Work Text:
[Camera pans from scoreboard to reporter who is standing with Andrew Minyard at the PSU Exy Stadium. A few other people are standing in the background, players talking to each other or other reporters.]
Reporter: What a game, folks! This marks the tenth win of the season for the foxes. I’m here with Andrew Minyard, senior goalkeeper. Andrew, people have been saying that without you, your team would not be where it is today. Tell me, what do you think about that? (pushes the mic towards Andrew’s face)
Andrew: (stares, bored)
Reporter: (awkward laugh) According to ESPN, you’re not only the best goalkeeper in collegiate exy, but one of the best goalkeepers to ever play the sport. (pushes the mic back towards Andrew’s face)
Andrew: (stares, bored)
Reporter: (readjusting herself) Right, well, one last question. What do you think of your captain? This is Neil Josten’s first year of being captain. How has he been doing? Do you prefer Dan Wilds? (pushes the mic back into Andrew’s face for the final time)
Andrew: (blinks, continues to stare)
Reporter: Okay then! Thank you for your time- (Andrew walks away) Um… (clears throat, faces camera) Anyways, that was Andrew Minyard, as talkative as always, giving us a very insightful, thought-out explanation of what was happening during the game. Now onto Quincy Johnson, for an outsider's perspective on what happened between the foxes and bobcats.
[Static]
[Andrew Minyard is walking quickly to the locker room doors, ignoring everyone. Reporter is running after him.]
Reporter: (sprinting, out of breath) Andrew! Andrew Minyard! Wait!
[Andrew Minyard keeps walking, now at a slightly faster pace.]
Reporter: (finally catching up) Andrew!
[Andrew Minyard opens door slightly and slips inside.]
Reporter: (stopping, to CameraMan) Goddammit.
[Static]
[Press Conference. Andrew Minyard is sitting at the end of the table next to the two other goalkeepers. The defensive dealers are next. Then the backliners.]
Reporter: (female, unseen, excitedly) What’s the key to having such a successful defense?
Matt: (earnesty) It’s about good teamwork. Us backliners have to work well together. It doesn’t matter who the other backliner is on the court, or what problems you have with each other outside of the sport. What matters is being able to put all of that aside and focusing on doing your best and working together. The same thing goes for the dealers and goalies. We all have to put a pause on any and all outside drama and just focus on working together to the best of our abilities.
Reporter 2: (male, also unseen, trying to dig up some information for a good headline) Drama? Problems? Do you all often fight with each other outside of the game?
Matt: (with ease) Yeah, but it’s always like that at the beginning of the season. There’s a system and a particular way that our team works. It takes time to get used to it, for both the newbies and veterans, because it changes every year. But once we work everything out, then, like you saw tonight, nothing can stop us.
Reporter 2: (losing hope on his scope) And what role does your coach, Wymack, play in all of this?
Matt: (still happy to answer) The most important one, he’s the one who lets us work everything out. Once we do that, then we’re an unstoppable team who always has each other’s backs and will do anything for each other. We all help each other in any way we can.
Sheena: (under her breath, resentfully) Well, almost everyone. (eyes Andrew)
[Andrew ignores the comment, stares straight ahead. Sheena scoffs.]
Reporter 3: (female, also unseen, trying to hop onto the scoop) Sheena, are you trying to imply that there is still some tension between your fellow teammates?
Sheena: (boldly) I don’t know, Andrew, is that what I’m trying to imply?
Andrew: (continues to stare straight ahead, ignoring everyone)
Sheena: Exactly, thank you for proving my point.
Reporter: (joining in as well) What exactly caused this problem? This is the second year you both have been on the same team together? What’s the problem?
Sheena: (poorly concealing her rage) The problem , Deborah-
Reporter: My name’s not-
Sheena: Is that Andrew thinks he’s too good to teach me how to be a goalie.
Reporter 2: But you’re not a goalie-
Andrew: It’s not my fault you don’t listen.
Sheena: (scoffs) Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.
Andrew: (still bored) I listen, not everything deserves a response.
Sheena: Like everything I say?
Andrew: (ignores her)
Sheena: (grumply) Great, thanks for proving my point. Again.
Andrew: (continues to stare, ignores her)
Matt: (nervous laugh) Guys, we’re supposed to be talking about the game.
Sheena: (bitterly) And?
Andrew: What game?
Reporter 3: (cautiously) The one you just played?
Andrew: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Coach Wymack: (unseen, shouting) Minyard! Stop!
Andrew: (calm, turning his head to finally look at Coach) No.
[Static]
[Outside. Reporter chasing Minyard in a parking lot.]
