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Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar The Last Airbender and do not stand to make any profit from posting this story.
After All This TIme
Pakku studied the petite woman methodically organizing the supplies he and the rest of the Northern Water Tribe had brought with them. She had been working all day and well into the night. He wasn't sure what type of reaction he had expected but the lack of one at all had surprised him, or at least the lack of a personal reaction from her upon seeing him had surprised him. It wounded his pride, too, he admitted to himself. Certainly their entire group had been happily received by the village in general. There had been great excitement at their arrival, hopeful questions about the status of the war and vaguely shielded worries about family members who had been away for so long. And yet – there had been nothing from her.
He crossed his arms, leaned back against the side of the storeroom where she was working by lantern-light and cleared his throat slightly, hoping that she would at least take note of his presence.
"Yes, Pakku?" she asked without bothering to turn around.
"How did you know it was me?" he asked genuinely surprised.
"I recognized your footsteps," she answered in a flat tone, continuing to lift items from the crates and stack them neatly on the shelves in front of her.
He thought about that for a moment. In an oddly vain way, it pleased him that there was a faint acknowledgment that she remembered him. But it was damning in its own way, too. She remembered his footsteps after all these years – ridiculous. Wasn't it? Thoughts tumbled over in his head – he had a lifetime of questions for her but fundamentally there was really only one he wanted the answer to. Why?
"Can I help?" he questioned, moving to stand beside her. She tensed, arms half raised from the box, jars of healing ointments in both hands. Kanna mumbled a curt 'thank you' and briefly turned to him as she handed him the jars and motioned to the shelves where she wanted them placed. She never once raised her eyes to his. She then went back to the box intently studying its contents as if trying to decide where the next lot should go.
Pakku decided to remain working quietly with her until the boxes were exhausted. Then, perhaps, she'd have no other recourse but to at least address him, share a polite conversation at a minimum.
The last parcels were placed to her satisfaction. He cleared his throat again slightly. "You know, Kanna, I've seen your grandchildren…" Of course she knew – the whole village knew – it was one of the first things they had told everyone on their arrival. And besides, he thought to himself, what grandmother doesn't want to talk about her grandchildren?
"Yes, I know" she answered quietly. She hesitated as the words hung in the frosty air of the unheated storeroom then turned to face him, a faint smile at her lips. "Tell me, Pakku," she asked, "what do you think of them?"
He seized the opening, "Remarkable young people, Kanna, you should be proud of them." He went on to give her details of his experiences with them, recounting their bravery, their dedication to the Avatar and to each other. They left the storeroom and strolled through the arctic night, the air crisp and cool. He faltered, wondering how much he should tell her about Katara's Waterbending skills and his role in training her to reach the level of a Master.
But Kanna raised the question first "Pakku, it sounds as if both Katara and Sokka were involved in the battles and in defending the Avatar – how is that possible?" They had stopped near one of the open fires at the village center. It was late and they were the only two people out. A simple carved ice bench was nearby and Kanna motioned that they should sit there.
He searched carefully for the right words to answer her, "Katara is…a Waterbending prodigy, Kanna, I've never seen anyone …" he swallowed hard before finishing, "rise to the level of Master as fast as she did." There – it was out. He was sure that the Northern Tribes requirement that women only learn the healing arts was at the root of Kanna's desire to leave them, leave him, years ago. He expected her to lash out at him over the inequity of it all. But Kanna merely nodded.
"I'm not surprised," she said at last. "Katara was already showing latent skills here. Unfortunately, all the Masters capable of training her were gone…," at this her voice took on a wistful tone and she continued, "either killed by the Fire Nation or else away at war. I'm glad she was able to achieve that. Tell me, who trained her?"
The moment yawned into what seemed like eternity. The fire crackled as if laughing at him, daring him to answer her. "I did," he replied at last without further elaboration.
"Really? Times have changed." No anger in her voice at all, Kanna looked at him with genuine surprise. "How long has the Northern Tribe been training female Masters?"
"We… Katara was the first" There was no point in denying it.
Kanna looked at him intently – meeting his eyes for the first time tonight. "Why was she the first?"
He stumbled, tongue-tied like the awkward teenager he had once been around her when he thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. How could he tell her everything that was in his heart, the flood of memories that had come crushing back on him when he had found Katara's necklace?
"Katara made me realize that we, that I, was wrong. Each person should be allowed to choose to pursue whatever goals they set for themselves. Each person, men and women should choose for themselves. We were wrong, Kanna, to deny you training in Waterbending."
Kanna gave a hollow chuckle and shook her head. "No, Pakku, I hadn't any talent for it. I have always been a healer. If I had had any skills like that I would have trained Katara myself."
"But…," he started and then stopped. He'd been so sure he'd figured it out – that he knew the reason after all these years as to why she had left. "But, why then, did you leave?
Kanna deftly avoided the question. "And Sokka, Pakku, tell me what you think about Sokka."
Pakku blinked, no answer from her yet. He sighed and then smiled thinking of Katara's older brother. "Brave, brash," he shook his head and continued, "headstrong and stubborn. Not unlike most boys his age. But Sokka is honest and loyal almost to a fault. As I said, Kanna, you should be proud of both of them."
Kanna laughed then and smiled up at him. "I knew a boy once who was brave and brash, headstrong and stubborn." She stopped then and looked away.
"And stubborn," he echoed his voice fading away in the night. They both sat in silence staring at the fire in front of them.
"Well," she whispered, "perhaps I was stubborn, too."
He looked full at her. "Kanna," he asked in a plaintive voice, "Kanna, why did you leave? I loved you with all my heart. Why did you leave?"
She looked up at the stars in the clear night sky, her eyes open wide, hoping the cold air would help her hold back her tears. "I…I couldn't be a possession, Pakku. I know that you loved me, but you treated me as if I were some object that you owned. And I couldn't be a possession, not even of someone who loved me."
He was angry then, standing up to face her. "Why didn't you tell me how you felt? Why did you just leave? Why didn't you tell me!"
"I tried," she snapped back, looking up at him towering over her. "I tried but you wouldn't listen! You were too…too…foolish! And I came to realize that I couldn't be owned by anybody, not even you!" Then she looked away and added in a voice so low he could hardly hear her, "And I couldn't raise my child to one day be someone's possession, either."
The hot flush of anger left Pakku, replaced by an icy stab of realization. His throat constricted, he finally managed to get out a hoarse whisper, "What did you just say?"
Tears welled up in Kanna's eyes as he slumped down beside her on the bench. "I, I told you I was stubborn, too, and probably brave and brash and … foolish."
"Your necklace?" he mumbled. "You kept it."
"I gave it to my daughter," she said, fighting to keep her voice even. "I wanted her to have something of her father's."
"I never knew."
Kanna smiled wanly up at him and saw that there were tears in his eyes, too. "I told you Katara doesn't get her Waterbending skills from me – she gets them from her grandfather."