Chapter Text

19 July 1984

Boston, Massachusetts

“Grandmère, I have a question,” Arizona said as she hauled herself up into the chair at her grandmother’s kitchen table, already reaching for a cookie in the jar. Her grandmother watched with an amused glint in her eye, continuing to knead out the bread. 

“Yes, Arizona?” 

“How do you know if you have a soulmate?” Her grandmother’s hands stilled and her eyes went a bit sad. Arizona shrank back in the chair. There was a moment too long of silence and Arizona wanted to squirm. “I...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad, Grandmère.” 

“No, no,” her grandmother was quick to speak, “I suppose you’re of that age now. Have you had any marks start showing up?” At the question, Arizona stared down at her own hands with half-bitten nails and a bit of dirt still under her fingers from having to play goalie for Tim. She shook her head. “Mine started when I was 9, so you’ve still got some time. Your dad started showing your mom’s marks when he was 10. Your Aunt Eloise also got hers around then. Same with your Uncle Patrick.” 

“What was the first one you ever got?” Arizona asked, leaning half her weight onto the table as she tried to examine her grandmother’s hands for any marks. 

A wistful sort of smile crossed her grandmother’s face. It reminded her a bit of the smile her mom got around Christmas when her dad wasn’t around. He was never around. Arizona bit down on her cheek before she could start scowling. Tim told her if she scowled too much her face would get stuck like that. 

Arizona grabbed a small bit of dough that had fallen away from the larger piece her grandma was working on and started rolling it between her fingers. 

“It was perfectly mundane. It was an address for a clothing shop in Boston. Your… your grandfather… his mother sent him to retrieve a package for her and she didn’t want him to get lost, so she wrote the address on his hand. She had wonderful handwriting. It was so…élégante,” her grandmother said, her hands never ceasing as she kneaded the bread. “My maman was delighted that he had such perfect penmanship. My papa was delighted that he was American or at the very least well-travelled.” Arizona nodded along, her grandmother’s accent becoming more pronounced as she spoke. “Your grandfather said that the first marks he received from me was what he thought was me cheating on a test because it was in French. His father pointed out that it was actually just a grocery list.” 

“Wasn’t that tricky? If you didn’t speak the same language?” Arizona asked, now picking apart her small bit of dough. “What if my soulmate speaks Chinese or something?” 

Her grandmother reached across the table to tweak her nose before carefully placing her dough back in a bowl. “You’re a clever girl. You’ll figure it out. Maybe he will be French. On ne sait jamais. [You never know.]” Arizona wrinkled her nose at that. “ Viens, mon petit. Le pain a besoin de repos et vous aussi. [Come on, my little one. The bread needs to rest and so do you.]” She ran a hand through Arizona’s unruly curls, tipping the little girl’s head up so she could look her in the eye. 

“ Mais Grandmère, je ne suis pas fatiguée. [But Grandmère, I’m not tired.] Mommy doesn’t make me take naps anymore.” 

“Ah, I see. So you are fully grown now, yes? You can come and help me with the vegetable garden then.” 

Arizona pouted slightly but dutifully followed her grandmother out into her vegetable garden, a legacy from her early life. She really was quite concerned about what language her soulmate spoke. Arizona knew French quite well and a bit of German and Albie, who she had sat next to last year, had taught her some curse words in Russian. But seriously, what if her soulmate only spoke Chinese or something weird like Klingon? Tim had a friend who spoke Klingon. It seriously freaked Arizona out. 

“Come along, Arizona. We have lots of weeding to do.” 

4 September 1984

Miami, Florida

“Calliope! You are going to be late for the first day of school!” Her mother called up the stairs and Callie could already hear the urgent tapping of her foot at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Yeah, Calliope ,” added Aria as she passed by Callie’s room. “Mom still has to drive you to school ‘cause you’re a baby. Have a good day at baby school.” 

Callie lunged at her sister, aiming for her stupid ponytail, but a strong pair of arms caught her around the waist. 

“Now, now, Calliope. Your sister is just teasing. That’s what siblings do.” 

“Can’t I take the bus too, Daddy?” Her father smiled fondly down at her. 

“Once you’re in secondary school, you can ride the bus with your sister. For now, isn’t it nice that you get extra time with me and your Mami?” He dropped to one knee as he whispered conspiratorially, “I bet, if you’re very good and clever at school, your Mami could be persuaded to take you out for ice cream after school. Aria has swim practise after school, so you’ll have some free time.” 

Callie’s eyes went wide. “You think?” 

“You know Mami can’t say no to strawberry ice cream,” he said, ruffling her hair a bit. 

“Daddy,” she whined, already reaching out to fix her errant hair. 

“Mija, what is that?” He asked, his voice suddenly very seriously, not unlike how it was when he talked to his business friends. He caught her wrist, turning her hand over to expose her palm. “Lucia, dear! Come here!” 

“Daddy?” Her bottom lip trembled as her father turned her hand back towards her so she could see for herself. “It’s hard to read, part of it’s crossed out. It says: Mrs Rosenfeld, room 513 ? And I can’t read the rest. I didn’t write this…. Wait! Is this from my soulmate?” Callie glanced back to her father, who smiled back with glimmering eyes. 

“Carlos, Calliope’s going to be late and on the first day… what’s happened? Are you sick? Calliope, you just have to talk with the other children. You get along well with Abigail, don’t you?” 

“No, no, Calliope is… look, Lucia, look at her palm.” 

Callie eagerly held up her palm for her mother’s inspection. A bright, practically blinding smile erupted on her mother’s face. “Oh, mija, that’s wonderful! And look at that, such nice penmanship. I’m sure he’s a wonderful young man.” Her mother pulled her into a tight hug, crushing her against her perfectly creased blouse. 

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she inhaled the familiar smell of her mother’s perfume. She had a soulmate. There was someone out there who was made for her, someone who’d always love her. Sometimes she felt so alone. Her sister was the worst. Her parents were always busy with work. And she found it so hard sometimes to make friends. But there was someone out there for her. 

That was more than enough for Callie. 

And that night, hidden under her covers with a flashlight and a marker, she drew out a very careful heart on the inside of her thumb. 

11 March 1985

Jacksonville, North Carolina

Arizona leaned against the porch, watching as her brother fiddled with the key. “You’re so slow,” she groaned, tipping her head back. 

“Shut up, Arizona.” 

“My lip hurts.” 

“I know. How do you think my ribs feel?” Tim shot back, letting out a whoop as the door unlocked. “Your face wouldn’t hurt if you didn’t get into a fight.” 

“You got into a fight too,” she protested with a pout.

Tim rolled his eyes before pushing his too-long hair out of his eyes. “I got in a fight ‘cause you got in a fight. Why didn’t you tell me they were picking on you?” 

Arizona scuffed her shoe against the baseboard, unable to meet Tim’s eye. “‘s stupid.” 

“You coulda told me and I woulda made them back off.”

“I don’t need your help, Tim.” She stomped past him towards the kitchen. Her right hand positively ached with every motion and her lip throbbed. That wasn’t even considering what would probably be a very impressive black eye the next morning. “You want frozen peas or the ice pack?” 

“Frozen peas. Arizona, you gotta tell me if you’re getting picked on. Or tell your teacher.” 

Sighing in relief at the coolness of the ice pack on her hand, Arizona said, “I did tell the teacher. She said they probably just had a crush on me. Which is gross.” She stuck her tongue out. “They all pull on my hair during class and I’m the smallest one in class and I’m younger because Dad made us move in the middle of the year last year. And I have a weird name.” 

Tim wrapped an arm around her, wincing at the strain on his bruised ribs. “Your name’s not that weird. But really, Arizona, tell me next time before I have to come out after school to find you picking a fight.” 

“Wasn’t picking a fight,” she mumbled into his shirt. “Was standin’ up for myself.” 

“Well, next time, let me do it when the kids are like twice your size, okay?” 

“They weren’t that much bigger than me.” 

“Dude, one of ‘em was my height. You’re short. Deal with it.” Tim whimpered a bit as he moved the peas to his cheek. “Wanna go see what cartoons are on?” 

Arizona nodded eagerly, offering her good hand to help Tim stand up straight. 

“What’s going on here?” Arizona froze, her back to the door. She glanced up at Tim, whose eyes had gone wide. 

“Nothing, sir. Just a little misunderstanding at school,” Tim said, dropping the peas away from his face. 

“A misunderstanding? Arizona, would you turn around please?” 

Arizona turned slowly, bracing herself for the look of disappointment and anger in her father’s eyes. “Hi Daddy,” she tried, flashing the brightest smile she could muster at her father. 

He stood in the doorway, arms folded over his chest, a hard set to his jaw. “Timothy Daniel Robbins, tell me you did not punch your sister.” 

Tim baulked next to her. “Of course not! It wasn’t me!” 

“Then who was it?” The two siblings glanced at each other. “Don’t look at each other. Look at me.” 

“Really, Dad, it wasn’t Arizona’s fault-” 

“-they just kept pickin’ on me, so I-” 

“-I was just trying to help out. There were like 5 of them!” 

“-wasn’t Tim’s fault.” Arizona choked on a sob, tears falling down her cheeks freely. “Daddy, it hurts.” Her father’s expression softened slightly as Arizona wrapped her arms around his waist, sobbing into his side. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

“Arizona, that’s enough. Both of you, sit.” He gently pushed Arizona towards the kitchen table. Once both his children were sat down, he began, “Now, from what I understood from the two of you yelling over each other, Arizona got in a fight and you jumped in to help her.” 

“Nick did too,” supplied Tim, his gaze fixed firmly on one of their mother’s orchids. 

“Nick’s not my child. I’ll leave Nick to his parents. As for you two, I’m disappointed. You shouldn’t be picking fights.” 

“But I didn’t-” 

“Enough, Arizona!” Arizona shrank back in her seat. “You’re both grounded. No TV for a week. Now, Arizona, go to your room and finish your homework. Timothy, I would like to speak to you.” 

“You can’t do that!” Arizona protested, the words leaving her mouth before her brain could catch up. “Only Mom can ground us.” Why did she keep talking? 

“Arizona Cecilia Robbins, upstairs now. If I hear another word out of you, it’ll 2 weeks.” 

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, she nodded and mumbled, “Yes, sir.” 

“What was that? No mumbling.” 

“Yes, sir.” Her hands twitched at her sides. She curled them into fists so as to stop herself from being cheeky and saluting her father. That would definitely get her 2 weeks or more. Tim nodded to her, his cheeks flushed with the embarrassment of being yelled at. As she passed behind her father, she mouthed to Tim, “I’m sorry.” He just shook his head. 

Chin pressed to her chest, Arizona made her way up the stairs towards her room. 

“... you’re supposed to look out for her!” 

Arizona paused, mindful of the creaky step. 

“Dad, I was, I swear. She got into it with some boys from her class after school. I came out to find her right when one of them hit her. Nick and I got in the middle of it.” Arizona leaned against the railing, trying to hear better. “She said they’d been picking on her. I didn’t know. She didn’t tell me. Dad, I swear, if I’d known, I’d’ve done something-” 

“It’s alright, Tim. I believe you.” There was a long pause and Arizona strained to hear anything. “You did good, son. I know that this isn’t easy on you two. Your sister… she’s headstrong and she won’t ask for help. But you protect those you love, Timothy. Now, I want you to sit here and work on your homework. And keep that ice on your face. Your mother will take a look at it when she gets home.” 

Arizona’s eyes went wide at the sound of heavy footsteps. She scrambled up the stairs, jumping the last two steps. 

Pulling her homework folder out of her backpack, Arizona lunged towards her small desk, wincing as her knee banged into the desk. 

“Bug?” 

“Daddy?” she turned to face her father, mindful to keep a sad smile on her face. “I’m just working on my math homework.” 

“Very good. Your mother will have to take a look at your face. I’ll be in my office if you need me.” 

“Yes, sir.” Arizona started to turn back to her work, but her father called her name again. “Daddy?” 

“Did you win?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Good girl.” 

Arizona suppressed the urge to smile. She turned back to her homework as the door clicked shut behind her. As she reached for a pencil with her left hand, she noticed something on her hand. 

Hi 

Arizona grinned, only wincing a bit as it pulled at her swollen lip. She grabbed a marker and quickly wrote out, Hey! with a smiley face. 

I’m bored

Why? 

Waiting for my dad 

I’m bored too 

Why?

I’m grounded 

Why? 

Got in a fight 

Arizona carefully stretched out her fingers, the simple task of holding a marker uncomfortable. 

Shouldn’t do that 

Arizona stuck her tongue out at her hand. 

He deserved it 

Did you win?

Yep! 

Good job I guess 

Somehow, Arizona’s bruised face and hand didn’t hurt so much anymore. She’d had her first proper, intentional conversation with her soulmate. There was someone out there who was made perfect for her. 

30 March 1986

Miami, Florida

“Woozle, c’mere, Woozie!” 

Aria appeared in the screen door. “Cal, it’s almost time to leave. Mami and Daddy will freak if you get grass on your dress. Auntie Sonja and Uncle Ray just got here.” 

Callie scooped up her ferret, mindful to keep him away from her dress. Once he was safely back in his run, she joined her sister in the kitchen. 

“Ugh, come with me. You need perfume.” 

“Stop being so dramatic, Aria.” 

“Fine, go to your confirmation smelling like a ferret. See if I care.” Aria threw her hands up. 

“Wait, wait, you’re right.” 

Aria snorted. “I’m always right.” 

“You were wrong when you were helping me with my history homework last week.” 

“History is lame.” 

Callie followed her sister into her room, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. She glanced around Aria’s room. She almost never let Callie in there, even though their mom said she couldn’t lock Callie out (or in her closet either). Her walls were covered in posters of Duran, Duran and Tom Cruise and Wham!, despite their mother’s complaints that it was damaging to the wallpaper. At the sight of a scuff mark near the window, Callie blurted out, “Are you sneaking out of your room? I thought I heard something!” 

Aria spun around, perfume in hand like a weapon. “You better not say anything, Callie, or I swear to God, I will make your life so miserable.” 

Callie leaned away from her sister. “Oh yeah? I bet I could tell Mami and Daddy before you could do anything and then you’ll be so grounded forever.” 

Aria narrowed her eyes at her, weighing her options. “I’ll drive you and your friends around until the end of the school year if you keep your dumb mouth shut.” 

Callie tapped her mouth as she considered it. “And you have to clean Woozle’s cage every other day.” 

“Callie….” 

“Or I can go tell them that you’re sneaking out to go see Ricky at the beach. Is he your boyfriend? Do you love him? Aria and Ricky sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage!” She sang as she darted under Aria’s outstretched arm. 

“God, you’re such a brat. Fine, yes, just don’t tell Mami and Daddy. Now come here so I can spray you. I don’t want to sit in a car with a brat smelling like a ferret.” Aria spritzed her a few times before stepping back to survey Callie. “Your bow is going to fall off. Let me fix it.” Callie spun around so Aria could fix it. “There we go. You ready to get confirmed?” 

Callie swallowed back her nerves and nodded, trying to keep her chin tipped up in the same way that her mother and Aria always did. 

“You look like you’re going to spew. If you’re gonna, make sure you aim for Great Aunt Carla and her really, really fucking ugly hat.” 

“Mom!” Aria pinched Callie’s side, even as Callie tried to squirm away. “Aria said-” Aria slapped a hand over Callie’s mouth. 

“ Déjense de molestar, si siguen haciendo cualquier cosa vamos a llegar tarde! Calliope, más te vale que estés lista, de verdad! [Stop bothering, if you two keep doing whatever we're going to be late! Calliope, you better be ready, for real]” 

Aria let her little sister go, shoving Callie away from her. “Coming!” She yelled, dragging Callie out of her room by the elbow. “I was just helping Callie fix something.” 

“Look at my beautiful girls,” her father said as he emerged from the master bedroom, straightening his tie. He clapped a hand on each of their shoulders, Aria ducking away immediately, bounding down the stairs. Her father sighed heavily with a shake of his head. “Well, you look wonderful, my Calliope. Are you all ready for your confirmation?” 

“I think I’m gonna throw up.” 

Her father chuckled at that. He leaned in conspiratorially, whispering, “If you think you’re going to be sick, make sure you aim for your mother’s Aunt Carla and not your mother’s very expensive shoes that cost an arm and a leg.” 

“Daddy,” she laughed as he tickled her. 

“Calliope! Carlos! We’re going to be late. What do you expect me to say to Father Kevin if Calliope misses her confirmation?” 

“Coming, dear!” Her father wrapped an arm around Callie’s shoulders, steering her towards the stairs. “You’ll be fine, Calliope. I just know it.” Callie just managed a nod, slightly terrified if she opened her mouth she’d be sick. 

At the bottom of her stairs, her mother was waiting, tapping her foot impatiently. “ Gordita, te quedo bien el vestido? [Did the dress fit well?]” Her mother pursed her lips, her eyes flitting up and down Callie’s form. Callie fidgeted under her mother’s gaze. “Stop fussing, Calliope. It will have to do. We don’t have time to find you another dress.” 

“Can’t I just wear my nice pants?” 

Her mother readjusted Callie’s hair none too gently, tsking as she went. “Absolutely not. You’d think you’d been raised by wolves. Now, go say hello to your Aunt Sonja and Uncle Ray. They’ve been waiting.” 

1 August 1987

San Diego, California

“Can we get matching casts?” 

“Ugh, no, go away, Arizona.” 

“Tim,” she whined.

“Stop it. You’re being annoying.” 

“My arm hurts.” 

“I know. So does mine. I told you you couldn’t play with us.” Arizona pouted at her brother. “Right, Nick? I told her she couldn’t play with us. And now look, you’re missing a tooth and you broke my arm.” 

The other boy glanced between them nervously. “I’m not getting in the middle of this.” 

“You broke my arm too!” Arizona protested, nodding towards her wrist. “s’not my fault I’m better at soccer than you.” 

Tim’s face was starting to turn a really fun shade of red. “You’re not better than me!” 

“Are too.” 

“Are not.” 

“Are too.” 

“Are not.” 

“How about we get you two fixed up and then you can settle who’s better on the field?” A pair of doctors entered the room, a woman and a man. The man continued speaking, “So, I see here, we’ve got a Timothy and Arizona Robbins here. Is your mother here yet?” 

“Nick’s sister is calling her right now, Lieutenant Commander,” Tim replied, sitting up straight. Arizona copied him out of habit. 

“So, what seems to be the problem, Mr Robbins?” 

Tim’s cheeks flushed a bit as he said, “We were playing soccer, sir, and my baby sister and I had a bad collision. Both of our arms hurt real bad, sir. And ‘rizona’s missing a tooth. It was an accident I swear.” 

The female doctor moved to stand in front of Arizona. Arizona stared up at her warily. She had really pretty dark hair. Arizona liked her blonde hair a lot, but the doctor’s was like really, really pretty. 

“Can I take a look, sweetheart?” The doctor asked, motioning to her arm. Arizona nodded quickly, a weird feeling tugging at her stomach. “Thanks. I’m Dolores, what’s your name?” 

“Arizona. It’s kinda a weird name.” 

“It’s pretty. I like it.” 

“Really?” Arizona asked, eyes wide as she watched the doctor examine her arm. “You think so?” 

“Definitely. It’s very unique. Now, can you try to flex your fingers for me? Does that hurt?” Arizona winced, but shook her head so as not to disappoint the doctor. “Really? Not at all? That’s pretty impressive.” Dolores leaned in closer, glancing over her shoulder to where her colleague was chatting with Tim and Nick. “How about we try again? I think you and your brother are hurt in the same way, but boys are kind of dumb, so you have to show them what to do.” 

Arizona nodded quickly in agreement. “Boys are dumb. They didn’t want me to play with them because I can score more goals than Tim can save.” 

“Shut up, Arizona!” Tim called, glaring at her. 

“Are you two still fighting?” Connie, Nick’s 17 year old sister, asked from the doorway. “Your mom should be here soon. Stop arguing,” Connie added with all the exasperation of a teenager who would rather be anywhere but at the hospital with her little brother’s friends. 

“Okay, Arizona, let’s try this again. Flex your fingers for me.”

“It hurts,” Arizona admitted in a whisper, reluctant to let Tim and Nick know how much. “What does that mean?” 

“It means you’ve won yourself a trip to the x-ray machine, young lady. It’ll sound a bit scary for a minute while we take the pictures, but these are special pictures so we can see the inside of your arm.”

“Can I see?” 

“See what?” 

“See the pictures inside my arm. That sounds so cool,” Arizona lisped through the last few words, the throbbing in her mouth becoming more pronounced. 

“Sure, kid. Open wide for me. I need to check your mouth.” Arizona followed her instruction, watching with interest as the doctor snapped on a pair of gloves and retrieved a flashlight. “Did you get kicked in the face?” 

“I didn’t mean to!” Tim yelped from across the room. “This is all your fault, Arizona.” 

“Is not. Yeah, he kicked me in the face.” 

“Are you dizzy?” 

“I dunno. Kinda.”

“Hm, okay. We’ll do a concussion test too.” 

“What’s that? A concussion?” 

The doctor sat back in a stool in front of Arizona. “Okay, so your brain sits in the middle of your skull and your skull is there to protect and keep it safe so you can keep learning in school and get really smart.” Tim chuckled from his spot before yelping in pain, cutting off whatever dumb comment he surely would’ve said. “But if you get knocked in the head, your brain can move around-” 

“-gross,” interjected Nick. 

“Awesome,” Arizona corrected, watching the doctor’s hands as she demonstrated how her brain could move. 

“And when that happens, it can basically get a bit injured and make you feel gross. So we’ll do a test for that and go from there. Sound good?” 

“Yep. Totally.” 

“Right through here, ma’am.” 

“Oh thank God, you’re both okay,” their mother cried as she rushed into the room, her eyes wide and frantic. She pressed a kiss to Arizona’s forehead before pulling back to survey the damage. “I was so worried when Connie called. Doctor, is she okay? Are they both okay?” Her mother hurried to Tim’s side to give him a kiss as well, despite his best efforts to avoid it. “Timothy Daniel, what happened?” 

“We were just playing soccer, that’s all, Mom.” 

“Yeah, Mama, it’s fine. Look, Tim got my last baby tooth out!” Arizona grinned at her mother in reassurance, but based off her mother’s expression, it did exactly the opposite. 

“Oh God.” 

“Mrs Robbins, why don’t we speak outside and explain what needs to happen?” The male doctor said, nodding towards the door. 

Once the adults were out of the room, Nick said his goodbyes while his sister tapped her foot impatiently. “C’mon, dweeb, let’s go.” 

As soon as the Hayes were out of the room, Tim twisted on his bed to glare at her. “Look how freaked out Mom is. Are you happy now? Can’t you see how stressed she is about Dad being gone? Why’d you have to bother me and Nick? Now Mom’s upset and even more stressed than she was before.” Arizona’s bottom lip wobbled as Tim yelled at her in a hushed whisper. “God, you’re so freakin’ annoying sometimes.” Tim huffed out a sigh, wincing a bit as he tried to move his injured arm. “You need to get your own friends.” 

Arizona bit down on her bottom lip to stop any tears from falling before remembering the painful gap in her teeth. “You don’t have to be so mean all the time.” 

“I’m not being mean. I’m just telling the truth, you dork.” Tim stuck his tongue out at her. “Just leave me alone. Nick’s my best friend.” 

Arizona wiped at her cheeks with her uninjured arm. “But… but… but…”

“Stop being such a baby. Dad’s in a really dangerous place and you’re just being annoying.” 

“Timothy!” Their mother snapped from the doorway. “Leave your sister alone.” 

“But, Mom, she keeps following me and Nick around and it’s so annoying,” Tim complained with a groan. 

But their mother was having none of it. “That’s enough.” She took a seat next to Arizona as a doctor came in to take Tim away for an x-ray. Dolores came back in and talked them through the concussion test and procedures, Arizona hanging onto her every word, despite her headache. 

“Right, well, someone will be by soon to swap you and your brother and we’ll get you two sorted.” 

“Thank you, Doctor,” her mother said, shaking the other woman’s hand. “Arizona,” she prompted. 

“Thank you, Doctor, for helping me.” 

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

Her mother let out a long sigh as soon as Dolores left, moving to join Arizona on the small bed. “How are you feeling, bug?” 

Arizona sniffled, burying her face in her mother’s shoulder. “It hurts,” she admitted, “And I just wanted to play with Tim and Nick.” 

“I know, I know.” Her mother brushed her messy curls back with gentle fingers. 

“‘m sorry for upsetting you. Tim’s mean.” 

“Your brother’s just a teenager.” 

“Teenagers are stupid then. When is Daddy coming home?” She curled further into her mother as a few tears escaped unbidden. “I miss him.” 

“Not for a few more months.” Arizona nodded against her mother’s shoulder, a sob breaking free of her chest. “Oh, sweetheart.” Her mother shifted a bit on the bed, reaching for her purse. “It’s okay. Your dad’s okay. I promise.” 

“But, but, John B’s dad went away and he didn’t come back. What if Daddy doesn’t come home?” 

“How about we see how he’s doing?” 

Arizona lifted her head. She knew her parents checked in almost every day her dad was away through their soulmarks, but her mom rarely showed her or Tim. Tim said it was because she didn’t want them to know if he was hurt or dead or something. But he also said he would know because it was supposed to be really painful when your soulmate died. 

“Can we?” 

Her mom nodded. “See, I write ok on the back of my hand and when your dad sees it, he’ll write back ok.” 

“Will he see it right away?” 

“It depends. It’s late where he is.” 

“Is it dangerous where he is?” 

Clear worry and pain crossed her mother’s face and Arizona instantly regretted her question. 

“It is. But your dad, he’s good at staying safe. He has to, so he can come home to us.” 

Arizona kept her gaze fixed on her mother’s upturned palm, praying silently for her dad’s ‘ok’ to appear. She let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding as an ‘ok’ appeared on her mother’s palm, followed shortly by a small heart. Her mother let out a shaky laugh and closed her palm. 

