Work Text:
Hell Hath No Fury
CH1
A week, a week now she had been waking up before the good Lord above had even had his coffee and found herself retching behind some forsaken tree. Puking in camp wasn’t unheard of, between drinking, living on the run, or Pearson’s cooking, it was normal to have a member of this odd family of hers catch a stomach bug more often than not, but damn it all, this was the first for her.
Throat burning like a bad shot of whiskey, Blue steadied herself before leaning her back against the tree she had just violated, chest heaving slightly while she regained the breath that had been stolen from her. “What is this, day six now?” Blue jolted as she swung around, bringing her nausea swirling back, clutching her stomach, “Jesus Abigail, little warning next time you decide to follow me all the way out here?” she replied curtly. The older woman just snorted a short laugh, leaning against a tree with two cups of coffee in her hands, a faint smirk playing across her face as she handed the steaming cup to Blue’s disheveled form. Blue nodded a thanks towards her before grasping the dented tin cup and bringing it to her nose, inhaling the bitter smell that came as a saving grace, whisking away the scent and taste of last nights dinner that still invaded the back of her tongue. “Hell of a stomach flu going around, knew one would catch up to me eventually” she finally replied after taking a sip of coffee, wincing slightly as she waited to see how her unruly stomach would respond. “Sure, except for the fact that no one has been sick for weeks, and you haven’t left camp recently enough to have brought something back with you” the same telltale smirk pulled at the corners of Abigail’s lips, not once faltering even as Blue shot a glare towards her. “It’s not impossible for someone to randomly come down with something Abigail, it happens all the time, I probably just ate something that disagreed with me” Abigail jerked her shoulder up into a shrug, “you could have, or a different type of bug could have taken up residence” her smirk slowly turning into a side mouthed smile. Blue sighed sadly, leaning the back of her head against the tree as she looked up at the fading stars, “you know what the doctor said…The chances of me being fertile after everything I went through are slim to none” she explained, barely above a whisper. Abigail’s smile melted away, stepping forward and reaching to place a loving hand on the young girls shoulder, she stared at her for a moment, watching her eyes scan the sky with something she couldn’t place her finger on, sadness? Maybe, Hope? Not so much, possibly a flash of anger. The girl had become somewhat of a little sister to Abigail over the years, she knew her history, she knew what those men had done to her and how when Dutch brought her to the doctor after finding her, he explained she would be okay, but her chances of having children in the future weren’t in her favor. “slim, Blue, but not impossible, besides the way you two roll around like animals in heat constantly, I really wouldn’t be that surprised” Blue finally huffed a small laugh then, she’d normally blush at a comment like that, but Abigail was the closest thing to a sister she’d ever had. “you’re one to talk missy, if you and Marston aren’t busy barking each other’s heads off you’re just as loud as Arthur and I” she chuckled as she pushed herself off the tree and slowly started walking back towards camp, Abigail following behind. Dipping her fingers into her now lukewarm coffee and flicking the liquid at Blue playfully, “I’m just sayin’, aint’ nothing wrong with going to a doctor just to get things checked out, better safe than sorry”
The two women tiptoed back into camp and hugged briefly before parting and making their way to their own tents, not wanting to wake anyone else as there was still an hour or two before the sun began to make its appearance. Blue’s stomach twisted around itself, not with nausea, but nerves. The possibility of having something that she was told had been stolen from her was something she couldn’t fathom. Her worry melted away when she entered her tent to see Arthur still sleeping soundly, he was sprawled out on his stomach, obviously taking advantage of the space she had left when she made her brisk exit an hour earlier. His arms folded under his head and one leg hanging off the side of the cot, she leaned against the tent pole and watched his back rise and fall with his slow breathing, not even realizing as she began to match her breaths to his. She loved how calm his face was when he slept, it seemed to be the only time he ever looked relaxed, his eyebrows even and settled instead of scrunched together in the permanent scowl he loved to brandish. His jaw slack and relaxed, allowing his lips to be parted slightly instead of the thin line they always seemed to be set into. She grabbed the collar of his jacket she was wearing and buried her face into it, inhaling his scent as she squeezed her eyes shut, biting back all the possibilities swirling around her head, she wasn’t used to good things gracing her presence, nearly everything that had happened before Arthur and Dutch had saved her those seven years ago was nothing but heartbreak, pain, an turmoil.
