Chapter Text
Mona huffs out a sigh as she pushes the black sunglasses further up the bridge of her nose.
This was ridiculous, even for her.
Sure, Mona had been out in disguise before but that was to get a limited edition print of an astrology book that she was desperate for – this time, however, it was to meet an idol that she liked a lot. An idol who she shouldn’t like. An idol who she couldn’t like. An idol who she was desperate to meet as Mona, not as Mona Megistus.
Mona anxiously adjusts the black cap that sits on her head, worried that it’ll be obvious who she really is under the flimsy disguise she wears. Her hands absentmindedly fall to her ponytail, pulling on the hair elastic to tighten it – it feels weird to have her hair up in a ponytail instead of her usual twintails but hey, she was a little less recognizable like this; at least, she hoped so.
Mona doesn’t know what it is about Scaramouche, what it had always been about Scaramouche – but the attraction she feels is there, the attraction she feels had always been there and she had never been one to deny it.
Her fingers fiddle anxiously with the album that's clutched tightly in her hands, rubbing her thumb along the pristine spine of it. All of her albums of Legacy had been hard enough to get; Mona had to send the money to her non-idol friend Lumine, get Lumine to buy the album for her and then mail them directly over to her.
But coming to a fansign that Mona had won tickets for, thanks to her most recent Legacy album? Mona was sure she was going entirely insane – she was pretty much risking her career by even doing this, even if she was in disguise.
Before everything though, Mona’s interest towards Scaramouche and Legacy had started innocently – Mona had simply just admired Scaramouche’s group, Legacy.
Their debut stage and theme was celestial, so of course Mona had been interested in it but to her surprise, her interest only grew from there and even three years after their debut, she had still found herself sneaking money to Lumine for her to buy her albums and mail them over to her, where she had them hidden in a cupboard in her room, stored safely away from prying eyes but in the comfort of Mona’s possession still.
Scaramouche, however, was an unexpected addition to Mona’s... liking of Legacy.
Mona had originally started collecting Legacy’s albums because she liked their music and their concepts, however when she had opened their first album eagerly, Scaramouche’s photocard had fallen out into her awaiting hands and it had felt like everything slotted into place for her. Like familiarity. Like she had been waiting for him all this time. Like he had been waiting for her all this time. She wasn’t entirely delusional, she knew that idols were marketed to be attractive and desirable – she was marketed no differently, of course, but this felt different. It wasn’t like she was seeing him as Scaramouche the idol, it was like she was seeing him as Scaramouche and all she wanted was to see more of him like that.
Mona had lost count of how many late nights she had spent watching Scaramouche’s lives, where he’d talk about music, how he helped with producing their newest comeback and about what video games he’d been playing lately. It always made Mona’s heart skip a beat, mostly because it felt oddly intimate – like he was talking directly to her, not her and a million other fans, and Mona realizes, she’s the exact shill that all these entertainment companies were trying to target and make money from. It was working, much to her dismay, as she found herself buying every piece of merchandise that was put out of Scaramouche especially.
Honestly speaking, Mona’s albums of Legacy and her merchandise and photocards were equally as important to her as her astrology collection – and that was a huge deal. Nothing else had ever been as important to her as astrology was.
Next to the binder that held all of her photocards of Scaramouche sat a pretty lilac ceramic dish, embossed with a silver Capricorn constellation on it. Amethyst, rose quartz, angelite and hematite sat inside the dish – none of them obviously had anything to do with her feelings towards Scaramouche, they were just there, just spare crystals she had on hand. No other reason at all. And no, she wasn’t a Capricorn, she had just accidentally brought the Capricorn dish one day and didn’t want to return it – it wasn’t like she knew the constellations of the zodiac like the back of her hand, and it especially wasn’t because Scaramouche was a Capricorn.
However, there was one major problem with her biasing Scaramouche.
Scaramouche hated her.
Scaramouche had always hated her.
Mona didn’t know why. She’d never known why. Scaramouche had never said anywhere as to why he hated her – he just did.
The first time they had met at an award show, he had turned his back on her and flat out ignored her when she tried to make friendly conversation with him. Kazuha, one of his fellow members, had given her a smile that basically translated to sorry about him, meanwhile she’d watched on as one of the other members, Childe, had made no effort to hide his laughter, jabbing Scaramouche in the side with a smirk across his face. Xiao had just stood there silently the whole time, hardly acknowledging any of them.