“See? He’s okay. Everything’s okay, Arizona.” 

Arizona relaxed back, letting her mother absently braid her hair back away from her face. Even with the confirmation that her dad was alright, she couldn’t shake Tim’s words. 

He was such a jerk. She wasn’t a baby. Nick was only a year and a half older than her and Tim didn’t think he was a baby. It wasn’t her fault that they moved at weird times. Tim was her best friend. Half the time, Nick wasn’t even in the same place as them. But they were always together. 

Later that night, as Arizona was curled on the sofa, trying to stay awake, Tim dropped onto the sofa next to her. 

“‘m sorry,” he all but grunted. “Wanna watch a movie?” 

“Tim, do not let your sister watch Indiana Jones again. She had nightmares for a week afterwards,” their mother called from the kitchen. 

“I know,” Tim called back. “I got The Goonies on the VHS. It was supposed to be for your birthday. But I suppose it can be an early birthday present since I did knock one of your teeth out.” He passed her the tape, a sheepish smile on his face, one dimple visible. 

“Really?” She grinned at him, poking the tip of her tongue through the new hole in her teeth. “You’re the best.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You’re still a dork though.” He ruffled her hair. As the movie started up, he turned to her. “What colour cast are you getting?” 

“I dunno. What are you getting? Since you said we can’t have the same colour.” 

The tips of Tim’s ears turned pink. “I was being a jerk. You can pick the colour we both get.” 

“So if I got pink?” 

“Seriously, ‘rizona?” 

“Seriously. You were mean. And you knocked my tooth out.” 

Tim groaned, collapsing back on the couch dramatically. “You were about to tie it to a door anyway.” Arizona pouted at him. “Fine, I’ll get pink.” 

“Nah, I was gonna get blue, but you should get pink. It’ll look really good on you,” she said as she rested her head on her brother’s shoulder. 

“You’re a brat.” 

“Love you too, Timmy.” 

“Love you too.” 

20 April 1990

Miami, Florida

“You’re Callie, right?” Callie’s head snapped up as a shadow loomed over her. 

“Yes, uh, yeah, that’s me.” 

“Cool, cool,” the boy in front of her laughed nervously, running a hand through his hair. “Um, I’m… you know, my locker’s down the hall from mine and um, oh right, I’m,” he coughed, his cheeks flushed. “D’you wanna go to the Spring Dance with me?” 

Callie glanced around as if looking for someone else he could be talking to. “Oh, sure, yeah, that’d be fun.” 

The boy sighed in relief. “Oh thank God. I was so nervous. No offence, you’re like crazy pretty, but kinda scary. I’m Peter, but most people call me Pete. But you’re sure, you’ll go with me? I know it’s kinda lame and dorky, but it’s not like we can go to prom yet. Unless an upperclassman asked you or something?” 

“No, no, I’d love to go with you, Pete,” she smiled up at him. “Do you wanna sit for a bit?” She motioned to the bench next to her, genuinely shocked by how steady and cool she sounded. A boy asked her to the Spring Dance. No one had asked her to homecoming and that had been okay. She went with a few of her friends who had decided they were too cool for dates, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a bit jealous of her friends who got corsages and cute pictures and got to slow dance. Callie didn’t thrive at talking to people at the best of times, so she had basically written herself off. 

“Wow, that’s so cool,” Pete said, leaning in to look at her sketchbook where she had been working on her naturalism assignment. “Is that a hummingbird?” 

“Mhm. We’re supposed to draw things we can see.” She pointed to the hummingbird fluttering around on the other side of the courtyard. 

“That’s totally sick. I’m doing band as my art requirement. It’s the worst though. Mrs Fisher spits when she talks and the whole room smells like fish somehow.” 

“What instrument do you play?” Callie asked, slipping her sketchbook back into her backpack. 

“Saxophone. I’m really into jazz sax, but all we ever play is random movie music, which is a bummer.” Pete shrugged, pushing his floppy hair back from his eyes, and wow, he was actually pretty cute. Callie’s gaze lingered on the flower on the back of his hand. “Oh, yeah, my soulmate, she really likes flowers and gets bored so she draws them. I know it’s not very manly or cool or whatever, but I really like them,” he whispered, twisting to make sure none of their classmates was around. 

“That’s sweet. Do you know her name?” 

“Nah, my parents said it’s better to let things run their course. You?” 

“Same. They're pretty traditional.” 

“So, uh, a few friends of mine were planning on doing a dinner before the dance, would you wanna come with?” Pete mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck. “Jake’s dad got us a reservation at Trilogy, but we don’t have anywhere to hang out before. Normally, we’d do it at Oscar’s, but his parents are out of town, which totally sucks because his house is awesome.”

With flushed cheeks and the residual excitement of being asked, Callie volunteered, “We could do it at my house if you want. We have a game room with air hockey and a pool table and a foosball table. It’s really cool. Would that work?” 

“Oh, are you serious?” Pete asked, his voice cracking a bit with the excitement. “That’d be perfect. Thanks, Callie!” He surged forward, pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek. “You’re the best. I’ll give you a call after school so we can figure all the details out. I better run. I’ve got gym on the other side of campus first period.” 

Callie nodded along, at a loss for words for how her morning had turned out. Fifteen minutes ago, she had been dreading having to come up with a reason to skip the dance. All of her friends had already been asked and they weren’t quite sure what to do with Callie and her datelessness. Now she had a date and Pete seemed sweet. 

The whole day, Callie found herself practically floating through school. She actually really liked school. She liked being good at things and she was really good at school. Her parents loved to brag about how she had already been selected for the honour list her first semester in high school and she was well on the track to repeat that. 

And maybe she took a sick bit of pleasure from the way teachers were always surprised at what a dedicated student she was in comparison to Aria, who was more the type to just show up and do well. Callie liked to put in the work and do research on her essays and turn in extra credit assignments. 

But on this day, she found herself less engaged in class and more focused on daydreaming. Pete was sweet and liked her drawings and admitted that he liked the flowers his soulmate drew. Plus, his blonde, swoopy hair was very cute. 

“... dude, I told you it’d work.” 

Callie paused to retie her shoe before she tripped over it. Eddie would just scold her if he saw it when she got to the car. 

“Jake, I dunno, man.” Callie froze at the sound of Pete’s voice. “It seems sort of mean. She’s actually really nice.” 

Staying crouched on the ground, she shifted closer to the half-wall dividing the corridor from the courtyard. 

“Pete, don’t be a dork.” 

“Yeah, man, my brother said their house is insane. He used to hook up with her sister and they’re loaded. Like butlers and private drivers loaded.” 

“Their house makes my house look small,” she knew that voice, Oscar. Her dad was friendly with his dad. “And as long you keep things chill, we’ll get to use it.” 

“But what about-” 

“You don’t have to kiss her or anything. Just like tell her she’s pretty.” 

Callie bit her lip before she could start crying. The last thing she wanted was for these boys to know they made her cry. 

“Alright, fine,” Pete said with a laugh that sounded beyond cruel to Callie’s ears. “Aw, man, we’re gonna miss the bus if we don’t run.” 

Callie pressed her back to the small wall, letting her head fall to the tops of her knees. After a few shaky breaths, Callie stood to her feet, brushing any potential dust from her jeans. She just had to make it to the car and then she could cry. She wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry here. 

“Hermanita!” 

“Aria? Why isn’t Eddie picking me up?” 

“Wow, you don’t have to sound so disappointed. I was just trying to do something nice for my baby sister.” 

“You’re never nice to me.” 

Aria scowled at that for a beat. “Do you want a… Callie, what’s wrong?” Callie swiped at her cheeks in fear of rogue tears. “Who made you cry?” 

“‘m not crying,” protested Callie, pushing at Aria as her older sister pulled her into a hug. “Stop it.” 

“You’re crying. Or about to. What happened? Did you fail a test or something?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Well, you’re going to because otherwise, Mami will think I made you cry, which I didn’t for the record.” Aria wrapped an arm around Callie’s shoulder with a reassuring squeeze. “So spill, chica.” As they walked towards Aria’s car, the group of boys Callie had overheard passed behind them, laughing loudly about something. Callie curled further in on herself, just knowing they were laughing about her. Aria shot a nasty glare their way. “Was it a boy? Was it one of those boys? I can go say something.” Aria paused, taking a half-step in their direction. 

Callie grabbed Aria’s arm, tugging her away. “Absolutely not, Aria! I’ll… I’ll tell you in the car. You have to promise not to make fun of me.”

“When would I ever do that?” 

Callie glared at her. “Literally all of the time. It’s like a facet of your personality at this point.” 

Aria rolled her eyes, but said nothing, just getting into the driver’s side of her car. “Spill,” she demanded as soon as Callie was in the car. “And try not to cry on my leather seats if you can help it.” 

Callie choked out a laugh. “I was starting to get worried that you had been replaced by a pod person.” 

“Talk, Calliope.” 

“Don’t call me Calliope.” Callie stared down at her hands, picking idly at her cuticles. “Pete, this boy, he, uh, he asked me to the Spring Dance.” 

“Oh, that’s great! Or is he gross and smelly? Because I remember freshman boys being gross.” 

Callie shook her head, fighting back a wave of tears. “No, no, he was nice and he’s cute-” 

“So why are you sad?” 

“Are you going to let me talk?” Callie snapped, her hands curling into fists in her lap. “He asked me and was really nice and we talked about hummingbirds and flowers. It was nice and all of my friends got asked already and I really wanted to go, but they didn’t want me to go to dinner with them without a date. And then Pete asked me and his friends had already planned dinner, but they didn’t have anywhere to hang out before because Oscar’s parents were out of town and I said that they could come over because we have the game room-” 

“-the game room is the best. Sorry, continue.” 

“But… but I just heard them, well, overheard Pete and his friends saying that he… that he… because we have a big house and we’re rich. That’s why….” 

“Oh, Callie,” sighed Aria, reaching across to brush back Callie’s hair as she broke down into a sob. “Shh, it’s okay. Boys are stupid.” 

“It’s just… it’s just….” Callie struggled for breath. “He was so nice.” 

“I know. It’s gonna be okay. I promise, in a year, you won’t even care about this boy.” 

“But, but all my friends, or at least, my supposed friends are going and they have dates and they don’t want me to go with them without a date and it’s embarrassing and the whole reason they did it was because one of their brothers knew you.” 

“Who?” 

“I dunno, Jake, I think? Does it matter?” 

“I suppose not,” Aria hummed. “I’m sorry, Callie.” 

“This is weird,” Callie laughed through a sob. “You’re being so nice. You’re never nice.” 

“Yeah, well,” Aria cleared her throat, “I’m your sister. I’m allowed to not be nice to you. Everyone else has to be nice to you.” 

“I’m such a loser,” Callie cried, breaking down in tears again in the face of Aria’s sudden kindness. “I’m such a loser. I barely have any friends and I hate it here. And I’m so ugly-” 

“That’s enough, Callie. You’re very pretty. You are my sister after all.” 

“We barely even look alike,” grumbled Callie, twisting away from her sister. “You’re all skinny with perfect hair and perfect skin.” 

“And I had horrible acne when I was your age and I looked like a twig. High school sucks for everyone. It gets better. You’ll be out of here before you know it.” 

“Easy for you to say. You’re already out of here.” Aria smiled a bit at that. “I just… I wanted for someone to actually pick me, you know? I didn’t get asked for homecoming and that was okay. But this is somehow worse. I don’t even want to go anymore. Mami and I already got a dress and I love the dress. But I can’t… I can’t…” 

“Then you won’t go,” Aria said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Callie frowned at her reflection in the side mirror. “Isn’t that letting them win?” 

“Not if we do something even cooler than the Spring Dance, which, just sayin’, is pretty lame. We’ll find somewhere for you to wear your pretty dress and I’ll take you to get a mani-pedi and I’ll even do your make-up for you because I’m a fabulous older sister.” 

“Mami and Daddy won’t like it. Mami says it’s important for me to go to social events and Daddy will want to know why and then he’ll get all Godfather-y about it.” 

Aria tsked as she pulled out of the school parking lot. “Mami has been obsessed with us being close for years and Daddy can’t say no to his Calliope.” 

“Stop calling me that.” 

“It’s your name. Even if it is sort of ridiculous. God, am I the best at this older sister stuff or what? You know, I bet if we asked really nicely, we could take the private jet somewhere. You don’t have a fake id by any chance?” 

The look of shock on their mother’s face when she found Aria and Callie curled up on the couch watching When Harry Met Sally was almost worth the pain of the day. 

And when the Spring Dance rolled around, a week after Callie stormed up to Pete and told him to go fuck himself (on Aria’s recommendation), Aria whisked Callie up to New York City for shopping and spa treatments. She topped off their day by taking Callie to a Broadway show and fancy dinner, so Callie could wear the dress she had picked out for the dance. But it did little to do away with the ache of loneliness and humiliation that had settled in Callie’s chest. She still had to return to school and face those jerks and Aria would go back to being her distant, sort of asshole-ish older sister.

24 October 1990

Stuttgart, Baden-Württemberg, Germany

Arizona, 

One of the firsties suggested we write letters to our families. It’s hard to call most of the time. It’s so weird, being the only one in the US now. I always liked Germany. 

The Academy is hard. Like, thank God for the Colonel’s insistence on PT. But I really like my classes. It’s all super interesting. I’d say you’d like it, but I think you’d only like the school part. I was going to play soccer, like always. A bit like whenever we move, we just join the soccer team and we have friends. But the crew coach cornered me and basically gang pressed me into it. Apparently, I have the height. I think you’d be too short. It’s another thing that the Colonel prepared me for - lots of barking orders. Although it’s all like that.

I’m hoping this gets to you on or before your birthday. You know, I think this is your first ever birthday that I haven’t been there for. Maybe we can celebrate at Christmas. I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to you, but I hope you’ve made some friends. I don’t like the idea of you being alone on your birthday. Make sure you take some time to celebrate. Have an extra piece of Mom’s cake for me. 

If you get a chance, send me a postcard or something. I wanna see where you guys are. This is so weird. 

I went and saw Grandmere the other weekend. She’s not doing too well. She thought I was Grandpa. Aunt Eloise cried. Can you tell Dad? Sorry to be depressing on your birthday. She did ask about you. You always were her favourite. 

Anyway, happy birthday, Zo! 

Goonies never say die, 

TR 

“Hey, Nebraska!” 

With a roll of her eyes, Arizona refolded Tim’s letter and slipped it into her jacket pocket. It wasn’t worth it. They weren’t worth it. She exhaled slowly. She focused on the list of homework assignments on her hand from her soulmate, half-written in Spanish. 

“Alaska, I was talking to you!” 

Just ignore it. Just ignore it. 

She glanced at the small watch her granddad had given her last Christmas. She could definitely go to class now and it wouldn’t be totally weird that she cut her lunch so short. Mrs Underhill was nice and always happy to lend Arizona a new book to read in her free time. 

“Utah, where’re you going?” 

“Walk away, Zander,” she spat out, shoving at his shoulder. Unfortunately, Zander towered above her and played rugby. 

“Hey, I was just being friendly.” He grabbed her wrist. “That’s some pretty girly handwriting you’ve got there.” 

“Let go of me.” 

One of Zander’s friends leaned in. “You don’t take Spanish. You’re in my French class!” 

“Ooh, Alabama, is your soulmate a fairy or, or, wait, are you a dyke?” 

“Fuck off, Zander.” She twisted her arm away from him. A strange sense of guilt pulled at her. She couldn’t be any odder than already being the perpetual new kid. She couldn’t do it. She wasn’t gay. 

“Touchy, touchy, Missouri.”

“My name is Arizona.” She took a step back, subconsciously planting her right foot behind her. “And I’ve heard all those jokes before. But you’re not exactly the brightest bulb, are you, Zander? You’re in remedial math, right?” 

“Shut up, you little twerp. Just ‘cause I’m not a dork like you doesn’t mean I’m not smart.” 

“Can you even spell Arizona? I bet you can’t.” She desperately missed Tim and even Nick. Normally, this went over a lot better with her 6’3” brother and his 180 pounds of muscle standing behind him. And Nick was in Georgia, where his dad had been reassigned, finishing out his last years of high school there. Arizona could just sense that this was not going to end well for her. 

Zander sneered down at her. “What kind of name even is Arizona? Is that where your dad fu-” Before Zander could finish his thought, Arizona’s fist was moving through the air, landing solidly against his nose. Pain exploded in Arizona’s hand and she let out a whimper. 

Oh, she was so dead. 

Zander fell to his knees, clutching his nose. “Bitch broke my nose! You bitch!” 

“What is going on here?” A teacher stepped in between them, his hands raised in placation. “Robbins, headmaster’s office. Brown, nurse’s office. The rest of you get to class.” Another teacher appeared, motioning for Arizona to follow her. 

Well, crap. 

At least, he had gone down in one hit. But Arizona was nearly positive that she broke something in her hand. Apparently, Zander had a very hard nose. 

Happy birthday to her, huh? 

She missed Tim. She hated her birthday without him. He was the only one who ever celebrated it with her. Her mom always made a nice dinner and her favourite chocolate cake. Her dad had practically missed more birthdays than he attended. But Tim always did something. Like taking her for ice cream or to the movies or letting her borrow his skateboard. It was their thing. Tim’s birthday was in the spring and he was better at making friends than her, so most of the time he was able to have a proper birthday party. But with her birthday in the fall, she never knew anyone well enough to want a birthday party. So it was her and Tim’s day. 

But he had to go and be smart and go off to college. The jerk. 

She really needed to stop the fighting. One of these days, she was going to get her ass kicked and Tim wasn’t around. She’d gone nearly two years without an actual fight at school, but Zander hadn’t let up since the first day of class. He was just a jerk with an ego. 

She flexed her fingers, wincing at the sharp pain. Something was really not right with her hand. 

What if they put this on her permanent record? Did they let people who got into fistfights into medical school? Was it really a fistfight? It was more like she punched someone before he could punch her. Which, in her opinion, was a perfectly reasonable reason to do so. 

But somehow, she doubted her parents would see it that way. Her mom was already having a tough time with Tim away at college. And her dad, well, he was always a wildcard with these sorts of things. She had been yelled at and quietly praised. It gave her whiplash. 

“Arizona Cecilia, what have you done?” 

“Hi Daddy,” she said, smiling up at her dad in an attempt to soften him up. “I swear I didn’t mean to get in a fight. Well, it wasn’t so much of a fight.” 

“Do you know who you punched?” He squatted in front of her, frustration lighting up his face. “Lieutenant General Brown’s son, Arizona. You got in a fight with my superior officer’s son. Do you have any idea the damage you may have done?” 

“Daddy, I-” 

“Arizona. You are far too old for this.” 

“You never cared when Tim got into fights,” she snapped back, folding her hands over her chest in defiance. “When Tim gets into fights, he gets a pat on the back.” 

“Arizona, this is serious.” 

“I didn’t start it!” 

“And yet, he’s with the nurse and you’re sat here.” 

“Dad, I-” 

“Robbins.” 

“Sir.” Arizona sank further in her seat as her father snapped to attention. This was new levels of bad. “I apologize-” 

“Alexander, this is who you got in a fight with?” Lt. General Brown asked, gesturing to Arizona. Her dad pulled her to her feet by the back of her jacket. “Daniel, I just assumed it was your son.” 

“Timothy is a cadet at West Point.” The weight of her father’s hand on her shoulder and more importantly his disappointment practically made Arizona’s knees buckle. “This is my daughter, Arizona.” 

Zander pouted a bit beneath an ice pack. “Dad, she-” 

“Alexander, she is tiny. And she broke your nose!” Brown chuckled, slapping his son on the back. “Girl, that’s one hell of a right hook you’ve got there.” 

“General, I promise you this will not happen again, right, Arizona?” His grip tightened until Arizona nodded stiffly. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Maybe she should take your spot on the rugby team, Alexander. Ah, Headmaster Kopp, lovely to see you again.” 

“Gentlemen, Miss Robbins.” The headmaster appraised the situation before him, his gaze lingering on Arizona’s broken hand and Zander’s broken nose. “I hear there was an altercation at lunch.” 

“It’s fine,” Zander said, his voice thick. “Doesn’t matter.” 

“Son, you’ve got a broken nose.” 

“It’ll toughen the boy up. He should know better than to pick fights he can’t win,” his father chuckled, shaking his head. “I’ll leave any punishment up to the school. But I wouldn’t be too harsh on Miss Robbins.” 

“Of course, General.” The headmaster shifted his focus to Arizona and her father. “If the Browns are fine with it, I think suspension for the rest of the day as well as tomorrow should do the trick.” Brown waved it off. “Perfect. Miss Robbins, if you would, please gather your belongings.” 

Arizona froze on the spot, dread building in her throat. “Uh, Headmaster, will this be going on my record?” 

“That is the procedure typically.” Arizona’s head dropped to her chest. “But, considering that the General doesn’t seem inclined to pursue matters further and your otherwise stellar academic performance, so long as it doesn’t happen again, I think I can let you off with a warning.” Arizona exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. “Make sure you get that hand looked at.” 

“Thank you, Headmaster, sir.” Her father nodded to the other two men. “Arizona, if you have anything to say…” 

“Zander, I apologize for breaking your nose.” 

“Zander,” his father snapped, prompting his son. 

“I’m sorry for what I said. It was rude.” 

“If only all peace talks could be so easy, eh, Robbins? Take the rest of the day too.” The general chuckled more to himself than anyone else, “Knocked on his ass by a girl. What is the world coming to?” 

“Arizona, let’s go.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

Arizona trailed after her father, quietly retrieving her school things, barely able to make eye contact with him. 

“Hospital first. Then home. Your mother is home already. I believe she’s making a birthday cake for you.” Once they were both in the car, he pinned Arizona with an even sterner look. “Now, for the love of God, Arizona, please explain to me why you were fighting a boy twice your size.” 

She brushed her fingers absently over the words on the back of her hand. She couldn’t tell her dad what Zander had said. He… she didn’t even want to think about what he’d do. “It was stupid.” 

“Arizona. Tell me. Now.” 

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. “It was the same as always. Just stupid jokes about my name.” She could bring herself to repeat Zander’s final joke. It was just too… gross, ya know. 

“That was barely acceptable when you were a child. You are not a child anymore. You need to rise above. It is your name. If you continue down this path, do you really think that becoming a doctor will be an option for you?” 

“You’re not the one with a freakin’ state for a name,” Arizona mumbled under her breath. 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing, sir.” 

“That’s what I thought.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Happy birthday, Arizona.” 

Tim, 

Your letter arrived the day before, but I waited to read it until today. 

I’m currently suspended from school for fighting. Again. And it was Dad’s commanding officer’s son. So I’m grounded until basically Christmas. His commanding officer thought it was funny. 

I really miss you. You always had my back. 

My birthday was weird. Mom was just trying to keep the peace as usual and Dad was still too pissed at me. It’s not like I asked to have a name that’s easy picking for morons. I don’t hate my name, but there’s only so many times I can hear those jokes before I snap. And the one today was bad. Like I don’t even want to repeat it bad.

School’s going well otherwise. Same old, same old. 

Goonies never say die. 

AR

22 November 1990

Miami, Florida

Callie watched with rapt interest as her grandmother chopped potatoes, effortlessly trading one out for another with barely a glance. Even in her old age, her abuela was nothing if not sharp. 

“Callita, help your uncle scrub the rest of the vegetables. I swear, we’re never going to have this ready in time for dinner! Your mother should’ve started preparations a week ago,” her abuela grumbled.

As Callie made her way over to the sink, she said, “Oh, she had a big case come up this week.” She winced a bit as her abuela continued grumbling about how it was unfortunate that her mother worked all the time instead of taking care of things at home. Callie loved her abuela, but she was painfully old fashioned sometimes. 

Even though she’d love to have more time with her mother, Callie sort of loved that her mother was this badass attorney. As much as she loved spending time with her father, her mother’s office was her favourite between the two. It didn’t hurt that Brian, her mother’s assistant, always kept the best snacks at his desk. But there was just something really cool about seeing her mother work and most of the time, kick everyone’s ass. 

She wasn’t entirely sure what exactly her mom did most of the time. Some sort of family law, she thought. Her mom had handled one of her friends’ parents’ divorce and according to Anna, took her ‘cheating, scumbag dad to the cleaners’. But the case this week was something else. She had heard her parents talking about it late at night earlier in the week. Something to do with immigration. 

Regardless, Callie thought it was cool that her mom was so independent and badass. It might break her father’s heart a bit, but she would much rather follow her mother’s path than join his company. That was more Aria’s speed. Callie wanted to help people. The only problem was being an attorney definitely involved speaking in front of people and Callie was horrible at that. Her last presentation at school had ended with her throwing up on her teacher’s desk and being sent home for the day. 

“You’re very deep in thought,” her Uncle Berto whispered, nudging her with his shoulder. “Solving all the world’s ills?” 

Callie grinned up at him. “Of course, Uncle Berto. I am the smartest one here,” she laughed, “Pass me the carrots.” 

The pair of them scrubbed away at the honestly alarming pile of vegetables. If Callie didn’t know any better, she’d say that it was too much, but she couldn’t remember a family meal where they hadn’t cleaned practically every plate. 

“So, tell me, how is, hm, sophomore year?” 

“It’s alright. I like school, well, I like the academic part for sure. And the arts program at my school is the best. Ms Marshall, my art teacher, she’s the coolest. We’re studying realism right now. We’re using watercolour, which isn’t my favourite, but it’s still probably my favourite class. Well, second favourite, I really like science too.” 

Uncle Berto nodded along, a kind smile on his face. “Perhaps we have a budding doctor or scientist in our midst?” 

A doctor? She hadn’t thought of that. That would be sort of cool and she was positive that doctors didn’t have to talk in front of big crowds ever. 