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Sitting on the floor folding linens with her mother, the fire light basking a warm glow on the cozy space of their living quarters, they chatted about their day. Blue going on and on about her excitement of starting her internship as pony assistant at the post office the next morning and her mother playfully rolling her eyes, wishing her only daughter would have chosen something more feminine as a job interest. At nineteen years young, she didn’t understand why her child was so interested in getting involved with a job anyways. Suddenly the door to their simple cabin burst open, revealing Blue’s father, pale as a ghost, with eyes wide and a layer of sweat spread across his face. His chest heaving in pure fear, he loudly whispered for his wife and child to hide, Blue and her mother exchanged worried glances to each other before turning their attention back to the patriarch. His eyes darted between the two of them, before glancing over his shoulder, turning back with tears welling in his eyes, the only thing he could choke out was the single name that everyone in that area feared the most. “Murfrees!” Blue’s heart dropped into her stomach, scrambling to her feet and rushing to her mother before the two of them ran into the back bedroom while her father locked the front door and went for the gun safe. They had barely shuffled themselves under the bed before they heard the front door crash open and the crack of her fathers shot gun. Blue pressed her forehead into the floor and covered her ears, trying to drown out the sound of the yelling and scuffling in the front room, before all went quiet. Just as she uncovered her ears and looked into her mothers fear riddled eyes, the bedroom door slammed open, Blue let out a startled yelp before her mother snapped a hand over her mouth but it was too late. Blue felt a pair of rough hands wrap around her ankles as she and her mother were drug from under the bed, kicking and crying as the attackers laughed and grabbed her by the hair, ripping her off the ground and onto her feet. They ushered her and her mother back into the front room where her father was tied to a chair and gagged, a small stream of blood leaking from a split in his skin just above his left eye. Blue’s wild eyes darted around her once peaceful home as everything seemed to move in slow motion. One man stood by the front door holding her fathers shot gun while four more moved around the house, breaking and ransacking anything they could find, shoving various items and family heirlooms into sacks they carried. The two men holding her and her mother kicked the back of their legs and brought them to their knees in front of her father, suddenly all the other bandits turned their attention to them. Their eyes vicious and hungry as they set down their sacks and circled the small family. Blue’s fathers heavy breathing turned into gut wrenching screams as the men pounced her and her mother like coyotes on a kill. Suddenly everything snapped back into real time, as the men tore at her clothes and pushed her further to the floor, one man held her legs, the other her arms. She writhed and sobbed as she heard her mother and father plead and cry around her, the smell of blood and sweat filled her nose and the cold night air suddenly rippled over her now bare body. She felt a heavy weight, she raised her head to find one of the men climbing up her body, a sickening sneer of yellowed teeth lowering itself down into her neck as a sharp stab of what felt like a dull knife ripping through her suddenly invaded her senses as the man stole her innocence. Her father kicked and flailed and pleaded as his wife and child’s bodies were taken by force in front of him, his eyes closed and his head rolled backwards with a heartbreaking sob, until the man guarding the door grabbed him by the hair and forced his head forward, forcing him to watch as he chuckled into his ear. Blue had lost her will at that point, closing her eyes and lying still, just waiting for the bullet between her eyes to end this hell that never came. She laid there drowning out the noises for what felt like an eternity before sure enough, two gunshots rippled through the air, but much to her disappointment, her eyes opened as she was drug out of the house by her hair. Finally taking in the surroundings around her, she wailed as she saw her fathers head on the ground, no longer attached to his bound body, and her mothers lifeless, naked body on the floor, holding eye contact with her as the bullet hole through her head spilled blood over her beautiful face. The last thing Blue saw was her home going in flames as she was thrown into a cage in the back of one of the wagons as the butt of a shotgun connected with the back of her head.
It had been what she thinks was a week since everything she knew and loved was stolen from her. She had been used by numerous men every night since, no longer having the energy to fight back, she became numb to every touch of their hateful hands, every sound of their grunts and groans. Her body had withered into nothing from lack of nutrients, the Murfree’s couldn’t be bothered to properly feed their plaything, casually tossing her old bits of meat or sludgy water whenever they felt she didn’t give them enough of a show while they used her. She was curled up in the corner of her cage in the wagon as they moved along the road, wearing nothing but her shame and sadness as the midnight air sent chills down her spine. The gang were moving camp yet again. The wagon rocked and swayed enough to almost send her in to a few minutes of sleep before she heard a voice she did not recognize call out into the night. “you’ll stop your wagon right there and lower your guns if you don’t want no one hurt!” Blue didn’t even have a moment to raise her self to the side of the wagon to peer out before all hell broke loose. Gun fire and screaming horses filled her ears as she turned to curl herself into the smallest ball she could, tucking herself into the corner while the fight went on. Suddenly there was silence, she heard men talking amongst themselves, but not in the broken hillbilly language that the Murfree’s used. “Charles! Move any bodies you can into the bushes, John, you ride up the road a ways and stand guard, turn anyone around who seems too curious, Arthur, go check the wagons in the back” Blue slowed her breathing as she heard footsteps plodding along the side of her wagon, hoping to God the man would pass her by and not notice the small, shivering form pressed into the corner. He grunted as he heaved himself up into the wagon, pushing around boxes and looting through the odd and broken things the Murfree’s liked to keep with them. Blue’s chattering teeth are what gave her away, she cursed herself as the mans large shoulders stopped rummaging, then slowly turned his lantern towards her cage. “Dutch! Looks like they had a captive!” he called out with a loud, booming voice that sounded like his throat was made of sand, he lowered his lantern as he moved closer, squinting his eyes as he tried to wrap his mind around the sad sight before him. “Jesus Christ” he muttered to himself, when he saw the small woman cowering in the corner, eyes wild like a trapped animal, her hair matted and caked to her head, dark black and yellow bruised shaded her body and around her eyes, streams of dried blood cascaded down her thighs. Dutch rounded the corner then, hopping into the wagon himself, moving forward to place himself beside Arthur who was now crouched, the lantern placed onto the ground as he held his hands up in front of him. Blue’s chest heaved as he used the back of his pistol to break the lock, holstering the weapon before speaking calmly and quietly to her. “easy now miss, We’re not gonna hurt you, The men who had you are dead, you come with us now and we’ll make sure you’re taken care of” With the agility of a wildcat, Blue lunged forward and snatched Arthur’s revolver out of his gun belt, aiming it at the two men with shaking hands. Arthur and Dutch jumped back, Dutch quickly retrieving his own pistol and pointing it towards the girl, “Dutch no…wait” Arthur placed a hand over Dutch’s gun while still holding his other towards Blue, his eyes never leaving hers. Blue looked between the two men and let out a broken sob, pointing the gun to her own head and falling to her knees, she’d be damned to hell before she became a slave to another group of outlaws. Before she could pull the trigger, Arthur sprung towards her and in one swift movement, grabbed the gun from her hand before sliding it behind him towards Dutch, and encased Blue in his arms. She fought wildly against him, screaming and scratching, biting at his hands “shh, shh darlin’ you’re safe now, I gotcha, you’re alright” Blue just didn’t have it in her anymore, she hadn’t eaten in days and her body was broken. With one last quiet sob, she crumpled into Arthur. Breathing heavily, her ears began to ring and her vision clouded, “please…just kill me” was the last thing Arthur heard her croak out before she went limp in his arms.
