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Hinata didn't really notice it anymore, but when it was this quiet, the ocean actually could be heard from the cottages at night.
He had almost dozed off, some half-formed dream thoughts had started to creep behind his eyes, but then the bed creaked, and they scattered. Komaeda's weight eased onto the mattress, one knee at a time. He was headed for his side, up against the window, crawling clumsily over the hills Hinata's legs made in the blankets. He could have crawled up from the foot of the bed unhindered, but he chose this path, bumping their knees together as he traversed, and Hinata knew it was deliberate, but didn't say anything. The cottage was too hot from Komaeda's shower, steam still visible in the air, his wet hair leaving little drips all over the bedspread, but Hinata didn't say anything about that either.
When he reached his spot, Komaeda crumpled into the sheets like his bones had suddenly dissolved. He curled up, facing Hinata, tugging the blankets over himself despite the heat. His pillow, which he brought from his own cottage, absorbed most of the water that hadn't yet escaped his hair. He was still and quiet for just long enough that Hinata had almost dozed off again by the time Komaeda spoke up. "Hinata-kun, I wanted to thank you for the present you gave me today... it really meant a lot to me."
Coming from anyone else, it would have sounded sarcastic, and Hinata was still only about 85% sure he meant it.
"...It was just soda. And you already thanked me."
"It wasn't just soda, it was Blue Ram! ...and I wanted to thank you again, I guess...!" Hinata didn't have to look at him to tell he was smiling.
"...You're welcome. Again." A few silent beats passed. Hinata wondered if this was going to be an early, quiet night, or one that ended with their clothes thrown on the floor (despite repeated requests that he aim for the couch,) and Komaeda taking yet another shower.
"Hinata-kun...?" There it is.
Hinata waited for it, unsure if he should go ahead and prompt him to hurry it up. He was tired, but not that tired.
"Yeah?" There was a long silence, so Hinata spoke up again. "You wanna... do something?" He prepared his reluctant, bored face, but, under the sheets, one of his thumbs was already hooked on the waistband of his underwear..
"Oh, we don't have to today, Hinata-kun...unless you want to, of course!" There was an audible snap of elastic as Hinata's hand slipped back up to his stomach, and he wanted to turn into dust. Komaeda pretended not to hear it. "I'm just happy to be here today, with you."
Somehow, that statement was even more embarrassing. You're usually here, aren't you?
"Uh...why is that?" Hinata immediately tried to recall the events of the day, to figure out if Komaeda had done anything that might specifically warrant him not being here. It was a free day, and they'd spent a little time together on the Second Island, but he couldn't recall anything...unusual.
For reasons apparently unknown to both of them, Hinata had never turned him away when he came by at night.
"Well...I'm happy every day that I'm with you! And, no offense, but I keep waiting for you to come to your senses and slam the door in my face!" Komaeda kept smiling as he tapped his fingers on the mattress, watching the faint light from the window catch on his nails. "You've put up with my presence for so many nights, I'm starting to wonder about your state of mind, Hinata-kun."
Hinata stared at the ceiling, unsure how to respond. He'd had similar thoughts, truthfully, but it didn't seem appropriate to agree. Komaeda didn't let the silence sit for long.
"Even for me, I'm probably pushing my luck," He laughed a little at his own personal joke, "But may I ask for a special favor tonight, Hinata-kun?"
There it is, finally. Hinata rolled over on his side, facing Komaeda, ready to listen to his request. It would be dangerous, or kind of filthy, or maybe it would only sound filthy because of the way he would say it, and Hinata would tell him no (or bargain him down,) and then spend way too long thinking about it in the shower the next morning. "Hmm?"
Komaeda's tapping fingers stopped and splayed flat out on the sheet.
"Could I...hug you, while I fall asleep?"
Hinata deeply regretted that he'd rolled over, regretted that they were looking at each other. The expression he'd crafted for listening to wide-eyed, whispered desperation with a straight face suffered a sneak attack at close range, and took too much damage. His expression cracked into a blank smile and he blinked once.
"Um. What?"
Komaeda quickly rolled onto his back. "Oh, you're right, it would be disgusting, I didn't mean to make you imagine something like that. Feel free to forget I said it."
"...I didn't say it would be disgusti--"
"I just thought, since we sometimes wake up like that, it might be okay if we started out that way in the first place."
Hinata's blood started to pump cold despite the steam. He'd always assumed, always hoped, that he'd been the only one to actually wake up to that situation.
He wasn't sure what spiteful part of his subconscious occasionally drove him to migrate over to Komaeda in his sleep. Maybe they should switch sides of the bed, as his body clearly wanted to sleep against the wall, and Komaeda was simply a road block preventing him from ending up there. Whenever he found himself like this-- suddenly wide awake, panicking, sometimes with his head on Komaeda's shoulder-- he'd be so good at staying still and quiet, before carefully untangling their limbs and rolling back to his side of the bed. He would fall back to sleep imagining the scornful faces of the other students, if they knew that he was not only fooling around with, but tenderly spooning the highly suspect and confirmed dangerous SHSL Lucky Student on a fairly regular basis.