“I dunno, Uncle Berto. I’ve got a long time before I have to make any decisions.” Callie focused back down at the carrot she had been scrubbing for the better part of a minute. She set it down, reaching for another. 

Her uncle leaned in, his eyes wide with curiosity. “Is that from your soulmate?” He asked in a conspiratorial whisper, nodding towards the poorly drawn turkey and hastily scribbled joke. “ My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes… but I told them I couldn’t quit cold turkey. Oh good, they’re funny, aren’t they?” 

Callie flushed under his scrutiny, fighting the urge to cover her hand. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed by her soulmate or anything, it was more that she wasn’t used to people drawing attention to it. “I guess.” 

“What’s their name?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Ah, keeping things mysterious and traditional, I get it.” He nodded knowingly. 

“My parents said it’s better to let life take its course. That we’ll find each other.” 

“I agree. You’ll know when you meet them, him. It’ll happen when you least expect it. But it’ll be so worth it.” 

“Is it really magical? When you meet your soulmate?” 

A flicker of sadness crossed Uncle Berto’s face. “Yes, it is, Callita. When you find this person, the person who was made for you, who is your equal and your match, it’s as if the world slows around you and it takes your breath away. And you have to hold onto that. No matter what the world throws at you. They’re your person.” Callie eagerly drank in her uncle’s words. Her parents were more reticent to speak on soulmates. 

“I can’t wait to meet him,” she sighed. 

Uncle Berto patted her shoulder. “You will, in time. I know you will.” As Callie looked up at him, she couldn’t shake the feeling that he seemed sad. He spoke as if he had already met his soulmate, but then why wasn’t she here? Wouldn’t they be married? Uncle Berto had lived with his roommate, David, for as long as she could remember. Oh . David was her Uncle Berto’s soulmate. But why didn’t he come to family dinners? That seemed wrong. 

Callie continued mulling over those thoughts as she scrubbed her pile of carrots. Uncle Berto was practically her favourite relative. And David was always nice whenever she saw him. But Uncle Berto always said he was his roommate. It seemed wrong that he would have to hide his soulmate. No one should feel guilty for who their soulmate is. 

She just knew as soon as she found her soulmate, she’d want to shout it from the roof, that she had finally found him. Hiding that seemed unfathomable. 

25 December 1990

Stuttgart, Baden-Württemberg, Germany

“Merry Christmas, Arizona,” her mother said in greeting as she pressed a kiss to Arizona’s head. Arizona twisted slightly to grin at her mother, keeping an eye on the pancakes she was making. 

“Merry Christmas, Mom.” 

“Pancakes smell good.” 

“It’s the recipe that Dad always makes.” Arizona nodded towards the open cookbook, now featuring a smear of pancake batter. Her mother’s smile flickered for a second, her eyes turning sad. “Oh, uh, I’m sorry if I-” 

“No, no, it’s perfect, sweetheart.” 

“I also started your coffee.” 

Her mother peered at the mug near Arizona’s elbow. “Are you drinking coffee? I thought we decided no coffee until you’re 16.” 

Arizona flushed. “It’s hot chocolate. Tim sent me some. I sort of opened one of my presents already. Tim had told me what it was.” 

“You do realize that they have hot chocolate here,” her mother commented with a fond smile, pouring herself some coffee. “In fact, I’m sure that we could get you real Swiss hot chocolate, instead of the prepackaged stuff.” 

“The prepackaged stuff tastes better.” 

“Of course, honey. Your pancakes are burning.” 

“Oh crap!” Arizona turned back to the pancakes, reaching for a spatula, but instead, her elbow knocked into the handle of the pan, sending it crashing to the floor. In her efforts to avoid the hot pan, she managed to bump the bowl of pancake batter, which soon joined the pan. Arizona let out a pathetic whimper, an angry red burn already forming across the knuckles of her left hand. 

“Arizona!” Her mother tugged her away from the stove. As her mother guided her to the table, carefully cradling her injured hand, Arizona burst into tears. “Shh, it’s okay, Zozo.” She pressed a kiss to Arizona’s temple. 

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to do something, like how Christmas usually is. Like how it’s supposed to be,” Arizona sobbed, burying her face in her mother’s shoulder. “But I ruined it!” 

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s fine. You did a good job,” her mother whispered in placation. “Why don’t we get your hand under some cold water?” 

“It hurts,” whimpered Arizona. “It hurts so badly.” 

“I know, I know.” 

“I’m sorry, Mama. I ruined everything.” Arizona choked out a laugh, cutting through her tears. “I thought Dad said that even an idiot could make pancakes. Dad can’t even make dinner.” 

“Arizona, your father only knows how to make pancakes. Not that he hasn’t tried,” she chuckled as she wrapped Arizona’s hand in a towel. 

Arizona sucked her bottom lip between her teeth at the dull pain throbbing. “I miss him,” she admitted, immediately feeling like a child. “He said that he’d be around here. That he wouldn’t leave.” With her uninjured hand, she wiped furiously at the tears on her cheeks. 

Her mother pursed her lips, emotions warring across her face. “Your father, you know he’d be here if he could.” 

“I know,” Arizona sighed, feeling for all the world like an ungrateful brat. “I know. It’s just… Christmas feels wrong.” As soon as she said the words, she regretted them. Her mother flinched back. “No, Mom, it’s not that… it’s just, Tim’s not here, Dad’s not here. Dad’s never here. I just….” Her shoulders slumped. “I don’t know.” 

Her mother brushed a few strands of hair back behind her ear, a sort of half-pained look lingering in her eyes. “Arizona…” 

“I’m sorry, I swear, I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that,” she rushed out, “I… I don’t… I don’t like Dad and Tim being gone. Dad’s always gone, but Tim’s supposed to be here.” 

“I know.” 

“I just… I just want to be normal. I just want to be like everyone else. I want Dad home like a normal Dad, I don’t want Tim a million miles away. I don’t want to move every six months. I don’t want to have a stupid name that everyone always makes fun of.” Her mother inhaled a sharp breath, but Arizona barely even paused to draw breath herself. “I’m tired of always being different and, and,” it felt like there was something on the tip of her tongue, but she had no idea what it was. “And my hand hurts.” 

“How about we head over to the hospital and get this checked out?” 

20 June 1991

Miami, Florida

Callie rolled onto her stomach, propping herself up on one elbow, hot sand shifting under her weight. She flipped the page of her book, silently cursing Elizabeth Bennet and her inability to see Mr Darcy. If there was some dark and handsome man flirting with her, Callie’d be all over that. 

She glanced up at the sound of her name. Carla, her cousin on her father’s side, waved at her, an ice cream cone in each hand. “Callita! I got you chocolate. And I also scoped out some very cute boys playing volleyball over there.” Carla nodded further down the beach with a hungry look in her eye. 

“Mm, thanks, Car.” 

“Cal, we’re at the beach. There are hot boys. You’re hot. Why are you just lying around reading?” 

“I have to read this for class,” Callie mumbled into her ice cream. She certainly wasn’t going to admit to her bombshell, fresh out of her first year of college cousin that she was terrible at talking to boys. Carla would definitely tell Aria and Aria would make fun of her forever. 

“More for me then. I’ll be over there if you need me.” She smiled kindly at her younger cousin. “Really, Cal, I remember being 16. I’m happy to help in any way you need. Just let me know, yeah?” 

“Thanks, Car, I just really want to get this finished. Maybe I’ll come over in a bit?” she offered with a blush. 

“Sure thing, Callita. See you in a bit!” With an exaggerated swing to her hips, Carla headed across the beach. Callie stifled a laugh as she watched Carla slowly licking her ice cream as she did so. Maybe she should take Carla up on her offer. 

“Oh crap,” Callie hissed as ice cream dripped onto her leg. She swiped as much of it as possible with her thumb. Almost as soon as she cleaned up the ice cream, neat, familiar words appeared on her leg. 

I kissed a girl last night.

Jealousy or something similar grew in Callie’s stomach. He was free to kiss whoever. She didn’t even know his name. 

Callie retrieved the pen from her book and wrote, Okay? Why are you telling me?

She grinned slightly at the memory of the first real conversation they had ever had. The one where her soulmate had gotten in a fight and chatted with her ‘cause he was bored. 

I don’t know. I didn’t know who else to tell. I don’t have a lot of close friends. I like to think you’re a friend 

Even as she tried to tamp it down, Callie couldn’t help but feel inappropriately pleased that her soulmate must be somewhat of a loner like her. 

We’re friends

Good. I’m glad. 

His handwriting had only gotten nicer over the years. Now, it was tight and neat, letters no longer randomly drifting away. 

Was it a good kiss? 

It was magical

Callie chewed on her cheek for a moment. Some boy, probably hundreds of miles away, who didn’t even know her, had kissed some girl and she was jealous. But magical, that’s a pretty loaded answer. Couldn’t he have just said nice or whatever? 

Not as magical as kissing you will be appeared, quickly followed by a heart. 

Callie’s cheeks burned and she was positive it wasn’t from the sun. 

Bold 

Romantic, you mean 

Sure, just a regular Mr Darcy

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." - I read it for school this summer 

I’m reading it right now 

Oh no, did I just spoil it? 

Don’t think so

Have you kissed anyone? 

Yes. Callie glanced around nervously as if her father was about to pop up and see her secret. She was positive, no, she knew if her father found out that she had been flirting and kissing the junior boy he had hired to clean the pool, he’d probably drown poor Simon. 

Cool. 

Callie wondered if he was feeling jealous too. Was it horrible if she hoped he was? 

1 September 1991

Kaneohe, Hawaii

Arizona had spent the summer writing what Tim had teasingly called love notes to her soulmate. Mainly quotes from literature, the occasional poem from the small anthology her mother had. It wasn’t as if she had anything else to do. 

They had left Germany the day after Eva Southers kissed her. The only person who knew was her soulmate. She hadn’t even told Tim yet because as soon as she told Tim, it’d be real. 

She and Eva had been practically attached at the hip following a joint history project they had worked on. Eva was cool in a way Arizona both admired and resented. And she was beautiful with dark curls and bright green eyes and a smile that made Arizona’s breath catch in her chest. 

Eva had six younger siblings so far preferred the Robbins’ house to hers, spending their afternoons listening to Sinéad O'Connor and testing the small amount of makeup Eva had and laughing about how annoying Mr Jones, their chem teacher was. So it had seemed perfectly normal when Eva showed up the day before they moved. Arizona followed as she had for the past few months, happy for any time spent with Eva. She had had friends before, she had Tim and Nick, but Eva was different somehow. 

Eva had pulled her behind a supply shed and before Arizona could even ask what was happening, Eva kissed her. 

And it was like everything clicked into place for her. 

Eva tasted like the cinnamon gum she always bought from the exchange and the weak beer they had been sharing and the sticky, pink lip gloss she preferred. It was perfect and terrifying and confusing. 

And now, Arizona was in Hawaii, 7,000 miles away from Eva and her warm hands and soft lips. And she felt like she was drowning. 

Her mother threw herself into her volunteer work at the base hospital and her father had that empty look in his eyes again after January. 

And Arizona was gay. 

Alone in the half unpacked house, she stared up at her ceiling. Classes would start in two days. 

Arizona would walk into a high school, by herself for only the second time. A bored principal would look over her past grades and quietly insinuate that she may have a behaviour problem with so many schools in so many years until Arizona corrected that her father was a Marine. He’d then send her on her way to a class full of kids who probably knew each other since they were in diapers. The teacher would make her introduce herself, saying “Tell us your name, honey.” And she would, followed up by the inevitable, “Your name, not where you’re from.” She’d keep her head down and do her schoolwork and join the soccer team and be smiley and friendly. No more fighting, just keep it easy and get along with everyone. 

It was down to a science at this point. But now, now a new deep-seated fear had settled in her chest. 

She was more than used to being different, being the odd man out. But before it had been a matter of circumstance. Now it was deeper than that. And she was terrified. 

So much so, that she had nicked a large, empty jar when she and her mother had been unpacking and tucked it behind her winter jackets. Since the end of June, she had been stashing away any cash she made during odd jobs or the spare change left over from when her dad sent her to pick up a pizza. It wasn’t much, but it was something. She had it all figured out. She’d use the cash to fly to New York to Tim and he could hide her in his dorm room or something until she got enough cash together to have her own place. Then she’d continue to be brilliant in school and get a scholarship and everything would be fine. 

Yep, everything was going to be just fine. 

But it’d be easier if all of this stayed a secret for a while longer. At least until she had taken her ACTs and SATs. That’d be better. 

“Sweetheart? Are you home?” 

“Yeah, Mom, I’ll be down in a second.” 

Scrubbing a hand over her face, she stood to her feet. This was by far the biggest room she’d ever had beyond the one in the townhouse in Boston. But it seemed so empty, just a few scattered piles of school books, a couple of posters including Cindy Crawford and Mia Hamm and the CD player Tim had left when he moved out to West Point. 

She shook her head and headed downstairs to join her mother. 

“How was your day? Here, give me a hand with these groceries. Your dad won’t be home ‘til later. He’s got some work at the VA.” Arizona nodded along. It wasn’t as if her father was really there even when he was. 

“Fine, finished my physics textbook and took some notes on my history textbook. I think I’m probably a couple of weeks ahead in history now. Helps that I’ve had the entire military history of the United States drilled into me my whole life,” she added with a chuckle, leaning up on her toes to put away the canned food. 

Her mother tsked in amused disapproval, passing behind her. “That’s good. He’ll be thrilled.” Arizona swallowed back a sharp retort that would only serve to bother her mother. “It’ll get better. He’ll get better. You know it can be like this sometimes.” 

“Yep.” She was more than aware of her father’s moods that flared up. He was never outwardly angry, at least not more than usual. But he’d withdraw further and further, becoming sharper and harsher. She could still remember being in second grade and thrilled to have her daddy home for Christmas and not understanding why he was limping or why he never wanted to play with her. Tim had taken her aside and told her to leave him alone and that if she wanted to play, she could play with him. 

“Have you been getting more marks these days?” Her mother’s question surprised her, nearly causing her to drop a can of soup. She nodded towards Arizona’s exposed arm. “That’s pretty.” 

A spiralling rose wound its way up Arizona’s forearm in thick black lines. Across the inside of her wrist was scrawled: 

Ninguna más, amor, dormirá con mis sueños.

Irás, iremos juntos por las aguas del tiempo.

Ninguna viajará por la sombra conmigo,

sólo tú, siempreviva, siempre sol, siempre luna.

“They have nice handwriting.” Arizona’s heart clenched at the neutral pronoun. She couldn’t do this. 

“Mhm.” 

“Is that Spanish? I’ve seen English on your hands before.” Her mother cradled Arizona’s hand, gently tracing over the words. 

“Sometimes,” Arizona choked out, “We’ve been… um, sending each other quotes and poems back and forth.” She had never been so careful in choosing her words. 

“Oh, that’s so romantic, Arizona. A pity you don’t know Spanish. I told you you should take Spanish, not French. You already know French.” 

A bright blush worked its way up Arizona’s cheeks. “It’s better for my GPA,” she protested, “I’m already in all advanced classes as it is.” 

“Yes, yes, you are, my little genius.” Her mother pressed a kiss to her temple. “Can you read it at all?” 

“Generally, I guess. It’s something like, ‘no one else will sleep in my dreams, we go over the, um, time water? Only we will travel through shadows. Only you, ever sun, ever moon.’ Something like that at least.” 

“Oh, that’s wonderful, Zoie. Have you been writing out French poetry as well? Your father used to do that. Your Grandmere would write them out for him and then he’d write them across here,” her mother dragged her fingers across the skin of Arizona’s wrist. 

“Dad read poetry?” 

“Your father has his moments. He can be quite the romantic.” Her mother laughed with an easy smile. “This is… I’m so very happy for you.” Her mother pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tight. “I love you, you know that, right, Arizona?” Arizona nodded against her mother’s shoulder, not trusting her voice at that moment. “No matter what. I’ll always love you.” 

12 February 1992

Miami, Florida

Callie readjusted her bag over her shoulder, desperate to leave school for the day. She hated it. And to make matters worse, the entire school had been decorated for Valentine’s Day, rubbing it in that Callie was very much alone. 

“Calliope!” Her head snapped in direction of her name. Her father, with a wide grin on his face, waved eagerly, leaning against his car. As soon as she was within arms’ reach, he pulled her into a hug. 

“I thought you weren’t back until later tonight.” 

“My business finished early so I thought I’d take my favourite girl out for an early Valentine’s dinner. What do you say?” She nodded eagerly, more than happy to have some one on one time with her father. “ Perfecto, vamos. If you’d like, you can invite a friend or two,” he offered. 

“Um, no, I’d like it if it was just the two of us, Daddy.” She wasn’t about to admit to her dad that she really only had acquaintances at school. Her closest friend was probably her cousin and Carla was far away in North Carolina these days with her dreamy boyfriend, who had matching marks to hers. 

Thankfully, her father didn’t challenge her on that. “I’d love that, Calliope. Shall we go to the club? Or would you rather somewhere else?” 

“The club’s fine. I’m easy. I’m just excited to see you. You’ve been away for so long!” She laughed as they slid into the back seat. “Afternoon, Eddie,” she called up to her father’s long time driver. “So, Daddy, how was New York? Can I come with you next time?” 

“If you aren’t in school, I’m sure we can work something out. Your mother mentioned you had your first meeting with your college counsellor. Tell me, what did he have to say? Did he say that you’d have your pick of school because of your brilliance? Because anything less would be a disgrace.” 

Callie laughed lightly at her father’s obvious pride. “He said that my test scores were very promising and given that I’m on the Dean’s list, academics should be no problem. He was a bit concerned that I didn’t have more extracurriculars beyond editing the art magazine.” 

Her father scoffed, “You are at the top of your class. Where does he expect you to be doing further activities? I don’t want you playing sports. Do you remember what happened when you played basketball with your cousins?” He shuddered. “I’d prefer not having to visit you again in a hospital if I could help it, yes?” Callie nodded in agreement. It had hurt like nothing else she had ever experienced, but it had been sort of cool to see her bones. “You do have a beautiful singing voice-” 

“But I throw up if I have to in front of people.” 

Her father raised his hands defensively. “I understand, my dear, it just makes me sad that you’re unable to share your gift with others. But your artistic work is stunning as well. In fact, the next piece you finish in class, I’d be grateful if I could have it for my office here in Miami.” 

“Of course, Daddy. We’re doing ceramics this semester. It’s all about structure and shape. I’ve been working on this piece using hand movement as my reference,” her father smiled and nodded along as Callie described her work to him. She just found it so intriguing the way hands moved and worked. How delicate and yet strong they could be at the same time. 

Her father had always been more supportive of her artistic pursuits, whereas her mother had taken a more distant perspective. His office, both at his headquarters and at home, was fully decorated by Callie’s artwork. They spanned from silly finger painting pictures to her more recent, more mature pieces. She had even worked on a portrait of her father’s parents over the summer, surprising him with it for his birthday. 

“Mr Torres, Miss Torres, we’ve arrived.” 

“Shall we, my dear?” Her father held out a hand for her after stepping out of the car. 

As they walked into the club, her father merely waved at acquaintances, choosing instead to focus fully on his daughter. 

“You were telling me about your college counsellor, what else did he have to say?” 

Callie took a long sip of her lemon water before answering, “He suggested that I might prefer a smaller, liberal arts school as I’m not fully certain of what I’d like to study. But I’ve always really liked science and I think that a larger school would have better science departments. And so many liberal arts schools are in tiny towns. I don’t think I could handle that.” 

“Very logical, mija. What about the university here?” 

“I’m not sure, Daddy. I love Miami. I love being so close to you and Mami. But… I think it’d be good to spread my wings a bit. I’ve never lived anywhere else my whole life. Aria seems to like California well enough.” 

“Oh, have you spoken to your sister lately?” 

“No, I was talking to Mami about it and she suggested I ask Aria about schools. But I don’t think I’d like California very much. I was actually thinking I’d like New York. Or maybe even Boston or DC.” 

Her father nodded along, a serious expression in his eyes. “So Harvard, Georgetown or Columbia then.” 

“If I get in.” 

“You will. I know that for certain. You have excellent grades and are extraordinarily bright. Trust me, mija, you will get in wherever you want.” He patted her hand. “Oh, what is this?” He lifted her hand up a bit so he could see what was written across the top. “ ‘Doubt that the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move his aides, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.’ Reading Hamlet in class. How was the Scarlet Letter? ” 

Even in the perfectly climate-controlled environment of the country club dining room, Callie’s cheeks flushed. “Um, we sometimes share lines from the books we read in class. It started as a joke over the summer. But it’s… it’s nice.” 

“Oh, that’s wonderful, Calliope. And what a gentleman you seem to have found. Well-read too. I have high hopes for this boy.” He squeezed her hand affectionately. “Perhaps it is best if you go further afield for university. He strikes me as the type to go somewhere rigorous. You need someone who is your intellectual equal.” 

“You got all of that from a single line and his handwriting?” 

“A line from Shakespeare, mija!” 

“Everyone has to read Shakespeare in school, Dad.” 

“Ah, yes, but not everyone writes romantic lines on their hand for their soulmate. Especially not teenaged boys. I would know. I was one once,” he said in a low whisper as if it were some great secret. Which, to be fair, Callie had a difficult time imagining either of her parents as teenagers. “Was this why you started stealing the Pablo Neruda books out of the library?” Callie nodded, her cheeks burning. “He speaks Spanish?” 

“I don’t think so. He writes in French occasionally, but I think that it was for a class.” 

“French is romantic, not as romantic as Spanish of course. But it is still a beautiful language and country. Do you remember when we took you girls to Paris? You must’ve been, hm, seven or so. You were enchanted by the city. Perhaps someday you will return to Paris with your literary-inclined soulmate. I look forward to meeting your gentleman suitor.” 

“How did you know?” 

“Know what?” 

“That you had found Mami.” Callie expected her father’s face to light up and for him to launch into the grand love story of how her parents met. Instead, his expression darkened slightly and he withdrew, leaving her hand on the table.  

“Perhaps we should talk about something else, mija.” 

“Why, Daddy? I’ve asked Mami and she refused. I want to know. Tell me, please.” 

Her father waved over a waiter, ordering a tequila for himself. Callie studied him, the way his jaw remained clenched and the buried pain in his eyes. Her father, while loving, kept secrets and very rarely shared anything personal. 

Once he had a tequila in hand, he exhaled slowly. “I… This is difficult, mija. I met your mother not long after I took over from your abuelo. I…. Your sister….” Callie frowned as her father stumbled uselessly over his words. 

“What about Aria?” 

Her father drummed his fingers on the table, making the silverware rattle on the table. “Aria’s father, Stavros… as you know, he died when Aria was one.” Callie nodded along. Aria had never been quiet about her father, not that Callie would blame her. She’d be devastated to lose her father. “Stavros, he and your mother were soulmates.” Callie’s fingers tightened around the white napkin in her lap. “By all accounts, he was a wonderful, clever man.” 

“How did he die?” 

Her father shifted in discomfort. “In a boating accident. It was a great tragedy. Your mother, she, she doesn’t like to speak on it. The pain, the agony of losing your soulmate, I’m told it’s like nothing else.”

“So… so you and Mami aren’t…. You’re not….” Bile rose in Callie’s throat. She had always thought her parents’ marriage was perfect. “Do you still love each other?” Her voice was barely above a whisper and to her own ears, she sounded like a child. “Is that way Aria’s always so angry? Why… why… why did you have me? If you aren’t soulmates. I shouldn’t exist!” 

“Calliope Iphegenia Torres!” He barked, drawing the attention of a few of the other diners. “I never want to hear you say anything like that again. You are… you are the greatest thing I have in my life. You are the most precious, the most loved…. Calliope, you and your mother and your sister are my world. But you, my child, are the most precious of gems. Never, ever forget that.” Callie sniffled but nodded. “When I met your mother, I, well, I thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen and I knew, I just knew I had to speak to her, get to know her. And she turned out to be intelligent and caring and we shared the same values.” 

“But you never met your soulmate?” 

Her father glanced away, lost in thought. “I… no, I never did. We agreed some years ago not to contact each other again. Every so often, there may be a small mark. But we agreed it was for the best. I would not trade my life for anything. I would not trade you, Calliope, for anything or anyone. Do you know why I named you Calliope?” 

“Because you wanted to toughen me up for the world at a young age,” she quipped with a half-hearted grin, still reeling from her father’s admission. 

He shook his head and chuckled. “Don’t be ridiculous, mija. Calliope is a perfectly normal name. I could’ve named you something more outlandish, like Persphone or Winifred. Or like those ridiculous children at your school who are named after places, like London or Dakota.” 

“Well, thank you then, Daddy.” 

“I named you Calliope because as soon as you came into this world, you cried and cried and it was the most beautiful sound in the world. And so I named you for one of the nine muses, for your most beautiful voice.” 

Callie squirmed under her father’s fond smile. He was so embarrassing sometimes. “Only you would think a baby sounded beautiful, Daddy.”

“Only a father would,” he corrected, “Never doubt that I love you, Calliope.” 

“But you… you don’t have your soulmate. Doesn’t that make you sad?” 

He reached back across the table for her hand, the one covered in her soulmate’s neat writing. “I am the happiest man on earth, Calliope. Your soulmate, they do not complete you, they enhance you. Some say that humans were born with four arms and four legs and that we spend our lives searching for our other half. But that’s reductive, is it not? There are so many ways to love, the love of a spouse, the love of a child, of a grandchild.” 

“So you’re saying that there’s no point to soulmates?” Sadness and dread emerged in her tone as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She had always loved the idea that there was someone out there who would understand her and love her without condition. 

“No, no, mija. That is not it. It’s a precious magical thing. But sometimes, our lives and our destinies work out in mysterious ways that we cannot predict.” Her father leaned over the table, a conspiratorial glint in his eye. “And I cannot wait to meet with this gentleman of yours and dance with you at your wedding. Now, how about some dinner? I’m buying.” 

