Chapter Text
“Shit.”
Tara sighed in frustration as she slowly lowered her pencil to witness her canvas being ruined by some spillage of her paint. When she decided to take up an art class, she hadn't thought it would be this difficult. Her peers definitely outshone her in every aspect but sketching. Which was the main reason why she even took these classes in the first place.
“You dumbass…” she whispered to herself as she watched the glob of black paint drip down the middle of her painting.
“Hey, what’s up?”
Tara recognized the familiar sound of that voice, much to her dismay. To even think she could be more annoyed than how she was with her own clumsiness…
“Hey Wes…” She looked up, giving the boy a small smile.
It wasn’t as if she despised the blonde boy. They’d even gone on a few dates these past weeks, one of them being a mini-golf date that happened just yesterday. It was fun, in her opinion, but she wasn't so sure about the whole ordeal of dating the boy. Wes was a nice guy, and Tara felt really comfortable around him and his mother as well. Maybe it was just her sour teenager mood that stopped her from actually committing to a relationship with him.
He motioned towards her ruined canvas, “I assume that ink spillage was on purpose? Or I hope so at least...”
Tara scoffed. “Not really. I just feel pretty off lately. Like, I’m extra clumsy and I don't know why.”
Wes nodded slowly at her, blinking somewhat while holding his sight on her. It was often that he just gazed silently at her, and Tara didn't exactly know if it was adorable or annoying to her. “Well… I just came by to say, that yesterday was really fun.”
“Yeah you already mentioned that,” Tara replied a bit too snarky. She couldn't help it, her sassy side just came out sometimes. She quickly corrected herself, “I mean, I enjoyed it as well. But I don't think we’re allowed back again after you jumped into their fountain.”
“Oh, yeah definitely,” He chuckled at her.
There was a moment of silence between them. Tara awkwardly averted her gaze. Sometimes it felt just so… stale, when they were together. Usually their chemistry was fine whenever they were hanging out with their group of friends, which was the main reason why she ought to give him a chance. She was painfully aware of this everlasting crush he’d had on her and well, she’s always been single so why not.
“Uhm, so, I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight. Mom’s on her night shift and I wanted to cook you dinner and stuff.”
Wes was eyeing her with hopefulness. Unconsciously it made her squirm a bit, but nevertheless she answered, “Yeah that sounds cool.”
“Okay, cool, yeah,” He responded, clasping his hands together. “So, 7PM?”
Tara nodded with a slight smile on her face. “I’ll be there.”
Wes made a small movement of acknowledgement as he turned on his heels to make his way back into the school building. Tara let her eyes linger on his department and then sighed in exasperation.
She wasn't lying when she said something felt pretty off about her. There was this pressure on her mind, or body so to speak. Maybe it was exhaustion caused by school, or maybe it was the pressure she felt on not fucking anything up with Wes. It would make the atmosphere awkward within the group if she did.
Tara glanced down at the canvas laying uselessly on the picnic table. “Guess painting isn't for me.” She hopped off the table and gathered her stuff as she tossed the painting in the nearest trashcan.
-
English literature was fun, somewhat. Tara liked to think she was quite educated in the English language and its greatest writers. However, their teacher was kind of a bore. Some middle aged man that she thought was half deaf, since Mindy had been obnoxiously whispering at her from behind her seat.
“Carpenter!” The vibrant girl hissed when Tara had humorously ignored her previous attempts. Tara slowly turned around to quirk an eyebrow at her. So, Mindy continued, “What are you doing this weekend?”
“Nothing really,” She hummed.
“Great! Cus, there’s this new girl that’s throwing a welcome party next Saturday and the entire school is coming. Which means, you have no choice but to say yes.”
Tara cringed inwardly. She didn't hate hate parties… but she definitely was craving for some relaxation. “Uhm, whose party is it exactly?”
“Oh this new rich girl from New York. My cousin went to school with her, so she sent me some screens of her Insta and I promise you,” Mindy leaned closer to Tara, “She’s like the real deal.”
“What? Is she like famous?”