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Blue slid Arthurs Jacket off her shoulders and tucked it neatly into on of their crates. She shivered slightly as the warmth abandoned her, she sauntered over to their cot as quickly as possible without waking her sleeping beast, Arthur huffed and draped his arm over her waist once he felt her slide in next to him. She laughed quietly as he grumbled something about Bill being an idiot in his sleep talk. She laid her head near his chest and let the strong thrumming of his heartbeat lull her back into her safety, lightly touching her fingertips to her belly, and silently prayed that Abigail wasn’t wrong.
CH2
Days had passed and Blue’s early morning appointments with trees had barely subsided. Abigail’s words kept ringing through her mind, relentlessly battling with logic. When the Murfree’s had her, they didn’t just use their bodies against her. Beer bottles, old animal bones, or iron rods heated in the fire were just to name a few. After the doctor had completed his exam, she was told there was too much trauma and scarring for a pregnancy to take. It’s something she had come to terms with long ago, and yet here she was, with almost two weeks of morning sickness and aching muscles to wipe away everything she had known to be true about her body. Her thoughts were pulled back to reality as she felt a large hand press into the small of her back.
She blinked a few times, raising her head from the dishes she was half washing to see Arthur now beside her, placing his breakfast bowl into the crate while looking to her with slight concern drawn across his face. “You alright Darlin’?”
Blue flicked her head to the side, doing her best to sweep the long strands of dark hair that had fallen from her bun out of her face, “I’m fine love, just thinkin’ bout the chores I need to get done today.”
She did her best to smile at him, unfortunately, Arthur could see right through her. He had been watching her more closely these last few days, noticing the dark circles that were beginning to form under her eyes, how she’d stop and set down things she was carrying to stretch her back and catch her breath. Things that normally wouldn’t phase her suddenly becoming more of a struggle.
He drummed his fingers softly against her back, thinking for a moment whether to press the matter or just let it be, deciding on the latter, he leaned forward and lowered his voice, “I have to make a run into town for some supplies, what do you say I sneak you outta here for a few hours, give you a break.”
Blue smiled fully then, playfully jutting her elbow into his ribs, “Mr. Morgan, it sounds to me like you’re trying to distract me from my duties, whatever will Ms. Grimshaw think when she notices the laundry hasn’t been hung?”
Kissing her Temple, Arthur swooped her up bridal style and started towards his horse, “Well then Miss... guess the old crone is just gonna have to have a talk with me.” Blue swallowed down the sudden nausea Arthur had caused with his swift movement, steadying her self by wrapping her soapy hands around his neck, giggling as he placed her on the ground just long enough to place his hands over her hips and lift her onto his horse behind the saddle. After settling himself in front of her, Arthur turned his steed towards the road that lead out of camp and clicked his tongue to send it into a brisk walk. Blue wiped the remaining soap onto her skirt before wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her forehead against his back, closing her eyes and inhaling his familiar scent of sweat and dust. Sometimes it still caught in her mind that she was able to touch him this way. The beginning of their relationship beyond friends always seeming like it was just yesterday, but years ago all the same.
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Blue had been in the Van Der Linde camp for a little over a month now, nightmares finally beginning to subside as she adopted a daily routine of her own. She remembered how her heart dropped when she woke up in a new place, the first thing she saw passed the entrance to what she assumed was the tent she was in, being multiple men sat around a campfire. She was about to up and run when a soft hand of a young woman was placed across her forehead. Light and airy words of encouragement serenading her ears as she eyed her surroundings, finding herself indeed in a tent, with about four other young women who looked to be close to her age. Faces all drawn with concern and sadness. Now she was strangely beginning to feel at home around this mixing pot of vagrants. Always seeming to gravitate towards one in particular however. Being that Arthur was the first kind face she’d seen on a man since her father, she found herself always feeling the need to be within earshot of him. Despite his temper and brooding nature towards the other men in camp, he always seemed to have a softer, lower voice when he noticed she was around.
Blue felt that as long as he was there, she would be safe, protected, although from what exactly she wasn’t so sure anymore. But none the less, his presence left her feeling at ease within herself. What she didn’t realize, was the fact that Arthur paid just as much attention to her as he could, unbeknownst to her of course. Whenever he wasn’t out on jobs with the rest of the boys, he made sure he always kept an eye on her. He told himself he was just making sure she was settling well in her new surroundings, but deep down he knew it was beyond that, he had become drawn to her strength and will to survive. He knew the Murfree’s were ruthless, no good sons of bitches. He had heard the stories and seen the leftovers of their work and pillages, but after hearing the bits and pieces of Blue’s story from the rest of the girls and remembering how she looked when they had found her, he felt like someone had dropped a ball of lead into his stomach. Arthur knew he wasn’t a good man, his hands had seen more blood and bullets than he cared to admit, but to do those unspeakable things to another human being, let alone a woman, were just unfathomable to him.
He would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t notice himself becoming attracted to her as she healed and bloomed, not only physically, but her personality as well. She was a wild little thing. While the rest of the girls in camp made sure they kept to themselves and didn’t cause trouble. Blue made her presence known. Once she realized truly that no one here was going to hurt her, she had no trouble flaunting her new found confidence in herself. Although he could see right through her. The way her body would tense up if one of the boys stood too close to her in the dinner line, the way she dressed to cover every inch of skin even on sweltering days, the muffled cries he’d hear coming from her tent some nights. There were times he just wanted to go to her, wrap her into himself the same way he had the night he found her, but she’d already had her fair share of rough and ugly men for multiple lifetimes, so he was happy enough just to have her with them, watching as she began to rediscover who she was.
