but it wasn't enough to stop her from embracing his neck and following the pace of his kiss as an expert.
Their lips seemed to fight to swallow each other, a more fierce battle than they ever had against Nemesis but also softer than carja silk. All the feelings they had been hiding these years were escaping through their mouths and tongues without a single word.
At some timeless point they parted to catch their breath, still holding each other and leaning to place their foreheads together. They were beaming, their eyes glowing, their noses stroking.
"Now. This is satisfying." She sighed.
It was difficult for them to hold their grin, but then Aloy decided there was a better use for their mouths and raised her head to give him a slow, brief kiss. Afterwards, she looked to the floor, biting her lower lip anxiously.
"Come on, do it." He soothed, trying not to laugh when he saw her raising an eyebrow. "Come on, love, I know you need it."
Then she smiled bashfully and tapped her focus.
With a quick shift of her fingers, Aloy marked the last mission as completed.
"Erend, you really know how to make me happy."