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The first time Regina sees a dead body is during her time at Elysium Academy. The misfortune following her like a living ghost has never missed its chance at adding more misery to her life.
The deafening rip as the canvas body bag ripped into two was followed by the soft thud of a corpse hitting the ground.
As Regina looks at the body of the girl with the missing left arm and leg, she tries not to focus on the gore of the exposed bone and shredded tissues. The area where the residual limbs end is jagged and irregular; looking like something of significant size has just bit down and tore off what it could. Numerous gouges over the torso reveal the brilliant white of ribs. Her orange hair streaked with red is messily clumped together with dried blood. Overall, she looks surprisingly small with half her appendages gone.
The din of the screams and shouts of students startled by this dead body lying on the ground comes back as Regina begins to lose her focus. The ones carrying the body bags are standing there shocked, unable to decide what to do. Must be some poor students "volunteered" into the task by overworked staff. She can hear them say, "Hurry up and get another body bag! Or at least something to cover her with." before they both dart away. She's left alone again.
Regina notices in the clenched fist of the intact arm something that shines and glimmers. She gingerly pries open the girl’s hands and retrieves a tarnished silver locket. It doesn’t look like something the girl on the ground would wear; it’s heart-shaped and the outside engraved with intricate patterns of eight pointed stars. The locket itself seems slightly damaged and it takes some finessing before it opens.
There’s a photo of another girl, her blonde hair that’s usually tied up high now let loose to flow down her back. Her gold eyes are soft and beguiling; she draws Regina’s gaze in a way she never did before. This couldn’t be the same cold and arrogant woman with her coiffed hair and angry eyes that she wants to bring to heel every day.
Even Magni Désirée can look like a human when faced with the woman she loves.
Who could believe that even someone like that could find love?
That very same girl who has stepped into the quad with books hugged closed to her chest, clearly in the process of heading back to the dormitory.
The girl who’s now throwing up onto the cobblestone while sobbing vigorously on the ground, curled as tight as she can as if trying to keep herself together.
Regina puts the locket in her pocket and walks past to her next class.
Désirée falls from her mind as campus life becomes packed with demands upon demands on her time. Sometimes in the back of her mind she wonders why she no longer sees those cold gold eyes on campus anymore, but it dissipates as soon as the thought is formed. Regina works hard to establish Tempus and she will change this world even if it involves wearing herself down.
She will never let anyone leave again.
It was yet another night spent together under the heated covers. Bare with nothing between them. These secret hours exist only for two of them.
“I heard you’re going on an expedition soon. Don’t be a dumbass and just tell them ‘No’. You know that you’re going to get killed babysitting a bunch of first years?” Désirée is playing with Alice’s little braid. The softness she puts into smoothing the braid belies the harshness of her words.
“I’ll be fine, I’m going to be the strongest gladiator in Elysium!” Alice hugs Désirée from her side, a warm balm to the coldness she feels from the drying sweat.
“Right, I’m not supposed to care that your muscles are taking all the nutrients meant for your brain?” Désirée rolls the other way to stare into the darkness. “Alice, don’t you remember that you’ve already told me your number one fear?”
“That I’m afraid of dying alone?” Désirée could feel the start of minute tremors in Alice’s hand. Despite this, she couldn’t promise Alice that she would be by her side when she died.
Alice smiles at her; her trembling now controlled. She squeezes Désirée’s hand. “Don’t worry, just wait for me!”
And so Alice died alone on that expedition. Mauled by a dragon. Her flesh returned torn to Désirée without the bright soul inhabiting it.
Désirée’s aware her strong points lie in the realm of her mind and not her physical strength. She’s been told various times: “this charm is your faculty, use it wisely.” But no matter how many times she weasels her way into a new guild, the glamour eventually fades and all that’s left is the bitter tang of an all-encompassing despair condensed in three words: It’s not right . She leaves them all behind without a second glance.
She hears the rumours about Regina almost immediately after she starts her new life on the streets. Désirée ignores it all until the day those rumours change to: “That Regina? She’s fucking crazy. Join her and you’re going to get killed.”
Her attempts to join Tempus are met with derision and insinuations that she had fucked her way into all the guilds she’s been with. Unperturbed, she continues to approach Regina.
She thinks she’s finally found it, that stubborn tiny ember still burning beneath the remains of the fire.
Regina’s father had once told her if she had been born a boy, they would have named him "Altare". A play on “Altair”, just as vicious and quick as an eagle hunting its prey. She’s not sure that being a “King Queen” is an improvement over a “King's Eagle” but she’s plenty certain that even as a girl, she’s just as vicious and quick to choke the life of her enemies.