Hinata looked away as he forced out a reply. "Isn't it gonna be too hot? I don't like to sweat while I'm trying to go to sleep."
"Oh..! I'd try not to sweat, but now that I'm thinking about it too much, I'm probably going to...Ah, m-maybe I am already," Komaeda laughed, a soft deflated sound, and gripped the sheet in his fists. His serene smile tightened without dissipating. "You could push me away after I fall asleep if you want... I just thought it might feel nice, and I've never done something like that before."
Hinata hadn't done it before either, but didn't want to have a conversation about it.
He was lost at sea, finding no tangible arguments against such an indecently innocent request (At least, not after all the requests he had fulfilled for Komaeda, here in this bed, always backed by rather self-serving motivations,) and his resistance crumbled faster than both of them expected.
"O-okay, then. Until you fall asleep." Hinata put his arms on top of the blankets and pressed them straight and tight against his sides, like a paper clip holding together a report. He closed his eyes hard enough that it looked a little like he was in pain.
"Really?" Komaeda sounded too happy, too moved, "Hinata-kun, I didn't think you would actually say yes..."
Me neither, Hinata was laying so stiff and tense, his muscles were starting to ache.
Komaeda hesitated before cautiously crawling toward him. The mattress dipped with his approach, and Hinata could feel his own face reddening in the darkness. He reminded himself that his only responsibility to this request was granting permission, and his job was done.
He felt a hand near his shoulder, and the mattress shifted again as Komaeda laid down next to him, still several inches away. He moved his arm to drape across Hinata's chest, a tense, overthought movement. His fingers clutched lightly at Hinata's arm on the far side before letting go, his hand sliding back a bit to sit on his chest for a moment, then finally shifting up to rest on his far shoulder. Komaeda remained still for long enough that it became clear he was done trying.
Hinata was no expert, but he was certain that this was a really bad hug. He opened his eyes to shoot his best 'what are you doing' look, but he didn't really manage it. Komaeda had crawled on top of the blankets, and was only making contact with him at his elbow and palm. His head was resting on his own arm, next to-- but not touching-- Hinata's pillow. He didn't look at all comfortable, but he did look happy. "Is this too much?" he asked, voice appropriately soft given the distance between them.
"Uh..." It was definitely too something. Hinata had planned to keep his hug clinical and distant, of course-- if not at arm's length, perhaps at arm's width-- but whatever weird thing he was doing now was much worse than closeness, and Hinata knew it was his own fault. He lifted his arms, freeing his body from the tight blanket pocket he'd been shielding himself with.
"Komaeda, when you say we 'wake up like that'... is this it, is this what we're doing."
Komaeda laughed and drew back his arm. "You know it's not like this, Hinata-kun, you're awake for it, too!"
Hinata clenched his hands into fists. "Well then, do that, I guess."
"I would, but isn't it normally you who's doing the--"
"Just get under the blanket!" Hinata yanked on the sheet caught under Komaeda's hips, hoping to hide the rest of that sentence under the bedding along with his distractingly long legs.
Komaeda obediently lifted his hips and maneuvered awkwardly under the comforter. Hesitation gone, he rolled onto his side again and was now touching Hinata at many more points of contact, from shoulder to toe, pressing against him gently.
Hinata wasn't breathing; he was thinking about death, and how easy it would have been for Komaeda to end his life, night after night. He was an unsung hero, sacrificing his own well-being and personal space to keep Komaeda occupied and away from the others, a noble deed that coincidentally resulted in certain rewards from time to time. Sometimes he felt like he could almost understand Komaeda, could maybe someday predict what he was going to say, or comprehend why he felt the way he did about anything. Chasing that connection felt oddly satisfying-- only because knowing more about him would make everyone safer, of course.
Komaeda slid one arm under Hinata's neck and his other arm across his waist, then buried his face against his shoulder and squeezed him a little. It was a much better hug, and Hinata had no idea what to do with his own arms. Maybe he wasn't supposed to do anything. He tried that for a little while-- doing nothing-- and then he started to notice things like Komaeda's heartbeat against his shoulder; he could feel him breathing, could smell his shampoo, could feel the stray strands of soft pale hair tickling his neck, and before he realized it, he was pulling away. Komaeda's hold on him relaxed instantly and he tipped his head as Hinata sat up.
"I-it's weird, right," Hinata mumbled, scratching the phantom tickle sensations still on his neck and hoping Komaeda didn't notice how flushed his face was.
"Oh..." Komaeda sat up too, bumping shoulders with him. "I thought it would be okay, but of course I shouldn't have asked for a favor like that. I don't know what I was thinking."
Hinata felt a pang of something in his chest. "I usually sleep hugging a pillow," he blurted out, for some reason. It wasn't even true. "Before we came to this island, I would usually hug a pillow while I slept, so that's why."
"Ah, like, a body pillow?"
"I guess...but not like, a weird one! Just a normal one."