Until one day, as he was saddling his horse, getting ready for the day ahead, her soft footsteps approached behind him, pausing before she quietly called to him, her voice barely above a whisper. She damn near froze in place when he turned to her, she knew he was a large man, but standing this close to him he seemed to loom over her like a redwood tree.
After what felt like eternity, she finally found her voice, “ I, um… I made something for you..” her trembling hands lifted up the braided leather rope she had spent hours on, weaving it tightly so it was thin enough to tie what ever need be onto a saddle. The leather strips dyed various colors of greens and browns. Arthur waited a moment before reaching out to her, careful to move slowly and stop his hands before they reached hers, giving her the control of when their hands would touch. She swallowed thickly and moved to meet him the rest of the way, her skin burning as her fingers brushed his while she placed the rope into his large, calloused palms. He ran his fingers along the frayed ends of the braided leather, his heart thumping wildly as he looked up to meet her eyes and for once she held his gaze, instead of shifting them away like she normally would. It was as if it was the first time he truly saw her. Her long dark hair, now clean and brushed away from blood and dirt blowing softly across her olive skin. Her eyes rivaled the deep green of the forests with weaving lines of golden brown.
He realized then that he was staring, he internally cursed himself before clearing his throat.“I, uh, Thanks miss Blue, this is-“
“Just Blue.”
Arthur blinked back up towards her, “ What?”
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “ You can just call me Blue, ‘miss’ makes me sound fancy, and I aint’ anything close.”
Arthur smirked at her softly, “Ain’t nothin’ round here very fancy I reckon.”
Blue surprised even herself when she smiled then, a real and true smile that hadn’t graced her face for what felt like ages. Arthur felt something ignite inside of him, he didn’t know what he had done to make her face light up that way, but damn it all if he didn’t want to do it over and over again until the good lord called him home. Instead he just tipped his hat to her and mounted his horse, taking the leather rope and securing it in place before smiling one last ‘thank you’ and turning towards the road. Once he was out of range, Blue finally released the breath she didn’t realize she had been holding, her stomach flipped somersaults as she turned heel back towards camp. The day went on as usual and she had finally calmed herself down when she walked into her tent that evening, stretching away the days chores and ready to bed down for the night.
When she noticed a small glass vial on her desk, stuffed with different sprigs of plants and tree leaves, sitting on top a note scrawled with, “ain’t many flowers around this time of year. -Arthur”
She sat on her bed holding the note in her hands, reading the messy writing repeatedly while a small flame lit inside her. She felt the one thing she swore had been stolen from her forever, and she didn’t try to push it away.
She felt hope.
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Arthur pulled his horse to a halt in front of the general store, offering Blue his hand as she hopped to the ground. He hitched up before turning to her and smiling, “I have a few things to get done round here, you keep yourself out of trouble.”
Blue scoffed and rolled her eyes playfully, “it’s like you don’t even know me at all.” Arthur grunted a wordless response, giving her a quick kiss and patting her on the behind before turning away. Blue waited until he was out of sight before glancing over to the doctors building, fighting a battle within to even give herself the idea walking in. Before she knew it though, she was in the examination chair, eyes constantly darting out the window and praying Arthur didn’t pass by.
“Ma’am…Ma’am did you hear me?” Blue blinked as she turned her attention back to the doctor, who was at the sink washing his hands.
“I’m sorry, Doctor, what were you saying?”
The Doctor dried his hands before turning back to Blue with a wide smile, “I said you’re probably about three months along, I’m surprised your symptoms didn’t appear sooner.” Blue’s mouth went dry and it felt as if the life had been sucked from her veins.
“B-but, the doctor that I saw years ago told me I couldn’t get pregnant after everything…everything that had happened..”
The doctors smile faded, and he sat down next to her before taking her hand in his and patting it softly, “I wont lie to you my dear, this won’t be easy.”
Blue snorted, “Ain’t nothin’ in my life ever been easy.”
The Doctor continued, “You may have some complications that other women don’t experience, but as long as you take care of yourself and come see me as often as you can, I don’t see why this won’t work in your favor.”
Blue was waiting at Arthurs horse by the time he returned about a half hour later, he stopped a moment to watch as she brushed the animals coat, talking softly to it as she always did. He didn’t mean to startle her when he walked up beside her and slung the corn sack behind the saddle. “you’re gonna have to ride in front of me on the way home, didn’t realize Hosea put in such a big order.” He noticed her quiet demeanor, but knowing she didn’t like being pressed with questions he decided to let it be. Once they had mounted up, he couldn’t help but feel her body stiffen against him when he wrapped an arm around her waist and placed his hand on her stomach. He sighed as he realized this was another one of those times he was going to have to just let her work out her feelings, and she would come to him if needed, just like she always does.
CH3
As soon as they had returned to camp, Blue began silently helping Arthur unload the supplies. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the way she felt. Arthur had had a son once before, long ago, even before she came around, but the child and his mother were killed during a robbery and she knew it was something that haunted him to this day. The girls had told her how Arthur went missing for weeks after that, drinking himself into a stupor and staying as far away as he could. He never forgave himself for not being there to protect them. He wasn’t with the boy’s mother, but he visited them as often as he could to check in and give her money.
It had been a mutual, unspoken understanding between Arthur and Blue that the two of them would be enough for each other. On one hand because she was told she couldn’t get pregnant, on the other, Arthur knew he wouldn’t be able to survive the possibility of the past repeating itself. The last thing Blue wanted was to bring something into Arthur’s already complicated world that he didn’t want. He carried so much weight on his shoulders, what with being the gangs main enforcer and head gun. It was like each day was a new opportunity for him to take on as much as he could to make up for the sins of his past, and sometimes present. Blue felt almost ashamed that her body had betrayed her this way, she tried to find any strand of excitement or happiness within her, but it was hidden deeply behind pillars of anger and fear.