Which is why the shadow that’s been loudly trailing her for the past twenty minutes is now at her mercy on the ground. Désirée’s right arm is pulled behind her back then placed into a wristlock. She has a knee on the centre of her back, preventing any attempts to get back up. The muzzle of her handgun sits heavy against Désirée’s temple.
“It’s you again.”
It’s their usual song and dance, it isn’t the first time that Désirée has trailed her on solo missions.
“I told you, us alchemists…can grant wishes. Even ones that…you think are far beyond…your grasp.” Désirée is clearly struggling to breathe, but when did mercy ever serve Regina well?
“And I’m the president of Elysium.” Regina mumbles as she releases Désirée’s arm and watches her crumple face-first into the dirt.
Regina walks on.
She’s not sure how Désirée managed to catch up but she savours the look of absolute panic that Désirée has when she realizes the state that Regina is in. The wolves have bitten through Regina’s armour and she’s bleeding profusely all over her tunic. She’s slightly woozy but it’s nothing she hasn’t experienced before, it too will pass.
“Are you stupid?” Désirée grabs by the shoulder and shoves a bottle of copium in her face.
“So, I should just be a coward like you? Running away at the first sign of trouble and let everyone else die?” Regina wrenches the bottle from Désirée’s grip. She bites down on the cork at the top of the bottle and spits it out onto the ground. She gulps the potion down and can feel its effects immediately. The pain soothed and bleeding staunched.
“Have you ever thought about the people you leave behind?” Désirée has an inscrutable look on her face. Regina might say it would look sad on a normal person but that’s not Désirée.
“I’m here so that people don’t get left behind.” Désirée already has a lot of what Regina wants. She’s beautiful, she’s charismatic and she can get the masses to move at her words. Regina can feel the jealousy deep inside festering. She knows they’ll never see eye to eye, so she doesn’t bother to try.
Which is how she thinks it should have ended, instead Regina’s not sure when Dez has become a constant fixture in her mind, and when dislike flipped into fondness.
After the incident with the wolves, Regina reluctantly let Dez into Tempus, realizing at the very least, the benefits of copium.
From there it was a war of attrition. They argued, got on each other’s nerves and Regina regretted for many days and nights the decision to let Dez in.
Except as the length of time spent together changed from days to weeks and then months, they found a way to coexist.
It was the late nights when Regina noticed that Dez had placed a blanket on her after she fell asleep on the sofa. The light squeeze of her hands when there was another close call with the Vanguard’s expeditions. How hard she works everyday and how it takes the weight off of Regina's shoulders. Other little gestures that make her feel comfortable and taken care of. It's like sitting near the hearth after spending a long, cold day outside and Regina thinks she doesn't ever want to let it go.
Even if she feels this way about Dez, she’s sure she's not Dez’s first choice. Dez spend nights with Betsy and Vesper instead, people sharing past experiences that she will never share with Dez. It's not like Regina spends all of her time with Dez either and it's unreasonable that she feels unsatisfied not being Dez's number one.
So why does it feel like it's never enough?
“Wake up Regina. Wake up.” The cool touch of Dez's bare hand on her face shocks her into wakefulness.
"Sorry, I must have fallen asleep." Disorientated, Regina looks around the room to try to figure out where she is.
"We were just talking about the logistics of fulfilling that request for next week. The one for killing two thousand slimes in the area?" Dez trails off and gets a contemplative look on her face. "I think I can figure out the rest, you just go back to your room and sleep."
"It's fine Dez, I know we still need to finish the paperwork for that request.” When Dez doesn’t budge, Regina gives her the softest and whiniest voice she can muster at her disposal, “Dez…”
“Fine. I’ll take half and you can do the other half.” Dez looks away and sets down a drink right at where Regina always works and sits herself down on the opposite end.
“I love you.” Regina whispers into the quiet room. She isn’t expecting a response and doesn’t get one.
It’s been a while since she’s gone on a three AM walk and she’s not too thrilled that she has to share it with numerous noisy people.
“Come on girl. Come and have some fun with us.” The man reeks of alcohol and smoke, spit threatening to hit her with how close he is to her.
“I’m not interested.” She can see two other men, similarly inebriated, at the edge of her periphery.
The man squints and studies her face silently.
“You’re that bitch that’s always hanging off of Magni.” He grins, as if trying to hold back laughter. “That whore used to be riding our dicks every night. Not only that, she loved sucking us off under the tables whenever she had free time. Maybe that’s why you’re keeping her around? She is really good with her mouth after all.” The man’s gaze turns even more lecherous,
“Ditch that bitch, we can show you heaven instead.”