24 May 1992

Kaneohe, Hawaii

“Dude, this is by far the best place we’ve ever lived.” Tim took a long slurp of his slushie before smacking his lips. He twisted around to lean against the picnic table they had set up on. “Even better than California. And I really liked California.” 

“Weren’t you like twelve when we lived in California? I barely even remember it beyond that creepy snowman in the yard across from us.” 

“That’s ‘cause you were a baby.” Tim gestured with his slushie, a stupid grin on his face. “But I mean, c’mon, this is awesome. The weather’s awesome. The babes are awesome. Overall, awesome.” 

“Please tell me you didn’t just say babes.” 

“You know I did.” 

“You’re embarrassing. Does that crap even work on girls?” 

“You tell me.” 

Arizona’s heart dropped to her feet and she practically choked on her slushie. Did Tim know? Would he tell their dad? 

“Is it just me or is everyone hot here?” 

“You really need to get a girlfriend, Timothy,” she shot back before standing to throw away their trash. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she mumbled as she knocked shoulders with someone. “Oh, hey, Missy.” 

“‘Zona! Hey, who’s the hunky guy you’re having lunch with?” The taller girl flipped her dark hair over her shoulder, her focus firmly on Tim. Arizona glanced over her shoulder and bit back a groan. For some ungodly reason, Tim had pulled his shirt off. He was such a moron. “And by hunky, I mean major hottie.” 

“You mean Tim? Oh, he’s my brother.” 

“You have a brother?” Missy looped her arm through Arizona’s elbow. Arizona just knew her cheeks were burning red and she could only pray that it was played off as sunburn. “You never mentioned that. I thought we were friends.” 

“We are. It just… never came up?” she offered weakly, her voice pitching up. She was far too aware of the coconut smell of Missy’s hair and how warm Missy’s skin felt against her. Absently, she wondered if it was possible for a person to spontaneously combust. She’d have to ask Tim. He liked all that conspiracy theory crap. She was normally good at this talking to people thing. In fact, she’d say she was excellent at it. But right now, it was like someone had stuffed cotton balls in her mouth. 

“Can you introduce us?” Arizona nodded. “You’re the best, ‘Zona.” Missy leaned down and pressed a kiss to Arizona’s cheek before dragging her back towards Tim. 

Yep, Arizona was definitely going to explode. 

“Tim, this is my friend, Missy. She’s in a few of my classes. Missy, this is my older brother, Tim. He’s in his second year at West Point.” 

“Pleasure to meet you. Any friend of Arizona’s is a friend of mine.” Tim offered up a bright, dimpled smile and his hand. Missy detached herself from Arizona in favour of her brother. 

With a sigh, Arizona dropped onto the opposite side of the picnic table as Missy all but threw herself at Tim. She was not jealous of Tim. She was not jealous of Tim. That would be ridiculous and stupid. And 100% not what was happening. 

She glanced around, looking for a distraction from Missy’s giggling and Tim’s stupid smile. Seriously, the dimples were way overkill. (And Arizona definitely never used her dimples like that.)

“‘Zona,” Missy called across the table, breaking Arizona out of her murderous fantasies towards her brother. “Are you going to prom?” 

“I wasn’t planning on it, no. You?” 

“Of course, Colby’s taking me. But we’re not dating or anything,” she added, obviously for Tim’s benefit. “You know, I’m pretty sure Scott, you know on the swim team, the one with really good abs? I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re cute. And he just broke up with Rebecca last month. You two should go together. You can come to dinner with us and get ready at mine. It’ll be so much fun! Say yes!” 

“Um…” Arizona searched for any excuse not to go with Scott and his great abs, but nothing came to mind with Tim and Missy watching her. “Sure, I guess.” 

“Amazing! It’ll be so much fun.” Missy winked at her and for a second, Arizona forgot how to breathe. “Grace and Amanda and Jenny are all coming over to mine too. You play soccer with Jenny and Grace, right?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I thought so. I saw one of your games last week. You’re pretty good.” 

“I taught her everything she knows,” interjected Tim and seriously, Arizona was going to throttle him, the Army be damned. “Zo’s got some good moves.” 

“I bet you both do.” 

“Tim, did you see the time? We should probably head to the store. Dad wanted all the stuff for the barbeque tomorrow. Missy, if you don’t have any plans tomorrow, you should totally come over.” Arizona stood abruptly to her feet, motioning for Tim to join her. 

Missy grabbed Arizona’s hand and quickly jotted down her number. “Call me later tonight with all the details and I’ll get Scott sorted for you for prom. I’ll see you two tomorrow.” Missy darted forward and pressed a kiss to Tim’s cheek and then Arizona’s. Arizona stared after her, her mouth slightly hanging open. 

“You’ve got something on your cheek, Zozo.” Tim reached over to swipe at her cheek, but Arizona ducked away from him. 

“Leave me alone.” 

“She seems nice.” 

“She is. We sit next to each other in history.” And Arizona definitely didn’t have a massive crush on her. 

“Cool. And now you’re going to prom.” Tim threw an arm over her shoulder as he grabbed his shirt off the table. “Tell me about this Scott guy. Is he hot? Do you have a crush on him?” What was the likelihood of a sinkhole appearing beneath her? “I hear he has great abs. Maybe I should meet him. Make sure he’s not going to try anything funny.” Tim ruffled her hair. 

In a burst of speed, Arizona jumped on Tim’s back, dangling around his neck. “Shut up, Timothy.” 

“If you wanted a piggyback ride, you could’ve just asked. You weigh less than the packs I normally have to carry. Now, direct me towards the grocery store, Marine,” Tim demanded in a decent impression of their dad. “But seriously, I could totally go and intimidate your prom date. Between me and Dad, he’ll be shitting himself, great abs or not.” 

“Don’t be a dick, Timothy. I don’t want to talk about this.” 

Tim glanced over his shoulder, a surprisingly soft look on his face. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right, Zo?” She nodded, her brow pinched in confusion. “Okay, just checking. I’m always on your team. No matter what.” 

Arizona swallowed back her nerves and nodded again. “Yeah, I know, Tim. You’ve got to turn left here.” 

She pointed in the direction of the store. “Ooh, your soulmate says ‘nice’ about the number. You gonna tell ‘em it’s just some cute girl’s number?” 

“You think she’s cute?” 

“She’s totally cute.” 

Arizona just hummed in response. 

And if she pouts a bit at the barbeque the next day when Missy shows up with Scott, who really is a nice guy, just so beyond not her type, and kisses Tim behind the fence, well, no she didn’t. 

10 August 1992

Palm Beach, Florida

“Callie, stand up straight. Stop slouching. You’re going to ruin your sister’s wedding pictures.” 

Callie fought the urge to roll her eyes but did as her mother said. It was just easier not to fight with the mother of the bridezilla. 

“Why don’t we get a few of the happy couple in the rose garden and then we can go back to some more family photos?” The photographer suggested, motioning wildly towards the opposite corner of the botanical garden. 

She watched, a scowl pulling on her lips, as Aria and her soon-to-be husband hurried across the grass, her mother close behind them. 

“Don’t frown so much, Calliope. It is your sister’s wedding day after all.” 

“This dress is so uncomfortable,” she whined, trying in vain to readjust the taffeta dress her mother had handed her. “And it’s my birthday. Aria is having her wedding on my birthday. Out of spite.” 

Her father offered a weak smile. “It was the only available date. How about this, you’re free to have your wedding on her birthday? And, if you can make it through the ceremony and the party your mother’s planned, I can promise an excellent birthday present waiting for you at home.” He squeezed her shoulder in what was probably meant to be a reassuring manner. 

“Carlos, could you come here a minute?” Her mother waved across the garden, motioning for her husband to join her. 

“Duty calls. Just, please, try to smile, for me, mija.” 

“Of course, Daddy.” She put on a bright smile for her father before retreating into the small tent that had been set up with appetizers for the pictures. She slumped down into a chair, sighing with relief as her lungs were able to fully fill with air for the first time in an hour. “It’s not as if Aria’s even going to show up to my wedding, but whatever.” She sighed again, wishing she was anywhere but there. Seriously, what kind of asshole has their wedding on their little sister’s birthday? Aria, that’s who. 

She leaned over the table to investigate an abandoned notebook and pen. The notebook, as expected, was boring, just the contact details of the photographer. But the pen, that had possibility. 

As she watched Aria kiss her soon-to-be husband in various positions, a devilish thought came to her. 

Can you write something really rude on your hand like right now? 

Hello to you too why? 

My sister is having her wedding on my birthday and we’re taking pics 

That sucks but isn’t it mean to ruin her pictures 

You punch people 

I haven’t punched anyone in a long time 

Please 

Fine you owe me - you should probably wipe this off your arm 

Almost as soon as the words appeared, they disappeared with a messy wipe. Callie found a napkin and a cup of water and carefully wiped her half of the conversation away, mindful not to get water on her dress. 

Moments later, in blocky bubble letters appeared EAT MY SHORTS . Callie stifled a laugh, turning her hand so it wouldn’t be visible until the perfect moment. 

And there was a perfect moment, but Callie couldn’t bring herself to ruin Aria’s pictures after watching her laughing and whispering with her soulmate. Aria was a pretty crappy sister most of the time, but Callie was glad she had found her soulmate, even if the guy did wear too much hair gel most of the time. 

Midway through the ceremony, the words on the back of Callie’s hand had been scrubbed away, replaced by a small note. I hope that helped. My dad is pissed. I have to go run 5 miles and do like a million pushups. 

26 December 1992

Alexandria, Virginia

“Scale of 1 to 10, how mad are you at Dad?” 

“I’m not playing this game with you, Tim.” 

“What game?” 

“The ‘let’s talk about why Dad sucks today’ game.” 

“That sounds like a terrible game.” Tim poked at her cheek with a fry. “You’re allowed to be upset.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Arizona.” 

“What?” She turned sharply to glare at her older brother. “It doesn’t matter. We moved. It happens. It happens all the time. That’s all.” 

“It happened in the middle of your senior year of high school. It seemed like you really liked-” 

“Whatever. It was for the best.” 

“I don’t remember you being this angry.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Can you pass the nuggets?” 

“It’s just… things were good for me in Hawaii. I liked it there. I had friends. Like actual friends. I never get to have real, normal friends.” 

“Um, I’m offended on mine and Nick’s behalf.” 

“You’re my brother. You have to be my friend. I just… I hate making new friends and now I’m the weird kid with the weird name who moved a week before Christmas. Again. I’m so sick of it. And… and… please don’t hate me.” 

Tim shifted in his seat to face her, the street lamp casting odd shadows across his face. “Arizona, what… I could never hate you. You’re my sister. It’s you and me, always. You know that, right?” 

Arizona choked out a sob, burying her face in her hands. Tim grabbed her wrist, pulling it away from her face. The fading Christmas message from her soulmate still lingered on her wrist. 

“Arizona, you’re scaring me.” 

She shook her head violently, one of her braids whipping her across the cheek. She just had to say it. She had to tell someone before she drove herself crazy. It was just Tim. It was just Tim, her goofy, older brother who took her to McDonald’s when he thought she was sad and watched Disney movies with her even though he was a big, tough Army cadet. 

“I’m gay.” 

The words hung in the air for what felt like an eternity before Tim let out a long exhale. 

“I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant.” 

“What?” 

“So… you’re gonna marry a chick?” 

“Huh? I mean, yeah.” 

“Nice. I’m gonna dance so hard at your wedding. It’ll be totally embarrassing.” 

“What?” She repeated, still somehow braced for a negative reaction. 

“You’re gonna break Nick’s heart.” 

“Nick?” 

“You are still married to him after all. I doubt your future wife would appreciate that.” He nodded towards her hand with the stupidest grin on his face. “I bet she’s hot.” 

“You’re not mad?” 

“Why would I be mad?” Tim shoved a ridiculous amount of fries into his mouth. “It actually, you know, explains a lot.” 

“Explains a lot?” Arizona tore her gaze away from Tim, refusing to watch him chew. She stared out across the snowy parking lot, an odd tingling sensation still spreading across her body. 

“Yeah, sure. Oh my God, you were totally jealous of me last spring. Your friend, the hot one, Mary, Missy! You were jealous.” 

“I’m gonna punch you.” 

“Also, just sayin’, but that Cindy Crawford poster isn’t exactly subtle. Have you kissed a girl yet?” Tim crooned, sounding far more like a 13-year-old girl than a 20-year-old man. Arizona’s cheeks flamed red and she managed a nod. “Oh, that’s so exciting. Who was your first kiss? Was she cute? I bet she was.” 

“For the record, yes, she was very cute. And she lives in Germany.” 

“Bet all the girls fall for those dimples. Georgetown better watch out. They don’t know what’s coming for them.” 

“You’re an idiot.” 

“I’m proud of you, Arizona.” 

“So, does that mean I can move in with you when Dad throws me out?” 

The light atmosphere inside the car evaporated in an instant. “Dad… he wouldn’t do that. You’re his little girl. His little princess.” 

Arizona pinned Tim with what she hoped was a threatening stare. “Really, you think the Colonel’s just going to be fine with it? Last time I checked, you can’t be gay in the Marines or the Army for that matter. You think, our father, who breathes honour and patriotism, is just going to go, ‘yeah, good for you, Arizona. Go forth and sleep with as many girls as you want’. You must’ve been hit upside the head too many times.” She curled in on herself, tugging her borrowed waxed jacket tighter around her. “He’s going to hate me.” 

“He won’t, Arizona. He loves you. Mom wouldn’t let him.” 

“He will. You didn’t hear him bitch about Clinton all year and how damaging he is to the sanctity of the military. Tim, he’s going to hate me and throw me out and...and…” 

“Arizona, you need to breathe.” 

“I know. I know. I’m trying. But Tim, I’m so scared.” 

“I know, Zo.” Tim pulled her into an approximation of a hug with the console between them. “It’ll all work out. I’ve got your back, yeah.” 

“What am I gonna do?” 

“You’re going to go to Georgetown and be brilliant and then go to med school and be even more brilliant and become the best doctor in the world and meet that girl you write cute notes to on your hand and get married so I can dance at your wedding. I’m dead serious about that, Zo.” Arizona tamped down another sob as Tim squeezed her tighter. “Goonies never say die.” 

“Goonies never say die,” Arizona echoed their old favourite from their childhood, a common refrain before they sought out trouble and adventures. 

“What do you say we head back? You know Dad’ll pout if we miss the annual Robbins’ screening of The Longest Day .” 

Arizona let out a groan but nodded. “Yay, can’t wait for three hours of my life I’m never getting back.” 

“It’s all about the history, all about the history.” 

“Dude, I can like recite it from memory.” 

“If you do the whole thing while Dad’s watching it, I’ll give you twenty bucks.” 

“You’re on.”

29 April 1993 

Miami, Florida 

A set of 6 letters lay across her mother’s admittedly impressive dining room table. Callie just stared at them, as if one would hop up and say, “Choose me!” But unfortunately, they just sat there, looking all plain and undistinguished. 

“Calliope, you need to make a choice.” 

“I know, Daddy. It’s just… I don’t know where to go.” 

“You could just stay in Miami, mija,” her mother suggested, pushing the relevant letter towards her. “The weather’s so much nicer here than any of these places.” 

“Miami is my backup.” Callie pushed the letter back. “I really like Boston University, but I also really love New York.” 

“What about Georgetown?” Her father asked. 

Callie shook her head. “I don’t want to take the risk of a waitlist. What if I don’t get off of it? Then I’ll be stuck for an entire year.” 

“There’s always UCLA. You could be closer to your sister.” 

Callie’s nose wrinkled at her mother’s suggestion. “Aria and I do better only seeing each other at Christmas.” 

“Callio-” 

“I’m right and you know it, Mami.” Her mother sighed in resignation. “I don’t think I’d like Columbia very much. I think between NYU and Columbia, I’d choose NYU.” 

Her father clapped his hands together before beginning, “Very good, so it’s between Boston University and NYU. Those are both very strong choices. NYU’s business program, in particular, is very strong.” 

Callie drummed her fingers on the table, unwilling to tell her father that she had almost no interest in going into business like him and Aria. She found it unbearably dull and always had. But she had no idea what else she wanted to do really, so it was better to keep her mouth shut.

“I worry about you being in New York, though. Carlos, do you really think it safe?” 

“Mami, it’s no less safe than here.”

“Here, you live with us in a safe neighbourhood and use our driver.” And sometimes it felt like a prison, the trappings and the service people always around. “I just worry. Aria’s so far away and you’d be so far as well.” 

Callie pulled her mother into a hug. “New York or Boston isn’t so far. Plus, they both have great shopping, right?” Her mother nodded, even as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. After a long few moments of holding her daughter, Callie’s mother pulled away, gently patting her cheek. 

“You’ll make the right decision. You always do, my Calliope.” 

“Thank you, Mami.” 

Callie settled back in her chair, returning to her staring at the envelopes. It would be majorly helpful if one of them would distinguish themselves from the rest. Idly, she grabbed the envelopes for Boston University and NYU. As she reached for NYU, she noticed a new mark on her hand. 

Her parents were in the midst of a heated discussion of her safety, so didn’t even register her distraction. 

In her soulmate’s familiar, neat handwriting, it read 39th and 2nd, first building on the left w/ doorman . And Callie’s heart skipped a beat. She had been to New York enough times to recognize that as a potential New York address. It certainly wasn’t one in Boston. It was a sign. What were the odds that as Callie debated over whether to go to school in New York, her soulmate would write down a New York address. It was a sign. It had to be the universe aligning perfectly for her. 

That’s what soulmates were all about, right? The universe helping you find your match and the way to optimize your happiness. 

“New York. I choose New York.”

“Pardon?” 

“I choose New York. I’m going to NYU!” 

Her mother pressed a kiss to her cheek. “That’s wonderful, mija. I can’t wait to visit you and take you shopping.” 

As her father delved into the financial logistics of confirming with NYU, Callie found herself seriously distracted by the concept that in a few short months, she could very well be in the same city as her soulmate. Honestly, how hard could it be in a city of 7 million people? 

19 August 1993

Washington, D.C. 

“Sweetie, I think that’s everything. Your clothes are put away, I’ve made your bed. Dad managed to not break anything in his misguided efforts to help.” Her mom squeezed her shoulder and Arizona plastered on a smile, but she couldn’t push aside the swirl of dread and worry in her chest. 

This was supposed to be fun and exciting and a new adventure. And she was awesome at making friends. Not so awesome at hanging onto them, but that really wasn’t her fault since she never stayed in one place too long. She knew how to make friends, but not how to keep them and the prospect of not having a natural end point sort of terrified her. The only constant friendships she ever had were Tim and Nick. And somehow she doubted the girls on her floor were interested in the same things Tim and Nick constantly wanted to do, regardless of her opinion on the matter.

Arizona bobbed her head, and said, “Yeah, Mom, it looks great.” Without so much of a second thought, she pulled her mom into a hug. She didn’t know what she was going to do with her mom so far away. She was more than used to her dad leaving but she had never really been apart from her mom. 

Her mom pulled back and cupped her cheeks. “You’re going to be great, Arizona. You’re so brave and clever and you’re going to do amazing things. And we’re only a short drive away.” Arizona nodded, not entirely trusting her voice. Did Tim feel like this when they dropped him off at West Point? “Maggie seems like a sweet girl, and I’m sure you’ll like your classes and make lots of friends. I know you can do this, Arizona.” 

“Yeah?” 

Her mom brushed her fingers across her cheek. “Of course, you are my daughter after all.” Arizona leaned back a bit to wipe away the stray tears, but her mom caught her wrist, bringing her hand up to press a kiss to her palm. “There you go, now whenever you feel homesick, just press your hand to your cheek and you’ll know just how much I love you.” 

“Mom,” Arizona whined, “I’m too old for kissing hand.” 

“You’re never too old to be my baby,” her mom said before pulling Arizona back into a tight hug. It really had been the two of them for so many years, especially once Tim went off to university. “I love you always, my Arizona.” 

“Love you too, Mom,” Arizona mumbled into her shoulder, any pretense of being embarrassed by the mushiness long gone. Maybe she wasn’t ready for college. Maybe she should’ve taken a gap year, or chosen a school even closer to home. She wasn’t ready for this, this was all a mistake. 

“I can hear you thinking from the doorway, squirt,” her dad said as he set a box down on her desk. “I got you something, if you’re not too cool for your dad that is.” Arizona really wasn’t sure if she could have ever been described as cool, really. 

“Are those new skates?” 

Her dad bumped his shoulder against hers, a grin on his face that almost seemed out of character for him. “New adventure, new skates. Now, you don’t have to use them right away-” 

Arizona all but launched herself at her dad, wrapping her arms around his torso. They weren’t normally affectionate like this, but Arizona felt they could make an exception for this moment. Normally, she only got hugs from her dad when he was leaving or coming home from deployment, but now she was the one leaving. Was this how he felt every time? A bit lost and confused? She doubted it. He was the Colonel. 

Her dad hugged her back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m very proud of you, Arizona.” 

Arizona’s breath caught in her chest. She didn’t think her dad had ever told her he was proud of her, like genuinely, really proud of her. 

24 October 1993

New York, NY

“So, tell me, Calliope, have you met anyone?” 

“Of course, Mom, I’ve met lots of people. I meet new people every day. It’s a big city. I have lots of classes.” 

“You know that’s not what I meant. You’re being obstinate. You didn’t date in high school very much. If you don’t date in college, by the time you’re finished, you’ll be considered ineligible.” 

“What? Ineligible? Mom, c’mon, this isn’t 1790. People date, it’s casual. No one’s getting married.” 

“It’ll seem unusual if you’ve never had a serious relationship. That’s all I’m saying, no need to raise your voice at me.” 

“Uh, sorry. Oh, I’ve got to run. Some people are going down for dinner.” 

“Calliope!” 

“Love you!” 

23 November 1993

Washington, D.C.

“Ah, Jesus, Zo, put a freakin’ shirt on!” A loud pounding shocked Arizona back to reality. “Lock your door or something.” 

Arizona’s head turned so quickly she practically gave herself whiplash. The girl beneath her yelped in surprise, scrambling for her shirt. 

“Seriously, Arizona?”

“Knock much, Timothy?”  

“I did,” Tim deadpanned, still holding a hand over his eyes. 

Arizona adjusted the collar of her shirt in a poor attempt to conceal the hickey she just knew was on the side of her neck. 

“I’m just gonna go. I’ll see you later, Arizona.” Nina pressed a kiss to the corner of Arizona’s mouth before running out of her dorm room. 

“Can I look now?” Tim teased, “You decent?” 

Arizona stormed past him, smacking him in the gut. “You’re a jerk.” 

“What was her name? She seemed nice.” Arizona elbowed him again, delighting in the grunt she managed to draw from her brother. “Where’s your roommate?” 

“She went home for Thanksgiving already. We were studying.” 

“Wow, they must have some really advanced studying techniques here. What was that… studying by osmosis?” Tim threw himself into Maggie’s desk chair, casting a critical eye around the dorm room. “We don’t have that up at West Point.” 

“You’re being rude. I hope you know that.” Arizona dug through her closet for a sweater. “I’m almost packed.” 

“You’re not even packed yet? You were sucking on some girls face and you aren’t even packed. What are you doing, Arizona?” 

“Nothing.”

“No, you’re acting out. It used to be you’d just punch the mean boys on the playground. Then it was the cigarettes and that time you dyed your hair pink for a whole week. And now, what? You make out with girls. Are you two dating? Is she your girlfriend?” 

“What, you’re telling me you’ve never hooked up with a girl. Because my bedroom was next to yours all through high school, Timothy.” 

“You’re not that intimidating, calling me Timothy.” Tim pushed off the corner of the desk, spinning around, his eyes never leaving Arizona’s. “I worry.” 

Arizona pinned him with the most unimpressed glare she could muster. “You worry,” she mocked, rolling her eyes. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“You should have better things to worry about then.”

“You’re my sister.” 

“Wow, what a profound statement.” She turned her back to her brother, hurriedly gathering her books for the long weekend. 

Tim grabbed her elbow, forcing her to turn and face him. “Arizona Robbins, you listen to me. I worry about you because you are the best person I know and I don’t want you to throw yourself away on random girls. Take them out for dinner. Go to the movies. I don’t know. Just… value yourself a bit more, yeah?” 

“Shut up, Tim.” 

“Wow, clever.” Even as she twisted against his grip, Tim refused to let her move away. “Why are you doing this? Why are you acting like this?” 

Arizona let out an uncharacteristically cold laugh, tipping her head back. “Why does it matter? It’s not like I can bring a girl home. The random sorority girls and study buddies are just experimenting. And that’s fine. It’s… it’s whatever.” 

“That is not whatever, Arizona. You’re telling me, that at this huge school, there aren’t any girls who, ya know, are like you?” 

“I don’t know. You can’t exactly go around asking people in the middle of class, ‘are you gay?’. It’s generally frowned upon.” 

“Join a club. Play intramural soccer or something. Go to a Melissa Etheridge concert or something.” Tim pulled her into a hug. “I’m worried about you.” 

“Melissa Etheridge?” 

“I’m hip and cool and up to date with lesbian culture,” Tim said with a chuckle. “My point still stands. Stop hooking up with straight girls. It makes you all frowny. It’s weird. You should always be smiley.”

“You sound like a serial killer.” 

“I’m being… motivational, inspiring. I want you to meet a nice girl and take her on a date and then you can take off her shirt.” 

“Please never talk to me again about taking a girl’s shirt off,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “It’s beyond weird.” 

A soft knock at the door broke the siblings apart. Leaving Tim to zip her bag, Arizona went to the door. “Oh, hey, Jane, is everything okay?” 

“Hi Arizona, I was just checking to see if you were still here. I know Maggie left yesterday. Joanne and I are running to the store to pick up some stuff for Thanksgiving dinner. Just checking how many of us are still around.” 

