Chapter Text
Steve stared at the remote - or, what he was reasonably sure was the television remote. His introduction to Tony’s multi-media system had been a bit of a whirlwind, and Steve wasn’t entirely sure if Tony had been telling him the truth about the features. He would have stayed away from the thing, on his own - he hated not being able to do things which were, for everyone accustomed to them, intuitive - but Clint had told him he had recorded a bunch of movies from the 1930s and 1940s for Steve on the DVR. He had been headed out the door with Natasha at the time, off to deal with SHIELD bureaucracy and paperwork for the day, and so Steve had just thanked him and looked at the book he was reading. A movie would be a nice diversion, he thought.
Foolishly, he amended now, and sighed.
“Aye, that is indeed a diabolical instrument,” Thor said, and Steve startled - Thor was, usually, the Avenger least likely to sneak up on you. “It makes me prefer...magic if this is the result of technology.”
Steve nodded. Thor had only arrived two days ago on the roof of the Tower when an abrupt thunderstorm swept in. He had landed with cat-like grace, both knees bent with one arm to the ground and the other raising Mjolnir up to the sky. “Now that,” Tony said, to no one in particular, “is how you make an entrance.”
“Good thing you can’t control weather systems,” Natasha muttered.
“Yet,” Tony said, raising an eyebrow.
“I was hoping to watch a movie,” Steve said. “Clint was nice enough to record a bunch from when I was-” he was about to say younger, but that wasn’t accurate - even though a large swath of time had passed, for him, it was maybe three or four years. He shrugged, not able to find a word that really encapsulated the situation.
Thor stretched his legs onto the coffee table. “I bid good luck to the Hawk and Widow as they left,” he said. “I offered my assistance, but they said it was unnecessary.” He arched an eyebrow at Steve.
“Well, we’re Avengers, and they are too - but they’re also SHIELD agents, and so there’s separate duties. I guess like you’re prince, in Asgard, but also here-”
“Ah, I see,” Thor said. “And Tony and Bruce are scientists - that is what they are doing now, I presume?”
Steve rubbed his forehead - he had decided, after the last time he had visited the lab and watched the two of them blow up a completely innocent houseplant for science! that he was just going to presume whatever they were doing was important and to leave them to it. “Yes,” he said.
“And so we are the only two Avengers who do not have occupations in this realm,” Thor said. Steve nodded. “Well, I am glad to see I am not the only one who is stricken with a lack of purpose,” Thor said, and he clapped Steve on the shoulder. “Now that I am better settled into my quarters, I would very much like to explore this City, and this realm. It would seem you would make an ideal companion.” He smiled at Steve.
Steve agreed, and even if he hadn’t - it would be very difficult to say no to that smile. “Sure,” he said. “I grew up here, but a lot has changed, so I’m not-”
“Fear not,” Thor said, and from somewhere in his armor he extracted a StarkPhone. “The Lady Pepper told me that I must only dial here, and she will arrange for my transportation back to the tower if I get lost.”
“You know how to work that?” Steve asked - this was a potential blow to his self esteem.
“Hardly!” Thor said, “But the Lady Pepper has made it so I merely have to press this small green button to alert her. It is a bit tricky, admittedly, for the phone is made for the much smaller Midgardian fingers...” He shrugged his shoulders.
Steve glanced down at his own phone - he had the misfortunate of having Clint try and give him an orientation to it. “Well, that’s good, then.” He paused, hoping that he wouldn’t offend Thor. “Do you have...well, something a little less...Thor? I mean, some Migardian clothes to wear?”
“My attire is inappropriate for our adventure?”
“Well, it’s sort of...a lot of people know about us, since we saved the city. We might not get far, with all of the people recognizing you and-”
“Ah, I see,” Thor said. “There is an array of clothing in my closet - perhaps you can advise what would be best?” Steve nodded.
Steve had Thor dress in a pair of dark wash jeans - that were a bit too tight, but then, everything in Thor’s closet seemed to be the correct size, so was it on purpose? They certainly showed off his...posterior. For a shirt, he grabbed a light green button down, and Thor slipped into a pair of loafers. “My hair may be regarded as distinctive,” Thor said, looking at himself in his mirror with clear amusement on his face. “Perhaps I should restrain it?” Steve shrugged his shoulders, and wasn’t entirely sure what to think when Thor got a rubber band from the bathroom.
They stopped at Steve’s room to grab his wallet, then went to the elevators. “Well, look at you two!” Tony said - of course he was going to show up, he’d probably been creepily watching them the entire time on video and then planning the exact moment to intercept in order to say something...less than positive about their plans. “Where are you headed out on such a nice morning?”