She was walking the sack of goods over to the storage wagon when Abigail caught her eye a few feet away, she looked to Blue with questioning eyes as she scanned her face. Blue stopped in her tracks, looked down with a deep sigh, then met Abigail’s gaze and nodded her head. Abigail’s eyes widened, and she slowly lifted a hand to her mouth, she glanced over to where Arthur was speaking with Dutch, then back to Blue, who at that point was frantically shaking her head before she kept walking. Abigail felt like she was frozen in place, the past and the present swirling around her like a storm. Both Blue and Arthur had gone through things that most people wouldn’t have survived. She had known Arthur almost her whole life. She watched him transform from the rough and tumble teenager, to the hot-headed young man, to the quiet, short tempered man he is today. She never thought he’d find happiness within himself, until Blue came along. And even that took its sweet time, understandably so.
Blue absentmindedly organized the canned goods for the third time in the twenty minutes they’d been back. She heard Arthur plod up behind her and a twinge went down her spine when he spoke her name. She hated herself, for years the sound of his voice had been music to her ears, but now it just filled her with panic at the thought of facing him and having to act like nothing was wrong. That nothing had changed and that she wasn’t terrified of every move she made. She knew she had to tell him, but she needed time. She finally turned to him and instantly softened at his blue eyes scanning her face. She always marveled at how a single pair of eyes held so much within them, years and years of exhaustion, anger, and pain. Layered over with kindness, peace, and love, but always twinkling with a light of fire that could ignite at any moment if provoked.
He stood before her and grabbed the can of vegetables from her hand, placing it onto the floor of the wagon before snaking his arms around her waist and lacing his fingers behind her. He pulled her close and pressed his nose to the top of her head, “Dutch needs me to go on a scout mission up north, I’ll be gone for a few days, week at most.” Blue felt a wave of relief wash over her, not that she wanted him to leave, but this would give her the time to gather her thoughts and figure out the best way to tell him that their life would never be the same.
She looked up to him and cupped his face in her hands, his stubbled cheeks pricking her thumbs as she ran them over his skin. “when do you leave?”
Arthur kissed her forehead and sighed, “Soon as I get my stuff packed up, rather go sooner than later.” He hated leaving her. Before she graced his life, he loved when he got to go on jobs that would take him days or weeks away from camp, breathing in the wilderness and worrying about nothing but himself and his horse. Now with Blue, even though she had been safe with him and camp for years, he always felt uneasy leaving her behind.
She saw the worry flash across his eyes and pressed her thumbs against his cheekbones just enough to bring his attention back to her, “I’ll be here when you get back.” She smiled brightly at him and all her worry left her mind when he pressed his lips to hers, breathing her in like it was the last breath he would take. It still surprised her how his kiss made her heart feel like it was coming to life for the first time, she felt tears sting behind her closed eyes when she thought of how far they’d come. How there once was a time when even though she yearned for his touch, a mere brush of his hand would send violent images racing through her mind, how every day was a fight just to be held. Blue sighed against him before he pulled away, once he turned, she smiled and pressed her palm to her abdomen and thought maybe, just maybe things would be okay. She hummed to herself and headed to their tent to begin packing Arthur’s things.
As Arthur trudged towards his horse, head down and lost in his thoughts, his breath caught in his throat as he ran into a small form who just happened to be a Miss Abigail Roberts. He grunted an apology as he bent down to pick up the wicker basket she was carrying.
Annoyed, she turned to him, “Well excuse you fo-ARTHUR!”
The man nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden exclamation of his name, “Sorry bout that Abigail, didn’t mean to startle ya.” He muttered as he handed the basket back towards her.
The poor thing just stood there wide eyed for a moment before her mind finally kicked into gear and reached out for her laundry, her hands stumbling slightly as she took it from him. “n-no, you’re fine Arthur, just…wasn’t expectin’ you is all.”
She suddenly squeaked at her choice of words, “I mean, no! not expecting… more like.. um.” Her eyes darted around her, praying for a way to escape from this horribly awkward situation before she let something loose.
The poor gunslinger just stood there like he was staring at a woman gone mad, trying to put together the bits and pieces of words that continued to spill from her lips. “Miss Roberts.. you feelin’ alright?”
Abigail finally snapped her mouth shut, glancing over Arthur’s should to see Blue standing in the entrance to her tent, silently mouthing obscenities towards her and swinging her arms to motion her away. Arthur began to follow Abigail’s eyes, slowly going to turn his head before she finally blurted, “FINE!” loud enough to now have drawn everyone else’s attention in the process.
Blue sighed and clapped her hands over her face before glaring back to Abigail and sternly pointing her finger, motioning to get away from the very confused Arthur. Abigail swallowed hard and gave Arthur a firm nod before turning heel and speed walking away without another word. He stood there blinking at her absence for a moment, before glancing over to John with a quirked eyebrow, only to gain a confused shrug from the man who had been leaning on a tree a few yards away.
The second Abigail stepped into her tent she let out her lungs into an audible sigh. Dropping the basket to the ground and holding the back of her hand to her forehead. Only to have her breath stolen from her once more as Blue crashed into the small space. “Are you crazy?! What on earth was that!”
Abigail spun around so quick her eyes went blurry for a moment, only to rest on the younger woman’s scowling face, “You know full well how terrible of a liar I am Blue! When are you going to tell that man that you-“
Blue snapped a hand over Abigail’s mouth, knowing she wasn’t aware just how loud they were speaking to one another. She took a small breath before lowering her tone, “I’m gonna tell him Abigail, I am…When he gets back.”
