Chapter Text
(The End Of The World)
Cas and I don't fly far.
Just out the backdoor, still able to hear my moms inside the house.
That's a bad sign.
I don't know why, but I know it is.
After what just happened, what was just revealed; I don't think they plan to stay.
I shake my head and take a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.
“Soooo,” He grabs my hand, steadying me. That's normal. "Come for a walk with me," he suggests in an unemotional voice, a voice devoid of emotion. A voice hiding its emotions. That's not normal. Tugging my hand, he pulls me along.
I don't answer.
I can't think of a way to protest, but I instantly know that I want to. Have wanted to since we stepped into the house earlier.
Castiel doesn't wait for an answer.
He pulls me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroaches and I follows semi-unwillingly, trying to think through the panic starting to swallow me. So much has happened in so short a time. We've gone a few hundred paces into the trees when he stops. We're barely on the trail – I can't see the house and we're isola ted. The evidence of our path probably disappeared instantly behind us, no chance of followers. There were no footprints, this I know because Cas swiped them clean as we walked with his grace-ful wings.
Some walk, huh?
When we reach the place, Cas leans against a tree and stares at me, our hands still intertwined, arms length between us. His expression is unreadable. Leaning against the tree, he's staring at our hands with a sad air to him.
I take a deep breath.
Let's get this over with.
"Okay, let's talk," I blurt. It sounds braver than it feels. He takes a deep breath too.
“You know what I'm gonna say.”
“You're leaving.”
"We're leaving." He nods. “And you know why.”
I take another deep breath. With a roll of nausea, I know for a fact that I'm correct, that I've understood, and I think I'm prepared, but I still have to ask.
"And when you say we–," I whispers.
"I mean my family. And. Myself." He says each word separate and distinct. Like he's pacing himself. Like he's trying to get through a script.
He probably is.
He probably wrote this out earlier so that he wouldn't break down here. Now. Like I'm about to.
Oh, Cas.
I shake my head back and forth mechanically, more out of instinct than anything but also trying to clear it. He waits without any sign of impatience, just staring at the ground and at our entwined fingers and counting breaths.
It took a few minutes before I could speak can speak again.
"Can't I come with you?"
"You can't, Dean. Where we're going . . . It's not the right place for you."
“Somewhere Angely?” That gets a half-smile out of him, but it's still sad.
“Yes.” He confesses.
"Where you are is the right place for me." I say. The sappiest thing I could possibly say. And the nausea in my gut is tightening, the panic outweighing the understanding.
I don't like this. Shit fuck this is bad, this is very very bad, the voice in my head repeats again and again. I keep remembering those fucking words. Alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination.
I love him. And he loves me. He'll return, I know he will.
So why is the panic choking me?
Alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpha exterminationalpha extermination alpha extermination alpha extermination alpHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATIONALPHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATION ALPHA EXTERMINATION!
“DEAN!” Cas' voice is like a bullet, his hands tight as they shake my shoulders hard.
My eyes fly open and find him and oh gods I'm hyperventilating.
“Shhh, babe, shhh. Calm down. Breathe with me. Breathe.”
But I can't. Chuck's prophecy and my own gut are twisting and I'm terrified.
I'm dizzy; it's hard to concentrate. Those words swirl around in my hea d.
I try to breathe normally, I really do, need to concentrate on Cas' breaths and his pulse and his being. To find my way out of this nightmare I have to find my way into Cas' arms and I do, somehow I manage it, I reach for him, willing my oddly deadened legs to carry me forward and I wrap his arms tight around me and I wrap my arms tight around him.
I thought he was reaching for me, too, and he was. But his hands entangle in my hair, holding me tight against him.
He leans down, pressing his lips hard to my forehead for an eternity.
My eyes closed, I breathe him in, burying my face in his chest.
“If you come with us, the Hunters will think you're on our side.”
“Gee, Cas, I wonder why that would be? Oh wait! Maybe it's because I am on your side!” I shout into his chest.
“ Deeeeeaaan~ ” Castiel whines, and if he were more immature he'd probably stomp his foot as well. It's very reminiscent of a child whining “ Moooooom~ ” when they either want something or are being embarrassed. “You'll be safe here, with your mothers. You'll be happy – ”
"Oh good lord, shut it, Cas. Don't be ridiculous." I want to sound angry as I push off of him, facing him, and I do, but it also sounds like I'm begging. What makes it better is that, if roles were reversed, Cas'd already be on his knees by now. "You're the very best part of my life."
"And you mine. I'm sorry, my world is simply not for you," he says grimly, sadly.
“Why is it that you can live in human society and I can't live in angel society?”
“Simple. You can't go that high, Dean.”
“High?”
“The sky, Babe. The clouds.” Cas answers, pointing up and briefly glancing there as well. I follow his gaze, understanding completely finally.
“Heaven?”
Cas laughs, boisterous and happy. And the sound helps.
“Not exactly, but sort of.”
“Wow.”
“. . . I'm sorry. I want you to come with me – soooo bad – but you just . . . can't." He speaks the words slowly and precisely, falling sad again, his icy eyes on my face, warm and watching as I absorb all that he's really saying.
"You do?" I ask, a bit uncertain and a bit giddy.
He takes a deep, unsteady breath, swallowing thick, and stares, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisting the tiniest bit. When he finally looks up, his eyes are different, softer – like down on a duckling – like the Arctic Ocean had become Hawaiian.
“Of course.”