Arizona stepped aside to let Jane into the room. She pointedly ignored the way Jane’s eyes lingered on her brother. “Oh, thanks for asking, but I’m actually headed to my parents’ place. They’re just down in Virginia. Tim, this is my RA, Jane. Jane, my older brother, Tim.” 

“Pleasure to meet you,” Tim said, offering a hand out. 

“Same.” Jane blushed and Tim grinned, his dimples popping out. “Are you in university as well?” 

“Cadet up at West Point. I’ll be graduating in the spring.” 

“Jane’s the same year as you,” Arizona cut in, a devious glint in her eye as she took in the smitten expression on her brother’s face. 

“Is that so?” 

“Janey, you almost read- oh, hey Arizona.” 

“Joanne, hi,” Arizona stammered, shoving her hands in her pockets for fear of them doing something stupid. “How’s it going?” 

“It’s good. Who’s that?” She whispered, leaning close enough for Arizona to smell her perfume. 

Arizona was not going to be jealous. She was used to this. Girls always liked Tim. It was fine. “Oh, my brother, Tim.” 

“He’s cute.” Arizona managed a weak smile and nod. “Not as cute as you though.” Arizona’s cheeks burned red as she twisted to look at Joanne. “Janey, are we going to the store or not?” 

“Are you both not able to go home for the holiday?” Tim asked, still holding Jane’s hand. Arizona’s eyebrow shot up.

“My parents are missionaries. Right now, I think they’re somewhere in Africa. Not entirely sure where,” Joanne said with a shrug. 

“And my mom is with her new boyfriend down in Miami. I didn’t really feel like flying down,” added Jane, who apparently noticed she was still holding Tim’s hand and promptly dropped it. “It’s fine though, Jo and I are masters at Thanksgiving by now.” 

“You should come to ours. It’s only like a 45-minute drive from here. We’ve got room and Mom always cooks for a battalion.” Tim glanced between the three girls before him. “Right, Arizona?” 

“Hm? Yeah, we’d love to have you,” Arizona said, rather proud that she didn’t immediately stumble over her words. 

“Are you guys sure? I’d hate to impose.” Jane tucked a loose curl behind her ear, a flash of distinct handwriting half-hidden beneath a braided bracelet. Arizona swallowed back a gasp, her eyes darting down to Tim’s wrist, where sure enough he had written down her dorm address. 

“No, no,” Arizona said quickly, “You guys should join us. My mom would love it. Her pumpkin pie is to die for.” 

Could it be that Tim’s soulmate had been living down the hall from her for months? What were the odds…. 

Joanne and Jane exchanged looks before both nodded. “We’d love to,” Jane said, smiling up at Tim. Okay, they already looked cute together. This was perfect. Maybe the universe worked after all. 

And Arizona could suffer through the awkwardness of Thanksgiving with the girl she had had a crush on for months. It would be fine. It would be totally fine. 

As Jane and Joanne went to grab their stuff, Tim threw an arm over Arizona’s shoulder. “Dude, you were saying about not knowing any girls who played for your team? ‘Cause I’m like 95% certain Joanne’s into you.” 

“Shut up,” she mumbled, trying to squirm away from her brother unsuccessfully. “How would you know? You’re like straighter than straight.” 

“Gaydar.” 

“Where’d you get that? Radio Shack?”

“Yep. Exactly.” Tim passed her bag to her. “Let’s get this show on the road. Mom promised me lasagna. And she made Grandmère’s apple tart. You know, with the almonds?” 

“You just think with your stomach all the time, don’t you? Also, ix-nay on the Joanne talk. She’s not into me. Just, just please don’t talk about it at home, please, Timmy.” 

Tim’s brow creased. He pulled her to a stop halfway out of her dorm room. “Arizona, I promise it’s your call. I won’t say a word to Mom or Dad until you’re ready. But I’m your guy whenever you wanna talk about this stuff. You know that, right?” 

Blinking back unexpected tears, Arizona nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ll be sure to mention to Jane what a stand-up, awesome guy you are.” Tim flushed pink all the way to his ears. “You were being all dimply and flirty. I saw what I saw.” 

“Zoie, don’t do anything stupid.” 

“Like what? Telling her you think she’s really pretty? Would that be embarrassing to you?” Arizona sang, pinching Tim’s arm. “Oh hey, Jane. You guys ready to go?” The four of them walked out to Tim’s beat-up truck that he had spent all of last summer break fixing and Arizona found herself deeply fascinated by Jane’s bracelet. All the while, Joanne watched Arizona watch Jane while Tim was enraptured by Jane. “Jane, you take the front seat. I don’t mind the back seat. Plus, you’re a bit taller than me.” 

“Oh, then Jo should take it. She’s taller than me.” 

Joanne waved her down. “Nah, I prefer the backseat. You two can continue what I’m sure is a thrilling discussion of constitutional law. I’m sure Arizona and I will have lots to talk about.” 

Tim shot a ridiculous wink Arizona’s way that would’ve earned him a punch if they were alone. “Awesome. I’m sure you have better music taste than Arizona. It’s all punk music and Melissa Etheridge with her.” 

As she loaded the luggage into the trunk, she drew a finger over her throat at her brother. He was seriously asking for it. 

“That doesn’t sound too bad to me,” Joanne commented, sliding into the seat next to Arizona. “Why are you so interested in Jane’s wrist?” she whispered, mindful to keep her voice low. 

“No reason!” Arizona squeaked out, far too aware of the heat of Joanne’s hand on her leg. Joanne lifted a single eyebrow at her. “Look at my brother’s wrist,” she whispered, nodding towards his hand on the steering wheel. 

“Holy crap,” Joanne let out a low whistle. “Would you look at that?” 

“What’re you two whispering about?” Tim called back. 

“Nothing! Jane, Tim keeps his CDs in the glove box. The best one is labelled Timmy’s Jams. It’s super awesome.” She flashed a bright smile at Jane even as Tim mouthed that he was going to kill her later. 

Arizona spent the 45 minutes watching Tim and Jane interact, the way Tim’s smile was somehow wider than she had ever seen it and how Jane blushed and how their hands kept brushing against each other’s in the centre console. It was nothing short of magical to watch them. 

In all of her observation of Tim and Jane, she somehow missed the way Joanne was observing her equally as seriously. 

“ Bienvenue chez moi [Welcome to my home] , ” Tim said as he offered a hand out for Jane to help her out of the car. 

“Wow, he’s a gentleman and he speaks French,” muttered Joanne, passing Arizona her bag. “What a catch.” 

“It’s not that impressive . ” Arizona winked at Joanne, drawing on Tim’s example. Arizona was awesome at flirting. At least with the random straight girls who just wanted to experiment. Someone like Joanne, who she actually liked, that was a whole ‘nother thing. 

The stunned expression on Joanne’s face was enough to keep a smile on her face all through her mother’s fussing over them as they walked into the house and even her father’s gruff appraisement of her and Tim. As Tim led the two girls up to the spare bedroom, her mother pulled Arizona into the kitchen, claiming she needed a hand with dinner. Which, of course, was code for there was something she wanted to talk to Arizona about without her father. 

“So….” 

“What?” Arizona dropped into her usual spot at the kitchen table, grabbing an apple from the bowl. “Are you okay? You have a funny look on your face.” 

“Jane and Joanne are lovely. You said they live down the hall from you?” 

“Mhm, they’re both seniors. Jane’s pre-law and Joanne’s in econ or something. She’s the TA for my econ class this semester.” 

“Your brother’s smitten with Jane already.” 

Arizona leaned across the table. “I think their marks match. Tim had my address written down on his wrist and I’m almost positive that I saw it on Jane’s.” 

Her mother gasped, taking the seat opposite Arizona. “Are you sure?” Arizona nodded quickly. “Oh, that’s wonderful. Do they know?” 

“Don’t think so. But as soon as Jane reads it, it’s my dorm room, so I think she’ll figure it out. Tim’s smart. Or well, Jane’s pretty smart so she’ll figure it out.” 

Her mother gently slapped her arm. “Be nice to your brother.” Her mother stroked Arizona’s hand, a thoughtful look in her eye. “Joanne seems nice too.” 

“Um, yeah, I guess.” Arizona pulled her hand back, folding them in her lap. Suddenly very interested in the state of her cuticles, she stared at her lap. 

“Pretty too.” Arizona chewed on the inside of her cheek, her stomach slowly knotting in on itself. “Arizona.” Arizona shook her head, her hair falling across her face. “Arizona. Bug, look at me.” 

Only years of following orders allowed Arizona to lift her gaze and meet her mother’s warm hazel eyes. Her mother smiled kindly at her and Arizona thought she was going to throw up. “Mama, I…” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” A sob tore its way from Arizona’s chest and her mother shifted to the chair next to Arizona, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Arizona pressed her face into the crook of her mother’s neck as tears poured down her face. “I’ve got you, bug.” 

“I didn’t know how to tell you.” 

“Shh… it’s okay,” her mother cooed, brushing her fingers through Arizona’s hair. “I love you, Arizona.” 

“You do?” 

“Arizona, look at me.” Arizona lifted her head, hiccupping. “Arizona, I love you, honey. But I’ve known for a good few years now. I was just waiting for you to be ready.” 

“You knew?” 

“I’m your mother.” 

“Does… does Dad know?” 

“Your father… he doesn’t notice much, he doesn’t always know what goes on in this house. You can tell him when you’re ready.” Her mother tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s okay, Arizona. It’s okay.” 

“I’m gay, Mama,” Arizona admitted in a whisper. “And you’ve known for a while.” Her mother nodded. Arizona broke into a fit of giggles. “I thought you’d be mad.” 

“I still expect grandbabies, young lady.” 

“Oh my God, Mom.” 

“What? You can adopt or something.” 

“Can we not talk about this?” 

“I’m proud of you, Arizona.” Her mother pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Really, I am. I know that you haven’t had the easiest time with all the moving and new places. But you have turned into a wonderful, beautiful young woman with a good heart and just so smart. I know you’ll be a wonderful doctor someday and you’ll meet your soulmate, wherever she is, and be miraculous together.” 

“Thank you, Mama,” sighed Arizona, scrubbing away the residual tears. “I love you.”

“You don’t need to talk to your dad today or tomorrow, but don’t underestimate him. He’s a good man, just like you and your brother. And if he acts like a fool, well, I’ve been married to a Marine for a long time…” That sent Arizona into another peal of giggles with the deadly serious expression on her mother’s face. 

“What’s so funny, Zo?” 

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Timothy,” her mother shot back, still rubbing soothing circles on Arizona’s back. 

“Is this weird girl stuff? Because if so, I don’t want to be involved.” When neither of them responded, Tim threw his hands up. “I’m gonna go talk to Dad. He’s not being weird. You two are being weird. The two upstairs are being weird. I give up. I’m outnumbered,” he grumbled, turning on his heel and leaving the kitchen. 

“Why don’t you go and check on your friends, bug?” Her mother patted her cheek. “Dinner’ll be ready in about half an hour.” 

Arizona shouldered her bag and headed towards her room, only to be pulled into the spare room by Joanne. “Whoa, where’s the fire?”  

“Little Robbins, what’s your room number?” 

Groaning at the old nickname, she rolled her eyes. “Don’t call me that and why?” 

“Your brother’s tall. You’re short. He’s big Robbins, you’re little Robbins,” Joanne explained, pulling Arizona down onto the bed while Jane paced in front of them. 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re not creative. Why do you need to know my room number? And don’t you guys already know it?” 

“I need to know because of this.” Jane shoved her wrist into Arizona’s face, a near manic look in her eyes. “Because I doubt you give out your address to strangers on the street and I’m almost positive that this is your room number.” 

Arizona read her brother’s handwriting, the familiar way he wrote his ‘a’s’ apparent. “My room’s A23.” Joanne whooped loudly next to Arizona. Jane merely squeaked. “And that is Tim’s handwriting. You should go talk to him.” 

“Oh my God. Oh my freakin’ God.” Jane tugged a hand through her hair. “Oh my God.” 

“She’s normally more articulate than this,” Joanne whispered loudly.

“You, just, just shut up.” 

“Tim’s downstairs. Maybe go and talk to him?” Arizona suggested, trying to smile reassuringly up at her brother’s soulmate. “I promise he’s a pretty good guy.” 

Jane nodded, a fierce determination crossing her features. “You’re right. Yeah, okay. You’re right. I’ll just go and tell him, what, hey I think we’re soulmates? That’s so stupid.” 

“Um, yeah, I guess so?” Arizona shrugged. The older girl twisted away to resume her pacing. “Seriously, Tim’s a good guy, even if he is my brother and gross. But just go ask to talk to him outside or something.” 

“Janey, take a breath. Little Robbins- ow!, Little Robbins- stop elbowing me! Little Robbins is right.” 

“Breathing. Yeah, that’s a thing. Right.” 

“I could go get Tim for you if you want.” Arizona started to stand up, only to be pulled back down by Joanne. “Or not. Okay. Well, dinner’s going to be ready soon and I think my parents will notice you being weird. I’d just go tell him. If he’s a jerk, I can totally kick his ass for you.” 

“I like you, Little Robbins. You’re feisty.” 

“Oh, would you drop the Little Robbins thing?” 

“It’s cute.” 

“It is not. It makes me sound like a bird or something.” 

“Your name is Robbins. Which is a kind of bird.” 

“It’s spelt differently.” 

“You’re pouting.” 

“Am not.” 

“You totally are. It’s pretty cute.” 

“Hey- wait, where’s Jane?” Arizona turned away from Joanne and her very pretty eyes. “Oh my God, she’s going to talk to Tim!” 

“Oh, look, they’re talking outside,” Joanne said, pulling Arizona over to the window that looked out across the backyard. “She’s showing him her arm. They’re talking.” 

“I have eyes, you know.” 

“And they’re very pretty.” 

“What… whatever. Oh my God, they’re going to kiss,” squealed Arizona, clutching onto Joanne’s arm. “I can’t believe they found each other. And ew, gross, I really don’t want to watch my brother kiss anyone.” Arizona leapt back from the window, wrinkling her nose in disgust. 

“Oh, they’re like fully making out now.” 

“I’m begging you to stop talking.” 

“Big Robbins can get it.” 

“Joanne!” 

Joanne joined Arizona on the edge of the bed. “Aw, don’t worry, you’re far cuter than your brother.” 

Arizona tipped her head to the side. “Thanks, I think?” 

Joanne brushed her fingers along Arizona’s jaw, gently cradling her face. Arizona blinked a few times, her heart pounding in her chest. “Mhm, very cute. Hot even. With the eyes and the dimples and everything, very hot,” Joanne whispered against Arizona’s lips. Arizona inhaled sharply before moving forward to properly kiss Joanne, bringing one hand up to tangle in Joanne’s dark hair. 

One of them, Arizona admittedly wasn’t sure which, moaned into the kiss. 

“Arizona! Dinner!” 

Joanne pulled away sharply and Arizona nearly fell on top of her. Joanne righted her as Arizona called, “Coming, Mom!” 

Joanne pressed a quick kiss to Arizona’s lips before standing to her feet and sauntering out of the room. 

Arizona fell back on her back, brushing her fingers over her lips. 

Tim found his soulmate and a really pretty girl kissed her. Not a bad day, all in all. 

2 January 1995

New York, New York 

Callie was going to absolutely murder some overly cheerful woman named Joy in, oh, about 3 minutes. Somehow every part of her body ached. Actually, maybe she’d just murder her roommate, Emily, for dragging her to this hellish place. Emily claimed that this helped her think and relax. 

Well, Callie was neither relaxed nor able to think beyond the ache in her hamstrings and shoulders. Yoga was for chumps. There, she said it. She’d much rather do pretty much anything at this point. Even jogging and jogging was a Goddamned nightmare. 

She was not built for this. Biologically and evolutionarily speaking, this was not something she was prepared for. As a potential anthropology major, she felt mildly qualified to speak on this. 

God, she was still so hungover. Was she dying? No, she refused to die in some poorly lit yoga studio that smelled like someone was definitely smoking a joint in the other room. She had more dignity than that. As Joy passed by with some “positive energy”, Callie briefly reconsidered that thought. None of this felt very dignified. 

“And if you’d join me in savasana to end our practice.” 

Callie swallowed a groan as she moved to lay on her back. In the process, she managed to shoot a glare at Emily, who smiled serenely back. 

She partially tuned into Joy for a moment before remembering how grating she found her voice to be. 

Callie was practically the first person on her feet, eager to leave the oppressive warmth of the yoga studio. It felt like tequila was coming out of her pores. Somehow the cold of a New York winter seemed preferable in her hungover state. 

Yoga was the fucking worst. 

“D’you mind hanging out for a minute and then we can head home? I just wanna talk to Jason,” Emily asked as the pair of them rolled up their yoga mats. 

“Uh, yeah, fine. Go flirt with yoga boy. I’ll be outside. I feel like I’m gonna puke.” 

Emily just waved her on, her focus already on the guy she had been trying to chat to for the past semester. Despite Emily’s claims that yoga was good for thinking, Callie knew she was in it for the cute guys. And she couldn’t blame her. But Callie was distinctly not in the mood for flirting in her current state. 

Pulling her puffer on over her sweaty clothes, she stepped out of the yoga studio before some random yoga goer could draw her into conversation. 

The sharp air was a balm on her rising nausea. She exhaled a shaky breath, pressing her shoulders back into the brick wall. 

“Must you smoke?” 

“We’re outside! It’s fine.” 

“That doesn’t mean you need to smoke. I’m sure Uncle Dan would be thrilled to hear about his little girl smoking.” 

“Pfft, he’s a total pushover.” 

“Fine, Aunt Babs.” 

Callie glanced over to the two women sat outside the coffee shop next door. The blonde one’s back was to her, but she was clearly the one smoking, a lit cigarette dangling from her fingers off to the side. The other woman faced Callie, more of a strawberry blonde than the other woman. 

Whoever their aunt was, she was apparently scary enough for the blonde to put out her cigarette. 

“Look, I know the past few months have been rough.” 

The blonde tossed her head back, her hair falling over her shoulder. Callie redirected her gaze across the street to a bus stop. It was all well and good to eavesdrop, but better not to be caught staring at random people. Callie learned that quickly her first week at NYU. 

“Yeah, they’ve been rough.” 

“I never liked Joanne.” 

“You never said anything. You coulda said something, Cath.” 

“You seemed happy. I didn’t want to ruin that for you.” 

One of the women sighed heavily enough that Callie could hear it. 

“Well, it’s ruined.” 

Why was Callie so strangely invested in this woman’s presumed love life? 

Maybe it was that Callie’s was so desperately boring at the moment. 

“Sweetie, I’m sorry. But it’s been what, a month now?” 

“Something like that.” 

“I promise you, it’ll get better. You’ve got to kiss a few frogs to find your prince, er, princess.” One of the women laughed and Callie strangely thought it was sort of beautiful. 

“Thanks, Cath. And thanks for letting me come for New Years’. Jane feels horrible about the whole Joanne thing and Tim’s being, well, Tim about it. But I really needed a change of pace.” 

“‘course. You’re always welcome here. And I’ll have Tom take you over to Columbia with him so you can take a look at the medical school. It’s not too early to start looking.” 

“You just want a free babysitter for Danny, so you two can go out.” 

“Ready to go, Cal?” 

Callie jerked out of her eavesdropping trance. “Yep. Did you get Jason’s number? Because I’m not coming back here.” 

Emily nodded, showing off a brochure for the yoga studio with a number scrawled in sharpie. “C’mon, I’ll buy you a hot coco for your moral support.” Emily looped an arm through Callie’s, their puffers rubbing against each other. “God, it’s freezing out here. Aren’t you cold just standing here?” 

Callie laughed as Emily tugged her down the street towards the subway entrance. “I was so overheated. And I was totally eavesdropping on people at the cafe next door. Some girl apparently just got dumped by her girlfriend or something.” 

“Ooh, lesbian drama. Very fun. D’you think dating a girl would be easier than a guy? You’d get twice the clothes and shoes.” 

“You already steal my clothes all the time.” 

“I’d just like to point out that you are literally wearing my jacket right now, Cal,” shot back Emily as they stopped halfway down the train platform. 

“I’m from Florida. It doesn’t snow there.” 

“You’ve been here for years!” laughed Emily. “So, any progress on your major during yoga?” 

Callie sighed, rocking back on her heels. “All I could think of during yoga was ‘ow’, ‘that shouldn’t be there’ and ‘please make it stop’.” 

“You just have to get into it. It gets better.” 

“I’ll take your word for it. But no. I still don’t have any idea about my major. I don’t even know what I want to do after I graduate.” 

“Can’t you go work for your dad?” 

Callie paused for a moment so they could catch their train. “Yes,” she finally replied, “but I really don’t want to unless it’s my only option. I don’t want to rely on my dad for my entire life. He’s amazing and I love him. But I want to live my own life, you know.”

Emily held up her hands across the aisle from Callie. “Hey, I’m not the one with a trust fund.” 

“That trust fund pays our rent.” 

“And I’m forever grateful for that and I love Papa Torres very much.” Emily hesitated before continuing, “But you’re your own person, Cal. You don’t need to define yourself on other people. I mean, you could pretty much do anything. You’re smart, you’ve got cash. You could go to law school with me. Or go get an MBA or go dick around Europe for a few years and flirt with hot, hot European guys. I dunno. I think you’re working yourself up for no reason.” 

Callie picked idly at her thumbnail, staring at an odd stain near her feet. “Yeah,” she sighed, “you’re probably right. I just… it’s frustrating.” 

“You’ll figure it out. You could always apply to business school or law school like your dad wants and then take a year off to figure things out. I’m sure you could just defer or whatever. Join the Peace Corps or Greenpeace or something. You’ve got options, kid.” 

“Kid? I’m like five months older than you.” 

“And yet, I’m very wise and have my next five years planned out.” 

“Touche.” Callie leant back in her seat, squeezing her eyes shut. “I am so hungover. Never make me do yoga again.” 

“How about non-hungover yoga?” 

“You are seriously pushing your luck, Em.” 

9 April 1995

Washington, D.C. 

“Mornin’, Lieutenant Robbins.” 

“Morning, Arizona. Are you by yourself?” 

“Yes?” 

“ Good, good, I just wanted to make sure that Jane wasn’t there. ” 

“Okay? I mean, your girlfriend isn’t usually in my apartment at 7 in the morning. Did you take a nasty hit to the head down there in Georgia? You can get all loopy with a concussion.” 

“Haha. You’re hilarious as always. No, no, I need your help. ” 

“Are you out of money? Because I’m equally broke.” 

“IwanttoproposetoJaneatThanksgiving.”

“Come again?” 

“I’m going to propose to Jane at Thanksgiving.” 

“Thanksgiving? I think you need something with more romance. I know you met at Thanksgiving. But when are you going to do it? After the turkey and before the pies? Well, I suppose if Mom and I decorated the back yard for you… we could put up some lights and make it cute… you did have your first kiss there…. Okay, I’m convinced. I’m team Thanksgiving proposal. Do you have a ring yet?” 

“No, not yet. Nick’s coming with- wait, you were watching us? You’re such a creep.” 

“No, I’m the one who found your soulmate for you, so you’re welcome. And would you look at the time, I’ve gotta run. Love you lots!” 

“Arizona-” 

10 September 1995

New York, New York

“Yo, Cal, you’ve got something on your arm.” 

“Huh?” Callie asked, flopping onto her back as those last few tequila shots hit her, her jacket discarded somewhere on the floor. “Emily, why’s the world spinning?” 

“‘Cause you’re a drunky drunk,” Emily called back, equally vulnerable to the spinning of the world. “Did you get some guy’s number and not tell me? That’s rude. Lemme see.” With all the typical grace of a drunk 20-something, Emily stumbled across the small room to Callie’s bed. “ If lost, call 202-555-1370. ” 

Callie lifted her head slightly to stare at the huge blocky letters on her right arm. “Weird. He’s right-handed.” 

“We should call the number! We can totally find your soulmate tonight! Or is it this morning? I dunno, Cal, but this is huge! All mine ever does is write his very vague grocery list and tell the occasional knock-knock joke. Here I’ll dial.” 

“Wait, Em, I dunno if we shoul-” But it was too late, Emily had already dialled the number and shoved the phone at Callie. “It’s ringing.” 

“I know,” Emily whispered back, pressing her face against the other side of the phone. “This is so exciting.” 

“ Hello? Hello? - hey, cut that out, Toni, ” A distinctly female giggle came over the line. “ Uh, are you lost? Seriously, Ton, ” the giggling was replaced with what might have been a moan and Callie sort of wanted to throw the phone out the window. “ Hello? Did you find a lost freshman or something? Toni, I swear to Go- ” Callie abruptly ended the call before she could hear anymore. 

“So… uh, that was… huh,” Emily said, collapsing back against the wall. “She sounded hot. That’s a good sign. Ya know, that he can pull a hot girl. He must be hot or something.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

But Emily’s placations did little to settle the odd swirl of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t even know who he was. She had hooked up with and dated guys before so he was well in his right to do so with some random giggling girl, who was probably a total idiot. 

“Oh God, do you think he has a serious girlfriend? Or just sleeps with a lot of girls?” 

Emily curled a bit into Callie’s side. “Hm, he’ll probably be good in bed then. ‘m sleepy. It’s all so spinny. Remind me tomorrow that we should never drink tequila again.” Emily retrieved a nearby Sharpie, pulling Callie’s hand into her lap. “No more tequila for Emily,” she enunciated as she wrote it out on the back of Callie’s hand. She then looked to her own hand. “No more tequila for Callie,” she added to her own hand. 

“No more tequila,” Callie agreed with a groan. 

10 June 1996

Boston, Massachusetts 

“Arizona, I am freaking out here.” 

