Chapter Text
Lance has secrets. Some of them are small, like his skin routine takes a lot longer than he tells people, or that when he can’t sleep at night, he sits observing the stars until the morning cycle kicks on. But the bigger secrets; buried so deep, he himself would forget about them sometimes, never stayed buried for long. The truth is, he isn’t a beta. Despite his lanky, bony, physique, and missing scent, he isn’t a beta. But god how he wishes he was. He wishes he could just wake up, apply his skincare, massage conditioner into his chocolate, black and caramel furred ears and tail, and go about his day instead of having to choke down a quarter sized pill and adjust his hoodie just so, to make sure it was covering his scent glands. He wishes he didn’t have to sprint out of the room anytime he felt like his scent was slipping through the suppressants, or because he was getting wet at the sight of Keith or Shiro doing something attractive.
God.
Who could even blame him though? Shiro, tall, broad, yet gentle and caring, always ready to share praise that simply made Lance want to melt into the floor: “Good job Lance… Your hard work is paying off… You’re our sharpshooter.”
And Keith, who grew nearly three inches taller than Lance on that damn space whale, with his gentle eyes, playful banter, and challenging nature; always pushing Lance to work harder and become better during training. “C’mon Lance, I know you can do better than that, I believe in you”
Fuck.
Lance has it so bad for the Alphas and there is nothing he can even do anything about it. Because they’re together.
About a month and a half ago, Pidge came screeching into the kitchen where Lance had been “supervising” Hunk’s cooking, sticking his fingers into the frosting-like substance for the last half hour.
“Pidge what’s wrong? Did you delete your coding again?” Lance asked, hopping off the counter and walking to them, where they stood rubbing their eyes and shaking their head. Hunk’s umber ears swiveling to indicate he was listening as well.
“No thank god, but I need bleach for my eyes! I caught Shiro and Keith making out in the training room!” They cried, burying their face into Lance’s torso. Lance however, stood frozen despite Pidge's bronze tail curling around his calf. He felt as though he had just done an “ice-dip” in the ocean, like he used to with his siblings in the winter months. He felt his body erupt in goosebumps, and the fine hairs of his arms become electrified.
“You what!?” He managed to squeak out, pushing at Pidge’s shoulders to get them to step back.
Pidge tilted their head up, an actual blush on their cheeks, as they spoke, “I mean, I knew that they were together, but I didn’t need to see them with their tongues down each other’s throats.” Now that was an image Lance had never thought of, but now that he had, it was all that consumed his thoughts.
“I was wondering when they were going to get caught” Hunk chimed in from placing a tray in the oven.
Lance whipped his head around, indignant, “You knew too!?”
“Well yeah, they aren’t exactly subtle about it. They’re always making eyes at each other across the room.” Hunk added, flicking Pidge’s ear who had walked up to the counter to swipe their finger into the bowl.
The kitchen doors opened revealing a red, panting Keith, whose black ears flicked nervously atop his head. Shiro appeared behind Keith not a moment later, looking flustered as well.
“Pidge, can we have a word with you?” Shiro asked calmly, but his salt and pepper tail gave away his anxiousness as it stood ridged behind him.
“Too late, already told them…” Pidge announced, tucking themselves behind Lance. “…But Hunk and have known for weeks, so this is just news to Lance” they tacked on at the end.
In the time Lance had relaxed, he had gone ramrod straight again. His eyes flicked back and forth between the Alphas who were now staring at him with indecipherable expressions: worry? Concern? Anger?
“I—” he tried but couldn’t seem to find words. As the silence began to stretch on, their expressions began to change to something more somber. Not willing to be the cause of their distress, Lance shook his head to clear the shock, and tried again, “Obviously I’m happy for you two!” he shouted, startling the men in front of him “I mean jesus, if you guys can find happiness in each other among all this chaos, I am more than happy for you two!” Lance finished his speech by plastering a huge joyful smile on his face. He was happy for them; heaven knows they has been through enough shit and deserved to find their happiness each other. Watching Keith’s shoulders sag in relief and Shiro’s mouth widen in the most blinding smile, Lance knew he had made the right choice.
“Now that we’ve established that they’re a couple, and everyone knows, I need to hit the shower before dinner is ready” Lance announced, snagging one last taste from the bowl, dodging Hunks spatula slap. “Later lovebirds” he sing-songed out the door only hearing Shiro’s soft exasperated “Oh boy” before the doors shut.
Swiftly walking through the halls, Lance passed his room, then the other paladins’, taking several extra turns down dimmer and dimmer hallways before entering a small room on his right. Locking the door behind him Lance took a deep breath, exhaling loudly throughout the silent room. Surveying the room of the things he had accumulated in their time on the ship, he was honestly impressed with himself. After the first few weeks, Lance knew he was going to need a nest somewhere deep in the ship. After locating where the laundry chute led out, he was able to snag a shirt from Hunk, a blanket from Pidge, a pillowcase from Keith, and sheets from Shiro. He wishes desperately that Allura and Coran gave off pheromones, but they only lightly smelt of fresh laundry.
The pile of clothes, sheets and pillows he had discovered in the abandoned hallway’s closet, took over almost a third of the floor, after he had pulled the mattress off the bed to create a bigger nest. Lance crawled in adjusting the pillowcase and sheet fabric to take a hearty breath of the Alphas’ scents. Shiro’s scent was somewhere between pinewood tree and mahogany teakwood; it was rich and lingered in every room he entered and everything he touch. Keith’s was rich too, but in a different way, it smelled like bonfire smoke but like concrete after the rain. Their two scents filled his lungs, clouding his head. Imagining them together, his chest began to ache.
They are meant for each other.
Lance had thought a million and one times that Lance had made his next with the intention of sharing it with the Alphas, there was plenty of room for them, not only among the sheets, but in his heart too.
I just wish there was room for me.
With that final thought, his tears began to fall.