Mindy giggled at her innocent remark. “No, you dork. She’s like hella hot.”
“You think every girl is hot,” Tara smirked back.
“And that’s totally justifiable?” Mindy jokely acted offended at Tara’s response. “Anyways, we are all going. So you really don't have a choice.”
Tara rolled her eyes. Why did she befriend such extroverted people? “I don't know Mindy. I feel so tired lately and Wes also wants to do stuff this week…”
“Oh?” Mindy quirped slyly. “What does this ‘stuff’ entail?”
“God, nothing what you're thinking of right now! We’re not even officially dating or anything..”
“Still? I thought this would go way quicker since you’ve been friends for so long already,” Mindy said as she sat back on her seat. “Is something off?”
Tara contemplated it shortly. Was there? She wasn't so sure. “No, it’s just me. He hasn't really asked either. So I guess we’re just taking it slow, but its going fine.”
“Glad to hear that,” Mindy said as she gave Tara a comforting smile. “You deserve it, after everything, you know?”
Tara nodded uneasily in agreement. It had been an eventful year so far. She surely picked the shortest straw when it came to her family. Their family situation was like a twisted mess of wires and traumatic events. And Tara always found herself in the middle of it. Always the peacemaker and always the unluckiest out of them all. This time though, it really took a toll on her mental health.
“He does care a lot. Which is nice, for a change.”
Mindy agreed, “Wes is a nerd, but he’s awesome as well. Like, he dared to throw a party in his house. The sheriff’s house! I woulda been dead.”
“Well, Mrs. Hicks definitely lectured him about it.” Tara chuckled at the memory of when his mom walked into the house while the two of them were busy cleaning up the mess of the aftermath of the party. It had been hilarious to watch how his mother tried to be angry with him, but actually being lowkey proud that he had managed to have so many friends.
“Well, this party on Saturday is in that big lonesome house in the middle of nowhere. So, Chad and I can pick you up, if you want.”
“Thanks,” Tara smiled, “I guess you have convinced me.”
“I mean, look who you’re talking to. I’m like the goddess of luring people in.” Mindy proudly crossed her arms together and put on a cocky smile.
“Hmm, so that’s why you're single,” Tara bit back, only to get hit by a pen thrown by the twin sister.
“Maybe that’s how it is for now. But sheesh, this new girl? She’s gonna be the talk of the town. I might even have a try at her.”
“I like this confident side of you,” Tara replied, “But you can't assume she’s single if she’s that hot.”
Mindy’s face fell immediately, “Wait, you’re right. I didn't even think of that at all. I was mostly relying on my gaydar to even think of a chance.”
Tara giggled at her friend’s antics. It was always like this with Mindy; Liking straight girls, or liking girls that were already in a relationship. Truly tragic.
“But you think your gaydar is working right?” Tara said to try and fill Mindy with hope again.
“Oh definitely. If she’s not into girls, I will literally kiss Liv on the lips.”
Tara laughed at Mindy’s desperate expression. “Okay, so you’re a hundred percent sure. Cause there’s no way you’d ever do that.”
“Correct,” Mindy responded promptly. The two stared at each other for a while before Mindy straightened her posture and talked further in a more serious tone, “I’m not kidding Tara. This girl is like, ‘you’ll turn gay for her’ hot. Like, ‘your gay realization’ hot.”
“Okay… I'm not sure what to expect now.”
Mindy scoffed, “Are you implying I have bad taste in women?”
“Hmm, so you’re defending yourself that that girl from history class was not a huge mistake?” Tara playfully replied. That entire situationship was a huge mess and ended up in some psychotic breakdown from said girl, leaving both Mindy and Tara in shock at witnessing such an explosion in front of them.
“A misjudgment!” Mindy hissed, and put her book up as a cue to end the embarrassing conversation.
Tara turned back around and thought back on how Chad and Liv used to annoy Mindy with what happened with that crazy girl. Eventhough it sucked for Mindy, it was kind of funny to the rest of them. It was probably her karma for constantly pestering Chad and Liv about their relationship.