Arizona glanced up from the magazine she’d been idly flipping through. Sure enough, her brother was pacing up and down the length of the room. If he kept going, he was going to crease his dress uniform and their father’d have a breakdown. 

“Tim, you’ve only got like 8 more minutes of freaking out then. Dad’s schedule was pretty clear.” 

“You’re no help, you realize that.” 

“I’m super helpful. I’m just not sure what you want me to do here. I’d offer to go check on Jane for you, but she’s there and I’d rather not. No offence to your future wife, but she’s got horrible taste in friends.” 

Tim twisted on his heel, looking far more like a nervous teenager asking his crush to prom than an Army officer about to marry the love of his life. “You’re the one who dated her for a year plus.” 

“I was young and misguided,” Arizona deadpanned, flipping another page of her magazine. “You have 6 minutes. Should I go get Dad? I’m sure he’s got some sort of Marine-style, pull your act together wisdom.” 

“You’re really annoying. Have I ever told you that?” Tim shot back, his fingers idly fussing with his tie. 

Arizona grinned up at him before standing to her feet. Even with her heels, she was still far shorter than her brother, just barely coming past his shoulder. She laid her hands on his shoulders, forcing him to lean down a bit. “Timothy, Jane is your soulmate. You love her, she loves you, the rest of it isn’t important. It’s nothing short of magical. And you two are going to go get married and have ridiculously cute babies so Mom has some grandbabies to fuss over and you’re going to live an incredibly happy life. Now, chin up, soldier,” she joked in a weak impression of their father. “There’s a very pretty girl who’s going to be waiting for you, so you don’t want to be late.” 

Tim nodded, his bottom lip wobbling a bit. “Thank you, Zo. I needed that.” 

“Don’t you dare start crying now, Timmy. Because if you cry, I’ll cry and Joanne will think it’s about her and we can’t have Dad starting a fight at your wedding.” Arizona managed a chuckle at the stricken expression on her brother’s face. “I’m really happy for you. Like really, super happy.” 

“Before you know it, it’ll be your turn and I’ll have to give some dramatic speech to get you down the aisle and save the day.” Arizona pushed at his shoulder before hugging her brother tightly. 

“Lieutenant, you ready to rock and roll? Aw, Robbins family hugs, and you didn’t invite me?” Nick launched himself at the pair of siblings. “Love you guys,” Nick mumbled into Arizona’s hair. “Don’t suppose I could talk you into a double wedding, Tombstone? We’re due for a renewal. Ow, ow, stop that, both of you!” Nick yelped, swatting away their pinching fingers. “It was a joke, geez.” 

“In your dreams, Nicolas.” Arizona pushed up onto her toes to press a kiss to her brother’s cheek. “You’re running a minute late. You best get out there before the Colonel comes looking for you. He’s all yours, Nick. I’m gonna go find Mom and Dad.” 

As she left the room, she glanced back at her brother and his nervous twitching beneath his dress uniform. He and Jane had made her believe in happy endings and fairytales again. 

28 July 1997 

Gaborone, Batswona 

Callie smiled back at the Peace Corps volunteer waiting for her to finish her call. He looked bored with the whole situation, a cigarette dangling from his lips. 

“ ... who is this? Hello? Hello? ” 

“Mami? Mami, it’s Callie.” 

“Callie! Where are you? Your father and I have been worried sick. Where are you? Carlos! It’s Callie!” 

“ Calliope!” Her father yelled into the phone. Callie winced, pulling the phone away from her ear. “Where are you?” 

“I already asked that, Carlos.” 

“Mami, Daddy, take a breath, please. Um, please don’t be mad.” She exhaled slowly, bracing herself. “I’m in Botswana.” 

“You’re where?” Her mother’s voice reached decibels previously unknown. “ ¿Que estabas pensando? De todas las cosas idiotas que hacer ... ¿por qué no puedes ser más como Aria? [What were you thinking? Of all the idiotic things to do ... why can't you be more like Aria?] ” Of course, Aria would never do something like this. Because Aria was perfect and had an MBA and was married and pregnant. 

“I joined the Peace Corps!” She whisper-yelled into the phone in a desperate attempt to stem her mother’s agitated rambling. “Daddy, say something, please.” 

“ You joined the Peace Corps? What happened to your internship in New York? I thought you liked working for James’ company. I had to pull a lot of strings to get you that internship, Calliope. And what about your business school applications? Are you going to submit them from Africa? ”

Callie dragged a hand through her hair, her fingers catching on the tangles formed over the course of the over 24 hours of travel. “Daddy, I just… I need to do this. Something that I chose, that I got by my own merit.” Her father started to protest, but Callie powered through, “I don’t want to go to business school. I don’t know what I want to do, but I need to have the opportunity to figure it out. All my life, I’ve been privileged. I need to, I want to give back. Can’t you understand that?” 

“Calliope, it sounds dangerous-”

“Carlos, your daughter is doing something immensely charitable. We should be proud. ” 

“Thank you, Mami.” 

“ I am very concerned about this, Calliope. You don’t want to go to business school?”

Callie sagged against the phone booth. “No, I don’t. I never loved it like you or Aria.” 

“You couldn’t have done some volunteer work with one of your mother’s charities here in Miami. You’re on the other side of the world, mija.” Her father sighed heavily and she could picture him burying his face in his hands. “I worry about you, Calliope. You’re so impulsive sometimes.”

“I need to do something that’s just me. Not built off of you and Mami. I’m doing this for me. Please understand that.” 

There was a long silence and all Callie could hear was the bustling of the airport behind her. 

“Fine, fine, Calliope. But I am giving you the number of my international banker and also a friend of mine who is based in South Africa. And you will call at minimum once a month. Your mother and I would prefer more frequently. But at least once a month. Do you have cash? I can send you more cash if you need.” 

A smile broke onto her face at her father’s words. “Thank you, Daddy! No, I brought cash. I promise I have enough. Let me find a pen and paper.” She cradled the phone in her shoulder. “Hey, do you have a pen and paper?” 

The volunteer rolled his eyes, but dug around in his pockets. “Only got a pen, sorry,” he spoke around his cigarette. “Can you hurry this up? We’re on a schedule.” 

“Yeah, ‘course. One more minute.” Her father painstakingly relayed the various numbers to her and she scribbled them down. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say her father was on the verge of tears. 

“ Te amo, Calliope. Go be brilliant.”

Callie echoed back similar sentiments, the weight of what she had done settling on her. She wouldn’t see her parents for two years. She sniffled a bit. Two whole years. 

But as with everything, she would be the best and then hopefully, she’d know what to do with her life.  

7 July 1998

Boston, Massachusetts 

“ Sláinte !” Tim called, raising his glass for cheers. Arizona, along with a handful of Robbins cousins, joined him. “Last one done buys the next round.” All five of them set to finishing their pints, Arizona narrowly coming in last. 

“Aw, Baby Zozo, you’re the only one still in school. You should be better at this,” her cousin Brooks teased, nudging her with his elbow. 

She happily elbowed him back. “In med school. With lots and lots of student loans. So you’re all getting the cheap stuff. Unless you’re gonna fork over some cash, Brooks, with your fancy job.” He grumbled good-naturedly but passed her a few twenties. 

“Don’t say I never do anything for you.” Brooks ruffled her hair before his sister flicked his ear. “Cath,” he whined, sounding far more like a twelve-year-old than a forty-year-old father of three. “You’re being mean.” 

“You know the rules, no picking on Arizona.” 

“That was a rule when I was like five, Cath,” Arizona said, leaning around Brooks to see Cath. 

Cath pinned her with a look that reminded her far too much of her mother’s. “You’re the baby. It’s the rules. Right, Ryan?” 

The middling cousin tore his gaze away from some women at the bar. “What’s that?” 

“Cath is fussing over Arizona.” 

Ryan chuckled, “She’s been doing that for years. Carting her around like her own personal baby doll.” 

Arizona pouted a bit, folding her arms over her chest. “I’m nearly 23! I’m in medical school. I’m gonna be a doctor.” 

“Aw, but you’ll always be the five-year old that threw up Christmas cookies on Ryan,” Tim interjected, pinching her cheek. Arizona snapped at him. 

“Or when Cath took her shopping when she was a baby and everybody thought Cath was a teen mom.” 

“Aunt Barb asked me to take her.” Cath threw an arm over Arizona’s shoulder, swaying a bit after her third pint. “And now look at you. Gonna be a doctor.” 

“Okay,” Arizona sang, carefully slipping out of Cath’s grip, “I’m gonna go get the next round and some water for Cath.” 

“I’ll give you a hand.” Tim trailed after her, glaring at the guy on the corner of the bar who’d been eyeing Arizona all night. “Two o’clock,” Tim whispered in her ear as they leaned against the bar, nodding towards the guy, “He’s gonna buy you a drink and come over here.” 

Arizona cast a wary glance. He was vaguely, conventionally attractive if you’re into that sort of thing. Sure enough, a bartender slid a shot over to Arizona, saying, “That guy over there sent you this, but,” and the woman leaned over the bar, “you can do much better.” 

“You offering?” 

“Maybe. Find me before you leave, hm? If I’m not around, give me a call, cutie.” The bartender quickly scribbled her number onto Arizona’s hand. 

“Sure thing.” Arizona winked, delighting in the slight flush on the other woman’s cheeks. She turned back to her brother, finding him grinning. “Oh shut up, Timothy. Go bring Cath some water.” Arizona twisted back to wave down a bartender but managed to knock into somebody else. “Oh sorry!”  

The other girl waved her off. “What’s the deal with tall, blonde and handsome over there?” She jerked a thumb towards Tim. 

Arizona stifled a laugh. “Tim? He’s my brother.” 

“Is he single?” 

“Happily married to his soulmate.” She managed an apologetic grin at the other woman, who groaned dramatically. “Sorry.” 

“The good ones are always married or taken,” the other woman moaned with a shake of her head. “By the way, the bartender is totally into you.” Arizona flashed her palm. “Nicely done. This calls for tequila! Hey, Jake, four tequila shots for me and my friend!” 

“Oh, you don’t have to-” Arizona fumbled for the cash her cousin had given her. 

“Nah,” the other woman cut her off with a wave, “It’s going on my bitch of a mother’s card, so I’m buying for everyone.” 

“Right…” 

As Jake poured their shots, the woman held up her hand for Arizona to see. “My soulmate writes me dirty jokes sometimes. It’s great. She’s a total bitch.” 

“She?” 

“Oh, we’re both totally straight. Or like 95% straight. We figure it’s platonic. Cheers, Jake.” The woman shoved two shots over to Arizona. “I’m guessing you haven’t found yours yet.” 

“Nope.” 

“Alright then, to finding our soulmates!” 

They both tossed back a shot easily, quickly reaching for the next one.

“Cheers,” Arizona volunteered, holding up her shot to the other woman. Arizona coughed a bit as the tequila burned down her throat. “Thanks for that.” 

“Oi, Z, stop flirting and get us our beer!” Ryan yelled across the bar. 

Arizona twisted to yell back over her shoulder. “I’m coming, chill out, Ryan!” She turned back to her drinking companion, only to find the woman had blended back into the crowd. “Huh.” 

8 October 1998

Mookane, Botswana 

Callie swiped a hand over her face before more sweat could drip into her eyes. She glanced up to the guy helping her catalogue the clinic’s supplies, finding him looking at her expectantly. Admittedly, she hadn’t been listening as he recounted how he met his soulmate. 

“Sorry, zoned out a bit. This heat’s really getting to me.” 

Brandon chuckled as he pushed back his own long and admittedly sweaty red hair. His nose seemed to be permanently sunburned at this point as well. “No worries, Cal. I get it. Ronnie always says I just like the sound of my own voice sometimes.” He passed her a box of gauze. “I never asked, have you met your soulmate yet?” 

Callie shook her head, her gaze falling to the back of her hand. A laundry list of assignments was all but faded against her skin. “No, not yet.” 

“You’ll find them, er, him,” Brandon offered with a kind smile. “He’s out there, just waiting for you.” 

“Thanks, Brandon.” 

“Who knows, maybe you’ll find him here?” 

Callie chuckled, stretching up on her toes to shove the gauze onto the top shelf. “Yeah, stranger things have happened. But honestly, I’m not that hung up on it. It’d be great to find him, but I’m of the opinion that you can have totally happy, fulfilling relationships beyond your soulmate.” 

“You should write that down or something. You could write a book.” 

“How to live well without your soulmate? Yeah, that’d make a killing. If only there was a book on what to do with your life after you pushed off major decisions for two years. What’re you doing after this?” 

“Going back to school, man. I’m getting my masters in civil engineering. I wanna help people, ya know?” 

“Same. Well, to the helping people, not the engineering part. I want to help people. Like that kid the other day that Doc was working on.” 

“The polio kid?” 

“Yeah, that’s what I want to do.” 

“Help people with polio?” 

“Well, yes, but no. I want to help people walk again, make things better for them. I’ve been thinking about maybe applying to medical school. I always liked science.” 

“Then do it, man! You’ve gotta go out there and seize the day!” 

“Thanks, Brandon, I appreciate the support.” 

She really ought to give her dad a call. He’d be able to help her from the States and he’d probably just be thrilled she had some sort of plan going forward. 

She was going to be a doctor. Yeah, that sounded right somehow. 

Callie grinned to herself as she started counting the packs of gloves in the clinic. 

18 August 1999

Baltimore, Maryland 

“ Hey, Arizona? Arizona? Dude, are you even listening to me? ” 

“Ah, yeah, sorry. I was just surprised. What were you saying?” 

“ I decided to run away with Nick. We’ve been madly in love this whole time. I’m leaving Jane. ” 

“Hm, that’s nice, Tim.” 

“ Arizona! ” 

“What have I said about using the Colonel voice?” 

“You weren’t listening. I’m trying to get your very important feedback on Jane’s birthday present. I’d appreciate your full attention. You don’t have a girl over, do you? ” 

“What? No, no. Sorry, Tim. I just, it’s, the marks are back.”

“Seriously? Hasn’t it been like nearly two years since there were signs of life?” 

“Yeah, um, there’s a… I think it’s a flight number. I just… I assumed that she met someone and was consciously not doing it. Which could still be the case. But she never responded. Whatever, it’s not important. Let’s hear these ideas.” 

“Oh, right, yeah…. Lemme grab ‘em. At first, I was thinking jewelry… but that’s simple, easy and very, very expensive….” 

14 February 2000

Miami, Florida 

“Good morning,” a soft voice broke through Callie’s half-conscious state. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Cal.” 

Callie rolled onto her side, slowly blinking away sleep. “Mornin’, Todd.” She pushed herself up onto her elbows to press a kiss to the corner of her boyfriend’s mouth. “You’re up early. I thought you didn’t have class until the afternoon.” 

“I don’t, but I wanted to make you breakfast. And you’ve got class at 10.” 

“I can definitely get behind that plan.” 

“Perfect, first, champagne!” Todd reached down and pulled out a bottle of champagne. Callie’s stomach tightened at the sight of the label. “This is the brand you like, right? Your dad mentioned it at dinner last month?” He asked, misinterpreting Callie’s expression as disappointment. Well, she was disappointed, disappointed that Todd felt like he need to spend well over $100 on a bottle of champagne for her. 

“No, no, it’s perfect, thank you so much.” She pushed down the guilt welling within her. “I was just surprised is all.” 

Todd didn’t talk much about money, but she knew he had significant student loans and his parents, both elementary school teachers, weren’t able to help him out very much. They spent the majority of their time at Callie’s apartment, a gorgeous two-bed with stunning floor to ceiling windows that looked out across Miami. It had been a gift in celebration of Callie starting medical school. Todd’s place, on the other hand, was shared between him and three other guys and only had hot water in the mornings for about twenty minutes. 

And Todd had gone out and bought an expensive bottle of champagne simply because her father had mentioned it was her favourite. Because Callie had a favourite champagne. 

“Oh crap, I forgot the orange juice. I’ll go grab it.” 

“I’ll come with. I should get out of bed.” 

“You sure you don’t want breakfast in bed? ‘Cause I can do breakfast in bed.” Todd beamed at her, his lone dimple popping out. 

She reached out for him to help her out of bed. “I’m good. I’ll keep you company.” 

As she followed him out to the kitchen, state of the art, of course, she couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt and dread over what else Todd had planned for the day. Todd was by far the nicest, most genuine guy she’d ever dated. With his boyish smile and long limbs, he sort of bounded everywhere, always a bit taller than everyone else. He was the kind of guy who’d help little old ladies with their shopping and stopped to help a kid get a kite out of a tree. Her parents were perfectly charmed by him and his Midwestern sensibilities. He was a Protestant, which was mark against him, but he called his parents regularly and attended church at least once a month, which was more than Callie could say sometimes. 

They’d only been dating for five months now, but it was by far the healthiest five months of a relationship Callie’d ever experienced. It was easy with Todd. He liked going out and dancing and watching horror movies. 

But their marks didn’t match. Callie was more aware than most that you didn’t need matching marks to be happy, to be loved. But a small part of her still wanted the fairytale, even if it wasn’t her parents’. 

Ever since her father revealed that he and her mother weren’t soulmates, Callie had become more aware of the subtle signs in her parents’ marriage. They loved each other, there was no question of that. And they loved her and Aria. But they weren’t all that affectionate with each other. They shared a perfunctory kiss when her father left for work, but beyond that, the most she ever saw them touching was for photos. They weren’t blindly in love with each other. 

Callie couldn’t bring herself to want that. She wanted to be ridiculously, terribly in love with her soulmate. And she was willing to wait for it. 

That didn’t mean she couldn’t see herself falling in love with Todd. Her mother always said she wasn’t cautious with her heart. It was said with such derision and fear as if being openly loving was a negative trait. 

“Cal?” 

“Hm, sorry, what’d you say?” 

“You look deep in thought. Is everything okay?” 

“Oh yeah, I was just thinking about my parents. I need to remember to call and wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day.” Todd nodded, turning back to his pancakes on the stove. “This is so sweet, Todd.” 

He shrugged. “You deserve it. So we have dinner reservations at 7 tonight.” 

“Are you sure you don’t just want to stay in?” 

Something akin to hurt flashed across Todd’s face and he shook his head. “It’s Valentine’s Day. We should go out. I want to treat you.” Callie raised her hands in silent placation. “So I’ll pick you up around 6:30 then?” 

“What’s the dress code?” 

“Pretty dressy. You could wear that dark red one. You’re drop dead gorgeous in that one.” 

Callie nodded along. That dress was definitely not a casual dress. That wasn’t even just a dressy dress. It was a straight up fancy, going to formal business dinners sort of dress. Callie almost dreaded to think of where they were going that that dress was necessary. 

As it turned out, Callie’s instinct was correct about how overtly fancy the night Todd had planned for them was. As they smiled at each other across a white tablecloth, Callie found herself fighting the urge to cry or something. 

She would’ve been just as happy with pizza and beers or going to the movies or hanging out in their favourite bar. But ever since Todd met her parents, he had been insisting on nicer outings. He always paid, ever the gentleman, but Callie was increasingly concerned for his finances. He refused to let Callie pay, which she appreciated in theory, but not if it meant Todd would go bankrupt in the process. 

“And we have the Chateau Leoville, a wonderful bordeaux from 1985, which was a truly wonderful year for wine,” their waitress said, holding the bottle out to Todd, who nodded quickly. 

Callie watched in mild horror as Todd went through the process of testing the wine, a bottle of wine that she estimated to be close to $250 at minimum. That was practically what he spent on rent for the week. 

“What do you think? It’s nice, isn’t it?” 

Callie hummed, “Delicious. I didn’t think you liked red wine though.” 

“We’re at a steakhouse for Valentine’s Day, isn’t red wine what you should drink? I asked Matthew and he said that that was a good bottle. I had them set it aside for us. Do you not like it?” 

Callie reached across the table to grab Todd’s hand. “No, no, it’s perfect, but it’s your Valentine’s Day too.” She laced their fingers together. “Thank you for this. It’s lovely.” 

Scanning the menu, Callie’s heart sank further. This meal would probably bankrupt her very sweet, very misguided boyfriend. 

Once their nearly-$100 entrees were ordered, Callie excused herself to the bathroom. On her way, she diverted away from the bathroom to the hostess stand. 

“Hi, excuse me.” She cast a wary look back towards Todd, but he was still facing away from her. 

“Good evening, is there something I can help with?” The hostess asked, a weary, practiced smile on her face. “Was everything alright with your meal?” 

“Oh, yes, I mean, we’ve only just ordered, but everything’s always wonderful here. I was actually wondering if I could put down my card, so I can pay for the meal. My boyfriend planned everything and I just want to do something for him, you know?” Callie fumbled for her purse, producing the platinum Amex that linked to her father’s account. 

The hostess nodded, taking the card from Callie. “Oh, Ms Torres. I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize you sooner. Your parents were here just last week.” Of course they were. “If you want, I can just put the meal on your father’s account here. He’s always said that you and your sister are more than welcome to. That way you can keep your card with you.” 

Callie glanced back at Todd before nodding shortly. “That would be perfect. Thank you, uh, Haley.” 

“Of course, Ms Torres. I’ll have that sorted for you.” 

Callie opened her mouth, but shut it quickly, unsure what else there was to say. She needed to hurry back regardless before Todd got worried. 

“All good, Cal?” 

“Yep, just a bit of a line in the bathroom.” She pressed a fleeting kiss to his cheek as she passed him. “So, you were saying about your research paper?” 

Things were easy with Todd. They liked the same sort of things. They were compatible in bed. But none of that did anything to change the fact that they weren’t soulmates. It was like they were just biding time, treading water together until one of them met the right person and left. 

Callie couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of guilt. It wasn’t as if they were cheating or anything of the sort, but it was an odd feeling to be with someone you know you won’t end up with. 

“Ready to head home?” Todd already had a hand up to wave down their waitress. “If we could get our check please.” 

“It’s already been taken care of. You two have a great night!” 

Immediately, Todd’s face crumpled into a frown. “Already taken care of? Callie, what’s she talking about?” 

Callie suddenly found the remnants of her cheesecake absolutely fascinating. “Hm? What’s up?” Maybe if she just didn’t look at Todd, she wouldn’t feel terrible. 

“The waitress… our meal’s already been paid for? Is that what you were doing when you went to the bathroom?” His voice pitched up, drawing the attention of nearby diners. 

“Todd, not here. Let’s just go.” With jerky movements, Callie stood to her feet and all but stalked out of the restaurant, unable to get the hurt look on Todd’s face out of her face. 

“Callie!” Todd jogged after her, catching her by the elbow as she stepped out the door. “Callie, what the hell? Did you pay for the dinner? I was treating you. It’s Valentine’s. Why would you do that?” 

“Todd, I was just being nice.” Callie kept her words short, mindful of the brewing storm next to her. 

Todd’s lip curled. “Being nice? Being nice, Cal? That was humiliating. How could you… I tried to do something nice for you. Something that would be up to your standards and you went and did that. D’you not think I’m capable of providing for you?” 

“Todd, no-” 

“Just ‘cause I don’t have money like you doesn’t mean I’m not able to buy you nice things and take you out to fancy restaurants. God, do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?” 

“Todd, it was one dinner. I charged it to my dad’s account-” 

“Your parents think I’m not worthy of you-” 

“My parents loved you when I introduced you-” 

“Your dad made some big song and dance about taking care of you and providing you with the happiness you deserve-” 

“He’s my dad. He’s just making sure you’re a good guy,” Callie shot back, throwing her hands up in frustration. “It’s not about the money.” 

“You’re not listening to me, Callie. I am your boyfriend and I brought you to dinner. You should’ve just let me buy you dinner.” 

“You wouldn’t have been able to pay your rent!” 

Todd spluttered, his face turning an alarming shade of red. “You’ve always looked down on me. Always. What? Am I just some charity case? You’re slumming it with me?” 

Callie warred with her instinct to keep the peace and the urge to defend herself. “Really, Todd? Really? That’s what you think of me?” The urge to yell back at Todd won out. “You’re not that great yourself.” 

“Oh nice, real nice, Callie. You have always made me feel lesser, always the smaller person.” 

“How? How have I done that? You’re not a freakin’ sugar baby! Unless that’s what you’re going for? Or does it just make you feel too emasculated if you don’t control everything all the time?” 

“Fuck you, Callie.” 

“No, fuck you, Todd. I’m done.” Without so much as a backward glance, Callie stormed off, nearly stumbling in her heels. As she swallowed back a sob, she dialled her father’s car service. 

She hated this. She hated how much her father’s influence and her own privilege dominated her life. It had been so much better in the Peace Corps. No one was trying to position themselves to be closer to her father or to take advantage of her wealth. No one felt threatened or emasculated. 

And yet here she was. Another banner Valentine’s Day for Callie Torres. 

13 March 2000

Baltimore, Maryland 

“You’ve reached Jane and Tim Robbins, leave a message after the beep and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible!”  

“Hey Tim, just calling to say happy birthday! I’m sure you’re busy with work and everything. I know Jane’s got some stuff planned for you, very top secret plans. I’ve got your present here and I don’t think it’ll ship well so you can have it when you next come up to see us. Give me a call when you get this! Love you lots!” 

11 August 2000

Miami, Florida 

Was she hyperventilating? She was pretty sure she was hyperventilating. That seemed like a bad thing. What kind of loser freaked out at their own birthday party? The kind of loser who had no friends and no boyfriend and definitely no soulmate. Her soulmate probably didn’t even want her. That was how much of a loser Callie was. 

Loud music pumped through the club and Callie wanted to cry. One of her friends tried to wave her over to the dance floor, but Callie couldn’t do it. Instead, after brushing surreptitiously at her cheeks, she hurried to the bathroom. Maybe she could just tell her friends she was sick and needed to go home. 

Shutting herself into a stall, she slid down onto the probably filthy floor, her back pressed against the wall of the stall. Seriously, what was wrong with her? 

A broken sort of sob wrenched its way free of her chest despite her best efforts. Callie curled in on herself, biting down on her fingers so she didn’t alert anyone. 