Abigail wrapped her fingers around Blue’s small wrist, bringing her hand down and holding it gently, “Back? Back from where?”
“Dutch is sending him on a scouting trek up north, he should be gone no longer than a week, that gives me plenty of time to wrap my mind around all this and figure out a way to break the news.”
Abigail frowned, looking over Blues face as she nervously brought her bottom lip between her teeth and looked to the ground, she gathered both the girls hands in hers then, squeezing them softly, “Honey, that baby is comin’ whether your thoughts are together or not, and Arthur deserves to know, this is something you two should be goin’ through together.”
Blue finally met her eyes, stinging tears clouding her view and threatening to spill over, her voice was barely above a whisper, “I’m scared, I’m so scared Abigail.. what if he hates me? What if he thinks we’ll be just one more thing he has to worry over, what if he thinks I’m trying to replace his first son, what if-“
She hadn’t realized the dam had broke at that point, wet streams streaking down her cheeks and off her chin. Abigail tugged her hands and pulled the shaking girl into her body, tightly wrapping her arms around her trembling shoulders.
“Oh Darlin’, are you blind? Have you seen the way that man looks at you? I’m pretty sure you could punch that brute square in the nose and he’d still treat you like you hung the stars in the sky.”
Blue choked out a short laugh as she buried her face into Abigail’s neck. The woman was right again, damn it. She remembered the time she brought home a rabbit she had shot for dinner using Arthur’s shotgun. He had said not a word when she proudly held up the mangled mess that was once an animal, he only beamed at her and told her how proud he was. Even though come dinner time he was pulling buckshot out of his mouth every few bites. He only casually taught her to hunt using a bow and rifle in the weeks following.
She lifted herself from Abigail’s shoulders and sucked in a shaky breath, blinking away the last of any stray tears, “You’re right, and I promise I am going to tell him. But I do want to wait till he comes back.” She repeated, “I don’t want to drop this into his lap right as he’s about to go out on a job, I want him to be able to focus and not worry about me when he’s gone.”
Abigail nodded and kissed her forehead, smiling calmly. Blue gave her a small smile in return before turning and heading back to her own tent. Grabbing Arthur’s saddle bags, she sauntered out to where he was tightening his saddle and loading the last few weapons onto Jasper. The dark bay gelding had his head hung low, busying himself on the stray weeds while keeping his hears turned behind him to Arthurs voice. She often wondered if the two of them shared a soul with how in tune they always were. The animal raised his head and nickered at her approach, tugging on his reins towards her knowing full well about the peppermints she always kept in her dress pockets for him. She grinned at the greeting as she reached her hand out to feel his prickled lips mesh into the palm of her hand to devour the sweet morsels.
“You need to quit spoilin’ the old bastard.” Arthur huffed adoringly. Watching as his strong steed seemed to melt like butter under Blue’s hands.
“I don’t spoil him any more than I spoil you.” She smiled back to him, giving Jasper one last pat on the neck before turning to the man beside her.
She held his saddle bags out to him, tightly packed with spare clothing and all his preferred snacks and rations. The corner of his mouth quirked upwards as he placed the leather bags on Jaspers rump, tying them in place with the worn leather binding Blue had given him years ago. He slid his foot into the stirrup and pulled himself up. Looking down, he gently took blue’s jaw into his hand and tilted her face up to meet his eyes. She gripped his calf, thumbs rubbing small circles through his jeans.
“You come back to me Morgan, you hear me?”
She rose up onto her toes to meet his lips as his hand brushed to the back of her neck, pulling her to him as he leaned over, never feeling like he was close enough.
“Always do Darlin’.”
Arthur was indeed gone for a week. Then two, then three. When the beginning of the second week rolled by, Blue’s nerves twinged just a little, but she figured he just got caught up in whatever he was doing. As the second week continued and pushed into the third, a cold weight shrouded her head and tangled itself around her heart. He was never gone this long with out planning to dso so in the first place, or at the very least sending a lteer explaining his prolonged absence. There hasd been no word from him and Blue was beside herself. She had finally rid herself of the anxiety of telling Arthur she was pregnsnt, even started to be excited for what was to come for them. Only for a new wave of fear to envelop her when almost a month had gone by without a sign from him. Not to mention the entire camp knew of her situation at this point. Karen had walked into Blue’s tent one morning while she was changing and cught sight of her small bump under her chamise, usually hidden by the loose shirts she had begun to wear. And once Karen knew something, its only a matter of time before everyone else did too. In a way, Blue was glad the secret was out, the stress of keeping something so life changing to herself, especially with Arthur gone, had been exhausting. Even more so now that she was starting to show. Her usually slender and toned stomach beginning to swell slightly, her hips holding a little more to them than before. As much as she was worried sick about Arthur, she was livid, of course he would choose this time in their lives to run off and die, or get arrested, or vanish into oblivion for all she knew. Her feelings towards the situation combined with her hormones made her a holy terror in camp.
Chapter ???
The sun had just set and evening was nestling between the trees, Arthur sat at one of the tables, absent mindedly jotting down the days exploring in that old worn journal of his. Most of the crew were off on some scheme, leaving the camp quieter than usual. Every now and then he would glance up and catch Blue’s eyes as she took down the laundry from the line. She would peak her eyes up and shyly smile back towards him. Something had changed after their trading of small gifts a few weeks earlier. It’s like a flower they both knew was there had finally started to sprout. Tiny, shy leaves peaking their way towards the sunlight. The days since then had been full of stolen glances and whispering touches. Letting fingers linger when exchanging items. The soft touch of shoulders when they’d walk together. The way her cheeks would turns a few shades darker when he would smile at her over the campfire, silently just acknowledging her presence. Arthur smirked to himself as he looked back down to his writing, and shook his head, what a fool he was becoming. His peaceful state of mind was soon broken when a drunk Micah stumbled from his tent after apparently drinking and sleeping the day away. Arthur frowned at him as the idiot sauntered passed him and gave him a half salute, Arthur had thought he had gone with the rest of the boys, and he was unfortunately mistaken. He closed his journal and straightened his spine when he noticed Micah drag his feet over towards Blue, who scowled at his sudden presence.