That day, Mona had fought off the embarrassment, sinking into her seat at the award show and had kept solely to herself, only chatting to her fellow members and maybe a few other artists they were acquainted with.
After the award show, there was one clip of Mona’s attempt to talk to Scaramouche as he brushed her off that blew up, gaining thousands of views and embarrassment had grown inside Mona like a flame in a furnace, her pride was hurting and she was still hurting from her idol being so.. Cold. So, Mona did what she knew best to do, and fought fire with fire until the two of them had become known as the two idols who openly despised each other.
Needless to say, Mona couldn’t be caught dead at Scaramouche’s fansign but she was still foolish enough to attend anyway, her hands now gripping Legacy’s album with a vice-like grip.
Mona didn’t even know why after everything that had happened between the two of them she still found herself so attracted to Scaramouche, biasing Scaramouche of all things. He was cold, grumpy and aloof – surely she could do better, right? But if anything, the weird (faux, on her behalf) hatred they had going on made Mona like him more. She didn’t understand it. She didn’t want to understand it. Some things were better left a mystery, she’s sure, and this was one of them.
Mona’s shaken out of her thoughts as she watches the girls in front of her talk about their biases of Legacy, their hands tightly held together as they practically jump up and down on the spot, their Legacy albums are safely tucked into their bags, peeking out just a little. Mona watches as the charm of a CD from Legacy’s first album dangles off of each of their bags, beside it dangles a charm of a penguin – one has a pink bow on its head and the other has a yellow bow, they’re very clearly friendship charms and Mona feels a pang of jealousy.
She knows her friends would have no judgment of her, she knows her friends are nothing but supportive of her and the rest of her members are also incredibly supportive of her, but admitting to how she felt aloud? It was difficult. She didn’t know how to, truthfully. She’d let it slip a few times over drinks with her friends or with the other members of Hiraeth but nobody had mentioned it afterwards – whether it was out of hope that it was just the alcohol in Mona talking or if they’d actually forgotten, Mona didn’t want to know, she was just relieved that nobody had brought it up since.
The only one who really knew how Mona really felt was Lumine and Mona was truly grateful to have Lumine in her life. She’s pretty sure Lumine would’ve supported her with pretty much anything in the world, but the pang of jealousy was still there as she stared at the two girls in front of her. Jealousy that she can’t come to these fansignings with a friend with her not in a disguise as they squeal over if one of the members looked at them for a second too long just so they can convince themselves that the members are actually in love with them.
Sadly, Mona knows better than that too – knows the directions that idols are told to follow to revenue more money for their companies – knows it too well, because she follows nearly identical instructions at her own signings.
Mona watches as the two girls ahead of her move forward with the line and she follows suit behind them.
There’s only about five people between her and the members of Legacy and her heart feels like it’s in her stomach.
The anxiety of meeting her idol that she had liked for all these years as a fan, as opposed to Mona Megistus sat heavy inside her but the anxiety of someone recognizing her sat just as heavy, the uneasiness leaving an unpleasant sensation along her spine, a twinge of pain working its way into her lower back.
She ignores it. She pushes it down. It’d be fine. Nobody would know it was her. She’d get her album signed quickly, maybe look at Scaramouche for a second too long, leave and get back to the dorms before anyone could even realize she was gone in the first place.
Four people stand between her and Legacy, and the anxiety Mona feels only seems to spike.
Mona feels the way her nerves bounce around inside her, chewing on the inside of her cheeks as she wonders if this is how her fans feel when they’re queueing up to meet her and the other members of Hiraeth and it’s exactly that train of thought that reminds Mona of who she is all over again, her hand coming to rest against the little plushie keychain of Scaramouche that hangs off of her bag – she had brought it from a fan artist online a few months ago and she had pretty much refused to take it off of her backpack since.
Her fingers make their way around the plushie, tugging slightly on the pieces of fabric that represent Scaramouche’s hair, before she’s tugging on the little circle that’s supposed to be Scaramouche’s hand.