“We are going to explore New York City,” Thor said. “I have been told it is one of the finest cities in Midgard, so it seems a good place for me to begin learning about my adopted realm.”
Tony wrinkled his nose - he seemed to be repulsed by earnest communication, like a vampire to garlic. “Just the two of you?” They both nodded. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his own wallet. “Well, look - you two crazy kids have fun. Here’s my card.” He handed Steve a credit card that was an absurd silver color and appeared to have a piece of real gold in it. “Go wild! If you can figure out how to use it.”
He laughed, and then got into the elevator as Steve tucked the card into his wallet. Thor turned to him with a frown, and waited for the door to close before saying, “Does he take us for Jotunns? Are those cards not the most common form of currency in your realm?”
“Pretty much,” Steve said.
“Tony is also one of the wealthiest, is he not?” Thor asked. Steve nodded. “Excellent. Then we shall do exactly as he says, and go wild.”
“I don’t know I’m if comfortable-”
Thor clapped Steve on the shoulder, though in a gentle manner. “Steve. This will ensure he does not underestimate us - at least in this regard, for surely he find some other jape to amuse himself - again.”
“Ah,” Steve said. “OK, then.”
* * * *
“Do you have anything you desire to accomplish on our trip?” Thor asked, as they strode out into the city.
“No, well...I don’t think so,” Steve said. “Tony’s really provided everything I might need-”
“Yes, he is a most generous and considerate person,” Thor replied. “Yet his attitude is contradictory.” Thor furrowed his brow. “He is a very complicated person.”
“Yes,” Steve said - because he definitely agreed, and didn’t have anything else to offer. Thor had summed things up rather succinctly.
“You said Tony has provided what you need - but what about what you want?” Thor asked, and there was a slyness to his smile that was infectious.
“Well. I’d like to get some more art supplies,” Steve said.
“You are an artist?” Thor asked.
“Well, I wouldn’t say...I mean, I was going to art school, before...the serum, and Captain America. I drew, a lot, when I was in the field, but I’m not, like, professional or anything...”
“So you are an artist,” Thor replied. “You produce art.”
“OK, sure,” Steve said. “If that’s your definition.”
Steve had decided they should walk uptown, towards Central Park and away from the areas still recovering from the battle. Since Thor seemed interested in shopping, so he decided to head to Fifth Avenue and walk up from there. “The myriad things available from these merchants is overwhelming,” Thor said, glancing around.
“Tell me about it,” Steve replied.
“Look at the multitude of colors available there,” Thor said, pointing at a store whose name was rendered in Japanese characters - Uniqlo, it seemed. Steve followed as Thor walked in, eyes wide - and Steve could appreciate the organization of things. Various clothing items were arranged by color, and each was lined up next to its corresponding rainbow hue and stacked across shelves almost two stories high. It was like opening a new box of colored pencils.
“Hello,” said a young woman.
“Hello, young shopkeep,” Thor said. “We are searching for men’s items.” The worker raised her eyebrows and smiled at them.
“Just take the elevator up,” she said, and eyed both of them up in a way that Steve really was not used to - Thor was Thor, after all, and getting a similar approving glance was still something fairly foreign to him.
Thor wandered around, lips pressed together, and then finally settled on a shirt made in sweatshirt material that had a hood attached to it. “What is this?” he asked, pointing to Steve.
“I don’t know - a sweatshirt, I guess,” Steve replied. Thor stuck his hand inside of it. “With a hood. And zipper?”
“Feel this, Steve. It is most soft, and comfortable,” he said, thrusting the sweatshirt at him. Steve raised his eyebrows before he placed a hand inside, and he nodded in agreement, though he wasn’t as overwhelmed by it as Thor. Though he could understand why the demigod was entranced by it - if his, and Loki’s, clothing were any indication, Asgardian fashion was not designed for comfort.
“Pray, what is this garment called?” Thor asked another store clerk.
“Uhm. A hoodie?” he said. He gave both of them a suspicious look.
“What is the largest size you have available?” Thor asked. “My companion and I wish to try one on. Steve - while you look good in blue and red, I would like to see you in this grey.” He held up a light grey hoodie while picking a red one for himself.
As they walked around, Steve couldn’t help but notice that they were drawing attention from both the employees and customers. Thor’s booming voice didn’t help, nor did the amount of items he was heaping onto Steve to carry.
“Ah! Undergarments,” he said. “The ones I have been supplied with are quite roomy. I prefer a garment that provides more support for my genitals.” Steve’s eyes widened at this - first, because...Thor’s genitals. Second, because from what he had seen yesterday at breakfast - everything - he hadn’t thought Thor wore undergarments, generally. OK, then, looks like we’re having naked breakfasts! Tony said, and had reached for his shirt before Bruce slapped his hand.