“Good ev’n my lady, you gots anything of mine?” He slurred to her, barely able to stay upright.
Arthur’s lip twitched, but he had seen Blue handle herself around the moron before, he sat back a bit and inwardly grinned when he saw that wild look in her eyes he had come to love.
“All I got for you Mr. Bell, are things I’m sure you wouldn’t want to pursue.” She turned her back to him, continuing to pull the last garments off the line at a quicker pace.
“Oh, I don’t know about that sweetheart, I think you just need to get to know me a lil’ better.” He moved closer behind her and ran a single finger from the base of her neck and down her spine. Blue went rigid at his touch, either he didn’t see Arthur sitting just a few yards away or he was just too drunk to care. Arthur felt a heat in his chest and he moved to stand, pausing only when Blue whirled around and spat in Micah’s face. Arthur was prepared to let out a laugh before all hell broke loose. The Fire in her eyes was quickly doused as Micah, in his drunken stupor, growled at her, his hand shooting up to grip her jaw tightly between his fingers. The painful grasp sent Blue reeling backwards, a horrid noise breaking from her throat at being touched in such a way again. Micah lost his balance at her sudden descent and gripped at her shoulder while trying to steady himself, tearing the long sleeve of her blouse down her arm as he did so and in his whiskey fueled state went stumbling over her as they both fell to the ground. All of Blue’s breath felt like it had been taken from her, she cried out terribly underneath the man who smelled of alcohol and filth, it was all too familiar. She didn’t even get a moment to try and fight him before an animalistic roar erupted from her left, and in an instant Arthur was barreling into Micah with enough force to knock him clean off Blue without so much as grazing her. She scrambled backwards as the bone crunching thuds sounded off beside her. She was hyperventilating at this point, clutching her chest as she desperately tried to bring any form of oxygen into her lungs. Within minutes, Arthur was in front of her, breathing heavily and holding his hands out to her. She jumped away from him at first, her throat tightening as it readied to cry out again, until she saw those beautiful blue orbs staring into her and settled immediately. Breath finally finding its way to her like waves on a shore. Her took her hands in his and lifted her up gently and began leading her shaking form towards her tent. He pulled away from her just long enough to shrug off his coat before facing her once they came to a standstill in front of the strung-up canvas she called home. Holding her eyes with his, he pulled it around her, only breaking eye contact to catch a glimpse at her now bare shoulder, his heart skipping at the view of deep lashes and scares carved into her flesh. She caught his sight and quickly reached to her torn sleeve, pulling it up to cover the skin which she had grown to hate. Painted with all the pictures of her past. She wrapped her arms around herself and tucked her chin low, staring down to her feet and shame washed over her. She felt Arthur’s body tense before her, and she was sure he was just as disgusted at the sight. She was just about to turn and disappear into her tent when she felt his fingers ever so softly make their way under her chin and place the smallest amount of pressure upwards as he raised her face to his. Her mind was reeling, she couldn’t understand why she wasn’t pulling away, why his touch didn’t bring the demons of her past dancing around her mind. She looked into his eyes and she didn’t see shock or revolt, just a sadness and a longing that was almost palpable. When she didn’t recoil, he moved his other hand towards her and just as gently placed it on the side of her face. Moving as if he were trying to calm a wild mustang. He needed in that moment, for her to know that she was safe, that touch didn’t have to hurt, that she was worthy of more than what she had been given. Her breathing slowed to something almost non-existent as she closed her eyes and leaned into his palm, the weight of her chains shattering and falling to the ground around her. It was when she felt the small puffs of his breath against her face that her soul seemed come back to life and embrace the moment his lips met hers. Her arms came from around herself, as her suddenly sure hands covered his own, not daring to reach further. The kiss was feather light but steady. Just enough for her to feel every word behind it without pushing her away. She felt him begin to pull back and she almost had to stop herself from chasing his mouth with her own. Her eyes fluttered open as his arm wrapped around her, moving her through the flaps of her tent before guiding her down to her cot. He kneeled in front of her and placed a strand of hair behind her ear, eyes never leaving hers. His voice was almost too much in that moment when he finally spoke, she jolted slightly at the sudden noise after what seemed like an eternity of blissful silence.
“You come wake me up if you need anything, alright?”
She blinked as she nodded at him, words failing to find their way past her lips. He stroked a single calloused thumb over her cheek before standing, lighting the lantern on her desk, and exiting. It was only after he’d left that she clicked back into herself and realized she was still wearing his jacket, she curled her fingers into it and brought it up to her face, inhaling the intoxicating scent of smoke and mint. She felt a flame ignite inside her. One she had never felt before, not in this way. She stood and began shedding the jacket and her torn dress, leaving her only in her silk chemise. She wrapped herself back into Arthurs jacket and Fell onto the bed with a frustrating sigh. The warmth that enveloped her almost bare body left her mind fighting with urges she didn’t know were possible. She tried and tried to find sleep, but it eluded her. All she wanted was to chase this feeling in her core before it ran and never came back. She trembled at the thought, of his hands, his lips, finding all the secrets of her body she had kept locked away. It’s like he had found a key to open her heart and her mind to a world she never thought would exist for her. Hours of tossing a turning had her finally sitting up straight, standing and moving to her mirror. She stared into her own eyes and saw her past, her present, and the hope of her future that that one kiss had shown her was a possibility. She knew then it was now or never. And she knew Arthur had to be the one to open the door the rest of the way, so she could finally walk through.
