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In began the way many nights did: with Xie Lian telling his husband to leave the dishes to him and not worry so much about helping.
Unfortunately, as was usually his great tactical error, he needed supplies to wash off whatever it was he had done to traumatize their cooking pot today. So of course, he had to leave the room to fetch them.
The cottage wasn’t terrible big, it didn’t even take a full minute to grab the towel he’d wanted— something special he’d found in Ghost City that was said to be made of thin bits of metal and had proven much more effective at scrubbing down Xie Lian’s kitchen experiments without falling apart under the stress. It wasn’t as good at drying though, so he still needed a regular rag for that.
If Hua Cheng had wanted to be helpful, he definitely could have gotten both towels to them with a wave of his hand. So it really was obvious what Xie Lian would find when he came back. There was only one reason Hua Cheng wouldn’t have even offered to help on that.
Sure enough, Xie Lian smiled at the sight of Hua Cheng had already started on the dishes despite his very clear instructions to let Xie Lian clean the latest destroyed pot.
He wasn't quite sure where the urge came from. Maybe a result of spending more time in Ghost City lately but seeing his mischievous husband bent just slightly over the sink, Xie Lian really was just acting on impulse when swung the normal rag he’d gone to get into a loosely twisted strip and thwacked Hua Cheng squarely on the ass the with it.
It was a quick motion, not one that would hurt much given how little force Xie Lian had put into it and how strong Hua Cheng was but it was very clearly an ass slap.
For a moment, their cottage was still— suspended in this one moment that would become a catalyst for something much bigger. The first strike in what would become a never ending war within their household.
How innocent Xie Lian had been then, driven by simple thoughts that were new to him and he had allowed to run without filter. How shocked Hua Cheng had been that first time, almost bashful with the newness of action between them.
So much of their time together early on consisted of Xie Lian spoiling his husband rotten and truly giving him a confidence and temperament that was the bane of Heaven’s existence. But that day, the first day of their war, Xie Lian had taught his husband a trick Heaven could really never know.
“Gege,” Hua Cheng turned, falsely appalled and eyes crescent with sheer delight. “Did you just slap my ass?”
Xie Lian stared at the offending towel in his hand, heat rising to his cheeks as he processed more and more his own actions. “I’m sorry, San Lang, I don’t know what came over me.”
Except he sort of did. Hua Cheng made everything so easy. Touch was so playful. So joyous. They hugged and kissed and held each other. They bumped and tickled and wrestled.
And Xie Lian, seeing his husband steal household chores once again, had been so overcome by affection he’d just had to slap his husband’s ass in the way kittens would bat at your hands for lack of other ways to express their urge to play and love.
“Is this what I should expect every time I turn my back from now on? Gege’s just been looking for the best opportunities all this time?”
“Don’t sound so excited about it,” Xie Lian tried to nudge him out of the way to take over the dishes, only for Hua Cheng to hold the pot up out of his reach.
“Why should I give my chores over to my husband if he’s only going to bully me?” Hua Cheng looked like a child instead of a fierce ghost king, shapeshifting even taller to make it harder for Xie Lian to grab.
“San Lang, you make it sound like chores are a present I’m taking from you.”
“But gege, to me they really are.”
Giving his husband a truly fond look of exasperation, Xie Lian kissed him and let him go back to the dishes unbothered by attempts to steal them or more ass slaps.
And so the first battle closed without fanfare.
***
The unspoken rules of the war were thus:
One- the kitchen was a war zone. Anywhere else was generally safe, but the kitchen was always fair game. Specifically when one of them was doing some task that left them standing in one place with their back turned for a long period of time.
Two- they were both allowed to slap. It had taken a few instances of Xie Lian doing it before Hua Cheng responded in kind, but he’d gotten there now. Still Hua Cheng seemed much more inclined to go for an ass grab than a quick slap most days.
Three- every battle had to end with a kiss.
They were very simple rules. It was a very simple, very silly war after all.
Though Xie Lian had been embarrassed the first time, once he begun doing it intentionally he found all flustered feels evaporated in the face of the glee that lit up his husband’s face every time.
But you see, once something becomes a conscious habit, it becomes even easier to do such things on autopilot.
Which was really the only excuse Xie Lian had for why he had just towel whipped his husband’s ass in plain view of Mu Qing and Feng Xin, who were currently looking at him like they’d actually eaten his cooking.
“Ah. Sorry, pretend you didn’t see that,” Xie Lian laughed awkwardly as Hua Cheng leaned over for a quick kiss.
“You weren’t even trying to be subtle!”
“I don’t usually have to be,” Xie Lian offered as an explanation.
It seemed they liked that even less.
“No, you know what, I don’t want to know.”
“I’ve already asked San Lang not to do it back in front of you two before. I’ll try to be better at remembering.”
“WE SAID WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!”
Xie Lian looked to his husband, feeling his own amusement rise at the clear pleasure the ghost was taking in their guests’ discomfort.
A ceasefire was necessary in current company, but it was fine. They were both winners in this war.