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akirakurusu: i miss my friends.
akirakurusu: where did you all go? i miss you guys. can you come back already?
ryujisakamoto: the hell are you talkin about man lol were all here
anntakamaki: He's probably talking about some show
anntakamaki: or doing that thing. Where he's cryptic on purpose
ryujisakamoto: bad joke
akirakurusu: i miss my friends. i miss my friends.
akirakurusu: it's like you people are just. shadows. just what i want you to be. i don't like it. i don't like it one bit can you go back to being annoying and lovable and real and human please
akirakurusu: fucking video game npcs or something you all act like im the main character
haruokumura: Akira, are you okay? You sound unwell :(
akirakurusu: where did you go. where did you all go? i miss. i miss it i miss it and i don't understand what happened. please. this isn't real you people aren't my friends i miss my friends
makotonijima: Kurusu, do you need someone to come over? You sound like you're going through some mental break right now.
anntakamaki: if i need to come over and remind u that i'm real then i will!
haruokumura: I as well! It pains me to hear you say this
yusukekitagawa: You know that i am always there when you need it.
ryujisakamoto: yaaah were all here man just let us know
futabasakura: i'll wipe my calendar to visit you akira!!!!!!
akirakurusu: thanks.
-
it feels like he's hanging off the edge of a building and the only thing keeping him from diving off the edge is the man pushing him off the edge.
"this isn't real, right?" akira asks to the open air, in the midst of falling. a corpse beside him answers his question.
"it's not."
-
aki: sumire can you come over to leblancs i need to talk to you
sumi: senpai?
sumi: that… isnt my name.
aki: right. sorry. kasumi
aki: i need to talk to you. like. now. can you come over?
sumi: are you okay, senpai?
sumi: you sound unwell… i'll be over as quick as i can!
aki: ok.
-
"akira!" goro calls, with an outstretched arm. the look on his face is undistinguishable. "don't – don't jump!"
the goro akechi akira knows would push him off without hesitation. right? or maybe goro would pull him back in a panic. or maybe he'd shoot him right then and there where there's no witnesses to call. the goro akechi he knows is not the goro akechi he knows. there are too many goro akechi's to keep track of: there's the one on tv with boyish charm and innocent faces; there's the one in the metaverse with a princely outfit and a calculating attitude; there's that second one in the metaverse with a crazed manic look in his eyes that jumps at the sight of blood; there's the goro akechi reserved for private nights in leblanc, nights where akira pulls him into a hug and says, "i won't choose any reality where you're dead."
mistake.
-
akirakurusu: born again.
-
ryuji visits him on the 23rd, patting his shoulder and saying they should go for a run. he agrees with shakily composure that melts away by the second every time ryuji breaks into a fast paced sprint.
"isn't this what you wanted?" goro akechi says. he shakes his head – no, he didn't want this, didn't want this fake reality built in a childish view of the world. he hates this. ryuji isn't perfect; he's real – and goro akechi only looks at him with pity and sighs.
-
akirakurusu: born again.
yusukekitagawa: You've been saying that to me for the past few days; I've been trying to understand what it means, but my efforts have been for naught.
yusukekitagawa: I was wondering if you'd be willing to explain.
akirakurusu: i'll definitely be born again…
akirakurusu: even after all this, i'll be born again. that's what i'm counting on. if i'm born again there's nothing to be afraid of.
akirakurusu: i will be born again. i must.
yusukekitagawa: I think I understand.
yusukekitagawa: I feel the same way.
akirakurusu: you do?
yusukekitagawa: Yes. I failed to put it into words, so I tried to express it through art as brilliantly as I could.
yusukekitagawa: The canvas always remained dull to me, though. "Born again". What a simple phrase.
yusukekitagawa: Yet the meaning behind the words… I understand completely.
akirakurusu: somehow i knew you'd get it
akirakurusu: you've always been the most… what, i don't know. poetic?
yusukekitagawa: I will take it as a compliment.
akirakurusu: ahah, good. it was meant to be.
-
yusuke invites him over and they both stumble over paints and watercolors for an hour, then two, then five. they look back on their work – mostly yusuke's, with a hint of akira's touch.
born again,
it says, in uneven letters, with bold paint strikes behind it. like an explosion. or an implosion.
"i thought," yusuke says, after they study the painting some more, "that surely, we had done more for the canvas than this. is my perspective skewed?"
"mm, no," akira mutters, running his hands through the black, striking letters, smearing the paint all over the place. yusuke doesn't mind. in fact, he seems to like the extra touch. "i think i feel that way, too."