Mona moves forward absentmindedly with the people ahead of her. There’s only three people between her and Legacy now. She bites at the inside of her cheek, her hand letting go of the Scaramouche plushie as she watches the girls in front of her again, envy hitting her hard all over again. They smile ear to ear to each other, no masks hiding their grins to each other and Mona tugs at the corners of her black face mask in response, anxiety stirring inside her once more.
What if Scaramouche thinks that she’s weird?
It didn’t really matter, she muses, considering Scaramouche can’t stand the idol version of her anyway but still, something about him hating the regular version of her makes her feel uneasy. It’s a weird feeling that she doesn’t really understand but it’s not like she has time to because now there’s only two people in front of her and it’s the two girls she’s been staring jealously at. She bites back her nerves, forces down a sigh and pushes how she feels aside. It’s all fine. She’ll be fine, she’s sure.
One of the girls moves forward and the other one follows closely behind her as she waits patiently whilst her friend speaks to the first member of Legacy.
Before Mona can even fully realize, she’s standing at the front of the line, the girl ahead of her now making her way up to meet the members of Legacy and the realization that she won’t be far behind makes her feel nervous all over again.
Mona stares, looking at the line-up now that she’s close enough to see them all clearly, her eyes falling upon Kazuha, Xiao and Childe before they finally fall on Scaramouche.
He’s at the very end, his eyes gazing around the room like he’s bored and doesn’t want to be there. It’s typical Scaramouche behavior. It makes her feel giddy.
Scaramouche’s eyes fall on her and Mona feels herself freeze under his gaze. She knows he can’t see her looking at him because of her sunglasses but she can still see him looking at her. She knows that there’s no real reason Scaramouche is looking at her, after all she’s wearing a disguise; sunglasses, a facemask and a hat – she knows he’s probably looking at her because she looks weird compared to all the other fans. The girls in front of her had clearly worn some of their nicest outfits and their makeup was perfectly done and looked amazing if Mona was honest – meanwhile Mona looks like she’s about to go and rob a bank after this fansign. Yeah, it makes sense Scaramouche is looking at her.
Mona sees the girl that was ahead of her move along to Xiao and Mona takes a deep breath as she walks up the steps and onto the small stage where all of the members of Legacy sit, fishing her album out of her backpack as she makes her way to the first member, Kazuha, who offers her a smile.
“Hello,” Kazuha greets her and Mona relaxes a little from his kind tone. “Thank you for your support. Who would you like me to address this to?” He asks as he takes the album from her hands.
Mona hesitates – just like she knew she would. She had been thinking about this for weeks, ever since the tickets for the fansign had fallen out of her latest Legacy album. The main concern was if anyone would put two and two together and realize she wasn’t just some random fan called Mona, but that she was actually Mona Megistus of Hiraeth.
She bites the bullet, her hands clammy from nerves.
“Mona, please.” She says after a baited breath and Kazuha just offers her a smile in response and a nod, immediately jotting it down.
Mona watches patiently as his writing turns into a pretty signature and her heart feels warm.
“Thank you, Kazuha.” Mona says just before she begins to make her way over to Xiao, who is the next member in the Legacy lineup.
Mona moves along the line, her legs feel like jelly and she’s still yet to meet Xiao and Childe before she gets to Scaramouche – she’s nervous to meet any of them in case they recognize her but more than anything, she’s nervous to meet Scaramouche because it’s Scaramouche and her heart has been set on him since the minute she saw his photocard drop out of her album. It was ridiculous.
"Hello," Xiao greets her, his voice and face both relatively stoic and Mona finds a weird sense of comfort in it. "Thanks for supporting us."
Mona nods, handing her album to him as she watches him carefully. Out of all the members, Xiao always seemed the most cautious. He was always the one who had kept the most distance between himself and other idols and Mona respected it – not that she could relate, considering she's at a fansign of another group. A fansign of another group where one of the members hates her guts. A fansign where the member who hates her guts is also her bias.
Xiao offers her a smile, it's tight-lipped but Mona can still see it's genuine. Despite his cold and tough exterior, Xiao had always been grateful for their fans and he had tried his best to express that.
"Thank you." Mona mumbles loud enough for him to hear her and his smile grows a little wider.
Mona moves along and finds herself standing opposite Childe.
“Hey!” Childe greets her enthusiastically. “Thanks for supporting us!”