Reporter: (slightly out of breath) Mr. Minyard! Just a moment of your time!
Andrew: (keeps walking)
Reporter: (struggling to keep up, even though they are significantly taller) Sir! Just a few questions!
Andrew: (opens door to Maserati, gets in, starts the car)
Reporter: (walking in front of the car) Minyard! Come on, just a few questions! Please!
[As soon as the Reporter is standing directly in the middle of the car, Andrew starts driving, hitting the Reporter and throwing them off balance.]
Reporter: (agitated, sitting on the concret, glaring at the car) What the fuck?
Andrew: (goes in reverse and leaves the parking lot a different way)
Reporter: (to the camera, still angry) What the fuck?
[Static]
[Press Conference. Set after the Olympics where the USA placed gold. Kevin Day, Andrew Minyard, and Neil Josten are all sitting together in front of several cameras and reporters.]
Reporter: (female, unseen, from the right side of the room) You all just got gold at the olympics! How would you describe what you’re feeling right now in one word?
Neil: Ecstatic.
Kevin: Pleased.
Andrew: Bored.
Reporter 2: (female, different reporter, this time from the left side of the room) Bored? What do you mean?
Andrew: It’s just stickball. I don’t get why everyone insists on treating it like it’s a big deal.
Reporter 3: (male, another reporter from the center of the room) But… you just place gold?
Andrew: (still bored) No, I thought we placed helium.
Reporter 3: (confused) What…
Neil: (also confused) That doesn’t make any sense.
Andrew: (ignoring Neil) No one seems to have understood my joke.
Neil: (still confused) That’s because it’s a bad joke.
Andrew: Just because you never learned about the periodic table doesn’t mean that it’s a bad joke.
Kevin: (realizing, understanding) No, he’s right. It is a bad joke.
Andrew: Or neither of you have a sense of humor.
Neil: (moke offended) Excuse you! I am very funny!
Andrew: (still very, very bored) Joking about your trauma doesn’t make you funny, Neil.
Neil: (smug) It does when it makes you laugh, Andrew.
Andrew: (blinks, ignores Neil)
Neil: (looks like he won, very, very smug)
Kevin: (groans) We just won a game. Do you have to do all of that right now?
[Andrew stands and starts to leave. Reporters start to shout, cameras flash.]
Kevin: (shouting into the microphone, almost standing) Andrew! Get back here! We have to answer questions about the game!
Andrew: (pauses, walks towards closest Reporter, takes a second before leaning into the microphone) Fuck stickball. (turns and speedwalks out)
USA Exy Coach: (off-screen, a combination of angry and fond) Goddammit, Minyard!
[Static]
[At a gas station. Clip was taken on someone’s phone. Person approaches Andrew in the candy aisle.]
Person: (nervously) Excuse me? Andrew Minyard?
Andrew: (bored, not looking away from the candy) Who?
Person: Um, you? Andrew Minyard? Professional exy player?
Andrew: (picking up a Twix bar, pauses, then picks up two more ) I have no idea who you’re talking about.
Person: But-
Andrew: (still without looking at the person, picks up another Twix bar and throws it at them) Go away.
Person: (dejectedly) Okay…
[Static]
[Reporter is standing with Andrew Minyard outside the Atlanta Exy Stadium. Reporter winks at the camera, Andrew pretends that he doesn’t notice]
Reporter: What’s it like dating Neil Josten?
Andrew: (blankly) We’re not dating.
Reporter: (confused) But, Josten posted a picture on Instagram yesterday of the two of you, confirming many theories that you two are-
Andrew: I may be self-destructive, and I may hate myself, but I would never subjugate myself to dating a ginger.
Reporter: (very confused) But Josten-
Andrew: Is ginger.
Reporter: Yes, but-
Andrew: And what did I just say about dating gingers?
Reporter: That you never would…
[Andrew stares boredly at the Reporter as they try to piece everything together very slowly.]
Reporter: So… that post that Neil Josten made-
Andrew: (still bored) Yes, yes, I saw the post that he made. Are you going to say anything new?
Reporter: And you’re not dating?
Andrew: No. ( Reporter still looks very, very confused, Andrew lets out a very weary sigh)
Andrew: The idiot’s my husband.
Reporter: (jaw drops) You’re married?
Andrew: I just called him my husband, unless straight people have a different definition for that term.
Reporter: But you said that you’re not dating-
Andrew: And we’re not. That’s what being married means.
Reporter: But- (Andrew walks into the stadium. Reporter blinks, then faces the camera) Okay then… I guess that’s it for the interview. Don’t ask me what happened, because I don’t even know.
[Static]