She was officially 25 now and it felt like her life was over. 

How pathetic was she. 

This was not how she thought her life would go. She was supposed to meet her soulmate and be happy. Instead she was crying on the floor of some club Aria had recommended. Of course, Aria had immediately ditched her to dance with her husband, which Callie couldn’t even really fault her for. 

Even in the bathroom, the music permeated everything and Callie just wanted quiet. 

“Hey, are you okay? Are you sick or something? Should I go get someone for you?” 

Callie’s head shot up and her cheeks burned. “Uh, no, I’m fine.” 

“Really? Because you’re crying kinda loudly. I’m not judging or anything, but are you sure you’re okay? Did you get spiked or are you just really drunk?” 

Callie sniffled a bit. “No, no, I’ve barely had anything to drink, despite being the one paying for everything.” She laughed a bit at herself. “It’s my birthday, and I’m the one paying for everything.” 

“Oh, that’s… that’s kind of shitty.” The girl’s voice sounded closer now. “Happy Birthday. How old are you turning?” 

“25. I think I’m having a quarter-life crisis.” 

“Would it be helpful if I told you the average lifespan is closer to 75, so your quarter-life crisis would actually have been like seven years ago.” 

“79.5.” 

“Huh?” 

“The average for American women is 79.5, so my quarter-life crisis would be just shy of 20, if my math is right, which it generally is.” 

The other girl laughed and Callie found herself smiling a bit. “See, you’re not having a quarter-life crisis because you’re well past your quarter-life. At 25, you’re practically middle aged.”

“Middle-aged?” Callie asked with a wet laugh, “How old are you? 18 with a fake?” 

“Hey, I’m 23 and it’s not a fake, despite what the bouncer said.” 

“Wow, 23, you’re a baby.” 

“Am not. I’ll be 24 in October.” 

“Oh, my bad.” 

“Yeah, your bad,” the other girl huffed. “So, are you still crying?” Callie nearly jumped out of her skin when a hand appeared under the stall wall, offering her a piece of toilet paper. 

“Uh, not so much anymore, thanks.” The hand disappeared as soon as Callie took the toilet paper. “Just one of those nights, I guess.” 

“I’ve had a few of those. Do you want to talk about it?” 

Callie shrugged and then remembered the girl couldn’t see her. “I dunno. Just feeling sort of lonely on my birthday, which is a sucky thing. I thought my life would be different by the time I was 25, y’know?” 

“What did you think would be different?” 

“No idea, didn’t think I’d be single and not with my soulmate by now.” 

“Have you considered reaching out to them?” 

“God, no.” 

“Same here. I mean, we talk a bit, but I dunno, I think it’s more romantic to let it happen naturally. I know we’ll meet eventually. It worked for my parents, my grandparents, all my cousins, my brother married his soulmate a few years ago.” 

“Yeah,” Callie sighed, staring at her hand. “I know. There’s just some days-” 

“Where it’d be nice to know there’s someone just for you? Know you’re not destined to be alone?” 

Callie rested her head back against the stall. “Exactly. Most days… most of the time, just knowing he’s out there is enough. But the longer it takes, the more I’m worried he’ll find someone else, decide it’s, I’m not worth the wait.” 

“Hey, hey, don’t think like that. I’m sure you’re a catch. Even if your soulmate doesn’t work out, I bet there’d be loads of peo- er, guys out there for you.” 

Callie laughed, fiddling with the necklace Aria loaned her for the night. “You’re very optimistic. I’ve been told I’m not. I wish I could just know things would work out, but I don’t like… I don’t…” 

“It’s hard being on your own sometimes.” 

“Even when you’re surrounded by people-” 

“It just feels lonely?” The other girl offered. “I know what you mean. Maybe it’s easy to romanticise everyone else’s life, but it’s hard when everyone else seems to just get it and you don’t.” 

Callie rubbed at the knot in her chest as she said, “I always feel like I’m missing out on something. Like I’m never in on the joke. God, I sound pathetic.” 

“No, no, not at all. I… yeah, no, that makes sense. It feels like everyone has something or someone more important, and you’re just waiting for someone to see you.” The girl inhaled a slow breath, “Maybe that’s the point of soulmates, to have that one person who sees you, but it’s really hard when you don’t have your soulmate yet. I want to believe in soulmates and the magic of it all. But there are also times when I just feel angry and sad, like I’m waiting for someone who might not even be right for me. There’s a part of me missing all the time and it’s supposed to be my soulmate, but what if we’re wrong for each other?” 

“What if they don’t think it was all worth it?” Callie added softly. “I think about that all the time. What if all that waiting is for nothing?” 

“I-” 

“Oh God, there you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” 

“Jane, I was just-” 

“Were you throwing up? You can barely stand upright.” 

“That’s because you put me in these death trap shoes!” 

“Oh, come on. Before you get yourself into trouble.” 

Callie tried to pull herself to her feet, moving slower than usual with how stiff her legs felt. By the time she got to her feet and out of the stall, the woman she had been speaking with was gone. 

30 September 2001

Alexandria, Virginia

Arizona wrapped her arms tighter around herself as she listened to her father speak in hushed tones with her brother in his office. She leaned her head against the wall. 

Her dad had been on edge for the past month. According to her mother, he spent more time at work than at home. Arizona had bitten her tongue, stopping a snarky ‘what’s new?’ from falling from her lips. A sense of dread had hung over the Robbins’ household, waiting, waiting for when, not if, Tim would be deployed. 

She almost wanted to smack her brother for choosing to become a Ranger. Why couldn’t he have been good at computers or something? Or followed their father into intelligence and communications? Arizona always thought it ironic that her dad told people he worked in communications. He sucked at communicating things. 

Her chief resident, this stuck up, cardio focused bitch, had rolled her eyes and denied Arizona’s gentle request for the weekend off. Tim was getting the weekend to come up from Georgia before he deployed. Arizona had spent a day moping around the peds ward as she monitored a toddler who had tumbled down the stairs. Thankfully, there was no cardio element, so the Wicked Witch of the East, as Fran called her, was nowhere to be found. 

At one point, Tim called, all nervous excitement tinged with fear, with plans for their weekend. Dr McCale found her curled up in an empty office, quietly crying. 

“Robbins, right?” 

“Yes, sir,” she replied quickly, brushing away her tears as quickly as she could. “Sorry, sir. I just…” 

“Robbins, sit.” After a lifetime of following orders, Arizona found herself dropping back into the chair. McCale pulled up a chair, his face kind and open. “You’ve been on Kenner’s service a few times.” She nodded along, unsure where he was going with this and more importantly if she was about to be kicked out of her internship. There were rumours of people losing out on internships for less than crying. “You’ve got potential.” 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“Intern year is tough, Robbins. You can’t let it get to you.” 

The Marine-raised part of her rankled at the implication that she couldn’t cut it. She put in more hours, more research than any of her peers. “I don’t have a problem with the work. Really, I swear.”

McCale smiled at her and Arizona practically thought he was going to give her a lollipop or something. “Good, good. I’d hate to lose out on a promising, young surgeon. That being said, you can’t let the losses get to you.” 

Clearing her throat with discomfort, she said quietly, “That’s… that’s not it.” 

“Then please enlighten me why you look like somebody just kicked your puppy.” 

“My brother, he’s deploying to, to Afghanistan soon and he got the weekend off to visit our parents in Virginia. I know it’s poor form to take time off during your internship, but my brother, he’s an Army Ranger. I don’t know how much you know about the military, sir, but my father’s a Marine and I know that whatever my brother’s going to do, he’ll be on the front lines, sir. It’d break my mother’s heart if Tim wasn’t able to maximize his time off and if I wasn’t able to see him before he left.” Arizona stared down at her hands, twisting her grandmother’s ring on her pointer finger. “He’s been down in Georgia for… I haven’t seen him since Christmas. I’m sorry, sir, to dump all this on you.” She made to stand, but McCale motioned for her to sit again. 

“You come from a military family?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“I wondered.” 

“Sir?” 

“You don’t strike me like the raised by hippies type.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Your name, it’s Arizona, isn’t it?” She nodded, unsure of where McCale was going with this. “The battleship, yes?” Arizona’s mouth fell open in surprise. “Don’t look so surprised, Robbins. My father served as a Navy pilot in the Pacific theater. He told me and my brother about waking up to Japanese bombs falling in Hawaii.” 

“My, uh, my grandfather died on the Arizona.” 

“And now your brother is an Army Ranger, deploying to Afghanistan. And you’d like to go and see him before he leaves.” 

“Yes, sir. But, um, the chief resident, she denied the request.” 

A sort of soft expression crossed his face. “I’ll countermand that.” 

“Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.” 

He smiled at her, even as a great grief and sadness filled his eyes. “Of course. Please pass along my thanks to your brother for his service. My… my brother, my brother, he…” McCale trailed off and Arizona could fill in the blanks. 

Arizona froze, words of sympathy catching in her throat. She knew the words, had sat at the kitchen table while her mother made casseroles for grieving widows, had watched her father drink in the living room with his buddies, had watched as her classmates sat in the back with puffy, red eyes. But they were soldiers. It was always a risk. They said they died for their country, protecting freedom and their unalienable rights, that it was honourable and patriotic. 

“I’m sorry, sir,” she finally rasped out. 

McCale almost looked like he might cry. “Take the weekend, Robbins. See your brother. I’ll expect you back here first thing Monday. I’m curious about you.” Taking that as a dismissal, she stood to her feet. She was halfway out the door when McCale called out, “And don’t think I don’t know that you were the one running around my ward with wheels on your shoes. I’d advise you not let any other attendings find out, Robbins.” 

“Yes, sir. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

The sound of a car backfiring on the street broke Arizona out of her memories. She could hear her mother cooking all of Tim’s favourites in the kitchen, singing along quietly to an Ella Fitzgerald album. Part of her desperately wanted to know what her father and brother were discussing; the other part of her knew that whatever it was would probably make her more terrified for Tim. 

She and Tim always joked that the less they knew about Dad’s job the better, but now Tim probably was right in the middle of whatever it was her father did as a private contractor. 

Normally, Arizona didn’t do well staying still without anything to occupy her attention. That was part of what made her an excellent intern. She was always running around, ready for anything. She’d learned a long time ago that it was better if she kept moving. 

But now, now it felt like she was frozen, stuck. 

She needed to repaint her nails. The bright purple Fran had done was half-chipped off at this point. 

Neuroscience - Purves - Unit II - Ch. 11, 12, 13  

The words appeared in dark, thick black letters, clearly written by a Sharpie or something. Neuroscience, huh? Arizona was almost positive she had that textbook up in her room. She must be a med student or a grad student or something. Or she was just very interested in neuroscience. 

“Arizona, have you been lurking on the stairs all afternoon?” Arizona’s head snapped up at the sound of her father’s voice. 

“No, sir.” 

“Come here.” 

She shakily stood to her feet, her left leg half-asleep and joined her father at the bottom of the stairs. 

His eyes softened for a moment as he tipped her chin up. “I’m glad you were able to take time off and come home.” 

The rebellious, frustrated part of her wanted to say that this wasn’t home. That she had never had a home , just houses where she and her mom and Tim lived and her father occasionally visited. That she felt more at home in the crummy two bed she had shared with Rachel, her roommate, since her second year of med school. 

“Me too,” she said instead. 

“Tim will be okay.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“He’s… he’ll be okay.” 

“As okay as you can be in the middle of a warzone.” It fell from her lips before she could stop it. 

Her father’s eyes narrowed, although there was very little actual anger behind the expression. “You have something to say, Arizona?” She shook her head, biting down on her cheek until she tasted blood. “Your brother is doing the honourable thing. He chose to serve his country.” 

“Yeah, chose,” she mumbled under her breath, cursing herself internally. 

Storm clouds formed across his face and he spat out, “What was that?” 

“I said… you know what, Tim is about to go to one of the most dangerous places in the world and you’re acting like that’s a good thing. What are you going to say if he dies,” she hissed, unable to stop herself, “if he gets hurt? That he did the honourable thing. I’m sure that’ll be real reassuring.” 

“Arizona,” he snapped, mindful of keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the others in the kitchen. “Enough. I will not listen to you disparage-” 

“Disparage? What am I disparaging? The fact that Tim might die? The fact that you made it impossible for him to do anything else?” She inhaled a shaky breath. She hated this. “I’m not going to do this.” She turned sharply on her heel and all but ran out into the backyard. 

The cool, fall wind made the tears on her cheek all the worse. “Fuck,” she sighed, suddenly desperate for the pack of cigarettes in the cupholder of her car. Taking a few steps further into the yard, she kicked the soccer ball left there over the summer against the fence. “Fuck.” 

“Zo?” She wiped her tears away before turning to find her brother standing there. He looked like he had put on another ten pounds of muscle since she had seen him in May. “Zo, what’s-” Arizona launched herself at her brother, holding him as close to her as possible. “Arizona, what’s wrong?” 

“I hate this.” 

“I know.” 

Tim… Tim was all she had in a sense. He had been her first friend, her only friend for the first 18 years of her life. He was the one who backed her up in stupid playground fights and he was the first person she came out to. He was the one who held her at night when she got nightmares, terrified that their dad was never coming home. And now, Tim might be the one who never came home. 

“I argued with Dad. He’s pissed,” Arizona admitted to her brother’s sweater. He tightened his hold on her. “I just… it’s not fair.” 

“It was my choice, Zo. I wanted to do this.” 

“Tim…” 

“I’m not saying that Dad and Grandpa didn’t influence my thinking, but this was my choice. Zo, I can’t imagine doing anything else. I made my decision 10 years ago when I chose to go to West Point. It was my decision.” 

Arizona nodded against his chest. “You weren’t going to go to war ten years ago.” 

“Arizona.” Tim pulled back slightly, looking so much like their father in that moment. “I am doing what I want to do. This is my choice. Even if I hadn’t gone to West Point, if I had gone to a normal university and had a normal job, I’d’ve been the first one at the recruiting station. This is my choice. I chose to protect and defend my country and the things I love.” Arizona’s bottom lip trembled. “Zo, I’ve been trying to protect you ever since Mom told me I was gonna be a big brother. Although I did ask for a brother,” he said with a laugh that covered up the tears in his eyes, shoving her shoulder. “But you’re pretty alright.” 

“Just… you’re my best friend, Tim. I know I’m being selfish, but I really need you not to die.” 

“Hey, Goonies never say die, Zo.” 

“Yeah, Goonies never say die.” She pulled Tim back in for a tight hug again. “How’s Jane dealing with all of this?” 

“She’s… she’s scared. She’s already looking to transfer up here so she can be closer to you guys. You know how her mom is.” 

“She couldn’t get off work this weekend?” 

“Um… Joanne’s having her baby.” Arizona took a step back from Tim, wrapping her arms around her chest. “I’m sorry, Zo.” 

“It’s fine. We’ve been broken up for years.” 

“It’s still pretty shitty. But she and Jane have been through a lot.” 

Arizona opened her mouth to respond, but her mother cut her off, “Arizona, Tim, come inside please. The roast is ready.” 

The siblings called back to their mother, “Coming!” 

Tim slung an arm over her shoulder. She scowled up at him as he ruffled her hair. “You really are the perfect height for this.”

“You’re just freakishly tall. Oh my God, Dad is gonna kill me. Or make me do push ups until I pass out. I need my arms. I’m a surgeon. Or well, like a baby surgeon. But I need my arms.” Tim chuckled. “Don’t laugh. I like actually kind of whisper-yelled at him.” 

“That explains the crying. I thought you were just sad about me. But you yelling at Dad makes more sense.” 

“Shut up, you jerk.” 

Tim and her mother carried most of the conversation through dinner while Arizona and the Colonel shifted around in discomfort. Arizona tried to volunteer to help with the dishes, but her mother shot a meaningful glance towards her father. Her father cleared his throat and nodded towards his study. Tim, the coward, only gave her a shrug and moved to help with the dishes. 

Arizona silently followed her father into his study, immediately struck by the smell of cigars and leather. 

“Sit.” Arizona dropped into the large, leather armchair in front of his desk. “Arizona… ever since I first held you in my arms, I’ve been at a loss.” Arizona’s stomach twisted painfully. “You were such a quiet baby. You blinked up at me and in that moment, I knew I’d do anything to keep you safe, protect you from the world.” 

“Dad, I-” 

“I had spent over ten years in that damned jungle and until you and Tim, I didn’t know why I was fighting.” He fumbled for something in one of the desk drawers. Oh no, not Robbins’ family history hour. She and Tim had sat through so many of these lectures over the years. “Do you know what this is?” He passed over a small medallion. 

Without even looking at it, she figured she could probably make a pretty educated guess. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Nathaniel Robbins’ Sons of Liberty medallion.” Oh boy, this was a proper Robbins’ family history hour. Was this her punishment for mouthing off? Probably better than push ups. “He was the first Robbins to fight for his country. Every Robbins since has served this great country.” Arizona swallowed hard, running her fingers over the grooves of the medallion. “Every conflict the United States has entered, there has been a Robbins.” Absently, Arizona thought the Marines should have had her dad in recruitment, not intelligence. “It’s in our blood,” her father chuckled and Arizona almost wanted to throw up. “But that anger you’re feeling….” He stood to his feet and wandered towards the mantle, decorated by a folded flag. “I’m not discounting that, Arizona.” 

“Dad, I didn’t mean to-” 

“Yes, you did.” Her father stood practically at attention, his gaze fixed on the flag before him. “My father was a hero and I never met him. Most days, I can understand he was a hero and honourable. But there are days when I am overcome by an indescribable anger. Because he survived the trenches in France only to die in American waters. All I have of him is a flag.” She watched as her father’s shoulders shuddered with something she couldn’t understand. “But I respect his decision and I chose to honour it.” 

Arizona rankled slightly at the implication that she didn’t honour her family. “Yes, sir.” 

He turned to face her, his brows drawn tight. “I am terrified, Arizona, to think of your brother in the middle of a war zone.” 

“Daddy, I didn’t mean to say that you didn’t care. I’m just…” 

“What your brother is doing is honourable and brave. But as a parent, as a father, I have never been more scared in my life. This war… it’s unlike anything I’ve experienced. And Tim will be on the front lines.” 

Arizona really thought she was going to throw up. She stared down at the medallion between her fingers. Another set of pages and chapters had appeared on the back of her hand. 

“And I am so proud of him. Even if he went to West Point,” he added with a chuckle. Arizona nodded along, drumming her fingers on her knee. “Your brother is a good man in a storm.” 

“Yes, sir,” Arizona said, holding her father’s gaze. He turned away from her, back to his father’s flag. Arizona glanced down towards her hands. A small flower had been doodled along the length of her thumb. A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. 

6 February 2002

Baltimore, Maryland 

As soon as Callie stepped into the room, Carla all but collapsed in her arms, sobbing into her shoulder. “It’s not fair,” Carla whimpered. Callie held on as tightly as she could to her cousin. “She’s too little.” 

“Carla, it’ll be okay. This is one of the best hospitals in the country.” 

Carla nodded, but Callie could feel the tears still soaking through her shirt. “Thank you for coming, Cal. I know you’ve got school.” 

“Sh, it’s fine. I’m happy to be here for you. My parents and Aria send their love, and Daddy said to let him know if there’s anything he can do to help. He said and I quote, ‘I’ll buy a damned wing if I have to.’ Rosie’s tough though.” 

“That’s what everyone keeps telling us. But I’m so scared. I can barely be around her because I think I’m making her scared. But she’s my little girl. She’s going to think I don’t love her.” 

“Aw, Carla, that little girl is your world. And she knows it. You and Will are the best parents.” 

“Will is. I can’t stop crying.” Carla swiped at her cheeks. “How could this happen, Callie, how could my baby have a brain tumour?” 

Callie pulled Carla back into a hug. Her heart broke for her cousin, but she couldn’t shake the impending terror that in a very short time this would be her job. To deliver terrible news to parents. To be the one that people looked to to solve a problem. 

“I did some research and the survival rates are really good for Rosie. And seriously, this is the best place for her. I asked one of my professors and she said she’d sent her kid here for treatment.” 

Carla sniffled and managed a partial nod. “Rosie’s surgeons wanted to speak with us before they took her in.” That sent Carla into a fresh peal of sobs. “My baby,” she whimpered. 

“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up and we’ll head in. Rosie’s gonna be just fine, I’m sure of it.” 

It took about five minutes to sort of cover up the fact that Carla had barely stopped crying in the past hour, but once she looked presentable enough, Callie followed her up to the pediatric ward. She had braced herself for something terribly depressing, full of sad and dying children. But it was bright and oddly lively, the sound of children’s laughter occasionally filtering through. If Callie didn’t know any better, she’d say it was a daycare, not a pediatric ward at a hospital. 

“Look who I found, Rosie-girl,” Carla cried, her voice full of false cheer. 

The sight of her god-daughter in the hospital bed, dark circles carved under her normally bright eyes, stopped Callie in her tracks. 

“Tia Callie!” Rosie said, a bright smile stretching across her face. “You’re here.” 

“Hey there, munchkin.” 

“Did you know I get to have su’rey today?” 

“I heard. That’s why I’m here.” Callie glanced over to Carla’s husband, Will, who looked only marginally better than Carla. “Hey, Will.” 

“Hey, Callie, thanks for coming.” 

“How are we feeling today, Miss Hendry?” A booming voice shocked Callie away from the doorway. She moved to join Will near Rosie’s bedside to watch as an almost alarming number of doctors filtered in after the two older men at the front of the pack. 

God, was that going to be her in a year? She did not feel prepared whatsoever and Callie prided herself on being the top of everything through thorough preparation. 

“My Tia Callie came and she always reads the best stories,” Callie snapped back into the middle of Rosie’s conversation with the doctor at the sound of her name. “Tia Callie, this is Dr Norm. He has really good jokes.” 

“I eat a lot of popsicles,” the doctor said in a not-so quiet conspiratorial whisper. “Rosie here doesn’t like our orange ones, so she gives them to me. We’ve got a good system going. I get the orange ones. She gets the purple ones.” 

“They’re grape,” corrected Rosie to the amusement of all the adults in the room. “You gotta get it right, Dr Norm.” 

“Yeah, Dr Norm,” the other more senior looking doctor said, smiling back at Rosie. “Someone’s got to keep him in line.” 

Callie almost managed a smile at how friendly the doctors were with Rosie. That had to be a good sign, right? That they cared? 

She tried to pay attention as the two senior surgeons, who she discovered were actually called Drs McCale and Koracick, not Drs Norm and Tom as Rosie called them, outlined Rosie’s procedure. After all, it would be beneficial to her own education. But she could barely focus, her gaze continuously drawn back to the little girl in the bed. 

“What do you say we get that nasty tumour out of you, Rosie?” McCale asked as he moved to check Rosie’s chart. 

“Yes, please.” Rosie’s voice sounded much smaller than it had when the doctors first came in and traces of fear were evident in her eyes. “Can I go home then?” 

“You’ll have to stay and hang out here for a bit longer, but it won’t be so long, sound good?” Rosie nodded, but stopped quickly with a wince. “I’ll see you soon. Mr and Mrs Hendry, someone will be by shortly to prep Rosie for surgery. I promise, I will send one of my residents out with updates as frequently as possible.” He shook Carla and Will’s hands, nodding to Callie. 

Callie brushed her fingers along Rosie’s hand. She understood the science of the cancer attacking Rosie’s system. But watching her god-daughter suffer through it… it just motivated Callie more, reaffirmed the reason she wanted to go to med school in the first place. She wanted to help people. 

“s’it gonna hurt, Tia?” 

“Hm?” 

“The su’rey. Does it hurt?” Callie squeezed her eyes shut at the sound of Carla’s broken sob behind her. 

“No, you’ll be asleep the whole time.” Callie leaned in to press a kiss to Rosie’s forehead. “I’ll see you after.” She stood to her feet. “I’ll give you guys a minute. I’ll go get us some coffee.” She gave Carla a quick hug before leaving the small family to themselves. Once she was out of the room, she let go of a long breath. 

7 February 2002

Baltimore, Maryland

Arizona tugged a hand through her hair as she dropped the pile of files she had been loaded down with five floors ago. The freakin’ Wicked Witch of the East had been out for her blood for going on five months now. She hadn’t been back to her apartment in like 3 days, electing instead to grab naps in on-call rooms and observe surgeries in her free time. It was great from an experience standpoint. If you were the intern around, it was more likely that you’d actually get to do something. 

But beyond the benefits to her career, there was the added benefit of it occupied her free time as she waited for Jane’s call. 

Three days ago, Jane had called in a panic that Tim had missed their scheduled call. Three days later, and they still hadn’t heard from him. Jane tried writing to him, but no response. 

With each passing day, the pit in Arizona’s stomach grew. What if Tim didn’t make it back? Had Tim doomed his twins to their father’s fate of growing up with a widowed mother? Jane would know if Tim was dead. Wasn’t that how soulmates worked? 

Tim had to come back. He had to meet his babies. 

Arizona chewed on the inside of her cheek, which had been shredded over the past few days as she fell into old, bad habits. 

Tim had to be okay. 

Jane would get a call and they could all breathe again. 

“Dr Robbins, there’s a man on the phone for Dr McCale, demanding to speak with him more like, but he’s in with the Greenes right now.” Arizona glanced over her shoulder, willing an attending or a resident to appear. “Dr Robbins.” 

“Uh, are you sure I should talk to him? I mean, I’m just an intern.” 

The nurse, Rachel, rolled her eyes, her hand still over the mouthpiece. “I know, Robbins. Just stall him until McCale is out. Honestly, you interns get more and more skittish each year.” 

“Oh, right. Of course. I’m happy to chat with whoever it is?” 

Rachel shook her head in amusement as she handed the phone over. “Just stall,” she mouthed at Arizona. 