It really isn’t Regina’s fault that there are three bodies on the ground in front of her with bullets to the back of their head. The fact they decided to run right in front as she was doing some target practice was no fault of her own. She nudges the bodies with her shoe and is satisfied with the lack of response.
“Just point at the heads and click.” She mutters into the cold night.
What she doesn’t anticipate are the consequences.
If Tempus has a glaring weak point it’s the lack of focus that sometimes happens when its members come together. A few loose lips, a couple of bribes and it was easy espionage. In fact, the fire itself wasn’t enough to damage anything in the guild hall but enough to pull the attention away from the infiltration happening at hand.
Shinri went first. Regina can already imagine the scene of how she must have pushed everyone else to safety while she tried to distract the assailants. The self-sacrificing nature of hers is something that no one can change.
The taste of bile is on the back of her throat as she passes the bodies littering the halls. It’s hard to see your closest guild mates bloodied and still but worse still is seeing them in succession.
Hakka and Flayon in a corner. It’s a small consolation that they didn't go alone.
Where’s Dez?
Regina’s not sure what she will do if there isn’t even one person left in this guild besides her. This guild and the people in it are her treasure and if it’s obliterated without a chance to restore it she thinks she might just snap. Hopeful, Regina keeps on walking towards the hidden cellar under the carpet of the meeting room. It was created for the sole purpose of hiding and regrouping in events like this. The creak of the wooden trap door seems to shock whoever was hiding as she can hear scampering below.
Regina jumps down to the bottom and lands on a man, the crunching sounds loud in the silence. She finds Dez in a corner. She’s covered in blood, holding Betsy in her lap while Vesper lays at her feet. Next to Vesper’s head is the gun that Regina had given to Dez on a whim a week ago; she assumed that Dez had just tossed it away.
“Betsy’s gone. Vesper too.” Dez is shivering but stands up to give her a tight hug. “But I shot him dead the way you taught me to, Alice.”
Alice?
It’s true that Regina taught Dez how to use a handgun.
“Dez, isn’t it kind of risky that you don’t have a weapon for long range? You have your syringe and your hands but that means you have to be at close range." Having returned from another request for culling monsters, Regina was busy cleaning and oiling her own gunblade. Dez doesn’t sound enthused but Regina decides to make a group activity.
“I’ll teach you how. There’s a nice spot in the woods where I go for target practice."
That afternoon was yet another precious memory. The floral smell of Dez as Regina stood behind her to correct her posture. The little giggle at her really bad joke. Everything was perfect yet transient.
She didn’t think that Dez would have even remembered it, that she was simply trying to humour her that day.
It’s all too late though. If Dez can’t even distinguish her from another woman in her past then everything was lost. She’ll just have to start all over, starting with her opening gambit.
Regina pushes Dez to the ground, uncaring of the painful yelp that Dez lets out as her head hits the ground.
She’s got both hands around Dez’s neck and can feel something hard around Dez’s neck. She pulls on the object, likely a necklace, to try to cut off Dez’s breath. The gold chain breaks, the heart-shaped locket falling to the ground. Unfazed, Regina resorts to using both her hands instead. When Regina can still hear the clear flow of air coming from Dez, she removes her hands and replaces it with her right forearm on the front of Dez’s neck. She continues by putting her whole body weight onto that forearm.
Dez is wheezing now. A strange song forms from the noises.
“Dez. Did you know that swans don’t actually sing when they die? They only sing when they’re courting." Regina readjusts herself when the sweat makes holding the position difficult. "Does this mean you actually love me?”
She can see the tears, the hands trying scratching and grabbing at her arms before she grabs Dez's right hand with her free left hand. She has their hands clasped so tight that all the skin is turning white and Regina can feel her fingers go numb and tingle.
"Shhhh…just let go Dez." She's got her lips on Dez's now. The kiss is chaste and fleeting but it's more of a goodbye than anything else.
As Dez loses strength, pallor setting in and eyes cloud over in death, Regina moves to picks up the locket from the ground. She opens it to reveal its hidden secret; a photo of a girl with bright green eyes and short blue hair smiling happily at its viewer. She can't remember when this photo of her was taken. It doesn't matter anymore.
Regina gives Dez another kiss on the forehead, closes her eyes and places the gold locket into the palm of Dez's right hand. She does the same with the silver locket on the left hand and gently moves Dez's fingers to clutch around both. Finally, she tries to shroud Dez the best she can in her jacket.
“Let’s try for a better ending next time, Dez.”
They never had a chance if they both were always teetering at the precipice of this love.
Game Over.
Detecting corruption of data. Repair at 1%. Restart automatic when repair is finished.