"Do you want to use mine?" Komaeda had already grabbed his own pillow before he finished asking, and pulled it onto his lap. "It's, uh...oh, it's kind of damp. It's from my hair though, I didn't drool on it..."
You have drooled on it, though. "Um...y-yeah, thanks, I'll use this." Hinata gingerly took the damp pillow and hugged it to his chest, suppressing a shudder before laying back down. Komaeda was still sitting up, looking a little lost. Hinata registered that he'd just stolen his only pillow based on a lie, and he quickly pushed it back into the other boy's lap. "It's too damp, you can have it back."
"Ah, right... sorry, Hinata-kun, I couldn't even do that for you," Komaeda was looking more and more defeated and Hinata realized he wasn't helping at all.
"Uh..." Hinata grabbed the pillow from him again, but this time chucked it towards the window. "You shouldn't sleep on a wet pillow, you're gonna catch a cold." He reached up and patted Komaeda's hair. "You're drier now, so um... just share mine." He pushed his own pillow over a little, distantly wondering why his automatic response was to comfort 'someone like' Komaeda. Komaeda, who had only ever been trouble, only ever been a bother.
Komaeda, who says he loves me, which is ridiculous.
Komaeda made some kind of startled sound and fell onto the pillow as if he'd been shot, and Hinata jumped at the sudden motion. He didn't look over, but out of the corner of his eye could tell Komaeda was looking at him, radiating intensity, and he wondered if this was all a mistake.
"H-Hinata-kun," One of Komaeda's hands curled around Hinata's arm tightly, while the other pulled on the neckline of his own shirt, "You're being too nice to me today, I'm getting a little nervous," The air around him seemed to become denser, heavier, as he spoke. "I feel... like I shouldn't be here right now...!" His voice ran out mid-sentence, ending in a hoarse whisper, but he choked out more words anyway, "I even drank the Blue Ram... before coming here, so I would be...relaxed, in case you let me sleep like this today...!"
"Okay, okay, here," Hinata gently twisted his arm away, wondering if it was already too late. He always sort of figured that 'Anti-Energy' was just a marketing ploy, anyway.
Easing back down next to him, he encircled Komaeda's neck and shoulders with his arms, pulling him even closer as he settled. Hinata hooked ankles with him and leaned their heads together. "Like this, this is how I normally sleep, um, with a pillow," he lied again, "It's more comfortable like this."
Komaeda's heart was beating fast enough that Hinata wondered if he was okay, even though this had been his idea in the first place. Komaeda shivered; maybe the room had cooled down a little.
"I-I understand! I'll be... like your pillow, then," he suddenly pressed his fingertips over his mouth like he couldn't believe he said that, as if that was the weirdest thing he had ever said.
"Yeah, sure--"
"At least this way, my body is good for something!" He spoke around his fingers, unable to keep it in.
Hinata squeezed his shoulders. "Go to sleep." Komaeda laughed nervously, and rocked from side to side a little, like he couldn't decide if he wanted to roll over or not. Hinata unclasped his hands so he could find a position to stick with, and Komaeda froze.
"Hinata-kun, I'm sorry, I'm not being a good pillow-- er, ah... I'm not being a good person right now." His shoulders shook a bit.
"Just get comfortable already," Hinata's hand was trapped under his back, "My arm is gonna fall asleep before I do."
Komaeda abruptly rolled over, chest to chest with Hinata, and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Hinata's arms were still sort of around Komaeda too, but his hands hovered in the air, unsure.
This is...weird, right? All of this is weird!
It got a little weirder when Komaeda gripped Hinata's hair in one hand and breathed against his ear. "You can treat me like your pillow, Hinata-kun, you can sleep on me, or hit me when you get mad, a-anything you want, okay?" His voice wavered.
Hinata finally let his hands settle on Komaeda's back and he huffed out a clipped breath. "I said, I just hug it while I sleep, I don't... I don't hit pillows," He was pretty sure he punched his pillow hard on their first night on Jabberwock Island, but what was one more pillow-related lie? "Pillows are quiet and stay still and are suppose to align your spine or whatever." His hips straightened as he slid one knee between Komaeda's legs, and it really did feel better on his spine.
Komaeda squeezed his knee with his thighs and shivered again, but stayed quiet, like a good pillow. Hinata found himself gently rubbing Komaeda's back with one hand, feeling each knob of his spine, and wondered where he picked up such an affectionate, parental gesture. After a number of minutes, or seconds, or breaths, the hand in Hinata's hair relaxed, then finally went slack. After a few more minutes, or wave crashes, or back rubs, Komaeda's breathing slowly evened out, and Hinata realized he'd been half-dreaming again.
Maybe the Anti-Energy drink finally kicked in, was his last coherent thought.
Eventually, Hinata's chin ended up on top of Komaeda's head, one leg loosely hooked over his hips, and he slept surprisingly well that night, perhaps because he didn't have to move at all to get where he was going.
He woke up to morning announcements alone, as always, and considered that maybe he should be sleeping with a hug pillow.