“Dr Robbins,” she chimed, wincing internally at how high pitched her voice had come out. “Uh, this is Dr Robbins speaking.”

“ I was told to ask for Norman McCale. You are not Norman McCale. ” 

“Dr McCale is my supervisor. He’s currently with a patient. How can I help you, Mr….?” 

“ I’m sure you’re a fine doctor, but I would like to speak with the man that operated on my niece’s daughter. ” 

“Sir, like I said, Dr McCale is with a patient. If you like, someone can have him call you back. Otherwise, I’m not sure what I can do for you….” She trailed off, propping her hip against the desk. 

“ Now, you listen here-”

“Dr Robbins, why don’t I take over?” McCale appeared over her shoulder and Arizona all but tossed the phone at him, retreating to her pile of scut work. 

Her cheeks burned in embarrassment. All she had to do was talk to someone on the phone and she froze up. She dropped into an empty chair, half-listening to McCale’s side of the conversation. 

From what she could tell, it was about McCale and Koracick’s medulloblastomas patient from yesterday. The rumours that had been flying around were that the girl came from a very wealthy family. That at least explained the phone call. 

Arizona pushed her chair back a bit so she could check on the girl, Rosie. Arizona had only been in there once, but Rosie seemed like a sweet kid. She had watched the surgery with Kenner as he narrated. McCale and Koracick were some of the best in the world. Rosie had to be okay. 

A woman with dark hair sat with her back to Arizona as she seemed to read to Rosie. Arizona watched for a few minutes before her resident snapped her name down the hall and Arizona hurried to follow after him.  

21 August 2002

Miami, Florida

“Damnit, Duke! Get back here!” Callie glanced up from her notes spread out across the blanket, only to find a golden retriever bearing down on her at an alarming speed. She scrambled to cover her notes with part of the blanket before the dog could reach her. Not fair behind the dog was a man chasing after it, one arm in a sling. 

A leash dangled off the dog’s collar and Callie made a grab for it. 

The man came to a stop in front of her. “I am so, so sorry.” 

Callie stood to her feet, careful not to let go of the leash. The dog tugged at it, its tail wagging happily. “It’s okay. No harm done.” 

“He’s my mother-in-law’s and I don’t think she ever trained him. He’s sweet but stupid. And I’m not exactly 100%,” the man said with a smile that brought out his dimples. Of course, he was married. Callie never had very good luck, so of course, the handsome man with the runaway dog would be married. “And my wife’s got her hands full with our twins. They’re only a few months old, but gotta meet Grandma, ya know? And we’re trying to make the most of my time off with this,” he said, gesturing towards his arm in the sling. “And I’m rambling, sorry about that. I should let you get back to your studying.” 

“Honestly, this was probably a sign I should take a break,” she said with a laugh, scratching Duke’s ears. “I’m pretty sure med school’s trying to kill me.” 

“Oh, you’re in med school?” the man asked, his eyes drifting down to her pile of textbooks. “My sister just finished her, I think, internship at Johns Hopkins. She’s a surgeon. From what she said, med school’s brutal.” 

“That’s a fair description.” Callie passed the leash back to the man. “Hope he starts behaving better for you.” 

“Here’s hoping,” the man replied, “best of luck with the whole med school thing. If you’re as good at being a doctor as you are at catching runaway dogs, I’m sure you’ll be great.” He grinned at her and wow, those really were great dimples. 

“Oh, thank God, you caught Duke,” a woman said, slightly out of breath as she pushed a large stroller. “Mom would’ve killed me.” 

“Well, I didn’t, uh, sorry I don’t think I caught your name?” 

“Callie,” she supplied. 

“Callie caught Duke. She’s gonna be a doctor like Zo.” 

The woman smiled kindly at Callie. “I hope Duke didn’t disturb you too much. He’s a moron.” 

Callie waved a hand. “No, no, it’s totally fine.” She smiled at the couple. Even as total strangers, just from the way they moved around each other, she could tell they were soulmates. 

One of the baby’s burst into tears, his little face scrunched up. 

“Sorry, thank you again, Callie. We better get going. Charlie is very particular about his meal times. Tim, could you give me a hand with the stroller?” 

Callie settled back down on her blanket, watching the little family leave out of the corner of her eye. She wanted that. The soulmate and the kids and even the goofy dog. She wanted a family and someone to share things with. Not that any of that was imminent, but a girl can dream, right? 

1 May 2003

Baltimore, Maryland

“Robbins, what the hell were you thinking?” 

“Sir, I-” 

“No, I don’t want excuses. Now you get to go and tell that woman that her husband, her soulmate is no longer alive because of a stupid mistake you made!” 

“Dr Bernard, I-” 

“No more excuses, Robbins. I thought you were better than this. You’re supposed to be better than this…. Are you crying, Robbins? You need to grow a pair if you’re going to make it. Or maybe you’re better off in OB or something less stressful for your delicate sensibilities.” 

9 March 2004

Miami, Florida 

A loud beeping invaded Callie’s half-conscious state. She shot up, narrowly avoiding knocking her coffee into her lap. 

“‘s mine,” grumbled a fellow intern at another table as she stomped away. Callie felt only a brief flash of pity. She had been on call for going on 40 hours now and all she felt was numb. 

She didn’t even know how many cups of coffee she had had at this point. It didn’t even taste like anything anymore. All day, she had run around for her resident, while also trying to get in on a knee reconstruction. 

“Mind if I sit here?” 

Callie looked dazedly up at the man before her. He looked far too awake and alert. She was jealous. 

“Um, yeah, go for it.” 

“Thanks, this place is packed.” 

“You’re telling me.” 

The man chuckled. “So you’re a doctor here?” 

“Surgeon, actually.” 

“Sounds intense.” 

“Yep.” Callie straightened in her seat, trying to at least not seem like a total disaster who had slept at the hospital for the past three nights and hadn’t managed to brush her hair in about as long. “So what brings you here? Or do you just really like the coffee here?” 

The man regarded his cup of coffee for a moment before saying, “You know, I’m not entirely convinced this isn’t poison and you give it to people to make sure they have to come back here all the time.” 

“Oh yeah, it’s basically toxic waste I think.” 

“But, nah, I’m waiting for my buddy. He busted up his face last night. I think he broke his nose.” 

Callie managed a smile. “Wow, hitting the club scene? You don’t really strike me as the type.” 

“More like he’s a moron who tripped on a rug in the middle of the night and didn’t think the bleeding was concerning.” Callie nodded along. “So now I get to drink terrible coffee while he gets his nose fixed. You’d think for a catcher he’d have better reflexes.” 

“Oh, are you a baseball player?” 

The man reached a hand across the table. “Hank-” A loud commotion on the other side of the cafe cut off the rest of his name. 

“Nice to meet you.” Only later would she realize she never told him her name, but to be fair, her name was stitched on her jacket. 

His eyes lingered on her outstretched hand. A series of borderline incoherent numbers had appeared sometime while she had been dozing. In a fit of self-consciousness, Callie tucked her hand back into her lap. 

“Sorry, don’t mean to stare.” 

“Oh, um, it’s fine.” 

“Do you know him?” 

“No, not yet. You?” 

A sad sort of smile crossed the man’s - Hank’s face. “Not now, not ever I think.” 

“Oh.” Callie picked at the edge of her coffee cup. 

“She asked me not to reach out anymore. It’s been, hm, nearly 3 years now. I sometimes get a small something from her, but I try not to. It’s the least I can do.” He stared at his own hands, both free of any marks. Then he shrugged. “Ah, well, I just hope she’s happy wherever she is.” 

Callie’s heart twisted painfully in her chest. She couldn’t help but think of a conversation she had once had with her father. Had he told his own soulmate the same thing? To not contact him? It seemed cruel. What if her soulmate left a message for her like that some day? There was that night nearly 10 years ago when she had called and a woman answered the phone. What if her soulmate was still with that girl? What if they were married with kids? She was probably perfect and blonde and perky; or at least, she had sounded kind of perky on the phone. Basically, everything Callie wasn’t. What guy in his right mind would choose her over this imaginary, perfect, beautiful blonde woman? 

Hank opened his mouth to say something, but Callie’s pager went off. 

“Ah, I’m sorry. I gotta run. I hope your friend is alright.” 

5 May 2005

Baltimore, Maryland 

Arizona tapped her pen against the edge of her charts, casting a furtive glance to the pin board where the chief would theoretically announce who was chief resident. Where the chief would announce she was chief resident. 

No one worked harder than her. No one put in more hours. Both in surgery and in research. She didn’t fail. She was the top of her class. Period. Her interns were the best in their class. Because of her. She was the one who trained them. She molded them into competent, skilled baby surgeons. 

She was the logical choice for chief resident and now it was just a matter of waiting for the chief to announce it. 

“Robbins.” 

“Kovic.” 

“I’m so glad you’re going to be here to see me get chief resident.” 

Arizona laughed, high and fake. “You’re seriously delusional, Kovic.” 

“They’re not going to pick you. You’re peds. A glorified babysitter. It’s always the most promising cardio resident. Maybe a neuro resident. But it’s not going to be peds.” 

Arizona rolled her eyes. “You’d think McConnell would’ve tapped you for today’s heart transplant then. If you’re the most promising cardio resident.” 

“You stole that chart and you know it.” He jabbed a finger at the chart under Arizona’s hand. 

Arizona shrugged, twirling her pen between her fingers. “If you got here at 4:30, instead of 6:00, maybe you wouldn’t be stuck doing sutures in the ER like an intern. Then again, my interns do better sutures than you. So clearly you need the practice.” 

“You’re such a bitch, Robbins.” 

“Takes one to know one, Kovic,” she said with a shrug. “Talk to me when the attendings actually trust you to do anything. Everyone saw McCale throw you off that case last week. Something about, what was it, improper patient care?” Arizona grinned as Kovic narrowed his eyes. “Didn’t you make the patient’s mom cry?” 

“At least I’ve never cried in front of an attending. Are you gonna cry when you’re not chief resident?” 

“I’m sure you’re going to cry when I am chief resident.” 

Arizona glanced away from Kovic as Collier stepped in front of the bulletin board. He turned to face them, a wry smile on his face. “Robbins, Kovic.” 

Kovic practically elbowed her on their way, but Arizona could almost guarantee there weren’t playground fights at his fancy boarding school. 

And there it was. 

Chief Resident: Dr Arizona Robbins

“Dr Collier!” Kovic spun on his heel, chasing after the chief. “Dr Collier-” 

“Yes, Kovic? Is there something you need?” 

“Why Robbins? She’s, she’s-” 

“I didn’t realize I had to justify my choices to you, Kovic.” 

“You, you, uh, I…” 

Arizona stepped in front of Kovic and his stammering, offering a hand to Collier. “I promise you haven’t made a mistake, Chief. I look forward to the challenge, sir.” 

Collier looked more amused than anything as he shook her hand. “I look forward to working more closely with you, Robbins. I’ve been impressed with your work. And McCale says you’re amongst the top candidates in the country for our peds fellowship next year.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“I’m sure we’d be lucky to have you. McCale will keep me apprised of the situation. And before the end of the month, schedule a meeting with my assistant so we can go over my expectations of my chief resident.” 

“Yes, sir, of course.” 

Kovic grumbled something about brownnosing as Collier walked away, but quite frankly, Arizona really didn’t give a crap what he thought. 

15 May 2005

Miami, Florida 

“Torres, it’s a shame we’re losing you.” Callie shifted uncomfortably in her seat as the chief stared her down. “St Mary’s is losing one of its most promising residents.” 

Callie wasn’t sure if the chief really thought she was promising or if he was just mourning the loss of her father’s checkbook. She felt confident in this decision to leave Miami. To leave the nest, so to say. 

And she really liked orthopedics. And Seattle was conveniently on the clear opposite side of the country and had a strong residency program. 

She was making the right choice. 

“I’ve really enjoyed my time here. St Mary’s has taught me so much.” Callie twisted her hands in her lap. 

“I hope you won’t forget about us once you finish your residency. We could always use more surgeons here.” 

Callie bit her tongue. She knew she probably wouldn’t ever come back to Miami permanently. She just needed to not be Callie Torres, yes, like those Torreses. She wanted to be anonymous and regular. Seattle could give her that. Seattle could give her a fresh start. 

17 October 2005

Alexandria, Virginia

Arizona tugged on the hem of her black dress, mindful not to catch her nylons and tear them. She had been standing on her parents’ porch for at least five minutes, trying to light a cigarette, but instead had just tapped it against the railing until it was half crushed. Grimacing to herself, she tossed it into the ashtray her dad kept out there, landing on the already impressive heap they had smoked over the past few days. 

Her parents’ house was filled with an impressive number of high ranking officers and Tim’s buddies and a random assortment of Jane’s friends. Jane couldn’t bear to have the wake in her and Tim’s house, not where she raised their children. 

“Arizona.” 

“No, I’m not doing this right now. Not with you. Not ever.” Arizona ground her back teeth in an effort to stop herself from saying something vicious. She resolutely stared at the back fence, at the loose bit of fence that Tim was supposed to help her dad with. 

“Jane said you’re doing well. You always said you were going to become a surgeon.” A warm hand brushed against her arm, causing Arizona to violently recoil. “Arizona, c’mon.” 

Arizona spun around, just barely managing to hold her tears at bay. All she had been doing for the past week was crying. “Joanne, we are at my brother’s wake. We have nothing to say to each other. It has been over ten years. I’m over it.” 

“I shouldn’t… It was cruel what I did. But, Arizona, she is my soulmate. Are you really telling me you wouldn’t have done the same thing?” 

“I cannot believe you. I was in love with you. And you left me a fucking note before moving to-” 

“Aun’e Z?” 

Arizona hurriedly wiped away any stray tears before turning to face her niece, who had toddled out onto the porch. “Hey, Zoe, what’s up, baby girl?” 

Zoe grabbed her around the knees. “Dada gone?” 

Arizona swallowed back a sob as she dropped to a knee in front of Zoe. “Zoe-girl, it’s okay. It’s okay,” She was supposed to be good at this. She had informed countless people that they wouldn’t hear their wife tell them she loved them one more time, that a father had kissed his son for the last time, that a child was never going to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. But she couldn’t find any words, not to explain to her niece that she’d never really know her father. 

“Dada come here?” 

In place of any words, Arizona gathered Zoe into her arms, carefully standing to her feet. Joanne reached out to help steady her, but thought better of it as Arizona glared over Zoe’s head. She rocked Zoe back and forth, gently brushing her fingers through Zoe’s nearly-white blonde hair. 

“Pops looks funny,” Zoe mumbled into her hair, her tiny hands tight on the back of Arizona’s dress. 

Arizona shifted slightly to see her father in his full dress uniform standing at attention, unwilling to speak to anyone. He had barely spoken a word since they watched Tim’s body being unloaded. The most she had heard him say was a drunken ramble the previous day when he had downed half a bottle of gin just to look at his uniform. Her mother was nearly catatonic, so Arizona had sat with him and straightened his medals, just like she used to when she was little. 

“Mhm. He’s very fancy.” 

“Arizona-” 

“Joanne, we have been done for years. I appreciate you being here for Jane, but that’s all. Stay away from me,” she fought to keep her voice level and absent of any malice Zoe may pick up on. “Zoe, why don’t we go find your brother and get some snacks?” 

“‘nacks?” 

“I have it on good authority that Nana has some Oreos in the kitchen,” she whispered. 

Zoe’s eyes lit up and she looked far too much like Tim. “‘Reos?” She clapped her hands in excitement. 

“I thought you’d like that, Zoe. Let’s go find Charlie.” 

Arizona and Zoe were halfway to the door when Joanne called, “You’re good with them. You’d be a good mom, Arizona.” Arizona didn’t dignify that with a response. Where did Joanne get off, showing up to Tim’s wake, acting like that? 

Zoe’s twin was easy enough to find, climbing over Nick as Nick tried to talk with his commanding officer. Nick stood stiffly, one arm in a sling, a large bandage stretching across his jaw. 

“Tuscon,” Nick greeted, letting Charlie dangle off his good arm. “And Miss Zoe. Sir, I don’t know if you met Arizona, Tim’s little sister.” 

“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Arizona nodded along, grateful for Zoe’s presence in her arms. “My deepest condolences to you and your family. He was a… he was honorable to the end.” 

“Thank you,” she said, her tone clipped. She blinked away a few tears, turning slightly to Nick and Charlie. “Hey Charlie, Zoe and I were gonna go find some Oreos, you wanna come with?” 

“Yes!” Charlie dropped off of Nick, scrambling to Arizona’s side. Arizona shifted Zoe to rest more solidly on her hip so Charlie could hold her hand. “Le’s go!” 

“Arizona,” Nick started and his use of her actual name was enough for her to pause. “You won’t even look me in the eye right now.” 

“Nick, please, not now. I just… I can’t.” 

Nick, thankfully, backed off, nodding shortly. “You two be good for your aunt, otherwise I’ll have to come eat all the Oreos and there won’t be any for you.” He tickled Zoe’s side, drawing out a giggle from the little girl, who promptly buried her face in Arizona’s neck. 

“No, Unca Nick, you can’t,” protested Charlie from Arizona’s knee. “We’re good.” He aggressively swung his arm with Arizona’s hand. 

“C’mon, guys.” 

Arizona cast a wary gaze through the living room as the trio cut across the room. Joanne had returned to Jane’s side, holding her tight as Jane cried quietly. Her mother just stared blankly forward next to Jane, each clutching tightly to the other’s hand. And her father, well, looked like he found the gin again. 

Arizona shook her head. She could take care of the kids. She could do that much. She couldn’t make her father stop drinking or help Jane or her mother much. She couldn’t look at Nick and not have some selfish part of her hate him for coming back instead of Tim. But she could look after Zoe and Charlie. 

As she settled the twins at the table with some Oreos and colouring books, she let some of her mask fall away. She sagged against the counter, scrubbing a hand over her face. 

Tim was gone. 

He wouldn’t watch his kids grow up. He wouldn’t dance at her wedding. He’d never make Jane laugh with a bad joke. He wouldn’t sit and talk with their dad about the Capitals. He wouldn’t bake the Christmas cookies with their mom. Tim was dead. 

“Aun’e Z, wanna a ‘reo?” Charlie held up one from his small stack, the evidence of the others on his face. 

“Thanks, Charlie.” 

“Welcome.” He grinned up at her, two familiar dimples popping. Except for his eyes, which were clearly Jane’s, Charlie looked just like Tim had at that age. “Zoe, split it?” He peeled apart his last Oreo, offering half to his sister. 

Arizona’s hands gripped tight to the counter in an effort to hold her up. 

“Hey, Zoie, split it?” 

She shuddered at the memory of her brother, offering an Oreo, or an ice cream carton, or even a bottle of whiskey after the whole Joanne debacle. 

Her brother had died because there weren’t any doctors. That’s what Nick had said. He was losing too much blood and they had to prioritize. The logical, doctor part of her brain grappled with the emotional part of her. She had been in the middle of traumas in the ER and she understood prioritizing. But how was Tim not a priority? 

Not enough doctors. She was a doctor. Could she do what Tim did? She was a Robbins after all. She was nearly through her residency, but she was specialized in peds, not trauma. But there was trauma involved in peds. She had patched up far too many gunshot wounds on children. She could do it. 

“Thank you, Arizona.” 

She snapped back to reality to find Jane leaning against the kitchen door, her face blotchy from tears. 

“They shouldn’t have to sit through that.” 

“Do you think they’ll be okay?” Jane ran a hand across her daughter’s head, Zoe not even looking up from her colouring. 

Arizona shrugged. “Kids are resilient. My dad, I mean, his dad… you know,” Arizona shrugged again, unable to articulate anything more. 

“Yeah,” Jane sighed. “I’m sorry about Joanne.” 

“It’s been a long time. I don’t care anymore.” 

“Yeah,” Jane echoed, her gaze fixed on her children. “I told her to leave you alone. Your dad and his buddies are trashed.” 

“Hair of the dog I suppose.” 

“I wish it was that easy.” Jane joined her at the counter, leaning back against it as if she couldn’t bear to hold up her own weight anymore. “I just… I still can’t believe it,” Jane sobbed, her voice cracking. 

“Mama sad?” Zoe asked, her mother’s distress distracting her from her drawing. 

Jane waved her away. “I’m… I’m fine, Zoe.” 

Arizona pulled her into a hug, taking the majority of Jane’s weight. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” 

“He’s gone.” 

“I know. I know.” Arizona stared up at the ceiling, willing herself not to cry. 

“How am I… I don’t know if I can do this without him. It’s like a piece of me is missing. Like someone tore out my heart. I can still feel… feel when I felt him let go,” Jane whispered. “He tried so hard to stay.” 

“I know. He would’ve if he could’ve, if there were enough doctors.” She ran a hand up and down Jane’s back slowly. 

Jane pulled back sharply, her eyes narrowed even as tears fell. “What did you do?” 

Arizona leaned back at Jane’s sharp tone. “What? I didn’t do anything.” 

“You and… and Tim have, had the same expression and tone of voice when you were up to something.” 

“I haven’t done anything.” 

“That implies that you might do something.” Jane jabbed at her shoulder. “Tell me. Now. Arizona.” 

Arizona sighed, rubbing at her shoulder. “There aren’t enough doctors over there. I’m a doctor. I mean, there’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’, but whatever, it’s better than before. And I’m nearly finished-” 

“Yes, you’re nearly finished so you can save children, Arizona.” 

“Surgery is surgery, Jane.” Arizona squirmed under her brother’s widow’s gaze. “It was just a thought.” 

“Well, it was a stupid thought. And you won’t be thinking that anymore.” 

“Would-” 

“Arizona Robbins, you shut up,” snapped Jane, still mindful to keep her voice low so as not to disturb the twins. “I swear to God, if you join the Army, I will kill you myself. Do not mess with me right now. I have already lost your brother. You will not do something idiotic like join the freakin’ Army. And I am including all branches of the military in that, so don’t try to get cute. You’re all the kids and I have left of him. You were there when we met. You were the reason we met. I want Charlie and Zoe to know as much of him as possible and you can’t show them if you, if you die over there too. So no, you don’t get to run off and do something stupid. You’re going to stay in Baltimore and finish your residency and then do your fellowship and save children. If not for me and the kids, do it for your parents. Are you really going to go out and tell your mother that you’re going to go and be a trauma surgeon? Really? Or your dad, who’s about one day away from developing a serious drinking problem?” 

“Jane, I wasn’t-” 

“Oh, you’re still talking.” Jane muttered something under her breath about “freakin’ Robbinses.” Jane grabbed her arm, turning her palm up where there was a grocery list scrawled across it. “Do it for this girl, who’s out there somewhere waiting for you. So she doesn’t have to feel like this. Tim would kill you if you did this. Go and save kids. Honour his memory that way.” 

“Jane, really, I wasn’t going to do anything. It really was just a thought.” 

Jane nodded, her eyes filling with tears again. “Okay, so no more thinking for you.” She pulled Arizona into a bone-crushing hug. “It felt really good to yell at someone. I almost yelled at your dad earlier.” 

“Seriously?” 

“If I hear the phrase ‘good man in a storm’, I’m seriously gonna lose it.” 

Arizona managed a wet laugh. “That was a pretty good speech. Even if you did threaten to kick my ass a few times.” 

“I learned from the best.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he was good at that.” Arizona choked back tears as she and Jane clung to each other. 

“It still hurts, Arizona,” Jane murmured into Arizona’s hair. “I keep looking down, expecting to see something from him. And then it feels like somebody tore my heart out of my chest.” 

“I know. I know. I can’t even imagine.” Arizona swallowed back the tears that threatened to spill. She struggled to find any words. How could she even begin to relate to the pain Jane was enduring? 

“Mama cwy?” Charlie asked, half an oreo muffling his words. Jane let out a choked sob, her fingers curling tighter into Arizona’s shoulder. “Mama sad?” With a crash of his chair, Charlie toddled over to his mother. “‘reo?” 

The little boy offered up a cookie, his blue eyes and his crooked smile nearly identical to Tim’s. 

“Th-thank you, Charlie. Why don’t you and Zoe work on a picture for Nana? I’m sure she’d love that.” Once Charlie had clambered back to the table, explaining excitedly to his sister what they were doing, Jane’s face fell again. “God, I’m pathetic. I can’t even look at my son without crying.” 

“You aren’t, really, Jane. You’re so strong. Tim… Tim would be proud.” 

“I just want him here.” 

“I know… I know… me too.” 

30 October 2005

Seattle, Washington

Callie bit back a curse as she nearly fumbled her coffee. A sharp, fleeting pain burned along the inside of her wrist. Sidestepping an intern running at a full tilt, Callie headed towards the residents’ lounge. 

Her soulmate had been quiet for the past few weeks. Normally, there was always a running list of reminders that never seemed to last more than a few hours before they were scrubbed off.  

The lounge was blessedly empty. Callie hadn’t exactly made any friends in the few months she had been in Seattle. All she did was sleep and work. And occasionally go out and drink. She did that too. 

Casting a furtive glance around the room, she slipped off her jacket after setting her coffee down. Rain dripped off her jacket and for a moment, she missed the warmth of Miami. Nope, this was important. She needed to escape her father’s ever expanding influence. He had given so much money to her old hospital, to the point, that the chief started going out of his way to check in on her as a favour for her father. 

This was better. A fresh start. Even if the rain was annoying at times. 

With a quick tug, she revealed the bare skin of her wrist. Or what used to be bare. Now, in neat, albeit unfamiliar letters, it read Goonies never say die, TR . 

“Seriously?” Callie hissed. She considered for a moment, writing back, because honestly what was that about? And TR? She’d never asked for a name. She had wanted to do things the old fashioned, more traditional way, but a few times, he had signed with an A. And the handwriting was so different. But there was also that time when she’d called the number years ago and that girl had been talking to a Tony. Maybe his name was Anthony? And that girl had been calling him Tony? 

Any further musing was cut off by the sound of her pager.