She pulled the ribbon from her hair, letting what was left of her bun cascade across her shoulders. She went to remove the jacket to put something other than her chemise on but rather halted herself and blinked at the ground. She pulled it back over her bare shoulders before grabbing her lantern and letting her bare feet lead her out of her tent and across the wet grass towards Arthur’s sleeping quarters on the far edge of camp. She stopped just outside, her heart pounding in her chest as she pushed forward, her throat catching when she stepped inside and her eyes instantly fell to his. She wasn’t expecting him to be awake, it had been hours since he left her. He jumped slightly at the sudden presence in his space, sitting up and squinting his eyes passed the lantern before he realized who held it. He rushed to light his own at his bedside, his eyes finally finding her face as he stood to take her lantern from her hands, setting it on a crate beside her. His eyebrows furrowed at her frozen form and his heart sank at all the reasons why she would be coming to him at this hour. He had expected her to be long asleep after the ordeal from earlier.
“Blue? What is it, are you alright?” without thinking he took her hands in his, sweeping his thumbs across her skin.
And that was it, right there, that simple movement had every voice inside her telling her that this was right. She looked down to their hands, then back up to meet his eyes. And in one swift movement, she stepped back and inhaled a breath, letting his jacket fall from her shoulders and onto the ground.
“Darlin’ what are yo-“ His words caught in his throat, as she stood there in close to nothing with her eyes closed and her trembling breathes.
She finally opened her eyes and warmth washed over her at the sight on his face. He wasn’t disgusted, he wasn’t looking at her like she was prey. His eyes held shock but not from a bad place. She stepped forward and placed her hands on his shoulders, her sureness and confidence terrified her, but it’s also what continued to drive her forward.
Arthur finally found his words, stumbling around her he reached for his forgotten jacket on the floor and turned to put it back on her, “Blue I know what happened earlier tonight shook ya up but please, you don’t have to-“
“Arthur..”
Her voice felt like a lasso on every limb as he stilled instantly, her hands finding him again, holding his face in her palms as her eyes bore into him. Her voice was all but a whisper, “Please, Arthur I- I want to… Please”
His coat fell from his hands and slowly found their way to her hips as she reached up to touch her lips to his. Her skin fluttering under his touch, he followed as she led them back and towards his cot. She moved her hands down to where his shirt ended and slid her fingers underneath, meeting the warm skin of his hips. He hummed against her lips at her touch and deepened their kiss, softly bringing her bottom lip further into his mouth and firmly pressing his fingers into her. Her head was spinning, she almost wanted to laugh at her new-found boldness as every inch of her body seemed to melt, she barely realized where she was in the room before the back of her knees hit the edge of the cot. She jolted slightly, gripping Arthurs shoulders to balance herself only for him to grasp her elbows.
“Easy.”
The way his voice seemed to have dropped impossibly lower than his normal octave stirred something inside her, and before her thoughts could tell her otherwise, she was lifting his shirt up and over his head, he graciously raised his arms in her aid. Though he went rigid as she immediately stilled and gasped at what she saw before her, at the look on her face, the look of shock with sudden tears brimming her eyes as she reached out to touch his torso. Scars, just like the ones that littered her own body that she had grown to hate. Her fingers delicately traced the taut, smoothed line that streaked across his chest. And the other that almost formed a star over his collarbone. He relaxed under her touch, he released a breath as he raised his eyes to watch her marvel at the landmarks that his past had left on his skin. When she met his eyes again with something similar to a smile playing on her lips, he pulled her to him once more. Carefully reaching up and hooking a finger under the strap of her night gown and pulling it down over her shoulder. She broke his gaze and hid her face in his shoulder, he took this moment to softly place his lips against the skin where her neck met her shoulder, trailing kisses over every inch he could find. His hands moving from her hips to her lower back, pulling her flush against him. She relaxed in his arms, reaching up with her own hand to pull her other strap down until the thin silk dropped to the ground all together. Arthur smiled against her as he felt the redness heat from her shoulders up her neck and across her face. He turned his head to kiss her temple before whispering, “you’re beautiful.” Into her hair.
She brought her hands up to the back of his head as she drank in his words. Pulling him over her as she fell back into the bed. Instantly, something switched in her, having him over her like this, her body tensed against her will and that familiar sharp panic began to bubble in her chest, no matter how hard she tried to swallow it down. Arthur read her body like a book and calmly pulled away from her, he kept his eyes on her face as he scooted himself to sit on his cot with his back against the wall and legs stretched out in front of him, he reached his hands out to her, “C’mere, lets try this.”
She blinked a few times at him, not really believing a man could be this perfect. Raising herself and straddling his lap, her lips found his again as she gripped his jaw. The new position he placed them in made her feel like she wasn’t trapped, that she could move freely against him and pull back if needed, but she didn’t, and she ripped a low groan from his throat when she pressed her hips down into his own. Blue felt victorious at that, she smiled against his lips and rolled her hips against him again, relishing in the beautiful sounds she was bringing from him. Only to have her breath stolen from her as his hands found her breasts and rolled his thumbs over their peaks. She broke away as her head tossed back, arching her spine towards him even more when his lips caught her throat and worked their way down in open mouthed kisses. White light flashed behind her eyes as she panted above him, his tongue replacing where his thumb was as he worked it over her sensitive bud. She tangled her fingers into his hair and ground her hips down hard, letting out her first breathy moan when she felt the hard heat that was now pressing through his sleep bottoms and into her. She grabbed his face then, bringing his gaze back to her and she timidly grasped one of his hands and pushed it between her legs. His eyes scanned hers intensely, looking for any sign of faulter or hesitation, but he kissed her again when all he saw was eyes deep with need. She whined into his mouth when his fingers made contact