“Cas, you have my soul. Remember that. I don't want it without you–it's yours. So you better fucking return, or I will hunt you down personally and strip you of that dreaded Alpha status." He grins, chuckling at me. “I mean it, I'll castrate you and fillet you and – ”
His lips on mine are the perfect “shut up”.
"That won't be necessary." The angel mutters against my lips. After a few more minutes of blatantly trying to eat each other alive, he pulls away, staring back at me without apology. His eyes are like aquamarine, clear and very deep. I feel like I could see into them for miles and miles, and nowhere in their bottomless depths can I see a contradiction to the words he'd spoken.
Good.
"Good. You leaving changes things, though." I'm surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounds now, since not long ago I was panicking. It must be because I'm so warm wrapped in his arms.
He glances away, into the trees, as he begins to speak again, watching for any intruders.
Protective lil shit.
"Of course. However, the fact that I love you and always will –” Cas begins, looking back at me and pulling me closer by my ass. Jolting a laugh from me. I retaliate by pinching his ass back. Two can play it that way. “– in more ways than one, make up for that. But I think leaving – for a while – will be good; and not just for everyone's safety. I'm . . . tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Dean. I'm not human." No, he's not; as he speaks, the air behind him shivers beneath an icy plane. That and the fact that perfect face begins to glow from the inside out with Grace show perfectly well that he's not human.
I smile, cradling his cheek and stroking his hair, staring into the glory of his eyes.
"We've been human much too long, and my wings need a rest."
"I understand, babe, believe me I do. I just –" My voice's just a whisper now; awareness beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "I'll miss you." He just stares at me, and I can see from his eyes that my words hit him hard.
Because he feels them too.
“Shh, sorry.” I murmur, kissing him softly.
"You're too good to me, babe." I have no argument except reciprocation.
“And you, I.” Kissing Cas is like breathing air.
Fuck how'm I gonna survive?
“When you come back I expect a full month of ME-time.”
"If… that's what you want." He nods once, sounding drunk. On me? Oooh sexy sexy. My whole body lights up and all I can feel below the neck is heat and all I can feel everywhere is Cas.
My angel. "I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he says.
I wonder what he sees on my face as he pulls back, because something flickers across his own face in response. It's a damaged, broken flickering, and even though I know I know that I'm gonna see him again, my gut twists.
Before I can identify it, he's composed his features into something more pleasant.
More “I'll see you tomorrow and I'm not leaving because our lives are in danger and I'm definitely not leaving the love of my life to face the hunters without me no no no no no.”
"Anything," I vow, my voice faintly stronger. I need to be strong. If not for myself then for Cas. And for Sammy. Oh gods, Sammy. If Cas is leaving then that means Gabe is too.
As I watch, Cas' frozen eyes turn to sunshine. Grace beaming out his orbs. The gold becomes liquid, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that's overwhelming as the colors mix into a volcanic sea.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid while I'm gone," he orders, afraid and concerned. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
I nodded happily, cheekily, with a wink.
He rolls his eyes in return. "I'm not just thinking of myself, but of Mary and Jody and Sammy, too, of course. They need you. Take care of yourself – for them." But mostly for me.
I hear ya loud and clear, babe.
I nod again. "I will," I whisper.
He seems to relax just a little at my admission, before he leans forward and claims my lips again.
"And I'll make you a promise in return," Those words whisper warm against me, hot breath intermingling with me. "I promise that this won't be the last time you see me. I will come back. And I won't put you through anything like this again. We can go on with our lives together. It will be as if I'd never left."
My knees must have started to shake, because the trees are suddenly wobbling. I can hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. I can feel the tears beginning to swell. His voice sounds far away, even though it's pressed so so close.
He smile gently.
"Don't worry. You're human – your time is fast. I'll be back before you know it.”
"Liar." I snap and I can feel as he moves his lips, even as no sound comes out “I know,” he says. It sounds like there's something stuck in my throat, like I'm choking.
Oh, right, tears.
Fuck them.
“Well now” – he hesitates for a short second, then pulls away. “That wasn't very nice.”
Cas smiles; the smile tranquil and not touching his eyes. He takes a step away from me, now, arms unwinding and distancing himself.
Reluctance and sadness emenating from every pore.
"That's everything, I suppose. We won't be bothering you for a few months." The plural, though understood and known, still makes my breath catch.
Gabriel is leaving
Lucifer is leaving.
Michael is leaving.
The Novaks are leaving.
Even if it's just for a little while. I feel my throat closing up.
Whatever words I'm trying to say – words about hunters and hate and wishing and don't go – make no sound, but he seems to understand anyway.
“We decided only Gabe and I would say goodbye.”
I nod, unable to say words.
"Take care of yourself," He tells me, and, on impulse, I straighten my spine, square my jaw; try to look the type of strong that my Dad trained me to be. There's a light, unnatural breeze as the air behind him pulses. My eyes flashed wider, sta ring openly at his hidden wings. The leaves on a small vine maple shudder with the gentle wind of his beats.
“I love you. Goodbye, Dean," Cas says in a quiet, heart-wrenching voice. “See you as soon as I can.”
"No, wait – " I choke out the words, breaking my training immediately. Not caring, wanting him to hear, needing him to hear me say it too.
“I lo – ” But in a flutter, he's gone.
And I end up screaming “Fuck” instead . . . maybe just a tad too loud.
And my dick of a mind makes me imagine very Cas-like laughter mixed in with the echoing sound.