-
"akira," goro says, lightly, a hand around his neck. "you'll jump off for me, won't you?"
"mmm…" akira checks the height. the building is up so far he can't even see the ground, just black endlessness with clouds circling the middle. "maybe i will."
-
yusuke, akira, and ann meet up to do some shopping. ann wanted to bring shiho along, but she was busy with volleyball training.
ann shows them an outfit. uncharacteristically, yusuke seems distracted in a different way than normal. instead of taking in his surroundings as if he will create a most marvelous piece at home, he shuffles in place, swaying from side to side, eyes blank and empty as if he's dead.
akira gives ann a thumbs up. "are you okay?" he asks yusuke, when he retreats into the dressing room; yusuke looks at him and he is nothing short of horrified.
"born again." yusuke says. "born anew, in different skin and flesh, peeled behind the taut muscle."
"what?" akira whispers, turning towards him, grabbing his wrists. "what? keep talking."
"born again…" yusuke looks at the middle distance, away from akira but somehow away from everything else too, as if he is in a different dimension altogether. "none of this is real, is it?"
akira sobs.
-
goroakechi: Who'd throw away their own life for mine?
akirakurusu: i would
akirakurusu: in a heartbeat
goroakechi: That's stupid of you.
goroakechi: That dumb bleeding heart of yours will get you killed.
akirakurusu: not if you're a bitch abt it lol
goroakechi: Don't laugh. I'm serious. Stop caring about me, it'll only hurt you in the end.
akirakurusu: listen
akirakurusu: i kno ur gonna disappear on the 3rd, or maybe the day after
akirakurusu: as much as i hate it, i know
akirakurusu: dead people don't come back.
goroakechi: And yet.
akirakurusu: tbh maruki drives a hard bargain
akirakurusu: for you, i think i'd stay in this reality forever
goroakechi: Don't. Say such stupid fucking things.
akirakurusu: lol im not gonna though. since you wanna die so badly
goroakechi: You know that's not why i hate this reality.
akirakurusu: i kno its part of why you hate this reality
akirakurusu: when you disappear you gotta promise me we'll be born again
goroakechi: What the fuck does that even mean?
akirakurusu: idk
akirakurusu: heard it somewhere. think my local tarot reader told me about it. not relating to tarots tho lmao
akirakurusu: just. say it
goroakechi: Fine. When I finally die, I'll be born again.
akirakurusu: thanks
akirakurusu: i love you
-
yusuke needs so many cups of coffee. he drinks like a madman until akira has to cut him off for his own safety; he looks like he's going to vibrate the table to death, and he's clutching the fabric of his pants in a death grip.
"born again. born again." he cradles his head in his hands. akira scoots next to him in the booth, ignoring sojiro's stare. yusuke mumbles indescribably and akira leans on his shoulder.
"i get it. born again," yusuke says. "but – but really, i don't. what does it mean, akira? what does it mean? "
"i'm not exactly sure myself," akira says. "but. i'm glad you're back. i missed you."
"ah…" yusuke shudders and pulls his head closer to his elbows. "ahh… i was gone… i wasn't real, for a while, yet i was trapped in my own subconscious… how horrible… how deathly horrible…"
"i missed you," akira says. "i love you."
"i… love you as well…" yusuke mumbles, pale and shaken.
-
yusukekitagawa: I miss you all. It is like I cannot paint anymore, knowing that you all are trapped in your minds.
yusukekitagawa: If I scream at you to wake up, will you do so? I doubt it.
akirakurusu: yeah it wont work
yusukekitagawa: However. I feel I must try, if not for the sake of myself, to know that I at least made an attempt at saving them.
yusukekitagawa: Can any of you hear me? Can any of you truly, really hear me? Hear us? We are trying to reach out. We are trying to talk to you once again. I miss you. We miss you.
yusukekitagawa: I miss being able to talk with you all and knowing that it is truly real.
akirakurusu: i miss being able to go to shitty food places with ryuji and stuffing ourselves, haha.
yusukekitagawa: I miss being able to capture the image of Takamaki, not this cardboard cutout of her visual.
akirakurusu: i missplanting flowers.with haru
yusukekitagawa: i miss talking with futaba, even if it wasjusy meaningless arguements.
akirakurusu: i miss bithcing with makoto about goro lmaoooooo
yusukekitagawa: can you hear us? are we alive?
akirakurusu: born again.
-
Akira falls.