Tara was wondering who this mystery girl was. Mindy mentioned that this was her welcoming party, so that’d mean she just transferred. But why would anyone transfer so randomly in the middle of the year? So close to final exams as well. Maybe Tara shared a class with her and she just didn't notice a new person. To be fair, she was kind of out of it lately, so it wasn't entirely impossible. She felt somewhat uncomfortable with crashing a stranger’s party, but then again, everyone is probably a stranger to this new girl as well.
The sharp ringing of the bell woke her from her daydreaming.
“See you tomorrow Carpenter!” Mindy gave her a slap on the shoulder and raced out of the room, leaving a flustered Tara behind.
She quickly grabbed her phone to read the text Sam had sent her and that she was waiting outside already. Better not make her wait or she’ll get extra cranky, Tara thought.
-
The following evening went as expected; Wes and her had a nice meal and were currently watching some lame horror movie on his laptop in his room. Tara could vaguely remember Sam yell some warning at her as she dropped her off at Wes’ house, “No funny business, Tara!”
To be fair, Tara wasn't thinking of that at all. She was currently way too focused on this weird pressuring feeling that was pooling inside of her. It wasn't nausea, or a headache. She was sure of that, but she knew something felt off too. Not that she was actively trying to do anything about it. Her and Wes had been making out for the last 10 minutes or so, the loudness of the movie fading into the background. For the first time in their short lived romance, she felt Wes sneak a hand up her shirt.
“Is this okay?” Wes slowly asked in between the kisses.
Tara felt out of breath, so she just responded by nodding slightly.
It spurred Wes on to continue his ministrations. Honestly, everything was awfully numb to her, so she didn't care really if this was how her first was gonna go down. It was all taboo to her anyways. She could still hear Sam’s words somewhere faraway, all neglected at the moment. Maybe it was Tara’s rebellious side, where she was trying to piss Sam off as much as she could without actually crossing boundaries.
She could feel the cool air against her naked skin, as she was slowly taking in the whole situation. Suddenly the touches of Wes felt extremely hot against her skin, and as he lowered himself onto her she felt her lungs fail.
In a fit to try and breathe again, she hastily threw Wes off of her as she jumped up. Her mind went blank and there was a drilling buzz inside her ears.
“Hey, hey hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?” Wes was speaking to her somewhere in the distance, but Tara was completely occupied by her blind panic.
Her hands were able to gather her shirt and she pulled it over her head. Next she just reached for her backpack, almost falling off the bed in the process.
“Wait,” Wes reached down for her instead and found the small item Tara was desperately trying to grab. “Here.”
Tara used her inhaler immediately, hoping it would get rid of the panicky explosion inside her head. She could feel her breath again, slowly but surely. However, the pressure inside of her didn't fade at all.
“I'm so sorry,” Tara slowly stuttered, “I have to go.”
Wes just stared dumbly at her, probably shocked at what was happening. If Tara wasn't in such a frenzy, she would've laughed at the boy in his boxers rocking a tent in them watching her with wide blue eyes. “Yeah, sure.”
Tara wanted to avoid any more embarrassing interactions, so she just quickly yanked her pants as she fled the boy’s room. Half stumbling down the stairs trying to pull her pants up, she unlocked her phone and pressed the speed dial.
“Tara?”
“Sam I need you to pick me up now, please.”
“What's wrong? Did he do something to you? I swear, I will-”
“No! He didn't do shit. I just… I had a panic attack or something and now I feel all weird.”
“Was it your asthma?”
“Uhm, maybe. But it felt different this time.”
“Okay, I don't need to hear anything else. I'm on my way.”
Sam hung up immediately after. Tara was already outside, deciding to sit on the porch out front. It was already dark, supposedly chill as well, but after that fiasco her skin felt as if it were on fire. It was embarrassing to freak out like that in front of her maybe-soon-to-be-boyfriend during what was supposed to lead up to their first time together. She wanted so badly to crawl into a hole and die, or rather, shoot herself or something. At least that was quick. She exhaled roughly, trying to process that mess from just now.
“God, I’m like Mindy’s crazy history chick.”