Thor had turned to look at all of them in their clothing or pajamas. I must apologize, he said. In Asgard, it is customary that while in our dwellings we might walk around unclothed if it suits us. Clint had shrugged his shoulders, glancing at Thor’s...genitals, but Tony had shook his head.
At least not in the kitchen, Thor, Bruce said, before Tony could open his mouth. I know you’re pretty indestructible, and all, but when you’re cooking you really don’t want to worry about cutting yourself, or setting yourself on fire, or... He shrugged his shoulders.
Ah, an excellent point, Bruce, Thor said, nodding his head. I am accustomed to my meals being prepared for me and had not taken this into account.
“Maybe we should try these on,” Steve said, since it seemed their admirers was quite interested in learning more about Thor’s genitals - not that Steve could blame them. He turned back and looked at the small crowd, quirking an eyebrow, and an employee stepped forward to lead them to the dressing room.
Thor pronounced the hoodie glorious, and ended up buying one in four different colors for himself, and insisted that Steve get one as well. Thor also bought several t-shirts and a multitude of what a giggling female employee termed boxer briefs for himself and Steve - “Trust me, Steve,” he said as they cashed out, “you will find these garments are far preferable for your active lifestyle!”
Thor put on a navy blue hoodie as soon as they exited the shop, and made a contented sighing sound that Steve had never thought he would hear come from Thor. “Onward!” he said.
* * * *
“I require sustenance,” Thor said, about ten feet from the store. “And look, a purveyor of the tiny cakes women in this realm find so amusing.” Steve looked up into a window display full of cupcakes and a line that was almost entirely full of women.
“I think because of their small size?” Steve said.
“Ridiculous,” said Thor. “A woman should embrace indulgences.” He winked - winked! - at Steve, and then strode in. “All of these look wonderfully indulgent,” he said, getting down on his knees so he could look into the bakery case.
“You’re looking for something indulgent?” asked the clerk.
“Verily,” said Thor. “Something suitable for my companion and I.”
“Follow me,” she said, and Thor grinned as he stood up. Steve could only follow, not entirely sure what to expect - he knew that women got free drinks in bars. Was this a similar principle?
“Ah! How wondrous!” Thor said, as the walked into a smaller room in the back of the bakery. There was another display case, this one full of-
Steve blushed as Thor kneeled down again, this time pressing his nose to the glass. “I was not aware men in this realm were so well endowed.”
“I don’t think that’s sized to life,” the clerk said. She looked at Steve, noticed his deep flush - because, really? It had come to this? Cakes shaped genitals? Was there ever going to be a point in this day when genitalia weren’t involved? Or was that just a side effect of spending time with Thor?
“Steve and I will take four of your bosom cakes, please,” Thor said. “And do you sell warm beverages?”
“Coffee, tea-”
“We will have two coffees,” Thor said.
The clerk nodded, and Thor handed over Tony’s credit card. He pointed out a table for Steve to sit at, and Steve complied. The clerk brought over the coffees, and then the breast shaped cupcakes, each topped with an erect pink nipple. “They are beautiful, are they not?” Thor asked.
“I suppose so,” Steve replied.
“Ah,” Thor said. “Are you not attracted to breasts?”
Steve did a slight spit take, but managed to get to a napkin rather than sputter on his chin. “Ugh...yes?” he managed, and Thor cocked his head slightly and ate half the breast cupcake. A bit of frosting from the nipple attached itself to his nose. He smiled at Steve. “You have some, uhm...nipple?” Steve said, and bit at his lip, because he had really wanted to say frosting.
“Where?” Thor asked, and Steve pointed to his own nose. Thor frowned, and then wiped his finger across his nose and then put it in his mouth. And sucked on it. Steve exhaled. “This nipple is most satisfactory,” he said. “It tastes of vanilla. Do you not want your breast, Steve?”
Steve was hungry - Steve was always hungry, with his metabolism, and the child that had grown up in the depression began to make noises about how he was debating throwing out two perfectly good cupcakes. “Yes, I do - I mean, the cupcake, I’ll eat it,” he said.
Thor was grinning at him, and it occurred to Steve that he was...not entirely serious. Trying to fool with Steve, and not in the way that Tony did - because he could - but in order to learn more about him. Steve wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He decided it was best to be relieved that Thor hadn’t bought them the miniature cocks. He took a large bite out of his cupcake.
“Oh, mmm,” he said. “It’s really good.”
“The cake is of the highest quality,” Thor said. “We should stop by on our way back and by something for Tony. I am sure he would appreciate many of these designs.”