Childe makes easy conversation with her as he signs her album and Mona’s grateful that they put Childe before Scaramouche in the lineup. She had needed something to relax her before she spoke to the person that she’s been a little too attracted to these last few years.
Then before she knows it, it hits her. She’s standing in front of Scaramouche – Scaramouche who’s staring at her with curious eyes but their usual gleam, the gleam that Mona finds she spends far too much time thinking about. The gleam that looks annoyed but not quite – the gleam that does something to her that she can’t explain.
As Mona hands him the album, he looks at it curiously, seeing his other members' messages and signatures.
“Mona,” Scaramouche says as he takes the album from her before looking back up at her. “What an ugly name.”
Mona feels her breath stop. Is he being petty or has he figured out who she is?
“Sorry.” Mona mumbles in response, feeling ridiculous for using her real name.
“Oh no, no,” Scaramouche says after he finishes writing her message, twiddling the pen between his fingers before he scribbles his signature on her album. “You’re not ugly. You just have the same name as the ugliest person on the planet.”
Mona bites back a chuckle. He was so petty and for what reason?
“Oh,” Mona replies, her eyes staring down at his hands as he does his signature. “I see.” She doesn’t really. She doesn’t see why he hates her so much but she guesses it doesn’t matter, guesses she’ll never truly know and really, what does it matter? Nothing would ever happen between her and Scaramouche anyway; she’s fine with the idea of him hating the idol Mona Megistus but being indifferent to fan Mona, she supposes. It’s as good as she’s going to get.
“Thank you.” Mona says calmly as she takes her album back from his waiting hands, pushing down all the nerves that threaten to crawl up her throat.
Scaramouche’s eyes follow her hands before they trail up and land on the little plush of himself that hangs off of her bag, a grin making its way across his face as he leans forward and grasps the plush between his fingers.
Mona hears everyone else in the room gasp and the sound of camera shutters as she fights off her own gasp that threatens to slip from her mouth. Mona, instead, just stares at him as his eyes remain glued to her and she’s beyond glad that she wore these ridiculous sunglasses like Lumine had recommended because she thinks she might’ve melted into a puddle on the floor if he had been looking directly into her eyes. An emotion she can’t quite place flashes across his face for a brief second before he’s acting like it never happened.
“Cute,” He says, relaxed – like he isn’t mere centimeters away from her. “You bias me?”
Mona doesn’t trust her words. She nods instead.
“Good choice.” He smirks at her, letting go of the plush and leaning back in his chair and Mona thinks that he looks far, far too attractive right now.
“T-thanks,” Mona stutters after a hesitant breath. “It was nice to meet you.”
Scaramouche’s smirk grows bigger if possible.
“You too,” He says, watching her every move as she begins to walk away. “I’m looking forward to meeting you again.”
Mona looks back at him instantly, her eyebrows raised before she forces herself to look away but the smirk on his face haunts her thoughts.
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆
Shortly after her album is signed, Mona finds herself walking back to the entrance of the building, feeling giddy in a way that she hasn’t felt in years, but the giddiness soon passes and is instead replaced with a twinge of anxiety, because as she takes a seat in one of the chairs lined up along the barren hallway, what she was doing and where she was and who she was hits her all over again.
She stares up at the sterile white ceiling as the sounds of excited Legacy fans echo throughout the entire building. Her fully signed Legacy album is clutched firmly between her hands and forces down the smile that threatens to make its way across her face, because it’s exactly then that everything really, really sets in for her – what on earth was she doing? What on earth was she thinking, turning up to a fan sign event of Legacy? She must be out of her mind.
Excited fans hurry past her, their own albums clutched in their hands as they squeal their excitement to each other. Mona can’t reject the smile that tries to grace her face this time, watching as they eagerly talk about where they’re going next – some decide to go get coffee together, tired after lining up for hours on end, others decide to head home and some aren’t even fully sure on what their plans are yet but one thing remains the same with all of them – the joy they all feel from the signed albums they now own.
Mona knows her plans for the rest of her day. She’s going home, stuffing her now signed album into her cupboard and acting like this day never happened, acting like she was never here to begin with. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but she knows she has to do it.
She knows that she has to pretend Mona Megistus was never, ever at the Legacy fansign.